The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #245
al in laSubmit the worst possible caption for this week's New Yorker cartoon.
WINNER (Tie)
Wipe that damn smirk off your face. The voluminous ejaculate from your improbably large penis to which I'm clinging for dear life is contaminating a perfectly good cup of coffee. -- Eric G
WINNER (Tie)
The fear was that they stood to lose their lives to the storm. The irony was that it would be the gastric acids of an 8-year old that would take them screaming to their deaths in a sea of bile. -- Glenn
SECOND PLACE
The Franklin Mint proudly offers this priceless teacup commemorating of the near drowning of Simon LeBon for three low payments of 17.99 + S&H. -- boneguy .
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Gesundheit.-- Deja vu
For additional Honorable Mentions and a Judge's Comment for each winner go here.
Comments
"Picture you upon my knee
just tea for two and two for tea just me for you
and you for me..."
Posted by: Ima First | June 21, 2010 3:05 AM
"No, I will not 'buck up.' And for what it's worth I'm not sure 'A rising tsunami lifts all boats' is a saying. Or even an apt metaphor, come to think of it."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 21, 2010 4:11 AM
"Teacup? Teacup? You ass, it's a porringer!"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 21, 2010 4:15 AM
"It's the perfect storm... in a teacup."
Posted by: Richard H | June 21, 2010 6:42 AM
"I'll feel a lot better when we get to dry biscuit."
Posted by: Richard H | June 21, 2010 6:42 AM
"You know that expression 'storm in a teacup'? You don't really appreciate it till you've been in an actual storm in an actual teacup."
Posted by: Richard H | June 21, 2010 6:43 AM
"I told you something strong was brewing."
Posted by: Richard H | June 21, 2010 6:44 AM
"Don't worry Mr. Hayward. It's just a little yacht race. No one will mind if you attend."
Posted by: Richard H | June 21, 2010 6:46 AM
I can't even fathom how deeply we are in trouble.
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 21, 2010 7:32 AM
Buck up, Nigel, it's not so terrifying if you calmly assess how we can just stand up and reach the edge in one step.
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 21, 2010 7:36 AM
A fitting end for the HMS Cliche.
Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 21, 2010 7:40 AM
"No, Steven, I'm afraid it must be real; we're far too poorly rendered to be trompe-l'oeil."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 21, 2010 7:42 AM
The fear was that they stood to lose their lives to the storm. The irony was that it would be the gastric acids of an 8-year old that would take them screaming to their deaths in a sea of bile.
Posted by: Glenn | June 21, 2010 8:05 AM
"You have to put the situation in perspective! Because Gahan Wilson sure as hell didn't!"
Posted by: Anonyrat | June 21, 2010 8:54 AM
The only thing that saved Kevin that day was an unusual fetish that involved climbing and then rubbing his genitals against the top of the ship's mast. The rest of the crew died.
Posted by: Anonyrat | June 21, 2010 9:03 AM
For God's sake, don't just sit there staring at us, drink the damn tea!
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 21, 2010 10:31 AM
In a brief moment of clarity, it occurred to Joe that joining the Tea Party movement might have been rather naive.
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 21, 2010 10:46 AM
BP's afternoon tea reading
Posted by: Brian L | June 21, 2010 11:20 AM
This is what happens when you cross your "T"s
Posted by: LK | June 21, 2010 11:46 AM
"Folgers, good till the last man drops."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 21, 2010 1:26 PM
"Hold on, just a few more stokes of this huge pole and we'll have enough cream for your coffee, Mr. Cheney."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 21, 2010 1:30 PM
"I've heard of a tempest in a teapot, but this is most unexpected."
"When you said "tempest in a teacup" I assumed you were referring to the Shakespeare Romance, his final staged production, in which the charcter of Prospero is delivers a touching farewell speech that many see as Shakespeare's own message announcing his intention to retire to Avon, the land of his birth. Instead, we're both going to die."
Posted by: Trout Almondine | June 21, 2010 1:30 PM
"Hold on, I see Land-O-Lakes Butter and some toast."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 21, 2010 1:33 PM
"Oh no, it's Mr. Bond and he expects us to die."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 21, 2010 1:34 PM
"I told you to take the south current not the north current, Mr. Tidy Bowl Man!"
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 21, 2010 1:37 PM
"Hold on! I haven't seen 'er blow like this for Oolong time!"
Posted by: chucklesinri | June 21, 2010 2:03 PM
"Ah Splenda! Ah Humanity!"
Posted by: Bart | June 21, 2010 3:05 PM
East Indian Coffee - It's damn good coffee. Arrrrggggggghhhh!
Posted by: Grant | June 21, 2010 3:38 PM
In New England they have Nor'easters. In England they have NorTeasters. And they are not to be fucked with.
Posted by: Grant | June 21, 2010 3:43 PM
"Ordinary Coffee: Insert hilarious Conrad and Buck Jarrett reference here."
Posted by: Dr. Berger | June 21, 2010 4:03 PM
I imagine that Gordon Lightfoot's song about this wreck will be several verses shorter.
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 21, 2010 4:18 PM
"Nor is this worthy of reworking the Tragically Hip's 'Nautical Disaster'"
Posted by: Anonymous | June 21, 2010 4:36 PM
"Please, Al, stop doing such vast quantities of acid."
Posted by: Jared S. | June 21, 2010 4:42 PM
"Is nothing sacred!"
Posted by: Glenn | June 21, 2010 4:47 PM
Oh, no, not a cruller! Not a fucking cruller!
Posted by: MrMoonPie | June 21, 2010 5:15 PM
"This mission is a total disaster! I knew should've signed on with the miniaturized submarine crew."
Posted by: cta | June 21, 2010 6:21 PM
"We might have made it if you hadn't collided with those damn sugar cubes."
Posted by: cta | June 21, 2010 6:26 PM
"There's a gale in my soup."
Posted by: Walt | June 21, 2010 6:34 PM
The stirrers here are mean.
Posted by: CRC | June 21, 2010 6:55 PM
This isn't the America's Cup, asshole.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | June 21, 2010 7:06 PM
"Help us and together we'll sue the makers of Soylent Coffee."
Posted by: Anonymous | June 21, 2010 7:22 PM
One winner and no runners-up or honorable mentions last week. I don't give a fuck if I drown or not.
Posted by: Anonymous | June 21, 2010 10:31 PM
The Franklin Mint proudly offers this priceless teacup commemorating of the near drowning of Simon LeBon for three low payments of 17.99 + S&H.
Posted by: boneguy | June 21, 2010 10:58 PM
"Stay tuned to TBS for 'Movie in your Breakfast'. Today's feature: 'The Truman Show'."
Posted by: RV | June 21, 2010 11:14 PM
"Don't worry, it's a protective cup."
Posted by: NAMBY | June 22, 2010 1:35 AM
"Giiilllliiiiigaaaaannn!!!"
Posted by: The Skipper | June 22, 2010 2:34 AM
If you don't get me out of here right fucking now, I'm gonna leave a stain in this cup you'll never get out!
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 22, 2010 2:54 AM
If you don't get me out of here right fucking now, I'm gonna leave a stain in this cup you'll never get out!
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 22, 2010 3:10 AM
Fucking Wilson, always making a big deal out of nothing!
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 22, 2010 3:19 AM
"Overall, it's still the least disturbing tea party I've witnessed all year."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | June 22, 2010 7:48 AM
"Oh God, how it burns!"
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | June 22, 2010 7:59 AM
Worst. Pole dancer. Ever.
Posted by: Glenn | June 22, 2010 8:33 AM
"Fuck you, Aslan!"
Posted by: c1w | June 22, 2010 9:03 AM
"Star Trek XII: Darmok 2 --Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra: Kirk and Gorn in Coffee (with hands clenched)."
Posted by: C. Epsilon 12 | June 22, 2010 11:58 AM
"It's cappuccino, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you?"
Posted by: Anonyrat | June 22, 2010 12:46 PM
Oh My God! She is going to add the Sanka! Jesus Christ! Who still uses Sanka?
Posted by: Blue Sponge | June 22, 2010 1:32 PM
"How 'bout a nice big cup of drowning, you diminutive losers?"
Posted by: Anonymous | June 22, 2010 1:35 PM
High tea. High seas. I hate 'em both, but combine them and it's a real bitch.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | June 22, 2010 1:51 PM
"Hey, Bob, you were right! From up here I can see -- the world IS round!"
Posted by: cta | June 22, 2010 3:06 PM
"I've decided I like 'teabagging' better than 'teaboating'! Two nuts dying in a whole cup is worse than dying to cup two nuts in a hole!"
Posted by: Damon | June 22, 2010 3:53 PM
"We're fucked, just like those people trying to caption this."
Posted by: Rob | June 22, 2010 6:33 PM
Who says going out for a cup of coffee is a safe first date?
Posted by: Rocko | June 22, 2010 6:56 PM
Oh shit, we're captionsizing.
Posted by: Rocko | June 22, 2010 7:01 PM
Cue the sun.
Posted by: Dex | June 22, 2010 9:57 PM
"I'll probably never get another chance to tell you this, Derek, but I've always secretly been in love with you."
Posted by: Steve_O | June 22, 2010 10:09 PM
"All the times I've heard that saying and I never realized that it meant utterly fucked."
Posted by: Steve_O | June 22, 2010 10:11 PM
It's a tempest in a teaPOT, not a teaCUP. Caption accordingly folks.
Posted by: Anonymous | June 22, 2010 10:50 PM
"Sailboat in a teacup? Dumb fuckin' idea. I should just put the guy on a bridge."
Posted by: edvard_munch | June 23, 2010 12:54 AM
As the wind took my last precious cup of tea, spinning it away into the gloom and the spray, I saw, for one instant, reflected in its impossibly smooth surface, my own terrified face -- and my very first glimpse of the hull-eating zombies who had brought this seeming end upon me, whose fates would later prove to be inextricably entwined with my own, and whom I would come to know in ways more intimate than I had ever imagined possible.
Posted by: Walt | June 23, 2010 11:27 AM
"Say... aren't you the map navigator of that 16 year old girl who tried to sail around the world???"
"The sea was angry that day, my friends... Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli" ... George Costanza
'Sargent Dan... Your legs! They grew back!"
"Best... acid... ever!"
Posted by: Johnny V | June 23, 2010 12:05 PM
The boaters here are caffeined.
Posted by: CRC | June 23, 2010 7:25 PM
Hey George, the ocean's running low on *shrimp*!!! (I thought of this before Johnny V's post)
Posted by: Hey George | June 23, 2010 8:55 PM
Walrus penis ahoy!
Posted by: lanemcclain | June 23, 2010 9:45 PM
This is why I prefer women with a larger cup size.
Posted by: Rocko | June 23, 2010 10:34 PM
Get away from me! Now, grab hold of the rim, the rim of the CUP, pervert.
Posted by: Anonymous | June 23, 2010 10:43 PM
We are fucked. Fucked, fucked, and we're getting a divorce. You look so fucking stupid right now and I want a divorce.
Posted by: Marshal | June 24, 2010 12:05 AM
Is this a cup of tea or am I in Satan's asshole right now? Right, I am Satan's asshole. Fuck you.
Posted by: Marshal | June 24, 2010 12:09 AM
We did not accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior!
Posted by: Marshal | June 24, 2010 12:16 AM
Who gives a rats ass about antioxidant, I say this green tea tastes like SHIP!
Posted by: Li Poe | June 24, 2010 12:48 AM
"well, the Jerk Store called... they are all out of YOU!" ....George Costanza.
Posted by: Johnny V | June 24, 2010 8:19 AM
We were doing just fine until some jerkwater tilted us, cup and all, at a 45 degree angle
Posted by: Sheldon | June 24, 2010 9:14 AM
"I asked for decaf, you asshole"
Posted by: Grandma | June 24, 2010 12:51 PM
"George, we're about to die, so I have to tell you something -- I've been pissing in the tea this whole trip!"
Posted by: cta | June 24, 2010 1:18 PM
They're actually having a wonderful trip. This is just how beings in the alternate teacup universe show happiness and contentment.
Posted by: mort drucker | June 24, 2010 2:56 PM
You call this a storm, Poseidon? Ha ha. I haven't even lashed myself to this mast. I've sailed flat Coke bottles with more fizz than this!
Posted by: mort drucker | June 24, 2010 3:11 PM
Holy crap! Two inch waves! We're doomed.
Posted by: mort drucker | June 24, 2010 3:14 PM
One more sip by that Parkinson suffering giant and we will crest over the brim to freedom. Now remember our pact: no mention of cannibalism in the memoir.
Posted by: mort drucker | June 24, 2010 3:20 PM
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to drydock.
Posted by: CRC | June 24, 2010 3:31 PM
The oils here are obscene.
Posted by: CRC | June 24, 2010 5:29 PM
Kamikazes, those crazy bastards! How the hell are you gonna save us?
Posted by: CRC | June 24, 2010 6:03 PM
Lipton's new Cup-a-death.
Posted by: Dave | June 24, 2010 10:19 PM
"We're going to sail off the lip of the known teacup and into the unknown saucer abyss below!"
Posted by: Dave | June 24, 2010 10:22 PM
Funny, this reminds me of that kids book "Little Toot". Whew! What a day in the library that was.
Posted by: raquel | June 25, 2010 12:40 AM
"Fine! It's not a tempest in a teacup OR teapot! It's a cyclone in a coffee cup! Is that better, you alliterative bastard?"
Posted by: chuckles | June 25, 2010 11:38 AM
"No I didn't say 'I saw a frigate', I said, 'Aw, frig it!'"
Posted by: cta | June 25, 2010 11:40 AM
"Hella funny, God, but I'm ready for my cup to overfloweth now."
Posted by: Damien | June 25, 2010 1:40 PM
Thank Poseidon you had a pubic hair floating in your cup; now I can do a proper job of lashing myself to this mast!
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | June 25, 2010 1:56 PM
Help! We're sinking!
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | June 26, 2010 2:05 AM
"This truly is Brownian motion in Brobdingnag!"
Posted by: Francis | June 26, 2010 4:25 AM
"I think I have a right to this 'pouty faced look'. Hey, idiot, stop chewing what's left of the boat!"
Posted by: Glenn | June 26, 2010 7:25 AM
"Gesundheit."
Posted by: Deja vu | June 26, 2010 9:44 AM
The story of two Mexicans, one tiny boat and a ratty sail adrift in a turbulent sea of cafe' con leche- Be sure to see "Cuatro Cinco".
Posted by: RV | June 26, 2010 9:46 AM
"I think BP's new containment strategy leaves something to be desired."
Posted by: K.T. | June 26, 2010 5:30 PM
Wipe that damn smirk off your face. The voluminous ejaculate from your improbably large penis to which I'm clinging for dear life is contaminating a perfectly good cup of coffee.
Posted by: Eric G | June 26, 2010 8:25 PM
"One by one I'm putting those allegations to rest."
Posted by: dwilk | June 26, 2010 9:46 PM