The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #183
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
•Last week's results. •Rules and tips.
pop
- advice goddess
- a.j. jacobs
- arts & letters daily
- banterist
- eric berlin
- best week ever
- blowing smoke
- boing boing
- buck hill
- burro hall
- cinecultist
- cinematical
- city rag
- corporate casual
- the corsair
- coudal
- the cure for bedbugs
- cutting to the chase
- defamer
- the dirk
- drew's blog-o-rama
- encyclopedia hanasiana
- fark
- fimoculous
- gawker
- glass shallot
- golden fiddle
- go fug yourself
- grow a brain
- happy scrappy
- heaneyland
- lindsayism
- low culture
- meme first
- metafilter
- the morning news
- the movie blog
- muss my hair
- new yorkish
- maud newton
- obscure store
- old hag
- opinionade
- panopticist
- pieces of flair
- precog
- pullquote
- radar
- screenhead
- slumbering lungfish
- stereogum
- throwing things
- tmftml
- toner mishap
- tuned in
- tv squad
- whatevs
- whedonesque
politics
- 100 monkeys
- roger ailes
- altercation
- americablog
- buzzmachine
- comment is free
- marc cooper
- crooked timber
- daily kos
- brad delong
- direland
- eschaton
- fairshot
- functional ambivalent
- gone to croatan
- hit and run
- huffington post
- jesus' general
- kaus files
- ezra klein
- majikthise
- brendan nyhan
- the opinionator
- pandagon
- the plank
- political animal
- the poor man
- andrew sullivan
- talking points memo
- tapped
- james taranto
- this modern world
- tpm cafe
- unqualified offerings
- james wolcott
- wonkette
- matthew yglesias
sex
media
religion
new york
personal
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Comments
"Did you turn the iron off?"
Posted by: Kathy H | March 2, 2009 2:35 PM
"Oh my God! It's my husband!!"
Posted by: Tim H | March 2, 2009 2:37 PM
"If you think this is going to get you out of eating my pussy, you can think again, mister."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 2, 2009 2:44 PM
"There is no way I'm having sex with you while those horriblly mangled car crash victims watch us through the windshield!"
"Okay, so I guess the whole 'earth moving' thing was actually the impact of that car ripping through the wall and ceiling. But it was still pretty good! I think I almost came!"
"Aw, crap. Where are we going to find a tow truck, a salvage operator, a building contractor, and a coroner at this time of night?"
Posted by: Rubrick | March 2, 2009 2:44 PM
“Hint, hint.”
Posted by: Rob | March 2, 2009 2:47 PM
"Bummer."
Posted by: Jose | March 2, 2009 2:52 PM
"Is that James Spader and Deborah Kara Unger?"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 2, 2009 2:53 PM
"'There goes the anti-caption contest if that's Radosh hurrying around late again' ? How could you ?!"
Posted by: Sam L. | March 2, 2009 2:53 PM
"The cars here are subceiling."
Posted by: mypalmike | March 2, 2009 2:54 PM
"Learn how to drive, asshole! Also, there appears to be a car crashed through our ceiling."
Posted by: mypalmike | March 2, 2009 2:58 PM
"Have you seen David Cronenberg's 'Crash'? Because I am so wet right now."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | March 2, 2009 3:00 PM
"I don't care what kind of car you drive. No sex without a condom."
Posted by: Richard H | March 2, 2009 3:00 PM
"That new Chrysler Voyeur, I suppose."
Posted by: Sam L. | March 2, 2009 3:01 PM
"Yeah, it seemed like fun. Get mad drunk, drive home at 110 miles per hour, crash the car through the ceiling, fuck like jackhammers all night. But whose house is this? And how are we gonna clean up this mess?"
Posted by: Richard H | March 2, 2009 3:02 PM
"When I said you could park it in my rear entrance, I wasn't taking about the tiny little car of yours."
Posted by: Richard H | March 2, 2009 3:03 PM
typo fix:
"When I said you could park it in my rear entrance, I wasn't talking about the tiny little car of yours."
Posted by: Richard H | March 2, 2009 3:04 PM
"How do you think these walls would look if we painted them olive green?"
Posted by: Richard H | March 2, 2009 3:06 PM
"When I said you could deploy my airbags, I really meant 'why don't you take off my bra'?"
Posted by: Richard H | March 2, 2009 3:08 PM
"Next time the crib goes on my side of the bed."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 2, 2009 3:13 PM
"Four-0n-The-Floor ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | March 2, 2009 3:16 PM
“Finally! Someone achieved penetration in this bedroom."
Posted by: Rob | March 2, 2009 3:19 PM
"I told you we should have kept the crib on the other side of the bed."
Posted by: J | March 2, 2009 3:24 PM
That reminds me. The inspector said that we have a horrible combination of termites and mold, so we have to stop parking in the garage and move our bedroom out of the basement.
Posted by: Charles | March 2, 2009 3:26 PM
"It's too bad there's no 'crack' here speeding this."
Posted by: Sam L. | March 2, 2009 3:26 PM
I'll bet that would have been an uncomfortably accurate metaphor for our current sexual adventure, if only we'd had time to actually get started.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 2, 2009 3:31 PM
Did you come? Sorry, the car crashing through the ceiling distracted me for a second.
Posted by: bunsen | March 2, 2009 3:33 PM
My other car is a Rolls.
Posted by: pessimist | March 2, 2009 3:33 PM
"Did you feel the car move too?"
Posted by: Francis | March 2, 2009 3:33 PM
"The only apartment we can afford after you lost your job at Lehman and our house was repossessed just happens to be directly below the plunging auto industry. Damn, this Depression, this literal, literal Depression."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 2, 2009 3:36 PM
You know, if you'd put the ear and nose back on that face, I'd swear it was Bill Keane.
Posted by: pessimist | March 2, 2009 3:37 PM
"Duh ! No snow-chains."
Posted by: Sam L. | March 2, 2009 3:38 PM
"Well, this seems about as good a time to tell you as any: I'm fucking Rush Limbaugh's third chin."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 2, 2009 3:38 PM
Our relationship is a real car wreck.
Posted by: therblig | March 2, 2009 3:50 PM
"Not now, Herbie. Go back to bed."
Posted by: Deborah | March 2, 2009 4:03 PM
See, honey - every guy has emissions problems from time to time.
Posted by: therblig | March 2, 2009 4:04 PM
Relax, it's not your father's Oldsmobile.
Posted by: therblig | March 2, 2009 4:08 PM
"Oh, by the way, Paul Harvey died."
"The city HAS to do something about that oversized speed bump."
"Your ride's here."
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 2, 2009 4:12 PM
“Actually, it was as good for me as it was for him.”
Posted by: Rob | March 2, 2009 4:13 PM
"I ask for a Mercedes SUV and these Enterprise fuckers deliver a Ford Sedan."
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 2, 2009 4:19 PM
"Well, I tried to talk you out of it, Herb, but you wanted to watch. Happy now? No, of course you're not, you've been crushed by a car."
Posted by: Vance | March 2, 2009 4:20 PM
"It seems like only yesterday that both our legs were severed just below the knee in that mishap on the way to our wedding reception. Let us hope the occupants of that automobile have not sustained the same injuries, as that would be most unfortunate for them."
Posted by: J.D. | March 2, 2009 4:22 PM
I guess it's a metaphor for my vaginissimus.
Posted by: LK | March 2, 2009 4:25 PM
"I'm pregnant."
Posted by: David John | March 2, 2009 4:34 PM
"I knew buying that Mercury Mistress was a mistake!"
Posted by: xjv | March 2, 2009 4:36 PM
"The Prius here has careened."
Posted by: J.D. | March 2, 2009 4:40 PM
"...probably insured with AIG."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 2, 2009 4:42 PM
"Sorry, John. This time I really do have a headache."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 2, 2009 4:54 PM
"Check and see if anyone's still alive. It's okay, I'm not a clock-watcher."
Posted by: David John | March 2, 2009 4:56 PM
"I don't care that you worshipped Dale Earnhardt, and I'm sorry he was killed, but getting his wife to decorate our bedroom was just a stupid idea."
Posted by: A.J. | March 2, 2009 5:00 PM
"No, I'm not gonna fuck Billy Joel with the children sleeping in the next room."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 2, 2009 5:11 PM
"Hey, fucking Forrest Gump, do you know how hard it is to have an orgasm when you're giving me that deer-in-the-headlights look?"
Posted by: djack | March 2, 2009 5:13 PM
"This Sealy Posturpedic Crown Royal mattress fucking rules!"
Posted by: djack | March 2, 2009 5:15 PM
"Lately, you seem distracted. Are you fucking another women, or Honda?"
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 2, 2009 5:19 PM
"No cell ! No land line ! F*&%^# Lehman....F*&%^# Verizon !"
Posted by: Mr. Dudewrench | March 2, 2009 5:19 PM
"I hope those children in the back aren't too badly injured to get out before the car bursts into flames."
"Figures. I oiled the hinges on that door."
"You call this auto-eroticism? I want a divorce."
Posted by: Dustin | March 2, 2009 5:21 PM
[oops]
"Lately, you seem distracted. Are you fucking another woman, or Honda?"
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 2, 2009 5:26 PM
Good think I ejaculate prematurely, or this could have been embarrassing!
Posted by: Matt | March 2, 2009 5:30 PM
"Well at least Sullenberger got everyone out alive."
Posted by: Truman | March 2, 2009 5:33 PM
"It's too bad that no folks could be i.d.'d ...thus."
Posted by: Mr. Dudewrench | March 2, 2009 5:37 PM
"I'm gonna go. Both my parents were killed having affairs while cars crashed through their motel room walls, and I promised myself I wouldn't make their mistakes."
Posted by: David John | March 2, 2009 5:53 PM
"Boy, Cosmo was right: auto-erotic asphyxiation IS hot!"
Posted by: mdoyle | March 2, 2009 6:10 PM
What did you expect? When we bought the house it was raining safes.
Posted by: Charles | March 2, 2009 6:11 PM
"Yes, it's too bad about his severed femoral artery, but this thing is going to get mad hits on YouPorn."
Posted by: mdoyle | March 2, 2009 6:12 PM
I guess Sully doesn't drive as well as he flys.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 2, 2009 6:13 PM
"Beige . . . I think I'll paint this room beige."
Posted by: Galoux | March 2, 2009 6:24 PM
"Why couldn't it just use the stairs like that nice cab in New Yorker contest #143?"
Posted by: Galoux | March 2, 2009 6:31 PM
Right on the fucking baby crib! I just can't believe it. Good thing my husband works in insurance. He'll know what to do.
That kid was yours by the way.
Posted by: D. Hernandez | March 2, 2009 6:34 PM
"Hint. Hint."
Posted by: al in la | March 2, 2009 6:41 PM
"The cracks in the ceiling seem remarkably contained, much like our own understated response."
Posted by: mort drucker | March 2, 2009 6:58 PM
“By the way, I told mother to drop in this wee.............kend.”
Posted by: Rob | March 2, 2009 7:02 PM
"What a shame that the leaking gasoline makes our post coital shared cigarette unsafe. But this is romantic too, in its way."
Posted by: Mort drucker | March 2, 2009 7:03 PM
"Do you ever think about our future?"
Posted by: Dave | March 2, 2009 7:07 PM
Well, we can either exchange insurance information or just dismember the body, bury it in plastic bags in the backyard, dissolve the bones with acid in the bathtub and torch the remains of the car. Up to you really...
Posted by: simsburybear | March 2, 2009 7:16 PM
Honey, that car has been there for over a year. You should have had it removed by now.
Posted by: Tron | March 2, 2009 7:18 PM
"Ever since the first bailout, these cars have gotten needier and needier."
Posted by: Alex F | March 2, 2009 7:41 PM
Right on the fucking baby crib! What are the chances, huh? Good thing my husband works in insurance.
That kid was yours, by the way.
Posted by: D. Hernandez | March 2, 2009 7:52 PM
"I can't believe I let you talk me into renting a basement apartment in Chinatown."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 2, 2009 8:27 PM
"Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty...Here, Kitty."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 2, 2009 8:40 PM
"How the fuck did that happen?"
Posted by: Steve_O | March 2, 2009 9:03 PM
"You bolted this bed into the floor really fucking good."
Posted by: Brian L | March 2, 2009 9:12 PM
"Honey, of course you can sleep with mommy and da-- OH, GOD, NO!"
Posted by: Joshua | March 2, 2009 9:16 PM
"Autoerotic my ass. Just how long was your dick incarcerated?"
Posted by: Swaption | March 2, 2009 9:55 PM
[correction]
"Figures, I just oiled the hinges on that door."
Posted by: Dustin | March 2, 2009 10:13 PM
"Well, that is the *lamest* excuse for a terrorist attack I've ever seen."
Posted by: Bou | March 2, 2009 10:29 PM
"A couple more feet and it would've been a hard on collision."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | March 2, 2009 10:51 PM
DARK DAYS OF THE RECESSION (#74 in a series). This Pontiac G8, fearful and despondent--and, with a broken radio, unaware of the government bailout--attempts suicide in an apartment in Flatbush.
Posted by: Bou | March 2, 2009 10:58 PM
You Enterprise guys really will pick a gal up. I've been in a lull since the internet decimated the door to door sales business. I miss carnal knowledge with those encyclopedia salesmen, getting my nipples sucked by Kirby vacuums and the discovering new places you can put Fuller brushes!
Posted by: Crunkin Grill | March 3, 2009 12:10 AM
"That Evrolet bitch is at it again."
Posted by: mypalmike | March 3, 2009 12:13 AM
You're my first drive-by chuting.
That was a cunning stunt, Mr. Chitwood.
Did you give me a roofie?
Posted by: Pina Colada & Ambien | March 3, 2009 12:20 AM
That's what happens when
you forget lubrication and don't service me every 3 months!
Posted by: Never Tire with Jack Off | March 3, 2009 12:28 AM
Everybody got off Sully!
You can really drive.
I don't get this auto-erotic ass fixation!
Posted by: Rear Window | March 3, 2009 12:32 AM
"You drive me wild."
Posted by: Joshua | March 3, 2009 12:41 AM
There's your hummer, big guy.
Posted by: therblig | March 3, 2009 12:55 AM
"What the fuck??!"
Posted by: Mork | March 3, 2009 1:00 AM
"So look, do you want to hear about the rest of my day or not?"
Posted by: Galoux | March 3, 2009 1:10 AM
"Cars get bigger while your most important appendages get smaller along with your bank account, your mother's basement, and my capacity to think that there is any hope."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 3, 2009 1:35 AM
Thank god the black driver was killed instantly, and thus can't see this.
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | March 3, 2009 2:02 AM
NAV SYSTEM INSIDE CAR: "You have arrived at destination: gigantic pussy."
Woman: "He landed closer to your side of the bed. Just sayin'."
Posted by: Damon | March 3, 2009 3:11 AM
"Sporty? Check. Asian? Check. Wrecked? Check. Fine for couples? Check. Well, you can't say the agency didn't try."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 3, 2009 6:21 AM
Uh-oh, better get Maaco. I mean "Mako" - I've been having an affair with our Japanese neighbor.
Posted by: therblig | March 3, 2009 9:40 AM
It's not a yogurt truck - don't get any ideas.
Posted by: therblig | March 3, 2009 9:43 AM
"Since when did you go from Mr. Early Withdrawal to Mr. Frequent Depositor? Now that I feel like a sperm bank, why shouldn't I have a drive-up window?"
"Remember over three years ago when that monster truck at the quintet concert pinned the amateur guest cellist? The 1st violin pleaded for help and you called an ambulance, saving the victim's life. That man is back, behind the wheel of that car and his name is Bernard Madoff. Gonna make any calls, genius?"
Posted by: LV | March 3, 2009 10:08 AM
"I'm not sure which I like less...this car crashing through our bedroom ceiling or your tiny penis."
Posted by: TK | March 3, 2009 10:29 AM
I didn't feel a thing! I always assumed that commercial with the wine glass was bullshit but this mattress is amazing.
Posted by: Charles | March 3, 2009 10:59 AM
Funny, it's got KY plates.
Posted by: therblig | March 3, 2009 11:03 AM
"Christ, you hump a gearshift handle one time, and they think it means you love them."
Posted by: Damon | March 3, 2009 11:05 AM
"Posterior structural retentiveness: A+ . That I girl might be so lucky !"
Posted by: Mr. Dudewrench | March 3, 2009 11:33 AM
"Did you have that father-to-son talk with Johnny about the birds and the bees today?"
"Yup."
"How'd it go?"
"Well, I didn't know where to start. I tried explaining some of Freud's theories, but that was too advanced for him. Then I remembered an old joke..."
"What joke?"
"The one about the son catching his parents in the act."
"I don't know that one."
"Sure you do. So, the son sees his mom naked in the bathroom. He points to her vagina and says, `Mommy, what's that?' 'That's mommy's garage.' Later on, the son sees his dad naked in the bathroom. He points to his penis and says, 'Daddy, what's that?' 'That's daddy's car.' That night, while mommy and daddy are in bed having sex, the son opens the door and *CRASH* AHHHHH! AHHHHH! HOLY SHIT!! IS...IS THAT OUR BUICK?!"
"Good job, Rick. I think you really reached him. Turn out the light."
Posted by: Damon | March 3, 2009 12:09 PM
"That is what anal feels like."
Posted by: MAtt | March 3, 2009 12:12 PM
"Automobile prices are really going through the roof. As are automobiles, apparently."
Posted by: Francis | March 3, 2009 12:27 PM
Correction : "Posterior structural retentiveness: A+. That a girl might be so lucky !"
Posted by: Mr. Dudewrench | March 3, 2009 12:33 PM
"Oh my god, honey, you should've been killed! Um...I mean 'could've'. Could've been killed."
Posted by: Francis | March 3, 2009 1:00 PM
"See? No one is smarter than their criteria!"
Posted by: Jim Baxter | March 3, 2009 1:14 PM
"O.K., Nader advanced safety-glass. I give you that."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 3, 2009 1:54 PM
"According to the Kinsey Institute, it's a seldom used but highly effective means of birth control...Prius interruptus."
Posted by: TK | March 3, 2009 2:10 PM
"That Kool-Aid man is a drunk."
Posted by: David | March 3, 2009 2:42 PM
"It's a good thing we're so shacky to meet thus. Any luck they survived."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 3, 2009 2:45 PM
"'Made in America' meets 'make' in America...See what's left."
Posted by: Sang Froid | March 3, 2009 3:12 PM
Is it gonna transform into a sex toy?
Posted by: Jared | March 3, 2009 3:22 PM
"I'm pregnant, it's not yours, and the car is just a metaphor.
Posted by: David | March 3, 2009 3:23 PM
Here comes GM, trying to screw us again...
or...
See, honey? There's no such thing as 'safe sex'. Now can't I put these condoms away?
Posted by: charles | March 3, 2009 4:12 PM
"Oh, my God! It's My Mother the Car!"
Posted by: Tim H | March 3, 2009 4:16 PM
"This is the worst
wake-up call I've ever had!"Posted by: Kathy H | March 3, 2009 4:24 PM
"Damn! Another damaged tranny. Oh, and that car don't look too hot either."
Posted by: Tim H | March 3, 2009 4:29 PM
"That was the most intense orgasm I've ever had. If Susan Smith had thought of this, no way she would've settled for the lake."
Posted by: Damon | March 3, 2009 6:19 PM
"Even good trompe-l'œil gets old pretty fast."
Posted by: J.D. | March 3, 2009 6:57 PM
"That's your best distraction for not being able to get it up yet, how much did you pay them, asshole?"
Posted by: Cpt Clown | March 3, 2009 7:03 PM
"Princess Diana, James Dean, General George S. Patton, Lisa Lopes, Princess Grace, Albert Camus, Margaret Mitchell, Jackson Pollock, Jayne Mansfield, Sam Kinison, David Halberstam ... why not Bil Keane?"
Posted by: J.D. | March 3, 2009 7:05 PM
"Good night."
Posted by: Mr. Peepers | March 3, 2009 9:12 PM
"Good night."
Posted by: Mr. Peepers | March 3, 2009 9:12 PM
"Oh, you meant those jaws of life!"
Posted by: TK | March 3, 2009 9:48 PM
"They gots to deliver in 30 minutes or the pizza's free."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | March 3, 2009 10:32 PM
"'Lube job', 'boob job'; I've been after you to work on your elocution for some time, so don't blame me."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | March 3, 2009 10:34 PM
"That's the nineteenth end table I've lost like that."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | March 3, 2009 10:35 PM
"Jimmy, I think Clark is getting suspicious."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | March 3, 2009 10:37 PM
"You hear that radio? Driving and listening to Negro music, this will happen every time."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | March 3, 2009 10:39 PM
"Those GPS navigation thingies still got a few bugs in them."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | March 3, 2009 10:44 PM
"Maybe the driver can loan us a condom?"
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | March 3, 2009 10:48 PM
HOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNK
Posted by: Adam | March 4, 2009 12:11 AM
"....David Halberstam, Isadora Duncan, Tom Mix, Ernie Kovacs, Herb Brooks, Doug Marlette, Brandon De Wilde, Jack Johnson, you know, the black guy...not here, of course, Pat Brady..."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 4, 2009 12:16 AM
"Everything's an excuse with you: 'It's too hot, it's too cold, I have to get up early, the kids will hear.' Well, you've got no excuse now, mister: You've got nothing but hits coming up on WXKZ for the rest of your afternoon commute, so don't touch that dial!"
"'Harmless prank,' my ass. When the dean finds out about this, there's no way he'll take you off probation in time for the finals!"
"It gets worse...wait until you see what's behind door number 2."
Posted by: Trout Almondine | March 4, 2009 12:42 AM
"Correction: 'Everybody got off. Sully, you can really drive. I don't get this auto. Erotic ass! Fixation....'"
Posted by: Trout Almondine | March 4, 2009 12:51 AM
"No, seriously...this is really REALLY fucked up!"
Posted by: Steve_O | March 4, 2009 1:25 AM
"Yo, buddy! Nothing to see here. Move along."
Posted by: al in la | March 4, 2009 1:41 AM
"Let me guess. The radiator's gonna boil over and spray hot water in my face."
Posted by: Rob | March 4, 2009 6:49 AM
You got mad design skills , Daniel Libeskind, but of structural integrity, you don't know shit.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 4, 2009 7:35 AM
"As I was saying...I spoke to my mother today and she thinks my sister was just being petty about sharing the cost of the party but it's for her friend who I don't really know and why should I have to bring dessert when her husband works right next to a bakery and I'm not sure what I'm going to wear but you need a good jacket and I have a coupon and did I tell you about the twins...oh, I lost an earring somewhere in the bathroom and don't forget you promised to fix the ..."
Posted by: TK | March 4, 2009 8:37 AM
"Why can't we ever have a serious discussion about golden showers?"
Posted by: D | March 4, 2009 10:15 AM
Why don't you get the GPS and see if can locate my clitoris.
Posted by: therblig | March 4, 2009 10:42 AM
"It's true that I just vacuumed, but this horrible and tragic accident would make my complaining about it seem quite trifling."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 4, 2009 11:02 AM
"Ford-On-The-Floor ?" (With a nod to Sam L.)
Posted by: Some Vets | March 4, 2009 11:47 AM
Diminishing voice from undercover car: "Whadda I tell you, men ?! I would find a way, or make one ! (Huh ! That has a familiar ring.) Anyways...hey, my door's jamm.."
Posted by: Some Vets | March 4, 2009 12:26 PM
"Look, honey, it's Rush Limbaugh. Why don't you go over there and apologize to him."
Posted by: Kathy H | March 4, 2009 1:08 PM
Not now, KITT.
Posted by: therblig | March 4, 2009 1:08 PM
"You lied to me! Having sex didn't make this problem fix itself!"
"Oh, did I tell you? My parents are visiting. Also, they enjoy driving cars through buildings."
Posted by: Harry | March 4, 2009 3:37 PM
"I miss the old Hertz Rent-A-Car commercials where the people used to fly into the cars."
Posted by: Tim H | March 4, 2009 4:59 PM
"I told you to tip valet parking."
Posted by: mort drucker | March 4, 2009 5:52 PM
"Did I mention my pimp is an angry man? And a drunkard and blind as well?
Posted by: mort drucker | March 4, 2009 5:56 PM
"If it remains at that angle for over four hours call your physician."
Posted by: mort drucker | March 4, 2009 8:07 PM
(slight tweak)
"I think if it remains at that angle for over four hours we're supposed to consult your physician."
Posted by: mort drucker | March 4, 2009 8:53 PM
"The crumple zone looks like your ass."
Posted by: Brian L | March 4, 2009 9:19 PM
"Holy shit!...It's your mother! She's in sexy lingerie...and she brought doughnuts...I don't care if this is a dream, Herb, I'm leaving you."
Posted by: al in la | March 4, 2009 9:53 PM
"The children look like they're sleeping. Don't they look cute there on the dashboard?"
Posted by: Brian L | March 4, 2009 10:05 PM
"If you can't find my clitoris, why don't you ask them for directions?"
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | March 4, 2009 10:42 PM
(Voice from within car) "Coxsackie?"
Posted by: TK | March 5, 2009 7:55 AM
"What the..Oh my God! I love that song, 'All i wanna do is run my zoom zoom zoom in your boom boom...' If he's not unconscious, Harry, knock on the window and ask him to turn it up"
Posted by: Dirk | March 5, 2009 12:05 PM
Stop ordering from Domino's. I don't mind the crashing cars, that's part of the 30 minute delivery. But I'm sick and tired of the lectures on fornication and birth control. Now, reach in and hand me a cheesy bread.
Posted by: therblig | March 5, 2009 12:09 PM
'therblig' rocks !....this week.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 5, 2009 1:00 PM
"The sex was 'so-so'... so I am still going to have to sue you for the damages to my house!
"I get here as fast as I could and you AREN'T in the mood?!??
"Damn Genie! I wished I didn't have this auto-immune disease!"
"... so Saint Peter says, 'Princess Diane is wearing a halo?!! No, that's a steering wheel!'... anyway THAT'S what the accident reminded me of and why I laughed during sex."
"Don't worry... it's not my husband. It's probably another incompetent investigator he hired to catch me having an affair! Cheap Bastard!"
Posted by: Johnny V | March 5, 2009 2:57 PM
I guess you're always in a rush.
Posted by: Charles | March 5, 2009 3:11 PM
"Even when we manage to make it to bed, it's still the same routine: you and I, totally naked, a car, and you shit yourself."
Posted by: Damon | March 5, 2009 4:54 PM
"The only way this has a happy ending is if Rush Limbaugh was in the trunk."
Posted by: Cpt Clown | March 5, 2009 6:23 PM
"You've told me for 5 years that I'm too skinny and your fantasy is to back-door a rear end that's got some junk in the trunk, so start humping that tail pipe and leave me the fuck alone!"
Posted by: Captain A. | March 5, 2009 6:36 PM
"This wasn't the kind of accident I was worried about."
Posted by: Dave | March 5, 2009 8:33 PM
"Don't give me that Saab story."
Posted by: Dave | March 5, 2009 8:35 PM
"Volvo or vulva -- what'll it be?"
Posted by: Dave | March 5, 2009 8:38 PM
"Perhaps if you didn't insist on parking the car in the attic this wouldn't keep happening."
Posted by: Dave | March 5, 2009 8:40 PM
"Is that a Saturn, or your anus?"
Posted by: Dave | March 5, 2009 8:40 PM
"I told you Detroit was in real trouble."
Posted by: Dave | March 5, 2009 8:44 PM
"You be the cop, and I'll be the naughty drunk driver who you strip search, handcuff and give an incredible back rub to."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | March 5, 2009 9:41 PM
"Look, honey, it's 'Earth, Jr.' Surely you remember his famous threat back in July of last year to avenge the horrid death of his father. On the 7th, yes, it was back on July 7 of last year."
Posted by: Some Vets | March 5, 2009 11:21 PM
Jerry regrets lying to that honk if you're horny sign
Posted by: Gus | March 6, 2009 12:35 AM
"The Auroras here are driven by a Korean."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | March 6, 2009 12:54 AM
"I'm freezing. Think they have an extra blanket in the trunk? an afghan maybe? Shit, even a wash cloth would keep me warmer than this thin thing."
Posted by: Brian L | March 6, 2009 2:48 AM
"You know, I can't even imagine the laughs Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Guevara, and Pot must be having over all this. Marx ! Even Fidel."
Posted by: Some Vets | March 6, 2009 9:45 AM
Not "piston" - "pissed on". Why I looked for a fetishist on caranddriver.com I'll never know.
Posted by: therblig | March 6, 2009 11:15 AM
"It's become a favored form of our present day suicide."
Posted by: Some Vets | March 6, 2009 11:29 AM
"I'll bet he was texting again."
Posted by: MShaw | March 6, 2009 11:53 AM
"Motel 6 blows."
Posted by: MShaw | March 6, 2009 11:55 AM
"Well, it looks like Herbie's fully loaded again."
Posted by: Kathy H | March 6, 2009 12:20 PM
Repressed and virginal, Vicky awakens from R.E.M. sleep (as depicted above in a 'memory-aid' of her psychiatrist) to muffled cries of 'PULL OUT ! PULL OUT !'
Posted by: Anonymous | March 6, 2009 12:21 PM
"Sure your brother's a bad driver, but at least he came on time."
Posted by: Donny | March 6, 2009 12:51 PM
"Anyhow, it's no longer buzzing."
Posted by: Black Flag | March 6, 2009 2:19 PM
"I'll never forgive Princeton for turning our darling son into an alcoholic."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | March 6, 2009 3:15 PM
I told my pimp the drive-thru was a bad idea.
Posted by: Josh R | March 6, 2009 5:56 PM
"Sweetie? Would you get my strap-on from the dresser draw?...I know an asshole that's about to get rear-ended."
Posted by: al in la | March 6, 2009 6:19 PM
"In the old days, if you wanted the bed to vibrate, you just put in a quarter."
Posted by: Dave | March 6, 2009 8:54 PM
"Now THAT'S a sex drive!"
Posted by: Dave | March 6, 2009 9:02 PM
"In Soviet Union ceiling hits you."
Posted by: J.D. | March 7, 2009 6:48 AM
"Looks like it needs a cartoon up."
Posted by: Overdrive | March 7, 2009 7:30 AM
"My word, Willy Loman sure does want us to buy those steak knives."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | March 7, 2009 11:04 AM
Ok, you're in bed with 2 cougars. It's your move.
Posted by: therblig | March 7, 2009 11:17 AM
"This is an even bigger mess than when I let you Daewoo on my Leganzas."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | March 7, 2009 11:23 AM
"Cut! I'm never going to direct and star in one of my own movies again."
Posted by: Sofia | March 7, 2009 12:47 PM
"It's that crackpot, 'Earth, Jr.'. This will put him past Knievel for bone fractures."
Posted by: Some Vets | March 7, 2009 12:54 PM
"I wonder where that car came from? We live on the 12th floor of a 30-story apartment building."
"We should really get side mirrors that are as resilient as this car's."
Posted by: Ted | March 7, 2009 5:27 PM
"Was it good for you?"
Posted by: Dave | March 7, 2009 6:41 PM
"When I said autoerotic, that's NOT what I meant."
Posted by: Dave | March 7, 2009 6:42 PM
"Well, this sure is a mess that's going to take a great deal of effort to clean up."
Posted by: John Tabin | March 7, 2009 7:35 PM
"I told you to follow the manual when you were installing the digital converter box."
Posted by: MShaw | March 7, 2009 8:49 PM
'Al Quaida is really rubbing it in. That's not even an American car!"
Posted by: mort drucker | March 7, 2009 9:30 PM
'What a story this will make for our grandchildren as they slave in child labor camps to pay for our retirement and medicaid and Obama's stimulus."
Posted by: mort drucker | March 7, 2009 10:30 PM
"I'm glad we got this new mattress, or i might be feeling slightly uncomfortable right now!"
"Honey, I think the annoying scratching sound we heard wasn't rats... and i think Goodyear should develop new tires, so they don't sound like rats, and we don't think there are rats in our attic when really there are just a couple of cars. Did you know I talk about unrelated things when I am frightened?"
"Honey, my lamp's off."
"Boy, that's not gonna get a good crash-test rating."
"Cool! we just won a free car and a sunroof!"
Posted by: Sam Saper | March 8, 2009 8:46 AM
"I'm glad we got this new mattress, or i might be feeling slightly uncomfortable right now!"
"Honey, I think the annoying scratching sound we heard wasn't rats... and i think Goodyear should develop new tires, so they don't sound like rats, and we don't think there are rats in our attic when really there are just a couple of cars. Did you know I talk about unrelated things when I am frightened?"
"Honey, my lamp's off."
"Boy, that's not gonna get a good crash-test rating."
"Cool! we just won a free car and a sunroof!"
Posted by: Sam Saper | March 8, 2009 8:46 AM
"I'm glad we got this new mattress, or i might be feeling slightly uncomfortable right now!"
"Honey, I think the annoying scratching sound we heard wasn't rats... and i think Goodyear should develop new tires, so they don't sound like rats, and we don't think there are rats in our attic when really there are just a couple of cars. Did you know I talk about unrelated things when I am frightened?"
"Honey, my lamp's off."
"Boy, that's not gonna get a good crash-test rating."
"Cool! we just won a free car and a sunroof!"
Posted by: Sam Saper | March 8, 2009 8:53 AM
sorry i posted that 3 times! oops
Posted by: Sam Saper | March 8, 2009 8:55 AM
"I know we've been opposed to many recent decisions by the Supreme Court, but I have to admit that eminent domain suddenly sounds much more attractive to me. I fear that, unless we agree to a buyout, we could be seriously hurt by other cars that might fall through our roof. A hazard might even be posed by a chicken crossing the road to get to the other side!"
Posted by: David F | March 8, 2009 12:01 PM
"Is there anything of which one can say,'Look, this is new ?'....Ecclesiastes 1-10, for Pete's sake !"
Posted by: Anon. | March 8, 2009 3:36 PM
"Remember that guy I had the affair with, the guy who tried to sell us homeowner's insurance and auto insurance? I told him to fuck off the other day."
Posted by: Elaine | March 8, 2009 7:12 PM
"Hey assholes, you're too late! The wedding was yesterday."
Posted by: Overdrive | March 8, 2009 11:23 PM
[A variation...]
"Learn how to drive asshole! And by that, I mean that you need lessons on method, form, and technique in both the theory and practice of anal sex. Also, there appears to be a car in our bedroom."
Posted by: mypalmike | March 9, 2009 12:19 AM
"Of all the bad luck, sweety. I was just about to tell you that for the first time this year, I don't have a headache."
Posted by: c@lmike | March 9, 2009 12:20 AM
"Honey, you know I hate it when your friends just drop in on us."
Posted by: c@lmike | March 9, 2009 12:34 AM
"I guess there really is no such thing as safe sex"
Posted by: c@lmike | March 9, 2009 12:45 AM
"Well Mr. Repo Man, it looks like someone decided to save you the trouble."
Posted by: al in la | March 9, 2009 2:25 AM
Uh-oh! Looks like the neighbor is using his car-launching trebuchet against us again! And right when we were going to have sex! Ha ha ha ha ha! Life sure is funny sometimes.
Posted by: Wondo DIngo | March 9, 2009 10:55 AM
Hey, mypalmike. We got it the first time.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 9, 2009 1:10 PM
"Maybe I shouldn't have threated him with grounding if he wasn't home by midnight"
Posted by: stcoleridge | March 9, 2009 3:23 PM
[Seriously, why the hate?]
Posted by: mypalmike | March 9, 2009 3:24 PM
"I'm not cleaning this mess up until Radosh judges the anti-caption contest."
Posted by: John Tabin | March 9, 2009 3:34 PM
Is the Anti-Caption Contest really a Ponzi scheme?
Posted by: Anonymous | March 9, 2009 4:08 PM
Look, honey, just like your erection - Found On Road Dead.
Posted by: therblig | March 9, 2009 4:30 PM
"I say, cahn't anyone do something about these American drivers in London?"
Posted by: David F | March 9, 2009 5:44 PM
"These pillows are enormous."
Posted by: djack | March 9, 2009 5:50 PM
"I really don't understand why we let them into the country anyways."
Posted by: Dustin | March 9, 2009 7:23 PM
"I believe that's a Duesenberg, Model J maybe."
Posted by: D | March 9, 2009 10:25 PM
Looks like I picked the wrong week to start judging the anti-caption contest in a less timely fashion. Sorry about that.
To make it up to you, I'm offering another excellent prize to the winner of next week's contest: one of Hugh Hefner's Playboy bunnies, so you can experience Hef's sexual and material ethic of self-fulfillment which drove him to challenge the social conventions of postwar America.
Posted by: Daniel Radosh | March 10, 2009 6:52 AM
Multi-purpose caption for #183 and #184:
"Hey, gringo Jewboy, your Seven was not so Magnificent."
Posted by: djack | March 10, 2009 10:08 AM
"Somebody is going to have to do something about forced entries like this."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 10, 2009 11:25 AM
Muffled cry from car : "Help, let me out of here. This is Daniel Radosh - need I say more ?"
Posted by: The New Yorker | March 10, 2009 11:44 AM
"Maybe we should have put these pillows on layaway and gotten the TV first."
Posted by: The Economist | March 10, 2009 12:34 PM
"You know what we should do, Mulder?! Let's have sex... and later say an alien tried to abduct the car!"
"Okay, now you! Honk if YOU'RE horny!"
Posted by: Johnny V | March 10, 2009 12:56 PM
"What do you mean,'It looks like a car?'... and my name isn't JACK!"
"Okay... I'll bite... How did you get the car into the attic?"
"I guess there is NO such thing as safe sex!"
"Look and see what DVD they were watching."
Posted by: Johnny V | March 10, 2009 1:05 PM
"Help (baf..er, muffled)!. We're desperate in here."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 10, 2009 1:48 PM
Awesome! If your car is going to free bird 60 feet in the air while you're naked and listening to Alanis Morissette, what better place to land than a welfare motel in the Hamptons. The sheets may have cum stains but they're faux satin and fabulous.
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | March 10, 2009 2:39 PM
"I think this would be a good time to tell you I'm 3 months pregnant."
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | March 10, 2009 2:42 PM
"First we lose our legs from the knee down in a boating accident and now this! Is that your prosthesis sticking to the fender?"
Posted by: Anonymous | March 10, 2009 2:47 PM
Are we "there" yet? Because I'm not.
Posted by: therblig | March 10, 2009 3:59 PM
"A car walks into a motel room.......ahhh, forget it!"
Posted by: Anonymous | March 10, 2009 7:22 PM
"I'm scared -- fuck me."
Posted by: Francis | March 10, 2009 8:04 PM
"Eight days and the smell of rotting flesh is well nigh unbearable. Please, let a judgement come."
Posted by: bear stearns | March 10, 2009 9:48 PM
"The horse-powers here are extreme."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 10, 2009 11:22 PM
oh, well here's my ride. It's been fun, Gary.
Posted by: steve | March 11, 2009 12:21 AM
Well, you both can't be the
Midnight Rambler.
Posted by: therblig | March 11, 2009 1:23 AM
24 hours waiting for results.
24 beers in a case.
Coincidence?
Posted by: Anonymous | March 11, 2009 5:16 AM
What's the deal with that lugnut in the middle?
Posted by: therblig | March 11, 2009 9:11 AM
"Another Dodge Diplomat crashes and burns, causing suffering, death and destruction in its wake. Most might find this rich with irony; I, however, worked for many years at that Orwellian cesspool, playground for tyrants and their whores, mandateless money pit known as the United Nations, and thus find this a perfectly apt metaphor, to be made even more perfect if insurance fraud now ensues."
Posted by: J.D. | March 11, 2009 11:39 AM
No, and I don't want to see your Peter NorthStar system either.
Posted by: therblig | March 11, 2009 11:47 AM
"You might be surprised to learn how long our noses may endure a nearby putrefying corpse. Why, a month ago I saw in The New Yorker that...."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 11, 2009 11:49 AM
"That's one of the old but fuel-efficient European cars, isn't it ? You know, dear, I've been living with you for almost an eternity now, it seems, and yet it wasn't until a moment ago that I realized how low this ceiling is."
Posted by: Sam L. | March 11, 2009 12:12 PM
"Maserati, you crazy bastard! How are you?"
Posted by: Anonymous | March 11, 2009 2:34 PM
"I told you not to talk back to our GPS system."
Posted by: stcoleridge | March 11, 2009 3:22 PM
"The Aristocrats!"
Posted by: Jon H | March 11, 2009 5:47 PM
"Looking at what happened from our vantage point, it would be hard to believe that our bedroom has just sunk seven feet down!"
"Crap... The car's blocking our only way out and I was just about to fix a toasted cheese sandwich!"
"Well... I guess it WAS a good idea moving our 2 single beds together after all!"
"Darn! Right on top of Doreen! So much for that 3-some you wanted!"
Posted by: Johnny V | March 11, 2009 5:56 PM
So call me clairvoyant but I had a peek at next week and, believe me, it's not going to get a whole heck of a lot easier !
Posted by: Sam L. | March 11, 2009 8:55 PM
"Weird ! I just had this dream I was in that movie The Lost Week.....you know, the one with Ray Milland. Jane Wyman. Only instead of Milland, you know, it was some funny little guy, Radosh....'Potted'?...Oh, you know it, honey !"
Posted by: Sam L. | March 11, 2009 9:21 PM
Radosh's internet crashes as he posts cartoon of another type of crash. Irony implodes."
Posted by: Brian L | March 11, 2009 10:12 PM
"Be honest. Does this car crashing through our bedroom ceiling make me look fat?"
Posted by: TK | March 12, 2009 8:00 AM
"If only the jaws of life would come rescue my pussy."
Posted by: LeAnn | March 12, 2009 3:31 PM
"Good thing we're housesitting, because our house is dirty."
"Will you marry me?"
"Is Friends on tonight?"
Posted by: Abboe | March 13, 2009 1:55 PM
"Good thing we're housesitting, because our house is dirty."
"Will you marry me?"
"Is Friends on tonight?"
Posted by: AbbyChloe | March 13, 2009 1:56 PM
"I hope he's okay - he has to judge our captions."
Posted by: June | March 14, 2009 12:13 AM
next time they should establish a safe word
Posted by: meg c | March 15, 2009 1:31 PM
"The whole is more than the sum of its parts....unless they're auto parts."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 15, 2009 4:34 PM
"They've been here almost two weeks now!!...You know what? Maybe they just want to watch me dress you in a lacy bra and matching patties, then have you eat my pussy til I climax. Maybe then they'll go away...I mean it's worth a try, right?...Hello? I'm talking to you!"
Posted by: Anonymous | March 15, 2009 7:31 PM
"I've always wanted a three-way with Teddy kennedy..."
Posted by: Smitty63 | March 17, 2009 3:30 PM
Do you remember that time you asked me if I ever dated a Decepticon?
Posted by: Zacl | May 6, 2009 12:11 PM