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January 18, 2010

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #225

al in la

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. (Maximum five entrys per person, 25 words per caption.)

Anticap 225 runway.jpg

Rules & Tips

"Hi, wanna see my confetti impression?"-- TG Gibbon

"No, Captain, Sullenberger, I'm not Kate Hudson and you can't 'ditch it' in me."--JohnnyB

"Oh, jeez. Another fucking moron to get arrested while they close down the goddam airport."--Glenn

"Remember me? I was on Comair CRJ-100. 49 of us died and you survived. I hope you're haunted by my face."--Yetta K

For additional Honorable Mentions and a Judge's Comment on all of the winning entries, visit al in la's blog..


"I'm like that guy who got eaten by a bear but for planes and also a cheerleader. But that's just for my college apps."

"Hi, wanna see my confetti impression?"

"In case the laws of aerodynamics don't work, I'm here to cheer you up."

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to fly."

"No, Captain, Sullenberger, I'm not Kate Hudson and you can't 'ditch it' in me."

"I'm the cheerleader for the graduating flight delay training class of 2010."

"No, really, I can't hear you."

———I just found out I———m pregnant, Dad. Like...what do I do now?———

———Oh-my-god! Is that how you do runway?———

"Oh, jeez. Another fucking moron to get arrested while they close down the goddam airport."

"Remember me? I was on Comair CRJ-100. 49 of us died and you survived. I hope you're haunted by my face."


"Have a good flight! You can find me at shemalesandtrannies.com!"

"Coach said to get off the fucking field."

Delta delta....fly the friendly thighs.

———Earth to phallic metallic! We were here first.———

These To Catch A Predator stings are getting increasingly elaborate.

"HEY BABY! You wanna be my cockpit?"

The day I show you my tits is the day Radosh puts Pamela Anderson's generously augmented twins fully exposed on his blog site. What? Oh shit.

"No, you'll be raped in Haiti"

Funny you should ask for a "D" and an "A", they're on the grass right behind you.

"You don't have to tell ME about the coefficient of drag, captain honey."

"I wanna switch from poms to the mile-high club."

Funny you should ask for a "D" and another "D",they're on the grass right behind you.

Have by chance, you seen a large flock of geese?
I was supposed to meet them at the end of runway 31L 10 minutes ago. They are flying in from Canada. Well keep an eye out for them Capt. and if you see them let them know I'm here. Thanks. And have nice flight to Charlotte.

When funding for the landing lights gets restored, I'll be looking for work.

Surprise! Dennis, will you go to prom with me?

Yes, I would love to go to Rome with you. Can I bring these two severed heads?

"I just flew in from Dallas and boy are my arms tired. And how did you guys get here?"


"O'Hare?? How 'bout some pubic hair?"

"Don't forget your wigs, boys."

"Two, four, six, eight,
I'll help you elevate.
Just be careful not to slip
When you reach the landing strip. Go Jets!"

"Do you like the wig in my left hand better, or the one in my right?"

"The one in the middle."

"It's Jeff Zucker's latest idea to save the network. Think of it as LOST Meets HEROES, but if J.J. Abrams asks, it's based on an idea by Art Buchwald."

The quake victims aren't going anyhwhere. I'm gonna
fuck her.

"Hey Cheer-person, show me your balls."

"Marry me, and we'll create little TV-Pilots." (Tranny jokes rule!)

"Excuse me. I'm looking for Alex Ovechkin. He was out here playing hockey."

TSA regulations require me to look in your underpants.

Gosh, Captain Sullenberger sure has a lot of close personal friends.

Yes, I am a natural blonde.

So you're looking to get high, huh?

What do you think a cheerleader's doing on the tarmac, Jim?

And boy are my arms tired.

"Suck the cheerleader into your port engine, save the world."

"Do you need anyone to turn on the auto-asphyxiation pilot?"

"Is this the airline where fun bags fly free?"

It was supposed to be a FLASHMOB. Dammit, did I get the time wrong?

I'm here for the EXOPHTHALMOS support group. But this must be the wrong week . . .

That's kinda . . . offensive. No, I said if you start the engines, I'LL be sucked into them like a piece of hamburger into a garbage disposal . . .

"So, do you boys want TWA-Coffee or TWA-Tea?"

[Note: This joke is so old I almost felt too embarassed to post it. Almost.]

I am here to remind you that when you reach V3, pull on your stick.

"Welcome to Indianapolis, Jets fans. As you exit the plane feel free to chant "Show your tits!" at the yound lady on the tarmac. It's included in your deluxe package"

"I realize you both have other choices, so thanks for flying me."

Most of my Johns come by car.

Of course I have Grey Poupon.

That's a negative, tower. Our tranny is out.

Stop it.

"Sully, stop showing off and get off the fucking track. The game starts in ten minutes."

"Hold up a sec, that's our navigator Al."

"Why do you guys have no mouths?"

"Wow! Mini Cooper makes a 747?"

"If you can hear me, you might want to close your window."

"Krrrr...This is your captain speaking. To the left, you'll see a cheerleader. Thank you for choosing the Tostito's Fiesta Flight from Albuquerque."

"A cheerleader!?"

"I'm sure glad there are no black TSA agents here to see this."

"What do you mean you could see my landing strip?"

"I would be cheering, but that wasn't a very good landing."

"We're about to take off. It's too late to dust the plane."

Gimme an A! Gimme an L!

You looking for Al in LAX?
He was attacked my a mob of angry anti-cappers last week. I'm here to cheer him up.

"She must be a Jet fan."

"Look, Payton Manning has come out to personally greet the team."

"No Mr. Bond, I expect you to comply (with FAA regulations).

"Is that a Schiphol in your pants or are you just happy to see an androgynous cheerleader?"

"Fuselage, you crazy bastard!"

"Is that your prolapsed uterus or are you actually a man?"

"Hello! I'm not a waitress. I can't show you my tips."

"Oh, you were smoking grass on the runway skirt. Now I feel stupid out here for you in this grass skirt."

"Do you really think this the time to be associating teenage cheerleaders and landingstrips, when sexting hurts so many of our youth?"

"Hey look, it's Kato Kaelin in a grass skirt!"

"Our right wing is slanted FORWARD? Thanks, miss, we'll check it out."

"Holy cow, Al, it's a terrorist! I think she just said she has two 'bomb-bombs'!"

Oh 'Dd' you're so fine
You're so fine
You blow my mind
Hey 'Dd' !!
Hey 'Dd' !!

"Out your windows to the left you'll see the Grand Canyon....My apologies, folks, I was looking up a cheerleader's skirt."

"Oh m' god, that was like totally the raddest plane thingy like ever."

"You are trespassing on a sacred female Indian burial ground. Your journey is cursed."

"D-L-A-I-D! What's it spell?"

"The control towers here say she's perky and lean."

"What? Turn off the en-...what? Do I like small children?"

"I just wanted to let you know you are missing a wing. In fact, the one wing you do have is just two lines."

*Movie announcer voice* "This summer, from the Director of SOUL PLANE comes the romantic comedy event of the summer, WHITE PLANE."

"You say we're in Scandinavia and not Haiti? Do they even have cheerleaders in Scandinavia? Damnit Sarge, is that you again?

"Wow, for freshmen, your homecoming float is really nice"

"Gimme a B! Huh?! What?! I can't hear you because your plane just blew out my ears you asshole!!! Did you give me a B or not?"

"Whatever you do, please don't let the Man purposely crash your plane, blame terrorists, and use the "attack" to ramrod new laws down our throats."

We've got to stop meeting like this. I have other responsibilities. From now on, meet me on twitter. Warning: they have a stricter word limit.

"Yes, we carry Kotex—— Maxi Pads with Wings. Why do you ask?"

"Excuse me, but somebody told me that a human being was once sucked completely through a jet engine. Is that true? If so, then I guess the engines on jets really suck."

"A cheerleader? Me? Who the hell thinks I'm a cheerleader? I look nothing like a cheerleader. And who the hell can ever figure out what Dd draws in these things?"

"In Soviet Russia, you suck off cheerleader."

"Hi, my name is Hudson. Do you want to be in me?"

"Sorry, miss, you've already been sullied."

"I'm haunted by the faces of my victims. Specifically that cheerleader that I raped and killed in Seattle last year. You remember, right, Phil?"


"Captain Ober to control. I've spotted a double D on the runway. And a cheerleader with moderately-sized tits. Over."

"Captain Ober to control. Request permission to enter Summit High School airspace. Over."

"Excuse me, could you please move your plane? I really need to get to that bench. Thanks a lot!"


"U make rung toin. Dees Czeck Repobleek! Go bek op een air...make left turn PeezmoBeetch."

["Oh...N eff u see Raydush, tell heem u c Rados...N she preggers mit El Een Lah bebe, dat zan-uv-beetch!]

"She's a reporter for Fox News. They're here doing a story about our right wing."

"E komo mai o Hawaii. Welcome! I'm here to get you two leid."

"Could you pull up a few feet? You stopped on my diaphragm. It falls out sometimes when I do splits."

"You know there's a jet engine stuck to the window of your cockpit, right?"

"Please, no more atomic wedgies."

"I'm not THAT loud and obnoxious- turn off your engine first, then I'll service you."

She's awfully scrawny. Let's taxi over to Pamela.

"Suck your dick for an upgrade, mister?"

"I don't think you'll be leaving anytime soon. I just scalped your flight crew."

"Did anyone find a lost '1995 Jennifer Aniston' wig on the last flight?"

"I'll be using these instead of those cone-topped flashlight things. You'll not only pay just as much attention to where you're taxiing, but you'll get a big ol' hard-on in the process."

"Well, are you going to open the door and extend the ladder so I can get on the fucking plane? Goddamn municipal airports..."

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