The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #157
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Results after the jump:
Winner:
"What? Sorry, I couldn't hear you. Did you just scream?" — Alan Weld
Finalists:
"This is fucking terrible wine." — Trotman
"It's just stick-on wallpaper; you can get it anywhere." — stcoleridge
Honorable Mentions:
"Then we're agreed. The revised list of official planetary names shall now read: Mercutits, Penis, Earthgina, Farts, Poopiter, Assturn, Uranus, and Nepboobs. All in favor?" — Mr. Sad Head
"For a parallel universe it sure looks diagnol." — mort drucker
"I swear, when I look out on this I feel like God himself. Except for the fact, of course, that I actually exist." — Steve_O
Comments
Nice acid!
Posted by: Tom | August 18, 2008 1:32 PM
They're all there except Pluto. I fucking hate Pluto.
Posted by: therblig | August 18, 2008 1:37 PM
"Eleanor left me last week. She said she needed less space."
Posted by: dwilk | August 18, 2008 1:44 PM
My decorator said edgy and I'm like, fuck edgy I'm paying you and he's like well I have a vision and I'm like, you pay for your own fucking vision and then we got into a major fist fight and I got knocked in the head and when I came to this was my living room it was like trading spaces on drugs you know that episode where the people start screaming "put everything back aaahh!" except I think I'll keep it so here we are, more wine?
Posted by: simsburybear | August 18, 2008 1:49 PM
"Why are you just sitting there? That crack on the floor is getting bigger by the month!"
"If you think the screen saver is cool, wait till I pop in this snuff film I just made! I mean bought."
Posted by: WillM | August 18, 2008 2:01 PM
Saturn looks like a hotdog in a hamburger bun because it IS one, and I know because I've been there. Anybody else want some more absinthe?
Posted by: Mark | August 18, 2008 2:12 PM
"The space mural makes this room seem very large."
Posted by: John Tabin | August 18, 2008 2:26 PM
Sure it's a lot of stairs, but I think the view is worth it.
Posted by: pessimist | August 18, 2008 2:28 PM
he said Uranus
Posted by: pessimist | August 18, 2008 2:29 PM
"This wallpaper really doesn't accurately represent the whole 'My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas' thing. But I guess, in hindsight, that doesn't work anymore with Pluto gone.
Posted by: The Baroness | August 18, 2008 2:30 PM
It's said in space they can't hear you scream. That's why I brought that cunt with the makeup caked on like a trollop up here and broke her fucking arm. Thinning hair my ass.
Funny story... it turns out I could hear her just fine.
Posted by: pessimist | August 18, 2008 2:33 PM
Our interior designer says walls are so 2007.
Posted by: Astrid | August 18, 2008 2:39 PM
"Channeling Carl Sagan, channeling Carl Sagan ! Do you read me, Carl ? ...Over!"
Posted by: Sam L.. | August 18, 2008 2:41 PM
"Cable company sucked. So we went with satellite."
Posted by: Richard H | August 18, 2008 2:42 PM
"This is fucking terrible wine."
Posted by: Trotman | August 18, 2008 2:43 PM
"One day we were driving down the road behind Planet Earth and we thought, what the fuck, let's just move to Venus, leave everything behind except a couch and a couple of chairs, perhaps a non-functional lamp, and of course, some wine glasses and a case or two of Merlot."
Posted by: Richard H | August 18, 2008 2:44 PM
"Boy, the universe background in this living room really makes the lamp next to me seem insignificant and pointless."
Posted by: Trotman | August 18, 2008 2:45 PM
"Boy Ted, I gotta say; from an angle, your wife really bears a resemblance to a snowman."
Posted by: Trotman | August 18, 2008 2:47 PM
"It helps me keep America's decline in perspective. I couldn't keep running to the Hubble website."
Posted by: Sam L.. | August 18, 2008 2:49 PM
"Fran and I saw this great documentary on PBS and thought: why shouldn't we be the ones to colonize Titan?"
Posted by: Richard H | August 18, 2008 2:49 PM
"It's starting to rain. We should probably go inside."
Posted by: Deborah | August 18, 2008 2:49 PM
"I met Buzz Aldrin once. Nice guy."
Posted by: Trotman | August 18, 2008 2:49 PM
yeah, it's a total bitch to clean.
Posted by: pessimist | August 18, 2008 2:50 PM
"Z'rbtron? Please! Gl'rbnox is the most skilled anal prober!"
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | August 18, 2008 2:55 PM
It was as diagonal as anything he'd ever seen. (H/T - Rubrick)
Posted by: Deborah | August 18, 2008 2:59 PM
"We eliminated all our clutter. But in the process, we created a ton of space debris."
Posted by: Richard H | August 18, 2008 3:02 PM
"Ow! It's raining planets!"
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | August 18, 2008 3:03 PM
It seemed appropriate, my being a shoemaker named Levy and all.
Posted by: therblig | August 18, 2008 3:05 PM
"When we divorced, Number Six not only stole my DNA and copied every memory from my brain for some Cylon experiment. She also took the house."
Posted by: Richard H | August 18, 2008 3:06 PM
"Gentlemen, as you can see, Mr. Bunyan has severe buttock acne."
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | August 18, 2008 3:07 PM
"Sorry about the varnish fumes. If you're feeling nausous, don't worry. All vomit will be sucked discreetely into space!"
Posted by: mort drucker | August 18, 2008 3:11 PM
"The hours here are sidereal"
Posted by: Rubrick | August 18, 2008 3:21 PM
"My flat screen TV is so fucking huge I had to level half the solar system to install it properly. So enjoy."
Posted by: mort drucker | August 18, 2008 3:30 PM
Last night we saw two Martians fucking.
Posted by: Urgh | August 18, 2008 3:37 PM
"...and never again did I see a hooker bleed like that. Nope. So, how long do we have to wait here in purgatory before we get the call from 'upstairs'?"
Posted by: MAtt | August 18, 2008 3:39 PM
"Good luck breathing in about three minutes."
Posted by: mort drucker | August 18, 2008 3:39 PM
And then Hawking says, "Perhaps then they will have seen into the mind of your interior decorator". Funny guy, Hawking.
Posted by: therblig | August 18, 2008 3:43 PM
And on the 12th day God created Swedish furniture.
Posted by: Mo Buck | August 18, 2008 3:47 PM
"When you wrote and said you'd 'met a chick', we didn't take you literally. ..Frankly, Horace, you're disgusting !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | August 18, 2008 3:49 PM
"Captain's Log, Stardate: 08.18.2008. We've ---- run out --- of --- cheez-its."
Posted by: Mo Buck | August 18, 2008 3:57 PM
The planets are aligned. Let's orgy.
Posted by: Jessica | August 18, 2008 4:00 PM
"I don't give a damn what he said ! A straight line is still the shortest distance between two points ! Screw Einstein !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | August 18, 2008 4:14 PM
"Well, gentleman, I say we end this miserable fucking experiment we call 'the universe' and hit the titty bar. The idiots on the third planet from the star in the center of this solar system are on the verge of accidentally discovering inter-dimensional travel, what with all that super-collider atom smashing they do, and I don't want one of them knuckle-draggers dating my daughter."
Posted by: MAtt | August 18, 2008 4:17 PM
"I'm positive I've seen your new 'boyfriend' somewhere before, Dottie. Hmmm ? Sempe', was it ?"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | August 18, 2008 4:25 PM
"Saturn hell ! That's 'Munchies' ! Think I'm lying, check 'International Star Registry.com' !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | August 18, 2008 4:41 PM
Funny story. Through circumstances I won't go into, I was granted one wish. So, I wished for the Mount Palomar experience. How could the genie have known that Palomar is my Mexican houseboy? I guess the joke's on me.
Posted by: therblig | August 18, 2008 4:54 PM
"Oh, that ! It's named BUSH...dimmest of the four thousand some-odd visible stars in our nighttime sky...nice twenty-twenty, by the way !"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 18, 2008 5:03 PM
"Interplanet Janet? No, we've never had her over."
Posted by: Keith | August 18, 2008 5:14 PM
"In space, nobody can hear you scream your secretary's name while you're tapping your wife's ass."
Posted by: Damon | August 18, 2008 5:19 PM
Do you feel poor yet? Because I can take you to the spaceport and fly you to one of those planets if you still think it isn't stupid to say "we're both rich."
Posted by: Charles | August 18, 2008 5:28 PM
Almost perfect. We're suing the contractor over the jagged crack in the floor.
Posted by: Charles | August 18, 2008 5:29 PM
"I use comets to keep my solar system tank sparkling clean."
Posted by: MAtt | August 18, 2008 5:34 PM
Nope. No children. Turns out Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids. And no, it's not because it's cold as hell - it's the lack of good schools.
Posted by: therblig | August 18, 2008 5:35 PM
"So I said, 'MILE High Club?!!!... Fuck that! I got one better!"
"....Okay... some people also call me Maurice."
"Dave?... Uh, Dave? Earth to Dave?!"
"...so I said, 'Move?! Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!"
Posted by: Johnny V | August 18, 2008 5:37 PM
"Boring frigin' diatoms nowadays. ..'Oceanic warming', no doubt."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | August 18, 2008 5:42 PM
"It made more sense with the baby velcroed to the wall, but then the neighbor called Children Services and let's just say they aren't big Kubrick fans over there."
Posted by: Stoo | August 18, 2008 5:43 PM
"Boring frigin' diatoms nowadays. ..'Oceanic warming', no doubt."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | August 18, 2008 5:43 PM
"Actually it's strips of wallpaper! Now that you know, be honest: do you notice the edges?"
Posted by: Stoo | August 18, 2008 5:51 PM
"The nearest urinal is one hundred billion light years away."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | August 18, 2008 6:23 PM
"All the World's a stage except for those that can't act like Keanu Reeves or Ashton Kutcher."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | August 18, 2008 6:38 PM
So you see, there is a hot dog at the center of the universe.
Posted by: Samej | August 18, 2008 6:44 PM
"And to think, if not for my Avodart prescription, I would never have gotten this finished in time for the gala."
Posted by: znufrii | August 18, 2008 7:15 PM
"After a few more glasses of wine, I predict the next Big Bang will happen right there on the love seat."
"The neighborhood really declined when the black holes moved in. And the black ho's."
Posted by: LV | August 18, 2008 7:18 PM
Great, a black dwarf star. There goes the neighborhood.
Posted by: Seabendy | August 18, 2008 7:21 PM
"Let's pretend it's the 1970s. I'll start. 'Say, have you been down to see those hideous World Trade towers yet? Looks like the boxes the Empire State and Chrysler Buildings came in. Seriously, somebody should blow that nasty shit up. Hahaha.'"
Posted by: J.D. | August 18, 2008 8:07 PM
"When the moon is in the 7th House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars,
Then peace will guide the planets,
And a well-hung, cutie-pie bisexual will live in the White House. Oh grow up you know it's true."
Posted by: J.D. | August 18, 2008 8:30 PM
"Yeah, the lamp is solar powered."
"Where did it come from? Well to be honest, we're not sure."
Posted by: lav | August 18, 2008 9:10 PM
"Our last house was much closer to the Earth, but they Harriet got buyer's remorse."
Posted by: Richard | August 18, 2008 9:15 PM
Sorry - that should have said "but THEN Harriet got buyer's remorse."
I can explain the reference if anyone's interested. Go to my site, get my e-mail address, and e-mail me.
Posted by: Richard | August 18, 2008 9:18 PM
"Why yes, I suppose it does make one feel small and insignificant. And thanks for the buzz kill you pompous ass."
Posted by: mort drucker | August 18, 2008 9:29 PM
"Helen says it makes my dick look iddy biddy."
Posted by: Nodie | August 18, 2008 9:37 PM
I love all the extra space. Plus no one can hear the screams of my victims.
Posted by: Steve_O | August 18, 2008 10:39 PM
Okay, you "aliens." Enough with the stargazing. Who wants the first anal probe?
Posted by: Mork | August 18, 2008 10:41 PM
The realtor said this location would give me lots of space and...OH GOD! THERE'S NO OXYGEN! MY LUNGS ARE FILLING WITH BLOOD!!!
Posted by: Steve_O | August 18, 2008 10:43 PM
Planets aren't good feng shui? Well, he can feng shui my yin yang, I told 'em.
Posted by: Mork | August 18, 2008 10:47 PM
...and then shortly after I bought it, I realized I was agoraphobic.
Posted by: Audrey_B | August 18, 2008 10:49 PM
"Boy I tell you what, I wouldn't mind having a crack at that Heidi Montag."
Posted by: J | August 18, 2008 10:53 PM
"....the landlord said he was just going to put a peephole in. Well, you can imagine how I gave him a piece of my mind when I saw this. He's said he'll have it taken off the rent."
Posted by: Greg | August 19, 2008 12:01 AM
"....howsa 'bout I show you MY UFO...Unidentified
FLY Object..."
Posted by: Greg | August 19, 2008 12:08 AM
"....after a while, vast blows."
Posted by: Greg | August 19, 2008 12:09 AM
"No offense, but I kind of thought heaven would be more exciting than this."
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | August 19, 2008 12:40 AM
"We woke up this morning and all the world was a stage. Don't fall into the orchestra pit."
Posted by: Brian L | August 19, 2008 1:31 AM
"Now, you shall witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle davenport!"
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | August 19, 2008 1:40 AM
"I admit I enjoy the free booze, the shrimp puffs, rubbbing elbows with big shots...It's a great sky box, Chad...but I can't see the fucking game."
Posted by: al in la | August 19, 2008 2:29 AM
What? Sorry, I couldn't hear you. Did you just scream?
Posted by: Alan Weld | August 19, 2008 5:29 AM
Twat? I cunt hear you.
Posted by: Alan Weld | August 19, 2008 5:31 AM
"Yes, Nora, they are well hung."
Posted by: dwilk | August 19, 2008 7:28 AM
"I can't see the TV from here."
"Sir, we can't just invade Saturn for fun and tell people we did it to spread Democracy throughout the universe."
Posted by: JohnnyB | August 19, 2008 7:45 AM
"Eventually, Ground Control will stop trying to contact me and I can live in peace here in my 'tin can', far above the world."
Posted by: JohnnyB | August 19, 2008 7:49 AM
"Remember when the dark side of the moon was affordable for artists? Those were the days."
Posted by: J.D, | August 19, 2008 9:07 AM
If you think this window was expensive, wait until I tell you how much the curtains are gonna be!
Posted by: Greg Urbaitis | August 19, 2008 10:24 AM
"I'm haunted by the phases of Neptune."
Posted by: LR | August 19, 2008 10:26 AM
"Steven, you are such a big silly, I said George has a really nice 'deck.' By the way, doesn't Saturn remind you of the time we had sex with a volleyball?"
Posted by: djack | August 19, 2008 10:42 AM
"I hope you can all join me on Sunday night for a small Laser Floyd gathering."
Posted by: Francis | August 19, 2008 10:48 AM
"I don't know how you got the building inspector to sign off on this 100 foot high deck without a guardrail, but man, the view is spectacular! Now, where did our little Jessica go...?"
Posted by: mypalmike | August 19, 2008 12:03 PM
"Well, it's 9:30. Has anyone heard anything from God? That is so typical. Fine, fuck it, we're starting the orgy without Him."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | August 19, 2008 12:19 PM
"You promised us Peter Gabriel. Where the fuck is Peter Gabriel?!?!"
Posted by: jim M | August 19, 2008 12:25 PM
I asked my decorator for a sense of space.
Posted by: Michael M. | August 19, 2008 12:48 PM
Ironically, I used to have photos of my rabbi's naked ass while he prepared olives and cherries. But I got tired of staring at the moons of Jew pitter.
Posted by: therblig | August 19, 2008 1:10 PM
Did you know it was illegal to masturbate in a planetarium? Well, consider this is my big f-you to them!
Posted by: Stoo | August 19, 2008 1:36 PM
"....and try to find a decent pizza!"
Posted by: Greg | August 19, 2008 1:51 PM
"How 'bout them 'THRUSTERS'!"
Posted by: Von Go | August 19, 2008 1:51 PM
"So, what do you say we move to the bedroom?"
Posted by: Joshua | August 19, 2008 2:27 PM
"Nemo & Family, I presume?"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 19, 2008 2:37 PM
"Jesus Christ, Ted....EVERYONE can see your vagina...cross your legs for god's sake."
"Great Idea, Newt....we charge those ignorant bastards a $150 just to tell them they are special and have a star named after them! HA! And we'll be the ones laughing all the way to the bank!"
"Over there. In the corner. Who the fuck would do that? Squiggle on my floor and just leave it there."
Posted by: JungleCat | August 19, 2008 3:47 PM
I lifted up mine eyes, and as at morn The oriental part of the horizon Surpasses that wherein the sun goes down, Thus, as if going with mine eyes from vale To mount, I saw a part in the remoteness Surpass in splendor all the other front........as best as I recall.
Posted by: Sam L. | August 19, 2008 3:49 PM
"...and the big planet up there is Jupiter. It was a real mess, but the maid FINALLY got the big red spot removed from its surface!"
"No, the lamp doesn't work! Do you see an outlet anywhere, Einstein?!??"
"So, THIS is heaven?! And the chairs don't even recline?!?"
Posted by: Johnny V | August 19, 2008 4:34 PM
"We like to kick back here and just stare at the cosmos. And then we drink them."
Posted by: mypalmike | August 19, 2008 4:51 PM
Host:"The Good Lord must really love whites because HE 's making so many of them."-- Guest 1):"Sexist!" Guest 2)"Godist ! "Guest 3)"Bigot-- Nice 'attention-surfeit array'(ASA), though."
Posted by: Von Go | August 19, 2008 5:20 PM
"The space suits? All that zero-gravity bull shit? I realize now they're just a ruse to discourage black people from attempting space travel...More TANG anyone?"
Posted by: al in la | August 19, 2008 5:30 PM
" And when he said the space probe was near my....err...Uranus, I fucking lost it! "
Posted by: Dr. Sumguy | August 19, 2008 6:31 PM
"Don't ever hire a decorator wearing a hearing aid. I told the son of a bitch I wanted plants all over the place!"
Posted by: dwilk | August 19, 2008 7:58 PM
"So, Carl , tell us again -- how many stars, planets and galxies are there?"
Posted by: Dave | August 19, 2008 8:30 PM
"One million five hundred fifty-three thousand two hundred and ten... One million five hundred fifty-three thousand two hundred and eleven... Hey, don't interrupt me, I'm counting the stars! Aw, SHIT! (Sigh) One...two...
three..."
Posted by: Dave | August 19, 2008 8:42 PM
"I can't draw and I can't write captions. What else did you expect?"
Posted by: Dave | August 19, 2008 8:45 PM
"Come to think, I'd better check see if those 'idiots' drove my acquarial sheet-piling below the sand-stratum. ....We don't need no 'New Orleans' around 'heah'."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | August 19, 2008 9:06 PM
"BILLions and BILLLLLions ! ...Cut it ,von Braun ! You know that was Carson."
Posted by: Von Go | August 19, 2008 9:21 PM
"They used to call me 'dinky loft', but I showed 'em!"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | August 20, 2008 12:01 AM
"Bob, Bob, Bob. Bob, where'd a guy like you get such a fine looking snowman, Bob? Heh, heh, heh, heh. Bob, no offence intended, I think you're a swell guy. Yes, I do!"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | August 20, 2008 12:04 AM
"Actually, the Planet of the Apes is at the restoration studio just now. Planet of the Gaboon Vipers is just a loaner."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | August 20, 2008 12:05 AM
"Fine, I stole a paring knife last time I was here. You had what, four paring knives? And I didn't have any? I thought we were friends."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | August 20, 2008 12:08 AM
"Bacon bits? Bacon bits! You watch out, I can eat a whole can at once! Bring it on, tough guy!"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | August 20, 2008 12:11 AM
Listen, Dale. You didn't invent IMAX, okay? I read an article about it, and you just didn't. Greg knows it, I know it, the lamp knows it. I think this has all gone a bit too far.
Posted by: Al Capp | August 20, 2008 1:14 AM
Yeah, after each planet was demoted we erased it from the wall.
Posted by: Brian L | August 20, 2008 1:18 AM
It took a while to get used to, but now I can't get to sleep without watching the silent blistering implosion of dying stars. Also, some Sudafed PM helps.
Posted by: Al Capp | August 20, 2008 1:26 AM
"Some see celestial bodies suspended in the heavens and glory in the numinous wonder of existence. I see God's diarrhea."
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | August 20, 2008 2:30 AM
"Did I mention Uranus?... Not the planet, sweety!"
Posted by: Johnny V | August 20, 2008 8:35 AM
Ok, now that we're all in agreement, we've got to get ourselves back to the garden.
Posted by: therblig | August 20, 2008 9:24 AM
"Forty two billion star systems, and there's never anything worth watching!"
Posted by: Richard | August 20, 2008 10:20 AM
We specialize in planatarium foreclosures.
One look at this view and I gave up wearing women's shoes.
Posted by: boneguy | August 20, 2008 10:56 AM
If you like free screen-savers it is OK, however the pop-up ads every two minutes get tedious, and although this ad for Wienerschnitzel is iffy, the ad for Preparation H is digusting, I mean what's to like about a giant,glowing Uranus? glowing
Posted by: Fred M | August 20, 2008 11:24 AM
(corrected copy) If you like free screen-savers it is OK, however the pop-up ads every two minutes get tedious, and although this ad for Wienerschnitzel is iffy, the ad for Preparation H is digusting, I mean what's to like about a giant, glowing Uranus?
Posted by: Fred M | August 20, 2008 11:25 AM
You would think with windows this large, the bathrooms would be bigger.
Posted by: Fred M | August 20, 2008 11:27 AM
"McCain ! McCAIN ?? ..Darn ! O.K., CAIN - 2011 ! Do I have to spell EVERYTHING out for you idiots ?! ('CAIN' & ABEL) -('CAIN'- enable)! ...'END OF TIMES'? Duh ! Darn nincompoops ! ... ..........So what brings you here ?"
Posted by: Von Go | August 20, 2008 12:53 PM
"Then we're agreed. The revised list of official planetary names shall now read: Mercutits, Penis, Earthgina, Farts, Poopiter, Assturn, Uranus, and Nepboobs. All in favor?"
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | August 20, 2008 1:52 PM
"....so, he said, we'll go at night! hahahahaha."
Posted by: Greg | August 20, 2008 9:17 PM
My God, it's full of stars!
Posted by: Vlad | August 20, 2008 10:02 PM
"Indoor rock climbing sure takes up a lot of wall space."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | August 21, 2008 12:46 AM
You can gripe about these armchairs all you want, Hank, but do you really have any idea how hard it is to match suedes? Do you?
Posted by: Al Capp | August 21, 2008 12:54 AM
I swear, when I look out on this I feel like God himself. Except for the fact, of course, that I actually exist.
Posted by: Steve_O | August 21, 2008 2:06 AM
Yes, yes, you've told us. You did it in six days. And frankly, if you ask me, it looks rushed.
Posted by: Steve_O | August 21, 2008 2:07 AM
Whoa! Just look at it coming down! I would say it's raining cats and dogs outside but, actually, I guess it's more like pie plates and hot dogs. Shit, I think my windows are down. Wait, I don't even own a car. I had to sell it, along with the walls and roof of my house, to pay for this snow shovel. Took me a while to balance it like that, so don't move around a lot, OK?
Posted by: Alan Weld | August 21, 2008 5:30 AM
"For then ye saw through a glass, darkly, but now face to face: then ye knew in part, but now shall ye know even as also I am 'KNOW-IT-ALL'. ....More 'Sang de JESUS', anyone ?"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | August 21, 2008 11:36 AM
"You upon the left now from her removed That father was by whose audacious taste The human species so much bitter tastes ! --Incest: bad !!!! Upon her right we have that ancient Father Of Holy Church, into whose keeping 'chris' The keys committed of this lovely flower. --Way to go, 'Baldy' !"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 21, 2008 12:50 PM
Whoa ! "Marvelous gorilla" ! 'God's country', too ! According to every calculation, it was totally, absolutely impossible that any ma. ...uh,that is, person...telling such a joke, could later ever be elected president ! Go fig... uh, re-figure, PETER !
Posted by: Sam L. | August 21, 2008 1:50 PM
"And the last shall be first; and the worst shall be best !"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 21, 2008 2:08 PM
"...and none of these teetotalers, either, Peter ! Frigin' 'turbanheads' !"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 21, 2008 2:47 PM
"...proving one thing, of course: that 'Gorilla gorilla gorilla' is far more nearly related to 'Homo sapiens' than some people feel it 'respectable' to suppose--nothing McCain would ever let out....except maybe before a 'fund raiser'-- frankly !-- of idiotic 'republic' males !"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 21, 2008 3:16 PM
"my realtor said 'I found you an apartment with lots and lots of lines, like you wanted, but how do you feel about planets?'"
Posted by: Grizz;y Dad | August 21, 2008 3:52 PM
"Seems a little empty without the giant toaster, and other assorted oversized appliances."
Posted by: J.D. | August 21, 2008 4:18 PM
"Dick, Lynne, Laura, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of four little people don't amount to a hill of Iraqi children with their limbs blown off in this crazy world ..."
Posted by: J.D. | August 21, 2008 4:30 PM
"Wow, great! This Mile High Resort 's smashing ! To go by the approach, O.K., sure, anyone 'd think this was, what, some suburban Levittown dump-- the frump in curlers that way, greeting new arrivals in her bathrobe. Go figure ! Later, not so much ! ..So yeah, I've been here since June 2. ..You ?"
Posted by: Von Go | August 21, 2008 8:20 PM
"For a parallel universe it sure looks diagnol."
Posted by: mort drucker | August 21, 2008 9:53 PM
"Pass the pignolle nuts and could you change the channel to that Grand Gignol documentary -- EEK, a capagnol!
Posted by: J.D. | August 22, 2008 1:10 AM
You mean campagnol, right?
Posted by: Anonymous | August 22, 2008 1:13 AM
"Maybe one day scientists will invent a decent sugar substitute, but probably not."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | August 22, 2008 1:36 AM
Did I say "Pass the planets?" I meant, "Pass the peanuts"!
Posted by: Billy Congo | August 22, 2008 1:53 AM
"No, it's a mural, Karen, and these aren't real planets just like those aren't real breasts."
Posted by: dwilk | August 22, 2008 7:25 AM
"In the vacuum of space, Sally's blowjobs are out of this world."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | August 22, 2008 7:40 AM
"Is that the Universe in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | August 22, 2008 8:29 AM
"It's just stick-on wallpaper; you can get it anywhere."
Posted by: stcoleridge | August 22, 2008 11:34 AM
"No, I don't know how many houses I own. ...In my wife's portfolio there are ma.. ur, quite a few mansions. ..So why don't you just go $&#$ off, you little jerk ?!"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 22, 2008 1:43 PM
"So you showed me Uranus. I'm still not showing you my penis."
Posted by: The J Man | August 22, 2008 1:48 PM
George Lucas ain't got shit on this!
Posted by: JungleCat | August 22, 2008 2:07 PM
George Lucas ain't got shit on this!
Posted by: JungleCat | August 22, 2008 2:08 PM
"Divine blah blah divine blah blah divine blah! It's the 'commedia', stupid!"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 22, 2008 4:32 PM
"Divine blah blah divine blah blah divine blah! It's 'the commedia', stupids !"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 22, 2008 4:33 PM
"Good, now tell me, did you see Pluto more interestingly with the absinthe, or perhaps a little bitt.. uh, I mean, better, with that peyote...with the peyote or with the absinthe? .....Boy, good man, that Huxley !"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 22, 2008 5:06 PM
"Enjoy yourselves and drink freely. Just don't pass out without a drink buddy, because if you're still here in the morning you'll be burnt to a crisp. The furniture, meanwhile, is flame retardant."
Posted by: Mike F. | August 22, 2008 8:41 PM
"2001...2011. He was pretty fucking close."
Posted by: Mike F. | August 22, 2008 8:43 PM
"And then I asked our decorator if he could give us an open concept and the fucker moved us to Mars."
Posted by: Dave | August 22, 2008 8:58 PM
"Thank you. Yes, these ARE the most comfortable chairs. But what I'd really like is a nice coffee table."
Posted by: Galoux | August 23, 2008 12:14 AM
"It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."
Posted by: Joshua | August 23, 2008 12:45 AM
"The original concept was early bowling alley. And that's what we got. Minus the pins, and the setter, and the ball returns, of course. Oh, and well, yeah, the whole solar system seems to be converging on the north wall. But basically the concept is still early bowling alley."
Posted by: Bou | August 23, 2008 12:54 AM
"My moon is in Saturn. Wanna see?"
Posted by: Joshua | August 23, 2008 12:59 AM
"Fuck the homeless."
Posted by: Tom M | August 23, 2008 4:42 AM
"Yeah, yeah, yeah--we're already familiar with the anus joke."
Posted by: David F | August 23, 2008 12:53 PM
"I would remind you that extremism in offense of 'globulism' is no vice ! And let me also remind you that moderation in offense of fussiness is no virtue ! .....And they call Obama eloquent ?!"
Posted by: Von Go | August 23, 2008 1:20 PM
"Say, coming over you'll never guess who we bumped into. ...Yeah, Clarke's boy! Baby, really. ..Slimy little bastard!"
Posted by: Von Go | August 23, 2008 1:52 PM
"Can you direct me to your bathroom, my good man?"
"Damn if Shakespear wasn't right! All the world IS a stage... and we are actors on a very deserved break!"
Posted by: Johnny V | August 23, 2008 4:57 PM
"Very impressive Preston, but I'll trade you my hemorrhoids for your asteroids anytime!
Posted by: Namby | August 23, 2008 10:40 PM
"Precisely! 'A drama-queen'! But now it's all mine. ...THE STRONGER, anyone ? Hortense's favorite, ironically....by Strindberg. More champagne?"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 24, 2008 12:43 PM
"So yeah, This play is called 'The Feast of Crispian'! He that outlives this play, and goes safe home, Will stand to a Cosmo when our play's recalled, And rouse him (he!he!) at the thought of Crispian ! --We few, we happy few, we banned of brothers! ; For he today that shares his 'goods' with me, Shall be my brother,be he n'er so vile!"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 24, 2008 1:20 PM
"Call yourselves 'dramatis personae'?! Botched lines, total non-verisimilitude of vocal expression all night . Face it,the only 'star stuff' we got going here we share with pigs ! ....So I ask you, are we just some frigin' chemicals, some these frigin' 'strings' whatever , or are we artists ?! ....Sherlock ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 24, 2008 2:03 PM
"I strolled into a 7-11 in Cleveland.(I was in the mood for a slurpee). The clerk criticized my mid-western accent and kicked me out of the store."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | August 24, 2008 2:18 PM
"Clearly the Universe loves us. At least until we splat up against it."
Posted by: Mike F. | August 24, 2008 2:40 PM
"Uh, excuse me, would you, Walker ? Just a moment, please. ........Uh, 'Barb', wasn't little 'Georgie' to be wearing a 'rebreather' (CCUBA) ? ..Unless that's a dirty word...."
Posted by: Sam L. | August 24, 2008 3:38 PM
I don't know where we'll move to when the kids piss off these neighbors!
Posted by: Glime | August 24, 2008 4:45 PM
"You know what they say, 'Less manna, more manner!'"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 24, 2008 7:24 PM
"Big load off my mind, 'Precious'! Huge load ! Let me tell you, my worst 'thought-cloud' has been your dragging home someone by Koren ! Sempe', Mordillo, fine."
Posted by: Sam L. | August 24, 2008 8:34 PM
'Yes, Kara Zor-el, we are indeed fortunate that when the planet Krypton exploded, a fragment of the planet containing Argo City remained intact, and we had the foresight to build a giant dome to contain the amtosphere we breathe. But we are unfortunately that the dirt beneath our feet turned to deadly kryptonite, we have had to cover it with these planks of lead, which makes if awfully difficult to grow any plants to freshen the atmosphere and provide us with food to eat."
Posted by: Richard | August 24, 2008 9:09 PM
"Apophis: A-P-O-P-H-I-S, dummy, not Atropis ! Okay, I knew the switch to Greek would be too much for you nitwits ! Horus, see if you and Aten maybe together can grow enough brain to put A-P-O-P-H-I-S back where I, Re, had it ! .. I mean, yeah, the mills of the gods grind slowly, but come on, 3642 A.D ?! And one more thing ! Ditch the damn Greek ! 'Apep', A-P-E-P, from now on ! Got it, 'Apep'!"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 24, 2008 9:37 PM
"Fixes him ! Yeah, I'd like to see that 'cabbie' get up The Club now ! You remember-- except you, 'Hill', new open policy and all, since April (ha! ha!)..yeah, day before taxes, one these Mex ..us exclusive, too..I mean Mex, like that !"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 24, 2008 10:54 PM
The critics called us mad when we restructured to focus on our adhesive-backed, glow-in-the-dark solar system applique unit. But thanks to global warming, the night sky has been all but obliterated, and we my friends are going to be very, very rich. To us!
Posted by: Shawn | August 25, 2008 12:22 AM
"Great closing ceremony, huh guys?...And how about being invited to see it from a bamboo platform on top of the largest human pyramid ever assembled?...I must say the Chinese know how to treat their marketing partners."
Posted by: al in la | August 25, 2008 2:30 AM
"Ye it behooves to take another road", Responded he, when he beheld us weeping, "If from this savage place ye would escape." ....Yeah! ..Were we having ? NOOOOOOOOOO !!"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 25, 2008 10:45 PM
Is that supposed to be a signature
Posted by: Penis the Menace | August 26, 2008 3:41 PM
Is that suppossed to be a signature? Cuz it looks like an indigenous drawing of an anal shark orgy!
Posted by: Cryogenically Frozen Head | August 26, 2008 3:43 PM
I absolutely adore this large futuristic space port windows. But fuck lamps, I mean c'mon its stardate 3002. And look at these fucking chairs, they're still just microfiber. I mean, I expect some fucking ass cheek levitation devices or some shit. Fucking Chinese!
Posted by: Obama Shakur | August 26, 2008 3:56 PM