The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #243
al in laSubmit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
WINNER
Seems like lately the terrorists are just phoning it in.-- JohnnyB
SECOND PLACE
"Fucking Talibanmarketers."-- Wile E. Chipotle
HONORABLE MENTION
See? Phone blows up, dry sheets on my side. You see a spider, and we have to get a new mattress." --Damon
For additional Honorable Mentions and a judge's comment for each winner go here.
Comments
"Fusilli, you crazy bas....."
Posted by: jazzy | May 31, 2010 7:29 AM
"It's Princess Diana. She had some kind of warning about a land line."
Posted by: Glenn | May 31, 2010 8:04 AM
It was for you.
Posted by: JohnnyB | May 31, 2010 8:07 AM
Seems like lately the terrorists are just phoning it in.
Posted by: JohnnyB | May 31, 2010 8:10 AM
"Honey, it's your ex ploding again."
Posted by: dwilk | May 31, 2010 9:17 AM
Osama, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you still on the loose?
Posted by: CRC | May 31, 2010 9:44 AM
Honey, are we overdrawn again?
Posted by: CRC | May 31, 2010 9:46 AM
No shit Mrs. Bond, they expected me to die.
Posted by: CRC | May 31, 2010 9:50 AM
It's for you.
Posted by: CRC | May 31, 2010 9:51 AM
"Can I borrow your cell phone?"
Posted by: Richard H | May 31, 2010 9:57 AM
———The funny thing is, I still hear a ringing.———
Posted by: Richard H | May 31, 2010 9:58 AM
"I think we have been too complacent about our personal security. That was a wake-up call."
Posted by: Richard H | May 31, 2010 10:00 AM
(5 seconds earlier) I guess you're wondering why I called you today.
Posted by: CRC | May 31, 2010 10:00 AM
———You know how you think you———re dreaming and you pick up an the phone and the receiver explodes in your hand? And then you realize it———s not a dream? Kinda sucks.———
Posted by: Richard H | May 31, 2010 10:00 AM
"It's a good thing I was wearing my lucky pajamas."
Posted by: Richard H | May 31, 2010 10:02 AM
"You got one of those giant pillows under there, or did you develop your mother's front-butt overnight?"
Posted by: moosejuice | May 31, 2010 10:34 AM
"Fuck! The blow-up preventers failed."
Posted by: Rob | May 31, 2010 10:35 AM
I'm sorry for some reason I didn't hear you. The condoms are in which drawer?
Posted by: boneguy | May 31, 2010 10:50 AM
"Stop snoring will ya? I can't hear a goddamm thing!"
Posted by: Rob | May 31, 2010 11:21 AM
"It was the neighbors———they wanted to welcome us to our new home in East Jerusalem."
Posted by: G. Had | May 31, 2010 11:28 AM
"Somebody's out to kill us, and it gets worse. Our walls are horsehair plaster."
Posted by: dwilk | May 31, 2010 12:06 PM
I probably should've told you I was with the Crips before we got married.
Posted by: LK | May 31, 2010 12:44 PM
I'm hunted in strange places by my victims.
Posted by: Rocko | May 31, 2010 1:05 PM
"Is this how Lady Gaga's Telephone exploded onto the Web?"
Posted by: Glenn | May 31, 2010 1:13 PM
"Go back to sleep, Honey. It's just the New Yorker calling."
Posted by: holden_c | May 31, 2010 2:38 PM
"I need to borrow your diaphragm."
Posted by: dwilk | May 31, 2010 2:47 PM
"Fucking Talibanmarketers."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | May 31, 2010 2:55 PM
"I have to vote for The Hurt Locker."
Posted by: Glenn | May 31, 2010 2:57 PM
The answerers here are smithereens.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 31, 2010 3:06 PM
"It's your mother. I have killer ID."
Posted by: Rob | May 31, 2010 3:18 PM
Wow that blew my Ironman suit clean off. now I'm Stark naked
Posted by: Stan Lee | May 31, 2010 3:43 PM
Lucy you got some exploding to do! Like where's my twin bed
you firecrotch hoe-bag
Posted by: D. Arnaz | May 31, 2010 3:47 PM
"Very funny. April fucking Fools to you, too, dear."
Posted by: Dave | May 31, 2010 4:13 PM
"I can't keep anything from you."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 31, 2010 4:19 PM
———Damn your mother . . . she has no right to speak to me that way!———
Posted by: blw | May 31, 2010 4:32 PM
———Honey . . . we still have the Caller ID feature, don———t we?———
Posted by: blw | May 31, 2010 4:32 PM
———That does it . . . we get on the National Do Not Call Registry today!———
Posted by: blw | May 31, 2010 4:33 PM
———Unbelieveable . . . I didn———t even know this phone had an Al Queda app!———
Posted by: blw | May 31, 2010 4:33 PM
———Whoa . . . I guess somebody doesn———t like unsolicited phone calls this late at night.———
Posted by: blw | May 31, 2010 4:34 PM
"I think the snooze alarm on this clock/phone needs just a tad bit of adjusting."
Posted by: blw | May 31, 2010 4:36 PM
"A black man's penis? I was thinking it looked more like a smoking gun."
Posted by: Glenn | May 31, 2010 4:48 PM
"You forgot to put us on the Do Not Detonate list."
Posted by: Richard H | May 31, 2010 4:51 PM
"No, Mr Bond. I expect you to dial"
Posted by: Anonymous | May 31, 2010 5:03 PM
"The call started out great; She said she wanted to blow me."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 31, 2010 5:05 PM
———I don———t know who it was, dear . . . it was a bad connection.———
Posted by: blw | May 31, 2010 5:15 PM
———It was that guy from last week with the suit and surfboard . . . he was really mad . . . he thought we were making fun of him.———
Posted by: blw | May 31, 2010 5:16 PM
Fucking bedside bombers.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 31, 2010 6:40 PM
Gotta go, honey. They need me down at the reactor.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 31, 2010 6:50 PM
"OH MY GOD! DID YOU SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"
Posted by: Deborah | May 31, 2010 7:13 PM
Seriously, we are the only ones who don't have a cordless phone.
Posted by: JohnnyB | May 31, 2010 8:10 PM
"At least it wasn't connected to an oil well."
Posted by: Damon | May 31, 2010 9:07 PM
"Nice try. Your turn...pick up the lamp."
Posted by: Damon | May 31, 2010 9:26 PM
Honey, you know that guy 'Al in L.A.?' Is his last name 'Qaida?' [acknowledgment @blw]
Posted by: Stan D. Payne | May 31, 2010 10:15 PM
Go get your cel phone and call 911. My face just got blown off. Now!
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | May 31, 2010 10:16 PM
The first "Shrek" is at 11:30am. Are you sure you want to get up that early?
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | May 31, 2010 10:21 PM
It's fucking Domino's again. How about I just order a pizza and get them off my back? We don't have to eat the shit...
Posted by: Don Martin | May 31, 2010 10:23 PM
Lightning storms really are dangerous. And here's the proof...
Posted by: Stan D. Payne | May 31, 2010 10:30 PM
Well Dr. Smith will be happy about this: I just came, a lot.
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | May 31, 2010 10:31 PM
I just pissed, shit, came and farted all at once. And burped too. Let me try it again with you video-ing, and I'll become an internet sensation!
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | May 31, 2010 10:45 PM
Sheesh, some people really don't like being put on hold!
Posted by: Sheryl Kubovnik | May 31, 2010 10:48 PM
Uh, know what, fuck the other call. You were saying?
Posted by: Mr. Sheryl Kubovnik | May 31, 2010 10:56 PM
"Fine, I'll let Prince Albert out of the can. Geesh."
Posted by: Anonymous | June 1, 2010 12:40 AM
Despite over a year of safe use, Larry's hydrogen-filled telephone eventually exploded in a cataclysmic display of fire and smoke.
Posted by: Anonymous | June 1, 2010 12:57 AM
"Is there anyone else there besides your wife? He keeps hanging up."
Posted by: p_floyd | June 1, 2010 2:15 AM
"See what happens when we appear in a Cheney cartoon?"
Posted by: m_whitman | June 1, 2010 2:21 AM
Worst. Phone sex. Ever.
Posted by: Alex F | June 1, 2010 3:05 AM
"Aw, fuck. Who do I call if there's something wrong with the phone? Wait, aw double-fuck, how do I call if there's something wrong with the phone? Aw, geez-louise...Louise? Answer me, Louise. These are serious questions. They may sound silly but I'm suffering from severe shock and internal bleeding."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 1, 2010 5:11 AM
"Talk about getting blown up on the wrong side of the bed! Now, I die."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 1, 2010 5:13 AM
"Well, these injuries are fatal. Tell your sister I loved her. And tell my wife I never wished her ill."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 1, 2010 5:15 AM
"Sure, but if the North Koreans had done this you well-fed European lefty anti-semites wouldn't even have noticed. Now, I die."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 1, 2010 5:17 AM
Great. Now what am I supposed to do with this four-hour erection?
Posted by: Eric G | June 1, 2010 9:47 AM
"Did you hear me? I said, 'my phone is blowing up.' You know, just like how the kids say it nowadays? Was the timely joke worth irreparable ear damage? Absolutely not."
Posted by: wizalt | June 1, 2010 9:53 AM
"Your mother just gave me the third degree."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 1, 2010 11:23 AM
"Remind me to turn my hearing aid down the next time your mother calls."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 1, 2010 11:24 AM
"That Ashton Kutcher is such a kidder."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 1, 2010 11:27 AM
"I think it was a misdial, some crazy lady was screaming, 'Here's your 3 a.m. call you PUNK ASS BITCH!'"
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 1, 2010 11:33 AM
"That was Brian L. He says he doesn't like the way I judge the anti-caps."
Posted by: Brian L | June 1, 2010 11:43 AM
if you pleased me more often I wouldn't have to resort to such excruciatingly hot phone sex.
Posted by: Amy E | June 1, 2010 12:04 PM
911 called us.
Posted by: boneguy | June 1, 2010 12:54 PM
"Honey it was BP; apparently they're our new phone service provider."
Posted by: Sarah | June 1, 2010 12:58 PM
"Al and Tipper Gore? Divorcing??"
Posted by: Tim H | June 1, 2010 1:03 PM
In Russia, 911 calls you.
Posted by: boneguy | June 1, 2010 1:10 PM
"Well, at least it wasn't as bad as last night's phone call."
Posted by: Kathy H | June 1, 2010 1:14 PM
"Donald Trump says 'You're fired!'"
Posted by: Tim H | June 1, 2010 1:32 PM
"It's that damn Emeril Lagasse."
Posted by: Kathy H | June 1, 2010 1:37 PM
"My eardrum burst, I have internal bleeding, and I think shrapnel lodged in my brain. Could you look any more disinterested?"
Posted by: Glenn | June 1, 2010 4:06 PM
"I guess that's a no."
Posted by: a | June 1, 2010 4:36 PM
"Honey, you're lucky we have an improbably wide bed."
Posted by: a | June 1, 2010 4:38 PM
"Just when you thought comcast couldn't get any worse."
Posted by: a | June 1, 2010 4:40 PM
"See? Phone blows up, dry sheets on my side. You see a spider, and we have to get a new mattress."
Posted by: Damon | June 1, 2010 6:11 PM
"There's no `666' in the smoke above my head. Phone? What phone?"
Posted by: Damon | June 1, 2010 6:42 PM
Our phone's been recalled.
Posted by: boneguy | June 1, 2010 7:19 PM
"I asked you for the number for the weather . . . not the Weathermen."
Posted by: blw | June 1, 2010 8:21 PM
"Isn't it funny? You hear a phone ring, and it could be anybody...but a ringing phone has to be answered, doesn't it?"
Posted by: therblig | June 1, 2010 8:34 PM
Angry Mets fans continue to torment a sleep-deprived Keith Hernandez.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | June 1, 2010 9:01 PM
"No, I swear, that's never happened to me before."
Posted by: Dave | June 1, 2010 9:36 PM
"They said their hot wings are really, really spicy."
Posted by: Dave | June 1, 2010 9:37 PM
These nightmares seem so real. Fucking PTSD. Happy Memorial Day, honey.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | June 1, 2010 9:39 PM
———Who the hell is Mr. Phelps?———
Posted by: Dex | June 1, 2010 10:34 PM
I was just sitting there taking a dump when BAM! it
hit me like a ... like a ton of bricks.
Posted by: Props to Tim H | June 1, 2010 10:37 PM
It's the Pharmacy, dear. Did you want an IUD or an IED?
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | June 1, 2010 10:41 PM
"867-530Shiiiit!"
Posted by: Anonymous | June 2, 2010 1:13 AM
birthday party
cheese cake
jelly bean
BOOM!
Posted by: not Mike S. | June 2, 2010 2:16 AM
All he said was
"Meet the Curve"
Posted by: Anonymous | June 2, 2010 2:18 AM
"Ih my loah joah hangih eally, eally low?"
Posted by: Glenn | June 2, 2010 8:54 AM
last time I buy a used Acme phone from that Wile E. Coyote guy.
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 2, 2010 10:50 AM
"Honey, I'm pretty sure the Witchita Lineman is dead."
Posted by: Estupido Yackson | June 2, 2010 11:39 AM
"What?"
Posted by: Anonymous | June 2, 2010 11:41 AM
"That was our marriage exploding, Tipper. Let's go back to sleep and call the media in the morning. On a different phone."
Posted by: Francis | June 2, 2010 12:28 PM
"Collect call -- that's the last time I accept the charges!"
Posted by: cta | June 2, 2010 12:39 PM
"Honey, I've made a lot of enemies. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. What was I thinking? When it comes to grudges they NEVER forget!"
Posted by: cta | June 2, 2010 12:47 PM
"Oh fuck. Honey, I mistook your vibrator for the phone and dialed it up to 11"
Posted by: cta | June 2, 2010 12:55 PM
"Honey, remind me to get an answering machine."
Posted by: Tim H | June 2, 2010 1:26 PM
"Round up the usual suspects."
Posted by: Kathy H | June 2, 2010 2:05 PM
"I don't know, I think he said his name was Mo Sod."
Posted by: cta | June 2, 2010 2:56 PM
"Ouchy-pooh."
Posted by: Chris | June 2, 2010 3:59 PM
"Who are you?"
Posted by: Tim H | June 2, 2010 5:19 PM
Fatally, you crazy bastard! I'm hurt fatally.
Posted by: Rocko | June 2, 2010 5:48 PM
"I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency."
Posted by: Hey, it's a Cheney cartoon | June 2, 2010 8:22 PM
Well, you go to sleep with the telephone you have, not the telephone you'd like to have.
Posted by: Rummy | June 2, 2010 8:23 PM
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who should have put on his brain bucket
He said with a grin
As he looked for his chin
If they don't like my face they can fuck it
Posted by: Anonymous | June 2, 2010 10:27 PM
"It was Tony Soprano. He said 'don't stop believin', you Members Only son of a bitch.'"
Posted by: Glenn | June 3, 2010 8:28 AM
Reach Out and Touch Someone
Posted by: Kathy H | June 3, 2010 9:42 AM
The phone calls here are obscene.
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 3, 2010 10:15 AM
It may be 2010, but this landline is tha bomb.
Posted by: Lugar | June 3, 2010 11:14 AM
"Trending: thermite."
Posted by: gluelicker | June 3, 2010 11:23 AM
Go back to sleep, dear. It's just a powder burn.
Posted by: heraclittus | June 3, 2010 11:25 AM
"I TOLD you we should have gone with one of the franchises next to the interstate."
Posted by: Franktastico | June 3, 2010 11:36 AM
The thing is, I was just gonna let it ring.
Posted by: glam the ham | June 3, 2010 11:39 AM
Honey, do you know anyone who does lath-and-plaster walls? Because this is gonna be a bitch to repair.
Posted by: Theophylact | June 3, 2010 12:19 PM
"You hit the mute button again, didn't you?"
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 3, 2010 12:43 PM
"This isn't what I had in mind when I said I wanted Toast and Fried Ears for breakfast."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 3, 2010 12:49 PM
"Honey, it was your mother. She acknowledged her vegetable coma but is still really mad that we pulled the plug."
Posted by: Anonymous | June 3, 2010 1:10 PM
"It was President Obama and he said that he's mad as hell and he's not going to take it anymore."
Posted by: Tim H | June 3, 2010 2:27 PM
"I'm not sure, but I think he said he was from Bed, Bang & Begone——"
Posted by: Kathy H | June 3, 2010 4:04 PM
"Hey woman with the implausibly large elephant ass, please tell me you didn't fuck with my phone."
Posted by: Grandma | June 3, 2010 5:24 PM
———That was the Grim Reaper. I get the feeling he doesn———t care anymore. He's totally just phoning it in.———
Posted by: cta | June 3, 2010 5:27 PM
Will I still be able to pursue my dream of becoming a fake journalist now that I have a fucked-up ear? Huh? What? Speak up, dammit!
Posted by: S. Colbert | June 3, 2010 6:12 PM
Honey, can you please check the back of my head for explosion damage.
Posted by: Jeff G | June 3, 2010 7:16 PM
They just disavowed any knowledge of our existence.
Posted by: David Schneider | June 3, 2010 7:58 PM
"Why can't you ever bang me like that?"
Posted by: holden_c | June 3, 2010 9:17 PM
"Kaczynski, you crazy bastard! When did you get out?"
Posted by: dwilk | June 3, 2010 9:47 PM
"Joyce! You crazy bastard!"
Posted by: Anonymous | June 3, 2010 10:54 PM
"Coming soon to a theater near you: Star Trek X: Arena II -- The Gorn just can't let it go and sends a tachyon pulse to Kirk's Princess phone following Jim's sweet session with Yeoman Rand, who has developed quite the ass. Man lizard wrestling ensues."
Posted by: A. Redshirt | June 4, 2010 1:05 AM
"That was my wife. Well, I should probably go. Thanks for the anal."
Posted by: Anonymous | June 4, 2010 6:36 AM
Heaviest. Breathing. Ever.
Posted by: Glenn | June 4, 2010 8:13 AM
"Were are my slippers?"
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 4, 2010 11:17 AM
"It's your turn to sleep in the wet spot."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 4, 2010 11:20 AM
"It just took fill-ups at BP and I got this phone!"
"... and will disavow any knowledge of your mission. Good luck, Mr. Phelps....(long pause) and, oh yeah, I almost forgot...... this message will self destruct in..."
"It's Sayid, Kate. He says we are 'Flash sideways jumping' again!"
"I never knew the studs in this house were put in horizontally"!
Posted by: Johnny V | June 4, 2010 1:13 PM
"It just took 5 fill-ups at BP and I got this phone!" (sorry)
Posted by: Johnny V | June 4, 2010 1:14 PM
"Gee... sorry. Did I fuckin' wake you?!??"
Posted by: JV | June 4, 2010 1:16 PM
"Where are my slippers."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 4, 2010 1:38 PM
"Those damn Talaban Telemarketer's."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 4, 2010 1:46 PM
"Mr. Bond called and said this message will self destruct in 5 seconds, I didn't believe him."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 4, 2010 1:50 PM
"Lights out."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | June 4, 2010 1:51 PM
"Well at least this time it's not a horse's head in our bed."
Posted by: Dave | June 4, 2010 9:24 PM
That does it for me tonight. Let's get that lamp out of your ass and grab some shut-eye.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | June 4, 2010 11:14 PM
I couldn't get to sleep anyhow, what with these huge-ass pillows aggravating my spinal stenosis.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | June 4, 2010 11:29 PM
"Yes, this is Mustafa al-Yazid, Al-Qaeda's third in com..."
Posted by: Steve_O | June 5, 2010 1:37 AM
[INTERACTIVE CAPTION, PICK ONE OR ADD YOUR OWN]
"Well, at least now my mother knows I eloped and married a _______
A) Nazi sympathizer."
B) convicted pedophile."
C) crystal meth addict with vaginal herpes."
D) Flyers fan."
Posted by: NAMBY | June 5, 2010 3:42 AM
"They were mad at me for adding yet another Mr. Phelps self-destruct Mission Impossible caption. Crazy bastards."
Posted by: NJtoTX | June 5, 2010 8:33 AM
"I can't believe this popcorn is still falling. It's destroying every thing."
Posted by: Ben | June 5, 2010 1:23 PM
"It was your uncle M'Gaw again with another tired joke..."
Posted by: Twelve of Five | June 5, 2010 1:23 PM
"Christ! Now I'll have to masturbate with my left hand."
Posted by: dwilk | June 5, 2010 6:26 PM
Wheezy kept her promise to light a match the next time Fred dutch-ovened her saying, "your ass'll be blowin' up son."
Posted by: lanemcclain | June 6, 2010 7:37 PM
Now that I'm up I wonder if it's too late to enter the anti-cap contest. I never know when that al guy is going to deign to render his judgements.
Posted by: Anonymous | June 6, 2010 9:07 PM
"It was AT&T wanting to know if we'd interested in their new security feature."
Posted by: Dave | June 6, 2010 9:16 PM
Check one two, check one two. Microphone! Ain't got no slippers so fuck it cause I ain't got no mutha fuckin' slippers! Bam! Money!
Posted by: lanemcclain | June 6, 2010 11:38 PM
"Until we get caller IED, we won't know who the voice mail bomber is."
Posted by: Lifeboat | June 7, 2010 1:08 AM
Good thing you're a Squirter
or I could have really hurt my face,Sandy!
Posted by: A_Bower | June 7, 2010 2:01 AM
"Dammit, don't you get it? 'Boomerang!'"
Posted by: Subliminal | June 8, 2010 1:17 AM