The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #231
al in laSubmit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
For a whole bunch more honorable mentions, a judge's comment for each one AND an explaination on why it's a tie go here.
WINNERS
FIRST PALCE (Tie)
The American People are telling me that they want him bankrupted and inadequately cared for--Walt
First PLACE (Tie)
"He keeps muttering, 'Foregive them father for they don't know what the fuck they're doing.'"--:Rob
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Look, Em, I don't know what was in the time portal or those slippers, but that thing is part Cairn Terrier and part alcoholic girl from Kansas."--: Zeke
"His vitals are good and once a day we give him spare change."--: Rob
Comments
"His name's Bond. I expect him to die."
Posted by: NAMBY | March 8, 2010 5:27 AM
"I wasn't aware rugby was popular in Port Charles but I guess you learn something new every day."
"It's a shame Brenda and DeeDee couldn't make it but I'm sure the Captain--I mean Colonel--will be happy to see you, Taffy."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 8, 2010 6:57 AM
"Mr Charney will see you now, Miss."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 8, 2010 7:01 AM
———We need you to identify the body before we cremate him.———
Posted by: Rob | March 8, 2010 7:23 AM
"Oh you know, a shave and an infusion and he'll be good as new, Mrs Reagan."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 8, 2010 8:09 AM
"It's al in la and he had a rough weekend."
Posted by: Kathy H | March 8, 2010 9:11 AM
"I must warn you, miss. The flowers -- and the patients -- here are obscene."
Posted by: Tim H | March 8, 2010 9:14 AM
"And this is what the young doctors have lovingly dubbed The Hurt Locker."
Posted by: Kathy H | March 8, 2010 9:20 AM
———We———ll have him back on his hands and knees in no time.———
Posted by: dwilk | March 8, 2010 9:27 AM
The visiting hours here are anthropogene.
Posted by: Richard H | March 8, 2010 9:45 AM
"Unfortunately, the insurance company won't pay because he has a prehistoric condition."
Posted by: Richard H | March 8, 2010 9:47 AM
———Overdosing is so simple even a caveman can do it.———
Posted by: Rob | March 8, 2010 9:47 AM
"Your pill-box hat really calls for a JFK joke, but he's dead, she's dead, even the the little saluting kid's dead. Fuck it; nothing's funny."
Posted by: Ted | March 8, 2010 10:02 AM
"We've kept him in an Ativan-coma ever since he pooped out an amber nugget containing Jimmy Hoffa."
Posted by: Vinny | March 8, 2010 10:08 AM
Don't get too close with that brioche on your head, Ms. Parker, he's gluten intolerant.
Posted by: djack | March 8, 2010 10:19 AM
"Miss Peters, prepare yourself for a little shock."
Posted by: Abe | March 8, 2010 10:26 AM
The funny thing is, I think he could still benefit from some Lipitor. And don't ask for that generic stuff - my golf trips aren't going to start paying for themselves.
Posted by: LK | March 8, 2010 11:15 AM
"We're hoping he'll let you put the catheter in. I'll get you some barrettes."
Posted by: Damon | March 8, 2010 11:27 AM
"His troglodytes are still a little high."
Posted by: Richard H | March 8, 2010 11:38 AM
"He used to be a Supreme Court Justice. Sad."
Posted by: Glenn | March 8, 2010 11:54 AM
"Whatever you do, don't mention Raquel Welch."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 8, 2010 12:14 PM
"The reverse electrolysis has been a resounding success!"
Posted by: Michael S. | March 8, 2010 12:35 PM
"This one's a triple-bagger."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 8, 2010 12:35 PM
———...and conversely, by cutting his hair off his penis should grow back."
Posted by: dwilk | March 8, 2010 12:45 PM
The flowers here are silkscreen.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 8, 2010 1:04 PM
His mate is Leeza Gibbon (or Barbara Mandrill, take yr pick).
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | March 8, 2010 1:18 PM
In just 15 minutes I saved 15 percent on my insurance. Why, it was so easy . . .
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | March 8, 2010 1:19 PM
And the Warped Tour was really counting on this Black Flag reunion . . .
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | March 8, 2010 1:20 PM
He's certainly a hairy bastard.
Posted by: CRC | March 8, 2010 1:40 PM
Of course he's on IV. Didn't you notice the huge stone letters outside the door?
Posted by: Walt | March 8, 2010 1:41 PM
Don't blame me. You're the one that married outside their species.
Posted by: CRC | March 8, 2010 1:51 PM
The American People are telling me that they want him bankrupted and inadequately cared for.
Posted by: Walt | March 8, 2010 1:53 PM
E. coli.! You crazy bitch!
How the hell are you gonna beat that?
Posted by: CRC | March 8, 2010 1:54 PM
Look, a military tribunal is fine with me, but I'm only a doctor.
Posted by: CRC | March 8, 2010 1:58 PM
I think he'll be well enough to judge this week's contest, but keep Harry on standby.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 8, 2010 2:03 PM
He ate the free Grand Slam at Denny's. There's not much we can do for him.
Posted by: JIm Cavanaugh | March 8, 2010 2:10 PM
"His vitals are good and once a day we give him spare change."
Posted by: Rob | March 8, 2010 2:14 PM
"typically, hirsutism isn't a fatal condition, but look at this fucking freak; we'll be going the gene pool a favor if we just kill him.
Posted by: Dr. J | March 8, 2010 2:35 PM
"He's a caveman, you're easy...put it together."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 8, 2010 3:05 PM
"It took a while to figure out she was actually a woman. These two people she keeps mentioning, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Donald Trump - who are they?"
Posted by: Damon | March 8, 2010 3:43 PM
Don't expect much. These New Yorker cartoons are barely clinging to life.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 8, 2010 3:47 PM
Name's Fusilli. He seems to be a crazy bastard. We're trying to ascertain how the hell he is.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 8, 2010 3:49 PM
I'm very sorry. Your father has only a few days to live at best.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 8, 2010 3:50 PM
"Do you want to be the one to tell him that Geico car insurance doesn't cover routine medical bills?"
Posted by: Francis | March 8, 2010 3:59 PM
"Look on the bright side. He's still the odds on favorite to fill the Mets' fifth starter position."
Posted by: Tim H | March 8, 2010 4:57 PM
The outlook is bleak. Take this chance to say you love him one last time.
Posted by: Doug | March 8, 2010 5:21 PM
"Caption CAAAAVEMAAAANN!"
Posted by: Damon | March 8, 2010 5:49 PM
"So, tell me, is he rich, a great fuck, or both?"
Posted by: Grandma | March 8, 2010 6:23 PM
"Oh, really? He wanted more hair around his other head?"
Posted by: Kim | March 8, 2010 6:27 PM
"We're pretty sure it's Robin Williams, but the DNA test suggests he's at least 30% hyena. And he's really not that funny."
Posted by: Sarah | March 8, 2010 6:46 PM
I'm sorry, Ms McArdle, but your colleague has started a no-grooming strike ever since the accusations of anti-Semitism were lobbed at him.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | March 8, 2010 7:45 PM
Now, Dana, the first lesson you must learn here at Former Bush Press Secretaries Memorial Hospital is ...
Posted by: The Confidence Man | March 8, 2010 7:47 PM
"This would be a good time to explain why we advertised for women who are wild about hairy."
Posted by: Joshua | March 8, 2010 8:18 PM
"This wing is for the uninsured patients, so the $20 handjob will be plenty."
Posted by: Joshua | March 8, 2010 8:21 PM
You don't want his remains?
Great. We need a new area rug in the lobby.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 8, 2010 8:42 PM
"You'd be grumpy too if you had to stare at a cottage cheese-paneled ceiling all day long."
Posted by: Lugar | March 8, 2010 8:50 PM
"I'm very sorry. Your father has only a few days to live at beast."
Posted by: gluelicker | March 8, 2010 8:52 PM
"He hates the hospital food. He'd prefer to kill what he eats."
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 8, 2010 8:56 PM
"He's more than a little pissed; he had the tube tuned to FOX News and caught wind of the death panels for Neanderthals."
Posted by: Lugar | March 8, 2010 9:00 PM
"The experimental treatment for back hair removal turned out to be more of an er, ah,...relocation."
Posted by: RV | March 8, 2010 9:00 PM
"I'd make the standard literary reference, but then again, you're no Beauty."
Posted by: gluelicker | March 8, 2010 9:02 PM
"I guess when Obama said he wouldn't shave until healthcare reform passed he wasn't kidding."
Posted by: Dave | March 8, 2010 9:07 PM
"He started giving me attitude when I suggested he watch 'Missing Link' to relieve his boredom."
Posted by: gluelicker | March 8, 2010 9:11 PM
"Well, his being cranky is understandable... he expected to wake up in the Paleolithic."
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 8, 2010 9:16 PM
"I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, your husband survived the procedure. The bad news is, he's a Cro-Magnon."
Posted by: Lugar | March 8, 2010 9:18 PM
"His mood started going downhill when we made him a wear a hospital gown."
Posted by: gluelicker | March 8, 2010 9:20 PM
"The medical bills are bad enough. Then he sees you bought yet another valise."
Posted by: gluelicker | March 8, 2010 9:28 PM
"I'm wondering why you're appalled here today."
Posted by: Lugar | March 8, 2010 9:37 PM
That flesh-eating virus we suspected turned out to be fleas.
Posted by: Rocko | March 8, 2010 10:01 PM
I'm afraid he's gone. I'll need you to step behind the curtain and undress now.
Posted by: Rocko | March 8, 2010 10:09 PM
What are you doing married to this hairy fucker?
Posted by: Rocko | March 8, 2010 10:13 PM
"Shave and a haircut: five grand."
Posted by: mypalmike | March 8, 2010 10:40 PM
Is it really going to matter that he's circumsized? By the way, it didn't go well.
Posted by: Rocko | March 8, 2010 10:41 PM
"No, Miss Di. I expect you to bond."
Posted by: mypalmike | March 8, 2010 11:20 PM
"I've run an extensive series of tests. I've combed through all the data, and gone through all the relevant medical texts. Just to be sure, I even consulted with a specialist in Norway this morning on the phone. At this point, I think it's fair to say with about 95% certainty that your husband has an acute case of hair."
Posted by: mypalmike | March 8, 2010 11:33 PM
"Wow, howard hughes's preseerved corpse has really let itself go."
Posted by: 0bs01337 | March 9, 2010 12:33 AM
"Your vagina must really look like hamburger after all these years, eh Mrs. Worf? Oh, and your husband has cancer of the livers."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 9, 2010 12:40 AM
" Yes, she was very gracious last night, but Ms. Streisand still believes she should have been the first woman to win Best Director."
Posted by: NAMBY | March 9, 2010 1:38 AM
The donors here are Australopithecine.
Posted by: jf | March 9, 2010 2:52 AM
His appearance will be shocking to you but worse your father is unlikely to recognize you. The years of drug abuse and homelessness, and the sequelae of untreated diabetes that necessitated the emergency amputation of his legs have left him psychically disturbed and prone to rages. Tears will only provoke him.
Posted by: jf | March 9, 2010 3:13 AM
"Don't freak out... that chart at the foot of the bed is my 401K."
Posted by: Lugar | March 9, 2010 3:26 AM
"Your permission to release from captivity, Ms. Goodall?"
Posted by: yangxiao | March 9, 2010 3:30 AM
And here's a little taste of what it felt like that night your mom ate that whole bottle of Ambien and skyped me, honey.
Posted by: jf | March 9, 2010 3:32 AM
"What more can I say? You bargain basement carnival people get what you pay for."
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 9, 2010 3:35 AM
"He's recovering, but he'll never be able to play Sibelius' Concerto in D Minor again."
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 9, 2010 3:39 AM
What's behind the curtain? Nothing much. Just some defective X-ray equipment and a malfunctioning microwave oven.
Posted by: Barnaby | March 9, 2010 3:51 AM
Yeah, that's an ape-man all right... but what more do you expect from a cartoon written by a Muther?
Posted by: Barnaby | March 9, 2010 5:14 AM
(Aw, fuck it...)
"I guess I'm wondering why you're appalled here today."
Posted by: Lugar | March 9, 2010 6:21 AM
"He has my brain and I got his enormous schwanzstucker. Unfortunately, I kept my ED."
Posted by: LV | March 9, 2010 7:17 AM
He's better, but he'll never speak fluent English again.
Posted by: Barnaby | March 9, 2010 7:27 AM
Maybe some candied nuts and berries will cheer him up.
Posted by: Barnaby | March 9, 2010 7:29 AM
If you squint your eyes REAL hard, you might just see that there's a pretty decent guy in there.
Posted by: Barnaby | March 9, 2010 7:33 AM
"I must confess, I'm getting pretty sick and tired of all his 'ooga booga' bullshit."
Posted by: Kronk | March 9, 2010 8:53 AM
"Well, you can hardly blame him for being steamed. Those Geico jokes went stale years ago."
Posted by: Kronk | March 9, 2010 11:06 AM
"The drip? Oh, we're mainlining him mead."
Posted by: Kronk | March 9, 2010 11:10 AM
"When he gropes you, just close your eyes and pretend you're Rae Dawn Chong."
Posted by: Kronk | March 9, 2010 11:17 AM
"Fusilli, you crazy bitch?!? No way -- we're feeding him grubs."
Posted by: Kronk | March 9, 2010 11:53 AM
You're Jean Auel's daughter? Maybe he's just doped out on painkillers, but this guy says he's suing your mother for ripping off his life story.
Posted by: clannish | March 9, 2010 12:16 PM
Malpractice, schmalpractice. Show me the attorney who'll take conch shells for payment!
Posted by: clannish | March 9, 2010 12:28 PM
He hates jail, and anything that resembles it... because he's a noble savage.
Posted by: Rousseau-ski | March 9, 2010 12:30 PM
"Someone started playing the song Crazy over and over again. And now he thinks he's Patsy Cline."
Posted by: Kathy H | March 9, 2010 12:35 PM
I don't care to dim your animal spirits, ma'am, but you'll note the absence of a "tent."
Posted by: clannish | March 9, 2010 12:41 PM
Why so glum? He'll be out of here in a week, and THEN you two can visit the relatives at the Museum of Natural History.
Posted by: clannish | March 9, 2010 12:48 PM
Damn, this guy had the whole ward fooled. We thought he was a primitive, but then we checked his fillings and he turned out to be Nick Nolte.
Posted by: clannish | March 9, 2010 12:57 PM
"Mrs. al in la, all he keeps saying is 'Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. Ha, ha, ha!' Do you have any idea what that means?"
Posted by: Tim H | March 9, 2010 2:59 PM
No, I don't smell anything.
Posted by: Adam | March 9, 2010 3:03 PM
I should warn you: we had to shave his balls.
Posted by: Adam | March 9, 2010 3:04 PM
The Ghost of Christmas Future, I take it?
Posted by: Adam | March 9, 2010 3:05 PM
I told you Rosemary, the adolescent years were going to be hell.
Posted by: boneguy | March 9, 2010 3:29 PM
We are now in recovery mode for the intern who gave him an enema.
Posted by: boneguy | March 9, 2010 3:35 PM
I'm not a doctor, however I did have my hand up his ass last night.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 9, 2010 3:39 PM
So it's a deal. I pull the plug and you blow me.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 9, 2010 3:46 PM
I guess you're wondering why I'm enthralled with his rear today.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 9, 2010 3:59 PM
I guess you're wondering why I [Monty, Dierdre, Anthony Michael] Halled you here today. Hirsute, balls, anal, fusili, alinla, Effron you bitch, etc." Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Posted by: Grandmama | March 9, 2010 5:08 PM
"Tonda pooka."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 9, 2010 5:33 PM
[Grandmama, you belong in the "Hall Hall of Fame."]
Posted by: Anonymouse | March 9, 2010 5:36 PM
We've made a diagonsis, Mrs. Hall. He has hirsute balls and anal fusilli, in case you were wondering.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 9, 2010 6:08 PM
"Whatta ya say we give him a fauxhawk?"
"Next, I'll show you my collection of arrowheads."
"The nurse royally fucked up. I said '20,000 mcg's,' she heard, '20,000 B.C.'"
"I told you the treatment would make him a million years younger."
"You should have told us about his penicillin allergy."
Posted by: Baby Doc | March 9, 2010 6:45 PM
"Unfortunately, one of our nurses inadvertently switched the saline bag with one full of hair growth tonic."
Posted by: Dave | March 9, 2010 7:25 PM
"He's in no mood for joking. Whatever you do, don't call him Harry."
Posted by: Dave | March 9, 2010 7:27 PM
"He claims he's Yogi Berra, or some dumb shit."
Posted by: dwilk | March 9, 2010 8:21 PM
"We had a dickens of a time shaving him for the hernia surgery."
Posted by: David | March 9, 2010 9:00 PM
"He gives YOU the creeps? Last night he told me was on Medicaid."
Posted by: Rousseau-ski | March 9, 2010 9:05 PM
Oops.
"He gives YOU the creeps? Last night he told me he's on Medicaid."
Posted by: Rousseau-ski | March 9, 2010 9:06 PM
We just call him "re in er."
Posted by: Dex | March 9, 2010 10:13 PM
"Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back at your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn———t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he———s me. But he'd still look like a horse."
Posted by: Isaiah | March 9, 2010 10:48 PM
"Rogaine, no pain."
Posted by: Swaption | March 10, 2010 1:31 AM
"Funny thing is, he won't eat anything except quiche."
Posted by: Richard H | March 10, 2010 6:53 AM
"Strangest thing. He said he was totally normal until Rep. Massa started tickling him."
Posted by: Kathy H | March 10, 2010 9:32 AM
"We've given him a Nair-for-Men dip, but the dingleberries here remain obscene."
Posted by: Auntie Perspirant | March 10, 2010 11:05 AM
"All we know so far: his viewing habits suggest he's actually smarter than a 5th Grader. Oh, and I almost forgot: Hirsute, balls, anal, fusili, alinla, Effron you bitch, etc."
Posted by: Jack Fodder | March 10, 2010 11:10 AM
"Even his memory appears to be a little fuzzy. I suggest we...(hijack)...Hirsute, balls, anal, fusili, alinla, Effron you bitch, etc.""
Posted by: Gern Blanston | March 10, 2010 1:29 PM
There are 182 reasons for hairiness. So far we've ruled out an ovarian cyst.
Posted by: CRC | March 10, 2010 1:40 PM
He'll be up hunting and gathering in no time.
Posted by: Rocko | March 10, 2010 6:09 PM
"This is the worst yeast infection I've ever seen."
Posted by: Lieutenant Macaroni | March 10, 2010 6:10 PM
"That reminds me. Make me a dinner reservation at the Reeking Testicles Trattoria."
Posted by: Lieutenant Macaroni | March 10, 2010 6:18 PM
I can't promise you anything. I've never used three enema bags before.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 10, 2010 6:28 PM
I'm consulting with Dr. Allen L. Alien. Multiple anal probes are likely.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 10, 2010 6:31 PM
He's dying. I shot a 79 this morning.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 10, 2010 6:36 PM
"Right after we thawed him out of the block of ice, he started dying. Not really surprising, actually."
Posted by: Abe | March 10, 2010 7:08 PM
"He claims he's Yogi Berra, or whatever that guy's name is."
Posted by: Rocko | March 10, 2010 7:15 PM
"I should warn you: this is a big, ugly, hairy man you've never met. I don't know what room your husband is in."
Posted by: Francis | March 10, 2010 7:15 PM
"He's been sexting some guy in Indonesia named treeman about raising their little Fur-trees."
Posted by: Lyndsey——— | March 10, 2010 7:37 PM
"That cat can eat a whole watermelon."
Posted by: Ruben | March 10, 2010 7:42 PM
"I agree, Mrs. Jack -- if I may call you that. Wolfman has never been the same since disco jumped the shark."
Posted by: Talentless | March 10, 2010 8:06 PM
"Insurance? He has HMO sapiens."
Posted by: Dex | March 10, 2010 8:37 PM
"First we had him neutered, then we had him spayed."
Posted by: Swaption | March 10, 2010 9:52 PM
Now he's thinking lawsuit, thanks to his asshole lawyer brother, Ciroc something.
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | March 11, 2010 12:39 AM
"He asked about Mad Men. And when I told him it wouldn't return until August, he fell back into his deep funk."
Posted by: Tim H | March 11, 2010 11:35 AM
"You should seriously consider having your breasts enlarged."
Posted by: Maj. B. G. Chesterton | March 11, 2010 11:37 AM
"You're just lucky he isn't a 69-year-old who played for a Los Angeles team. They're dying like flies these days."
Posted by: Elgin | March 11, 2010 12:42 PM
Your captions are unethical.
Posted by: Pete A. | March 11, 2010 2:35 PM
Complications can arise from any hair-removal procedure. He was informed of the risks.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 11, 2010 2:51 PM
He passed away twenty minutes ago. What would be an appropriate amount of time for you to grieve before we fuck?
Posted by: Anonymous | March 11, 2010 2:58 PM
"He's been in peevish spirits since Nurse Josh refused to give him a Happy-Ending sponge bath."
Posted by: Lieutenant Macaroni | March 11, 2010 3:01 PM
No, Mrs. Bond. I expect you to cry.
Posted by: Auntie Crapper | March 11, 2010 3:04 PM
It's your call, ma'am. I get paid either way.
Posted by: Auntie Crapper | March 11, 2010 3:11 PM
"While he does perk up a bit when we bring in the dogs on Thursdays, last week he ate a shih tzu."
Posted by: Kathy H | March 11, 2010 4:19 PM
"Yesterday, we helped him with the census form. He checked the box marked 'Other'."
Posted by: Tim H | March 11, 2010 4:25 PM
No, Mrs. Bond. I expect you to comply. With his end of life directive.
Posted by: Aunti Crapper | March 11, 2010 4:33 PM
"I told he's very sick. He asked for a second opinion, so I told him he's also ugly."
Posted by: H. Youngman | March 11, 2010 5:40 PM
"Are you ready for the best mustache ride of your life?"
Posted by: Lieutenant Macaroni | March 11, 2010 5:52 PM
"I believe the expression is: m——nage —— trois."
Posted by: Lieutenant Macaroni | March 11, 2010 6:53 PM
"Behold, my brother Esau is a hairy man, but I am a smooth man."
Posted by: Dave | March 11, 2010 6:59 PM
"We decided to move him to a modern ICU. He was getting sick of his bed pan bird saying `It's a living' all the time."
Posted by: Damon | March 11, 2010 7:34 PM
He's hallucinating. Wants to live long enough to judge something or other. Says he's alley oop in la.
Posted by: Anonymous (Not Kathy H.) | March 11, 2010 8:34 PM
I botched the surgery, so I guess you're wondering why I had the gall to come here today.
Posted by: Dr. Mel Practice | March 11, 2010 9:46 PM
The sedatives here? Ketamine.
Posted by: P. Fizer | March 12, 2010 1:57 AM
"The bad news is that electrolysis and gastric bypass are not covered by your husband's insurance. The good news is that chemotherapy will address both issues. On that note, he has brain cancer, which I guess is kind of a mixed bag, news-wise."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | March 12, 2010 11:44 AM
"I'm afraid your husband has a terminal case of being a fat disgusting fuck."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | March 12, 2010 11:53 AM
"Look, Em, I don't know what was in the time portal or those slippers, but that thing is part Cairn Terrier and part alcoholic girl from Kansas."
Posted by: Zeke | March 12, 2010 1:47 PM
I don't care if he DID create Mad Magazine - he can use a bedpan like everyone else!
Posted by: Slack-a-gogo | March 12, 2010 2:59 PM
"We'll have to do further tests to locate his genitals, I'm afraid."
Posted by: Glenn | March 12, 2010 3:00 PM
"In his new book Karl Rove says this patient is handsome and in perfect health. That's good enought for me."
Posted by: NAMBY | March 12, 2010 5:31 PM
"The beast part I get, but where's the beauty?"
Posted by: Swaption | March 12, 2010 8:08 PM
"He keeps counting in Roman Numerals."
Posted by: Robert | March 12, 2010 9:46 PM
Okay, here's the freak. Now where's my five bucks?
Posted by: Austin D | March 12, 2010 9:50 PM
Your mother's treatment has had an unexpected side-effect.
Posted by: Austin D | March 12, 2010 9:52 PM
Well, if you didn't send him the flowers, who did?
Posted by: Austin D | March 12, 2010 9:54 PM
Watch your step; he doesn't use the toilet.
Posted by: Austin D | March 12, 2010 9:58 PM
"He keeps muttering, 'Foregive them father for they don't know what the fuck they're doing.'"
Posted by: Rob | March 12, 2010 10:06 PM
She had a bad reaction to the hormone replacement therapy. We're postponing gender reassignment surgery.
Posted by: Dr. G. Bender | March 12, 2010 10:19 PM
"It's really a case of a cartoonist who's too lazy to draw legs."
Posted by: Jess Sayin | March 13, 2010 12:31 AM
He says he starred with you in One Million Years B.C. We think his name is al, but he insists we call him Tumak.
Posted by: John Richardson | March 13, 2010 4:48 PM
"I'm going to need a stool sample...from you, for him to eat."
Posted by: Lieutenant Macaroni | March 13, 2010 5:16 PM
"He really doesn't have Big Feet. Soooo... I guess ALL those huge footprints WERE fake!"
Posted by: Johnny V | March 13, 2010 7:29 PM
Strange. Since he———s been here I have an overwhelming desire to renounce my identity, stop shaving, let my hair grow, sell the Porsche, step out of the handmade John Lobbs and trade my Brioni suit and tie for filthy burlap. And now he is muttering about medical school, stock options, condos and refers to HIMSELF as Dr. Trevor Prescott and to ME as Og. And he laughs.
Posted by: TimR | March 13, 2010 8:00 PM
"Come on in, Mrs. Winchler..."
Posted by: mypalmike | March 13, 2010 10:20 PM
"He had to read about 200 captions this week, so his condition is understandable."
Posted by: Virgil | March 14, 2010 10:22 AM
"I'm going to suggest a treatment plan of radical trichotillomania."
Posted by: Trent | March 14, 2010 10:23 AM
"I'm sure your family does love him, Mrs. Henderson, but I just can't release him now."
Posted by: Grant | March 14, 2010 11:34 PM
"After Geico got the gecko and the show on Abc fell through he just wouldn't stop eating. And now his blood pressure is dangerously high."
Posted by: Grant | March 14, 2010 11:37 PM
"Well Mrs. Vitropolis, the results of our testing have shown that your husband is not in fact an ape, only Greek."
Posted by: Frank | March 14, 2010 11:40 PM
"I know right. Even the gorilla made it into the New Yorker caption contest before a black guy."
Posted by: Grant | March 14, 2010 11:43 PM
"He was going around telling everyone the past couple of winners of the anti-cap were actually funny. We had to commit him."
Posted by: Frank | March 14, 2010 11:46 PM
How is the winner an anti-cap? It seems more like a funny caption to me.........................................
Posted by: AL IN LA | March 15, 2010 3:56 AM
Unofficial "anti"-caption winner:
"I'm going to need a stool sample...from you, for him to eat." - Lieutenant Macaroni
Posted by: mypalmike | March 15, 2010 6:22 PM