The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #229
al in laSubmit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
WINNER
"At least 5 of us are going to need you to provide us with your best oral presentation skills, if you know what I mean." -- Glenn
SECOND PLACE
"You're here early." -- Francis
HONORABLE MENTION
"For a second there I thought I'd walked in on the proceedings of the SEC." -- Lugar
For more Honorable Mentions and a Judge's Comment for each, visit al in la's blog
Comments
If it pleases the Court, motion to get Al in La a life.
Posted by: Dan, Harry and all the Anti-Posters | February 22, 2010 2:08 AM
"I second."
Posted by: al in la | February 22, 2010 4:15 AM
"Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? I barely even KNOW'er Ginsburg."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 22, 2010 6:14 AM
"I learned a little trick to calm myself down if I get nervous. I just imagine you're all naked. Also I imagine Clarence Thomas doesn't exist."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 22, 2010 6:20 AM
"Sonia Soto my ASS!"
Posted by: Rob | February 22, 2010 7:00 AM
"It smells like gefilte fish."
Posted by: m hartman | February 22, 2010 8:07 AM
"Oy, vey. Oy vey."
[With a nod towards the film Fatal Instinct.]
Posted by: Kathy H | February 22, 2010 9:48 AM
"If it pleases the Court, may I at least close the curtains?"
Posted by: Tim H | February 22, 2010 9:51 AM
"Look, I'm fucking tired of being told you'll sleep on it."
Posted by: dwilk | February 22, 2010 10:05 AM
"But The New Yorker promised me I was finally going to meet an African American in one of their cartoons."
Posted by: Richard H | February 22, 2010 10:10 AM
"I get it -- Clarence Thomas is actually white!"
Posted by: Richard H | February 22, 2010 10:11 AM
"You guys finish whatever you were doing with those two Kenneth Starr lookalikes. I don't mind waiting for Justices Thomas and Stevens to get back."
Posted by: Richard H | February 22, 2010 10:14 AM
Obvious real-life answer: "If it please the court I move adjourn for night-night."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 22, 2010 10:38 AM
"Counsel is directed to start with Kennedy here and just go up the line."
Posted by: Joshua | February 22, 2010 10:49 AM
"I guess you're wondering why I called you here today."
(The universal caption that will now appear on every single cartoon until the end of time.)
Posted by: Joshua | February 22, 2010 10:53 AM
"You're just a bunch of napping-headed hos."
Posted by: Rob | February 22, 2010 10:58 AM
Let Thurgood take credit for this idea. Who cares? He's dead.
Posted by: boneguy | February 22, 2010 11:02 AM
"And my client alleges that HBO stole the concept for BIG LOVE from a story treatment he prepared in 1989 called NAKED JUSTICE in which... hey, hold on, shouldn't you guys be wearing robes?"
Posted by: Richard H | February 22, 2010 11:07 AM
"I believe I left my car keys here following opening arguments in Blow v. Mee"
Posted by: Richard H | February 22, 2010 11:08 AM
No, it's not an electric blanket. The heat is produced by Ginsburg's steamy farts.
Posted by: LK | February 22, 2010 11:29 AM
"Fuck Clarence Thomas. Where's Diana Ross?"
Posted by: dwilk | February 22, 2010 11:29 AM
I guess to a-dress the senate.
Posted by: Dave W | February 22, 2010 11:34 AM
I guess it's time to a-dress the senate.
Posted by: Dave W | February 22, 2010 11:35 AM
Thank you for joining us today Dr. Kevorkian. Let's get started.
Posted by: JW | February 22, 2010 11:44 AM
The reason Justice is blind.
Posted by: Austin D | February 22, 2010 11:49 AM
Thank you for your testimony. You may exit through the giant labia to your right.
Posted by: Walt | February 22, 2010 11:57 AM
See also: America: (The Book) pg 98-99
Posted by: Austin D | February 22, 2010 12:04 PM
Court is adjourned. We will issue our ruling any time in the next 36 hours, when the moment is right.
Posted by: Walt | February 22, 2010 12:09 PM
For judicial decisions lasting more than four hours, see your sugeon general immediately.
Posted by: Austin D | February 22, 2010 12:16 PM
"Well, you've convinced *me* on the topic of gay marriage."
Posted by: Francis | February 22, 2010 12:17 PM
Justice Scalias possession of the remote comes with inherent power and responsibility to raise and lower the beds as he deems appropriate.
Posted by: Rob | February 22, 2010 12:17 PM
"You're here early."
Posted by: Francis | February 22, 2010 12:18 PM
For judicial decisions lasting more than four hours, see your surgeon general. Consult a lawyer before use to determine if this Court is right for you.
Posted by: Austin D | February 22, 2010 12:18 PM
Worst. Orgy. Ever.
Posted by: Austin D | February 22, 2010 12:24 PM
"The current Biotronik ICS3000 programmer software enables recording of a filtered esophageal left atrial electrogram in addition to the surface ECG. It can be utilized to measure interatrial conduction intervals in patients with DDD systems irrespective of make and model. However, utilization of the ICS3000 programmer to measure interatrial conduction intervals that optimize the AV delay in patients with biventricular pace-makers and ICDs is dependent on patent protection."
Posted by: dwilk | February 22, 2010 12:47 PM
"At least 5 of us are going to need you to provide us with your best oral presentation skills, if you know what I mean."
Posted by: Glenn | February 22, 2010 1:00 PM
"Filibuster? I hardly knew her!"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 22, 2010 1:16 PM
"Scalia, you crazy bastard!"
Posted by: Kathy H | February 22, 2010 1:23 PM
Night Court 2010: Reality Edition
Posted by: Tim H | February 22, 2010 1:33 PM
"The lawyers here are obscene."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 22, 2010 1:34 PM
Supreme Courtyard by Marriott
Posted by: Tim H | February 22, 2010 1:36 PM
"Whose brilliant idea was it to have Henry testify?"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 22, 2010 1:42 PM
"Yes, counsel, I do look like George Bush; the guy I've got my left arm around looks like Thurgood Marshall and, believe me, you don't want to know where my right hand is."
Posted by: Dave | February 22, 2010 1:48 PM
"Counsel, you may begin your submissions in the case of Serta v. Sealy."
Posted by: Dave | February 22, 2010 1:49 PM
Five to four? That's just plain kinky!
Posted by: stcoleridge | February 22, 2010 1:52 PM
"Stop making a fucking federal case out of this."
Posted by: Victor | February 22, 2010 2:03 PM
Hurry up and finish before Sotomayor takes a monster drag off the joint.
Posted by: boneguy | February 22, 2010 2:46 PM
Mutters to himself, under his breath: "Gawrsh, just imagine it, little twerpy ol' me, about to present a case before the esteemed Supreme Court. I'm pinching myself."
Posted by: gluelicker | February 22, 2010 4:08 PM
"Wait... was I invited to address the SCOTUS, or the scrotals?"
Posted by: gluelicker | February 22, 2010 4:14 PM
"I hate jail... except for the down pillows."
Posted by: gluelicker | February 22, 2010 4:18 PM
"I was expecting nine of you, but otherwise something seems off."
Posted by: gluelicker | February 22, 2010 4:22 PM
"Scalia had to recuse himself from our bacchanalian goings-on. He's an uptight Catholic."
Posted by: gluelicker | February 22, 2010 4:25 PM
"I beg your pardon, but Justice Sotomayor, given your seniority aren't you supposed to be all the way over on the right? Oh, I beg your pardon. I didn't notice your guest, Johhny Damon."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 22, 2010 4:32 PM
["...Johnny Damon."]
Posted by: Kathy H | February 22, 2010 4:34 PM
"I _like_ jail... better yet, Turkish prison."
Posted by: Yangxiao | February 22, 2010 4:39 PM
"Got a light?"
Posted by: Yangxiao | February 22, 2010 4:39 PM
"I'd like to discuss HR-2118, the Ban on Smoking in Federal Buildings Act. Would you please extinguish your cigarette, Your Honor?"
Posted by: Thomas | February 22, 2010 4:41 PM
"It's like pornography: you know it when you see it."
Posted by: Yangxiao | February 22, 2010 4:45 PM
"Jeez, if only Meese could get a load of THIS."
Posted by: Yangxiao | February 22, 2010 4:49 PM
"Whomever is next on the docket better bring sanitary wipes."
Posted by: Yangxiao | February 22, 2010 4:51 PM
"By a 7-2 margin, it was good for us."
Posted by: Dave | February 22, 2010 4:54 PM
"Clarence couldn't make it today, but at least we've got a Coke can."
Posted by: Lugar | February 22, 2010 5:09 PM
"It's not as fun as it looks. I, for one, am now very drowsy."
Posted by: Lugar | February 22, 2010 5:24 PM
"The ombudsperson is going to hear about this."
Posted by: Lugar | February 22, 2010 5:25 PM
"For a second there I thought I'd walked in on the proceedings of the SEC."
Posted by: Lugar | February 22, 2010 5:26 PM
"You guys make me ashamed to be an American."
Posted by: Lugar | February 22, 2010 5:29 PM
We figured why not combine the best elements of the Supreme Court and a Japanese capsule hotel?
http://www.yesicanusechopsticks.com/capsule/
Posted by: boneguy | February 22, 2010 5:43 PM
We'll hook up your feeding tubes and get a hearty breakfast in you before we convene.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | February 22, 2010 5:51 PM
Here's a play on that instant classic: "I guess I'm wondering why you all called me here today".
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | February 22, 2010 5:57 PM
"I thought washington had a ban on smoking in public buildings."
Posted by: 0bs01337 | February 22, 2010 6:05 PM
I'm not saying you're old, just that you look like nine potato salads in the hot sun.
Posted by: Rocko | February 22, 2010 7:55 PM
Next on the docket is Anti-Cappers v. Effron. You will review his decision on week #228, specifically, "I guess you're wondering why I called you all here today," and rule on his fitness to remain on the bench.
Posted by: Court Bailiff | February 22, 2010 8:14 PM
I suppose you were slumbering when I called you here today.
Posted by: Instant Classic Re-mixer | February 22, 2010 8:48 PM
"Teacher says, 'everytime a bell rings, a Supreme Court Justice blows his nut.' 'Attaboy, Clarence.'"
Posted by: Jimmy | February 22, 2010 8:49 PM
"Judge Ginsburg thinks she's the meat in a sandwich, but I've got three salamis right here. And Justice Kennedy, are you raising your gavel, or are you just happy to see me? I see you smoke after sex- try more lubricant! Thanks, I'll be here all week."
Posted by: RV | February 22, 2010 9:16 PM
"Permission to approach Ruth Bader Ginsberg's cock holster and marinate it with my testicular spoo, if it so please the court."
Posted by: avanti | February 22, 2010 11:06 PM
"I'm begging the court to get dressed and address trade dress protection on my one piece suit."
Posted by: Rob | February 23, 2010 12:17 AM
"Justice never sleeps. But it sometimes fucks you hard and rolls over for a quick snooze."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 23, 2010 1:57 AM
"If it pleases the court, I'd like to please the court."
Posted by: Ted Z. | February 23, 2010 3:02 PM
Welcome to the taping of the pilot episode of "Who Wants To Fuck A Supreme Court Justice."
Posted by: avanti | February 23, 2010 3:11 PM
"It's great to see that a few bushes remain in politics"
Posted by: Sarah | February 23, 2010 3:12 PM
Just wondering - how many of you geniuses slept through Bush v. Gore?
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | February 23, 2010 3:16 PM
"Ever since that little prude, homo, virgin Souter stepped down, there hasn't yet been a dissenting opinion."
Posted by: Grandma E. | February 23, 2010 3:21 PM
"What was it like? 'Two Girls, One Cup', minus the cup. So...do you have any breath mints or not?"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 23, 2010 3:51 PM
"I guess you're wondering why we all balled here today."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 23, 2010 4:22 PM
"No, I had John Stevens on my face, not Rick Santorum...ohh, you said I have santorum on my face. Ha ha! My mistake!"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 23, 2010 4:56 PM
"Wake Up, Everybody! This is just a one-week caption contest."
Posted by: Tim H | February 23, 2010 5:51 PM
I suppose you're appalled at our blundering on Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission today.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | February 23, 2010 6:14 PM
"Wow, I knew 'mayor' means 'humongous' in Spanish, but who knew 'sota' means 'my nuts are'? Ay chi wa wa!"
Posted by: Anonymous | February 23, 2010 7:10 PM
"You're in the wrong building. This is the SCROTUS.
Posted by: David | February 23, 2010 7:55 PM
Nothing beats a nap and a smoke when you're done fucking the public.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | February 23, 2010 10:07 PM
"The hours here are supreme."
Posted by: Dex | February 23, 2010 11:42 PM
"You say a young boy wearing tights appeared at the window and then flew away?"
Posted by: Brian L | February 24, 2010 1:47 AM
"Hey al, I think those opiates are working."
Posted by: Brian L | February 24, 2010 1:49 AM
"Justice laid to rest is justice denied."
Posted by: Rob | February 24, 2010 6:39 AM
"If it please the court, I ask that you now turn your attention to Exhibit D... EEZNUTZ!"
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 24, 2010 7:24 AM
"The right side IS the wrong side of the bed."
Posted by: dwilk | February 24, 2010 8:15 AM
"In the matter of The New Yorker v Radosh.net, please do not accuse the Court of being in bed with the plaintiff. These are our chambers."
Posted by: Glenn W | February 24, 2010 11:07 AM
"fucked silly, you crazy bastard!"
Posted by: Auntie Susie | February 24, 2010 1:54 PM
"Go to sleep my baby, my baby, my baby
Go to sleep my baby
Baby of mine"
Posted by: Kathy H | February 24, 2010 5:18 PM
"Vos totus taedium mihi!"
Posted by: Tim H | February 24, 2010 5:24 PM
I guess you're all numbering the ways I've balled you here today.
Posted by: Rocko | February 24, 2010 5:29 PM
The initiation rites came as a surprise, but Judge Sotomayor wisely accommodated all eight of them.
Posted by: CRC | February 24, 2010 6:24 PM
Frankly, many of us are waiting for a couple of you to die.
Posted by: CRC | February 24, 2010 6:39 PM
"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dine on the Smegma of Justice"
Posted by: Tante Mary | February 24, 2010 6:48 PM
"Would it please the court to please it's members after court?"
Posted by: dwilk | February 24, 2010 6:48 PM
Alright then, that's 5-4 in favor of anal.
Posted by: CRC | February 24, 2010 7:03 PM
I guess you're wondering why I called you all queer today.
Posted by: CRC | February 24, 2010 10:45 PM
"I'm going to be honest with you, we're pretty much going to give this to whichever side gets us a twelve-pack the fastest."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 25, 2010 6:32 AM
"I'm ready with my argument. What do you mean you don't do oral?"
Posted by: Richard H | February 25, 2010 10:34 AM
"So... THAT'S what Pro Bono means!"
"Now, THAT was 'supreme!'"
"I got your 'motion' right here!"
"Whaddya expect??! We wear robes all day long! ROBES!"
Posted by: Johnny V | February 25, 2010 5:59 PM
Despite the fact that the 9 Supreme Court justices were lying in state after the latest terrorist attack, the attorney could not help but stand at the lectern and pretend to address the Court.
Posted by: NJ to TX | February 25, 2010 7:26 PM
"So this must be the Extreme Court."
Posted by: Kim | February 26, 2010 7:03 AM
"You call this courtly behavior? I think not!"
Posted by: Kathy H | February 26, 2010 9:35 AM
"With all due respect, who farted?"
Posted by: Satireguy | February 26, 2010 12:54 PM
Nine Supreme Court justices are in nine beds from left to right. How many ways can the justices be arranged so that Roberts can put his arm around Breyer, and Sotomayor and Ginsberg are not next to each other? (10 points)
Posted by: Glenn W | February 26, 2010 5:41 PM
@Rocko: I guess you're all pondering the ways I've balled you all today.
So if you tickle five of our taints with that white quill you totally win. Er, you do represent a corporate client, right?
Posted by: jf | February 26, 2010 6:18 PM
...balled you here today.
Sigh this is what comes from coming up in the south.
Also apologies fr reposts
Posted by: jf | February 26, 2010 6:23 PM
Judicial restraint, my ass.
Posted by: Rocko | February 26, 2010 7:50 PM
That was a hell of a nine-way. I take it Ruth or Sonia will be writing the minority opinion?
Posted by: Anonymous | February 26, 2010 8:04 PM
Justice Roberts relaxes after proving who has the longest Judicial Branch.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 26, 2010 8:10 PM
"Yes, I'll wait until the robes come out of the dryers in front of me."
Posted by: ECB | February 26, 2010 9:34 PM
"Sure, we're in bed with the energy and pharmaceutical industry. It's all well-heeled oilmen and well-oiled healing men."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 27, 2010 1:21 AM
"Felatio, you lazy bastard! How's it hangin'?"
Posted by: Kim | February 27, 2010 7:46 AM
"I'm haunted by the faces of the monkeys in Scopes vs. The State of Tennessee."
Posted by: Glenn W | February 27, 2010 9:15 AM
"I'll allow it."
Posted by: Harry | February 27, 2010 1:27 PM
"We just had sex."
Posted by: Harry | February 27, 2010 1:28 PM
"Would Justice Sotomayor please give the MINORITY opinion? IN BED!?!"
Posted by: Harry | February 27, 2010 1:31 PM
"Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is Mr. Fantastic."
Posted by: Harry | February 27, 2010 1:32 PM
Supreme Night Court.Hilarity ensues when the people that brought you Brown vs. Board of Education take off the robes and go undercover
Posted by: Walter | February 27, 2010 4:04 PM
Are we finished with discovery?
Posted by: Anonymous | February 27, 2010 4:04 PM
"I'm just a bailiff and can't really sing."
Posted by: m hartman | February 27, 2010 5:53 PM
Sorry to interrupt but that asshole needs another ruling on an anti-cap entry that exceeds 25 words...
Posted by: Nam Rahm | February 27, 2010 6:08 PM
Do you guys have jurisdiction in the Czech republic? Ya see, my friend Harry has this website...
Posted by: Ham Ranter | February 27, 2010 6:09 PM
"Either that was an earthquake in Chile, or Sonia just rubbed one out."
Posted by: Suz H Woman | February 27, 2010 6:11 PM
You're all conflicted out of the Viagra appeal.
Posted by: I M Hardin | February 27, 2010 6:15 PM
"If the love glove doesn't fit, you must aquit!"
Posted by: Johnny Cockring J.D., R.I.P. | February 27, 2010 6:17 PM
Is that a gavel or are you happy to see me?
Posted by: I R Knee | February 27, 2010 6:18 PM
justice is blind. But does the justice swallow?
Posted by: R. Gil Humphrgrhl | February 27, 2010 6:23 PM
I'm Al from LA. Relax, I'll handle the judging this week. Incidentally, you don't intimidate me. I once spoke to Raquel Welch.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 27, 2010 6:24 PM
What's it gonna take, some breast implant litigation...to get Pamela to slide just a few inches to the right?"
Posted by: All About Eve | February 27, 2010 6:25 PM
"Bashful, Dopey, Grumpy, Easy, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Sleazy and Doc."
Posted by: Kim | February 27, 2010 7:35 PM
[Pardon the intrusion but I just want to say that I hope everyone is enjoying anti-capping anti-cartoons as much as I am...]
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 27, 2010 9:58 PM
"Wow...I guess I've never really thought about it that way before. I'm totally on the wrong side of this thing. Thanks...I'll show myself out."
[Extended awkward silence. Solicitor General shifts his weight uncomfortably. An occasional cough or rustle is heard from the observers, off-panel. Then, from the Chief Justice:] "Well?"
"Sorry...I thought we were here to discuss a FELLINI."
Posted by: Trout Almondine | February 27, 2010 11:48 PM
"Five of us think you are infringing on our right to privacy. The other four don't give a fuck."
Posted by: Bottlekneck | February 28, 2010 12:27 AM
"We'll eliminate Corolla recalls by changing our logo tomoving forward whether you want to or not."
Posted by: Kim | February 28, 2010 8:39 AM
For more than two decades I've specialized in reproductive law, with an emphasis on tubal litigation.
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | February 28, 2010 11:40 AM
I forgot why I came here.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 28, 2010 4:10 PM
Drop your pants and submit your briefs.
Posted by: Elias Kahn | February 28, 2010 8:01 PM
I thought 'reconciliation' only took place in the Senate.
Posted by: Jason Blechman | February 28, 2010 9:04 PM
Is justice blind, or just wearing beer goggles?
Posted by: Jason Blechman | February 28, 2010 9:05 PM
"Approach the beds, counselor Dover."
Posted by: Michael S. | February 28, 2010 10:00 PM
Anyone up for some target practice?
Posted by: All About Eve | March 1, 2010 12:59 AM
Lawyers suck!
Posted by: Gretzky's Ghost | March 1, 2010 1:08 AM