The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #173
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here for last week's results.
First place
"I never thought that line about my red wagon, laundry cart, and suitcase business being too big to fail would ever work, but boy howdy, did it ever!" —bunsen
Second place
"I love this synagogue!" —John Tabin
Third place
"I think I have enough for a latte." —JohnnyB
Honorable mention
"As the greedy corporate executives celebrated their stolen riches and prepared to exit the building, someone was waiting outside. Someone who had been sent to do a job - one which badly needed to be done. He lurked near the door, wearing dark sunglasses, a cold, calculating look upon his face. He had trained for years, and was focused and ready for what he was about to do. That someone was the limo driver, and he took them all home." —Damon
"See, this is why I became a taxidermist. To make piles and piles and piles of money." —Deborah
"Did you catch the shitty movie with Annie Hall, Queen Latifah and Tom Cruise's daughter?" —xjvpastor
"I'm haunted by the face value of my victims." —George
Comments
"See, this is why I became a lawyer. To make piles and piles and piles of money."
"Ha! Can you believe someone was going to throw this out?"
"Okay, let's see which currency burns fastest. I'm betting on the euro."
Posted by: Deborah | December 8, 2008 10:06 AM
"I'm going to write an anti-caption on each one of these expired coupons and send them in to Radosh."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 8, 2008 10:07 AM
Bail out my ass! Company can go to Hell, I'm going to Aruba!
Posted by: Anonymous | December 8, 2008 10:07 AM
Oh wow - Rentenmarks and Papiermarks! Tons of them! Who said we weren't getting a bonus this year...
Posted by: simsburybear | December 8, 2008 10:12 AM
"There's money spilling out of your suitcase. Maybe you should take the toddler out."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 8, 2008 10:14 AM
"I love crime."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 8, 2008 10:17 AM
"Only 699,999,999,999. Ha! I think we can sue."
Posted by: Sweet Sue | December 8, 2008 10:25 AM
Now that we've got the offices cleaned out, let's get that 'Pay Off Hillary's Campaign Debt" party started!
Posted by: Greg Urbaitis | December 8, 2008 10:27 AM
"You start rolling up the hundreds, and I'll go get the blow."
Posted by: Jared | December 8, 2008 10:58 AM
"Can you believe these New Yorker people made the bailout caption jokes so freaking obvious this week?"
"I think I have enough for a latte."
"The hourly rates here are obscene."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 8, 2008 11:10 AM
"Wow. This is a shitload of money."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 8, 2008 11:10 AM
"I know getting paid by electronic direct deposit would be easier, but I love pulling my little wagon full of crumpled one dollar bills."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 8, 2008 11:13 AM
"Titty bar, here we come!"
Posted by: MAtt | December 8, 2008 11:18 AM
As the greedy corporate executives celebrated their stolen riches and prepared to exit the building, someone was waiting outside. Someone who had been sent to do a job - one which badly needed to be done. He lurked near the door, wearing dark sunglasses, a cold, calculating look upon his face. He had trained for years, and was focused and ready for what he was about to do. That someone was the limo driver, and he took them all home.
Posted by: Damon | December 8, 2008 11:21 AM
"I told you Christie's would let me auction young boys."
Posted by: MAtt | December 8, 2008 11:32 AM
Now I have enough to buy TWO senators.
Posted by: therblig | December 8, 2008 11:33 AM
And they said mail-order couture to Alaska would never make money.
Posted by: therblig | December 8, 2008 11:34 AM
"With this much cash I can finally get that three-titted hooker to blow me."
Posted by: MAtt | December 8, 2008 11:38 AM
"It's a good thing there were no blacks here to sack this."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 8, 2008 11:52 AM
Excellent. Now let's go back to Detroit and get cracking on that "City Semi Truck" idea you had for families. BJ and the Bear will do a promo spot. We can pay for the Bear's hookers with this money.
Posted by: LK | December 8, 2008 11:53 AM
"Almost makes up for my shriveled, limp penis."
Posted by: J.D. | December 8, 2008 12:06 PM
"See, this is why I became a taxidermist. To make piles and piles and piles of money."
Posted by: Deborah | December 8, 2008 12:09 PM
"Boy, those councillors at that medieval castle sure were generous to throw down all this cash. Good thing we gathered ours before the king came out and put a stop to it."
Posted by: Vance | December 8, 2008 12:14 PM
"I know some people would say we have a pointless job, wheeling and carrying these enormous piles of money around and around and around the 14th floor of this building - but it still gives me a warm, happy feeling."
Posted by: Vance | December 8, 2008 12:17 PM
"Hey Frank, I'll give you $5,000 right now to blow me. Ha! Just kidding. I'll actually give you $500,000."
Posted by: Vance | December 8, 2008 12:18 PM
They are called "U.S. dollars." They're worthless, but it is fun to pretend that I'm still rich.
Posted by: Charles | December 8, 2008 12:26 PM
"Chronic diarrhea is epidemic in developing nations, kills more children than any other disease (and painfully too), and is completely preventable."
Posted by: J.D. | December 8, 2008 12:27 PM
"Wow, how fortunate to stumble upon Mike Bloomberg with both a dead hooker AND a live boy!"
Posted by: J.D. | December 8, 2008 12:48 PM
"Look at all the money we're saving on not buying rubber bands or bags."
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | December 8, 2008 1:00 PM
"Some stupid king was dumping all this on peasants from a balcony."
Posted by: J.D. | December 8, 2008 1:14 PM
"Why are you grinning like a pig in shit? If this were real money, don't you think at least ONE bill would have fallen on the carpet?"
Posted by: Leona | December 8, 2008 1:16 PM
"We are certainly well-dressed garbage men."
Posted by: DanMc | December 8, 2008 1:23 PM
"....., a 'GRAND' for your thoughts ?!"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 8, 2008 1:30 PM
I hear Monroe in accounting found a dead hobo in his pile.
Posted by: Mark | December 8, 2008 1:30 PM
Ha, ha, ha! This money could have been used to repair infrastructure and to implement universal healthcare. Instead, it goes to our bank accounts in Dubai. What a funny, funny joke!
Posted by: Arthur | December 8, 2008 1:30 PM
I can't believe he gave us all this just to fuck our wives! Especially since my wife's such a dumb slut, she'd have put out for free!
Posted by: Ronnie the fondler | December 8, 2008 1:31 PM
"That creepy bald guy may have taken my wife and kids, but I've found the strength to carry on, knowing you and I are now certain to win the blue ribbon for large-scale papier-mâché at next week's craft fair. Yep, no killing myself for me!"
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | December 8, 2008 1:31 PM
"Joke's on us! We're on the 40th floor, and there are no elevators in this building!"
"Ah, you brought an extra suitcase. I should have thought of that."
"It's funny. One day you say 'If I had a dollar for every Jew that was slaughtered in the Holocaust....'"
Posted by: Rubrick | December 8, 2008 1:32 PM
Admit it. I was right when I said to hold off on selling that OJ memorabilia until after the trial. Wonder if he'll get raped in prison?
Posted by: therblig | December 8, 2008 1:32 PM
"Where do you think these doors lead?"
Posted by: Thurston | December 8, 2008 1:43 PM
" Ford ?. ...Cerberus Capital Management ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | December 8, 2008 1:44 PM
"Dude! Didn't I tell you? With enough money, we can defy the laws of physics!"
Posted by: Leona | December 8, 2008 1:46 PM
"George Bush doesn't care about black people. But he 'sho nuff do care 'bout us rich white folk'! Amen, mufucker!"
Posted by: Kan2 | December 8, 2008 1:50 PM
"What are we gonna do with all these mousetraps?"
Posted by: Harry | December 8, 2008 1:53 PM
"Bit of 'carrying on' cabbage for you. Nice !"
Posted by: Sam L. | December 8, 2008 2:13 PM
"This might be the gold standard of toilet papers, but I like soft pink tongues best."
Posted by: Kosmicki | December 8, 2008 2:15 PM
"In the long-run Germany got through hyper-inflation swimmingly. ..You're not Jewish, are you ?"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 8, 2008 2:23 PM
"Old Emerson's proceeding with his 'trundle down' approach."
Posted by: Sam L. | December 8, 2008 2:32 PM
"I never knew that we all have 20-30 pounds of currency in our colons until I saw Dr. Proctoski. He takes 15%, and it's a win-win all around!"
Posted by: Eddie | December 8, 2008 2:48 PM
"Wow, golden parachute! And here we were, in the intermediate planning stages of pulling a Columbine on the place."
Posted by: David John | December 8, 2008 3:00 PM
"Okay, so, one last time: when the judge says, `Put them here on my desk', we bring all these letters to Santa into the courtroom."
"Right."
"And then?"
"Then we yell out, `Natalie! Don't go on that boat 34 years from now, or Christopher Walken will skull-fuck and drown you!'"
"Gotcha - wait, what?"
Posted by: Damon | December 8, 2008 3:02 PM
"The strong 'charm of the slaw', hey, Barry ?!"
Posted by: Sam L. | December 8, 2008 3:03 PM
[The entry at 1:14pm, Dec. 8th is not mine. Someone is using the J.D. moniker to accompany redundant entries. I wish they would not do that.]
Posted by: J.D. | December 8, 2008 3:11 PM
"Genius, Sutton ! 'Under peoples' mattresses' ! Who knew ?!"
Posted by: Sam L. | December 8, 2008 3:16 PM
I never thought that line about my red wagon, laundry cart, and suitcase business being too big to fail would ever work, but boy howdy, did it ever!
Posted by: bunsen | December 8, 2008 3:17 PM
" 'Squeaking cash', Maurice ! S-Q-U-E-A-K-I-N-G ! Did I say 'leaking' ?! Did anyone here say 'leaking' ?! Now for chris'sake, grease the damn wheels !"
Posted by: Von Go | December 8, 2008 3:38 PM
"Oh shit, I forgot, that nuclear holocaust we had last month rendered all paper money worthless."
Posted by: David John | December 8, 2008 3:41 PM
Despite our humble beginnings, we ended up doing quite well for ourselves. I hope this fact will make women think twice before they choose to have an abortion.
Posted by: Urgh | December 8, 2008 3:46 PM
"When most people want to 'liquidate' their 'holdings', they have to go to a money bank. But then, most people aren't Peter North. Ha! Get it? Liquidity? As in, the famously prodigious quantity of my ejaculate? Which I sell to this sperm bank? For cartoonishly enormous profits? God, I love puns! It's like -- wait, wait, okay: When most people want to 'make' a 'deposit', they go to Wachovia..."
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | December 8, 2008 3:51 PM
"Our heads are actually not that small. It's just bad luck coming close to Lorenz's."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | December 8, 2008 4:02 PM
"You said it, 'Federico' : It takes more than LATIN to impress a dame these days !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | December 8, 2008 4:15 PM
"You know, Christine, I guess changing our minds about Bloomberg's third term wasn't so difficult after he explained it."
Posted by: J.D. | December 8, 2008 4:24 PM
" 'Green, how I want you green ! Green...MINE ! Green...BUNCHES' !"
Posted by: 'Federico Garcia Lorca' | December 8, 2008 4:37 PM
"I see your secret Santa gave you the same thing mine gave me."
"Nice of them to give us our severance packages in small, unmarked bills. I wonder where they got them?"
"Wasn't that swell of the boys in the mailroom to empty their pockets to help out the firm?"
Posted by: dave | December 8, 2008 4:50 PM
"So right, Packwood ! I mean, if only one of them were capable of a 'Monstra mihi pecuniam', it'd be something --but nooooooo !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | December 8, 2008 4:57 PM
"Did you catch the shitty movie with Annie Hall, Queen Latifah and Tom Cruise's daughter?"
Posted by: xjvpastor | December 8, 2008 5:19 PM
"You know, when I sent my money out to be laundered, I thought it would come back nicely pressed and folded and wrapped in plastic. Not crumpled and dirty and smelling like Mexican food."
Posted by: dave | December 8, 2008 5:28 PM
"I guess the drive back to Detroit will be slightly more fun."
Posted by: Richard H | December 8, 2008 5:44 PM
"I took a shit in Louie's money cart."
Posted by: Frankie | December 8, 2008 5:44 PM
"Lehman Brothers is the best place to work!"
(overheard July, 2007)
Posted by: Richard H | December 8, 2008 5:46 PM
"Hey I got the coffee today-
did you read where bread is $60,000.00 a loaf?"
Posted by: Greg | December 8, 2008 5:47 PM
"No, I think you have more than me. The dead kid takes up a lot of room."
Posted by: Lindy | December 8, 2008 5:52 PM
"I'm haunted by the face value of my victims."
Posted by: George | December 8, 2008 6:02 PM
"You paid for lunch last week. It's my turn, asshole!"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 8, 2008 6:05 PM
"Nuh uh, 'When you become a man, you put away childish things' ! They kidding ?"
Posted by: Von Go | December 8, 2008 6:10 PM
"Seven-figure bonus! My old man worked his whole life as a janitor to put me through business school. I wish he could be here with us to see this day. He's at home though."
Posted by: David John | December 8, 2008 6:28 PM
"Sometimes it just seems hilarious to me, how we destroyed the world economy with our greed and hubris, and now they have to give us even more money just to save their own asses. Then I think about how the government will likely recoup their investment over time, and how the repercussions for us include massive regulatory reforms the effects of which will be felt for generations, and suddenly it doesn't seem quite so hilarious. But it's still pretty funny how we haul the money around in these Radio Flyers."
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | December 8, 2008 6:41 PM
A trolley AND a briefcase! Thank god there ain't no-one here greedier than you Greg!
Posted by: Donny | December 8, 2008 6:51 PM
“They’re demanding a million dollars in one dollar bills plus bullets for their guns.”
Posted by: John | December 8, 2008 7:38 PM
"Fuck the taxpayers!"
Posted by: Steve_O | December 8, 2008 8:30 PM
"Since we're in Zimbabwe, all of this buys us one loaf of bread."
Posted by: Steve_O | December 8, 2008 8:33 PM
"Attaboy, Moroni ! The BERLIN Flyer was a tad outre', don't you know !"
Posted by: Von Go | December 8, 2008 11:32 PM
"I am daunted by the species of my rictus. ..But, hey, it's nothing to Smedley's ! What's up with that ?!"
Posted by: Von Go | December 8, 2008 11:54 PM
" 'Le cours' ici est obscene."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | December 9, 2008 1:08 AM
"I should be jealous that you get paid more, but really, at the end of the day, I'm just happy to not be blind."
Posted by: Brian L | December 9, 2008 1:15 AM
" Coito, C-O-I-T-O, ergo 'sums', hey, what ?!"
Posted by: Sam L. | December 9, 2008 1:45 AM
"Take this year's bonus money and distribute it to the less fortunate! Brilliant suggestion, Wilkinson! You've really taught us all a lesson about Christmas!"
Posted by: Joshua | December 9, 2008 1:51 AM
"I like my money like I like my women: a lot."
Posted by: Francis | December 9, 2008 3:52 AM
Guess where I hid some more?
Posted by: gnorisma | December 9, 2008 5:13 AM
Despite the flea in the carpet it was a great idea to lay off the cleaner lady.
Posted by: gnorisma | December 9, 2008 5:17 AM
Frank hasn't yet found out I crapped in his pile.
Posted by: gnorisma | December 9, 2008 5:21 AM
"Boy, I am so glad we work for Goldman & Freddy Fannie's Big 3 Autos."
"Why, yes... I DO love money!"
"I told you that printer was a great investment!"
Posted by: Johnny V | December 9, 2008 8:11 AM
"I'm sure glad I refresh Craigslist every two minutes."
Posted by: Francis | December 9, 2008 9:20 AM
Since someone beat me to "glad there are no black people here to see this," I'll go with"
"Tonight we dine in hell!" Only in this joke Hell is the name of the new Daniel Boulud. We only wish they were dining in hell.
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | December 9, 2008 9:46 AM
"It ain't heavy, it's my money."
Posted by: Francis | December 9, 2008 9:50 AM
"And Gonzalez goes, where are you taking it? And I say, to the ghetto to buy Christmas presents? And he says, I'll help. And then I said, Good, pull this cart behind us. Ha! Ha! It's like he just got a job in corporate America yesterday. Jeez I hope I can fit this all in my Jag. I hate making the help drive all the way in from Greenwich."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | December 9, 2008 9:54 AM
"I disagree. The open wagons will be fine since our business plan never calls for us to go outside where it might be windy."
"What need we fear who knows it, when none can call our power to account? Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so many Trojan wrappers in him?"
Posted by: RichM | December 9, 2008 10:11 AM
"Dunno, Jorge'. The 'Vuitton' makes you look awfully grown-up."
Posted by: Von Go | December 9, 2008 10:56 AM
"Strictly considered, this mostly skirts these new 'cash on hand' limits."
Posted by: Von Go | December 9, 2008 11:32 AM
"Right. Grabs the Porsche first thing the A.M. Sticks me with this. ..You talking 'tuition' ? Look, November 3, day before election, come to find my slack-jawed son 's wining and dining this cutesy Obama staffer over at some weird ethnic Indian restaurant. ...She 's putting on this 'Orphan Annie' look for him, don't you know ! So's inevitable he's looking at Harvard now. ...Oh, yeah !"
Posted by: Sam L. | December 9, 2008 12:44 PM
"That's right. Called boss a 'skinflint'. Has him up for 'loss of support'...or worse !"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 9, 2008 1:10 PM
"As God is my witness, I shall never be hungry again !"
Posted by: Scarlett O'Hara | December 9, 2008 1:40 PM
"Do you think we'll win the senate seat? I've always wanted a senate seat."
Posted by: Deborah | December 9, 2008 2:01 PM
"I cannot bring these girls around, Although I match you as I can. I string a wife along, that's sly -All weirdly 'tranced'. ...What's not to scan !"
Posted by: 'Malice' Stevens | December 9, 2008 2:40 PM
"Mine? I'm buyin' me Obama's old Illinois senate seat- but I can't seem to reach Governor Blagojevich."
Posted by: LV | December 9, 2008 2:42 PM
"Exact words : 'Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabris, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam !"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 9, 2008 3:04 PM
"What a bunch of morons? I can't believe we tricked all those chicanos into thinking De La Hoya even had a chance."
Posted by: Friz | December 9, 2008 3:09 PM
"You know, I don't feel so bad about stealing 2 million dollars from the Salvation Army. It's just that I keep seeing that little girls face when I ripped this little red wagon from her hands and punched her in the nose. The blood started pouring down her face. And she just stared at me. No crying, just looking at me with that river of blood rolling down her spongebob dress."
Posted by: Friz | December 9, 2008 3:26 PM
"I'm so glad we work for a bank and not for some literary publication whose only form of escapism is to combat their upper-middle class guilt with blaming it all on the richest of the rich and make snooty little cartoons about greed and its excessiveness."
Posted by: Friz | December 9, 2008 3:30 PM
"Trickle-down, is clogged up."
Posted by: R.C. | December 9, 2008 5:46 PM
I KNEW when they nominated Paulson I should have gotten a bigger wagon.
Posted by: boneguy | December 9, 2008 7:05 PM
Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world
Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world
Posted by: Dave | December 9, 2008 7:15 PM
"Working for Parker Brothers is fun. Let go get the hotels and we can start assembling the game sets."
Posted by: Dave | December 9, 2008 7:22 PM
"They say 'You can't take it with you.' Well, fuck 'em -- I'm takin' it with me!"
Posted by: Dave | December 9, 2008 7:27 PM
Wilbur took great satisfaction in knowing he was hauling more greenbacks than Dick and Peter combined.
Posted by: Dave | December 9, 2008 7:34 PM
"This much cold hard cash sure buys a lot of hot soft pussy, eh Eliot?
Posted by: Swaption | December 9, 2008 8:03 PM
"And all we had to do was carpool to Washington."
Posted by: Pandyora | December 9, 2008 9:38 PM
"Why are we smiling? Nobody takes cash anymore. Fucking retro company."
Posted by: TBill | December 9, 2008 9:50 PM
"If the girls won't gag on our dicks, we'll make them choke on our money, honey!"
Posted by: Nigel | December 9, 2008 9:54 PM
"My guilt is mitigated by the fact that we are all sinners before God. Especially you Fienstein."
Posted by: mort drucker | December 9, 2008 10:00 PM
"This brazen embezzlement is like stimuli on top of stimuli. And the crazy strippers still await!"
Posted by: mort drucker | December 9, 2008 10:08 PM
"Man, it's great being an elder of Zion!"
Posted by: David | December 9, 2008 10:25 PM
"Ha ha ha. Halliburton is hemouraging profits again. And look, the cartoonist is even named Cheney! It wouldn't surprise me if it were the real Cheney. They say his powers are near infinite and that he has a special lair miles below the earth's surface where he broods and schemes all matter of darkness and evil."
Posted by: mort drucker | December 9, 2008 10:37 PM
"So I'm thinking since we're already like 99 % evil, let's murder old Tompkins, take his cut and build a giantic offshore meth lab and get everyone addicted. It's a win win. Of course we'll need more suitcases and wagons for the cash. And a glass hulled boat would be good too."
Posted by: mort drucker | December 9, 2008 10:59 PM
"I fart money."
Posted by: Rob | December 9, 2008 11:05 PM
"This "Bring A Friend To Work Day" is a great idea!"
Posted by: Greg | December 9, 2008 11:14 PM
"DON'T turn around and give him the satisfaction..I can GUARANTEE you that there are all singles underneath that top overflowing pile..."
Posted by: Greg | December 9, 2008 11:17 PM
"Gotta get here early to get the big cart."
Posted by: Greg | December 9, 2008 11:18 PM
"Biggie was wrong. More money equals fewer problems."
Posted by: Alex | December 9, 2008 11:33 PM
"Fuck anyone who says politics in Illinois isn't fun!"
Posted by: Richard H | December 9, 2008 11:53 PM
“Our new human energy vehicles seat $15 billion comfortably.”
Posted by: John | December 10, 2008 7:13 AM
"Blah blah blah blah corporate bailouts! Ha-ha-ha!"
Posted by: John Tabin | December 10, 2008 10:01 AM
"I love this synagogue!"
Posted by: John Tabin | December 10, 2008 10:03 AM
"Yee haw ! Whoa here !...How you like your new 'Cerberus', my man ?"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 10, 2008 11:42 AM
"Load off the old mind, now the Pope's signed off on this....Of course he'll need his cut."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 10, 2008 11:54 AM
"Thank the Good Lord that Mayor Bloomberg has continued the racist Giuliani policy of denying young black and hispanic men their Fourth Amendment rights. Now we whiny little white guys can convey to our homes the huge sums of cash we've gouged from the masses in such a remarkably open way and perceive that it is safe to do so. And while it smacks of corporate fascism, I am thrilled that Mayor Mike has used his $20 billion media empire fortune to buy a third term and defeat the twice-expressed will of the electorate to maintain term limits."
Posted by: J.D. | December 10, 2008 11:58 AM
"There's many a grip between some yucks...and Europe."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Yeah, buddy, but it's worth it to get to stay in Fred Thompson's place during the inauguration.
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 10, 2008 12:46 PM
I know it's a lot of money, but seeing that guy with the giant laundry cart make out with five times as much has left me feeling a little hollow inside. So, to answer your question, yes, once we drop off our stupid little red wagons in our offices, we must murder him.
Posted by: John | December 10, 2008 12:53 PM
"To each according to his habilment, to each according to his 'threads', hey Ricco ?!"
Posted by: Sam L. | December 10, 2008 1:40 PM
" 'Wannas'...'Wannas' who 'Move paper'...Are the pluckiest people...In the world...We're handsome..Really....handsome.."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 10, 2008 2:06 PM
"Grip, hell ! There's many a GRIFT between a yuck...and Islip !!"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 10, 2008 2:18 PM
"New car, caviar, four star daydream. Think I'll buy me a football team...You?"
Posted by: P. Floyd | December 10, 2008 2:49 PM
"I grant you --but there's many a PAGE between 'alleged' and umbrage...some consolation !"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 10, 2008 4:26 PM
"People...People who 'bleed' people...Are the pluckiest people...In the world...We're 'Skillings'.."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 10, 2008 4:56 PM
"I'm wearing adult Depends in case I crap myself from happiness."
Posted by: mort drucker | December 10, 2008 5:37 PM
"Yeah ! Good ! 'Pockets' Shelby 's playing hard to buy."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 10, 2008 5:47 PM
Mo money, mo problems, right Hustla?
Posted by: Dirk | December 10, 2008 8:44 PM
"Mine died of AIDS. What did yours die of?"
Posted by: Hector | December 10, 2008 10:08 PM
"Can you spare some change? I need bus fare."
Posted by: mypalmike | December 10, 2008 10:37 PM
"Ain't no life like a pimp's life, fool"
Posted by: JayC | December 10, 2008 10:37 PM
[In a parallel universe]
"And after we give back these millions in unjustifiable bonuses to the investors, we'll apologize for running the company into the ground. Being honest and having integrity makes me so much happier than all this ill-gotten money."
Posted by: mypalmike | December 10, 2008 10:46 PM
I can finally afford to go to The Men's Warehouse and you can finally afford a shampoo with your crop top at SuperCuts.
Posted by: JayC | December 10, 2008 11:54 PM
"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me so hard"
Posted by: Dirk | December 10, 2008 11:57 PM
just think of it, a few of these bills could have helped thousands upon thousands of cholera victims in Zimbabwe. funny things is, i'm taking my stack to the tranny bar where a lady boy is going to hook up an enema bag full of liquid Xanax right to my rectum.
Posted by: Dirk | December 11, 2008 12:09 AM
Lawyers in Love: "Well, this will all come in handy on our honeymoon, won't it, Jerry? Man, it's like I always say: The only thing those Mormons are more than stupid and backward is rich."
Posted by: Vance | December 11, 2008 1:14 AM
"Robbing Peter AND Paul! Why didn't I think of it before?"
Posted by: Jared | December 11, 2008 11:36 AM
"You kidding me ?! New Orluns snowfall ?! We lookin' at 50 cent snowball souvenirs here -- 'creased over time !....Be the making of us !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | December 11, 2008 12:49 PM
"The only difference between a man and a boy is the size of his 'toy'....except in your case, 'shriveled, limp penis'!"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 11, 2008 1:54 PM
"I fucking love 'Steal-The-Interns-Lunch-Money' Fridays..."
Posted by: MShaw | December 11, 2008 2:43 PM
"Uh, well, I ,too, hate to call on good folks in this way, in view of, well, today's economic situation - but, well, gosh, so many of our 'Ronald Reagan Memorial Sites' are somehow facing, you see, well, these 'increasing threat-levels'....It's a shame...........Poor 'Ronnie'."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 11, 2008 4:46 PM
['De mortuis nil nisi bonum dicendum est'. - A True-Blue Reagonite]
Posted by: Anonymous | December 11, 2008 5:49 PM
".................."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 11, 2008 5:51 PM
"I believe the govonor is expecting us, Michael...or should I say 'Senator Corleone?'"
Posted by: al in la | December 11, 2008 6:25 PM
"No, McConnell's offices are down here to the right, SHELBY is to the left.....spatially, that is."
Posted by: Sam L. | December 11, 2008 6:33 PM
"Riffed, fired, laid off... who the fuck cares? How much health care do you think we can get with $1200 dollar bills each?"
Posted by: Doofus | December 11, 2008 7:09 PM
"Amazing score! But we gotta pinky swear, next time, more than 3 out of 10 of us make it out alive."
Posted by: David John | December 11, 2008 9:24 PM
"Fuck Shelby and McConnell ! We'll go back through Vitter and try to break through that way........Whores aren't cheap, you know."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 12, 2008 10:29 AM
"No, we're still doing the federal bailout cartoon up here in the conference room, but now Simmons is going to the 48th floor to do the Blagojevich cartoon. We can still get it done, but everyone has to step up and take on a little more of the funny."
Posted by: Joshua | December 12, 2008 12:49 PM
"...and when he says 'I hate the fucking Yankees! I'd never play for them!' we pop in. A few seconds later Jenkins back there follows us. Then watch what happens."
Posted by: al in la | December 12, 2008 1:17 PM
"Soooey, pig !-- Pig ! Pig ! Pig ! --Soooey, pig ! ---Eaahah, pig, pig, pig ! -- Soooey, pig ! .........Fuckin' pigs !"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 12, 2008 2:38 PM
"The scores here are C 's green."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 12, 2008 4:28 PM
"When we walk past the security guard on the way out, just act nonchalant. If you seem nervous, he might suspect something."
Posted by: mypalmike | December 12, 2008 5:05 PM
[Unable to be seen within the office of Rep. 'Dollar Bill' Jefferson(La.)due to the continued censorship of The New Yorker magazine, one of the more shameless Washington lobbying operations is doomed to haunt forever the hallways of The House Office Building.]
Posted by: Sam L. | December 12, 2008 5:26 PM
My wife is having a baby. We're naming him Jim, after you. Because you've always been there.
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I only wish this weren't monopoly money.
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Man, woking in Zimbabwe is a drag.
Posted by: Charlie Y. | December 12, 2008 8:20 PM
Now that we've got our bailouts, let's go bust us some unions! Ye-haw!
Posted by: Meredith | December 12, 2008 8:27 PM
It is easier for a rich man to pull a wagon full of money through the eye of a needle, than for said rich man to enter the kingdom of God. Notwithstanding wait time attributed to abnormally large camels.
Posted by: Shawn | December 12, 2008 10:17 PM
Oh my god! You had sex with him? You silly bitch, you are sooo gay!
Posted by: Jimby | December 12, 2008 11:19 PM
"Why is everyone smiling? It's World Tiny Cranium Pickle Schnozed Ponzi Scheming Douchebag Day yet again and forever!"
Posted by: Kosmicki | December 13, 2008 4:43 AM
"That new partner sure delivers!"
Posted by: David F | December 13, 2008 10:49 AM
"I never thought being bailed out would be so much fun!" (Apologies to Carolita Johnson!)
Posted by: David F | December 13, 2008 10:55 AM
"It's not worth the paper it's printed on - well, actually it's not worth the 75% paper and 25% cloth it's printed on. Recycling center, here we come!"
Posted by: Algore | December 13, 2008 3:03 PM
"Huh ?! Well, that 'slope' replacing Representative Jefferson sure moves quick ! Damn ! You'd never guess to see it now, my man, what a 'seat of power' once held sway there, behind those very doors...uh, door ! Ah, 'mais ou sont les neiges d'antan ?', as the French have it ?"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 13, 2008 5:58 PM
"Michael Bloomberg is so stupid he accepts the absurd fairytale that two massive steel structures were pulverized and collapsed on their own footprints due to a low-temperature fire, and the third building, well, it just sort of had a spontaneous controlled demolition. Petite motherfucker's $5 billion turned into $20 billion since 9/11 though, just like Giuliani's net worth went from zero to $40 million. Haha -- like they say, comedy really is tragedy that happens to other people!"
Posted by: J.D. | December 14, 2008 10:39 AM
J.D.(above)is the obvious winner !
Posted by: Anonymous | December 14, 2008 11:58 AM
"As my old man always said: 'Why borrow when you can embezzle?'"
"Hank is a kick-ass secret Santa."
Posted by: MShaw | December 14, 2008 3:30 PM
Just cleaning up the trimmings and skimmings from my hedge funds.
Posted by: J. Dondero | December 14, 2008 5:49 PM
"No, you can not borrow my wagon. I'm using it."
Posted by: Vlad | December 14, 2008 5:56 PM
"Higgins has no idea that he's a cartoon character and that all his money is worthless."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | December 14, 2008 7:29 PM
"So, how's the wife and kids?"
Posted by: Dave | December 14, 2008 7:57 PM
"Did you hear about poor old Higgins? Apparently he was paid in U.S. currency."
Posted by: Dave | December 14, 2008 8:01 PM
"Didn't some fucking frog once say, 'It's not easy being green?'"
Posted by: John | December 14, 2008 9:29 PM
Look at how much money we got from the new reparations rebate pretending to be 1/16 black.
Posted by: Big Baby Jesus | December 14, 2008 9:58 PM
Can you believe management gave in to John Corbett's asking price for another Applebess voice over?
Posted by: Big Baby Jesus | December 14, 2008 11:09 PM