The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #223

"No Mr.Bond, I expect you to dry."

Posted by: NAMBY | January 4, 2010 5:49 AM

"Oh, God, help us, please!

Posted by: JohnnyB | January 4, 2010 7:53 AM

"Sure, it's hot. But it's a dry heat."

Posted by: JohnnyB | January 4, 2010 7:54 AM

"Hey, can you spare a quarter?"

Posted by: JohnnyB | January 4, 2010 7:55 AM

"Christ! Is this a metaphor or something? What lesson are we supposed to be learning? Just don't forget to add fabric softener to me."

"All the machines are in use. Please fuck off."

Posted by: MAtt | January 4, 2010 9:04 AM

"I'm sorry, this is the prostitute laundromat. You want the wash-n-fold on the next block. Now get outta here before T-Bone comes back and 'puts you to good use.'"

"Skank-Away——— keeps my private parts their freshest!"

Posted by: MAtt | January 4, 2010 9:11 AM

You idiot, there are four signs that clearly say,
"| | | |
_____
___
___
____
____"

Posted by: JohnnyB | January 4, 2010 9:16 AM

(I assume there's another sign, out of frame)

Posted by: JohnnyB | January 4, 2010 9:16 AM

"Loud noises!"

Posted by: Michael L. | January 4, 2010 9:43 AM

"This is not what I expected when they mentioned Death Panels."

Posted by: Tim H | January 4, 2010 9:45 AM

"Hey, chill out, dearie. Some day you will meet Mr. Clean."

Posted by: Kathy H | January 4, 2010 9:47 AM

[It's obvious this establishment is located in "LA," an overt nod to al in....]

Posted by: Kathy H | January 4, 2010 9:50 AM

"Close the door, please."

Posted by: Richard H | January 4, 2010 9:53 AM

"It's all well and good for you to put us freedom-loving middle-class Americans in the dryers but it does nothing to mitigate the effects of your genocidal policies in Gaza."

Posted by: TG Gibbon | January 4, 2010 10:07 AM

"Incoming! Starboard side!"

Posted by: Rob | January 4, 2010 10:25 AM

"PAMELA! PAMELA! Can you hear me? Get out of that banner ad and come wash your dirty boy!"

Posted by: Damon | January 4, 2010 10:31 AM

"And the top loaders make great toilets."

Posted by: dwilk | January 4, 2010 10:39 AM

"I hope you're haunted by the faces of your Tide with Febreze Freshness 2X Ultra Concentrated Detergent victims."

Posted by: Virgil Q | January 4, 2010 10:54 AM

"Authorities on Sunday were trying to pinpoint the cause of death for three children an investigator says were found decomposing inside the washer and dryer of their apartment, hours after a woman was accused of killing their pregnant mother and her fetus."

Posted by: newsie | January 4, 2010 10:57 AM

It is an honor to visit Japanese 4-star hotel.

Posted by: LK | January 4, 2010 11:18 AM

I make up for the loss of capacity by thrashing violently, resulting in a cleaner clean.

Posted by: boneguy | January 4, 2010 11:23 AM

"This machine eats quarters! And cock!"

Posted by: Damon | January 4, 2010 12:57 PM

"Whites only!"

Posted by: What Ever | January 4, 2010 1:36 PM

"Worst CAT scan ever."

Posted by: Damon | January 4, 2010 3:21 PM

"Why does that sock on the floor have a gun in it?"

Posted by: Charlton | January 4, 2010 3:33 PM

"Can't you read the sign on the wall? Whites ONLY!"

Posted by: Jared S. | January 4, 2010 5:15 PM

Damn, What Ever beat me.

Posted by: Jared S. | January 4, 2010 5:16 PM

"Mom, stop! You're about to wash away your seven deadly sons"

Posted by: Rich Lather | January 4, 2010 5:30 PM

"Don't trust your laundry to the Snuggle Bear, lady. He gave me genital fuzzies."

Posted by: Damon | January 4, 2010 6:01 PM

Don't take this the wrong way but this machine is for whites only.

Posted by: boneguy | January 4, 2010 6:43 PM

Could you cut down on the bleach? My hair's getting brittle.

Posted by: boneguy | January 4, 2010 6:53 PM

"In Russia, front-loading washing machines clean you...well, there are no front-loading washing machines."

Posted by: Kathy H | January 4, 2010 6:53 PM

When I was a kid, I wanted in the worse way to ride in Captain Nemo's submarine. Whoda thunk that 30 years later, that a recession would give me that chance?

Posted by: boneguy | January 4, 2010 6:55 PM

Christ, what a wash hole.

Posted by: The Confidence Man | January 4, 2010 6:56 PM

Geez, lady, stop peeing on the floor!

Posted by: The Confidence Man | January 4, 2010 6:59 PM

"The towels here are quite clean."

Posted by: Tim H | January 4, 2010 6:59 PM

"No, Mr. Bond, I suspect you use lye."

Posted by: Celeste | January 4, 2010 7:01 PM

"Ha Ha, my door doesn't have a child-lock, and let me tell you, I'll never let you wash me without one. Do you hear me? NEVER!"

Posted by: Bryce Tannex | January 4, 2010 7:27 PM

"OK, you win! My grandpa worked for Whirlpool, and, yes, he used to rape me."

Posted by: Auntie Susie | January 4, 2010 7:30 PM

"It's a Westinghouse, so I'm westing. Not the others, though. They've been hacked to death by some maniac."

Posted by: Steve_O | January 4, 2010 7:53 PM

"Man, Jigsaw is just getting lazier with each sequel."

Posted by: Steve_O | January 4, 2010 7:54 PM

"For Chrissakes, lady, we're filming Jackass 4!"

Posted by: dwilk | January 4, 2010 8:29 PM

Febreze, you crazy bastard! How are you?

Posted by: NAMBY | January 4, 2010 9:07 PM

Hey! Fuck you, lady! I'm IN HERE!

Posted by: David | January 4, 2010 9:20 PM

"The New Yorker would have 'This is the best Manhattan apartment I could afford' coming out of my mouth, but the truth is that I can't come any other way."

Posted by: David | January 4, 2010 9:23 PM

"That sweater makes your ass look huge."

Posted by: David | January 4, 2010 9:24 PM

"Lady, you ever notice how much bleach smells like semen?"

Posted by: Glenn | January 4, 2010 10:31 PM

Now now kids, how many times did I tell you not to play in the laundry room? You just don't listen! Get out, I have cloths to wash you idiots!

ToBinge
Get your private invite to online private sales here:
http://www.ToBinge.com

Posted by: ToBinge | January 4, 2010 10:35 PM

"We just came out in the wash! We're gay!"

Posted by: J.D. | January 4, 2010 10:41 PM

We're from the brothel next door. We come here after each customer since
these machines only handle a single load.

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | January 4, 2010 10:42 PM

"We don't want to live in a world where your comic genius remains a promise unfulfilled, Dana Carvey."

Posted by: J.D. | January 4, 2010 10:44 PM

Ferris Wheeler's Day Off.

Posted by: Rob | January 4, 2010 10:53 PM

"I once fucked Elvis."

Posted by: J.D. | January 4, 2010 11:06 PM

"The Jane Hotel was full."

Posted by: mke | January 5, 2010 1:02 AM

"What? Were you born in a barn?"

Posted by: mike | January 5, 2010 1:03 AM

"I am not in a dryer. I'm on TV!"

Posted by: mike | January 5, 2010 1:06 AM

"We were going to drink the kool-aid, but then we thought this would be a more whimsical method of mass suicide."

Posted by: mike | January 5, 2010 1:12 AM

"Dammit. Ziegler drew the door too big. Again!"

Posted by: mike | January 5, 2010 1:17 AM

"Everyone hide! alinla has come to bastardize another anti-caption contest!"

Posted by: Brian L | January 5, 2010 2:12 AM

"Mommy Kate, if you and Daddy John get back together, will you have time to do our laundry and baths separately?"

"Just a little more bleach, 6 more hours on ETHNIC CLEANSE and I come out a shiksa."

Posted by: LV | January 5, 2010 9:01 AM

"Hey everybody, I'm now a clean cock-sucker, and my glory hole has re-opened for business"

Posted by: Beth | January 5, 2010 10:38 AM

"One more dryer cycle and I become a 33rd degree Knight of the Order of the Immaculate Davey Concepcion".

Posted by: Sparky | January 5, 2010 10:46 AM

"I'm sure glad there are no black people here to see this!"

Posted by: Mr. Know It All | January 5, 2010 11:24 AM

"It's getting harder and harder to find these old Coney Island rides."

Posted by: Kathy H | January 5, 2010 1:12 PM

"Halelujah, Jesus! I'm literally born again!"

Posted by: NJtoTX | January 5, 2010 2:11 PM

"It *is* indeed a portal to another dimension; but conveniently they also do a good job on tough stains there."

Posted by: Abe | January 5, 2010 3:09 PM

What's it gonna be? The blue pill or the red pill?

Posted by: Tristan | January 5, 2010 4:17 PM

"Excuse me. If you hand me a wrench, I should be able to get this washing machine running again. Thank you."

Posted by: L. Duque | January 5, 2010 5:36 PM

"Don't worry guys, it's square Peg."

Posted by: dwilk | January 5, 2010 6:23 PM

"911 happened exactly as the Bush administration told us it did."

Posted by: J.D. | January 5, 2010 7:28 PM

I've found it to be a singularly unsatisfying
experience, and now you come along and tell me I'm supposed to sit on TOP of it?

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | January 5, 2010 7:31 PM

Yeah, it's a motherfucker, but they made the women in the last two cartoons go topless.

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | January 5, 2010 7:33 PM

Damn, lady. Don't spread your legs until you've douched.

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | January 5, 2010 7:37 PM

"Kill . . . me . . . please."

Posted by: R.K. | January 5, 2010 8:14 PM

"When my wife asked me to attend spin class with her who knew it would cost me 25 cents."

Posted by: Walt | January 5, 2010 9:02 PM

"I just want Amana."

Posted by: Dex | January 5, 2010 10:22 PM

Have you seen the finalists for the New Yorker Caption Contest week #221? Those dip shits don't even know the difference between a bass and a cello. Well I say fuck them. I prefer the Anti-Caption contest anyway. At least when those guys are wrong, it's intentional.

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | January 5, 2010 10:22 PM

"Hey lady, for one dollar I'll load your front end. For two dollars, I'll throw in a towel. For three dollars, I'll clean your clock. For four dollars, I'll turn your rags to riches. For five dollars, I'll shut the fuck up."

Posted by: BlowMyBubbles | January 5, 2010 10:30 PM

"Actually, it's not that Samuel Beckett is overrated, it's that he's rarely performed well. Like Jean Genet."

Posted by: J.D. | January 5, 2010 11:25 PM

"Can I borrow some detergent?"

Posted by: Harry | January 6, 2010 3:43 AM

"High efficiency washer? I hardly even know 'er!"

Posted by: Harry | January 6, 2010 3:44 AM

"In Soviet Russia, clothes wash you!"

Posted by: Harry | January 6, 2010 3:45 AM

It's official: FLASHMOBS are totally played out . .

Posted by: Roger Kaputnik (for DMF) | January 6, 2010 9:34 AM

Woke up in my clothes again this morning.
Don't know exactly where I am.
I should heed my doctor's warning.
And stop listening to that lame-ass Sting shit.

Posted by: mypalmike | January 6, 2010 10:17 AM

"This is only going to make us more clingy."

Posted by: Francis | January 6, 2010 1:27 PM

"When I said I'd audition for the m hartman Players, I had not idea...."

Posted by: Tim H | January 6, 2010 1:37 PM

"Pick me! Pick me!"

Posted by: Sarah | January 6, 2010 4:53 PM

"I wash you long time, Laundry Ho. I know ancient Chinese secret."

Posted by: Ricardo Latherous | January 6, 2010 4:55 PM

"OUT, DAMN SPOT!! No, really. My dog is in here with me. Now, scram!"

Posted by: Kathy H | January 6, 2010 6:02 PM

"Sorry, but I'm just too tired and full to eat any more sloughed-off skin, suck out any more skidmarks, or pluck errant pubes from your undergarments. Please wait for another machine."

Posted by: G W | January 6, 2010 6:40 PM

"Fetal compli, no?"

Posted by: Rob | January 6, 2010 8:16 PM

"Are the Mexicans done with the dryers yet?"

Posted by: Sill | January 6, 2010 9:44 PM

"Why are we in a washer? And more importantly, why do we all look like citizens of Whoville?"

Posted by: Grant | January 7, 2010 12:14 AM

"Hey lady. Can you hit spin cycle again? I'm so high right now."

Posted by: Grant | January 7, 2010 12:19 AM

"What? You mean laundering money means you don't have to go to a laundromat and physically get in the washer with all of the money in your pockets and be washed? Ah shit."

Posted by: Grant | January 7, 2010 12:22 AM

"Now that I've come clean, can you hand me a towel lady?"

Posted by: BlowMyBubbles | January 7, 2010 12:46 AM

"To be perfectly candid, I'll never come dry."

Posted by: BlowMyBubbles | January 7, 2010 1:19 AM

NOTE: Any Anti-Caption that is excessively, ridiculously or stupidly long will be deleted! (Yeah, J.D., that means you!)

Posted by: ANTI-CAP POLICE | January 7, 2010 3:14 AM

"That one would have been funnier if you hadn't deleted what it was addressing. But the unintended irony still amuses."

Posted by: J.D. | January 7, 2010 9:57 AM

"Mom... Have you ever had that not-so-fresh feeling?"

Posted by: mypalmike | January 7, 2010 10:13 AM

"This is The New Yorker. Show us your tits!"

Posted by: Theo | January 7, 2010 10:18 AM

"Now read the 4th line while feeling that you have pairs for all your socks."

Posted by: Michael in LA | January 7, 2010 11:33 AM

"I'm angoraphobic. They're just pervs."

Posted by: Michael in LA | January 7, 2010 11:37 AM

[NOTE: Apropos of nothing, but an anagram for ANTI-CAP POLICE is CIAO, CAT NIPPLE. Thank you for your time.]

Posted by: Kathy H | January 7, 2010 5:24 PM

"At least she won't nickel and dime us."

Posted by: Swaption | January 7, 2010 9:33 PM

"Because they Need Another Seven Astronauts really fast...THAT'S why!"

Posted by: dwilk | January 7, 2010 10:15 PM

"Open the pod bay doors, HAL ... hey, you're not HAL! Is this where I become a star baby?"

Posted by: Dave | January 7, 2010 11:26 PM

"Sorry, but the rules say you can only fill five washers. And, we know your IP address."

Posted by: Dex | January 7, 2010 11:45 PM

"It's ok, I'm a fully qualified spinster."

Posted by: Fluffy | January 8, 2010 5:42 AM

"The Israeli government's Palestinian ethnic cleansing policy is infallible. If you see it as apartheid/genocide you are Hitler. Kind of like if you see Obama's indefinite "prolonged detention" of the unconvictable policy as totalitarian tyranny obfuscated by verbose sophistry you are KKK, or, at the very least, not funny. Obama = Bush + fuckability."

Posted by: J.D. | January 8, 2010 8:58 AM

"'Life's Good' my ass, you LG sons of bitches"

Posted by: Pedraig | January 8, 2010 12:41 PM

"The reversed letters in the window really put the 'AL' in 'LA,' if you see what I mean."

"This isn't what I meant when I said I was strictly a 'front-loader.'"

"Could you keep it down? Some of us are having the first night's sleep we've had since they shut down the homeless shelter!"

"No matter how many times you wash those bloodstained clothes, you'll never remove our cursed ghosts from your conscience!"

"I've heard of 'ethnic cleansing,' but this is ridiculous!"

Posted by: Trout Almondine | January 8, 2010 2:24 PM

No Tits.
No Shoes.
No Caption.

Posted by: Rob | January 8, 2010 6:24 PM

"Spare a quarter for the 'Energy Saving' cycle?"

"Taken!!!"

Posted by: Michael in LA | January 8, 2010 7:28 PM

"Do you think Floyd Mayweather will fight us now that we're truly 'clean?'"

Posted by: Grant | January 9, 2010 4:39 AM

"I don't know why they call it 'Delicates.' It's a vicious cycle."

Posted by: Grant | January 9, 2010 4:41 AM

"Remember lady, check his pockets for rubbers. If you find any unused ones, then we can fuck you."

Posted by: Zoro | January 9, 2010 9:26 AM

Plunged into the horror of ethnic cleansing....or is that just the rinse cycle?

Posted by: Amy E | January 9, 2010 10:18 AM

"That had better have your daughter's soiled underwear in it! And I mean Natalie's. Jenna's were gross."

Posted by: Phil T | January 9, 2010 12:23 PM

[Enter the Players———winners of the coveted "Fuck the rules!" / "50th time's the charm" Award:]

———This is the menopause class, Edna———now close the door and push the button for menstrual cycle.———

———Don———t be such a prude Roberta. It takes the sting out of anal bleaching.———

———New airport rules———wanna make sure the gunpowder in my grandma panties doesn———t set off any alarms———knowhuddimean, wink wink, nudge nudge?———

———You didn———t ask me how I got it so soft, Dory. You asked me how I got rid of that nasty smell.———

———Free WIFI for a quarter. Now, Myrna, gimme a clever quip using ethnic cleansing, segregation, or some other play on laundry room words for the anti-caption contest. AND MAKE IT COUNT. I only get 5 chances from now on———Nazi judges and their rules——————

Posted by: m hartman | January 9, 2010 1:42 PM

"I get turned on by almost drowning in the washing machine. It's called laundro-erotic asphyxiation. By the way, you're probably going to have to wash this load again."

Posted by: mypalmike | January 9, 2010 3:25 PM

"Beige!"

Posted by: Deborah | January 9, 2010 7:52 PM

"Close the door and front me a quarter; I'm on the spin cycle."

Posted by: Dave | January 10, 2010 5:17 PM

I think we find quality people. I hope you will still succeed.

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