The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #140
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"They're called Conestoga wagons because--uh-oh, air raid." —TGGibbon
Finalists
"Well, look a-yonder! Seems the ingins got em'selves an event planner." —al in la
"We could've made the Def Leppard concert up ahead, if you hadn't slowed us down with all your 'proper burial' bullshit." —David John
Honorable mention
"Yee-ha! Them there's the lights of Los Angeles, porn capital of the world. It's just like Horace Greeley said: 'Go west, hung man!' Or was it 'Go breast, hung man'? That seems like the kind of crappy pun that Horace would make." —Francis
"How the hell are we supposed to film our Wild West movie, which takes place in the 1800s, when the spotlights from various Hollywood parties are clearly visible in the background?" —John Tabin
"There's Goldwyn. In them thar hills." —Walt
Comments
"Peyote-ayti-eeti-eyeti-ohti-oo!”
Posted by: Deborah | March 31, 2008 9:37 AM
"Hey, Ma, you asked me to wake you up when we got to Sodom!!"
Posted by: Tim H | March 31, 2008 9:44 AM
Hey, nice place for a whorehouse...
Posted by: simsburybear | March 31, 2008 9:45 AM
Chuckie Goes West
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 31, 2008 10:00 AM
So far this is going well. I guess Donner knows what he's doing.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 31, 2008 10:01 AM
Looks like giants having a spirited conversation out of frame.
Posted by: therblig | March 31, 2008 10:02 AM
We'll be able to get materials for our cabin at the new Ikea that just opened up there over the ridge.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 31, 2008 10:02 AM
“Hooo-doggies! We made it in time for the Grand Opening!”
Posted by: dwilk | March 31, 2008 10:06 AM
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius, the age of Aquariuuuuus! Aquarrrriuuuuus! Aquarrrriuuuuuus.
Posted by: TMo | March 31, 2008 10:17 AM
We're not going to make it through those giant chopsticks. Wake the kids and tell them that we love them.
Posted by: Clambone | March 31, 2008 10:25 AM
"Welcome to Ugly-town. Population: Us."
Posted by: MAtt | March 31, 2008 10:26 AM
"Ghost Riders in the Sky... hey, that's us!"
"What I love about heaven is that you can live out any fantasy you want for the rest of eternity... except, of course, that it has to take place on clouds."
"Uh oh... we thought those flaming arrows from the Sioux were bad... looks like the Zunis have those new super-powered wide-beam lasers. Dang it."
Posted by: Vance | March 31, 2008 10:45 AM
"Oooh! Let's hope it's a car dealership!"
Posted by: stcoleridge | March 31, 2008 10:47 AM
"Oh no! Spotlights! The American West must have already been settled!"
Posted by: John Tabin | March 31, 2008 10:54 AM
"Vegas, baby, Vegas! Get it? Like in that movie? Nevermind."
Posted by: John Tabin | March 31, 2008 10:55 AM
"How the hell are we supposed to film our Wild West movie, which takes place in the 1800s, when the spotlights from various Hollywood parties are clearly visible in the background?"
Posted by: John Tabin | March 31, 2008 11:00 AM
"Oh no, the three stagecoaches in front of us have clearly come unhitched from their horses! Odd, then, that they would still be so evenly spaced."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | March 31, 2008 11:13 AM
"They said I'd never amount to anymore than a stupid rodeo clown. Well, now look at me!"
"Check it out! I can the Smithum woman gettin' it on with a cucumber in the back the wagon. Mmm mmm, I'm having me some of that salad to-night!"
Posted by: MAtt | March 31, 2008 11:15 AM
"This here must be Colon Pass, yonder are the fiber optics."
Posted by: djack | March 31, 2008 11:19 AM
"Maybe if we follow those lights, we'll find the clitoris!"
Posted by: Francis | March 31, 2008 11:55 AM
"Holly Wooooood!"
"I don't know how my acting instructor got it wrong... I just said, 'Put me on the Stage, Coach!'"
"Yeee-Doggies! White skies at night... Too much peyote, all right!"
"Get a move on, you ol' nag.... What?... No, why would I talk to the horses?!? So... are you gonna get a move on?"
Posted by: Johnny V | March 31, 2008 12:12 PM
"Git out yer banjo, Pa, and play the five tones."
Posted by: jim M | March 31, 2008 12:13 PM
Ding-dang, I'll be dipped in dog shit! If it aitn't the Big City over yonder hills. Boy, I can't wait to get myself a crack whore pimp our wagon.
Posted by: rufy | March 31, 2008 12:27 PM
"Jared's people are signalling that he's off his diet, and conveying his shipments of giant pork chops is gonna make us rich, Ellie."
Posted by: LV | March 31, 2008 12:28 PM
"Yee-ha! Them there's the lights of Los Angeles, porn capital of the world. It's just like Horace Greeley said: 'Go west, hung man!' Or was it 'Go breast, hung man'? That seems like the kind of crappy pun that Horace would make."
Posted by: Francis | March 31, 2008 12:40 PM
"Enjoy it now, my friends, for when we get to Utah, acid will be off-limits."
Posted by: David | March 31, 2008 12:49 PM
Well, this is anachronistic as hell.
Posted by: therblig | March 31, 2008 12:54 PM
"Goddammit! I knew Gabby Hayes was trying to tell us somethin'!
Posted by: Kathy H | March 31, 2008 1:15 PM
"I dunno. That little shack back in Monument Valley is starting look mighty nice just about now."
Posted by: Tim H | March 31, 2008 1:18 PM
"Let's get a move on! We're almost late for the "Anachronistic Film Festival !!"
Posted by: Kathy H | March 31, 2008 1:20 PM
"They're called Conestoga wagons because--uh-oh, air raid."
"I'm Country/Western Tony Blair, motherfuckers!"
Posted by: TGGibbon | March 31, 2008 1:33 PM
"Hey, Ma! Hand me up my sarsaparilla. I ain't never seen the Aurora Borealis before!"
Posted by: Tim H | March 31, 2008 1:49 PM
You're sure I'm getting paid for drawing this? Man, I'm a jackass!
Posted by: Melissa | March 31, 2008 1:57 PM
"...the COLOURS!!!"
Posted by: junior | March 31, 2008 2:04 PM
"Well, dern, Sadie ! Tell -- whatzis, Brigham ? -- tell Brigham you 's busted it riding Dobbin a piece !"
Posted by: Sam L. | March 31, 2008 2:14 PM
"Well, I'll be. They're startin' my LASIK surgery wit'out me!"
Posted by: Kathy H | March 31, 2008 2:21 PM
"[Man, singing to self] When my get up and go has got up and went, I hanker for a hunk of cheese. Do you believe this traffic, Martha?"
Posted by: mypalmike | March 31, 2008 2:32 PM
"Get the wax out your ears, Ellen ! I said 'DONOR PARTY' , not no 'Donner Party' ! .... Not exactly donating, tho' ! 'Morms' paying us good for you bitchs ! ..... Wow, is that anxious, or what ?!"
Posted by: Sam L. | March 31, 2008 2:41 PM
"warning: artist on crack."
Posted by: Brian L | March 31, 2008 2:42 PM
"remember when you hit me on the head with a 2x4? Deja Vu."
Posted by: Brian L | March 31, 2008 2:46 PM
Filthy Hollywood COCKSUCKAAAS!
Posted by: LK | March 31, 2008 2:48 PM
"Even the damned carpool lane is backed up."
Posted by: LV | March 31, 2008 2:57 PM
“If you didn’t have to have sex every half hour, Clara, we mighta got here a little SOONER!”
Posted by: dwilk | March 31, 2008 3:00 PM
"Well, danged if I ain't an insane looking marionette being controlled by a blonde in a polka dot dress riding in a wagon train pulled by blind horses inside the mouth of a giant beast with very crooked fangs."
Posted by: djack | March 31, 2008 3:03 PM
"Fetch my shotgun, ma. The dang horse has gone lame!"
"I am dressed like this because it's my 'Howdy' duty!"
"Ma... is it the peyote or do thes mountains look like
lasagna noodles?!?"
"DANG... the deer and the antelopes are playing with the spotlights again!"
Posted by: Johnny V | March 31, 2008 3:04 PM
“...not to be confused with grande opening, a geological formation, or your vaginal opening, which, of course, is grand.”
Posted by: dwilk | March 31, 2008 3:20 PM
"We took a wrong turn back at Kansas City and ended up at London during the Blitz."
Posted by: jim M | March 31, 2008 3:26 PM
"Oh, Susannah, don't you cry... I come from Alabama... and this ain't no banjo and that ain't my knee!"
"Appaloosa-halloosa-nation...Dang, peyo-tee-yip-e yi-yay!
Posted by: Floridabro | March 31, 2008 3:43 PM
“On, Vomit! On, Stupid! On, Goner and Shits-on!”
Posted by: dwilk | March 31, 2008 3:57 PM
I told ya, this is a covered REO Speedwagon. Don't rightly know what the difference is, but I reckon it explains the hallucinations.
Posted by: Walt | March 31, 2008 4:07 PM
"Since Heath Ledger died, Hollywood's got to be looking for someone new to play the Joker, and I've got the perfect face for it."
Posted by: Richard | March 31, 2008 4:07 PM
Huh, I guess those Indians killed all of us after all.
Posted by: Dave | March 31, 2008 4:12 PM
There's Goldwyn. In them thar hills.
Posted by: Walt | March 31, 2008 4:14 PM
How's about a little trail head?
Posted by: Brian | March 31, 2008 4:42 PM
We lost the race, but you'll win for biggest bonnet.
Posted by: seth | March 31, 2008 4:49 PM
Did you know that Tom Cruise is gay?
Posted by: R.E.Davidson | March 31, 2008 4:50 PM
We FINALY get to see Star Wars Episode 3!!
Posted by: R.E.Davidson | March 31, 2008 4:52 PM
I'm so excited! I think I have a boner!!
Posted by: Richard E Davidson | March 31, 2008 4:54 PM
"I don't know where the CAMERA and the ACTION are. But I think I just found the LIGHTS!"
Posted by: Kathy H | March 31, 2008 5:46 PM
“I told you New York City was in the other fucking direction!”
Posted by: dwilk | March 31, 2008 5:46 PM
I am thrilled my enormous white triangles! I knew it was worth enduring all those cases of tuberculosis!
Posted by: John Moe | March 31, 2008 5:46 PM
"We're fucking late again."
Posted by: GilbertBob | March 31, 2008 6:03 PM
"Well, look a-yonder! Seems the ingins got em'selves an event planner."
Posted by: al in la | March 31, 2008 6:06 PM
There must be gays in them there hills. HELLO FRISCO!
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 31, 2008 6:15 PM
[Note to Gary G.: It's "dem thar" hills, you cultural imperialist.]
Posted by: Anonymous | March 31, 2008 6:20 PM
California here I come right back where I started from...hey that makes no sense at all.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 31, 2008 6:57 PM
Finally a land where I can take a comfortable shit. HI-YO SILVER!
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 31, 2008 7:27 PM
[Note to Gary G.: It's a comfortable "bowel movement," you cultural slimebag.]
Posted by: Anonymous | March 31, 2008 8:09 PM
"Hollywood! Sasheen Littlefeather, here we come!"
Posted by: Glenn W | March 31, 2008 8:14 PM
Finally a land where I can take a comfortable bowel movement. HI-YO SILVER!
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 31, 2008 8:20 PM
"As they rounded the final hill Bobo was frightened to see the bright lights of a circus. With the road back cut off, all he could do was hope news had not yet reached of the revenge massacre."
Posted by: Brian L | March 31, 2008 9:16 PM
We are trying to go straight ahead.
Death Valley ain't been the same since the Chamber of Commerce installed them lighthouses.
Posted by: JayS | March 31, 2008 9:50 PM
Thank God, it's a brand new Wal-Mart!
Posted by: therblig | March 31, 2008 10:23 PM
"Those lights up ahead must be the Mormons signaling that they're welcoming us to Mountain Meadows."
Posted by: Richard | March 31, 2008 10:44 PM
Say what you will about the graphics, but nothing beats the original Oregon Trail.
I really wanted to try riding the horse even though it ain't got no saddle or nothin' but the woman said that won't work what with my testicles possibly gettin' ruptured and kids supposed to be in our future. Tell ya the truth, that's why I got the idea in the first place. Golly, I hate the rascals.
Charlie! That's right, you, the white horse with the irregularly shaped grayish spots! I done told you again that the only creatures that hold their leg like that are pointer dogs and homosexuals, and last time I checked you haven't pointed at much lately.
Worst case scenario, we run into that stage robber. And then I'm gonna say, "Shit."
Posted by: NecroDew | March 31, 2008 11:11 PM
"Fuck PETA."
Posted by: J.D. | March 31, 2008 11:30 PM
"We finally made it, Ginny - Easter Island! Look, there are four of those mysteriously carved heads in blackest ebony! Neat!"
Posted by: Vance | April 1, 2008 2:08 AM
"I figure, when they start usein' TWO pairs of tweezers to pluck ya out it's time to move on to another patch of pubes."
Posted by: al in la | April 1, 2008 3:16 AM
"According to the map, we been through Area 49, we're in Area 50, and that there up ahead is . . ."
Posted by: jim M | April 1, 2008 7:14 AM
"Them lights in the sky? I gotta tell ya, the aurora bores me, Alice."
Posted by: jim M | April 1, 2008 7:25 AM
"We've gotta get to town early for a good seat at tomorrow's lynchin'."
Posted by: LV | April 1, 2008 7:49 AM
"I can't believe that someone greenlighted a wild west Speed Racer prequel."
Posted by: David | April 1, 2008 8:39 AM
How New Yorkers see the rest of the country
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 1, 2008 9:31 AM
The Indians are sending up strange smoke signals. Let's slaughter them and take over their land. 150 years from now our decendants can pay reparations by losing money at Indian casinos. But right now, cook me up a mess of beans and bacon, woman.
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 1, 2008 9:35 AM
"Now, I know that there's a broken heart for every light on Broadway. But what the hell do you make of this ?!"
Posted by: Tim H | April 1, 2008 12:20 PM
"Hey, Ma, put on the Emerson, Lake & Palmer 'cause up yonder is the show that never ends!!"
Posted by: Kathy H | April 1, 2008 12:28 PM
"Man alive! Those daguerreotypes jes' don't do this place justice!"
Posted by: Tim H | April 1, 2008 12:37 PM
"Traffic is a bitch since them Indians got casinos."
Posted by: Anita Margarita | April 1, 2008 3:16 PM
"Ma, I'm thinkin' about startin' me a band. Gonna call it the Insane Clown Posse. Catchy, huh?"
Posted by: jim M | April 1, 2008 4:21 PM
When we first thought about leaving Russia and emigrating to Israel it seemed so wonderful. Now... not so much.
Posted by: SK | April 1, 2008 7:36 PM
God, does this trail never end??? It's so dark and depressing. And my 'rhoids are acting up. It's like some crazy, badly lit dream.
Posted by: SK | April 1, 2008 7:45 PM
"I'm having an out-of-body experience with Ward Bond."
Posted by: J.D. | April 1, 2008 7:50 PM
Maggie: You can drop me off just past those white spaces in the drawing up ahead.
Fergus: I'll miss having the company of your fine conversation and the delight of your gourmet cuisine, Maggie.
Maggie: I'll be better off leaving this cartoon to someone else, some other girl who can stand Mr. Wilson's skewed view of reality. But I do wish you the best, Fergus.
[soft whimperings of regret and loss from Fergus' side of the Conestoga]
Posted by: SK | April 1, 2008 7:54 PM
Well, I'll be an April Fool! "X" really does mark the spot! The spot of what, who the hell knows! But there it is! It's really marking a spot!
Posted by: SK | April 1, 2008 8:00 PM
Virgil, do you think we done fell into one of them "Black Holes" that Stephen Hawkin' is always squawkin' about? Jes' look at all that light bein' swallowed up ahaid. I tell ya, I don't feel the least bit a good about this at all. Not one lil' bit.
Posted by: SK | April 1, 2008 8:04 PM
On the 2nd to the last lap of the Conestoga 500, Cletus finally makes an aggressive move to the inside...
Posted by: Dan | April 2, 2008 12:38 AM
"lolwut"
Posted by: Vance | April 2, 2008 2:24 AM
"lolwut"
Posted by: Vance | April 2, 2008 2:24 AM
"I hope we're almost there. I'm starting to hallucinate and I can't feel my legs."
Posted by: David John | April 2, 2008 2:52 AM
"You can't annihilate humanity on an empty stomach...That's why I'm proud to ride with the four chuck wagons of the apocalypse."
Posted by: al in la | April 2, 2008 3:30 AM
You want change? Me too! We can do it together... Yes, we can. I'm Barrack Obama and I approve this message.
Posted by: Fred M | April 2, 2008 10:23 AM
"You know Shamus, I thought that this Roswell place we are colonizing is uninhabited?"
Posted by: iguazu | April 2, 2008 11:17 AM
"Vhile ze stupid British scan ze skies for Luftwaffe, ve sneak attack vid our Panzerponies!"
Posted by: Rubrick | April 2, 2008 2:25 PM
"Soon we, too, will travel across the eighth dimension!"
Posted by: Rubrick | April 2, 2008 2:26 PM
"Ain't those lights romantic, Sally? They shore do put me in the mood. Almost as much as the fac' that we're cousins."
Posted by: Jacob C | April 2, 2008 6:54 PM
"It's the Rapture, and we're ready, having purchased the book."
Posted by: RichM | April 2, 2008 9:57 PM
"Let's get the hell out of here before we end up on a Nebraska state quarter!"
"Woohoo! By this time tomorrow we'll be in the studio audience for Hollywood Squares."
"What did I tell you back in Kansas Louise? Gahan Wilson is just mailing it in these days."
Posted by: Kurt | April 2, 2008 11:48 PM
Did you remember to turn the stove off?
Posted by: Shawn | April 2, 2008 11:52 PM
"Neigh?"
Posted by: Harry | April 3, 2008 1:03 AM
I think we probably should have put our stuff in these wagons before leaving Tulsa.
Posted by: Charles | April 3, 2008 1:52 AM
"Hoorah! We've found our way out of this giant vagina!"
"We're approaching the speed of light, which is why we're starting to see reflections of our future selves. And why it's so dark."
Posted by: Trout Almondine | April 3, 2008 10:50 AM
"I think I left the iron on."
"Hang on, Gladys. I reckon we's in Lloyd Webber country."
"Don't worry, this is just the third stage. Next comes paranoia, and then, of course, I have to eat you."
Posted by: skeeelz | April 3, 2008 3:58 PM
Just when you think your safe! The trapeze artists will never survive now!
Posted by: will H. | April 3, 2008 5:36 PM
shit - you're
Posted by: will H. | April 3, 2008 5:38 PM
"I feel like stickin' my MONUMENT in your VALLEY."
Posted by: J.D. | April 3, 2008 9:59 PM
"Going to the Circuit City grand opening in this plaid shirt is a disgrace to our Amish heritage -- but fuck it!"
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | April 4, 2008 12:31 AM
We could've made the Def Leppard concert up ahead, if you hadn't slowed us down with all your 'proper burial' bullshit."
Posted by: David John | April 4, 2008 1:34 AM
"Why do I have this ol' shit-eatin' grin? 'Cause for once we ain't behin' the manure wagon!"
Posted by: David F | April 4, 2008 9:58 AM
"Why do I have this ol' shit-eatin' grin? 'Cause for once we ain't behin' the manure wagon--we're behin' the orgy wagon!"
Posted by: David F | April 4, 2008 10:02 AM
What good is more horsepower in traffic like this?
Posted by: DCAustinite | April 4, 2008 1:42 PM
"Well, 'howdy do' ! Kind of gets a fellow to feeling puppet. ! .... uh, 'uppity' (Sorry about that, sis !).... Get a move on, 'Woody' !"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 4, 2008 2:20 PM
"What is this, Germantown??"
Posted by: Mike in LA | April 4, 2008 2:32 PM
"Tail-hating ? .... Tail-hating ?! Hell no, I ain't tail-hating, mom ! ..... No more than dad ! .... Oh...."
Posted by: Sam L. | April 4, 2008 2:42 PM
Whew! That is the nasiest fart I done smelled in a long time, girl. I guess them beans is still cookin' in yer belly. Hey look, it's the big city lights!
Posted by: Shawn | April 4, 2008 11:39 PM
"Horses sure are hung."
Posted by: J.D. | April 5, 2008 3:14 AM
"Shake 't ! For the suns who tattered--til less bright--the stars before them in the shield of night, drive night along with them from evening, and strike the for'ard wagons with their beams of light.....or something like that !...... Wait, that's odd ! We are heading west, right ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 5, 2008 12:25 PM
Predicted intended caption and ultimate winning New Yorker caption: "At last, we've reached the Rio Grande opening!" Apologies to dwilk.
Posted by: Trout Almondine | April 5, 2008 4:28 PM
No, no -- RICHARD Donner...y'know, the guy who directed "Superman"? It's HIS party...
Posted by: Leppo Softboy | April 5, 2008 7:48 PM
Think I can catch that smaller wagon before it catches the littler wagon ahead of it before that one catches up to the itty bitty wagon up in front? Can't wait 'til our big horses squish their teeny ones like bugs!
Posted by: Leppo Softboy | April 5, 2008 7:59 PM
"The Indians never attack anyone who's made up as a homicidal clown. Of course, that doesn't mean they won't attack you."
Posted by: Richard | April 5, 2008 9:43 PM
"Bright lights, big Oklahoma City."
Posted by: J.D. | April 5, 2008 9:53 PM
"This is the best danged lesbian dude ranch vacation bar none!"
Posted by: J.D. | April 5, 2008 9:57 PM
"We're just startin' out and we're already in fourth place?...Man, it sucks to be a Cubs fan."
"It's hours from here, but it can be easily seen."
Posted by: al in la | April 5, 2008 10:20 PM
"Looks like Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are both getting out of limousines at the same time!"
Posted by: GilbertBob | April 6, 2008 7:37 AM
See I told ya Moses had a twin.
Posted by: boneguy | April 6, 2008 10:35 AM
A box office bomb, the knock-off movie “Jimbo Billy Bob-Hur” and its thrilling climax - the Conestoga wagon race.
Posted by: Dan | April 6, 2008 5:51 PM
"Jimbo Billy Bob-Hur? I hardly KNEW Hur!"
Posted by: Johnny V | April 7, 2008 8:24 AM
"The Lord moves in mysterious rays....hiyah, hiyah there !"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 7, 2008 3:28 PM
" 'Engine Territory' ! Them fools is headed into trouble !"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 7, 2008 3:33 PM
" 'Conestoga'? Be damned ! I reckon I'll jus' miss the cut at this here 'ARE YOU SMARTER THAN THE SCHOOL-HOUSE ?' showdown."
Posted by: Sam L. | April 7, 2008 3:59 PM
"Gotta be MANIFEST DESTINATION ! Check the chart, 'hon' !"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 7, 2008 4:06 PM
"Boy, howdy ! You ever seen 'sich' (sic!) symmetric storm-clouds ? It fixing to rain, wife !"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 7, 2008 4:29 PM
"Youth or Consequences, Youth or Consequences, Utah, bitch ! 'spect you know what that means ? ..... Yeah, me, Curley, and the bunch is heading back fo' more soon's some 'shuteye'......We got us a gig !!"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 7, 2008 4:54 PM
"Thou hypocrite, slut ! First cast out the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy lovers' eyes....or something like that ! S'pect thou writ ahead !.....Matthew 7:5, by the way."
Posted by: Sam L. | April 7, 2008 5:25 PM
al in la ftw
Posted by: harry | April 7, 2008 9:35 PM
MAtt's about the cucumber was the funniest by far.
Posted by: kosmicki | April 8, 2008 3:30 PM