The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #86
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's winner.
Grumble
For the second week in a row, this contest had a record high number of entries — and a record low number of entries deserving honorable mention. So first let me welcome all the new folks who discovered us through Valleywag or wherever. And then let me encourage you to read the contest guidelines, particularly the part about not submitting more than five captions. I'm not trying to be a dick, but unlike The New Yorker, I don't have interns with spreadsheets reading all the submissions for me. Beyond just saving me some time, the point of this rule is to encourage you to put some thought into your best possible captions, rather than just spitting out whatever you can think of.
Also, I can see your IP addresses, so even if you submit under a different name each time, I still know when you're over the limit. In fact, a good rule of thumb is that if you're not proud enough of your caption to use a consistent name that at least pseudonymously identifies you, maybe you shouldn't bother.
That is all.
Winner
"Whoops— looks like you shanked it into the parking lot, Corporal." —John Tabin
Finalists
"I agree the tanks are a little unsightly, but we have to make sure no Jews sneak into the country club." —Jesse
"You know, I meant to say something when they came for the trade unionists." —Kevin Guilfoile
Honorable mention
"Wow, Arnie's Army has really modernized." —gary
"Well, at least we have the high ground." —Andrew
"Fusillade, you crazy bastard!" —The Confidence Man
Comments
"George Bush wants to play through."
Posted by: Martin | February 5, 2007 9:42 AM
"I agree the tanks are a little unsightly, but we have to make sure no Jews sneak into the country club."
Posted by: Jesse | February 5, 2007 9:49 AM
"I understand that if they kill us they get awarded the Iron Cross...no pun intended."
Posted by: Tim H | February 5, 2007 9:56 AM
This is so NOT a par five. If there were weapons of mass destruction, maybe - but I guess we all know there aren't any of those, right Mr. President? Ha, ha! Sorry. No, this isn't a par five. It's a par four at best.
Posted by: junior | February 5, 2007 9:58 AM
"Your ball landed in the bunker."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 5, 2007 10:00 AM
"Nope, nothing funny here. Except that our maker's name is Cheney."
Posted by: Deborah | February 5, 2007 10:00 AM
"(Gulp)...I hope you've marked your balls."
Posted by: Tim H | February 5, 2007 10:00 AM
"Wow, Arnie's Army has really modernized."
Posted by: gary | February 5, 2007 10:07 AM
"I don't like the looks of those clouds."
Posted by: Sher | February 5, 2007 10:26 AM
"I probably should have read the instructions for these shoulder-mounted golf club launchers before the tanks showed up."
Posted by: Joel | February 5, 2007 10:48 AM
"That was a fun round of golf. Now, where did you park your Humvee?"
Posted by: mypalmike | February 5, 2007 10:53 AM
I hate to say it, Fred...but doesn't that cloud on the right have the shape of the birthmark on your wife's ass.
Posted by: David W | February 5, 2007 10:58 AM
No wonder all the flags are white today!
Posted by: David W | February 5, 2007 11:01 AM
"Now, this is one of those holes where you'd use a shootin' iron."
"So this is it, huh? America has finally fallen and our people have been wiped out. We're about to be mowed down like crabgrass. And frankly, Chuck, on my list of people to die alongside, you're not even in the top ten."
"'Replace Your Divots,' my ass! Just look at the mess they're making of the fairway!"
Posted by: Vance | February 5, 2007 11:05 AM
Members of this country club for 15 years...and this is all the tanks we get!
Posted by: David W | February 5, 2007 11:08 AM
"Relax, Ted. Gort just eagled the last hole."
Posted by: mike | February 5, 2007 11:10 AM
"This reminds me of something I used to say in my old job: 'You don't play golf with the caddy you want, you play golf with the caddy you have.' That always went over well."
Posted by: Martin | February 5, 2007 11:10 AM
"Huh? Why are there all these tanks and barbed wire on a golf course?"
Posted by: Vance | February 5, 2007 11:23 AM
"Wow, a militarized golf planet. Now I know why a Republican administration never killed the space program."
Posted by: David John | February 5, 2007 11:26 AM
"They're really accurate from long distance, but they can't putt worth shit!"
Posted by: dbk | February 5, 2007 11:26 AM
"Well, Hank, I realize we never really talk shop on these golf outings, but now seems like as good a time as any to tell you: In my day job, I kind of slaughtered million of people in an ethnic cleansing in my homeland. So odds are, those tanks are here for me. Oh: Also, I've been shaving strokes off my score for years."
Posted by: TKC | February 5, 2007 11:28 AM
"You can stay the course. I'm getting the fuck outta here!"
Posted by: swizzle | February 5, 2007 11:43 AM
"These civil war re-enactment enthusiasts are really starting to get sloppy."
Posted by: Francis | February 5, 2007 12:01 PM
"Last time I hit a ball in there I ended up losing a leg. The prosthetic itches like crazy, but the whole incident really motivated me to work on my slice."
Posted by: Francis | February 5, 2007 12:04 PM
Not to worry...the odds of getting struck by lightning are higher.
Posted by: Amy | February 5, 2007 12:05 PM
Vladimir, I'm afraid there is no 18th hole for traitors.
Posted by: Joe | February 5, 2007 12:14 PM
"Not good, Ahmad. I theeenk they fee-gured us out!"
Posted by: Rubiks | February 5, 2007 12:19 PM
Well, my corpse caddy is full, we better get off the range before the next batch comes in.
Posted by: Joe | February 5, 2007 12:26 PM
"This is the last time I let you talk me into playing a public course."
Posted by: jason | February 5, 2007 12:26 PM
Before we go, I'd like to show you a metaphor of how Snakes On A Plane did in the box office.
Posted by: Joe | February 5, 2007 12:34 PM
Can I have the score card - I just crapped my pants.
Posted by: LW | February 5, 2007 12:46 PM
"Look down there-do you believe where the ladies tees are?..This would be a riot if we had ladies with us, or actually knew any that we could share this with later."
Posted by: Greg | February 5, 2007 12:48 PM
"I really think they're telling us to play through."
Posted by: Greg | February 5, 2007 12:49 PM
"I'm gonna use a range ball."
Posted by: Greg | February 5, 2007 12:54 PM
"Excuse the mess. As a San Francisco country club catering to wealthy liberals, we're still trying to figure out what to do with our War on Christmas decorations during the other 11 months of the year."
Posted by: David John | February 5, 2007 1:00 PM
"Nothing to worry about -- just some harmless war game. It turns out this terrain is quite similar to Iran."
Posted by: doc | February 5, 2007 1:05 PM
"Mike, are you sure you paid the green fees?"
Posted by: Dick Trimble | February 5, 2007 1:14 PM
"Yes Dave, I guess this IS all the Tanks we get. SO I ask you: War. What is it good fore?"
Posted by: al in la | February 5, 2007 1:15 PM
Well, at least we have the high ground.
Posted by: Andrew | February 5, 2007 1:17 PM
"The word "bunker" probably got lost in translation."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 5, 2007 1:22 PM
"Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid."
Posted by: Al Czervik | February 5, 2007 1:30 PM
"And to think that I skipped out on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney for this..."
Posted by: Rolly Raines | February 5, 2007 1:36 PM
"That looks like a doozy. Let's go back and try the one with the giant windmill again."
Posted by: Vega | February 5, 2007 1:40 PM
"Those government surplus golf carts are going to wreak havoc on my flat white ass and thrombosed hemorrhoids."
Posted by: Sher | February 5, 2007 1:41 PM
"Hey, don't blame me. I voted for Ralph Nader."
Posted by: Lester Crane | February 5, 2007 1:43 PM
"Except for the golf course, the lack of ocean and that stupid hat you're wearing, this is just like the beach at Normandy."
Posted by: Ben King | February 5, 2007 1:56 PM
"Just don't make any eye contact"
Posted by: Brian Victor | February 5, 2007 1:59 PM
"Looks like President Bush is finally getting on board the environmental bandwagon and protecting some valuable green space."
Posted by: Hank Castle | February 5, 2007 2:01 PM
So Fred, my tanks make your SUV look pretty weenie, don't they? And by weenie, I am, of course, referring to your penis. Which cars symbolize. You know, metaphorically? Oh, never mind, I'll just blow you off the road later. Nonmetaphorically, of course.
Posted by: npm | February 5, 2007 2:03 PM
Unbeknownced to Bob, Tom had used the back side of their score card to write "Take him, he doesn't have a family, and he listens to Kenny G" But unbeknownced to Tom, Kenny G was in the forward-most tank.
Posted by: Joe | February 5, 2007 2:03 PM
"Uh oh. I think I just crapped in my lucky boxers".
Posted by: Shelly Moony | February 5, 2007 2:04 PM
"Looks like Mel Gibson and his entourage are here to 'watch' Tiger Woods play the white guys."
Posted by: Ahmad Singh | February 5, 2007 2:11 PM
"Well, they did say President Bush would turn over every grain of sand until he found those WMDs, but this takes desperation to a new low."
Posted by: Vann Scoggins | February 5, 2007 2:19 PM
"What the hell do you mean 'like a dozen erect penises advancing through the desert'? Don't go queer on me now, Mahoney! We've got to get the hell out of here!"
Posted by: Lane G. Gatreaux | February 5, 2007 2:24 PM
"You know, it's really getting harder to ignore the erosion of civil liberties."
Posted by: doc | February 5, 2007 2:31 PM
This has Cheney's handwriting all over it.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 5, 2007 2:55 PM
Boy, it sure is good thing that we're both holding our golf bags at such an angle as to occult our massive hard-ons from the view of the audience.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 5, 2007 3:02 PM
"Makes you feel guilty about golfing the The Green Zone, huh?"
"No."
Posted by: eggy | February 5, 2007 3:10 PM
I told you to use a black market cell phone.
Posted by: Amy | February 5, 2007 3:13 PM
I'll let you fuck my wife if you chip it into the barrel.
Posted by: eggy | February 5, 2007 3:14 PM
It would appear the Democrats aren't your only opponents, Mr. President.
Posted by: Amy | February 5, 2007 3:17 PM
Well, we knew we'd have to integrate someday. I'm just sad that my son will never get to golf on a whites only golf course. He was killed in Iraq yesterday.
Posted by: eggy | February 5, 2007 3:18 PM
There's something wrong with this map. The next hole is supposed to be where all those tanks are. Fucking public golf courses.
Posted by: eggy | February 5, 2007 3:21 PM
Tanks for the memories, Bob.
Posted by: eggy | February 5, 2007 3:22 PM
"Ask them why they hate our freedom."
Posted by: jamie | February 5, 2007 3:28 PM
Bob, I have a confession to make. I still don't know the difference between a hook and a slice. I just use the terms interchangeably with each other, usually following the lead of someone else. It's a personal shame I've lived with for many years. I'm sorry Bob.
Bob?
My god, they've killed you!
At least my secret is still safe!
Thank you, tanks!
Posted by: eggy | February 5, 2007 3:29 PM
Bob, I think we're going to be OK. That barb wire should hold them back. On the offchance it fails, I just want to let you know that I never found you attractive, even for a second.
Posted by: eggy | February 5, 2007 3:32 PM
"Which bad lie are you referring to?"
Posted by: Rosemary | February 5, 2007 3:50 PM
I can never remember where I parked.
Posted by: na | February 5, 2007 3:50 PM
"The country club is actually a Halliburton subsidiary."
Posted by: jamie | February 5, 2007 3:55 PM
I just thought the fact that the world is a war torn and hostile place is a great excuse for me to work on my golf game.
Posted by: na | February 5, 2007 4:03 PM
I think that I saw this on CNN this morning, I just assumed it was happening in a far way land that I will never see but I know exists because it has been demarcated on all world maps.
Posted by: na | February 5, 2007 4:18 PM
"Christ....., what an assortment of military manpower!"
Posted by: bagger | February 5, 2007 4:20 PM
I never saw so many working class multi-ethnic men on a golf course before!
Posted by: na | February 5, 2007 4:25 PM
Whoops-- looks like you shanked it into the parking lot, Corporal.
Posted by: John Tabin | February 5, 2007 4:26 PM
Remember when I said golf is for weenies..I take it back.
Posted by: krn | February 5, 2007 4:31 PM
Either this is an invation or they're just happy to see me.
Posted by: krn | February 5, 2007 4:34 PM
"See? I told you there was an Army base just on the other side of fourteen."
"That Carl Spackler has gone too far this time!!"
"Uh oh. It's the Cheat Commandos."
Posted by: Rubrick | February 5, 2007 6:02 PM
"Jeez...I distinctly remember the invitation saying 'For T.A. Winchlers ONLY'"
Posted by: Tim H | February 5, 2007 6:08 PM
Those fools! Can't they see we've got the high ground?
"If she can spend $435 on a hammer, she won't mind if I spend $799 on a Maruman Majesty Prestigio Milled putter." Got any more psychic predictions, Kreskin?
Nice work on the disguises, Sergeant. Now paint 'em with the IR lasers and the smart missiles will do the rest. I'm sure glad it's early April of 2003, when this war is still fun.
Ironically, we used to call this fairway the "demilitarized zone" because the grass never had quite the right amount of give. Does that make us seem overprivileged to the point of lacking all perspective? Uh huh. Indeed it does. Absolutely. Yes-sir-ree-bob.
Posted by: Walt | February 5, 2007 6:19 PM
This situation would lose some of its irony if we were engaged in any other sport, except maybe pool, but even that has an element of danger and violence, wouldn't you say?
Posted by: nael | February 5, 2007 7:38 PM
We may have utterly destroyed their country, but we've undeniably improved the quality of Iraqi golf.
Posted by: Seabendy | February 5, 2007 7:40 PM
This reminds me of the time that that string quartet showed up at the monster truck rally.
Posted by: nael | February 5, 2007 7:41 PM
Is this a bad time for my exploding golf ball joke?
Posted by: Seabendy | February 5, 2007 7:41 PM
"I thought the Golf War was over."
Posted by: Van | February 5, 2007 7:45 PM
"You know, I meant to say something when they came for the trade unionists."
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | February 5, 2007 8:19 PM
I just shit my pants.
Posted by: steven | February 5, 2007 8:20 PM
"It says here in the brochure that being cut by barbed wire can lead to tetanus. So if you want to go ahead on your own, fine, but I'm waiting for the rest of the Middle-Eastern-Golf-Is-To-Die-For tour group."
Posted by: Steve | February 5, 2007 8:29 PM
"Frakking cylons love you, Mickelson."
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | February 5, 2007 9:45 PM
"I was just about to come to you. Hardly seems important now."
Posted by: J.D. | February 5, 2007 10:52 PM
"I was just about to come out to you. Hardly seems important now." (nor funny. oops.)
Posted by: J.D. | February 5, 2007 10:53 PM
"And you also have to watch out for the trees on your right."
Posted by: jmt | February 5, 2007 11:38 PM
They still haven't killed that farking gopher?
Posted by: eggy | February 6, 2007 12:40 AM
Wait'll Judge hears about this!
Posted by: eggy | February 6, 2007 12:40 AM
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
Posted by: priso n. tats | February 6, 2007 12:46 AM
I told you not to bitch slap the caddy!
Where's our bloody Caddy gone?
Posted by: Les | February 6, 2007 1:25 AM
OK, Friday 8.00am tee-off suits me.
Posted by: Les | February 6, 2007 1:36 AM
"Son, remember when you said golf was a 'stupid game with no real stakes?' How about you sink this putt in three strokes...or die!"
"Hey, guess which one Mike Dukakis is hiding in?... Who's Mike Dukakis? He ran for president.... No, seriously, stop laughing. He did.... Oh, fuck, I'm old."
"The rough here is *really* rough."
Posted by: nell | February 6, 2007 1:39 AM
Since I've never played golf before, I have no idea what this thing sticking up from my golf bag is. And since I wasn't in the army, I can't fathom why they would put barbed wire right in front of their own tanks. And since I'm not really homsexual, I don't understand why stealing glimpses of your tight little ass is making me harder than Chinese algebra. That's three ways I'm confused right now. And this mound of magnified pubic stubble we're standing on makes four.
Posted by: Walt | February 6, 2007 3:37 AM
"Arnie's army."
Posted by: al in la | February 6, 2007 4:21 AM
"I've heard this one before."
Posted by: chuckles charlie | February 6, 2007 7:28 AM
I guess we can stop wondering why that IED broke up our foursome on the last hole.
Posted by: Amy | February 6, 2007 7:36 AM
"The I said, 'Yeah, asshole, you and what army?'"
Posted by: Topper | February 6, 2007 7:44 AM
"You wore metal spikes and you know they're not allowed here. See what you've done?"
"Fair-way my ass!"
"I miss the old alligator-infested water hazard."
"Sure, they made the hole more challenging, but at the expense of slowing down play."
Posted by: LR | February 6, 2007 8:03 AM
"You play, 'World's Deadliest Capture The Flag' for a bunch of closed-circuit tv weirdos. I'm hopping back in the Range Rover and going golfing like we said."
Posted by: David John | February 6, 2007 8:49 AM
Hey, have you heard this one? Why do they call it golf?
Because all the other four-letter words are taken.
Hahahahahaha
Wait -here's one..
A guy hits his ball into the woods. While trying to find his ball he finds some abandoned balls and puts them in his pocket.
Afterwards he's in the club house and a woman keeps starting at his pants. Finally, he points down and says "golf balls".
The woman looks shocked, and says "and I thought tennis elbow was bad."
Hahahahahah - good one!
Posted by: simsburybear | February 6, 2007 10:41 AM
Although critically acclaimed, "Golden Tee : A Bridge Too Far" (Playstation 2 / XBox) sold few copies.
Posted by: mypalmike | February 6, 2007 11:42 AM
I don't know if there will ever be a good time to tell you this: I have AIDS.
Posted by: Jason Olshefsky | February 6, 2007 1:04 PM
"Maybe Kerry wasn't joking"
Posted by: doc | February 6, 2007 1:35 PM
"These are the lucky one's. If you don't have connections, you end up in Iraq."
Posted by: doc | February 6, 2007 1:39 PM
"Another questionable deployment."
Posted by: doc | February 6, 2007 1:43 PM
"It says it's 50 yards to the green"
Posted by: stcoleridge | February 6, 2007 2:23 PM
"Hey, you four in front: the planes are up in the sky!"
Posted by: Joel | February 6, 2007 2:34 PM
"Shit, the Chinese are taking over."
Posted by: Hookah | February 6, 2007 2:48 PM
"Fusillade, you crazy bastard!"
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 6, 2007 3:18 PM
"I'm heading back to work for a little R&R."
Posted by: links | February 6, 2007 7:15 PM
"They don't even realize we're cardboard cutouts."
Posted by: Angel | February 6, 2007 7:25 PM
"They're using MapQuest now to locate the insurgents."
Posted by: Jamiel | February 6, 2007 8:00 PM
"Since when do the rules of engagement supersede the rules of golf?"
Posted by: Jack Nicholson | February 6, 2007 8:19 PM
don't look alarmed, Julio, Border patrol is really tight these days ever since they found out about the other refugee caddies.
Posted by: elna | February 6, 2007 8:48 PM
I think that this would be a good time to reassess the meaning of life.
Posted by: ano | February 6, 2007 9:00 PM
You know that expression, the grass is always greener on the other side, I don't think that it applies here.
Posted by: l | February 6, 2007 9:05 PM
Let's be optimistic, maybe this is just some elaborate social commentary set up.
Posted by: l | February 6, 2007 9:08 PM
Dammit, it looks like we are going to have to walk all the way around all of these tanks to get to the next hole, that's going to take soooo long and I'm already tired and I'm getting hungry.
Posted by: l | February 6, 2007 9:12 PM
"Brokeback Mountain sure ain't what it used to be for us golfers anymore"
"I'm glad you could join me for a round of golf Radosh, now about last week's contest..."
Posted by: Joe | February 6, 2007 9:19 PM
I bet you can't chew and swallow a saltine without taking at least a sip of water.
Posted by: miel | February 6, 2007 9:46 PM
"Oh, right, I heard something about this thing on O'Reilly's show last night. No, wait a minute, it was the night before last, and I'm pretty sure it had been on Olbermann."
Posted by: RichM | February 6, 2007 10:37 PM
"Oh dear, it seems the peasant revolutionaries have won the sympathy of an Army regiment. I don't know about you, but I plan to beg for mercy."
Posted by: John Tabin | February 7, 2007 1:08 AM
"Do you still keep that rubber snake in your bag?"
Posted by: Chaz | February 7, 2007 7:36 AM
I *told* you that your drop was supposed to be "no closer to the hole!"
Posted by: junior | February 7, 2007 9:01 AM
"Where? I don't see any... Oh yeah! That cloud does appear to be lower than the treetop. Or... Maybe that tree is very, very, very, very, very tall! OR... Maybe our perspective is skewed by the odd shapes and sizes of the tanks! Nah, it's probably just an incredibly low cloud. Let's see now. This is a par 5."
Posted by: Steve | February 7, 2007 10:52 AM
Looks like the hole it'playing hard: wind is gusting to the right, sand trap in the left faiwway, grass is exceptionally deep, green looks wet, and those M1A2's Abrams are always harder to clear than the old M1A1's.
Posted by: David W | February 7, 2007 10:54 AM
"Dammit! Some jerk carved his name in the rough over there. What a thoughtless distraction."
Posted by: Steve | February 7, 2007 10:57 AM
It's not too late to let me wash your balls.
Posted by: R | February 7, 2007 12:06 PM
"Crazy? Am I crazy? Yeah I'm crazy! Crazy like an asshole! Now shut up and tee off already."
"Ah, but what the Americans don't seem to know is that in golf, traditionally, one hits the ball so that it goes up in the air, well high enough to clear these tanks and guns and things. Nice try, Gates, you oaf."
"It's Nancy Pelosi. She wants to confiscate your golf clubs."
"According to the guide the 12th hole is 'deceptively well-defended.' Does that mean it's better defended than it looks or less?"
"Yaahhr, Jesus! I bet we get blamed for this. I knew I should've had a cruller for breakfast."
Predicted Real-Life Winner: "They found oil under the sandtrap by the dogleg on 12."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 7, 2007 12:54 PM
"I'm sure they'll yell 'fore' before they fire."
Posted by: Joel | February 7, 2007 2:50 PM
"And I thought Hillary Clinton was a tough hole."
Posted by: g | February 7, 2007 2:53 PM
"Francis,Francis, Francis. Now look what you've done."
Posted by: danny | February 7, 2007 3:06 PM
"I'm not actually holding anything... that's a tree. And that's steam coming off my head. The tanks are real, though."
Posted by: Joel | February 7, 2007 4:31 PM
We can't play golf here, all these tanks are in the way.
Posted by: jimbone | February 7, 2007 5:47 PM
"Relax. Look how small they are! They'll never get over that barbed wire."
Posted by: jimbone | February 7, 2007 6:03 PM
"Listen, fellas, I did not order General Tso's Heavy Artillery Squad! I distinctly ordered General Tso's Heavy Artillery Squid! I'm looking at the menu right now! Oh, wait. Sorry, my mistake."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 7, 2007 6:04 PM
Did you fart in the clubhouse, again?
Posted by: Les | February 7, 2007 6:32 PM
"Well, it's a lovely gesture, but I still think they should start shooting other twosomes."
Posted by: 2+2=5 | February 7, 2007 8:34 PM
"A shotgun start isn't good enough?"
Posted by: LV | February 7, 2007 10:27 PM
"Since Iraq, I've been a bit sensitive about the words 'Sand Trap'."
Posted by: cp | February 7, 2007 11:16 PM
"As a nation we accepted the bloodless coup of 2000 with nary a peep. We accepted the sham re-election in 2004 and again just moved on with business as usual. Haven't we proven we will mount no resistance? Haven't we been good little sheep? Then why for the love of Christ have they come now to kill us?"
Posted by: J.D. | February 7, 2007 11:24 PM
"Looks like the club owner brought her 50-foot-kid into work again. He always leaves his Slinky and G.I. Joes lying everywhere."
Posted by: David John | February 8, 2007 12:27 AM
"They're just setting up for the charity golf tournament benefiting adult literacy. For months now, the organizers have been receiving terrorist threats via email in the form of tauntingly misspelled subject lines of a sexual nature from people who clearly hate reading and writing."
Posted by: David John | February 8, 2007 3:12 AM
"I come here expecting a peaceful game of golf, and what do I find? Shaggy, poorly manicured grass!"
Posted by: Perfection | February 8, 2007 5:08 AM
"Maybe golfing while high wasn't such a great idea"
Posted by: Anonymous | February 8, 2007 5:40 AM
"I have never been to war, but I did once see someone shot and killed in the street. His last words were 'oh shit.'"
Posted by: J.D. | February 8, 2007 6:14 AM
"Was Grenada already taken?"
Posted by: Dave | February 8, 2007 7:43 AM
"We have come to visit you in peace and with goodwill. It is no concern of ours how you run your own planet. But if you threaten to extend your violence this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned out cinder. Your choice is simple. Join us, and live in peace, or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you. Gort, Klaatu--birada--nine iron."
"You have the honors, so go ahead and you shoot first, please."
Posted by: LV | February 8, 2007 9:20 AM
Welcome to Halliburton. Next I'll show you the Squash/Rape Rooms.
---
If I say its safe to golf this beach Captain, then its safe to golf this beach.
Posted by: mobuck | February 8, 2007 9:38 AM
"Like I always say: I drive for show and I putt for...WHOA!!!"
Posted by: Tim H | February 8, 2007 12:11 PM
"Try to stall the ground troops, Jed, while I take out those Blackhawks with my seven iron."
Posted by: Bart | February 8, 2007 7:33 PM
LV's 'Gort, Klaatu--birada--nine iron.' is GOLDEN!!!!
Posted by: Anonymous | February 8, 2007 7:46 PM
"Y'know, Bill, this sucks. Big time."
Posted by: Tim H. | February 8, 2007 7:56 PM
Just remember this is the Tiananmen Open -- go ahead, they'll move.
Posted by: Dex | February 8, 2007 9:02 PM
LV's 'Gort, Klaatu--birada--nine iron.' is GOLDEN!!!!
Posted by: Anonymous
Please, Senator Kerry, get the hell off of this blog.
Posted by: Vance | February 8, 2007 10:47 PM
I think the Shark could take out Tiger, but only on his home course.
Posted by: Les | February 9, 2007 1:16 AM
"Yup, this will surely go down in the history books, Brad, as The Day My Driver Stood Still."
Posted by: DCW | February 9, 2007 7:33 AM
"I guess it would be kinda stupid to toss blades of grass in the air at this point."
Posted by: Carmichael | February 9, 2007 7:46 AM
"I think they want us to quit using the ladies tee.”
Posted by: Sally | February 9, 2007 7:52 AM
"Gort isn't like related to Godot by any chance, is he?"
Posted by: Francine | February 9, 2007 8:13 AM
They really must increase our military spending budget. Expecting us to fight tanks armed with nothing more than a few metal sticks and some tiny white cannonballs is ridiculous. I don't know how we keep winning against the Americans.
Posted by: Steve | February 9, 2007 9:44 AM
"I told you not to go anywhere near the sand trap!"
Posted by: znufrii | February 9, 2007 10:47 AM
"I knew the 'Golf Through Middle East Hotspots Vacation Package' sounded too good to be true"
Posted by: znufrii | February 9, 2007 10:57 AM
I told you Mohammed that if we dressed as golfers they would never know we are insurgents.
Posted by: FD | February 9, 2007 11:02 AM
"This is the last time we're playing in Halliburton Hills Golf Club's Annual Taliban Challenge."
Posted by: jaxsean | February 9, 2007 11:14 AM
"Thank goodness the Army shot down the 50-foot woman before she did more damage, and thank goodness the 50-foot woman waxed recently, because otherwise walking over her nether regions, as we are forced to do now to return to the clubhouse, would be an arduous task."
Posted by: J.D. | February 9, 2007 12:00 PM
Next thing you know they will want to serve beer on the course
Posted by: FD | February 9, 2007 12:14 PM
Freedom's just another word, for incredibly loose khakis to mask our 46 inch waist
Posted by: FD | February 9, 2007 12:16 PM
"Who says golfers aren't in good shape?!"
"I told you we should've sprung for the cart."
"The Border called, and they want their bandits back."
Posted by: MIchael | February 9, 2007 12:21 PM
"The Evrolet plant? Well, you'd turn your tanks around, then left on Club View Drive, and a quick right on King Street. Go about 2-3 miles. The Evrolet plant is on the right. I'm guessing it'll be right near that giant lady in the distance throwing full-size cars around as if they were mere children's toys."
Posted by: anonymous | February 9, 2007 3:53 PM
"So it would appear that the 4-star general who has developed an obsessive crush on me now views you as a rival."
Posted by: RichM | February 9, 2007 8:09 PM
Dear Vance,
As you know I'm not leading a campaign for the presidency in 2008. Instead I have chosen to campaign to end the war in Iraq, protect America, and spend more time on my short game.
Yesterday I stood up with a remarkable group of Iraq war veterans who are speaking out because they believe the best way to support the troops is to change a course that squanders their lives. When brave patriots suffer and die because of the incompetence of mere politicians, the only patriotic choice is to demand change. I, personally, am switching to my three iron off the tee.
These veterans offered a profile in courage.
The Senate this week provided a profile in politics -- Republicans blocking even a vote up or down, one way or another on a bi-partisan resolution opposing the Bush escalation.
This has to end.
Republicans refuse even to go on record over the Bush escalation. We need to escalate the pressure for a policy change.
That's why I am introducing legislation that will again set a firm one-year deadline for the redeployment of most American troops from Iraq, and widen the fairways on golf courses throughout this great land of ours.
If you agree it is time to set a deadline, come to http://www.setadeadline.com and become a citizen co-sponsor of the legislation.
Posted by: Senator John F. Kerry | February 9, 2007 8:23 PM
It's a honor to be playing again in the Bob Hope Desert Storm Classic.
Posted by: ziny | February 9, 2007 10:59 PM
"It's always something."
Posted by: The Ghost of Gilda Radner | February 10, 2007 5:49 AM
"Oh, shit! I always said I never wanted to end up as part of a 'friendly fire' story, and now this. Remember how many times I said that? I bet it was a million. Shit."
Posted by: eenie | February 10, 2007 5:58 AM
They think we're Mexican. How did we get on the wrong side of the fence??
Posted by: William Sharum | February 10, 2007 1:49 PM
Looks like they're the 2007 models. Now there's something the Japanese aren't whupping us at.
Posted by: Dex | February 10, 2007 6:30 PM
"Even if you think this is a stupid, pointless game that drags on for ever...you have agree these kids are all heros."
Posted by: al in la | February 10, 2007 9:15 PM
Pattonshack
Posted by: David (Blog About Town) | February 10, 2007 9:26 PM
"Whew, whatta day! To quote George Dumbya Bush, 'I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend.'" (Bush on the prospect of visiting Denmark, Washington D.C., June 29, 2005)
Posted by: Sher | February 11, 2007 1:08 AM
Tanks for the game.
Is a heart attack considered a penality stroke?
Looks like the KKK is still after Woodsy.
I think I'll have the rump steak and garden salad.
It was somewhere near here that the Club Presidant said we should look out for a little company.
Posted by: OldDee | February 11, 2007 4:07 AM
I always said I'd kill for a Green Jacket, but oh sweet Christ, why did it have to be like this?
Posted by: Dean | February 11, 2007 4:44 AM
I enjoy the political commentary on this sight, even if they aren't winnable captions.
Posted by: comment | February 11, 2007 3:48 PM
Also, I can see your IP addresses, so even if you submit under a different name each time, I still know when you're over the limit.
This means you, Senator Kerry.
Posted by: Vance | February 11, 2007 6:12 PM
because there is an unwritten law that only one person per household/per computer can enter.
Posted by: comment2 | February 11, 2007 11:08 PM
"Those ain't look like golf carts, Bob."
.....that was my entry... ;)
Posted by: Malena Perez | February 12, 2007 4:22 AM
Belated anti-caption:
"It's amazing what they can do with topiary these days."
Posted by: Francis | February 12, 2007 9:25 AM
Really, Senator, that's beyond the pale. If you insist on doing this, use my name if you must, but leave poor Francis alone!
Posted by: Vance | February 12, 2007 11:57 AM
"You'll want to keep it away from the bunkers on this hole"
Posted by: daveezil | February 19, 2007 1:30 AM