The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #146
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"I can't tell you how many times I masturbated to that yellow caution sign showing you and your sister crossing the street. What ever happened to her?" —djack
Finalists
"Naturally you'll be paid a stick figure salary." —al in la
"Here's the plan: you and your fellow robots will pass unnoticed among the humans until you receive my command." —Arthur
Honorable mention
"So you spent the last six months as a back alley abortionist?" —Gary Goldsmith
"Sorry about the chemo. It's good to see you smiling again, though." —Deborah
"Do you have any disabilities that would prevent you from performing the duties of the job I just described?" —John
"So it says here that you're a vegan..." —Blake
"I like how you make me feel so big and complicated. Good job." —kosmicki
"You're hired! Good to see someone with the know-how to truly make our Web site 'sticky.'" —Vance
Should-win-the-real-contest bonus
"Looks like the jury might not hang you after all! In fact, if they guess 'L' you should be home free." —Brian L
Comments
"Can you tell me about a recent stressful experience you had at work and how did you handle the situation?
Posted by: simsburybear | May 12, 2008 09:39 AM
And what would you say was your greatest weakness? Besides..uh...the obvious fact that you are a shiny, happy stick cartoon figure?
Posted by: simsburybear | May 12, 2008 09:41 AM
Tell me about a conflict with a co-worker. How did you handle it? Oh...saying nothing and grinning like an idiot..excellent!
Posted by: simsburybear | May 12, 2008 09:46 AM
Oh no...we'll call *you*...
Posted by: simsburybear | May 12, 2008 09:46 AM
"That's the longest stick dick I've ever seen. Uh, why exactly is there a phone on the end of it?"
Posted by: djack | May 12, 2008 09:47 AM
Your experience as a topless dancer will actually help you at this company.
Posted by: LK | May 12, 2008 09:52 AM
"So you're going to be reading for the role of Karen in our Carpenter's biopic. "
Posted by: David | May 12, 2008 09:53 AM
"Well, let me tell you, Ms. Kate Moss! Your star has not dimmed one bit!!"
Posted by: Kathy H | May 12, 2008 09:53 AM
Randall Munroe! So nice to meet you!
Posted by: Eric Berlin | May 12, 2008 09:54 AM
"Listen. Look at the schnoz God gave to Jamie Farr. So, in the end, it all evens out."
Posted by: Tim H | May 12, 2008 09:56 AM
I have to be honest, lol, right now it's a toss-up between you, wink, and rolleyes.
Posted by: therblig | May 12, 2008 09:57 AM
"Mr. Hammond! I’d know you anywhere from little Billy’s portrait of you."
http://www.cartoonbank.com/product_details.asp?mscssid=J5VFUQCCK5738N924PBPN8LK6LPQ3GUC&sitetype=1&did=4&sid=35270&pid=&keyword=drawing§ion=cartoons&title=undefined&whichpage=2&sortBy=popular
Posted by: JohnnyB | May 12, 2008 10:17 AM
"Honestly, your resume is a little thin."
Posted by: gary | May 12, 2008 10:21 AM
"Do you have any disabilities that would prevent you from performing the duties of the job I just described?"
"Johnson, I told you not to show up naked ever again. You're fired."
"You have a tumor. Fortunately we can just erase your liver and redraw it."
"You entire family has been rubbed out. The wife, kids, dog, tree, box-shaped house with triangle roof...everything... erased."
Posted by: John | May 12, 2008 10:24 AM
"Your resume is a little thin."
Posted by: David | May 12, 2008 10:27 AM
"Sorry, Gary. I posted that without refreshing first"
Posted by: David | May 12, 2008 10:28 AM
"I think you'll be very happy here, Mr. Xkcd."
Posted by: Francis | May 12, 2008 10:41 AM
Here's the plan: you and your fellow robots will pass unnoticed among the humans until you receive my command.
Posted by: Arthur | May 12, 2008 10:53 AM
"Sorry about the chemo. It's good to see you smiling again, though."
Posted by: Deborah | May 12, 2008 10:56 AM
"So! Tell me what you don't like about yourself."
Posted by: Deborah | May 12, 2008 10:56 AM
"Welcome aboard! I hope you'll stick around a long time. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I should just stick to the facts on your resume, which show a lot of stick-to-it-iveness. Hoooo hoo hee hee hee hee hee hee. Oh, I know, you must get that all the time."
Posted by: Francis | May 12, 2008 10:57 AM
"You're right - that's a great Todd Parr! Now do Botero."
Posted by: Deborah | May 12, 2008 10:58 AM
“Tell your father he can’t draw worth shit.”
Posted by: dwilk | May 12, 2008 11:01 AM
(1) "We are very impressed with your credentials and would like to offer you a position."
(2) "Your resume is impressive, but I'm afraid this job requires someone who has a nose and a pair of ears."
Posted by: Jacob C | May 12, 2008 11:04 AM
"You realize, of course, that if we hire you your first order of business will be to fire your predecessor, Mr. Smiley Face."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 12, 2008 11:10 AM
"Looks like the jury might not hang you after all! In fact, if they guess 'L' you should be home free."
Posted by: Brian L | May 12, 2008 11:11 AM
"I like how you make me feel so big and complicated. Good job."
"You see those still lives of eggs and various breakfast meats behind you? Well this is a non-stick kind of place. Get it?"
Posted by: kosmicki | May 12, 2008 11:16 AM
"Mr Hertzfeldt I am afraid your spoon is just too big for our newspaper."
Posted by: Brian L | May 12, 2008 11:18 AM
"Which one of the Olsen twins are you again?"
Posted by: jim M | May 12, 2008 11:19 AM
"I can't tell you how many times I masturbated to that yellow caution sign showing you and your sister crossing the street. What ever hapened to her?"
Posted by: djack | May 12, 2008 11:20 AM
"I've been considering getting a computer. What do you think, stick person?"
Posted by: Francis | May 12, 2008 11:28 AM
"And for how long were you Rick James's coke spoon?"
Posted by: jim M | May 12, 2008 11:35 AM
"Johnson! Thank goodness! I locked my keys in my car! Would you give me a blowjob?"
Posted by: J | May 12, 2008 11:36 AM
"I'm glad to hear things are improving. However, I am going to reduce your Paxil dosage just a bit to try to curb those side effects."
Posted by: mypalmike | May 12, 2008 11:42 AM
"I see you're pleased with the gastric bypass surgery our hospital performed."
Posted by: David John | May 12, 2008 11:50 AM
And that's your final payment. Congratulations, your student loan is fully repaid! Please stop at reception on the way out to reclaim your hair, internal organs and skin.
Posted by: gary | May 12, 2008 11:55 AM
I'm so sorry, no... three points form a plane. Two only get you a line -- or in your case, a stick.
Posted by: Sean Steele | May 12, 2008 12:07 PM
"Since you're lacking internal organs, I'm afraid you're uninsureable. But I'll be damned if you don't put a smile on my face!"
Posted by: Dan McCoy | May 12, 2008 12:14 PM
"I see that you graduated with honors. But what exactly is magna cum doodle?"
Posted by: mypalmike | May 12, 2008 12:15 PM
"You're hired! Good to see someone with the know-how to truly make our Web site 'sticky.'"
Posted by: Vance | May 12, 2008 12:19 PM
"Here's a position that's almost perfect for you - slipping through keyholes and tiny crevices to retrieve valuable information! Neat, huh? Only reason I say 'almost' is that it will require cutting off your balloon-like head."
Posted by: Vance | May 12, 2008 12:21 PM
"Wow, who knew Karen Carpenter and that Jack In The Box guy had a kid?"
Posted by: David John | May 12, 2008 12:30 PM
"Quick! Say something funny. It's obvious Radosh only reads the 50 entries!"
Posted by: al in la | May 12, 2008 12:38 PM
"I'm sorry, but we're looking for a schtick figure."
Posted by: Tim H | May 12, 2008 12:49 PM
"Stick around!"
Posted by: mr. pickycapellit | May 12, 2008 12:57 PM
"I see here you're no stranger to prison, yet you've never finished a sentence- what's up with that?"
"You're more than qualified for CFO, but I really need you as a hanger for my jacket right now."
Posted by: LV | May 12, 2008 01:16 PM
I'm just throwing this out, but maybe you shouldn't have called him an illegal wetback.
Posted by: Melissa | May 12, 2008 01:36 PM
We lost our air hockey puck and were wondering if we could use your head?
Posted by: boneguy | May 12, 2008 01:41 PM
"Great!How soon can you climb up inside my ass?"
Posted by: Glenn | May 12, 2008 01:42 PM
Your qualifications are fine, I just don't think we reasonably accommodate your need for a happy meal every day.
Posted by: Weller | May 12, 2008 02:27 PM
Please give my regards to Mrs. Fece and all the little Feces.
Posted by: boneguy | May 12, 2008 02:33 PM
Frankly, you're the only applicant who's been able to fit, what with the 6" clearance between the chair and the wall.
Posted by: therblig | May 12, 2008 02:40 PM
"And 'have a nice day' to you, too!"
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | May 12, 2008 03:17 PM
"Oh my gosh! I've never seen anything like this! ... Oh, please excuse me for staring. ... It's just that I just now noticed that the doorknob over there is in the middle of the door!"
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | May 12, 2008 03:20 PM
"I see from your résumé that you used to pose for L S Lowry."
"Fuck me, this acid is the BOMB!"
"From this report I'd never guess that you'd try hanging yourself Mr. H_NG__N"
"Can you start Monday?"
Posted by: Dave W | May 12, 2008 03:21 PM
"You are one skinny annoying fuck."
Posted by: J.D. | May 12, 2008 03:22 PM
“You’re always around young children. That’s a big red flag with me pal!”
Posted by: dwilk | May 12, 2008 03:27 PM
"Marcy? Can you come in here and clear away this stick figure I made? I've decided it's no substitute for a dead business partner of twenty-one years after all."
Posted by: David John | May 12, 2008 03:36 PM
"Congratulations. I think you'll be a perfect fit here at the Acme Pipe Cleaner Company."
Posted by: J.D. | May 12, 2008 03:36 PM
"It turns out Timmy's little drawing violated several copyrights which you will be entitled to."
Posted by: reid savid | May 12, 2008 03:39 PM
"Next time bring your brother -- I LOVE the idea of painless double penetration."
Posted by: J.D. | May 12, 2008 03:43 PM
"For a skinhead you are remarkably tolerant."
Posted by: J.D. | May 12, 2008 03:45 PM
"It says here Mr. Washington that you admire Michael Jackson, Star Jones and Andrew Carnegie. Can you explain?"
Posted by: J.D. | May 12, 2008 03:49 PM
"You can smile all you want, Mr. Jones -- I can see right through you!"
Posted by: Dave | May 12, 2008 03:50 PM
"I'm utterly amazed that your neck hasn't snapped!"
Posted by: Dave | May 12, 2008 03:52 PM
"Do you arrive naked to every job interview, Mr. Peters?"
Posted by: Dave | May 12, 2008 03:53 PM
"Well, I guess someone missed the 'Annoying Fucking Smiley-Faces Need Not Apply' sign"
Posted by: Crales | May 12, 2008 04:01 PM
"I'm afraid we can't hire you at this time. You see, we expect everyone here to help shoulder the work -- and since you have no shoulders..."
Posted by: Dave | May 12, 2008 04:03 PM
"(Hmmm... no nose, so he won't be nosey... no ears, so he can't eavesdrop...no clothes, so he can't pocket important secrets...) Mr. Stickly, I believe you're just the type of person we're looking for here at SleazeCorp."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 12, 2008 04:08 PM
“Really? You were born in Pencil...vania. That’s really funny, ASS...HOLE!”
Posted by: dwilk | May 12, 2008 04:11 PM
I suppose if the New Yorker would ever spring for color, I could say I don't blame you for your "jaundiced" view of the world. But that's not the case, so let me just say that the hours here are obscene.
Posted by: therblig | May 12, 2008 04:27 PM
We here at United Mortuary Services, are eager to move in an exciting new direction and we think you're just the man to take us there.
Posted by: therblig | May 12, 2008 04:35 PM
...and why do you believe you are ready for parole?
Posted by: seth | May 12, 2008 05:14 PM
"Well maybe you think you'd make a good pole dancer, but we need someone with bigger tits."
Posted by: GilbertBob | May 12, 2008 05:17 PM
"Just one more question: What's brown and stick-figurey?"
"The hours here are Auschwitzian."
"Mr. Stick, I must say, I envy you. Unlike me, you've never had to experience the unpleasantness of a sunburned nose."
Posted by: Rubrick | May 12, 2008 05:27 PM
"I have no doubt you're ready for the job. But the question remains: are you Rapture Ready?"
Posted by: Rubrick | May 12, 2008 05:31 PM
Your credentials are perfect, but I'm looking for a receptionist with bigger tits.
Posted by: steven | May 12, 2008 05:37 PM
“We do hire pencil necked geeks, but not ones with your carbon footprint.”
Posted by: dwilk | May 12, 2008 05:49 PM
"Of course I'd recognize you anywhere! My daughter in kindergarten keeps a picture of you on our refrigerator!"
"I don't know if you are the right fit for us, or just drawn badly."
(Thinking to himself) "I can spot a sucker a mile away!"
"Mr. Smiley, I'm afraid we have to let you go... and I am glad you are taking it so well. On your way out tell 'Crudely Drawn Idea Lightbulb' to come in. He's being replaced by 'Crudely Drawn Spiral-topped Lightbulb'. Gosh, it's hard on us all trying to keep up with the times!"
Posted by: Johnny V | May 12, 2008 05:49 PM
“No, Dachau breath, we’re looking for sticktoitiveness.”
Posted by: dwilk | May 12, 2008 06:10 PM
Keep on tawkin, Mr. Bigtime. Keep on tawkin and I'll just keep on smilin. G'ahead. Tawk bout ya bigtime office and ya bigtime suit and ya bigtime super model goilfriend. Old Liney's got mesself m'own plans. Bigtime plans.
Posted by: seth | May 12, 2008 07:01 PM
"It turns out Timmy's little drawing may be considered libel."
Posted by: reid savid | May 12, 2008 07:31 PM
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
Posted by: Glime | May 12, 2008 07:50 PM
"God I wish they would fix the air conditioning. My back is sweating so much I'm going to have to ask for a new chair"
Posted by: dead_elvis | May 12, 2008 07:58 PM
"Your hired Mr.Earless! Audiology needs you right away. Pardon me. Do you wear glasses?"
Posted by: Dr Sumguy | May 12, 2008 08:08 PM
"I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it...I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this... with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet...I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't -- you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one."
Posted by: Glime | May 12, 2008 09:32 PM
The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.
Posted by: therblig | May 12, 2008 09:36 PM
Don't worry, the headless figures on my left are just for motivating the team.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | May 12, 2008 09:52 PM
"I'm telling you Fred, if this guy can even remotely whistle far and wee then I am looking at our queer balloonman."
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | May 12, 2008 10:22 PM
I'm sorry, the position has been filled.
Posted by: will | May 12, 2008 10:22 PM
"I, too, really enjoy a French farce, but I wouldn't necessarily have included it on my resume'."
Posted by: Greg | May 12, 2008 10:33 PM
"Hey..say you're "green" and you got the job."
Posted by: Greg | May 12, 2008 10:36 PM
"Mr. Hiresomeonewhocan'ttakeyourjob says, "You are all we've been looking for and then some."
Posted by: Greg | May 12, 2008 10:40 PM
"There are some downsides: These cloud shaped rooms do tend to feel a bit claustrophobic, and a disgruntled former employee carved his name into all the desks. Still interested?"
Posted by: Dainers | May 12, 2008 11:54 PM
"Trust me kid, you'll never get work in a New Yorker cartoon looking like that."
Posted by: al in la | May 12, 2008 11:55 PM
I'll be happy to represent you. You have an excellent case. Your likeness is being used without your consent all over the internet.
Posted by: Ace | May 13, 2008 12:53 AM
You've got the ultimate supermodel body. Now we just need to get your face out there.
Posted by: Ace | May 13, 2008 12:58 AM
"I appreciate that you'd be willing to work through lunch every day, but I really don't think that's necessary."
"No, frankly it's your bizarre, spidery fingers that are REALLY freaking me out."
"Hell, my KID coulda hired THAT..."
Posted by: Leppo Softboy | May 13, 2008 01:16 AM
No, it's just that this is the first time the agency has faxed over the applicant.
Posted by: B'nai tha K | May 13, 2008 01:54 AM
"Uh-oh... what are you doing with your leg... mhmmm..."
Posted by: telemaciek | May 13, 2008 06:15 AM
"Naturally you'll be paid a stick figure salary."
Posted by: al in la | May 13, 2008 06:29 AM
"...and you realize if we do hire you to be Mr. Met, you'll need to put on a few pounds and paint red stitches on your head."
Posted by: al in la | May 13, 2008 06:37 AM
"And what's more, I can tell you're definitely a stickler for details."
Posted by: Hennie | May 13, 2008 06:42 AM
"Spaghetti, you crazy bastard, how the hell are you?"
Posted by: John | May 13, 2008 08:31 AM
"Sure! Business casual is fine around here."
Posted by: shadysidelantern | May 13, 2008 10:44 AM
"Who does your hair?"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | May 13, 2008 10:45 AM
"Your resume says you have a nose for news."
Posted by: shadysidelantern | May 13, 2008 10:47 AM
"...and as my assistant, it will be important that you don't try to overshadow me."
Posted by: shadysidelantern | May 13, 2008 10:49 AM
"Wow, they said you wouldn't be able to launch a new career in wind energy after all that time in electrical, but I gotta say, the makeover is perfect!"
Posted by: Vance | May 13, 2008 10:50 AM
"You're not wearing pants, are you?"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | May 13, 2008 10:50 AM
"Wire you here today?"
Posted by: LR | May 13, 2008 11:46 AM
"Boy am I relieved to find out you're not black."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | May 13, 2008 12:28 PM
"I don't care about the DNA evidence. What I care about is what they jury will say, and I'd bet anything on not guilty."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | May 13, 2008 12:32 PM
"This is how a laptop works. You open the top, and it has a screen built-in!"
Posted by: Jimby | May 13, 2008 01:12 PM
"So, this is what it's like to be in a storyboard for 'The Office.' Let me guess-- you must be the secretary? How can I tell? It's that subtle and secretive wry smile you're sharing directly with the camera that gives you away."
Posted by: Jimby | May 13, 2008 02:34 PM
"So, I have the results of your personality compatibility quiz from our dating service. And it says here that you would make a excellent match.... and that's it."
Posted by: Jimby | May 13, 2008 02:35 PM
"Sure, you're all smiles now. But I bet your wife would love to see the happy moves you're puttin' on this lady right here in this flipbook."
Posted by: Jimby | May 13, 2008 02:36 PM
(I'll use up my fifth to edit my last one ...)
"Sure, you're all smiles now. But I bet your wife won't be smilin' when she sees the happy moves you're puttin' on your lady friend in this flipbook."
Posted by: Jimby | May 13, 2008 02:49 PM
"I've called you in to let you know - and I'm surprised you haven't figured this out yourself - you've been downsized."
Posted by: stcoleridge | May 13, 2008 02:49 PM
" One might say you came out of Jacks wife's box! How do you feel about that? "
Posted by: Dr Sumguy | May 13, 2008 03:10 PM
"With a face like that, I'll bet you just bowl the women over!"
Posted by: Dave | May 13, 2008 03:11 PM
"I'll pencil you in for next Thursday at 9:30."
Posted by: Dave | May 13, 2008 03:12 PM
"I've decided not to hire you. Know why? Because you make me feel FAT!"
Posted by: Dave | May 13, 2008 03:14 PM
"I believe we could use you here at Walmart. Do you have any acting experience?"
Posted by: Dave | May 13, 2008 03:18 PM
"I warned you not to let all this fame go to your head."
Posted by: Dave | May 13, 2008 03:22 PM
"For a person with your physique that's quite a grip you've got on the table, Chief."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 13, 2008 04:10 PM
"So, what is that? SPF 300?
Posted by: Tim H | May 13, 2008 04:16 PM
"So far, so good. Now, one last task: Let's see if you can play that lyre at the end of my desk."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 13, 2008 04:21 PM
The posting clearly said "no fatties!"
Posted by: PLW | May 13, 2008 04:39 PM
So you spent the last six months as a back alley abortionist?
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | May 13, 2008 05:26 PM
"Wow! When you start a task you really stick to it. How did you figure it out?"
"You're fully qualified for the position, but the secretary is a recovering anorexic and you make her self-conscious."
"Dammit, you've got AIDS! Think you can stop smiling for just one freakin' minute?"
Posted by: MAtt | May 13, 2008 05:27 PM
For some strange reason I suspect that you aren't wearing any pants.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | May 13, 2008 05:29 PM
Lastly, do you have any skeletons in your closet that could be seen with the naked eye?
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | May 13, 2008 05:34 PM
"I'm sorry, I can't hire a secretary who doesn't have any tits. I'm not paying you to stare at your that stick you call a chest all day."
Posted by: sody pop | May 13, 2008 06:08 PM
damn typos. that last one should have read:
"I'm sorry, I can't hire a secretary who doesn't have any tits. I'm not paying you to stare at that stick you call a chest all day."
Posted by: sody pop | May 13, 2008 06:09 PM
"I guess we can skip the question about why you think you'd be a good Holocaust reenactor."
Posted by: sody pop | May 13, 2008 06:11 PM
"Your hands are remarkably thick for a stick figure. Do you masturbate a lot?"
Posted by: sody pop | May 13, 2008 06:12 PM
The dummy in place, Mr. Jeffries's Ferris Bueller fantasy was close to fruition. All he needed now was a teenaged girl and a developmentally-disabled best friend, and he knew just which correctional facility to kidnap them from.
Posted by: sody pop | May 13, 2008 06:17 PM
"Well, you've got absolutely no tits and, I'm guessing, no ass. I mean none. Remarkable. But I just can't argue with 15 years of experience."
Posted by: Dave | May 13, 2008 06:35 PM
"Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."
Posted by: Glime | May 13, 2008 07:04 PM
"I know, Jerry, that you are as human as the rest of us, if not more so."
Posted by: Glime | May 13, 2008 07:08 PM
I admit it, this is a convincing plan to get this gigantic desk out of my office so that I can leave without climbing over it. You have an excellent sense of two-dimensional space.
Posted by: Charles | May 13, 2008 07:46 PM
"I can help but notice that for a thin guy, you have monstrously large knuckles."
Posted by: David | May 13, 2008 10:47 PM
Hubba hubba!
Posted by: Blake | May 14, 2008 12:59 AM
So it says here that you're a vegan...
Posted by: Blake | May 14, 2008 01:02 AM
Why yes, my desk size is a status symbol.
Posted by: Blake | May 14, 2008 01:05 AM
It seems that on your application form, you left your gender blank... would you mind standing up again, please?
Posted by: Blake | May 14, 2008 01:07 AM
"I'm really excited about this 'Personal Search' method you've patented. So you're just gonna dive right into this manuscript and find the word defenestrate, right?"
Posted by: Vance | May 14, 2008 02:06 AM
"So for the past ten years you've been a nude model for an elementary school art class?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | May 14, 2008 09:10 AM
"My last assistant quit because I farted so much, so the fact that you don't have a nose is a big plus. Pull my finger.... (lengthy pause). Still smiling blankly? That's great! Can you start tomorrow?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | May 14, 2008 09:14 AM
"Mr. Stick? Figures."
Posted by: Tiberius | May 14, 2008 10:30 AM
"Somehow I thought that my imaginary friend would be...I dunno...meatier."
Posted by: Tim H | May 14, 2008 01:28 PM
"To be frank, Frank, we're looking for someone with a little more substance."
Posted by: Dave | May 14, 2008 01:37 PM
"By the way, don't cross your legs; we have a very strict Fire Code around here."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 14, 2008 01:50 PM
"You've got it all: the short hair cut, small chest, pre-pubescent face. But our modeling agency does have weight policies. Could you lose 10 or so from your head?"
Posted by: Brian | May 14, 2008 02:23 PM
"I'm sorry. You don't have an outtie bellybutton. If you were black, we could hire you."
Posted by: Brian | May 14, 2008 02:27 PM
"Is your head lemon flavored?"
Posted by: Cynthia | May 14, 2008 02:49 PM
"You are correct. This isn't the first time someone has called me a fat ass."
Posted by: Tim H | May 14, 2008 03:13 PM
"Feel free to run your fingers over the surface of my desk. It's very shiny."
Posted by: Rubrick | May 14, 2008 04:16 PM
"'Close Encounters' is one of my favorite movies. Tell me, what's Richard Dreyfuss really like?"
Posted by: R.K. | May 14, 2008 04:16 PM
"Miss Welsch! Of course I am interested! Boom Stick-a Wah Wah... Stick-a Wah Wah!"
Posted by: Johnny V | May 14, 2008 06:56 PM
This reference says you're a dirty, rotten whore. Your hired!
Posted by: J. Brown | May 14, 2008 08:27 PM
This reference says you're a dirty, rotten whore. And we're always looking for fresh talent here at the Dirty Rotten Whore Group.
Posted by: