The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #182
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
•Last week's results. •Rules and tips.
First place
[voice on phone] - "...press '2' if your Joan Miro painting has caused unusual behavior in your pets..." —MAtt |
Second place
"No matter what you say about still having a full life, I always feel like I'm missing things since I went blind." —David
Third place
"Did you do everything I told you to?"
"Yes, I did! PLEASE DON'T HURT MY FAMILY!"
"Did you tie up your wife?"
"Yes - and I tied up my kids."
"Good."
"I turned out the lights."
"Good."
"I wrote `Victoria Roberts' on the floor."
"Good."
"I stacked the cats."
"Good."
"I raped the dog."
"What?"
"PLEASE DON'T HURT MY FAMILY!" —Damon
Honorable mention
"Hello...Four Cats Standing Totem-like In Your Living Room Hotline? I have a que...yes, I'll hold." —TK
"I'm in your New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #182, Anti-Captioning your New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #182." —Hennie
"I'm telling you, it's cats all the way down." — Squidocto
Comments
"I'll have to call you back. The cats are begging me to watch Man on Wire with them again."
Posted by: Richard H | February 23, 2009 10:16 AM
"I shouldn't have let the guy at Petsmart sell me a home entertainment system"
Posted by: Richard H | February 23, 2009 10:27 AM
"Honey, I was thinking it's time to replace the sofa. What do you say?"
Posted by: Sam L | February 23, 2009 10:28 AM
“Look, I can only fit three of them on the rotisserie, so how ‘bout we microwave ‘Buttons.’”
Posted by: Rob | February 23, 2009 10:31 AM
"Just watching a cat orgy. What're you doin'?"
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 23, 2009 10:37 AM
"Yes, yes. If I hold the phone with my left hand I can masturbate with my right. Wait, the cats are trying to send me a message."
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 23, 2009 10:39 AM
"So, pretty much whatever the cats do, it means 'give us food', is that it?"
"Yeah, the one on top, in the striped shirt - he lost his hat - he seems to be the instigator."
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 23, 2009 10:41 AM
"Oh, and one more thing. I'm no longer tripping over all your damn cats."
Posted by: Rob | February 23, 2009 10:45 AM
"I think they're saying they'd have to be Christ to resist the temptation of snatching the goldfish out of that tiny bowl on the end table."
Posted by: djack | February 23, 2009 11:02 AM
"Yes, the house-sitting has been going fine. They've got this weird collection of embalmed cats, so I've been arranging them in amusing ways to keep myself entertained."
Posted by: John Tabin | February 23, 2009 11:08 AM
"Half-man half-dog absentmindedly scratches right ear while cats scare crows in front of hideous collection of throw pillows"
-Victoria Roberts, 2009
Posted by: djack | February 23, 2009 11:11 AM
Honey, I have to go, the cats got into the formaldehyde stash I was using to rape passersby again.
Posted by: LK | February 23, 2009 11:19 AM
"Believe me, it'll take more than one pussy to crucify that pesky puppy!"
"Are you sure I can't interested you in The Flying Katsamazovs?"
Posted by: David F | February 23, 2009 11:20 AM
"I'm estimating it takes four cats to change a lightbulb....... What do you mean, 'it's just a joke'?"
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 23, 2009 11:25 AM
"We'll have to continue this conversation later, giant piece of macaroni. My wife made of cats wants to have sex. What's that? Yeah, I know - I'm a crazy bastard."
Posted by: Damon | February 23, 2009 11:25 AM
"You won't believe it! I was able to buy a pair of socks from Socko on Craigs List! Although they don't light up? Wait is says here Socks by Sucko, ah fuck."
Posted by: xjv | February 23, 2009 11:33 AM
"Oh, you think you're all so smart! Can YOU pull a kielbasa out of YOUR ear?"
Posted by: Bou | February 23, 2009 11:34 AM
"I'm caller twelve? Yes, I'm ready for the $10,000 question! Ok...`What sculptures, carved from large trees, were typically made by the indigenous people of the pacific northwest'? Wow - I have no idea! That's a tough one. I wish someone were here to give me a clue. Hold on a sec...GET THE FUCK DOWN, YOU STUPID CATS! Sorry - I'm back. I give up; what was the answer?"
Posted by: Damon | February 23, 2009 11:49 AM
"Hello? Is this the Inuit Defamation League? I have something you may find interesting."
[voice on phone] - "...press '2' if your Joan Miro painting has caused unusual behavior in your pets..."
Posted by: MAtt | February 23, 2009 11:50 AM
"No matter what you say about still having a full life, I always feel like I'm missing things since I went blind."
Posted by: David | February 23, 2009 11:59 AM
This one doesn't count, I already did 5, but, "The meowers here are a mob scene."
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 23, 2009 11:59 AM
"Yeah, they're playing Voltron again."
Posted by: David | February 23, 2009 12:00 PM
"The meowers here are Tsimshian."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | February 23, 2009 12:01 PM
"AAAAAAh! Somebody HELLLLP! A giant slug is burrowing into my ear and my shoulder injuries prevent me from raising my right arm or doing anything more than weakly clawing at it with my left!!! Don't you HEAR me, you goddamn circus cats? Get down offa there and HELP me!"
Posted by: Vance | February 23, 2009 12:26 PM
"Well, you were right, Fred - I didn't think using a phone that looks like an old Model 220 rotary but is completely cordless would change the way I see things. But it really has."
Posted by: Vance | February 23, 2009 12:33 PM
"Now why did I bring our stack of taxidermied cats out to the living room? Oh, right -- honey, could you pick up two rolls of toilet paper?"
Posted by: Francis | February 23, 2009 12:38 PM
"Yes, I'm calling to find out if I can substitute four cats in your recipe for Five Cat Soup."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 23, 2009 12:50 PM
"So tell me again why you clipped Freddie's whiskers."
Posted by: Sam L. | February 23, 2009 12:52 PM
*gruff whisper* No, you cannot haz a second coming!
Posted by: Jared S. | February 23, 2009 12:53 PM
Hey Sal. I'm going to have to call you back. I'm neck deep in pussy.
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | February 23, 2009 1:05 PM
Hold one sec... no, no, I'm telling you guys, if you don't have an overcoat you'll never get past the guard. Sorry, Jim. I had to talk to my cats for a second. My fucking cats who only listen TO THE BEGINNING OF THE PLAN.
Posted by: Charles | February 23, 2009 1:06 PM
"Oh, no. They have it all over Phidias."
Posted by: Sam L. | February 23, 2009 1:17 PM
"Hello, poison control? I think my cats might’ve gotten into my meth stash. What are signs that they may be under the influence? Yes? Really? How odd. And then what? WOAH – wait! How’d we get from totem pole to urethra rape?"
Posted by: Damon | February 23, 2009 1:23 PM
"It's too bad there are no flacks here to see this."
Posted by: Sam L. | February 23, 2009 1:26 PM
The 'purrers' here are Tlingit !
Posted by: Sam L. | February 23, 2009 1:36 PM
"Yes, dear. 'Tiny' seems to enjoy his new knitted sweater." - (This one counts since the first 'Sam L.' was not me. No, really !)
Posted by: Sam L. | February 23, 2009 1:55 PM
"...Yeah that's right. And get this. They call their act, 'The Aristocats.'"
Posted by: Dustin | February 23, 2009 2:19 PM
"Hello, what is your return policy? It seems I misunderstood what the 'Indian Pussy Pole' was going to be. I was expecting something from South Asia."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 23, 2009 2:21 PM
Thank you for calling Peterbald, Korat, Birman, and Manx. How may I direct your call?
Posted by: therblig | February 23, 2009 2:45 PM
Thanks, fellas. That trick did take my mind off this crescent shape tumor hanging from my face for a minute.
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | February 23, 2009 2:49 PM
"Sorry, boys - the Treasury Department says no cats allowed. They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill."
Posted by: Damon | February 23, 2009 3:05 PM
"Karl's Kitty Training and Taxidermy. Karl speaking."
Posted by: al in la | February 23, 2009 3:28 PM
"But a pussy like you could try Tetris Cat Stacking at; http://www.neatorama.com/2009/01/15/japanese-cat-tetris-iphone-game/."
Posted by: Rob | February 23, 2009 3:30 PM
"Totem? I barely know 'em!"
Posted by: Dan | February 23, 2009 3:48 PM
Yes, when are the next American Idol try-outs, please?
Posted by: Greg Urbaitis | February 23, 2009 4:12 PM
"Wait, two weeks ?! Now you tell me he 'disappeared from the Westminster' ?"
Posted by: Some Vets | February 23, 2009 4:31 PM
"I'm tellin' ya, these cats are HI-LARIOUS!"
Posted by: Tim H | February 23, 2009 5:22 PM
"Wait, this feline crucifix reminds me of a joke. Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? Give up? They keep falling throught the holes in his hands. Hahahahahahaha."
Posted by: J.D. | February 23, 2009 5:24 PM
Stanley's coprophagia always had an amusing effect on the pets.
Posted by: J.D. | February 23, 2009 5:28 PM
"Why are all these pussies looking so unnatural? I guess that's Victoria's secret."
Posted by: J.D. | February 23, 2009 5:31 PM
"... and when I got tired of that dog that threw its own stick, I swapped it for four cats.... do I like 'em? Not really. Cats suck. You can't train them to do anything... No, I haven't thought of getting a chimp before. Are they dangerous?"
Posted by: Richard H | February 23, 2009 5:46 PM
"Sacrilegious Taxidermy, how may I help you?"
Posted by: Deborah | February 23, 2009 6:51 PM
By god...they are combining! The feline revolution, it is upon us!
Posted by: Tiako | February 23, 2009 7:19 PM
"Sorry, wrong number."
Posted by: Joshua | February 23, 2009 7:22 PM
"Bill? Biff here--the hot glue gun works great, pal, just great!"
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 23, 2009 7:25 PM
"Demonstrations are futile. Your martyred leader's severed head will remain in service as my endtable ashtray; but I am ordering us all pizza. It's Pizza Day!"
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 23, 2009 7:30 PM
Why, yes, Mr. Delonas, I do have my service revolver handy.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 23, 2009 7:43 PM
No, Mr. Will, our data clearly indicated that one couldn't stack cats five high. I'll expect a retraction in your next column.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 23, 2009 7:46 PM
... and now they're about to reenact the tragic final 26 seconds of Continental flight 3407 into Buffalo ...
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 23, 2009 7:49 PM
Barkeep, I'll have a double of whatever the invisible lady on the couch is drinking.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 23, 2009 7:50 PM
Hello? Al's Big and Tall Antimacassars? Can you recommend a way to get my seven-foot-tall roommate's hair oil stains out of the wallpaper below my abstract expressionist art?
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 23, 2009 7:53 PM
"Hello, Humane Society? I have a very strange Viagra question for you..."
Posted by: Dave | February 23, 2009 8:10 PM
"Oh, hi... I had a FELINE you'd be calling."
Posted by: Dave | February 23, 2009 8:15 PM
"Hello, National Weather Service? Could you tell me the weather fourcats... I mean forecast..."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 23, 2009 8:17 PM
"Here,kitty kitty kitty kitty."
Posted by: Dave | February 23, 2009 8:19 PM
"You're bringing over hot dogs? You're in luck. I have some cats up."
Posted by: Dave | February 23, 2009 8:20 PM
"Animal control? Hi. I've got four cats, but five throw pillows. Why am I calling you? Want to buy a lamp? I'm so very lonely."
Posted by: bunsen | February 23, 2009 8:44 PM
"My prostate is as big as a potato and I haven't taken a decent shit in weeks."
Posted by: J.D. | February 23, 2009 8:49 PM
"Well I've got four hairy pussies right here doing some pretty cunning stunts!"
Posted by: J.D. | February 23, 2009 8:57 PM
Hello Mrs. Herold, it's Lenny Silverman. Rehearsals for the Pet Easter Pageant start tonight and we're waiting for our Jesus. Is Travis on his way? .......What's that?..........Oh, you don't say.........."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 23, 2009 8:59 PM
"One thing about a flop cat act, they always land on their feet."
Posted by: Some Vets | February 23, 2009 9:01 PM
Third cat from the top? It's your mom. You're in biiiiiiig trouble.
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 23, 2009 10:56 PM
'Costumed Dwarf Acrobats Sing Sondheim: The Road Company' is canceled. Sorry, boys!
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 23, 2009 11:00 PM
"Hello...hello? Oh Great! Thanks to your nonstop circus antics, mice have overrun the apartment and eaten through the phone lines."
Posted by: mort drucker | February 23, 2009 11:37 PM
(speaking in Russian)
"There used to be a fifth, but he defected during a show in Instanbul."
Posted by: mort drucker | February 23, 2009 11:40 PM
"Second from the top, that's a not-bad Nixon impression. The rest, thanks for coming by, we'll call you, if and when."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | February 23, 2009 11:40 PM
"Even more remarkable is that their hour long enactment of the Stations of the Cross is interspersed with passable barbershop quartet renditions."
Posted by: mo | February 23, 2009 11:48 PM
"Stan, call Doug and Mike, the time has come.
Posted by: savid152 | February 24, 2009 2:14 AM
"Okay, now we're naked. Got it. That's so hot ... How big am I? Um ... um ... about as long as the span of a cat's outstretched forelimbs. (Thanks, guys.) Yeah, I'm big, all right ..."
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | February 24, 2009 2:44 AM
"Yeah, it's an original, but I'm going through some buyer's remorse."
"I'm in your New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #182, Anti-Captioning your New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #182."
Posted by: Hennie | February 24, 2009 5:11 AM
They grafted this ear off a basset hound.
Posted by: Drew | February 24, 2009 7:14 AM
"Duuuude, these LSD tabbies are some good shit."
Posted by: Michael | February 24, 2009 8:51 AM
"I'd guess about 25 pounds of usable meat, why do you ask?"
Posted by: D | February 24, 2009 9:40 AM
"The Goof of Cats in...no, no freaking dogs here, thank you ! The Goof of Cats in Piggyback ! F%#&*%& dogs !"
Posted by: Some Vets | February 24, 2009 9:48 AM
"I'll have to call you back, Ben. The cats are sending semaphore that the butterfly shrimp are burning."
Posted by: Bou | February 24, 2009 10:49 AM
"Mom, I have to go now. Mittens is threatening to commit suicide by jumping off of Cuddles and Lucky, and he's taking Tiger with him."
Posted by: Bou | February 24, 2009 10:58 AM
"I'm telling you, it's cats all the way down."
Posted by: Squidocto | February 24, 2009 11:50 AM
"They're so proud of having hung the picture, I don't have the heart to tell them it's a bit off center."
Posted by: stcoleridge | February 24, 2009 11:56 AM
"You have the most amazing pussies I've ever seen. Yes, I'm looking at them right now. Mmmm, they look so good. When will you be home? I don't know if I can keep it up that long. ... No, I don't mean that, I mean keep up the cheap, obvious double-entendres."
Posted by: Joshua | February 24, 2009 12:09 PM
"That is so nea. ..no, I mean some penmanship."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 24, 2009 12:20 PM
"It's a good thing there are no dogs here to see this."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | February 24, 2009 12:26 PM
"Hello...Four Cats Standing Totem-like In Your Living Room Hotline? I have a que...yes, I'll hold."
Posted by: TK | February 24, 2009 1:11 PM
"Hello, Animal Control? The four cats are OK, but the fifth one is disguising himself as a table lamp..."
Posted by: Tim H | February 24, 2009 1:34 PM
"Why yes, my right arm is
paralyzed, if you must know."Posted by: Kathy H | February 24, 2009 1:40 PM
"Having fulfilled the final requirements, I would like to apply for membership in the Royal Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things."
"OK, they ate the drugged food. Now what's the next step in making more catskin pillows?"
Posted by: LR | February 24, 2009 1:45 PM
"Things are kind of weird around here. The cats ate the baby, one of them is wearing her little striped sweater and I'm talking to you on a cell-basa."
Posted by: LR | February 24, 2009 1:55 PM
That's right, detective. I'm about to destroy 36 lives, so I guess my sin is...gluttony. No, it's not as exciting as SE7EN, but they're fucking cats for god's sake!
Posted by: therblig | February 24, 2009 2:45 PM
(Think Don Diamond, the Brooklyn born actor who played Crazy Cat on TV's "F-Troop")
"Mmm, top cat on totem pole also horniest cat on totem pole. So this should surprise you? Mmm, go figure."
Posted by: djack | February 24, 2009 3:01 PM
Hi, is Jim around? This is his friend, Sol. Sol.
-What is your name please?
Sol Rosenberg.
-Well, he's not here right now. May I take your message?
I'm calling, he told me I could join the little nudist camp over there.
-Pardon me?
The nudist camp. I want to join the nudist camp, for the beaches
-You Do?
Yes
-Well, I'm sorry.
Why? (pause) What's the problem?
-Who are you calling? Jim?
Yes, that's right.
-Well, is he the one who told you that, ahh, there's a nudist camp?
Yes, he told me I could join the nudist camp because in New York I was in a nudist camp up there and they always would abuse me and and throw me down and rub sand on my nipples and they used to hurt me. Bad. And tie me to the pier and let the fishes eat at me and whatnot.
-Well, what is your name?
Sol! Rosenberg.
-Star?
Sol! (pause) I was calling because I don't want to be tied up to motorboats any more and dragged around like a fool. I want to join a gym and walk up and down the beach and and and step on pissclams.
-Well I don't get it.
Well he said they he would rub small little sandbaskets all over my ass if I wanted to walk up and down the beach with him. We could do that for each other.
-Oh. What is your number? How, pffft, can I call you back?
He said that he would be there to receive this call because we could go flying parasails and diving up and down
-Well I'm his mother and I'm surprised at that.
He told me that I would jump all over the place and do back flips in the sand.
-Yeah?
Because down here he's...
-Who did?
Pardon? He said nobody would beat me up down here
-Oh, is that so?
Because up in New York what happened was they used to tie me down on the beach and rub sand all over my assneck and and beat me with like all little sharp things that they found on the beach and they would try to drown me and tie me to the piers for high tide. And I was very hurt with that.
-Well I'm his mother and I think it's an insulting deal and I'm I'm (stammering) and if I (stammering) I'll talk to him when he gets home. Just don't you worry about that!
Posted by: Sol | February 24, 2009 3:01 PM
It's bad enough that she lives alone with four cats, but I know I'm getting nowhere when they keep me from checking out her ass while she’s in the kitchen.
Posted by: Weller | February 24, 2009 3:06 PM
"Hello? I'm calling to confirm the time of tomorrow's open audition for the role in "Voltron"."
Posted by: Vlad | February 24, 2009 3:41 PM
"Ah, Mossad hat endlich zu sonnig Argentinien für mich gekommen! Ich fürchte mich nicht, und ich habe nicht bedauert. Heil Hitler!"
Posted by: Vlad | February 24, 2009 4:02 PM
[Sorry about the first one, didn't see there'd already been a Voltron joke.]
Posted by: Vlad | February 24, 2009 4:03 PM
"Hello, Shubert Organization? I have got an idea that will knock your socks off!"
Posted by: Kathy H | February 24, 2009 4:33 PM
"Hello National Institute of Standards and Technology's Division of Weights and Measures? I bet you never heard of this one..."
Posted by: Tim H | February 24, 2009 4:40 PM
"I'm sorry sir, even though what you're telling me is the worst possible caption for this cartoon, calling me directly won't help you win."
Posted by: TK | February 24, 2009 5:03 PM
Not right now, I'm up to my neck in pussy over here....
Posted by: smitty63 | February 24, 2009 5:42 PM
"No time to talk, I'm up to my eyebrows in pussy"
Posted by: Cpt Clown | February 24, 2009 7:46 PM
"For my next trick, I'm going to reach deep inside and pull my penis out through my right ear."
Posted by: Rob | February 24, 2009 8:51 PM
"Well, I agree Kiddy porn is a disgrace. But here we do KITTY Porn...No problem Ms. Litella, I knew you'd understand."
Posted by: al in la | February 24, 2009 10:45 PM
Nice try but you're still going into Mr. Wok's chop suey because he, like all Chinese people, has low standards for what meat he considers edible.
Posted by: Bob the Builder | February 24, 2009 11:31 PM
“Hello? Yes, it’s me, chairman Mao. I think I’ve found a solution to our space program’s funding shortfall.”
Posted by: cuf | February 24, 2009 11:48 PM
“the cats are doing acrobatics again!”
Posted by: cuf | February 24, 2009 11:50 PM
“….and for the money shot lets have four pussies stacked on top of each other”
Posted by: cuf | February 24, 2009 11:52 PM
"No, I'm not interested in receiving cable. I don't have a television."
Posted by: Galoux | February 25, 2009 12:07 AM
"You know that coat tree you found for me on eBay, Ken? Forget about it."
Posted by: Galoux | February 25, 2009 12:16 AM
"Totem PWNED"
Posted by: Brian L | February 25, 2009 1:58 AM
"Hello, is this the vet's office? I'm calling to report experiencing an erection lasting longer than four hours."
Posted by: RichM | February 25, 2009 7:12 AM
"Excellent! Tommorrow we'll get out the waterskis."
Posted by: Dave | February 25, 2009 11:16 AM
"It's the weirdest thing. We were all just sitting around waiting for the results of The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #181, when BAM! the cats just started stackin' !"
Posted by: Kathy H | February 25, 2009 12:12 PM
"Hello, Wasington Nationals? I understand you lost 102 games last year. Would you be interested in a defensive move I have in mind?"
Posted by: Tim H | February 25, 2009 12:24 PM
In Soviet Union, you erect pussies.
Posted by: Jimby | February 25, 2009 1:13 PM
"Did you do everything I told you to?"
"Yes, I did! PLEASE DON'T HURT MY FAMILY!"
"Did you tie up your wife?"
"Yes - and I tied up my kids."
"Good."
"I turned out the lights."
"Good."
"I wrote `Victoria Roberts' on the floor."
"Good."
"I stacked the cats."
"Good."
"I raped the dog."
"What?"
"PLEASE DON'T HURT MY FAMILY!"
Posted by: Damon | February 25, 2009 2:29 PM
"Victoria Roberts is an idiot...have you seen any of her work?
Posted by: Smitty63 | February 25, 2009 2:29 PM
"When my cats told me that they were from Williamsburg, Brooklyn, I had no idea they were part of some freakin' GIGLIO CREW!"
Posted by: Kathy H | February 25, 2009 5:19 PM
No soap, radio.
I repeat; no soap, radio.
What is the frequency Kenneth?
Hello Rangoon!
Have you ever been phoned from Upton, Mass. for being a lucky wise guy?
Posted by: Anonymous | February 25, 2009 7:34 PM
"Hey! Keep your lovin' brothers happy while I'm on the phone."
Posted by: Rob | February 26, 2009 7:11 AM
"You were right, they do the most amazing things to get your attention when you don't feed them for a week."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 26, 2009 11:03 AM
You know that cat totem you picked up for me in Vancouver last week? It's alive.
Posted by: boneguy | February 26, 2009 11:42 AM
"Good afternoon...I'm calling to order more cats and more bowling balls."
Posted by: TK | February 26, 2009 11:47 AM
"Well, I was going to get some of those Obama Portugese Water Dogs, but, I understand, they don't stack so good."
Posted by: Tim H | February 26, 2009 12:04 PM
"No, I'm not interested in subscribing to the New Yorker." (click.)
"I'll pick up my food order in half and hour- by the way, I'll be wearing a trenchcoat and have the head of a cat."
"Hello, poison control? I think I may have drunk furniture polish instead of whiskey by mistake."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 26, 2009 12:53 PM
"CATS WIN !!...Er , well, just a little Vertical Contest that went on, honey."
Posted by: Some Vets | February 26, 2009 12:53 PM
"No, I'm not interested in subscribing to the New Yorker." (click.)
"I'll pick up my food order in half and hour- by the way, I'll be wearing a trenchcoat and have the head of a cat."
"Hello, poison control? I think I may have drunk furniture polish instead of whiskey by mistake."
Posted by: Ed | February 26, 2009 12:54 PM
"Letting them watch that cat on YouTube spinning by a ceiling fan wasn't a good idea."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 26, 2009 2:05 PM
"Radosh? Finally. Listen, I've been on hold since Monday. My cats and I are wondering what we have to do to get you to select a winner from last...What?...Sure I'll hold a little longer...but can you play something besides the Clique Girlz?"
Posted by: all the regulars | February 26, 2009 4:32 PM
"I love house cat circus acrobatics. I am forever grateful to those who built the first ever house cat circus acrobatics training center. Whoa!...I just experienced deja vu!"
(Props to J.D.)
Posted by: TK | February 26, 2009 5:08 PM
"Hello, Orkin Man? I seem to have a feral cat problem."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 26, 2009 7:52 PM
"Well, I'm the fucking NFL commissioner, and if my cats rule the pass incomplete, it's god damned incomplete!"
Posted by: mypalmike | February 26, 2009 8:02 PM
"Hello, Tarbell Realty? You sold me my house. Thanks for forgetting to mention it was built on top a pet cemetery."
Posted by: David John | February 27, 2009 3:29 AM
"Hey Bruce, remember how you said that gerbils aren't big enough for you any more? Well I think I've come up with a solution..."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 27, 2009 11:20 AM
"We could use some 'calicos' over there."
Posted by: Some Vets | February 27, 2009 11:56 AM
"Oh, and more mousetraps, the gluey ones."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 27, 2009 2:32 PM
"How do I connect them all together so that when I plug in the bottom one they all light up?"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 27, 2009 3:48 PM
"It's a fact Jack, the pussy here is stacked!"
Posted by: Swaption | February 28, 2009 9:46 AM
"Listen up, Radosh, I'm gonna keep stacking the cats until you stop judging contests early and you don't wanna see what happens if they reach the ceiling fan..."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | February 28, 2009 7:58 PM
Right on the fucking baby crib! What are the chances, huh? Good thing my husband works in insurance.
That kid was yours, by the way.
Posted by: D. Hernandez | March 2, 2009 7:50 PM