The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #246
al in laSubmit the worst possible caption for this week's New Yorker cartoon.
For last week's winner go here.
NOTE:Even in the face of persistent ridicule and chronic laziness, I have been uploading (and judging) the Caption Cartoon for several months. I have done this without serious incident.or meaningful reward. Now, it seems, there's some technical glitch. Let's not panic. I do not know who is at fault (although it's certainly not me!) but here's the deal: When I went to the site that enables me to upload the Anti-Cap Contest, I got this snotty little message: "Access denied for user." As you might imagine, I'm like, "Excuse me?" This SNAFU comes on the heels of complaints that last week's contest stopped accepting entries after 115.. At first, I gave it no mind, but now it's taken a serious turn as I am unable to post this week's cartoon .So, until we get this figured out I am putting the latest cartoon on my blog. Use the comments section to post your captions, I have not yet selected last week's winner, I went to a BBQ and there was a fireworks display in the park near our house so I'll have to get back to you.. (Happy Birthday America!!) -alinla
Comments
If you think you have the balls to sit in the Old Man's chair, you go for it Slick!
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 28, 2010 1:58 AM
Where the hell can he be? Do you think he knows we're going to terminate him.
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 28, 2010 2:04 AM
...terminate him?
My bad, next time I'll use the preview.
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 28, 2010 2:10 AM
Don't worry, the dildo is brand new.
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | June 28, 2010 3:36 AM
It's a hybrid.
Posted by: Jerk Store | June 28, 2010 3:38 AM
"Negroes sit at the back of the bus. Jews sit at the head of the table."
Posted by: dwilk | June 28, 2010 7:03 AM
"Man you should have seen the last boss. Flames and smoke came out of her head, and there was even blood, and she was still kicking. It better not take as long this time. I have a lunch date with Linda.
Posted by: Glenn | June 28, 2010 7:52 AM
“We just want to see you a little more amped up.”
Posted by: Rob | June 28, 2010 8:03 AM
"We're BP, and it represents the American consumer. Nice new logo!"
Posted by: Glenn | June 28, 2010 8:04 AM
"C'mon, McGaugh. Do you really think we'd electrocute you?"
Posted by: jazzy | June 28, 2010 8:33 AM
We're the Electric Company, what did you expect the CEO would sit in?
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 28, 2010 9:19 AM
The amperes here are obscene.
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 28, 2010 9:20 AM
That's not what I meant by "giving her the shocker".
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 28, 2010 9:24 AM
"I hope when it's your turn you will have the good sense not to defecate double-D's on the floor."
Posted by: Tim H | June 28, 2010 9:26 AM
"It's called objet d'art."
Posted by: Kathy H | June 28, 2010 9:28 AM
"Here at the One Hand Only Corporation we decided we needed some sort of distraction for the clients."
Posted by: Kathy H | June 28, 2010 9:49 AM
The thing on top is a reading lamp, I swear.
Posted by: boneguy | June 28, 2010 11:01 AM
Since Jones here forgot the trimming shears, we'll test it out on baldy.
Posted by: boneguy | June 28, 2010 11:12 AM
"The board recognizes the chair. It's Ted Bundy's."
Posted by: Damon | June 28, 2010 11:32 AM
So we came up with this new slogan: "I'm not just the President, I'm also a customer." What do you think, Mr. President?
Posted by: c1w | June 28, 2010 11:35 AM
"This baby will even straighten out YOUR Jew-Fro"
Posted by: M. Gibson | June 28, 2010 11:47 AM
"It's actually a toilet."
Posted by: Anonymous | June 28, 2010 11:55 AM
Well this is the way I was taught to play Russian Roulette.
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 28, 2010 12:46 PM
"Here at Barbaric.com we don't believe in Casual Fridays."
Posted by: Tim H | June 28, 2010 12:50 PM
"You gotta hand it to the boss -- the guy just keeps plugging away!"
Posted by: cta | June 28, 2010 12:52 PM
"OK, it's weird, but not as weird as that bar code over there tattooed on the back of Konrad's head."
Posted by: cta | June 28, 2010 1:01 PM
"Budget for a new break room microwave is denied. On an unrelated note, all Jews now have to wear the company-approved yarmulke while holding a bag of microwave popcorn."
Posted by: Damon | June 28, 2010 1:22 PM
"...and then we'll remove the straps once the hair dryer goes on."
Posted by: dwilk | June 28, 2010 3:08 PM
"The 'small people' have decided to electrocute you for being so fucking stupid."
Posted by: Tony H. | June 28, 2010 4:10 PM
"The chair? We put it there to distract you so Henderson could poison your coffee. You'll be dead in thirty seconds."
Posted by: Richard H | June 28, 2010 4:36 PM
"Is it dangerous? That depends on how you define danger. Would you believe far more people are killed in accidents involving dishwashing machines every year?"
Posted by: Richard H | June 28, 2010 4:39 PM
"Let's play musical chairs!" ~ my forty-four year old daughter
Posted by: Grant | June 28, 2010 4:39 PM
Hey fellas. I just wanted to tell you guys that I got chills, they're multiplying.
And I'm losing control,
Cause the power you're supplying
It's electrifying!
Posted by: Grant | June 28, 2010 4:42 PM
"Look, Billy, we're not here to discuss whether or not a 'corporation' has the same personality traits as what you call a 'psychopath.' All we know is that when a memo comes from corporate we're expected to act on it."
Posted by: Richard H | June 28, 2010 4:44 PM
What the fuck is this? When I told Bill to bring Capital Punishment to the next board meeting, I was talking about Big Pun's first album, "Capital PUNishment."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_MCBR_e4ZI
Posted by: Grant | June 28, 2010 4:47 PM
You know, Business Week was right."
Posted by: Glenn | June 28, 2010 4:49 PM
"Look, we're not mad, we just want to know: Did you mess with the hair growth machine?"
Posted by: c1w | June 28, 2010 4:57 PM
"It's on loan from MoMa's design collection."
Posted by: Kathy H | June 28, 2010 5:12 PM
“Well....., yeah, I think you’ll find it eclectic too.”
Posted by: Rob | June 28, 2010 5:24 PM
"Remember we are Pacific Gas & Electric . . . that's why there's a gas chamber at the other end of the table."
Posted by: left coast wayne | June 28, 2010 5:49 PM
"Fine. We won't play Musical Chairs then . . . there's just no sense of fun around here anymore."
Posted by: left coast wayne | June 28, 2010 6:00 PM
"Oh? Well, our branch in Salt Lake City has a firing squad."
Posted by: left coast wayne | June 28, 2010 6:04 PM
"Electricity, you stupid bastard! That's how we expect you to die."
Posted by: dwilk | June 28, 2010 6:07 PM
“’Why’, you ask? Because the guillotine just seemed so . . . so . . . so 18th century.”
Posted by: left coast wayne | June 28, 2010 6:18 PM
“Don’t say anything when he comes in. Let’s just see if he notices it before he sits down.”
Posted by: left coast wayne | June 28, 2010 6:19 PM
Let me tell you fellas, since winning the real Caption Contest and placing second the Anti-Cap, I am feeling less inclined to use this thing on myself.
Posted by: boneguy | June 28, 2010 6:20 PM
Still not talking, eh? Guys, strap in in the chair, and then, maybe...Oh shit. He doesn't have a mouth.
Posted by: Eric G | June 28, 2010 8:53 PM
Should say..
Still not talking, eh? Guys, strap him in in the chair, and then, maybe...Oh shit. He doesn't have a mouth
Posted by: Eric G | June 28, 2010 8:54 PM
No, Mr. Bond, I expected you to die. All it did was give you the frizzies.
Posted by: CRC | June 28, 2010 9:34 PM
"Hey, that's not funny."
Posted by: Deborah | June 28, 2010 9:38 PM
"You're in my chair."
Posted by: holden_c | June 28, 2010 9:45 PM
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to fry.
Posted by: CRC | June 28, 2010 10:02 PM
220... 221... whatever it takes.
Posted by: Michael Keaton | June 28, 2010 10:47 PM
"Your turn, Daryl -- get in the chair and tell us what you did to meet our sales goals this week."
Posted by: AW | June 28, 2010 11:31 PM
"Any volunteers to chair today's meeting?"
Posted by: Dave | June 28, 2010 11:35 PM
"It's part of Washington's new corporate regulatory scheme."
Posted by: Dave | June 28, 2010 11:36 PM
Okay... Kosar here thinks it's LeBron's turn for the big chair. All those in favor say
"AIIIIIEEEEE!!!"
Posted by: Cleveland | June 29, 2010 12:44 AM
"Let me tell you boneguy, since giving my mother-in-law a Dirty Sanchez after raping a chimpanzee, I am feeling less inclined to use this thing on myself."
Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2010 12:45 AM
When Gore comes in asking if we've gone Green, tell him we
went the extra Mile
Stephen King Style!
Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2010 12:58 AM
"Now that the season's over, let's open the table for discussion on the retrial of Kobe Bryant for rape."
Posted by: anono_miss | June 29, 2010 12:58 AM
"WHO THE FUCK MADE THIS COFFEE? SPEAK UP!"
Posted by: juan_valdez | June 29, 2010 1:03 AM
"Yes Mr. Bond, we expect you to come up with something less obvious than 'fry.'"
Posted by: alinla | June 29, 2010 1:19 AM
"Higgins, if you can look beyond the I'm dying an unimaginably horrible death part, that chair's better than a bus ride for reaching a vibrating, scrotal Nirvana"
Posted by: Grandma | June 29, 2010 1:48 AM
"Shut up, Bob! Everyone knows it's dress down fry day."
Posted by: Rob | June 29, 2010 4:06 AM
"Hey tribble head, what's your last meal request?"
Posted by: Glenn | June 29, 2010 8:54 AM
"We need to start generating some buzz."
Posted by: Jared S. | June 29, 2010 12:06 PM
"You know, we wouldn't have to have these postmortems if you guys would spend just a little more time pressing the flesh."
Posted by: Jared S. | June 29, 2010 12:17 PM
"I agree that this is a pretty killer app, but what if we took a shotgun approach instead?"
Posted by: Jared S. | June 29, 2010 12:22 PM
"Thanks Larry for testing out this sweet new perm machine."
Posted by: wizalt | June 29, 2010 1:22 PM
"Don't you know a metaphor when you see one?"
Posted by: Gary P | June 29, 2010 2:43 PM
"It used to take quarters, but now you just scan the bar code on the back of Mort's head."
Posted by: Gary P | June 29, 2010 2:46 PM
"...And, it's a double-throw single-pull, Bitch!"
Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2010 2:53 PM
Frankenstein will be here in less than five minutes; do we go with AC or DC?
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 29, 2010 3:00 PM
No Mr. Bond, alinla normally doesn't trash our entries until the contest is closed. Let's give him the chair.
Posted by: CRC | June 29, 2010 3:05 PM
This is gonna be fucking hilarious; I just slipped a whoopee cushion on his seat!
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 29, 2010 3:17 PM
Shit! I forgot to ask him if it hurts.
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 29, 2010 3:26 PM
So, what we need is for you to write an opinion explaining why this isn't torture.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | June 29, 2010 3:44 PM
Certainly, Anonymous' sexual behavior will raise a few eyebrows, but if we ignore his obvious cry for help, no chimps or cougars will be safe.
Posted by: boneguy | June 29, 2010 4:48 PM
"Call me old-fashioned, but I think that chair is out of place for this jury room."
Posted by: Tim H | June 29, 2010 4:53 PM
"I wouldn't worry about it . . . we haven't paid our electric bill in months."
Posted by: blw | June 29, 2010 5:23 PM
“I think we’re all a little tired of the old man’s ‘fire-breathing/smoking ears’ as just a metaphor."
Posted by: blw | June 29, 2010 5:30 PM
“C’mon . . . just try it. Nothing’s gonna’ happen, I promise. Just one time. C’mon, you big pussy . . .”
Posted by: blw | June 29, 2010 5:31 PM
"Well, short of crucifixion, Mr. Hayward, our PR department told us frankly this was the best direction for British Petroleum at this moment. Not us. Just you."
Posted by: Marshal Trigg | June 29, 2010 5:31 PM
“I’m sorry . . . I understood the theme of this meeting to be ‘elocution’ . . .”
Posted by: blw | June 29, 2010 5:36 PM
"The volts are obscene."
"When the boss comes in, act natural. When the police show up, look surprised."
"Yes I'm holding hands with this young man, and yes, we are engaged. Anyone who has a problem with it, they know where they can sit."
Posted by: Marshal | June 29, 2010 5:36 PM
"Holy FUCK I have to take a shit."
Posted by: Marshal | June 29, 2010 5:38 PM
"You may be wondering something right now: Why does the gentleman across from us have a bar code implanted on his scalp? He still chalks it up to youthful indiscretion but we like to say it's because he is a value to our company."
Posted by: Marshal | June 29, 2010 6:04 PM
I see you've wiped that smirk off your face.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | June 29, 2010 7:27 PM
Not only does it run 50,000 volts of hot, murderous eletricity through you, it doesn't even swivel.
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | June 29, 2010 10:21 PM
May I warm that coffee for you?
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | June 29, 2010 10:22 PM
The post-mortums can be pretty darm embarressing--we suggest you use the men's room now to avoid suchlike.
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | June 29, 2010 10:24 PM
"Let's just give McGaugh a few more minutes."
Posted by: Eunice | June 29, 2010 10:26 PM
Could you do me a solid and hold onto my Swanson's Pot Pie? Lunch is happening as soon as you're dead!
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | June 29, 2010 10:27 PM
"Hey, I'm over here, Mr. Curious!"
Posted by: Greg | June 30, 2010 12:46 AM
"I've got the thing until seven o'clock..what'ya say?"
Posted by: Greg | June 30, 2010 12:48 AM
"Now, wouldn't you be surprised if he came back?"
Posted by: Greg | June 30, 2010 1:29 AM
"Sure, it's sixties, but I think it works here."
Posted by: Greg | June 30, 2010 1:31 AM
"I guess you start counting backwards...."
Posted by: Greg | June 30, 2010 1:32 AM
"It's the only way we can get rid of the women and blacks without being discriminatory."
Posted by: Gary P | June 30, 2010 7:05 AM
"Well, back in my day, Mr. Eisner, this used to be known as an E-Coupon ride!"
Posted by: blw | June 30, 2010 1:11 PM
"At the moment, it's the cheapest seat on StubHub®."
Posted by: Tim H | June 30, 2010 4:39 PM
The penalty for screwing the boss's daughter may come as a shock to you.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | June 30, 2010 6:24 PM
"Star Trek XIII: Where the fuck is the Gorn? I'm gonna prime-direct current his sorry lizard ass until he starts firing Tholian webs out his intergalactic ovipositor."
Posted by: Zephram Cochrane | June 30, 2010 6:28 PM
"So any ideas on how we can pitch this account?"
Posted by: Dave | June 30, 2010 8:14 PM
"I know its barbaric and painful and countries around the world condemn us because of it, but we are still going to do annual performance reviews."
Posted by: Dex | June 30, 2010 8:35 PM
"We forgot a wet sponge, may I use your hair?"
Posted by: Brian L | June 30, 2010 8:57 PM
We believe we've found a cure for the 4 hour erection. Oh, and we're promoting you to head of product testing.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | June 30, 2010 9:10 PM
"On the day of my judgment, when I stand before God, and He asks me why did I kill one of his true miracles, what am I gonna say? That it was my job? My job?"
Posted by: greenmile | June 30, 2010 10:53 PM
"And then we bring the parrots back."
Posted by: minderbender | July 1, 2010 1:49 AM
That cta is so insensitive, perhaps if we electrocute him, he'll have a little more respect for what poor Konrad had to endure in getting that tattoo.
Posted by: somebody other than Konrad | July 1, 2010 2:23 AM
"You knew we were going to grill you today. Did you think we were kidding?"
Posted by: dwilk | July 1, 2010 3:49 AM
You can't sit there. It's either at the head of the table or on my lap. If it helps your decision, I'm not wearing pants.
Posted by: Eric G | July 1, 2010 9:44 AM