For last week's winner go here.

NOTE:Even in the face of persistent ridicule and chronic laziness, I have been uploading (and judging) the Caption Cartoon for several months. I have done this without serious incident.or meaningful reward. Now, it seems, there's some technical glitch. Let's not panic. I do not know who is at fault (although it's certainly not me!) but here's the deal: When I went to the site that enables me to upload the Anti-Cap Contest, I got this snotty little message: "Access denied for user." As you might imagine, I'm like, "Excuse me?" This SNAFU comes on the heels of complaints that last week's contest stopped accepting entries after 115.. At first, I gave it no mind, but now it's taken a serious turn as I am unable to post this week's cartoon .So, until we get this figured out I am putting the latest cartoon on my blog. Use the comments section to post your captions, I have not yet selected last week's winner, I went to a BBQ and there was a fireworks display in the park near our house so I'll have to get back to you.. (Happy Birthday America!!) -alinla

WINNER (Tie)
Wipe that damn smirk off your face. The voluminous ejaculate from your improbably large penis to which I'm clinging for dear life is contaminating a perfectly good cup of coffee. -- Eric G

WINNER (Tie)
The fear was that they stood to lose their lives to the storm. The irony was that it would be the gastric acids of an 8-year old that would take them screaming to their deaths in a sea of bile. -- Glenn

SECOND PLACE
The Franklin Mint proudly offers this priceless teacup commemorating of the near drowning of Simon LeBon for three low payments of 17.99 + S&H. -- boneguy .

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Gesundheit.-- Deja vu

For additional Honorable Mentions and a Judge's Comment for each winner go here.

Move along folks, there's nothing to see here! In L.A, even small public gatherings are viewed with suspiction. Less than 10 minutes after the local basketball team won the NBA championship, the cops outside the Staples Center decided there had been enought celebration. When Labron leads the Knicks to a championship next year, no such concerns will surface.

ORIGINAL ANTI-CAP WINNER As selected by D. Radosh 4/16/06
No! He's being strangled by his own necktie and those men are trying to help him! Jesus, you're negative and morbid and possibly psycho." �simsburybear

UP-DATED ANTI-CAP WINNER As selected by al in la 6/21/10
"Between you and me? Sam didn't really rape a blind 10-year old girl and than leave her to die in a garbage dump. I just sent that email to liven things up around here." --SADD

WINNER
"I think now she's right about here. Sorry about bringing him in on 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day'."-- LV

SECOND PLACE
"Don't be naive, Barbara."--Mike Mariano

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"He ate the dog that ate my winning lottery ticket."--dwilk

For additional Honorable Mentions and a Judge's Comment for each winner, go here.

WINNER
Seems like lately the terrorists are just phoning it in.-- JohnnyB

SECOND PLACE
"Fucking Talibanmarketers."-- Wile E. Chipotle

HONORABLE MENTION
See? Phone blows up, dry sheets on my side. You see a spider, and we have to get a new mattress." --Damon

For additional Honorable Mentions and a judge's comment for each winner go here.

As we celebrate Bob Dylan's 69th birthday, we are reminded there are many things we don;t know about this enduring, yet mysterious American Icon. Can you determine which of following Dylan fun facts is really true?

A) He is a third degree back belt who once studied under Chuck Norris.
B) He was originally cast to play the husband in "Roseanne" but lost the part to John Goodman because the producers "wanted someone a little chunkier.".
C) His boyhood dream was to be a publicist for a major record label..
D) He has nine grandchildren and a bumper sticker on his car that says "World's Greatest Grandpa."

For 69 Things You Didn't Know About Bob Dylan go here. Use the comments section to add your own real or imagined Bob-Fact. .

SECOND PLACE
"It's right behind you."-- Rob

THIRD PLACE
"I'm sorry sir, this beach is closed to people visibly haunted by their absurd and ultimately meaningless choices."-- Jared S

HONORABLE MENTION
."Shut up, Bob, everyone knows your surfboard's a foamie."-- Hung Ten

For additional Honorable Mentions and a Judge's Comment for each winner go here.

I didn't make it through the whole thing (they lost me around when they start talking about not banging). Snoozefest! No wonder Rotten Tomatoes rates it just 54% fresh.

WINNER
"Let him drown first. They're best eaten cold."-- dwilk

SECOND PLACE
Oooo . . . gross . . . If I had known you were going to spit out the head, I wouldn't have offered him to you."-- blw

THIRD PLACE
"No, Mr. Tiny-ear-hole, I absolutely did not say 'that's my chum in the water'."-- Anonymous

For Honorable Mentions and Judge's Comment on all the winners go here.

WINNER (TIE)
In his dotage, the Yankee Clipper found solace in his garden, while an artist's approximation of his beloved Marilyn at 75 gazed down. --Mr. Silly

WINNER (TIE)
"Oh, honey, art's imitating life; a Nuthatch and a Red-cockaded Woodpecker have found their way into your asshole again." --Anonymous

SECOND PLACE
"Gives "gardening tool" a whole new meaning. --PG man

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"A muse; yourself, Dear." -- Tits up Word Play by Spowie

For additional honorable mentions and a Judge's Comment for each winner go here.

WINNER
I doubted your insanity defense, but I can clearly see your nuts.--wizalt

SECOND PLACE
"When you say you're 'in really hot water right now,' do you mean it in the I'm-guilty-of-murdering-my-wife sense?"-- t.a.m.s.y.

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Ok, Captain Pike, I've some questions about these shorts that we found on Talos IV... Please bulge you right eye for "yes"and your left eye for "no". Understand? Is that a maybe?"-- cta

For additional Honorale Mentions and Judge's Comments go here.

WINNER
Ancester of W clowns around while ancestors of Cheney and Rumsfeld plot pre-emptive strike on neighbor they believe has discovered fire too. --Jim Cavanaugh .

SECOND PLACE
Zorg stared and contemplated: Had it been such a wise idea to leave the hunter-gatherers to live with the sitter-jugglers? So hungry... Anonymous.

THIRD PLACE
What is this, Amateur Era?--Mr. Silly

For Honorable Mentions and Judge's Comments on all the winners go here.

WINNER
"I got so constipated it collapsed into a singularity and created a space/time anal fissure. Now every time I fart another temporal reflection of me pops out. The consensus on the Star Trek chat room is that I need a dekyon colonic." --Six of Nine

SECOND PLACE
How can he be so effervescent when the housing bubble's just burst? -- JohnnyB

HONORALE MENTIONS
"Look, this is obviously one of their more mediocre efforts. So, I suggest that we just calm down, submit our usual adequate captions, and get on with our lives. OK?" -- Kathy H .

I see you've pulled another idea for a cartoon out of your ass.-- D. Remnick

For additional Honorale Mentions and Judge's Comments go here.

WINNER
"Get out of my chair." -- Maya Walker (my 4-year-old daughter)

HONORABLE MENTION
"You can't stay here."--Deborah

For additional Honorable Mentions, Comments and an important note from the Anti-Cap Judge go here..