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January 11, 2010

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #224

al in la

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. (Maximum five entrys per person, 25 words per caption.)

anticap 224 office.jpg

Last week's results

Rules & Tips

"How long am I expected to stay at Flight Delay Training Camp before you let me go to the airport?"--RichardH

"Is it Haiti in here, or is it just me?"-- Dex
"The aliens left only the 27 of us alive. Somebody fuck somebody with working ovaries."--Glenn

"As Moses' attorney I implore you to let his people go...or at least go to the bathroom."-- Rob

"Worst. Orgy. Ever." --Austin D

NOTE: For additional Honorable Mentions (including Anti-Judge Anti-Captons) and Judge's Comments on all the winning entrys go here.


We still have not succeeded in finding, Waldo. However, each of these people has at one time or another been Number 2 in Waldo's organization.

(Please ignore the comma after "finding")

"I'm sorry but Al posted winners and the new contest promptly. Any captions about hanging around waiting for the results are just not going to work.
(Was that too long? Do you think he'll reject it? Probably he'll make some snide comment about how many captions I submitted. God, I hate this contest)"

"If I wasn't so tired, I get up and stomp the smile off this guy's face."

"I'm not sure that an office in the diamond district is the best hiding place from the Nazis."

"They're not leaving until you provide them all with chairs."

"I have a message from the black people. They want to come and see this."

"I'm.... speaking.... very ..... slowly..... because.... alinla..... is.... insisting.... I.... adhere..... to.... a.... twenty-five..... word.... limit...."

"How long am I expected to stay at Flight Delay Training Camp before you let me go to the airport?"

"I know you advertised this as God's Waiting Room, but I was really hoping to move to Florida."

"I came back for my sock."

"Of course I'm interested in becoming part of your dynamic team of highly motivated self-starters."

"So, Dunworthy, my clients are entitled to a hearing discussing the matter of their health benefits being eliminated merely three months after wage reductions of nearly ANNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! REJECTED!!!!!


Why do I keep feeling like I'm a character in a Luis Bunuel movie?

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to lie"

"I am executor for Mrs. McCave. When she died, her will left everything to 'Dave'. We're gonna be here awhile."

Sir, I submit that my obvious lack of effort should make me the winner of your "acting out a synonym for 'indolent' contest".

Just because the fed increased scrutiny on our credit-default swaps doesn't mean you have to start acting like government employees.

This certainly is a bleak house.

"Shouldn't we start jumping out the window eventually?"

"I believe I speak for all assembled: ...ahem...The hours here are obscene."

"So, Mr. District Attorney Vance, we simply want to know, who stays and who gets the ol' heave-ho?"

"May I suggest that, as a hedge against inflation, we pool our resources and buy a shitload of Lotto tickets?"

"To save the taxpayers' money, I think that they should take the census of this room and then simply extrapolate."

"Tell that old guy with the beard and cane to stop staring at me."

"Why the hell can't a couple of airplanes hit this place?"

Next time have the carpets cleaned on Sunday, when the office is closed.

Man, you look like shit! All of you!

It's a FLASHMOB, Jenkins. Get with it!

That concludes our meeting of the Jonestown Reenactment Society. Next
year, we'll take it outdoors.

Enjoy. The ruffies will have them out for hours.

"I'm Spartacus."

"This is the best Cirque du Soleil after-party yet!"

"I think they forgot to kill us after we got escorted off Flight 93.

Can you say "Shibumi"?

"This place sucks."

"Sir, I don't want to come off anal-rententive and all, but I believe that picture is crooked."

"The aliens left only the 27 of us alive. Somebody fuck somebody with working ovaries."

"OK, everyone in the control group please stand-up...because you can...because everyone in the treatment group is apparently dead."

"Who the hell farted?"

"Next case, Holmes: Getting these people out of a two-dimensional caption."

"The protesters, that I represent, demand that you allow them to protest or they will continue lay down and DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!"

Sure, they're cute when they're little...

"I don't know, I think they're supposed to be businesspeople."

"Any one up for one more game of musical chairs?"

"Good God! There's enough lazy, fat, white people in here to start a Legislature."

"I'm Don Fucking Draper; you're all going be screwed, fired, or both before I go home tonight."

Post your caption here.

Did you ever stop to take a moment to notice that there are 25 people in here, including you and me? Most of them look sick and disheveled. Also, someone has hung their laundry.

"This is what happens when I let you assholes judge the Anti-Cap Contest?"

We're going to need more help if you want to catch up on the embalming.

They all exceeded the 5 caption limit. You still want 'em castrated?

Fire Drill!

The towers here can't be fully seen. Because of the fog.

Maybe if we were on a little island this would be funny.

no one is leaving until i find out who tilted my picture.

"We've got nuthin' since Will Ferrell left."

"I didn't know the Teamsters represented office workers."

"When you said your organization was like a family, I didn't know you were referring to the Lehman Brothers!"

"You think this is bad? I know a family of seven forced to live in a laundromat!"

"I told you not to dilute the cyanide."

Look, I earned this seat, and I'm not relinquishing it to anyone, no matter what you say.

"Okay, I think I'm supposed to be interviewing for this job, and all those people who used to do it are inebriated or dead, right?"

"The meeting of the editorial board of the Oxford English Dictionary shall come to order. First order of business: "Negro."

[For the record: "tim" is actually "Tim H" Thank you.]

Keep the unruly 8th graders Players locked up until I post & judge next week's contest Radosh goes home so they don't compromise the expediency make fun of our humble little contest my very small penis.

[Sorry, I guess I screwed up the HTML tags...]

Who cut the cheese?

Get your private invite to private sales here!

"You just had to go off and scold JD last week. Well, welcome to your pathetic, little JD-free world. No homo references, no political rants, and no color. You suck!"

———Let———s make a difference, Fenwick. If we execute fifteen of them we———ll have a difference of ten.———

"People who are only counting 25 of us aren't assuming those legs over there are attached to heads."

———My apologies, Alphonso. I could swear you said twenty-five turds or less."

"All right, go home everyone, we're done for the day. It just won't work until we find someone who can levitate over a table AND shit in public."

"My name is m hartman and, as anyone else in this room can tell you, I am a dull, humorless person...Now, would you like to hear my 12th Anti-Cation for this week?"

"...and so the little marketing consultant who could drove back to Stamford, with his turkey taco uneaten, knowing that he had done not necessarily a good job but certainly one that wouldn't get him fired in the foreseeable future, made tiresome love to his heavily self-medicated wife, watched CSI, and slept the dreamless sleep of the forgettably adequate."

Radosh knew not to give these puns-referring-to-a-previous-winning-caption any handouts. But now, like metaphorical squatters in an office suite...

"Well, as we can see, Pamela Anderson's PETA ad had exactly the effect we were looking for."

"I've got an unwrapped Hershey Bar for whoever blows me. No nuts."

I've got a guy named Eichmann downstairs who will take the whole lot of your hands, no questions asked.

"Previous entry violates all rules of play. The addition of structure is taking the "anti-" out of this beloved little diversion. You have become yet another puppet of the Man." ??

I know you guys are all exhausted and dispirited after our failure to prep adequately for the Yoo interview, but come on--we still have a show to write for tonight!

Fugitives, you crazy bastard!

Christ, what a steno pool.

We forced them to read J.D.s last entry.

"No Mr. Bond, I expect you to reply."

"Huh. I thought heaven would be better."

"They use human shields, we use human shields. Tit for tit...I mean tat."

She's reading behind my back again, isn't she.

"Pretty awesome shit, huh?...We should totally order pizza or something."

"God I hate these stockbrokers anonymous meetings"

"I encourage them to think outside the box. If that doesn't work, I tell them that until they design a decent Ford, they'll have to remain inside the box."

"Yeah, sorry, the door only opens one way, then slams shut. It's like a damn loster trap. And I'm kosher. Ironic, isn't it?"

"Would you like to meet the rest of the team? They're all around here somewhere."

"Curse you, Cloverfield monster!"

"We're all just waiting for Radosh to do something with his Web site."

"What the hell did you expect when I invited you to filibuster practice?"

"Is it Haiti in here, or is it just me?"

"Why does the babe in the corner look like Wilma Flintstone?"

"No, the problem is how LETHARGIC you all get after eating human flesh."

Jenkins! My eyes are over here. Stop staring over my left shoulder at Pamela Anderson's tits . . .

"Robertson says it's because we made a pact with the Devil. But Limbaugh says Obama will save us so he can look good."

"Well, Jenkins, I hope you brought enough Ambien—— for everybody."

"Perkins, when I said to bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses... I meant one at a time so that I can rape each one individually."

"Its sad but yes. The new Vampire Weekend record really does suck."

"So this is the Socialism the Tea Party patriots have been warning us about."

"As Moses' attorney I implore you to let his people go...or at least go to the bathroom."

"Coach, I didn't want to do this in front of the entire team, but we feel the Knicks need someone with a better eye for talent."

"Of course I win, Fenwick. Ya snooze, ya lose."

"I recommend you replace yourselves with people who give a crap."

"Bad news Worthington. When your finance department wakes the hell up, tell them they flunked the stress test."

Welcome to another meeting of Al-Anon in LA.

"Back when I had ennui, I got myself a French mistress, who bought me a Wii. Are we happy? Oui."

"According to the American Dental Association, over 45% of white collar workers grind their teeth while asleep at their desks. Among vampires, the figure exceeds 80%, but they use variable speed grinders."

"Somebody say something."

"Of course not, Mr. Bond. I expect you to impregnate......all of the people in this room."

"Low-fat milk and two Splendas, thanks."

"Anyway, where was I? Oh yes: the mail room years..."

"Who forgot to take out the garbage?"

Yes, the world, hell, the universe is being annihilated by a blindingly white nothingness, but you people have really let yourselves go. The odors here are obscene.

Worst. Orgy. Ever.

I'd like to call to order this meeting of the National Serial Killers Associat... Jackson! You started without me again!

And then Goebbels said to Hitler, "It's your turn to be the butch."

"C'mon, people! Remember the first rule of the brainstorming session: Don't filter!"

"Ya don't ... ha-ave ... to live like a refugee ..."

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