The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #181
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
•Last week's results. •Rules and tips.
First place
"Aw crapolis!" —Zorba
Second place
"This is simply unacceptable. I suggest we offer the workers greater training and oversight. If that doesn't work, reassess the amount of rest and sustenance you're providing them. After two weeks of that, if there's still no improvement, force them to watch while we murder their wives." —Trout Almondine
Third place
"I designed a forum and these fuckers are building a stonehenge" — Richard H
Honorable mention
"What's the matter with it?! I mean where do I fucking start?! There's no stylobate! There's not one cunt hair of entasis in the columns! I mean it's a complete and utter clusterfuck! Where did you find these guys?? In the Neolithic Era!!" —DAG
"Hey Robin Hood, check out this fucking sweet blacklight poster." — t.a.m.s.y.
"I am haunted by the facades of my victims." — JohnnyB
Comments
"I designed a forum and these fuckers are building a stonehenge"
Posted by: Richard H | February 16, 2009 10:38 AM
"This is fucked up."
"Last time I hire my brother-in-law the contractor."
"I wish I had a larger, flat surface to roll out these plans on."
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 16, 2009 10:40 AM
"Wait...I think these plans are wrong."
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 16, 2009 10:41 AM
As long as the power lines are down, we'll never get this shit right.
Posted by: Mr Parallel | February 16, 2009 10:41 AM
"You still think the $787 billion would be best spent fixing existing infrastructure instead of unnecessary new projects?"
Posted by: Richard H | February 16, 2009 10:42 AM
"What's the difference between 'work' and a a 'job'? Ask Stephanopoulos, I'm building and Acropolis."
Posted by: Richard H | February 16, 2009 10:47 AM
sans typos:
"What's the difference between 'work' and a 'job'? Ask Stephanopoulos, I'm building an Acropolis."
Posted by: Richard H | February 16, 2009 10:48 AM
"So, eminent domain allows us to tear down this ugly old house and replace it with a brand spankin’ new highway overpass.”
Posted by: Rob | February 16, 2009 10:49 AM
"You were right. Wearing a skirt made it a whole lot easier to get that construction loan."
Posted by: Richard H | February 16, 2009 10:51 AM
"You can have your fucking Parthenon. How often does one get to witness the rolling stones?"
Posted by: Rob | February 16, 2009 10:55 AM
"By the way, I slept with your wife."
Posted by: Matt | February 16, 2009 10:58 AM
"It was supposed to be Caesars Palace, the ritziest joint on The Strip. One Bob Stupak phone call later, and we get this shit."
Posted by: Damon | February 16, 2009 11:05 AM
"They didn't follow the plan again. Standard procedure: you and I hide behind a stone pillar. Then, when all the workers are in front of it, we push it over, and crush them. And don't yell out `Jenga!' this time."
Posted by: Damon | February 16, 2009 11:16 AM
"What's the matter with it?! I mean where do I fucking start?! There's no stylobate! There's not one cunt hair of entasis in the columns! I mean it's a complete and utter clusterfuck! Where did you find these guys?? In the Neolithic Era!!"
Posted by: DAG | February 16, 2009 11:20 AM
Plan B, I'm banking on insurance claims.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:25 AM
A shame are loan didn't go through.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:26 AM
A shame, our loan didn't go through.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:26 AM
“It was a beauty all right, but the new design makes it harder for planes to fly into it.”
Posted by: Rob | February 16, 2009 11:28 AM
Things were much easier when classical physics were in play.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:28 AM
You're the one that claimed LSD would enhance productivity!
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:29 AM
Bitch left me!
Posted by: Bryan | February 16, 2009 11:30 AM
Once we use our superior Renaissance knowledge of ancient Greek architecture to convince these stone age natives to worship us as gods, we can deal with the dinosaurs and the Sleestacks.
Posted by: Walt | February 16, 2009 11:31 AM
Turns out the land was so cheap because we're building on f***ing sand!
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:34 AM
Sure it was magnificent, before Gehry got involved!
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:34 AM
Yeah, yeah, yeah... who would've known they'd find out about Blagojevich?
Posted by: Bryan | February 16, 2009 11:36 AM
[Shrug]...That's what happens when you put a Democrat in the White House.
Posted by: Bryan | February 16, 2009 11:37 AM
Last time I hired laid-off white collar workers!
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:38 AM
Last time I hire laid-off white collar workers.
Posted by: Bryan | February 16, 2009 11:40 AM
"We had to cut costs, so we hired retarded workers from Olympia - though they prefer to be called 'Special Olympians.'"
Posted by: Damon | February 16, 2009 11:44 AM
Maybe Rome wasn't built in a day, but will be done with this motherf***** by lunch-time.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:44 AM
Maybe Rome wasn't built in a day but we'll be done with this mother f***** by lunchtime.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:44 AM
I bought the plans at TJ Maxx--same place I got these shorts. Why?
Posted by: LK | February 16, 2009 11:46 AM
Who' brilliant idea was it to build an "Ice Castle" in Carthage for Jupiter's sake!
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:47 AM
"Aw crapolis!"
Posted by: Zorba | February 16, 2009 11:48 AM
No wonder they're hanging the last architect on the site.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:49 AM
Those pine coffins really buckle in this humidity, don't they?
Posted by: Bryan W | February 16, 2009 11:50 AM
"I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf."
Posted by: David | February 16, 2009 11:53 AM
You try telling our 10 year-old emperor that he can't be build a forum out of gelato.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:54 AM
We'll have some christian slaves come down and fix this shit later.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 11:56 AM
I'm suing D.I.Y.
Posted by: Bryan | February 16, 2009 11:58 AM
"You go adornments with the quarry you have."
Posted by: Sam L. | February 16, 2009 12:02 PM
What, share these plans with those fools?
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 12:03 PM
Maybe things'll look better when we're not stoned out of our minds.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 12:06 PM
To whit... I said let's get "high", not let's get "stoned" [to death as in ancient times].
Posted by: Bryan | February 16, 2009 12:09 PM
10,000 aureans for art school and this is the shit you draw! Looks nothing like this Druid place of worship we just conquered. Now what am I going to send back to Rome. I'll never get a Triumph.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 12:17 PM
The execution is a little post-classical for my tastes.
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 12:18 PM
This was a sketch taken before the earthquake...
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 12:19 PM
"In the corner, Sixtus ! Duh ! It's a good thing we had blacks there to lead thus !"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 16, 2009 12:20 PM
Should I take this to mean that Zeus found out about your and Hera's "discrete", little fling?
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 12:20 PM
And you're just getting to sharing your revisions with me NOW!
Posted by: Bryan W. | February 16, 2009 12:25 PM
"The hurrahs here are obscene."
Posted by: Sam L. | February 16, 2009 12:40 PM
"It's like rain on your wedding day. It's a free ride when you've already paid. It's the good advice that you just didn't take. It's like using slave labor to build the Lincoln Memorial. And who would've thought? It figures."
Posted by: Damon | February 16, 2009 12:54 PM
"It's Greek to me."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 16, 2009 12:59 PM
"What the hell's this...'One from column A, two from column B'?"
Posted by: Tim H | February 16, 2009 1:01 PM
"Quo vadimus in erratum ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 16, 2009 1:04 PM
"I am haunted by the facades of my victims."
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 16, 2009 1:09 PM
"I ask for 'master building' and you give me 'Beware of Celts daring lifts' ?!"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 16, 2009 1:20 PM
"Hi, I'm from the distant future. You pre-historic Britons may be on the cutting edge of stone construction now, but check out this Parthenon that the Greeks will build in 2000 years! But there's a twist: In 4000 years a lot of the Parthenon will end up at a museum about 90 miles from here. Now that I've blown your mind I shall return to my own time. [He disappears]"
Posted by: John Tabin | February 16, 2009 1:21 PM
"I'll tell you how we spin it with the client. Tell Dubya every ex-President gets the library he deserves."
Posted by: Vox Populi | February 16, 2009 1:25 PM
"Hey Robin Hood, check out this fucking sweet blacklight poster."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 16, 2009 1:26 PM
"This is not a very reassuring start."
Posted by: mort drucker | February 16, 2009 1:49 PM
"When in Rome, heave as the Romans do; whenever elsewhere, heave as they do there."
Posted by: St. Ambrose | February 16, 2009 2:02 PM
"These non-union troglodyte types seem pretty relaxed about working to spec."
Posted by: mort drucker | February 16, 2009 2:08 PM
“Ok, which one of us tells them they’re building it upside down?”
Posted by: Rob | February 16, 2009 2:19 PM
'This documentary on the making of the Forum is rapidly turning into a mock-umentary!"
"When they finish we'll tear up this blueprint and draw a new one based on whatever they build. The Emperor will not see the deception. 'Heckuva job' he'll say."
Posted by: mort drucker | February 16, 2009 2:23 PM
"My knee length elastic socks give more support than these tottering columns!"
Posted by: mort drucker | February 16, 2009 2:26 PM
"You can lead a Norse to sort 'em, but you can't make him link."
Posted by: J. Caesar | February 16, 2009 2:28 PM
"The bowers here are Aegean."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 16, 2009 2:39 PM
I can't wait to make a motivational poster of this unrelated drawing on mobuck.com and then hang it up on my crudely built slanted office wall.
Whoops, sans spam:
I can't wait to hang this unrelated drawing up on my slanted office wall.
Posted by: Mo Buck | February 16, 2009 2:44 PM
"Who's constructing this, Bill Dung? Get it? Building? Bill Ding? Bill Dung? Hey, you're great. I'm here every Thursday. Try the veal, it's delicious."
Posted by: Stan Dupp | February 16, 2009 2:45 PM
"Yes, everything appears to be in order. The Greeks will begin construction as soon as they receive these blueprints, so please express them via DSL."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 16, 2009 2:45 PM
-This is the Last time I believe in a brochure.
- I Hope they weren't lying about the swimming pool.
Posted by: Pedro Silveira | February 16, 2009 2:50 PM
"After we finish fucking this up, let's get to work on colonization."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 16, 2009 2:57 PM
"Sure, son, you're a regular Bob Ross. Now please go away, I'm trying to build Stonehenge."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 16, 2009 2:59 PM
" 'Wogs start at Salisbury'. Who knew ?!"
Posted by: Von Go | February 16, 2009 3:16 PM
"Underground power lines? NOW you're telling me?"
Posted by: Joshua | February 16, 2009 3:37 PM
"This is what happens when you don't put up the 'No Celts Need Apply' sign."
"No matter what I do I'll never be as good as my brother the serial rapist."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 16, 2009 3:44 PM
"Whatsamadda you face?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 16, 2009 3:45 PM
"I like Twinkies and Ice Cream Sandwiches as much as the next guy but this is ridiculous!"... "Yeah, well I hear this is going to be a tribute to Michael Phelps."
Posted by: xjv | February 16, 2009 4:38 PM
"Would you stop peering over my shoulder? I hate it when people do that..."
Posted by: Dustin | February 16, 2009 5:29 PM
"This is simply unacceptable. I suggest we offer the workers greater training and oversight. If that doesn't work, reassess the amount of rest and sustenance you're providing them. After two weeks of that, if there's still no improvement, force them to watch while we murder their wives."
"More like Parthe-NOT! Oh, SNAP!"
"I understand your skepticism, but you wanted a building that will last the ages. I promise you, it will look exactly like this after a century of erosion."
"That's not the worst part. The contractor who delivered the Lincoln statue gave him payis."
"Yeah, I guess at this rate it'll turn out tp be more of an 'againstum.' Heh heh."
Posted by: Trout Almondine | February 16, 2009 5:35 PM
"Here's the original auction photo. And look at what I ended up with. Et tu, eBay?"
Posted by: Damon | February 16, 2009 5:35 PM
"It's been DONE ALREADY..."
"...I mean, what kind of blueprints are these anyways? You can only see one angle!"
Posted by: Dustin | February 16, 2009 5:44 PM
"Who gives a shit!?"
Posted by: Dustin | February 16, 2009 5:48 PM
"Heckuva job,Brownie!"
Posted by: Dave | February 16, 2009 5:55 PM
"The 'worsts' here are Augean, by Jove !"
Posted by: Von Go | February 16, 2009 5:57 PM
"No, this definitely isn't it. Let's move on."
Posted by: Rubrick | February 16, 2009 6:18 PM
But the guys at IKEA said that the "Stenkarna" was easy to assemble...
Posted by: simsburybear | February 16, 2009 6:40 PM
"Stop your kvetching, Phidias, it's bound to future classic."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 16, 2009 7:01 PM
"Stop your kvetching, Phidias, it's bound to be a future classic."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 16, 2009 7:02 PM
"I hate Druids more than blacks."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 16, 2009 7:16 PM
"Nice hoodie."
Posted by: J.D. | February 16, 2009 7:18 PM
"I hate the Druids more than I hate the blacks, who would have never made it into this New Yorker cartoon."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 16, 2009 7:19 PM
"How can a house of worship built by virtual slave labor possibly fulfill its purpose: to bring a congregation closer to divine grace?"
Posted by: J.D. | February 16, 2009 7:23 PM
"Let me guess - they're from Habitat for Humanity?"
Posted by: Deborah | February 16, 2009 7:24 PM
"Try as we might, we cannot achieve the craftsmenship the Greeks manage with ease. I guess that's because they are all homosexual."
Posted by: J.D. | February 16, 2009 7:30 PM
Stone Temple Pilots Back In Simulator for New Session
I'm having erectile dysfunction..."
Posted by: Pie Thagorass | February 16, 2009 7:35 PM
"I knew I should've stuck to being a NEWSPAPER columnist.
Posted by: Dave | February 16, 2009 7:52 PM
"Pre-Apocalypse, this was 14th Street and that was Balducci's."
Posted by: J.D. | February 16, 2009 10:14 PM
Where the hell did the telephone pole come fr... oh, geez. It seems I've soiled myself.
Posted by: Harry Feek | February 16, 2009 11:31 PM
"Sure I'm the one who pushed for slave labor to cut costs, but I didn't say that we should use retarded slaves."
Posted by: Dave | February 16, 2009 11:33 PM
"Fuckin' dumbass picture! [whacks the corner] You think you're so fucking smart, just sitting there, mocking me. I KNOW it doesn't look anything you, OK, I KNOW already!"
"Aw, shit, Fred, remember how I was kind of scrunching up the plans when I showed them what to build? I should have laid it flat, like this. Too late now, though."
Posted by: Vance | February 17, 2009 12:37 AM
"I ask you again, Cacopus, where in these plans does it say we have to dress like cheerleaders?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 17, 2009 4:50 AM
"Hey, Blueprints, how's it going? How's ya mudda?""
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 17, 2009 4:53 AM
"Well, I'll be danged! I had the durn plans upside down!"
"Well... we can always redraw the plans to match what we built!?!"
"Socrates?! I always pronounced his name,' So-Crates'"
Posted by: Johnny V | February 17, 2009 7:52 AM
"I'm telling you, this gift shop next to the crucifixion site will be a gold mine."
"I've found the key to getting the Jewish slaves to work quickly with no coercion- have them build banks!"
"Let's check the security photo of this demolition jobsite and find out which idiot crane operator dropped the lintel on my head."
Posted by: LV | February 17, 2009 8:27 AM
"No problem. We just make the fuckroom in the back a fuckroom in the front."
Posted by: J.D. | February 17, 2009 8:31 AM
"I know there's something wrong here, but I can't concentrate right now because I seem to be standing on the word 'Harris.'"
Posted by: David Dickerson | February 17, 2009 10:23 AM
"Quit smelling my hair, faggot."
Posted by: D.K. | February 17, 2009 11:58 AM
"I see what you mean."
Posted by: Von Go | February 17, 2009 12:03 PM
"I'm just glad there are no black people here to see this."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | February 17, 2009 12:55 PM
"I'd make a joke about the collapse of the housing market, but it's not like I have a fucking crystal ball here or anything."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | February 17, 2009 12:57 PM
"He's got Italian granite countertops? My whole fucking house is Italian granite!"
Posted by: Mr Know It All | February 17, 2009 12:58 PM
"Funny, our foreman, Pedophilius, was supposed to be overseeing this, but he and your son disappeared at least an hour ago."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | February 17, 2009 1:00 PM
"Clan's schist should exceed its rasp or what is heathen for ?"
Posted by: Von Go | February 17, 2009 1:07 PM
"These plans are crap for making a building. Send this over to Treasury and they can put it on the back of pennies."
Posted by: LV | February 17, 2009 1:43 PM
"I'm gettin' too old for this shit."
"When the aliens built the Parthenon they made it look way easy."
"We are clearly renaissance men, so please tell me, Why the fuck are we building ancient Greek? What next? Wear a toga and sodomize young boys?"
Posted by: MAtt | February 17, 2009 1:56 PM
How clever! Waste water from the emperor's suite flows directly into water supply for the mother-in-law's quarters!
Posted by: Weller | February 17, 2009 1:57 PM
"I suppose you imagine your capricious rendering of my meticulous drawing is justified by prancing around in a fancy cape?"
Posted by: mort drucker | February 17, 2009 3:32 PM
-Fortune between the two rival city-states was intermittent during the Peloponnesian Wars. In the sketch above only recently excavated at an ancient site, we see how, during a period of Attic ascendancy, a contingent of captive Spartan helots under the close supervision of its Athenian overlords, was yet able to thwart the purposes of those who would enslave them. -
Posted by: Von Go | February 17, 2009 3:35 PM
"Your victory on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' was impressive. So impressive, in fact, that I put you in charge of this major building project, a field in which you have absolutely no experience. This is a disgrace. You're fired."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 17, 2009 3:58 PM
Hey! Those little naked midgets are taking apart that building!
Posted by: Jimby | February 17, 2009 4:13 PM
Oh it's easy! Just squint your eyes, move your arm in a chopping motion like this, and say "Heh-ro, pressure to meet you!" and-- Boom-- you're a Chinese fighting robot!
Posted by: Jimby | February 17, 2009 4:20 PM
This heinous error shall go down in prehistory!!!
Posted by: skibum | February 17, 2009 4:38 PM
"The Norse are full of fatuous intensity. The rest wrack all erection."
Posted by: W.B.Y. | February 17, 2009 4:42 PM
When you said we could hire the little people I thought you meant like magical beings, the good neighbors, the fair folks, y'know?
Posted by: corin | February 17, 2009 4:48 PM
Yeah, we'll get back to building just as soon as we hang that asshole who fucked my wife.
Posted by: mrmoonpie | February 17, 2009 5:02 PM
"Εμείς πρέπει να πάμε πιο σκλάβοι."
Posted by: GB | February 17, 2009 7:27 PM
Even though I project square-I get around.
Circle gets the square.
This is circumspect.
They just don't get "modern rectilinear."
Posted by: ksiersx | February 17, 2009 8:26 PM
If they build it, I will come!
Freemasons! You get what you pay for!
It's all Greek to me!
That's not how I Druid!
Posted by: No Shirt or Shoes-Came in my Pants | February 17, 2009 8:30 PM
(muffled)"Oil can!"
Posted by: T. Inman | February 17, 2009 8:34 PM
That's not to Hammurabi Code.
We look Renaissance. The picture is Doric. The building is Megalithic. We're on "Lost" right?
The lack of execution stops right now!
Posted by: Chinese Fire Drill | February 17, 2009 8:40 PM
Jesus fucking Christ
Posted by: D | February 17, 2009 8:43 PM
Lord Elgin, they've lost their marbles!
They have a pediment impediment.
Holy cryogenics Robin! Mr. Frieze has done an evil deed!
Posted by: British Museum Cure Ate Her | February 17, 2009 8:44 PM
That was me. Sorry.
Posted by: Pete | February 17, 2009 8:48 PM
Architecture is the triumph of human imagination over materials, methods, and men, to put man into possession of his own earth, but this is somehow better.
Posted by: D | February 17, 2009 8:50 PM
We've got to get this place finished! The Oracle predicts fantastic musicians will be in Athens future. REM, B52s!!!
I'm a columnist- I'm opinionated!
Posted by: Michael Stipend | February 17, 2009 8:54 PM
"Our descendants will be restaurateurs."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 17, 2009 9:02 PM
I shall capture my quarry.
Robbie-I think my best laid plans are goin agley!
They never get your order right at these Chariot Roll Through Windows.
Posted by: Mickey Howard Roark | February 17, 2009 9:08 PM
"Parthenon..Pantheon...Hell, even I make that mistake. But Parthenon...STONEHENGE??! What are they, fucking retarded?"
Posted by: Steve_O | February 17, 2009 9:09 PM
I'll hit em with the final punch list.
It's going to be in Arkitectural Digest!
Greece is the word! Travoltus
Posted by: Perry Mason Concrete Works | February 17, 2009 9:12 PM
They put Jimmy Hoffalos under the first stone.
If one of the slaves gets crushed by the stones, we'll make lintel soup!
I'm depressed. Get me some monolithium.
Posted by: Ray Crocs Golden Fallen Arches | February 17, 2009 9:21 PM
We're wearing skirts and having erection problems.
I told the priests to issue a change order and go down rev.
We're about to come Unhenged!
Posted by: Near Lee Kiltmee | February 17, 2009 9:27 PM
Your body is my temple, Smartacass.
This is a classic rock station.
They're moving everything around for Daylight Savings.
Posted by: Kirk Douglas Cocks | February 17, 2009 9:38 PM
I didn't order Salisbury plain!
You're going to be working under me from now on!
We need more copies, Xeroxes!
You Don't Always Get What You Want-Stones
Posted by: Memorable Internal Intern Memo | February 17, 2009 9:53 PM
A funny thing happened on the way to the Parthenon.
What do you expect hiring Stoners!
Looks like we'll be doing a teardown.
This Historic Preservation crap has got to go!
Posted by: Mary J Obliged | February 17, 2009 9:59 PM
If you're admiring my finely chiseled features, I have a goatskin condom.
Troglodytes.
When I was small, I had a limestone erector set...
Posted by: Temple of Diana Ross | February 17, 2009 10:09 PM
If you want something done right, you must do it yourself, Master Batus!
If you're admiring my gravelly voice, I'll let you fraternize with my Greek associates.
Posted by: Rush Week Limbaugh | February 17, 2009 10:16 PM
They've got their rocks off.
Posted by: Renaissance Man Perspective | February 17, 2009 10:17 PM
"Really? It's doesn't match these plans? Where?"
Posted by: Rob | February 17, 2009 10:24 PM
So they laughed at my rendering! I'll cook the slaves and make candles from their tallow!
Posted by: Bobacus the Builder | February 17, 2009 10:26 PM
It
Posted by: Rob | February 17, 2009 10:26 PM
"Rainy - Weedy -- Weenie !"
Posted by: J. Caesar | February 17, 2009 10:54 PM
"Yes, yes, I understand, 'flea market', ' just like a mini-mall', but how will...no, not that damn song again."
Posted by: savid152 | February 18, 2009 1:17 AM
"Thousands of years from now your draft will be the most accurate use of perspective in a New Yorker cartoon ever."
Posted by: Brian L | February 18, 2009 1:20 AM
"Well, it's always really been about keeping the jews busy."
Posted by: al in la | February 18, 2009 3:48 AM
"Pretty, pretty picture. Now I'll look at the building. What the...! I gotta sit down. I can't... there's no chair. Now that would be funny!"
Posted by: Vin Yolla | February 18, 2009 8:33 AM
"I told you we should have used Italians."
Posted by: David | February 18, 2009 8:35 AM
Why pay an architect when a thousand years from now tourists will pay to see any near random array of giant rocks.
Posted by: boneguy | February 18, 2009 10:33 AM
"The study of history, my friend, proves that a civilization of advanced technique and accomplishment may re-emerge again after an era of bestial ignorance, blunder, and darkness. By the same token, the diligence, the undeniable robustness and enthusiasm of this native stock here in America must sooner or later restore to its shores...."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | February 18, 2009 11:09 AM
"Yes, yes, melikes thy Thought, Horatio ! Have done with barbarous Incursion and...and Harrisments, already ! Enough, I say !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | February 18, 2009 12:36 PM
I told you dressing in drag wasn't going to help anything.
Posted by: Ronnie the Fondler | February 18, 2009 1:44 PM
No, the the f*#ing ikea manual doesn't have a section in ancient Latin!
Posted by: Porcupines@University | February 18, 2009 4:28 PM
"Look, I think I've found the problem: 'Architect: Art Vandelay' "
Posted by: Tim H | February 18, 2009 4:57 PM
"Why do we use ropes to anchor the blocks until they're set? The squashed-flat area on the top of my head doesn't give you a clue?"
Posted by: Vlad | February 18, 2009 4:59 PM
"To make a long story short, I fell behind in my mortgage payments, and then one day the bank sent over these repo men."
Posted by: Vlad | February 18, 2009 5:08 PM
"I'm glad to hear that. To be honest, a lot of people just kind of tune out when I start talking about my collection of miniature tableaux."
Posted by: Vlad | February 18, 2009 5:12 PM
"Just one thing after another - it's starting to feel like this project will never be done. Last time I use Xeno Construction, that's for sure."
Posted by: Vlad | February 18, 2009 5:28 PM
"Man, this a time, the Mard. ..wait, check this out, freakin' float design here ?! Whoa ! The New Orleans Mardi Gras ! Ain't this the day ?!"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | February 18, 2009 5:42 PM
It looked ok in AutoCAD.
He looked longingly at the recessed cavities, the long hard columns, and couldn't wait to fill those Spartan interiors.
Posted by: E Pheminot Dekorator | February 18, 2009 5:56 PM
If you look behind us you'll see the Palace at Versaiiles and through it's windows, the Empire State building. Heraclitean flux baby!
Posted by: Angel at the Helm of Western Thought | February 18, 2009 6:00 PM
No matter how much we would like to skirt the issue, there is a drafting problem. Tis an ill wind which blows no man good.
Posted by: Shake your spear at me | February 18, 2009 6:04 PM
Ionic -not Ironic!
Is that Corinthian leather underwear your wearing Montalbanus? Let's visit the back seat of the Cordovan chariot!
The Delorean will be here shortly, McFly!
Posted by: Michaelus Jayredd Foxx | February 18, 2009 6:11 PM
"We can put a man on the moon, but we... wait."
Posted by: Cpt. Clown | February 18, 2009 6:18 PM
"I'm quite aware that socks won't be invented for thousands of years, but your cape isn't exactly kosher either."
Posted by: A. Clwn | February 18, 2009 6:21 PM
It takes a true student of Prochronistic architecture to appreciate the work of the anarcho-syndicalist commune, E. John Cleeseastes!
Derrick, Who set up that crane? The wet sprocket is insufficiently toaded for the load angle!
Posted by: Quid Pro Chrono | February 18, 2009 6:25 PM
"If we build too many glory hole stalls we'll have to hire extra mop-up guys."
Posted by: LV | February 18, 2009 6:30 PM
The technology here is rampant. I hope you understand the gravity of the situation. You'll be my serving winch!
Posted by: Lewis Irons | February 18, 2009 6:35 PM
"Doofus ! Of course an actual living structure will seem smaller and more negligible to you from up here on top this cliff, at the height of some 30 cubits, and a distance of some 200 cubits, than an preliminary 'elevation', rendered as it was at the ground level at a distance of no more than 150 cubits, has no doubt led you to conceive !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | February 18, 2009 6:43 PM
Tell the man on the Elmer Gantry crane to bring in the sheaves.
Someday someone will invent the Electric Slide and these buildings will go up much more quickly!
Posted by: Cum Rejoicing | February 18, 2009 6:50 PM
Δεν καταλαβαίνω ποτέ τα κινούμενα σχέδια της Νέας Υόρκης.
Alas Poor Doric!
It's a battle between the Archaic and the arcane.
Πού είναι το Κοννέκτικατ Αμερικανός;
Posted by: Got Moore Slaves | February 18, 2009 7:03 PM
La giunzione di congiunzione, che cosa è la vostra funzione?
Capitol idea! Call me on your cellular homophone.
Posted by: Old School House Rocks | February 18, 2009 7:13 PM
I don't know. How many Druids does it take to screw in an oil lamp?
Ten slaves walk into a club...
After they finish this, it's off to Boston for the Big Dig project.
Posted by: B. Here Allweek | February 18, 2009 7:34 PM
Capt. Kirk-We stole that telegraph pole from the 1800s, some Druidic slaves from 5 BC,
Rocks from the Salisbury Plain, now let's build us a
House of Bluesprint!
Posted by: Dr. Spock Spankdababy | February 18, 2009 7:49 PM
It's the Chariot Mustang Ranch-too many cocks spoil the brothel.
All we need is some 3D glasses left over from half time at the Colloseum and it will look right.
These Visigoth slaves do not share our Gothic vision.
Posted by: Maximus | February 18, 2009 7:53 PM
"OK, I'll grant that it was hilarious when that guy got crushed, but as a whole, this large scale Jenga is a lot more trouble than it's worth."
Posted by: David | February 18, 2009 8:30 PM
"No, it is only that the new, pure, crystalline atmosphere which we enjoy now in partial compensation for the unexpected, long-lasting downturn of our worldwide economy makes it seem to you as though yonder construction site, with its 'midget' workmen as you call them, are near at hand, whereas in point of fact we behold them there at a middle distance of no less than 150 meters. No less, I say ! No, no, my friend, take it from me, not one of the men and women- yes, women, too - you see down there is any less powerful and muscle-bound than our, what, Alexey Rodrigd of old time, hunh ? Berry Bond, hunh ?...So let's show a little more respectfulness, O.K. ?... Alright ?"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | February 18, 2009 11:03 PM
"There's a reason why people are limited to five entries total. You aren't fooling anyone with the names. Do your five and then give it a rest."
Posted by: Joshua | February 19, 2009 1:49 AM
"The OSHA rules here are obsene."
Posted by: al in la | February 19, 2009 1:56 AM
"That's nice, but my schoolhouse rocks!"
Posted by: Brian L | February 19, 2009 1:57 AM
This is gonna make one dope looking Post Office
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | February 19, 2009 9:25 AM
"Who drew this neo-classical disaster??"
"This construction crew has me sweating to the point that my underwear is hiking up my skirt."
Posted by: MShaw | February 19, 2009 11:41 AM
You're just jealous.
Posted by: Orthello | February 19, 2009 12:20 PM
Christ, what a group of assholes.
Posted by: Tiako | February 19, 2009 12:20 PM
I could have ended it all with a Twinkie
Posted by: D | February 19, 2009 12:23 PM
"I'd ask the foreman what went wrong, but he's over there hanging himself."
"Of course the Olympic stadium will be completed on time....why do you ask?"
"Hmm...apparently gigantic sticks of butter aren't as effective a building material as we hoped..."
Posted by: Ed | February 19, 2009 1:33 PM
"Whew! What did you eat for dinner? Did a rat crawl up you and die? If you're sick, go to the hospital."
Posted by: Johnny C. | February 19, 2009 2:26 PM
"The problem is that the measurements are in feet, and every worker here has different sized feet. Thaddeus, get me a machete."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 19, 2009 2:39 PM
"I gotta take a wicked Pisa"
Posted by: Lee Ning | February 19, 2009 2:47 PM
After a bunch of hairy feminists pulled a multi-million dollar civil suit over some catcalling, the Union wanted to change the construction worker stereotype so now they make us wear these new Elizabethan uniforms.
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | February 19, 2009 2:59 PM
"It's a good thing there are no black people here to see this. . . . They're all down there."
Posted by: Bou | February 19, 2009 10:46 PM
"No, I am not bored by your vacation snaps, and yes, you picked a good one to enlarge, but I'm kind of busy here."
Posted by: Galoux | February 19, 2009 10:52 PM
You broke her face, nearly in half!
Posted by: D | February 19, 2009 10:59 PM
"I shoulda asked Dad for that erector set, way back when. Mom just slapped me and sent me to bed without dinner."
Posted by: Galoux | February 19, 2009 11:17 PM
"'Εμείς πρέπει να πάμε πιο σκλάβοι'? Huh? I think you've been out in the sun too long."
Posted by: Bou | February 19, 2009 11:34 PM
"Y'know, someday there will be laws against this kind of substandard construction. . . . I tell ya, these ARE the good old days!"
Posted by: Galoux | February 19, 2009 11:39 PM
"This IS a nice painting! We'll hang it on the wall if they build one."
Posted by: Steve_O | February 20, 2009 5:05 AM
"Guy walks into a tailor shop and asks, 'Eumenides?' Tailor replies, 'Why, Euripides?'"
Posted by: Doug | February 20, 2009 11:36 AM
"Damn! I knew I shoulda learned how to read."
Posted by: Tim H | February 20, 2009 12:39 PM
"So after donning our Renaissance Italian disguises, we step into the time machine -- and end up on Salisbury Plain, Britain, during the Stone Age! Obviously this is the work of that wily crosstime trickster, S. Harris. He left his usual calling card -- a picture of the Acropolis -- then scrawled his name in the dirt and left. He's taunting us."
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | February 20, 2009 12:41 PM
And this is the Starbuck's we'll build right across the street.
Posted by: stcoleridge | February 20, 2009 2:57 PM
"Good luck, Joshua, but you can blow that trumpet all day and nothin' ever comes tumblin' down."
Posted by: Vance | February 20, 2009 3:46 PM
"Well, we'll just call it 'Acropo-Henge' Estates"
Posted by: stcoleridge | February 20, 2009 4:32 PM
P S 29 had to be redesigned after the stimulus compromise. Do you like it?
Posted by: Tony Barringer | February 20, 2009 4:38 PM
My codpiece is bigger than your codpiece, Bitch, so I say it's fine as is!
Posted by: tonyb | February 20, 2009 4:47 PM
How the fuck do you think I'm doin' today, Frank? I'm standing here in a pool of my own urine, presiding over the biggest disaster in the history of ancient architecture, dressed like Danny Fucking Kaye. Fuck you, Frank...
Posted by: curt | February 20, 2009 10:38 PM
'Switch the Carrara marble for lo-fat Mozzerella,' you said, 'Who's gonna notice?' you said. Christ!
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 20, 2009 11:18 PM
We're 450 years away from the industrial revolution, Gianni, so stop blaming this on your online BFA.
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 20, 2009 11:20 PM
Frank Gehry should keep his goddam influence in his own goddam century, is all I'm saying.
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 20, 2009 11:29 PM
Play-Doh with re-bar is a no-go, make a note.
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 20, 2009 11:31 PM
The site foreman keeps ferrets in his pantaloons, which explains much.
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 20, 2009 11:32 PM
Where's the parking?
Posted by: DR | February 21, 2009 4:15 AM
"Tell him you get the presidential library you have, not the presidential library you want."
Posted by: Joshua | February 21, 2009 10:15 AM
Alabaster? Damn right he is!
Posted by: Dex | February 21, 2009 12:22 PM
Fucking druids!
Posted by: Vince | February 21, 2009 6:35 PM
"Worse case of E.D. I've ever seen."
Posted by: al in la | February 21, 2009 6:59 PM
"Nice going Fran Lloyd WRONG! No wonder you were released by Vanderleigh Industries."
Posted by: mort drucker | February 21, 2009 9:30 PM
"Nice going Frank Lloyd WRONG! No wonder you were released by Vanderleigh Industries."
ahem
Posted by: mort drucker | February 21, 2009 9:32 PM
"This is popping...now let me show you locking."
Posted by: Reru(i)n | February 22, 2009 9:50 AM
"This is like the 'Titanic' of Parthenons. Fucking Halliburton."
"Fucking Halliburton."
Posted by: MShaw | February 22, 2009 2:27 PM
"When I said, 'Build a bad Parthenon,' I meant 'bad' as in 'good!'"
Posted by: TK | February 22, 2009 4:00 PM
"I surely do think they're doing a terrible job...and don't call me Shirley."
Posted by: TK | February 22, 2009 5:04 PM
"It was a last minute change. The Oscar people didn't want the losers in flyover country to think we're out of touch with their petty little problems."
Posted by: al in la | February 22, 2009 6:19 PM
"Sure, they can bring me a digital photograph but they can't build a goddamn Ionic column!"
Posted by: Dave | February 22, 2009 10:07 PM
"In the future, those who love house cat circus acrobatics will be forever grateful to us for building this first ever in history house cat circus acrobatics training center."
Posted by: J.D. | February 24, 2009 9:57 PM
I'd say we have a pretty strong entry for this week's anti-architecture contest. But you never know what the judges are going to go for -- or when they'll get around to deciding.
Posted by: Walt | February 25, 2009 11:44 AM
Look at this. Obama made a surprise visit to the Apollo and the mulattoes went crazy. What's a mulatto? I don't know. I think it's a decadent yet light ice cream native to northern Italy. What's native? My wife's taco after a month without a bikini wax. (pause) What's that stain on the corner here? Has someone been jerking off on the blueprints?
Posted by: Big Baby Jesus | February 25, 2009 1:35 PM
I like to make words with my man-sandals. Today I wrote S (period)Harris. It's Latin for man-in-dress-with-no-panties-underneath. Wanna take an uspkirt shot with your stonephone?
Posted by: Big Baby Jesus | February 25, 2009 1:41 PM
Diocles took an upskirt shot and printed this out.I think the lost city of Atlantis is inside my vag.
Posted by: Big Baby Jesus | February 25, 2009 1:45 PM
It's the new Citibank headquarters
Posted by: Richard H | February 26, 2009 6:10 PM