The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #230
Harry EffronSubmit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
———Last week's results. ———Rules and tips.
First Place:
"OK, I brought you to Rome. Now blow me." -- Anonymous
Second Place:
"Wait a minute, the Coliseum is in a densely populated area with many buildings surrounding it, this doesn't make any sense." -- Dave W
Third Place:
"Oh good, we're at VIVIIIIXXXI Street. It's the next left." -- Rose Fox
Honorable Mention:
"Really? This is the shit they're giving us to work with this week?" -- Stephan Cox
"Because VII VIII IX! Ha ha ha ha!" -- Glenn
"What did I tell you? Isn't that tree spectacular?" -- Richard H
"I can't stop! There's no zero!" -- glimester
The "Sucking Up to the Judge" Award (actually some competition this week):
"The powers here were Byzantine." -- CRC
Comments
"I brought you to a couple of digits- do you mind?"
Posted by: LV | March 1, 2010 6:37 AM
(Edit of above):
"I brought you along a couple of digits- do you mind?"
Posted by: LV | March 1, 2010 6:48 AM
"Oy VIII!"
Posted by: dwilk | March 1, 2010 7:04 AM
"What!? This fucker won't do over X."
Posted by: dwilk | March 1, 2010 7:11 AM
"This is not an accurate representation of reality...my sweet."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 1, 2010 8:21 AM
"Not much for spelling, were they? Anyway, on your right you'll see the remains of the coliseum where they had the 1932 and 1984 Olympics."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 1, 2010 8:23 AM
"I liked this mini-golf course better when your head was in my lap...your honor."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 1, 2010 8:24 AM
The hours here are all I've seen.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 1, 2010 8:26 AM
This car: it must be some kind of hot rod time machine.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 1, 2010 8:27 AM
Those are the Roman charges for my cell service out here.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 1, 2010 8:29 AM
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to I.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 1, 2010 8:29 AM
"He puts up one for every acquittal."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 1, 2010 8:30 AM
No, thanks, I just VIII.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 1, 2010 8:31 AM
"Do you think we got here before Christ?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 1, 2010 8:36 AM
———Where do we XIT?———
Posted by: Rob | March 1, 2010 8:49 AM
"And on the right, Stanley, is your adult entertainment."
Posted by: Rob | March 1, 2010 9:09 AM
The craftsmanship isn't bad, but the style is very by-the-numbers.
Posted by: Rose Fox | March 1, 2010 9:27 AM
Oh good, we're at VIVIIIIXXXI Street. It's the next left.
Posted by: Rose Fox | March 1, 2010 9:28 AM
"Wait a minute, the Coliseum is in a densely populated area with many buildings surrounding it, this doesn't make any sense."
Posted by: Dave W | March 1, 2010 9:55 AM
"Since when is there a public road on the Palatine Hill, which has both trees and a view of the Colosseum?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 1, 2010 10:27 AM
Thought to self, "In more ways than one, I'm heading the wrong way for any double-D action."
Posted by: LV | March 1, 2010 10:28 AM
The gas prices here are obscene.
Posted by: boneguy | March 1, 2010 10:39 AM
"Eleven. Exactly. One louder."
Posted by: Nigel Tufnel | March 1, 2010 10:54 AM
"Look out. There's a chassis in the road!"
Posted by: Auntie Susie | March 1, 2010 10:56 AM
"What's the speed limit of sex?...LXVIII, because at LXIX you eat it."
Posted by: Beth | March 1, 2010 10:59 AM
It's for the war on terror - they're banning arabic numerals.
Posted by: LK | March 1, 2010 11:08 AM
"You brought me all 'e way t'bleedin' Italy to see bloody Stone'enge? That money'd 'ave bought beer for the week!" [Domestic violence ensues.]
Posted by: Anti Capp | March 1, 2010 12:17 PM
"Wow, the Romans sure had a penchant for gayness".
Posted by: Adam | March 1, 2010 12:31 PM
These go to eleven.
Posted by: Walt | March 1, 2010 12:31 PM
"How fuckin' dumb were the Romans? Eight doesn't come after two."
Posted by: Rich Lather | March 1, 2010 12:46 PM
"Ah s——, s——, s——!...Suca, puttana! Suca!...Ah! Ah! AH! AHH!!...VENGO! VENGO! VENGOOOOO!!!!..."
Posted by: Wile E. in Rome... | March 1, 2010 1:40 PM
"Something's wrong with the steering...feels like the front-left tire...poorly rendered...by the artist...hang on!"
Posted by: Damon | March 1, 2010 2:14 PM
"Oh good! We're just in time for the countdown for the first Italian space launch!"
Posted by: Lieutenant Macaroni | March 1, 2010 2:14 PM
"Little known fact, Honey, the Romans stole their aqueduct plans from the Polish"
Posted by: Stanley Kowalski | March 1, 2010 2:35 PM
Sicily, you crazy bastard!
Posted by: CRC | March 1, 2010 2:53 PM
"Jesus Christ! If you don't shut up with the counting in Latin I'm going to crucify you!"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 1, 2010 3:01 PM
We're staying here tonight,
'cause every time we fuck it's by the numbers.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 1, 2010 3:07 PM
"I have a great idea--Let's see if ancient Italian VII XII's have Slurpees."
"HONEY! WATCH OUT FOR THE GIANT VI....[car crashes]"
"Let's just go through the drive-through, and we'll get one from Column VII and one from Column XI. Which will make them into a 6 and and X. Heh heh. That sounds a little like 'sex.'"
"'Ooh! I guess over to the right was where the Romans watched porn movies!'" "You're a fucking idiot, honey."
Posted by: Trout Almondine | March 1, 2010 3:13 PM
"Why are the mileposts so damn close together? Forget calculating our gas mileage."
Posted by: Glenn | March 1, 2010 3:26 PM
"...1,957...1,967...1,976...1,984...Oh, look! I think we're almost at the end!"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 1, 2010 3:29 PM
"Did you know that Super Bowl VII was played at the Los Angeles Colosseum, and that that was where Miami completed it's undefeated season, beating George Allen's 'over-the-hill gang', and that's why Mercury Morris is such a major asshole today?"
Posted by: NJtoTX | March 1, 2010 3:32 PM
"Look at the one up ahead. I wonder what `Balboa' means?"
Posted by: Damon | March 1, 2010 3:45 PM
"You say it's Italian for HOLLYWOOD, I say it's today's lottery results."
Posted by: dwilk | March 1, 2010 4:23 PM
I guess you're wondering why it's called the Appian Way.
Posted by: Rocko | March 1, 2010 5:12 PM
"I *knew* they'd fuck up the Italian translation of _The Phantom Tollbooth_. Chuck Jones is rollling over in his grave..."
Posted by: Jeremiah | March 1, 2010 5:13 PM
The hours here are Sistine.
Posted by: Walt | March 1, 2010 5:58 PM
It's not exactly Canton, but all of the old Super Bowl numbers are retired here.
Posted by: CRC | March 1, 2010 6:09 PM
"As Langdon approached the outskirts of Rome, he saw the symbols arrayed before him.... if only he could figure out what this strange sequence of letters meant."
Posted by: Richard H | March 1, 2010 6:25 PM
"Harvey, every time someone asks me about your age, I describe it like the Roman structures in the foreground!"
"Well, Linda, every time someone asks me about your pussy, I describe it like the Roman structure in the background."
Posted by: Damon | March 1, 2010 6:28 PM
"We must have passed the XXX theater. Dammit!"
Posted by: Glenn | March 1, 2010 6:37 PM
"Because VII VIII IX! Ha ha ha ha!"
Posted by: Glenn | March 1, 2010 6:39 PM
"XCIX bottles of beer on the wall, XCIX bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around, XCVIII bottles of beer on the wall. XCVIII bottles of beer on the wall, XCVIII bottles of beer..."
Posted by: Glenn | March 1, 2010 6:42 PM
"Hey, hon, how about we stop for a little LXIX?"
Posted by: Glenn | March 1, 2010 6:44 PM
The powers here were Byzantine.
Posted by: CRC | March 1, 2010 7:57 PM
"Hey honey, look! The Romans built GIANT FUCKING NUMERALS HERE!"
Posted by: Grant | March 1, 2010 8:23 PM
"Boy, Walmart is sure getting more elaborate--marking their future building sites with giant stone X's."
Posted by: Grant | March 1, 2010 8:28 PM
"We've been driving in circles counterclockwise for hours, now."
Posted by: NJtoTX | March 1, 2010 8:33 PM
I guess you're wondering why I've stalled here today.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 1, 2010 8:33 PM
"Yo mama is so old she was born in negative X!"
Posted by: Grant | March 1, 2010 8:34 PM
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to drive.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 1, 2010 10:12 PM
You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!
(apologies to Charlton Heston)
Posted by: boneguy | March 1, 2010 10:36 PM
"I would visit Rome more often if they didn't keep pushing their fucking numerals in my face."
Posted by: Richard H | March 1, 2010 10:57 PM
public class LegacyNumberingSystemsUtil {
private static HashMap romanMapping = new HashMap();
static {
romanMapping.put( 'I', 1 );
romanMapping.put( 'V', 5 );
romanMapping.put( 'X', 10 );
romanMapping.put( 'L', 50 );
romanMapping.put( 'C', 100 );
romanMapping.put( 'D', 500 );
romanMapping.put( 'M', 1000 );
}
public static int romanToInt( String roman ) {
int accum = 0;
int last = 0;
for( int i = 0; i int val = romanMapping.get( roman.charAt(i) );
if( val > last ) {
accum -= ( last * 2 );
}
accum += val;
last = val;
}
return accum;
}
}
Posted by: mypalmike | March 1, 2010 11:06 PM
"891011... I'm telling you, this proves once and for all that Rush is a band for the ages."
Posted by: yangxiao | March 1, 2010 11:34 PM
"I thought the Europeans were on the metric system."
Posted by: Lugar | March 1, 2010 11:42 PM
"And on the right, dear, is Stonehenge."
Posted by: gluelicker | March 1, 2010 11:55 PM
"So, I guess cost overruns killed this off-ramp."
Posted by: yangxiao | March 2, 2010 12:11 AM
"Obsessive-compulsive counting? I thought it was lead poisoning that did in the Romans."
Posted by: Lugar | March 2, 2010 12:15 AM
"I'd better stop gawking at those enormous numeric carvings or my insurance premiums will go up."
Posted by: gluelicker | March 2, 2010 12:28 AM
"In ancient Rome, big numerals count you!"
Posted by: Lugar | March 2, 2010 12:29 AM
"There are a lot of Roman ruins in this area."
Posted by: Rubrick | March 2, 2010 1:01 AM
"Isn't that where Bruce Lee kicked the shit out of that douche Chuck Norris?"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 2, 2010 1:17 AM
"Listen, when we get to IV just keep driving and don't even look at the girls." -- Brian L (JUDGE'S COMMENT: this is funny because Isla Vista, or IV, is the city where University of California Santa Barbara students live. It is known for its insane partying, property theft, and an insanely high STIs/person ratio.)
Posted by: Brian L | March 2, 2010 2:48 AM
"wow, scenic, but it flys in face of all advancements made toward establishing linear perspective."
Posted by: 0bs01337 | March 2, 2010 3:28 AM
"Christ, not another one of DaVinci's fucking codes!"
Posted by: Rob | March 2, 2010 5:51 AM
"Reminds me of Ellis Hobbs' vacation at the end of XLII."
Posted by: dwilk | March 2, 2010 8:07 AM
I guess we're wandering by the Coliseum here today.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 2, 2010 3:42 PM
"Caesar. Dead MMLIV years now. Poor bastard."
Posted by: Buruts | March 2, 2010 4:34 PM
"Remember that time we put a Roman candle up your vagina?"
Posted by: Buruts | March 2, 2010 4:35 PM
Enzo Ferrari, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you?
Posted by: Rocko | March 2, 2010 6:05 PM
"Honey, just like I've always said, the Romans were dicks."
Posted by: Sarah | March 2, 2010 6:06 PM
OK, I brought you to Rome. Now blow me.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 2, 2010 6:18 PM
That's right, Raquel. Roman Polanski lives here. We're gonna make you a big star. You can fondle me now if you'd like.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 2, 2010 9:56 PM
"Ha ha! These ads are clever."
"Yes, The Numbers. But I think I liked The Gates better. A shame about his wife."
Posted by: Deborah | March 2, 2010 10:35 PM
It's ancient graffiti! Those crazy bastards.
Posted by: Rocko | March 2, 2010 10:43 PM
A funny thing is happening on our way to the forum.
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | March 2, 2010 11:48 PM
"Yes dear, those were actual dick lengths in inches, not digits. Let's go back and read who's inscribed on XIII."
Posted by: Lefferts | March 3, 2010 8:42 AM
"That feels so good, baby. Ohhh... XI, X, IX, VIII, VII, VI, V, IV, III, II, I,....blastoff!!!"
Posted by: Jamie | March 3, 2010 11:59 AM
"I always forget: Is it I before V, except after C?"
Posted by: Richard H | March 3, 2010 12:10 PM
"I'm going to drop you off on the next block so Silvio Berlusconi can come out and sexually harass you."
Posted by: Tim H | March 3, 2010 1:05 PM
Before the technology to miniaturize them was developed, the earliest sundials were quite large.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 3, 2010 3:25 PM
"Like I always say: When in Rome, do as the Romanians do."
Posted by: Kathy H | March 3, 2010 3:26 PM
"Really? This is the shit they're giving us to work with this week?"
Posted by: Stephan Cox | March 3, 2010 3:52 PM
Christ, what an X pole
Posted by: The Confidence Man | March 3, 2010 6:51 PM
No, that's not the tip of *my* cock protruding from the hood.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | March 3, 2010 6:55 PM
Good thing we go by that Mayan calendar,the Romans didn't give us a chance
Posted by: Walter | March 3, 2010 7:09 PM
WTF? I write a caption referencing Pamela's blogad, go to Radosh to post it, and the ad has been taken down. Screw it - here goes.
We're gonna collide with Pamela Anderson, but don't worry, she's got high-impact bumpers.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 3, 2010 8:25 PM
I can't stop! There's no zero!
Posted by: glimester | March 3, 2010 11:07 PM
"Let me know if you see a 7-Eleven"
Posted by: Richard H | March 4, 2010 1:02 AM
Let's just say there were some misses before they settled on The "X" games.
Posted by: boneguy | March 4, 2010 2:30 AM
"Hand me the Glock, Ethel. We're outnumbered."
Posted by: dwilk | March 4, 2010 7:44 AM
The fall colors here are just spectacular.
Posted by: Adam | March 4, 2010 1:16 PM
"Honey, that 'V' reminds me of how beautifully your silky legs were spread before me last night when we were making love. Rome's cool!"
Posted by: Mitch C. | March 4, 2010 1:39 PM
"Do you have the paintball gun ready?"
Posted by: Rich Lather | March 4, 2010 1:42 PM
"I'm guessing these are the famous Roman Numerals we've heard so much about."
Posted by: Dave | March 4, 2010 2:59 PM
"Okay, check the map. We should be near Exene Cervenka's birthplace."
Posted by: Barnaby | March 4, 2010 3:53 PM
"I just want to say one thing. You ain't no Audrey Hepburn and this ain't no Roman Holiday. Capiche?"
Posted by: Tim H | March 4, 2010 4:24 PM
"This is the spot where, in Spartacus, Tony Curtis said in his best Bronx accent, 'I teach da classics'."
Posted by: Kathy H | March 4, 2010 4:39 PM
"Shit, Pamela! I thought you meant sex between five and seven!"
Posted by: Rob | March 4, 2010 8:07 PM
"What the font?!!!!"
Posted by: Swaption | March 4, 2010 8:07 PM
"If 'X' marks the spot, then why does my liver have spots all over it?"
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 4, 2010 8:20 PM
"That was one hell of a drive-in movie."
Posted by: Lugar | March 4, 2010 8:26 PM
"Here is where they would pillary you for using the lower case."
Posted by: Swaption | March 4, 2010 8:26 PM
What a strange place to plant a tree. (Insert gratuitous "fucking" for emphasis as needed).
Posted by: Rocko | March 4, 2010 8:32 PM
"Just like a Wop to insert a letter for a number."
Posted by: Rob | March 4, 2010 9:08 PM
"Hey, where's [fucking] 9? Ha, made you [fucking] look!"
Posted by: Dex | March 4, 2010 9:20 PM
He just left them here after Jeanne-Claude bit it.
Poor bastard.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 4, 2010 9:54 PM
can anybody even read this shit anymore?
Posted by: Leah | March 5, 2010 1:55 AM
"Andy Capp in Roman Holiday"
Posted by: Leah | March 5, 2010 1:58 AM
"Honey, hand me my glasses, i can't quite make out the house numbers."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 5, 2010 2:16 AM
"Wanna get to 12th base?"
Posted by: gluelicker | March 5, 2010 6:07 AM
"When in Rome, erect giant numeral statues like the Romans do."
Posted by: gluelicker | March 5, 2010 6:16 AM
"This trip is ruined, I'm telling you! Ruined!"
Posted by: gluelicker | March 5, 2010 6:18 AM
"These Roman numerals are about as swarthy as the New Yorker will get."
Posted by: Lugar | March 5, 2010 6:26 AM
"I hate to break it to you, but it seems that the days of our roadster vacation are numbered."
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 5, 2010 6:33 AM
"First person to count to XX gets to stick the other with the petrol bill."
Posted by: Lugar | March 5, 2010 6:49 AM
"Why didn't they just write it down?"
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 5, 2010 6:51 AM
"I made a film here in MCMLXXXVIII with Roberto Benigni. The Little Devil."
Posted by: Walter | March 5, 2010 6:03 PM
"What did I tell you? Isn't the tree spectacular?"
Posted by: Richard H | March 6, 2010 1:27 PM
mypalmike,
Your caption would be so much funnier if you indented.
Posted by: Abe | March 6, 2010 3:43 PM
"We finally made it to Fort DIX."
Posted by: Oliver | March 6, 2010 4:05 PM
"I'm not wearing a hat. Don't you remember? Your head looks like a duck billed platypus."
Posted by: Hektor | March 6, 2010 4:23 PM
All in all, I'd rather look at Pamela Anderson's big tits than these big numerals, but alas, there's no longer a choice.
Posted by: Titus Lovernicus | March 6, 2010 11:12 PM
mypalmike,
Indented and single spaced.
Posted by: Rob | March 7, 2010 7:59 AM
Well, that's another week of hard driving, but I suppose the prize will go to some pedestrian again.
Posted by: Sorrel Loser | March 7, 2010 3:16 PM
"It's too late to call 9-11 and scream. Our Toyota went so fast, we've gone back in time."
Posted by: Harry H | March 7, 2010 6:17 PM
No, I thought you had the map.
Posted by: Austin D | March 7, 2010 9:16 PM