In event of Rapture, Clique Girlz will now be only 2/3 missing

April 1, 2009

In event of Rapture, Clique Girlz will now be only 2/3 missing

When we last left the Clique Girlz, Ariel Moore had just left the Clique Girlz. Depending on who you asked, the non-sister member of the tween supergroup was either fed up at not getting her share of the spotlight or not talented enough to deserve her share of the spotlight. Because the Clique Girlz standards are superhigh.

Well, as of a few weeks ago, Paris and Destinee Monroe have finally cast themselves a new best friend, and hold onto your yarmulkes — she's a Jewess! A brunette Jewess. There go the PTL gigs. This picture shows Sara Diamond joining Vienna and Densitee on the set of their ~~new movie Help!~~ Baby Bottle Pop commercial. And while all three girls are looking appropriately lickable, shakable and dunkable (hey, I didn't write the jingle), the new one seems like trouble. Not only does she have a preposterous first name, she's already working her de-aryanization program on the Monroe sisters by infecting Desitin with her un-blond hair.

If all this sounds vaguely un-American, perhaps it's because Sara is actually from — hold onto your toques — Canada! So what else do we know about this foreign Jewess who has penetrated the beloved Cliquez? Well, she's 14, she's a model-actress (hooker-waitress?), and she has a stage mother who was pushing her into tween pop even before the Clique gig. Oh, and she got her start writing and performing militant marching songs for Hebraic Canadian cabals.

So how are Clique Girlz fans reacting to the new member? Does the word Kristallnacht ring a bell? The knives are out over at the girlz' number one fan site. Sara is wearing Ariel's dress! She's stealing her lucky charms! (Somehow we've never discussed this here, but each of the girlz has symbol that "represents them as individuals." For instance, Paree has a pink princess crown because she's "the princess," while Ariel had the purple heart, because she's "the sweetheart." And because she took some shrapnel in the ass over in Nam.)

Breaking news: Under pressure from the Clique Girlz Youth, Sara has modified her symbol. She will now sport a ~~yellow star~~ red heart. Because: "I love friendship and stuff."

At least the Clique Girlz marketing team is getting somewhat more sophisticated. In the past, my blog posts have been flooded with different people all making the same pre-approved comments. This time, I was alerted to the arrival of Sara by one person commenting under different names both supporting and attacking her. Maybe in time for the next cast change they'll learn about IP addresses.

After the jump, more annotated pictures.

Oh noez! Baby Bottle Pops have dyed my tongue the color of my pants!