RRbanner.jpg

February 2, 2009

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #180

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

Last week's results. •Rules and tips.

• This week's prize: Mr Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American Dream by Steven Watts. (Winner must post with valid e-mail address.)


090209_contest_p465.jpg

First place
"Thank god she was pregnant." —TG Gibbon

Second place
“What do you think she meant when she said, 'The water is only three feet deep and we can walk to shore - please let me go home, I miss my family?’”—Damon

Third place
"If this is your subconscious, the interpretation would be that: you’re helpless to steer the course of your life, you view women as void of any value save providing sustenance, and that you’ll forever be inferior to men with hair." —Weller

Honorable mention
"We already discussed this, Frank! You ate her eyeballs, so I get the pineapple."— Jared S.

"Fruit, grain, meat: If only she were lactating, this would have been a balanced diet."—Mike Mariano

"Don't kid yourself. If she ever got the chance, she'd eat you and everyone you care about!" — Jared

"My turn again already? OK. I never... killed and ate a fellow traveler." — Vlad

"Whoever wears the fruit-hat gets to speak!"—MAtt

"Somehow I thought a boat ride with Amy WInehouse would be more exciting." — Pat Broderick

"Well, Hope, I think it's safe to say this is the worst 'Road' movie yet."—gary

"In Soviet Russia, heads give fruit."— al in la

"No one is talking; they're either dead or eating." —Jimby

Posted by Daniel Radosh

Comments

Maybe we should head toward that giant nipple over there.

"Fruit, grain, meat: If only she were lactating, this would have been a balanced diet."

OK, you're right. They ARE plastic.

It's obviously some sort of Miranda warning, but I don't get the connection to being lost at sea.

Don't kid yourself. If she ever got the chance, she'd eat you and everyone you care about!

That was some miraculous landing, but we probably should have jumped on that Staten Island ferry when we had the chance.

"We should have eaten her flesh more slowly. I hate fruit."

“Yeah, I'm positive. Signal Flare Hat Girl had herpes.”

Stop calling her "Fruit Head." Her name was Chiquita.

Pulling the meat off her bones without removing the clothes was a neat trick. But we're going to have to peel the pineapple before we eat it.

How do you still have a gut like that after a month out here?

"Eat the fruit first"? Why didn't you suggest that before we killed and devoured your wife?

"If the merchant marines arrive and you are still performing fellatio on that banana we in for a long ride back to shore."

Soy un hombre tipo de teta - lo que puede digo...

"Whoever wears the fruit-hat gets to speak!"

“What do you think she meant when she said, `The water is only three feet deep and we can walk to shore - please let me go home, I miss my family?’”

“I always function best in a crisis. That pineapple is fucking mine.”

"So, you've got what now - fifth degree burns on top of your head?"

['Survivor: Adrift with the skeleton of Carmen Miranda'] "I'm forming a coalition with the skeleton of Carmen Miranda so we can vote you off the raft at the tribal council tonight."

"Fucker Sullenberger left us here in the Hudson. Why? Because we have a DEAD one on board! It would mess up his 'saved everybody' story."

"I'll let you fuck her if you let me eat her."

"Wait a couple more days, and those implants should come out with gentle tugging. Then we'll both have a stress ball."

"I thought banana republics had free shipping."

I love these lazy saturdays

“No, I said, ‘You paddle with your hands while I scream.’ Nobody’s getting a banana split.”

The good news: we won't get scurvy. The bad news: I've had scurvy, and it is delicious.

Somehow I thought a boat ride with Amy WInehouse would be more exciting.

"This plastic fruit is fucking terrible."

"I'll eat the fruit, you can have the fried egg floating above your head."

"I'm not accusing you of anything. All I'm saying is that she was alive when I went to sleep."

"You've got to be the fattest refugee ever. Look at how much room you're taking up!"

"Now tell me gays don't carry advantages."

"Damn it, we should have fucked her first!"

"I became my dad. You're becoming an inflatable raft."

"I've sort of lost track, but I think today is November 2nd. Why?"

"And to think I ever considered myself a vegan !"

"I gotta say it: Drew Peterson you have the worst luck!"

"We already discussed this, Frank! You ate her eyeballs, so I get the pineapple."

"Eat up now; she'll probably vanish the next time the island time-shifts."

"Well, Hope, I think it's safe to say this is the worst 'Road' movie yet."

"Eat up now; she'll probably vanish the next time the island time-shifts."

"Well, Hope, I think it's safe to say this is the worst 'Road' movie yet."

"This life raft is useless out here in the middle of the desert. Oh well, I guess we'll just have to continue sitting out in the sun, consuming our entire food supply. What say you, Bonesy? Oh, right! You're dead! Ha!"

"I'm not complaining but don't you think it's odd that she fully decomposed but the fruit is still fresh?"

"I should get the pineapple. I was mom's favorite."

"It's very good, but I still don't think it's relevant to do your George Raft impression right now."

"At first I thought it was obvious where that stink was coming from, but then I saw your feet..."

"The chow here is obscene."

"I think it goes: `Red sky at night, sailor's delight; say something agressively unfunny which doesn't directly reference the dead chick and her head grapes, but rather comments wryly on something the artist may have overlooked in the morning, sailors get Hefner bio.' But I may have it backwards."

"Frickin' no-no, man ! No way goddamn 'humerus' compares to a 'femur' for paddle ! Frickin' 'leg men'!...Jeez !"

Stop laughing at me. You think it was my idea to wear this fruity outfit? Times are tough, so the bosses thought that livening up the Styx boat ride might drum up a little more business.

"And I say what looks like a beach is just where he stopped drawing waves. You're free to go jump in the `sand', though. Charo and I will stay here in the Reality Boat."

"Still no sign of land. How long is it? ...your penis, I mean."

"Christ, Jerry, for the hundredth time, it's only you and me in this raft, OK? Why, who is it this time - Marilyn Monroe with a fireman's hat, or Jerry Garcia playing the glockenspeil?"

"Ya know, Phil, people have already noticed your unsightly paunch, but what about the size of your left thigh? I mean, your ass must be bigger than me and Skeletiranda put together!"

"Are you still dating that girl from Accounting?"

"Do you know the etymology of the word 'squick'?"

"Nothing like a whore's latitudes, hey, Jack ?"

"It's a good thing there are no 'clacks' here to be heard."

"You always get your money's worth on a Carnival Cruise."

"Anorexic...dehydrated ! That sudden bout of 'infancy reversion' was cruel, 'Nicholson'!"

I hear there's going to be a Lord & Taylor in that new galleria.

(Sings deliriously): "But don't Stop thinking about the marrow...better grade gone, better grade gone !"

"This apple has lice. Pubic lice."

"What say we hoist a main ? That 'bustier', few tenons...Necessary to disassemble a few 'long bones', of course."

"It's too bad there are no FLACKS here to see this... Think of the movie !"

"I can't believe how relaxed you look, given what a bizarre and disturbing situation we're in."

Man on the Right:
"Yes, well I'd rather be alive and comfortable with my baldness than dead and in denial"

"Don't fret sonny; we'll just drift to the Hudson River and wait for a plane to pick us up"

Man 1: "Would you like some of this magical fruit?"
Man 2: "No thanks, I already hallucin-ATE."

"It little profits that an island fling Midst this lil *mirth, athwart this barren hag..." *cartoon

We should have waited more than a few hours to eat her. If we get rescued tonight our 5 o'clock shadow is definitely going to be used against us. But goddamn was she annoying.

"Sacrebleu ! 'Le dejeuner sur l'herbe' ! Manet ! But of course, monsieur !"

"I didn't realize Central Park Lake was so big."

You're sure that keeping her legs warm won't make them rot faster?

"Well, that covers two of the things I want to do before I die. One, taste human flesh. And two, ride the flume ride at Six Flags."

"She's giving me a boner.

"That's really starting to freak me out. You too?"

"What skeleton? Seriously - there's no skeleton here."

"This fruit is delicious. The sun is shining, the sea is calm - what a perfect day."

"Of course you are hallucinating! That was a bar-bitch-you-ate!"

"Fruit? Why didn't you tell me she was wearing fruit! I wouldn't have killed her for food!"

"Dia De Muertas!"

Liver lover liver lover liver lover. Now you say it three times real fast.

At least I remembered to bring the Halloween decoration. You only remembered to bring your fat ass.

Who knew dead pirate whores with fruit hats could be so entertaining?

After we finish these apples, I say we throw it overboard before its bones start to rub together and make screechy noises like chalk scraping on a blackboard.

"I woulda killed her for that stupid fucking hat even if I WASN'T hungry."

"Tell her she has the right to remain silent. Miranda rights, get it? Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA....Oh Christ, I'm losing my mind."

"Donner. And what's your name?"

"Did I ever tell you about the time I was stranded in the Andes with a Brazilian soccer team?"

"I'm haunted by the face of our victim."

"Are you sure we're in the right place for the Burning Man Festival?"

"Now you've gone and upset her. The fruit is not waxy. The fruit is lush and nice."

"This fruit will probably save our lives."

"I think she's gained weight."

"Liferaft B-14 had Mayor Motherfucking McCheese!"

"No, no, we ate the pelvis Tuesday. Thursday was Fibia Day!"

"Gerald, I've been having an affair."

"She needs the goddam hat because she's COMPLETELY bald, you selfish prick."

So hoist up the john bs sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the captain ashore
Let me go home, let me go home
I wanna go home, let me go home
This is the worst trip Ive ever been on

"Au gratin would have been even better, but that's just the Wausau in me talkin', ha ha haaa."

"We're some 320 light years from Earth on an unnamed planet in orbit
around a star in the constellation of Orion ...
Stewart here is to be the new Eve. With our hot and eager help, of course ... Care for another apple?"

"We're some 320 light years from Earth, on an unnamed planet in orbit around a star in the constellation of Orion ... Stewart here is to be the new Eve -- with our hot and eager help, of course ... Care for another apple?"

"The horas here are obscene."

"Frankly, ever since the budget cuts, Captain Steubing, your Love Boat kinda sucks."

"Bone apetit!!!"

"In Soviet Russia, heads give fruit."

"Awesome, this is just like Waterworld, fuckin awesome"

At least we used our sleeves to make her a shirt.

Dude, what happened to her legs?

Your head's getting burnt.

So she didn't like fruit, the irony

"'Let's go on a cruise'! you said. 'It's really cheap!' you said. 'All-you-can-eat buffet!' you said. I have to hand it to you, Stan, it's actually not bad for the price."

"We're on a crash diet--get it? HA HA HA...she gives good head....HA HA HAAAA...fruit of the doom, baby! HA HA HA HA HA.......where do I come up with these?"

"It's people! Your daughter is made of people!"

"Well, to me _you_ look like a giant roast chicken."

"Thank god she was pregnant."

"Oh no, I'd never eat you, Steve. She was my wife but you, you're some random dude from Wisconsin who happened to be on the same flight. That's like a sacred bond."

"Boy, Tullulah was a lot better than Hume or Canada, don't you think? You know, hearing that I bet a lot of people would think we were in the 1944 Hitchcock film 'Lifeboat' but we're actually in the future eating the grown children of hipsters who foolishly sent their obnoxious children to our unaccredited fat camp."

Sorry man, all those years I thought you were a compulsive over-eater, but since we've been stuck on this raft for 11 days, you've managed to gain 15 pounds on orange seeds and lemon peels. I guess you really do have a thyroid problem.

"MRSA? MRSA...no, never heard of it. Here, let me Google it."

"I'm sure glad we ate the only black person here to see this."

"I think the lifeguard's trying to signal us. Maybe we've gone too far from shore?"

"We're always drifting to the port side and running aground. Move your stinky feet so I can slide across and sit on the other side of Mary Kate."

"OK, Bob. You know, when this is all over, if we make it out alive, it's clear we'll have her to thank: for her fresh fruit hat, unflagging optimism and huge supply of raft-size super maxipads."

This is the last bottomless club buffet I ever visit.

She said she no body to go with her on the cruise.

After the heart attack on Durante's show, Carmen really took a cruise ship job

Top half of the morning to you!

Do you hear Elvis Costello?
"All for a song and dance and an edible hat"

She said we'd have to eat her down there before we could do anything more.

Her sleeve ruffles have ridges. Let's roll our Rs.

Carmen didn't have the stomach for white water rafting, so she opted for the blue water trip.

Eating Brazilian food always gives me gas.

"Fuggin' John Steinbeck. He wrote us into this scenario, and he can damn well write us out of it."

- The sores[saltwater]here are unseen. -

Dr. Lecter and Jeff Dahmer take an Olsen twin out for dinner.

You said you'd get to the bottom of this.

What's eating her?

We've been Mirandized.

It's the Areola Borealis!

Dahmer! Party of 3!

Come bring me your softness
Comfort me through all this madness
Come give me your sweetness
She was half, not whole
In step with none...

"Dunno, Harvey. The 'Guinness record for shortest range, maritime, mobile-phone conversations between posthumous speakers' strikes me as unsatisfactorily 'niche'."

I'm waiting for the sun to go down.

We cannibals usually don't eat the garnish.

Leftovers again!

"Really? I'm gay too. You couldn't have mentioned that two months ago?"

Carmen Miranda's abusive ex-husband credits trophy wife's mount for survival after shipwreck.

Cannibalism is my Commerce!

She needed a little bit of mint jelly...

"Giving new meaning to 'stiff boat', hunh ?"

It was a great idea to preserve her flesh inside this hollowed out hand fruit.

"Hell no I'm not going to socket fuck that thing...we don't even know where it's been!"

"If it wasn't for the fruit I'd be totally constipated after all that raw meat."

"A thousand thanks. Whew, I thought we were groane.. er, 'goners'........What?"

"Good thing those guys in the other life raft were thinking with their little heads when we divvied her up."

"I'm starting to appreciate the European custom of having a fuit course after dinner."

" 'They're writing songs of love, but noth er, not for me ! - A yolky star's above, but not for me ! - I am a 'tool', becalmed at sea this way ! - Heigh ho, alas, and lack-a-say. - Although I can't dismiss the memory of her kiss, I guess she's noth er, not for me. - It all began so well, but what an end ! This is the time a wid'wer needs a friend.....' "

"This new Disney ride "Exhumed Movie Stars in a Giant Model of the Stomach" is really cool."

" 'I WOULD go down 'fore a tease again, for a flagrant gypsy-wife ! To a moll's way (the old sashay!), where the bed's like a vetted grief !'....Well, live and learn."

"To be honest, I thought they said this was going to be a CANNABIS cruise."

Man, who thought dropping acid in the kiddie pool would be so awesome.

"I thought you said Electra."

"No, it's actually a 'transitional' found-object piece. I'm a disciple of Arcimboldo, you see. So the whole thing is in for rather a makeover !"

Well, Vern, it looks like we've picked this corpse about as clean as The Guy Who Thinks We Can't Tell He's Posted 25 Captions Under Different Names But The Same Cretinous Punctuation Idiosyncracies has with this cartoon."

" 'Wake of the Dead Bitch', you see that one ?"

" 'Comparative Literature'. Lot of good it did me."

"Seasickness my ass. I tell ya it was bulimia."

"...and as I'm sure you can tell, the skeleton-in-a-dress represents feminist criticism of the surrealist movement as a whole."

"My turn again already? OK. I never... killed and ate a fellow traveler."

"If that's how you feel, then I'm taking my corpse and going home."

"Give it up. This is one staring contest you just can't win."

"Yep, worms in this one, too. How does this keep happening?"

'Mr. Playboys', fat's chance now !

"Does my 'esprit d'escalier' annoy you ?"

"You know, Mel, it's funny. Her pussy stank more in life."

"She said (chomp, chomp), I know what it's (chomp) like to be dead. (chomp) I said, who put all those (chomp) things on your head."

"You're right, it is Michael Jackson! What the hell happened to his nose?"

"Here's a clue--why do vultures suddenly appear every time she is near?"

"I strongly suggest you put some sunscreen on that melon of yours or you're going to end up like our friend Carmen Miranda over here."

"I strongly suggest you put some sunscreen on that melon of yours or you're going to end up like our friend Carmen Miranda over here."

"Fruit!"

"Remind me why we saved Mrs. Howell for last."

"One more margarita and I say we head back to shore."

"So this is a parable about how our rape and pillage of the tropics is connected to the impending melting ice cap disaster?"

"Carmen Miranda died in 1953, the same year Playboy was first published. Coincidence? Probably."

This'd be a lot funnier if something was improbably outsized in scale. I'm Mormon and you're Jewish, a good life raft premise, but it's not obvious enough.

" 22'-19'-23', I'm guessing. Taking that last on faith."

"Bob, quit your worrying. It's like our own 'Weekend at Bernie's!'"

"This could be a hell of a lot funnier if you'd pull your outsized droopy boobs out."

"OK Reggie, the 'banana as microphone Carmen Miranda shtick' is officially old. Not to mention that for an aging drag queen, you sing surprisingly off key."

"The line between blasphemy and tribute is sometimes blurred. In this case, not so much."

"Ironic that the first mate responsible for the ship going down was himself a drag queen known for 'going down', but also beloved by all for his exquisite fruit hats and scintillating table talk."

Who farted?

"The oars here are unseen."

[Nod to N.O. it all !]

When you said you got so bored on that island you were boning fruit I pictured something else.

"Shut up with 'The Name Game' already!"

"Just our luck, Carmen Miranda in a lifeboat."

"Dem bones dem bones dem - DRY bones --"

"You be Huck and I'll be Jim."

"Do you know, I don't think the Watsons will be joining us after all."

"I had bet her $20 against the Cardinals, so for me, this worked out great!"

"I spy with my little eye something blue."

"Hey! These sleeve things are really johnny cakes! And that scarf thingey is allllll BACON! Sweet!"

"Though thou shouldest bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him--Proverbs 27:22; but let's try anyhow and see what happens."

"Well, at least now we know: Piranhás don't eat fruit."

"Raft? George Raft was in Silent Treatment with Jerry Lewis, and Lewis was in Scared Stiff with Carmen Miranda. Oh, you mean this raft."

"You realize you have no left hip?"

"So much for this a' trois."

Decomposing flesh makes great fertilizer. This fruit is tasty!

People say there's no upside to anorexia, but I think we're seeing it right here.

When he first got into the lifeboat I have to admit I was a little creeped out by the outfit, but hey, all's well that ends well, right?

Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl...

No, no. . . thinning. . . your hair is thinning, but you're not bald.

This fruit is making me have to shit.

"I'm not surprised the skeletons in your closet involve a bunch of fruits! Ha, get it? Because you're such a fag."

"I'd toss her salad."

"Our preternatural manly calm here in the face of imminent capsize and is all the more de rigueur in view of Chesney Sullenberger's recent bravery over on the Hudson....That's it. Good."

You know, I'da sworn the Day of the Dead was six months away, but what the hell. Thanks for thinking of me. ... Wait. Hey, ouch! Stop that!

"No wonder she didn't pick up when we tried to ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring her on the Bananaphone."

"Our preternatural manly calm here in the face of imminent capsize is all the more de rigueur in view of Chesney Sullenberger's recent show over on the Hudson."

"I really love her peaches. Want to shake her tree? Nah, just kidding. Cuz I'm a joker, you're Al Roker, and she's a life-raft croaker."

VOICEOVER: Unsurprisingly, the Steve Miller musical would never be performed again.

If this is your subconscious, the interpretation would be that: you’re helpless to steer the course of your life, you view women as void of any value save providing sustenance, and that you’ll forever be inferior to men with hair.

"What time you got?"

You think me smoking this pipe is Freudian? What about that long, hard,creamy Banana you're wrapping your lips around?

when they said "rafting survival skills for the paraplegic hosted by Tropicana Orange Juice" I was all like "where do sign." We're so lucky we can't feel anything below the waist. Both of feet are starting to gangrene.

when they said "rafting survival skills for the paraplegic hosted by Tropicana Orange Juice" I was all like "where do I sign?" We're so lucky we can't feel anything below the waist. Both of feet are starting to gangrene.

when they said "rafting survival skills for the paraplegic hosted by Tropicana Orange Juice" I was all like "where do I sign?" We're so lucky we can't feel anything below the waist. Both of our feet are starting to gangrene.

"Thank you for the introduction, Al. It certainly is great being here for the annual meeting of the Robin Williams Fan Club."

"You know, Dave, I don't think I'm going with you on any more last-minute cruise deals from Orbitz."

"Whatever. Nobody ever looks like their MySpace profile pic."

"Look on the bright side. It's not like Sauron managed to find us or anything."

"Tell me again how Meetup Dot Org is a great way to meet single chicks...?"

"...and you said I'd never follow through on my threat to leave the country if he ever became President! Ha! Who's laughing now?"

"She's pro-ana anyway."

"I’d like to plunge MY plane into the Hudson. Kate Hudson.”

"It's like they say Farley, anything can happen in a Bermuda love triangle."

1. Aaaaaaah! There's a bald fat man on our boat!

2. No one is talking; they're either dead or eating.

"This bailout stinks."

"Well, I guess we've exhausted the fish jokes. Now we start on the fruit ones . . . if that's not too uncomfortable, of course."

"Fred, are you picking your teeth? Must I remind you that there's a lady on board?"

This hallucination is nothing new for me because my mother died from a brain aneurysm while we were watching "That Night in Rio" together.

You are so damn bald.

No! That fruit belongs to mother.

"What are the odds that we'd end up with the Edible Bouquet© place setting for our cruise's Día de los Muertos celebration? I mean, I had to shoot or stab about ten people to get to it and then bring it to the life raft.

"Thanks, by the way, for pushing that kid overboard. He seemed to be a good guy, but this way there's more for us, and the sharks are placated for a longer time.

"Banana?"

Afternoon break in the filming of Watchmen, to be released March 6, 2009 by Warner Brothers

How did you know that my name is Norman Bates?

"Would you quit humming 'Que sera, sera?!'"

"If only she could have thought outside of the box..."

"Lucky Lawrence Kusche solved the Bermuda Triangle mystery or I'd be a bit more concerned out here."

"I used to love that old song She's a Peach and What a Pair (Pear)."

How did we get stuck on Charo's raft? I told you let's get on Gopher's!

"You know, there's no prettifying it. 'In' amidst my wife, we are 'in' death."

"With a C, Charon. Odd spelling. Figures. Claimed she was originally black."

"I'm loving this ethnic food. Wanna hijack some Mexican next?"


"Wassuuuuup?"

"You remind me of me when I was you."


“’Early Evening Maritime trio’ by Paul Noth”

“Yeah, you’re right, your hairline is receding”

“Maybe we SHOULD have offered her some sunscreen”

“Yes Charro, that facelift makes you look years younger”

“These sleeveless collared shirts were a real find”

That's right...I'm so hungry I'm eating my cell phone. Oh crap, I just realized I shouldn't have eaten my cell phone because we could have used it to call for help!

"No worries, mate. Search bound to run through the 15th !"

"A man's *CHARTER is his destiny." *(yacht charter)

"Of course she's organic. I kidnapped her from Whole Foods."

"I was going to wake her up with oral sex this moring, but she looked like she could use the extra sleep."

"If we don't get back soon, we won't be able to enter this week's NY Anti-Caption Contest. Oops- too late."

"Apples...hic...give me...hic...the... Oh wait, they're gone. Hic. Nope."

"Wait. Shhh ! Hear that ? Yeah. A NEW YORKER post.. uh, 'coaster' ! Frigging idiots oughta be out in droves !..Anyway, we saved."

" --- ... --- "

"Those poor suckers get to drift aimlessly for a whole week."

Where the hell is contest #181?

"Oh, great. Radosh already judged this contest but the next one doesn't start until Monday. What the hell are we supposed to do out here in the meanwhile with this corpse? There isn't even enough fruit to last us. I'm calling my agent."

Calling all quips, calling all quips. Come in, quips.

"I suppose we might try to contact our Congressman."

"My only regret is I won't live to see A-Rod become the true home run king."

"Her Adam's apple tasted much better."

"... - - - ..."

"A rag, a bone, and a hank of.........pear."

"Something's gotten to our rate of remark !"

"Super freak..super freak..that girl's a super freak."

"Good riddance. She was a Republican."

"And we'll call it The Three Tasties of Eve, not counting this mango."

"If a humorous caption falls into the ocean and no one's there to read it, is it funny?"

"So being dyslexic, I asked YOU to send that all-important very first S O S, remember ?! Not waste battery power. So now we're all probably gonna die."

"Costly thy habit as thy puss allies. Not dressed in 'fancy'. 'Butch', lest gaudy ! For the apparel oft proclaims she-man !"

"Fair WAS foul !...Yuck !"

Um..something's rotted in the state of embarked ?

"Ted Kazcynski--now THAT was a stimulus package."

"I believe Bill Richardson will make a wonderful Secretary of Commerce."

"This contest reminds me of Planet of the Apes. It feels like we've been traveling 100 years in suspended animation and whats-her-name here has been dead for who knows how long."

"She'll stay forever that way, But I know that her pear will go on....O.K., also her banana, grape, and pineapple."

"Yacht's easy. I got Madoff there. But where's another one like that coming from ?"

Those aren't United Fruit bananas, are they?

Post a comment

Powered by
Movable Type 3.2