The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #180
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
•Last week's results. •Rules and tips.
• This week's prize: Mr Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American Dream by Steven Watts. (Winner must post with valid e-mail address.)
First place
"Thank god she was pregnant." TG Gibbon
Second place
“What do you think she meant when she said, 'The water is only three feet deep and we can walk to shore - please let me go home, I miss my family?’”Damon
Third place
"If this is your subconscious, the interpretation would be that: you’re helpless to steer the course of your life, you view women as void of any value save providing sustenance, and that you’ll forever be inferior to men with hair." Weller
Honorable mention
"We already discussed this, Frank! You ate her eyeballs, so I get the pineapple." Jared S.
"Fruit, grain, meat: If only she were lactating, this would have been a balanced diet."Mike Mariano
"Don't kid yourself. If she ever got the chance, she'd eat you and everyone you care about!" Jared
"My turn again already? OK. I never... killed and ate a fellow traveler." Vlad
"Whoever wears the fruit-hat gets to speak!"MAtt
"Somehow I thought a boat ride with Amy WInehouse would be more exciting." Pat Broderick
"Well, Hope, I think it's safe to say this is the worst 'Road' movie yet."gary
"In Soviet Russia, heads give fruit." al in la
"No one is talking; they're either dead or eating." Jimby
Comments
Maybe we should head toward that giant nipple over there.
Posted by: Brackish | February 2, 2009 10:17 AM
"Fruit, grain, meat: If only she were lactating, this would have been a balanced diet."
Posted by: Mike Mariano | February 2, 2009 10:19 AM
OK, you're right. They ARE plastic.
Posted by: Jared | February 2, 2009 10:23 AM
It's obviously some sort of Miranda warning, but I don't get the connection to being lost at sea.
Posted by: therblig | February 2, 2009 10:25 AM
Don't kid yourself. If she ever got the chance, she'd eat you and everyone you care about!
Posted by: Jared | February 2, 2009 10:25 AM
That was some miraculous landing, but we probably should have jumped on that Staten Island ferry when we had the chance.
Posted by: therblig | February 2, 2009 10:30 AM
"We should have eaten her flesh more slowly. I hate fruit."
Posted by: MAtt | February 2, 2009 10:35 AM
“Yeah, I'm positive. Signal Flare Hat Girl had herpes.”
Posted by: Damon | February 2, 2009 10:36 AM
Stop calling her "Fruit Head." Her name was Chiquita.
Pulling the meat off her bones without removing the clothes was a neat trick. But we're going to have to peel the pineapple before we eat it.
How do you still have a gut like that after a month out here?
"Eat the fruit first"? Why didn't you suggest that before we killed and devoured your wife?
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 2, 2009 10:39 AM
"If the merchant marines arrive and you are still performing fellatio on that banana we in for a long ride back to shore."
Posted by: MAtt | February 2, 2009 10:43 AM
Soy un hombre tipo de teta - lo que puede digo...
Posted by: simsburybear | February 2, 2009 10:44 AM
"Whoever wears the fruit-hat gets to speak!"
Posted by: MAtt | February 2, 2009 10:47 AM
“What do you think she meant when she said, `The water is only three feet deep and we can walk to shore - please let me go home, I miss my family?’”
Posted by: Damon | February 2, 2009 10:48 AM
“I always function best in a crisis. That pineapple is fucking mine.”
Posted by: Rob | February 2, 2009 10:55 AM
"So, you've got what now - fifth degree burns on top of your head?"
['Survivor: Adrift with the skeleton of Carmen Miranda'] "I'm forming a coalition with the skeleton of Carmen Miranda so we can vote you off the raft at the tribal council tonight."
Posted by: MAtt | February 2, 2009 11:06 AM
"Fucker Sullenberger left us here in the Hudson. Why? Because we have a DEAD one on board! It would mess up his 'saved everybody' story."
Posted by: Joey | February 2, 2009 11:17 AM
"I'll let you fuck her if you let me eat her."
Posted by: Richard H | February 2, 2009 11:17 AM
"Wait a couple more days, and those implants should come out with gentle tugging. Then we'll both have a stress ball."
Posted by: Damon | February 2, 2009 11:18 AM
"I thought banana republics had free shipping."
Posted by: Kosmicki | February 2, 2009 11:24 AM
I love these lazy saturdays
Posted by: Tron | February 2, 2009 11:25 AM
“No, I said, ‘You paddle with your hands while I scream.’ Nobody’s getting a banana split.”
Posted by: Rob | February 2, 2009 11:29 AM
The good news: we won't get scurvy. The bad news: I've had scurvy, and it is delicious.
Posted by: LK | February 2, 2009 11:33 AM
Somehow I thought a boat ride with Amy WInehouse would be more exciting.
Posted by: Pat Broderick | February 2, 2009 11:46 AM
"This plastic fruit is fucking terrible."
Posted by: David | February 2, 2009 11:57 AM
"I'll eat the fruit, you can have the fried egg floating above your head."
Posted by: Richard H | February 2, 2009 11:58 AM
"I'm not accusing you of anything. All I'm saying is that she was alive when I went to sleep."
Posted by: David | February 2, 2009 12:05 PM
"You've got to be the fattest refugee ever. Look at how much room you're taking up!"
Posted by: David | February 2, 2009 12:08 PM
"Now tell me gays don't carry advantages."
Posted by: Sam L. | February 2, 2009 12:12 PM
"Damn it, we should have fucked her first!"
Posted by: Francis | February 2, 2009 12:28 PM
"I became my dad. You're becoming an inflatable raft."
Posted by: Rob | February 2, 2009 12:29 PM
"I've sort of lost track, but I think today is November 2nd. Why?"
Posted by: Theophylact | February 2, 2009 12:42 PM
"And to think I ever considered myself a vegan !"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 2, 2009 12:44 PM
"I gotta say it: Drew Peterson you have the worst luck!"
Posted by: Tim H | February 2, 2009 12:48 PM
"We already discussed this, Frank! You ate her eyeballs, so I get the pineapple."
Posted by: Jared S. | February 2, 2009 12:50 PM
"Eat up now; she'll probably vanish the next time the island time-shifts."
"Well, Hope, I think it's safe to say this is the worst 'Road' movie yet."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 2, 2009 1:25 PM
"Eat up now; she'll probably vanish the next time the island time-shifts."
"Well, Hope, I think it's safe to say this is the worst 'Road' movie yet."
Posted by: gary | February 2, 2009 1:26 PM
"This life raft is useless out here in the middle of the desert. Oh well, I guess we'll just have to continue sitting out in the sun, consuming our entire food supply. What say you, Bonesy? Oh, right! You're dead! Ha!"
Posted by: Adam | February 2, 2009 1:28 PM
"I'm not complaining but don't you think it's odd that she fully decomposed but the fruit is still fresh?"
"I should get the pineapple. I was mom's favorite."
Posted by: gary | February 2, 2009 1:28 PM
"It's very good, but I still don't think it's relevant to do your George Raft impression right now."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 2, 2009 1:33 PM
"At first I thought it was obvious where that stink was coming from, but then I saw your feet..."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 2, 2009 1:35 PM
"The chow here is obscene."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 2, 2009 1:37 PM
"I think it goes: `Red sky at night, sailor's delight; say something agressively unfunny which doesn't directly reference the dead chick and her head grapes, but rather comments wryly on something the artist may have overlooked in the morning, sailors get Hefner bio.' But I may have it backwards."
Posted by: Damon | February 2, 2009 1:50 PM
"Frickin' no-no, man ! No way goddamn 'humerus' compares to a 'femur' for paddle ! Frickin' 'leg men'!...Jeez !"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 2, 2009 1:54 PM
Stop laughing at me. You think it was my idea to wear this fruity outfit? Times are tough, so the bosses thought that livening up the Styx boat ride might drum up a little more business.
Posted by: bunsen | February 2, 2009 2:03 PM
"And I say what looks like a beach is just where he stopped drawing waves. You're free to go jump in the `sand', though. Charo and I will stay here in the Reality Boat."
Posted by: Damon | February 2, 2009 2:15 PM
"Still no sign of land. How long is it? ...your penis, I mean."
Posted by: Vance | February 2, 2009 2:22 PM
"Christ, Jerry, for the hundredth time, it's only you and me in this raft, OK? Why, who is it this time - Marilyn Monroe with a fireman's hat, or Jerry Garcia playing the glockenspeil?"
Posted by: Vance | February 2, 2009 2:27 PM
"Ya know, Phil, people have already noticed your unsightly paunch, but what about the size of your left thigh? I mean, your ass must be bigger than me and Skeletiranda put together!"
Posted by: Vance | February 2, 2009 2:29 PM
"Are you still dating that girl from Accounting?"
"Do you know the etymology of the word 'squick'?"
Posted by: Rubrick | February 2, 2009 2:30 PM
"Nothing like a whore's latitudes, hey, Jack ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 2, 2009 2:35 PM
"It's a good thing there are no 'clacks' here to be heard."
Posted by: Sam L. | February 2, 2009 2:45 PM
"You always get your money's worth on a Carnival Cruise."
Posted by: Tim H | February 2, 2009 2:50 PM
"Anorexic...dehydrated ! That sudden bout of 'infancy reversion' was cruel, 'Nicholson'!"
Posted by: Anonymous | February 2, 2009 3:26 PM
I hear there's going to be a Lord & Taylor in that new galleria.
Posted by: TE | February 2, 2009 3:43 PM
(Sings deliriously): "But don't Stop thinking about the marrow...better grade gone, better grade gone !"
Posted by: Von Go | February 2, 2009 4:02 PM
"This apple has lice. Pubic lice."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 2, 2009 4:11 PM
"What say we hoist a main ? That 'bustier', few tenons...Necessary to disassemble a few 'long bones', of course."
Posted by: Von Go | February 2, 2009 4:25 PM
"It's too bad there are no FLACKS here to see this... Think of the movie !"
Posted by: Von Go | February 2, 2009 4:38 PM
"I can't believe how relaxed you look, given what a bizarre and disturbing situation we're in."
Posted by: John Tabin | February 2, 2009 4:47 PM
Man on the Right:
"Yes, well I'd rather be alive and comfortable with my baldness than dead and in denial"
"Don't fret sonny; we'll just drift to the Hudson River and wait for a plane to pick us up"
Man 1: "Would you like some of this magical fruit?"
Man 2: "No thanks, I already hallucin-ATE."
Posted by: Donny | February 2, 2009 5:00 PM
"It little profits that an island fling Midst this lil *mirth, athwart this barren hag..." *cartoon
Posted by: Von Go | February 2, 2009 5:05 PM
We should have waited more than a few hours to eat her. If we get rescued tonight our 5 o'clock shadow is definitely going to be used against us. But goddamn was she annoying.
Posted by: Charles | February 2, 2009 5:15 PM
"Sacrebleu ! 'Le dejeuner sur l'herbe' ! Manet ! But of course, monsieur !"
Posted by: Von Go | February 2, 2009 5:18 PM
"I didn't realize Central Park Lake was so big."
Posted by: jim M | February 2, 2009 5:18 PM
You're sure that keeping her legs warm won't make them rot faster?
Posted by: Charles | February 2, 2009 5:36 PM
"Well, that covers two of the things I want to do before I die. One, taste human flesh. And two, ride the flume ride at Six Flags."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 2, 2009 6:27 PM
"She's giving me a boner.
Posted by: J.D. | February 2, 2009 6:41 PM
"That's really starting to freak me out. You too?"
"What skeleton? Seriously - there's no skeleton here."
"This fruit is delicious. The sun is shining, the sea is calm - what a perfect day."
Posted by: Deborah | February 2, 2009 6:57 PM
"Of course you are hallucinating! That was a bar-bitch-you-ate!"
"Fruit? Why didn't you tell me she was wearing fruit! I wouldn't have killed her for food!"
"Dia De Muertas!"
Posted by: Johnny V | February 2, 2009 7:12 PM
Liver lover liver lover liver lover. Now you say it three times real fast.
Posted by: SK | February 2, 2009 9:04 PM
At least I remembered to bring the Halloween decoration. You only remembered to bring your fat ass.
Posted by: SK | February 2, 2009 9:07 PM
Who knew dead pirate whores with fruit hats could be so entertaining?
Posted by: SK | February 2, 2009 9:09 PM
After we finish these apples, I say we throw it overboard before its bones start to rub together and make screechy noises like chalk scraping on a blackboard.
Posted by: SK | February 2, 2009 9:13 PM
"I woulda killed her for that stupid fucking hat even if I WASN'T hungry."
Posted by: Steve_O | February 2, 2009 9:21 PM
"Tell her she has the right to remain silent. Miranda rights, get it? Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA....Oh Christ, I'm losing my mind."
Posted by: Steve_O | February 2, 2009 9:22 PM
"Donner. And what's your name?"
Posted by: Mork | February 2, 2009 9:23 PM
"Did I ever tell you about the time I was stranded in the Andes with a Brazilian soccer team?"
Posted by: Mork | February 2, 2009 9:29 PM
"I'm haunted by the face of our victim."
Posted by: Steve_O | February 2, 2009 9:30 PM
"Are you sure we're in the right place for the Burning Man Festival?"
Posted by: mort drucker | February 2, 2009 10:15 PM
"Now you've gone and upset her. The fruit is not waxy. The fruit is lush and nice."
Posted by: mort drucker | February 2, 2009 10:20 PM
"This fruit will probably save our lives."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 2, 2009 10:37 PM
"I think she's gained weight."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 2, 2009 11:05 PM
"Liferaft B-14 had Mayor Motherfucking McCheese!"
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 2, 2009 11:08 PM
"No, no, we ate the pelvis Tuesday. Thursday was Fibia Day!"
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 2, 2009 11:12 PM
"Gerald, I've been having an affair."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 2, 2009 11:15 PM
"She needs the goddam hat because she's COMPLETELY bald, you selfish prick."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 2, 2009 11:20 PM
So hoist up the john bs sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the captain ashore
Let me go home, let me go home
I wanna go home, let me go home
This is the worst trip Ive ever been on
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 2, 2009 11:29 PM
"Au gratin would have been even better, but that's just the Wausau in me talkin', ha ha haaa."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 2, 2009 11:31 PM
"We're some 320 light years from Earth on an unnamed planet in orbit
around a star in the constellation of Orion ...
Stewart here is to be the new Eve. With our hot and eager help, of course ... Care for another apple?"
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | February 3, 2009 12:07 AM
"We're some 320 light years from Earth, on an unnamed planet in orbit around a star in the constellation of Orion ... Stewart here is to be the new Eve -- with our hot and eager help, of course ... Care for another apple?"
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | February 3, 2009 12:09 AM
"The horas here are obscene."
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | February 3, 2009 12:19 AM
"Frankly, ever since the budget cuts, Captain Steubing, your Love Boat kinda sucks."
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | February 3, 2009 12:21 AM
"Bone apetit!!!"
Posted by: Rubrick | February 3, 2009 1:39 AM
"In Soviet Russia, heads give fruit."
Posted by: al in la | February 3, 2009 2:00 AM
"Awesome, this is just like Waterworld, fuckin awesome"
Posted by: savid152 | February 3, 2009 2:02 AM
At least we used our sleeves to make her a shirt.
Dude, what happened to her legs?
Your head's getting burnt.
So she didn't like fruit, the irony
Posted by: Kristen Kelly | February 3, 2009 2:14 AM
"'Let's go on a cruise'! you said. 'It's really cheap!' you said. 'All-you-can-eat buffet!' you said. I have to hand it to you, Stan, it's actually not bad for the price."
Posted by: Richard H | February 3, 2009 4:32 AM
"We're on a crash diet--get it? HA HA HA...she gives good head....HA HA HAAAA...fruit of the doom, baby! HA HA HA HA HA.......where do I come up with these?"
Posted by: Rob | February 3, 2009 6:55 AM
"It's people! Your daughter is made of people!"
"Well, to me _you_ look like a giant roast chicken."
"Thank god she was pregnant."
"Oh no, I'd never eat you, Steve. She was my wife but you, you're some random dude from Wisconsin who happened to be on the same flight. That's like a sacred bond."
"Boy, Tullulah was a lot better than Hume or Canada, don't you think? You know, hearing that I bet a lot of people would think we were in the 1944 Hitchcock film 'Lifeboat' but we're actually in the future eating the grown children of hipsters who foolishly sent their obnoxious children to our unaccredited fat camp."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 3, 2009 7:58 AM
Sorry man, all those years I thought you were a compulsive over-eater, but since we've been stuck on this raft for 11 days, you've managed to gain 15 pounds on orange seeds and lemon peels. I guess you really do have a thyroid problem.
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | February 3, 2009 9:05 AM
"MRSA? MRSA...no, never heard of it. Here, let me Google it."
Posted by: RichM | February 3, 2009 9:17 AM
"I'm sure glad we ate the only black person here to see this."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | February 3, 2009 9:20 AM
"I think the lifeguard's trying to signal us. Maybe we've gone too far from shore?"
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | February 3, 2009 9:22 AM
"We're always drifting to the port side and running aground. Move your stinky feet so I can slide across and sit on the other side of Mary Kate."
"OK, Bob. You know, when this is all over, if we make it out alive, it's clear we'll have her to thank: for her fresh fruit hat, unflagging optimism and huge supply of raft-size super maxipads."
Posted by: LV | February 3, 2009 9:30 AM
This is the last bottomless club buffet I ever visit.
She said she no body to go with her on the cruise.
After the heart attack on Durante's show, Carmen really took a cruise ship job
Posted by: k siers III | February 3, 2009 9:48 AM
Top half of the morning to you!
Do you hear Elvis Costello?
"All for a song and dance and an edible hat"
She said we'd have to eat her down there before we could do anything more.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 3, 2009 9:54 AM
Her sleeve ruffles have ridges. Let's roll our Rs.
Carmen didn't have the stomach for white water rafting, so she opted for the blue water trip.
Eating Brazilian food always gives me gas.
Posted by: k siers IV | February 3, 2009 10:01 AM
"Fuggin' John Steinbeck. He wrote us into this scenario, and he can damn well write us out of it."
Posted by: mdoyle | February 3, 2009 10:03 AM
- The sores[saltwater]here are unseen. -
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | February 3, 2009 10:06 AM
Dr. Lecter and Jeff Dahmer take an Olsen twin out for dinner.
You said you'd get to the bottom of this.
What's eating her?
We've been Mirandized.
Posted by: k siers V | February 3, 2009 10:16 AM
It's the Areola Borealis!
Dahmer! Party of 3!
Come bring me your softness
Comfort me through all this madness
Come give me your sweetness
She was half, not whole
In step with none...
Posted by: K siers vi | February 3, 2009 10:22 AM
"Dunno, Harvey. The 'Guinness record for shortest range, maritime, mobile-phone conversations between posthumous speakers' strikes me as unsatisfactorily 'niche'."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | February 3, 2009 10:36 AM
I'm waiting for the sun to go down.
We cannibals usually don't eat the garnish.
Leftovers again!
Posted by: k siers vii | February 3, 2009 10:37 AM
"Really? I'm gay too. You couldn't have mentioned that two months ago?"
Posted by: Joshua | February 3, 2009 10:42 AM
Carmen Miranda's abusive ex-husband credits trophy wife's mount for survival after shipwreck.
Cannibalism is my Commerce!
She needed a little bit of mint jelly...
Posted by: henry viii | February 3, 2009 10:44 AM
"Giving new meaning to 'stiff boat', hunh ?"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | February 3, 2009 11:20 AM
It was a great idea to preserve her flesh inside this hollowed out hand fruit.
Posted by: Corey | February 3, 2009 11:22 AM
"Hell no I'm not going to socket fuck that thing...we don't even know where it's been!"
Posted by: Dave | February 3, 2009 11:22 AM
"If it wasn't for the fruit I'd be totally constipated after all that raw meat."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 3, 2009 11:38 AM
"A thousand thanks. Whew, I thought we were groane.. er, 'goners'........What?"
Posted by: Anonymous | February 3, 2009 12:02 PM
"Good thing those guys in the other life raft were thinking with their little heads when we divvied her up."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 3, 2009 12:10 PM
"I'm starting to appreciate the European custom of having a fuit course after dinner."
Posted by: stcoleridge | February 3, 2009 12:36 PM
" 'They're writing songs of love, but noth er, not for me ! - A yolky star's above, but not for me ! - I am a 'tool', becalmed at sea this way ! - Heigh ho, alas, and lack-a-say. - Although I can't dismiss the memory of her kiss, I guess she's noth er, not for me. - It all began so well, but what an end ! This is the time a wid'wer needs a friend.....' "
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | February 3, 2009 12:46 PM
"This new Disney ride "Exhumed Movie Stars in a Giant Model of the Stomach" is really cool."
Posted by: J.D. | February 3, 2009 12:51 PM
" 'I WOULD go down 'fore a tease again, for a flagrant gypsy-wife ! To a moll's way (the old sashay!), where the bed's like a vetted grief !'....Well, live and learn."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | February 3, 2009 1:27 PM
"To be honest, I thought they said this was going to be a CANNABIS cruise."
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | February 3, 2009 1:44 PM
Man, who thought dropping acid in the kiddie pool would be so awesome.
Posted by: tb | February 3, 2009 1:50 PM
"I thought you said Electra."
Posted by: J.D. | February 3, 2009 2:32 PM
"No, it's actually a 'transitional' found-object piece. I'm a disciple of Arcimboldo, you see. So the whole thing is in for rather a makeover !"
Posted by: Von Go | February 3, 2009 3:16 PM
Well, Vern, it looks like we've picked this corpse about as clean as The Guy Who Thinks We Can't Tell He's Posted 25 Captions Under Different Names But The Same Cretinous Punctuation Idiosyncracies has with this cartoon."
Posted by: Vance | February 3, 2009 3:26 PM
" 'Wake of the Dead Bitch', you see that one ?"
Posted by: Anonymous | February 3, 2009 3:56 PM
" 'Comparative Literature'. Lot of good it did me."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 3, 2009 4:32 PM
"Seasickness my ass. I tell ya it was bulimia."
Posted by: LR | February 3, 2009 5:25 PM
"...and as I'm sure you can tell, the skeleton-in-a-dress represents feminist criticism of the surrealist movement as a whole."
Posted by: Vlad | February 3, 2009 5:26 PM
"My turn again already? OK. I never... killed and ate a fellow traveler."
Posted by: Vlad | February 3, 2009 5:28 PM
"If that's how you feel, then I'm taking my corpse and going home."
Posted by: Vlad | February 3, 2009 5:31 PM
"Give it up. This is one staring contest you just can't win."
Posted by: Vlad | February 3, 2009 5:43 PM
"Yep, worms in this one, too. How does this keep happening?"
Posted by: Vlad | February 3, 2009 5:48 PM
'Mr. Playboys', fat's chance now !
Posted by: Anonymous | February 3, 2009 5:52 PM
"Does my 'esprit d'escalier' annoy you ?"
Posted by: Swanns Aweigh | February 3, 2009 6:27 PM
"You know, Mel, it's funny. Her pussy stank more in life."
Posted by: J.D. | February 3, 2009 7:06 PM
"She said (chomp, chomp), I know what it's (chomp) like to be dead. (chomp) I said, who put all those (chomp) things on your head."
Posted by: Fonda Lennon | February 3, 2009 8:44 PM
"You're right, it is Michael Jackson! What the hell happened to his nose?"
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | February 3, 2009 8:55 PM
"Here's a clue--why do vultures suddenly appear every time she is near?"
Posted by: Rob | February 3, 2009 9:17 PM
"I strongly suggest you put some sunscreen on that melon of yours or you're going to end up like our friend Carmen Miranda over here."
Posted by: Dave | February 3, 2009 9:37 PM
"I strongly suggest you put some sunscreen on that melon of yours or you're going to end up like our friend Carmen Miranda over here."
Posted by: Dave | February 3, 2009 9:38 PM
"Fruit!"
Posted by: Dave | February 3, 2009 9:43 PM
"Remind me why we saved Mrs. Howell for last."
Posted by: Joshua | February 3, 2009 10:28 PM
"One more margarita and I say we head back to shore."
Posted by: Joshua | February 3, 2009 10:32 PM
"So this is a parable about how our rape and pillage of the tropics is connected to the impending melting ice cap disaster?"
Posted by: Kosmicki | February 3, 2009 11:53 PM
"Carmen Miranda died in 1953, the same year Playboy was first published. Coincidence? Probably."
Posted by: J.D. | February 4, 2009 1:33 AM
This'd be a lot funnier if something was improbably outsized in scale. I'm Mormon and you're Jewish, a good life raft premise, but it's not obvious enough.
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | February 4, 2009 9:20 AM
" 22'-19'-23', I'm guessing. Taking that last on faith."
Posted by: H.H. | February 4, 2009 11:02 AM
"Bob, quit your worrying. It's like our own 'Weekend at Bernie's!'"
Posted by: TMo | February 4, 2009 11:16 AM
"This could be a hell of a lot funnier if you'd pull your outsized droopy boobs out."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 4, 2009 12:27 PM
"OK Reggie, the 'banana as microphone Carmen Miranda shtick' is officially old. Not to mention that for an aging drag queen, you sing surprisingly off key."
Posted by: mort drucker | February 4, 2009 12:46 PM
"The line between blasphemy and tribute is sometimes blurred. In this case, not so much."
Posted by: mort drucker | February 4, 2009 12:47 PM
"Ironic that the first mate responsible for the ship going down was himself a drag queen known for 'going down', but also beloved by all for his exquisite fruit hats and scintillating table talk."
Posted by: mort drucker | February 4, 2009 1:02 PM
Who farted?
Posted by: Jon Jackson | February 4, 2009 1:22 PM
"The oars here are unseen."
[Nod to N.O. it all !]
Posted by: Kathy H | February 4, 2009 2:15 PM
When you said you got so bored on that island you were boning fruit I pictured something else.
Posted by: Greg Urbaitis | February 4, 2009 2:31 PM
"Shut up with 'The Name Game' already!"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 4, 2009 2:48 PM
"Just our luck, Carmen Miranda in a lifeboat."
Posted by: Alex | February 4, 2009 4:05 PM
"Dem bones dem bones dem - DRY bones --"
Posted by: Dave | February 4, 2009 5:31 PM
"You be Huck and I'll be Jim."
Posted by: Dave | February 4, 2009 5:36 PM
"Do you know, I don't think the Watsons will be joining us after all."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 4, 2009 5:54 PM
"I had bet her $20 against the Cardinals, so for me, this worked out great!"
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 4, 2009 5:56 PM
"I spy with my little eye something blue."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 4, 2009 5:58 PM
"Hey! These sleeve things are really johnny cakes! And that scarf thingey is allllll BACON! Sweet!"
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 4, 2009 6:00 PM
"Though thou shouldest bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him--Proverbs 27:22; but let's try anyhow and see what happens."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 4, 2009 7:49 PM
"Well, at least now we know: Piranhás don't eat fruit."
Posted by: al in la | February 4, 2009 10:06 PM
"Raft? George Raft was in Silent Treatment with Jerry Lewis, and Lewis was in Scared Stiff with Carmen Miranda. Oh, you mean this raft."
Posted by: Bacon | February 4, 2009 11:46 PM
"You realize you have no left hip?"
Posted by: Nathan | February 5, 2009 9:41 AM
"So much for this a' trois."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 5, 2009 1:09 PM
Decomposing flesh makes great fertilizer. This fruit is tasty!
Posted by: Anonymous | February 5, 2009 1:21 PM
People say there's no upside to anorexia, but I think we're seeing it right here.
Posted by: Tom | February 5, 2009 3:48 PM
When he first got into the lifeboat I have to admit I was a little creeped out by the outfit, but hey, all's well that ends well, right?
Posted by: Tom | February 5, 2009 3:49 PM
Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl...
Posted by: Steve | February 5, 2009 3:55 PM
No, no. . . thinning. . . your hair is thinning, but you're not bald.
Posted by: pete | February 5, 2009 4:01 PM
This fruit is making me have to shit.
Posted by: pete | February 5, 2009 4:02 PM
"I'm not surprised the skeletons in your closet involve a bunch of fruits! Ha, get it? Because you're such a fag."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 5, 2009 4:13 PM
"I'd toss her salad."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 5, 2009 4:14 PM
"Our preternatural manly calm here in the face of imminent capsize and is all the more de rigueur in view of Chesney Sullenberger's recent bravery over on the Hudson....That's it. Good."
Posted by: C.S. | February 5, 2009 4:20 PM
You know, I'da sworn the Day of the Dead was six months away, but what the hell. Thanks for thinking of me. ... Wait. Hey, ouch! Stop that!
Posted by: daniel.gene | February 5, 2009 4:32 PM
"No wonder she didn't pick up when we tried to ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring her on the Bananaphone."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 5, 2009 4:46 PM
"Our preternatural manly calm here in the face of imminent capsize is all the more de rigueur in view of Chesney Sullenberger's recent show over on the Hudson."
Posted by: C.S. | February 5, 2009 5:52 PM
"I really love her peaches. Want to shake her tree? Nah, just kidding. Cuz I'm a joker, you're Al Roker, and she's a life-raft croaker."
VOICEOVER: Unsurprisingly, the Steve Miller musical would never be performed again.
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 5, 2009 5:57 PM
If this is your subconscious, the interpretation would be that: you’re helpless to steer the course of your life, you view women as void of any value save providing sustenance, and that you’ll forever be inferior to men with hair.
Posted by: Weller | February 5, 2009 6:07 PM
"What time you got?"
Posted by: Greg | February 5, 2009 6:32 PM
You think me smoking this pipe is Freudian? What about that long, hard,creamy Banana you're wrapping your lips around?
Posted by: Anonymous | February 5, 2009 6:33 PM
when they said "rafting survival skills for the paraplegic hosted by Tropicana Orange Juice" I was all like "where do sign." We're so lucky we can't feel anything below the waist. Both of feet are starting to gangrene.
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | February 5, 2009 6:45 PM
when they said "rafting survival skills for the paraplegic hosted by Tropicana Orange Juice" I was all like "where do I sign?" We're so lucky we can't feel anything below the waist. Both of feet are starting to gangrene.
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | February 5, 2009 6:45 PM
when they said "rafting survival skills for the paraplegic hosted by Tropicana Orange Juice" I was all like "where do I sign?" We're so lucky we can't feel anything below the waist. Both of our feet are starting to gangrene.
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | February 5, 2009 6:46 PM
"Thank you for the introduction, Al. It certainly is great being here for the annual meeting of the Robin Williams Fan Club."
Posted by: AWH | February 5, 2009 8:33 PM
"You know, Dave, I don't think I'm going with you on any more last-minute cruise deals from Orbitz."
Posted by: AWH | February 5, 2009 8:42 PM
"Whatever. Nobody ever looks like their MySpace profile pic."
Posted by: AWH | February 5, 2009 8:43 PM
"Look on the bright side. It's not like Sauron managed to find us or anything."
Posted by: AWH | February 5, 2009 8:46 PM
"Tell me again how Meetup Dot Org is a great way to meet single chicks...?"
Posted by: AWH | February 5, 2009 8:48 PM
"...and you said I'd never follow through on my threat to leave the country if he ever became President! Ha! Who's laughing now?"
Posted by: AWH | February 5, 2009 8:53 PM
"She's pro-ana anyway."
Posted by: Mack Pate | February 5, 2009 8:57 PM
"I’d like to plunge MY plane into the Hudson. Kate Hudson.”
Posted by: Rob | February 5, 2009 9:46 PM
"It's like they say Farley, anything can happen in a Bermuda love triangle."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | February 5, 2009 10:17 PM
1. Aaaaaaah! There's a bald fat man on our boat!
2. No one is talking; they're either dead or eating.
Posted by: Jimby | February 5, 2009 11:07 PM
"This bailout stinks."
Posted by: Bou | February 5, 2009 11:25 PM
"Well, I guess we've exhausted the fish jokes. Now we start on the fruit ones . . . if that's not too uncomfortable, of course."
Posted by: Bou | February 5, 2009 11:31 PM
"Fred, are you picking your teeth? Must I remind you that there's a lady on board?"
Posted by: Galoux | February 5, 2009 11:34 PM
This hallucination is nothing new for me because my mother died from a brain aneurysm while we were watching "That Night in Rio" together.
Posted by: Alan Weld | February 6, 2009 5:45 AM
You are so damn bald.
Posted by: Drew | February 6, 2009 9:53 AM
No! That fruit belongs to mother.
Posted by: Drew | February 6, 2009 9:59 AM
"What are the odds that we'd end up with the Edible Bouquet© place setting for our cruise's Día de los Muertos celebration? I mean, I had to shoot or stab about ten people to get to it and then bring it to the life raft.
"Thanks, by the way, for pushing that kid overboard. He seemed to be a good guy, but this way there's more for us, and the sharks are placated for a longer time.
"Banana?"
Posted by: David F | February 6, 2009 10:40 AM
Afternoon break in the filming of Watchmen, to be released March 6, 2009 by Warner Brothers
Posted by: David F | February 6, 2009 10:44 AM
How did you know that my name is Norman Bates?
Posted by: DrewMC | February 6, 2009 12:14 PM
"Would you quit humming 'Que sera, sera?!'"
"If only she could have thought outside of the box..."
Posted by: MShaw | February 6, 2009 12:39 PM
"Lucky Lawrence Kusche solved the Bermuda Triangle mystery or I'd be a bit more concerned out here."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 6, 2009 1:19 PM
"I used to love that old song She's a Peach and What a Pair (Pear)."
Posted by: Tim H | February 6, 2009 1:27 PM
How did we get stuck on Charo's raft? I told you let's get on Gopher's!
Posted by: Kovalev | February 6, 2009 2:50 PM
"You know, there's no prettifying it. 'In' amidst my wife, we are 'in' death."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 6, 2009 3:20 PM
"With a C, Charon. Odd spelling. Figures. Claimed she was originally black."
Posted by: J. Campbell | February 6, 2009 5:36 PM
"I'm loving this ethnic food. Wanna hijack some Mexican next?"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 6, 2009 5:47 PM
"Wassuuuuup?"
"You remind me of me when I was you."
Posted by: Carmen | February 6, 2009 5:55 PM
“’Early Evening Maritime trio’ by Paul Noth”
“Yeah, you’re right, your hairline is receding”
“Maybe we SHOULD have offered her some sunscreen”
“Yes Charro, that facelift makes you look years younger”
“These sleeveless collared shirts were a real find”
Posted by: cuf | February 6, 2009 6:19 PM
That's right...I'm so hungry I'm eating my cell phone. Oh crap, I just realized I shouldn't have eaten my cell phone because we could have used it to call for help!
Posted by: Dobie | February 6, 2009 10:50 PM
"No worries, mate. Search bound to run through the 15th !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | February 7, 2009 11:46 AM
"A man's *CHARTER is his destiny." *(yacht charter)
Posted by: Heraclitus | February 7, 2009 6:23 PM
"Of course she's organic. I kidnapped her from Whole Foods."
Posted by: Andy | February 7, 2009 10:21 PM
"I was going to wake her up with oral sex this moring, but she looked like she could use the extra sleep."
Posted by: Richard | February 8, 2009 1:55 AM
"If we don't get back soon, we won't be able to enter this week's NY Anti-Caption Contest. Oops- too late."
Posted by: Steve_O | February 8, 2009 12:27 PM
"Apples...hic...give me...hic...the... Oh wait, they're gone. Hic. Nope."
Posted by: Jethro | February 8, 2009 8:10 PM
"Wait. Shhh ! Hear that ? Yeah. A NEW YORKER post.. uh, 'coaster' ! Frigging idiots oughta be out in droves !..Anyway, we saved."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 9, 2009 12:53 PM
" --- ... --- "
Posted by: Anonymous | February 10, 2009 1:22 AM
"Those poor suckers get to drift aimlessly for a whole week."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 10, 2009 7:04 AM
Where the hell is contest #181?
Posted by: Steve | February 10, 2009 9:37 AM
"Oh, great. Radosh already judged this contest but the next one doesn't start until Monday. What the hell are we supposed to do out here in the meanwhile with this corpse? There isn't even enough fruit to last us. I'm calling my agent."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 10, 2009 10:54 AM
Calling all quips, calling all quips. Come in, quips.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 10, 2009 11:14 AM
"I suppose we might try to contact our Congressman."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 10, 2009 11:35 AM
"My only regret is I won't live to see A-Rod become the true home run king."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 10, 2009 11:51 AM
"Her Adam's apple tasted much better."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 10, 2009 7:14 PM
"... - - - ..."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 11, 2009 1:08 PM
"A rag, a bone, and a hank of.........pear."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 11, 2009 1:24 PM
"Something's gotten to our rate of remark !"
Posted by: Anonymous | February 11, 2009 1:38 PM
"Super freak..super freak..that girl's a super freak."
Posted by: Rick | February 11, 2009 3:12 PM
"Good riddance. She was a Republican."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 11, 2009 4:53 PM
"And we'll call it The Three Tasties of Eve, not counting this mango."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 11, 2009 5:09 PM
"If a humorous caption falls into the ocean and no one's there to read it, is it funny?"
Posted by: Rousseau | February 12, 2009 9:08 AM
"So being dyslexic, I asked YOU to send that all-important very first S O S, remember ?! Not waste battery power. So now we're all probably gonna die."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 12, 2009 12:15 PM
"Costly thy habit as thy puss allies. Not dressed in 'fancy'. 'Butch', lest gaudy ! For the apparel oft proclaims she-man !"
Posted by: Anonymous | February 12, 2009 1:38 PM
"Fair WAS foul !...Yuck !"
Posted by: Anonymous | February 12, 2009 3:25 PM
Um..something's rotted in the state of embarked ?
Posted by: H. Bloom | February 12, 2009 3:49 PM
"Ted Kazcynski--now THAT was a stimulus package."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 12, 2009 9:27 PM
"I believe Bill Richardson will make a wonderful Secretary of Commerce."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 14, 2009 11:00 AM
"This contest reminds me of Planet of the Apes. It feels like we've been traveling 100 years in suspended animation and whats-her-name here has been dead for who knows how long."
Posted by: Taylor | February 15, 2009 9:59 AM
"She'll stay forever that way, But I know that her pear will go on....O.K., also her banana, grape, and pineapple."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 15, 2009 12:38 PM
"Yacht's easy. I got Madoff there. But where's another one like that coming from ?"
Posted by: Anonymous | February 15, 2009 8:23 PM
Those aren't United Fruit bananas, are they?
Posted by: J. S. | February 16, 2009 5:11 PM