March 11, 2009


Sorry, I got caught without Internet access for a week. Your regularly scheduled waste of time will resume shortly. But let's just write off this week's anti-caption contest, shall we?

Posted by Daniel Radosh


No problem-we can go visit family in Alabama or schoolkids in Germany...

Gun down comment spam by typing the first letter of this sentence here:


I'm glad that black people have nothing to see this week.

In Soviet Union, contest cancels judge!

The lack of contents here are obscene.

Come on, you knew that contest was only a clip-on.

I think I speak for many contest regulars when I say: I'm just glad Radosh is not in charge of sending out unemployment checks.

If the whole world wasn't falling apart around us, the cancellation of one small anti-caption contest would hardly matter. But is this a symbol of something larger? The last unraveling of a global captioning system? The moment when historians will say the system finally broke down and anti-capitalist captioning was finally revealed to be a bankrupt ideology? Or is this actually a bear market capitulation -- will the value of terrible captions actually increase in the weeks ahead? If so, will the value of those captions finally trickle down to the ones who need them most but appreciate them least?

p.s. in lieu of an anti-caption this week:

Radosh walks into a bar where there are several chalk body outlines on the floor and the bartender says:

"Thank God you're back. It's been dead in here all week."


"I brought along 2 small comments... do you mind?"

Damn it, I worked on my anti-captions all week, just to be frustrated again. Futility, you crazy bastard, how the hell are you?

I'm victimized by facing my haunts.

It's ok, baby, your mother loves you and you're good in bed.

stop jerking us around, we know you love facebook more than this blog!

I found that if you automate your caption contest, you can significantly cut down on the amount of work you need to do. Mostly because your regulars will start to hate your site and stop visiting.

I'm so angry I just killed seven guys in a bar.

"Bar's closed, pal. I ain't servin' `till Keith Haring cleans his shit off my floor."

(Okay - contest or no contest, I finally got that one off my brain. Thanks!)

But, but, but . . . ah, heck, I'm a woman. I'm used to disappointment.

"Perkins here, representing taxes."

"The happy hours here are obscenely violent."

"Minivan fell through the roof and no one was wearing fucking seat belts."

If you don't have it, they will come anyway. "Anti-caption contest of Dreams"

"And *that's* why they call me the Swiss Gigolo."

"We're not allowed to serve drinks until 6 PM, sir, but until then help yourself to as many gingerbread cookies as you can eat."

"Welcome! Our specials today are liver and onions, steak and kidney pie, blood sausage, ladyfingers, and severed cock. Wait, forget you heard that last one."

"Come on in, but I'll tell you right now...don't order the chowder."

Daniel, Daniel, why do you hate me, Daniel? What have I done? What have I done to...Hey, wait...No!...Stop!...Don't taze me, bro!

Next week's (#185)cartoon shows two children on a teeter-totter. One child's head (presumably a boy)is a globe. The other one, clearly a girl, is playing a harp and has an enormous left foot. Balanced between them is a bible. In the background a crescent moon rises. Somebody's name is scribbled on the lawn.

Begin your comments now;

And the girl, looking at the moon, sez, "I'm haunted by the phases of my victims."

"Yes, many murders have occurred here recently. Fortunately we are fanatical Hindu converts, and sincerely believe that the physical body is illusory and our attachment to it delusional. We are also a bunch of drunks."

Who do you have to fuck to be rapture ready, and get a drink around here?

Trout, if it's any consolation, you win my anti-caption contest.

"Maybe it was a bad idea to let the African AIDS monkey set up beer pong."

Doc-The escaped murderer from contest #178 killed 7 people in here! I'll purchase more seating if you show me the stool samples in your briefcase.

Welcome to the Dahmer Lector Bar and Grill!
Specials are on the chalkboard!

Doc-Contact the CDC! We've received a salmonella tainted shipment of trout almondine!

Peanut butter sandwich?

We're doing "Death of a Salesman" The first seven shows were killer!

"If you think the winning captions are lame, check out this week's cartoon. It's so lame the chalk men can't even stand up for themselves."

"Newsflash, Radosh goes native! Quits Anti Caption Contest sponsorship to start the Anti Anti Caption Contest where the top 50 losers lose bottom honors and the top 3 winners are shot down by anti aircraft fire, prompting the local fire department to put them out of their abject misery. Damn, this weed is better than what Olympic swimmers smoke!"

A businessman walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The businessman says, "I'm just shocked to see that I've unwittingly walked into the aftermath of a grisly murder scene." The bartender says, "No, seriously, get the fuck out of my bar, you horse-faced freak."

"If you're another one of those product placement guys from the Coca-Cola Company, I'm gonna....Holy shit! I just realized something!"

Wait. By "write off" you mean both not post the new cartoon, and not award winners for the old one?

It's the beginning of the end.

Post a comment

Powered by
Movable Type 3.2