The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #72
That's right, TNYerCA-CC is back, and it's better than evah. For starters, you're gonna get to vote for the winner, just like in the real thing. For the new rules, and a simplified explanation of what makes a good anti-caption, click here.
Winner:
"Be careful, Lewis — if you fall, your son will have to grow up without a father!" —John Tabin
Comments
"Wait, make that *three* lattes."
Posted by: Francis | October 23, 2006 9:54 AM
"I would have worn a tie clip if I were you. Seems to me that having your tie just flap flap flapping in the wind would be likely to throw you off balance and cause you to plummet to your doom. But hopefully it won't. Good luck."
Posted by: Francis | October 23, 2006 9:59 AM
When I said "where the sun don't shine" I didn't mean the shadow of that building over there.
Posted by: Tsu Dho Nihm | October 23, 2006 10:15 AM
"It sure is a lovely day to walk between the towers, Bill... Say, does that plane look like it's coming in a little low, to you?"
Posted by: J | October 23, 2006 10:25 AM
There you are. Did you turn off your Blackberry?
Posted by: Dashiell | October 23, 2006 10:34 AM
Christ, what an asshole! No, not you, Jenkins. The only socially acceptable way for me to alleviate my Tourette's Syndrome is to shout out this window. By the way, I love to watch you walking away, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.
Posted by: Jenkins Callipyginous | October 23, 2006 11:18 AM
When you finish walking the thin line of intern subservience, your next challenge will be to climb the corporate ladder. But you've got spunk kid...most people don't make it past the challenge of ass kissing [wink].
Posted by: Joe | October 23, 2006 11:27 AM
"I'm sorry to make you do this, Jenkins, but as you can infer from the position of the window below me, I have no legs."
Posted by: TKC | October 23, 2006 11:31 AM
"Honestly, walking a tightrope between these two buildings is difficult enough -- why do it backwards?"
Posted by: TKC | October 23, 2006 11:32 AM
"And if you make it, you get to keep your job at NBC."
"'Why are you making me walk this tightrope?' 'Hey, is that a giant Japanese rice-paper screen over there where a building should be?' Christ, for a temp you sure do ask a lot of questions."
Posted by: TKC | October 23, 2006 11:34 AM
"Y'know, as successful as Wallenda & Wallenda LLC has been, I feel like we've strayed from our roots."
Posted by: TKC | October 23, 2006 11:37 AM
I just spoke to legal, and it turns out we're not actually allowed to put the new employees through these sorts of hazing rituals. So come back inside and I'll show you where your cubicle is.
Posted by: Jesse | October 23, 2006 11:57 AM
You're holding it wrong. Way wrong.
Posted by: neb | October 23, 2006 11:57 AM
When you get back, be sure to wash the windows. They're covered in unsightly streaks.
Posted by: 99 | October 23, 2006 11:57 AM
"You forgot your jacket."
Posted by: space2k | October 23, 2006 12:04 PM
"Remember last week when I said 'I have to fire someone, so you'd better do something to get my attention?' Well, pack up your things. Perkins sacrificed the body of his infant daughter on my desk like it was some kind of pagan alter, and you're just not gonna top that."
Posted by: John Tabin | October 23, 2006 12:20 PM
"Whatever you do, don't look down. Although, if you were the sort of person to heed others' advice, I can't imagine you'd be doing this in the first place."
"Very impressive, Mr. Vayner. We're still not going to hire you."
Posted by: TKC | October 23, 2006 12:22 PM
Hey, there's a guy on a tightrope outside. I wonder if it's that David Blaine guy.
Posted by: John Tabin | October 23, 2006 12:23 PM
"Fitzsimmons, stop walking along the edge of that adjoining building that has a facade painted to make it seem as if you can see the buildings behind it, including the corner of this one, and get back to work!"
Posted by: Dan McCoy | October 23, 2006 12:25 PM
"All right, you've proven that your tiny suction cups can sustain weights in excess of 150 pounds. Normally I don't appreciate the hard sell, but put me down for a gross."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | October 23, 2006 12:27 PM
"Is this some sort of promotion for HBO's 'The Wire'?"
Posted by: Dan McCoy | October 23, 2006 12:30 PM
"His name is Whiskers. He ususally comes in when I shake the catfood box, but he doesn't seem to want to come in today. Thanks for your help. I really appreciate it."
Posted by: Deborah | October 23, 2006 12:36 PM
"Yes, go tell him that we're on for four o'clock. I guess I could call him, but I've never liked the phone. Too impersonal."
Posted by: Deborah | October 23, 2006 12:43 PM
You know the rules: across in 30 seconds and you get one night with Commander Riker. I have to go, I'm needed on the bridge.
Posted by: JDT | October 23, 2006 12:48 PM
"I don't know what's creepier - your walking this tightrope or those normally invisible 'motion lines' at each end of King Kong's swizzle stick fully in view."
Posted by: MK | October 23, 2006 1:07 PM
"That's right, punk: your quest to scratch your signature beneath every window in this building has officially come to an end."
Posted by: Scraps | October 23, 2006 2:23 PM
"This would make a really great metaphor for something or other."
Posted by: Ben | October 23, 2006 2:25 PM
"I'd be much more impressed if we were higher up than the second floor."
Posted by: Ben | October 23, 2006 2:28 PM
"Well, I hope you're happy. We're going to have to postpone the limbo contest until you get back."
Posted by: Ben | October 23, 2006 2:29 PM
(I'm still laughing over J's towers cap.)
You've GOT to be the first guy to use a vibrating pole for this kind of stunt. I'll call Ripley's.
Chief says "working without a net" was just a turn of phrase.
Uh, the rest of us decided to just join the gym on 7.
You forgot the scales of justice! And you call yourself a lawyer.
I'll be locking this window now.
Posted by: AMy | October 23, 2006 2:30 PM
"Hey, everyone in West Coast Creative Marketing just got sacked, do you still want Harlin's aeron chair or can I have it?"
"While not technically in breach of contract this little stunt certainly won't win you any points during litigation, Steven Weber."
"Do want a net or can I go home?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | October 23, 2006 2:49 PM
"For the love of god, listen to me! If you think this is going to end up on Youtube you're fucking crazy...did you hear me? NOBODY IS TAPING YOU!" Nobody!
Posted by: simsburybear | October 23, 2006 2:51 PM
"Wait! Can I move my car first?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | October 23, 2006 2:54 PM
It's your wife. Should I take a message?
You can wash my windows any day!
Can you hear it? Tom Petty's "Freefalling" is on right now! Perkins is calling in "Wind Beneath My Wings" as I speak.
Posted by: 3dog | October 23, 2006 2:56 PM
On second thought, I'll take the pole as well.
Come back. They are business casual over there.
I'd like to renegotiate my salary.
I shouldn't do this ... but then you probably shouldn't have fucked my wife.
Posted by: Charles | October 23, 2006 3:57 PM
"Man, if I had known the Vice President was going to be such a pain in the ass with his 5th-floor graffiti, I would have picked a less exotic graffiti-removal solution. Anyway, turn around slowly, and start lowering... the giant... eraser..."
Posted by: Vance | October 23, 2006 4:12 PM
"Be careful."
Posted by: Rubrick | October 23, 2006 4:37 PM
"Do you want that raise or not?"
Posted by: Hookah | October 23, 2006 5:31 PM
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
Posted by: Vance | October 23, 2006 5:32 PM
"Be like me: don't let the wind affect you"
Posted by: Hookah | October 23, 2006 5:33 PM
"Ok, sit tight. I'll go get the scissors."
Posted by: jason | October 23, 2006 6:03 PM
That's the last time you'll use my name and pole in the same sentence.
Posted by: Curt | October 23, 2006 6:21 PM
Of course I didn't really mean it, Johnson, but let's not fool ourselves -- your display of exhibitionism in the window encouraged that lewd comment about your "pole." Anyway, you could have just used the stairs since you decided to come in and put your clothes back on first.
Posted by: Dave | October 23, 2006 6:26 PM
Cirque de Soleil Presents "Salagadunga: Human Resources"
Posted by: J.D. | October 23, 2006 7:18 PM
With this window left open, I could catch a cold!
Posted by: n | October 23, 2006 8:08 PM
Predicted actual New Yorker winner: "Stay the course."
Posted by: The Confidence Man | October 23, 2006 8:10 PM
I'm shocked that your hairpiece remains so secure. I stopped wearing mine long ago.
Posted by: n | October 23, 2006 8:12 PM
I'm shocked that your hairpiece remains so secure. I stopped wearing mine long ago.
Posted by: n | October 23, 2006 8:13 PM
When you are halfway across, shout out to me and I will toss you the juggling balls.
Posted by: n | October 23, 2006 8:27 PM
I think that this would be a good time to tell you. I'm sleeping with your wife.
Posted by: n | October 23, 2006 8:47 PM
It's a lovely gesture, but I still think we should start seeing other people.
Posted by: n | October 23, 2006 8:51 PM
"God I hope you die."
Posted by: TKC | October 23, 2006 8:53 PM
"Don't look now, but the pilot of that small plane heading toward us is a pitcher for the Yank...............
Posted by: LV | October 23, 2006 8:59 PM
"You know, in hindsight we probably shouldn't have gone with a Zogby pole. They're really unreliable."
Oh, wait. Sorry. I meant to send that in to Mickey Kaus's anti-caption contest. It's... really not funny to anyone but him.
Posted by: TKC | October 23, 2006 9:02 PM
OK, if TKC is breaking out the Non-apposite culutral/political references category:
"When the Lancet survey team comes by, shall I tell them that you only started tightrope-walking after the US invaded and that therefore your fatal plummet represents an increase over Saddam-era deaths?"
Posted by: The Confidence Man | October 23, 2006 9:07 PM
"So all you have to do is walk across and put the pole in the little holder on one of those buildings, then walk back and you get the money, OK?"
Posted by: LV | October 23, 2006 9:20 PM
I'm going on my lunch break now so don't try any funny buisness while I'm gone.
Posted by: n | October 23, 2006 9:32 PM
For the last time, this office is not a circus
Posted by: n | October 23, 2006 9:49 PM
1) So ... how'd you hook the wire to the other side?
2) Hey, Betty! Come look what the pigeons are doing now.
3) Know anything about the copier?
4) That isn't pole dancing, Jenkins.
5) Hey, Betty! The super-hero with the tiny cape is back.
Posted by: dt | October 23, 2006 10:11 PM
Shake shake shake it, shake it. Shake it like a polaroid picture.
Posted by: John | October 23, 2006 10:20 PM
"There's your straw for our Mega-Coke. And thanks for using the walk-up window at Wallendy's."
Posted by: LV | October 23, 2006 10:29 PM
Fuck yeah man, work that pole.
Posted by: John | October 23, 2006 10:35 PM
"Look, now that you're out there, would you mind telling me what those things are atop the buildings across the street? I want to say they're traffic cones, but why would there be traffic cones on top of a building? Anyhoo, if you could check 'em out, that'd be swell. Oh, also: I removed that cumbersome net you installed a few floors down. Hope that's not a problem."
Posted by: TKC | October 23, 2006 10:45 PM
"Hey Fran, it's Tuesday night!... 'Captain Corelli's Mandolin' night. You comin'?"
Posted by: PO w/da BO | October 23, 2006 11:14 PM
"Oh, wow. That's a relief. I thought you said you were a "pole smoker."
Posted by: PO w/da BO | October 23, 2006 11:44 PM
"Aaahh, Lippschitz, you little coke whore... Bad news Kemosabe. The vet called, said your cat died. You lost the Williams account. And uh, I've been tea bagging your donuts every morning."
Posted by: PO w/da BO | October 23, 2006 11:49 PM
"Simon? Uh, you do know the whole Dog, Money, Partner thing was just a joke, right? I only keep her around 'cause she likes peanut butter."
Posted by: PO w/da BO | October 23, 2006 11:52 PM
"Hello. How are you? Have you been alright, through all those lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely nights..."
Posted by: PO w/da BO | October 24, 2006 12:02 AM
Let me show you to the water cooler. I think your divining rod is broken.
Posted by: mypalmike | October 24, 2006 12:30 AM
"Be careful, Lewis-- if you fall, your son will have to grow up without a father!"
Posted by: John Tabin | October 24, 2006 1:29 AM
"Tight rope? Tight ass!"
Posted by: J.D. | October 24, 2006 2:01 AM
"We've changed our software development process from 'extreme' to 'agile'. Which basically means you stay out there. And I get a company car."
Posted by: mypalmike | October 24, 2006 2:25 AM
"I don't care what mapquest said, this is not the fastest way to the Fedex office. Use the rope swing outside Dan's office instead."
Posted by: mypalmike | October 24, 2006 2:39 AM
Man inside: "See that naked woman? I'd like to wash her windows, know what I mean?"
Man outside: "The hours here are obscene."
Posted by: mypalmike | October 24, 2006 2:49 AM
"I don't think you should be wearing loafers."
Posted by: Slip Whitsun | October 24, 2006 9:25 AM
Meeting, three minutes. I'm going to need my extra long pre-laser pointer back. And I'm taking this wire.
Posted by: neb | October 24, 2006 10:14 AM
"Personally I would've vaulted over but, hey, you're the Under Secretary of State for Near Eastern Affairs and I'm just Jeffrey Tambor, so, fine, do it your way."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | October 24, 2006 10:20 AM
A ledge just wasn't in the budget, but I think you'll be more than satisfied with our compromise solution. It was Janice's brainchild. Listen, I've got to get back to work but let me know how it goes.
Posted by: neb | October 24, 2006 10:29 AM
Your tie is obviously a clip on.
Al, I'm not bugging your office. Those were just rumors, though I must say that your desire to 'get more proficient at complex physical activity while rocking uncontrollably' is mighty suspicious. Regardless, you should take it slow.
Posted by: 99 | October 24, 2006 11:02 AM
This reminds me of that Clint Eastwood movie, Tightrope. Of course, there the tightrope was figurative, and the main character didn't die in the end. But otherwise . . .
Posted by: Mr. Helpmann | October 24, 2006 12:16 PM
I don't remember the joust competition on the old American Gladiators series being this high stakes.
Posted by: Mr. Helpmann | October 24, 2006 12:34 PM
Last time I tried that a bird shit on me.
Posted by: neb | October 24, 2006 12:45 PM
Hey there, if you die can I have your penis? Been thinking about adding on. The paperwork's right here.
Posted by: neb | October 24, 2006 12:50 PM
Just once, it would be nice if the gargoyle met us halfway.
Posted by: Mr. Helpmann | October 24, 2006 1:19 PM
"Ok, you win. I'll marry you."
"Good thing you're not wearing a skirt. The people on the floor below us could see riiight up it."
"Do me a favor and Windex my fingerprints off the glass when you come back in. I want this place to be spotless tomorrow."
"Please Paulie, give it up! You know your true calling is the human cannonball!"
Posted by: Kevin Dean Nicewanger | October 24, 2006 3:20 PM
"Look, I don't want to throw you off, but...if you fall, could you try to land in front of the Starbucks? You could win me a lot of money in the office pool. Thanks, you're a pal."
Posted by: Francis | October 24, 2006 4:30 PM
"The only person you're terrorizing is yourself, Ahmed."
Posted by: Francis | October 24, 2006 4:31 PM
“All this talk of Viagra and penile implants reminds me of a charming story about my own penis. And tightropes.”
Posted by: J.D. | October 24, 2006 4:47 PM
"Welcome to McDonalds. Can I take your order?"
Posted by: mypalmike | October 24, 2006 5:01 PM
You've made your point, Mr. Otis. Our building will buy your "elevator".
Posted by: Kevin G | October 24, 2006 10:56 PM
"I know, you're right, usually a trampoline is a lot wider. But as you get it going, you'll notice that it makes up in bounce what it lacks in girth."
Posted by: Vance | October 24, 2006 11:29 PM
Frankly, of all the proposals for the World Trade Center Memorial, this was my least favorite.
Posted by: Kevin G | October 25, 2006 9:50 AM
Hey, Bob, have you seen my medication that I take for that split personality thing? This might not be the best day for Suzy The Tightrope Cutting Schoolgirl to come out, considering how much work I have to do.
Posted by: Mr. Helpmann | October 25, 2006 9:53 AM
"Oh, look at the scaredy-cat who needs to use a *pole* to walk on the *tightrope*. B-cuck! B-cuck! Does baby want a
blanket, too?"
Posted by: Francis | October 25, 2006 11:37 AM
"As we are on a low budget, this is a drawing of Toronto standing in for New York."
Posted by: J.D. | October 25, 2006 2:45 PM
It's your wife. Are you here?
Posted by: Span | October 25, 2006 4:13 PM
"I'm telling you, this is a really bad idea. Yes, that giant TV antenna has a lot of play in it, but now you've bent it back as far as it'll go, and no, that stick will not help you fly to safety once it springs back."
"WAIT! Come back in! There's a new caption contest, and this time we get to vote! Supposedly."
Posted by: Vance | October 25, 2006 5:43 PM
"You're wife's on the phone.
She's leaving you".
Posted by: Greg | October 25, 2006 7:34 PM
"Harry, come back! The big dog is gone!"
Posted by: Greg | October 25, 2006 7:43 PM
"I wish I was taller."
Posted by: jason | October 26, 2006 9:33 AM
Let's wrap this up, IT just called and we're going wireless.
Posted by: Dex | October 26, 2006 8:57 PM
"If you start to lose it, try aiming for one of those cars covered in spooge."
Posted by: RichM | October 26, 2006 9:37 PM
" So I hear Marcy's been fucking a real cave man"
Posted by: MousePharts | October 27, 2006 2:45 AM
"Martin Short called. He wants his _______________ back." a) boyish charm; b) narcissistic tendencies; c) undetectable toupé.
Posted by: J.D. | October 27, 2006 8:30 AM
"It's OK, Tom. You can come back in! They've rescued Radosh's files!"
"He's still out there, everyone! I told you he couldn't have gotten far!"
"Bob, you're the only one who hasn't signed Millie's birthday card. Come back inside - we've got Krispy Kreme! Bob? Bob?"
"Acme Tightrope just called. They need to recall your pole."
Posted by: gary | October 27, 2006 11:27 AM
Rush Limbaugh just said that the waggling of both ends of your pole means that you're just faking it.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | October 27, 2006 3:45 PM
Worst. Juggler. Ever.
Posted by: Adam | October 27, 2006 6:07 PM
...and my drycleaning is all the way at the end.
Posted by: Kat | October 28, 2006 12:40 AM
"This reminds me--I really ought to back up my hard drive."
"Your tie--it's over your shoulder!"
Posted by: David | October 29, 2006 12:26 AM
"Oh great, brilliant, Thompson - you just lost the buckets off of both ends. Now what are you planning to do?"
Posted by: Vance | October 29, 2006 1:50 AM
"Getting there is the easy part. Extracting the tampon from the unconscious female giant... Well, I would have dressed differently. That's all I'm saying."
Posted by: J | October 29, 2006 1:08 PM
"Before you get any further, I'm going to need to have you come back in and sign the release."
"My underestanding is that it's normally done WITHOUT shoes..."
"Are you sure you'll be OK without your special tightrope shoes?"
"Quit being such a drama queen and come back in off that clothing line."
Posted by: Michael | October 29, 2006 2:36 PM
"Big fucking deal. You still can't balance your goddam checkbook."
Posted by: David | October 29, 2006 6:53 PM
You're overreacting, Ben. If I had a nickel for every window washer who called me a 'cocksucker', I 'd have six window washers buried under my porch, and one in the crawlspace.
Posted by: Mr. Helpmann | October 29, 2006 7:05 PM
I see that there should be a poll but I'm not seeing choices (in either Firefox or Safari for a Mac).
Posted by: Charles | October 30, 2006 12:49 AM
Drawing a blank page on the poll as well.
Posted by: Amy | October 30, 2006 10:48 AM
Goddamnit, I wanted to vote for "Be careful." Or is that one too genuinely funny?
Posted by: Scraps | October 30, 2006 11:40 AM
> Or is that one too genuinely funny?
I just liked John Tabin's version of the joke better.
Posted by: radosh | October 30, 2006 11:49 AM
"Yes sir, the complaint department is straight ahead."
Posted by: Robbo | November 5, 2006 8:33 PM
"Perhaps I should have mentioned this before but this wire is actually tied to my penis and unless you figure out a way to keep me excited I'll probably go limp."
Posted by: oRb | November 5, 2006 8:40 PM