The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #241
al in laSubmit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
WINNER
"Let him drown first. They're best eaten cold."-- dwilk
SECOND PLACE
Oooo . . . gross . . . If I had known you were going to spit out the head, I wouldn't have offered him to you."-- blw
THIRD PLACE
"No, Mr. Tiny-ear-hole, I absolutely did not say 'that's my chum in the water'."-- Anonymous
For Honorable Mentions and Judge's Comment on all the winners go here.
Comments
"Holy shit! I was just sayin; to myself, where the fuck am I gonna find a good divorce lawyer in the middle of no where?"
Posted by: Jess Sayin | May 17, 2010 2:00 AM
"Cyclops woman got one eye in her head
Mascara-clotted vision, she is fed
to a barracuda
You'd have me down, down, down, down, down on my knees
Wouldn't you, barracuda?"
Posted by: Segue Segue Spudboy | May 17, 2010 5:24 AM
"It's times like these I wish I could talk."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | May 17, 2010 5:53 AM
"Eat me!"
Best Survivor final, ever.
Posted by: LV | May 17, 2010 6:58 AM
"Honey, I think we're on Revis Island."
Posted by: Rob | May 17, 2010 7:27 AM
"At least he doesn't look at me like I'm a piece of meat, Basil."
Posted by: Richard H | May 17, 2010 7:36 AM
"To the LEFT OF MY TITS!!!"
Posted by: dwilk | May 17, 2010 7:55 AM
"The body's only two-thirds of a meal, Sharkey. Finish off his head and I'll offer you some dessert."
Posted by: gluelicker | May 17, 2010 7:56 AM
"He's the CEO of BP. Just wait - he'll have to climb out of the oil at some point."
Posted by: Glenn | May 17, 2010 8:01 AM
"You're in luck, Bolton... your fucking filth-ridden, disgusting, droopy mustache is all that's keeping this rogue great white from devouring you."
Posted by: Podolinsky | May 17, 2010 8:07 AM
"Them's the breaks, Harry. There's a new lover in town -- one who appreciates that my mophead nicely complements my 36-24-36 curves."
Posted by: clannish | May 17, 2010 8:16 AM
"Actually, he's a great white bore."
Posted by: Rob | May 17, 2010 8:24 AM
This cartoon has officially jumped the shark.
Posted by: Tim H | May 17, 2010 9:23 AM
"Er...Harry...I don't want to alarm you, but he said that he wants to make a Youskin Suit out of you."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 17, 2010 9:59 AM
Fonzarelli, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you? (with a nod to Tim H)
Posted by: CRC | May 17, 2010 9:59 AM
"All he wants to find out is if you can recommend a good orthodontist in the neighborhood."
Posted by: Tim H | May 17, 2010 10:01 AM
Yeah, he looks a lot like Michael Caine, but trust me, it isn't him.
Posted by: LK | May 17, 2010 10:46 AM
"Well, I think you're sexy, too. It doesn't take an Einstein to figure out how a girl could fall for a big, strong shark..."
"Hello, friends!"
"I said `doesn't' take! Doesn't!"
Posted by: Damon | May 17, 2010 10:52 AM
"I told you not to borrow from a Jew."
Posted by: Indebtedly Yours | May 17, 2010 11:00 AM
"Get off my island."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | May 17, 2010 11:08 AM
"Watch out boy she———ll chew you up/Oh here she comes/She———s a maneater.."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | May 17, 2010 11:20 AM
"Mrs. Palmer-Geisel, you of all peopel should understand, it's from Elemental/Tears For Fears (6)."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | May 17, 2010 11:43 AM
EDIT:
"Mrs. Palmer-Geisel, you of all people should understand, it's simply; Elemental/Tears For Fears (6)."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | May 17, 2010 11:45 AM
Hideous Face Island. A sanctuary for the ugly, situated in the middle of Ricki Lake, fed by the Joan Rivers.
Posted by: Damon | May 17, 2010 1:24 PM
"You're gonna need a bigger island."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 17, 2010 1:35 PM
"Sharkey, I'd like you to meet Palmie. Oh, the guy in the water? He's not important."
Posted by: Tim H | May 17, 2010 1:37 PM
"It's mostly him, Harvey. Cover your nose, and get back here."
Posted by: Damon | May 17, 2010 1:54 PM
"Harry, he says he's a vegan, but I wouldn't trust him."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 17, 2010 3:03 PM
"Oooo . . . gross . . . If I had known you were going to spit out the head, I wouldn't have offered him to you."
Posted by: blw | May 17, 2010 3:43 PM
———This is no time to be quoting Shakespeare, you jackass, but you———re right . . . ———Yon Cassius does have a lean and hungry look . . .——————
Posted by: blw | May 17, 2010 3:51 PM
"Look, honey, I'm sorry if you feel I'm being racially insensitive, but considering the land shark, don't you think you could just try to swim?"
Posted by: Hugh Jass | May 17, 2010 3:52 PM
———You———re OK for a little while, Wayne . . . he just ate Fred and he knows he shouldn———t go into the water for at least an hour.———
Posted by: blw | May 17, 2010 3:55 PM
"Henry, forget about finding the waiter, I've got plenty of sushi to share!"
Posted by: cta | May 17, 2010 3:58 PM
"Henry, come back! Maybe THAT'S what smells like dead fish?!"
Posted by: cta | May 17, 2010 4:00 PM
———Quit drooling, you big ol' hunk of sexy shark . . . I———ve had him and, believe me, it was no treat.———
Posted by: blw | May 17, 2010 4:03 PM
"No, *I'm* stranded -- you're an effing fish!"
Posted by: Abe | May 17, 2010 4:04 PM
"Thank you so much! He's been raping me a lot."
Posted by: Francis | May 17, 2010 4:22 PM
"Don't worry, Hon, he nevil shutes in me; at least not until today."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 17, 2010 4:38 PM
"Wilson.....Wilsooooon!"
Posted by: T.H. | May 17, 2010 4:40 PM
"Dear, I'll never leave you; this shark is a total flake"
Posted by: Anonymous | May 17, 2010 4:44 PM
"Oy vey! It couldn't have been a tuna or a nice mackerel, maybe?"
Posted by: Rabbi Dogg | May 17, 2010 4:52 PM
Oh, the shark has pretty teeth, dear
And he shows 'em, pearly white
You're pretty much fucked
Posted by: Frankie | May 17, 2010 5:14 PM
———Excuse me, Mr. Shark, but shouldn———t you be somewhere else right now? Like, maybe, the Stanley Cup Playoffs???———
Posted by: blw | May 17, 2010 5:29 PM
———Harry, you get out of the water right now and act like a man! C———mon, let———s see which one of you wants to eat me more!———
Posted by: blw | May 17, 2010 5:29 PM
"He wants me to watch you getting fucked first."
Posted by: dwilk | May 17, 2010 5:34 PM
"We could try getting him hooked on phonics."
Posted by: Rob | May 17, 2010 6:47 PM
"Honey, your Shark and Awe campaign? Two words: 'Mission Accomplished'."
Posted by: TuWPbS | May 17, 2010 7:10 PM
"If you're looking for sharky's machine, it's still in it's box, if you know what I mean."
Posted by: Burt | May 17, 2010 7:13 PM
"A mini desert island with one palm tree. What will that funny magazine think up next!"
Posted by: Glenn | May 17, 2010 9:50 PM
"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dive."
Posted by: Dr. No Respect | May 17, 2010 10:53 PM
[Oh, crap! That was CRC's two weeks ago...]
Posted by: Dr. No Respect | May 17, 2010 10:59 PM
Then how about
Yes, Mr. Bond, I don't expect you to survive.
Posted by: CRC | May 18, 2010 12:20 AM
"Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, 'Get the fuck out of here!'"
Posted by: walt_kowalski | May 18, 2010 12:27 AM
"I don't keep you to think. I keep you for cold nights and days when there's nothing to do."
Posted by: luis_chama | May 18, 2010 12:29 AM
"I don't know about you, Mr. Shark, but I'll be glad when this particular Anti-Caption contest is done."
"Done, done?"
"Yes. When it's done for good."
"Done, done."
"Exactly. I want it to be over."
"Done done."
"Right...why do you keep..."
"Done done done done done done done done done done...."
"AHHHHH! JOHN! GET OUT OF THE WATER!"
Posted by: Damon | May 18, 2010 1:52 AM
" Five'll get ya ten old Macky———s back in town!"
Posted by: Rob | May 18, 2010 7:14 AM
[With a nod to Rob]
"Oddly, he says his favorite Bobby Darin song is Artificial Flowers."
Posted by: Tim H | May 18, 2010 9:30 AM
"Can't... breathe. Gills in such... pain."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 18, 2010 10:52 AM
"The devourers here are marine."
Posted by: Jared S. | May 18, 2010 11:19 AM
"Frank, he knows you drew this cartoon and he simply wants to chew the fat with you."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 18, 2010 12:34 PM
"——Hola, Santiago! How was jour day? No so good, huh? Well look what I catched!"
Posted by: La joven y el mar | May 18, 2010 3:29 PM
"Oh carp! Walk behind that tree; it's my boyfriend."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 18, 2010 3:44 PM
The floaters here are cuisine.
Posted by: CRC | May 18, 2010 4:21 PM
Antilles, you crazy bastard! Where the hell are we?
Posted by: CRC | May 18, 2010 4:28 PM
He poses no threat as long as he's beached, you fucking idiot.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | May 18, 2010 4:33 PM
"Yes, Roger it's 'that time of the month.' Or as some people call it, 'Shark Week'."
Posted by: Richard H | May 18, 2010 5:15 PM
"No, Mr. Tiny-ear-hole, I absolutely did not say 'that's my chum in the water'."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 18, 2010 6:05 PM
Former Veep maintains nasty, agressive posture, while former Pres. still flounders around aimlessly. A sun-baked Sarah Palin looks on, basking in her own delerium.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | May 18, 2010 6:20 PM
———What———s the matter, Wayne? Afraid to come out of the water and meet my new friend? Maybe a little fin envy? Huh, Wayne??? Huh???———
Posted by: blw | May 18, 2010 6:43 PM
I can clearly see your nuts, so get off my island. Go find us a clipper ship or something useful, you downwardly mobile bubble-head. If I wanted to talk to someone, I would have brought a cell phone. Now, fuck off.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | May 18, 2010 6:56 PM
"Let him drown first. They're best eaten cold."
Posted by: dwilk | May 18, 2010 7:39 PM
"For god's sake, Fred, just do what he says. Swim off and find some tartar sauce and get it back here as soon as you can!"
Posted by: blw | May 18, 2010 7:43 PM
"Awrchie, Awrchie, look out! It's a Shaaaaawwk." (Note: unbeknownst to most viewers, Jean Stapleton had perfect tit-tays)
Posted by: Meathead | May 18, 2010 8:20 PM
Spoken by either: "Holy smokes! That last fart smelled just like Roy Scheider."
Posted by: R. Shaw | May 18, 2010 8:29 PM
"Apparently, this thing has two penises, so I suggest you get out of the water and work your magic, Sharkbitch."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 18, 2010 8:33 PM
"Or my Donald, my Donald, my Donald!... but you keep it all inside."
Posted by: Rob | May 18, 2010 9:02 PM
"This used to be a Great White, and if you don't swim for help, Tony, you used to be BP's CEO."
Posted by: LV | May 18, 2010 9:27 PM
"This is the Bermuda triangle I always dreamed of."
Posted by: Finished | May 18, 2010 9:45 PM
"If you're fat and you have a pokemon thingy that you can stick on your pencil, I'm gonna find you. And rest assured I'm going to kill you."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 18, 2010 10:03 PM
Alright, I admit it; I wasn't banished from the island. I left in a snit. It's not going so well now. I'm barely keeping my head above water. I'm all alone. God, I've been a jerk. I'm fucking drowning here. Jewish people rock.
Posted by: D.J. | May 18, 2010 10:29 PM
Desert island, courtroom, prehistoric cave, wild west saloon, boardroom. Repeat . . .
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | May 19, 2010 1:53 AM
"Beats watching the San Jose Sharks."
Posted by: dwilk | May 19, 2010 7:23 AM
He was packed and looking forward to see his mother in Bora Bora when he lost his carrion.
Posted by: boneguy | May 19, 2010 11:02 AM
The lovely Mr. Watts, wife of the former Sonics great, urges her husband to "get out of the oil, Slick."
Posted by: Rocko | May 19, 2010 12:27 PM
"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to kill Jaws, fashion a boat kiel (sic) using his steel teeth, free us from this god-foresaken island, then do me while MI6 satellites broadcast it to an inscrutably titillated M."
Posted by: D. Dudy Jench | May 19, 2010 12:49 PM
"Hey, hold on a darn minute here! You can't vote me off the island . . . I've got the Immunity Idol!!!"
Posted by: blw | May 19, 2010 1:11 PM
Usury, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you getting away with it? (This is so lame I feel compelled to point out that this is a Loan Shark.)
Posted by: CRC | May 19, 2010 2:02 PM
"A shark, I think, is like a relationship, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead relationshuip. Hey shark, lets fuck!"
Posted by: Woody | May 19, 2010 3:19 PM
[Hey, CRC, I don't think that shark is alone.]
Posted by: Anonymouse | May 19, 2010 4:36 PM
My bad, honey. You can come out now. He's just a lonesome shark.
Posted by: CRC | May 19, 2010 4:44 PM
Did you find the shark repellent?
Posted by: Rocko | May 19, 2010 4:54 PM
"Well, no, don't get me wrong. It was OK; I was just hoping for a whale."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 19, 2010 5:29 PM
"Rocko - No, in fact, I find the shark quite appealling."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 19, 2010 5:37 PM
Of course the 12:27 PM posting should say Mrs., not Mr.
Posted by: Rocko | May 19, 2010 7:01 PM
"In Soviet Union, shark jumps, I land."
Posted by: TuWPbS | May 19, 2010 7:28 PM
Hey Riff, Bernardo says he won't stab you in the chest if you just come out of the water!
Posted by: Sam Juan | May 19, 2010 8:41 PM
Oh I DO think we have time for one more encore ,Mr. Buffett!
Posted by: Beach Baby | May 19, 2010 8:47 PM
this sushi is a little too fresh, but it's nice they deliver!
Posted by: benny hana | May 19, 2010 8:51 PM
"Suddenly skin cancer seems less of worry, doesn't it darling?"
Posted by: Richard H | May 19, 2010 10:47 PM
"Martin, it's all psychological. You yell barracuda, everybody says, "Huh? What?" You yell shark, we've got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July."
Posted by: Richard H | May 20, 2010 12:12 AM
"Call me Ishmael. . . bitch."
Posted by: herman_m | May 20, 2010 1:37 AM
"So, he's like, 'Let's go on a cruise.' And I go, 'No way, ships sink all the time.' And he's like, 'What's the worst that can happen?' And I go--wait a minute, dude is it 4:20?"
Posted by: under_score | May 20, 2010 1:42 AM
"Sorry, Charlie. Only good tasting tunas get to be Star Kist."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 20, 2010 9:05 AM
"Happy anniversary, it's a shark tooth necklace, go ahead, try it on."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | May 20, 2010 11:07 AM
"Now THAT'S what I call a Moby Dick!"
Posted by: Lieutenant Macaroni | May 20, 2010 12:35 PM
SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!"
Posted by: Kathy H | May 20, 2010 3:28 PM
"NO, FUCK YOU, SHARK!"
Posted by: Skull_Head | May 20, 2010 5:05 PM
This officially marks the end of The New Yorker's long and checkered history of desert island cartoons.
Posted by: Dave | May 20, 2010 5:53 PM
What's the difference between a lady in a bikini on a desert island and the shark next to her?
One's a beached shark and the other's a sharp bitch.
Posted by: Dave | May 20, 2010 5:56 PM
Relax Sheldon. We're that much closer to a minyan.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 20, 2010 7:19 PM
"Don't worry, Honey, this shark's just a basking in the sun"
Posted by: Anonymous | May 20, 2010 8:19 PM
"The owees here are piscene. Good thing this is a nurse shark!" (worst ever!)
Posted by: Anonymous | May 20, 2010 8:26 PM
"I'll find him for three, you said, but I'll catch him and kill him, for ten, you said...Well?"
Posted by: Mrs. Quint | May 20, 2010 9:53 PM
You're daydreaming again, aren't you dear?
Posted by: Sorrel Loser | May 20, 2010 10:20 PM
Eight years marooned here and I've been a perfect gentleman. Can I at least see your tits before I die?
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | May 20, 2010 10:47 PM
"Congratulations Mr. Shark. You've inspired even worse captions than last week."
Posted by: Bev | May 21, 2010 3:06 AM
...fin...
Posted by: Tim H | May 21, 2010 9:24 AM
"I don't care if he doesn't have a birth certificate; electing an unqualified, undocumented shark to run the island simply makes me feel better about myself."
Posted by: Sarah | May 21, 2010 10:53 AM
"Look out ol' Macky is back!"
Posted by: Brian L | May 21, 2010 11:26 AM
"Is that you Radosh? I've never met a Jew before."
Posted by: Brian L | May 21, 2010 11:29 AM
You don't need to know if it's a teabag or a tampon just stay the hell away from the shark's mouth.
Posted by: lanemcclain | May 21, 2010 5:26 PM
The salesman told me it would get 8.1 cm per year but I swear it hasn't moved a fucking inch since we bought it.
Posted by: lanemcclain | May 21, 2010 5:30 PM
So what if you watched? No one is going to believe you. It's my word against yours so start swimming Charlie.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 21, 2010 5:36 PM
Oh hi there citizen! The Congressman and I were just sitting here talking about abstinence. Doesn't that sound hot!
Posted by: Anonymous | May 21, 2010 5:39 PM
We'll ask you one last time, and you better get it right. Do you think climate change is caused by human activity on the planet?
Posted by: lanemcclain | May 21, 2010 5:42 PM
"Marco"
"Polo"
Posted by: Anonymous | May 21, 2010 6:56 PM
Thinks to himself,"Now what did I say to that Genie to get THIS as a granted wish?!?"
"No More Coconuts! I want MEAT!"
"Come on in boy... it's okay... Gees... the book said that they LOVE water!"
My 'ho' has a ho in her head!
Posted by: Johnny V | May 21, 2010 8:03 PM
Bet you're glad we signed that prenup now?
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | May 22, 2010 12:30 AM
———Uhhhhh, uhhhhh, uhhhhh, he has a GUN!———
Posted by: jazzy | May 22, 2010 8:04 AM
See? I told you role reversal would open up entirely new horizons for you!
Posted by: J. Grant | May 22, 2010 3:11 PM
What are you afraid of? The Isurus here are serene.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | May 22, 2010 6:46 PM
"Don't worry, honey. There's plenty of fish in the sea."
Posted by: dr. john | May 23, 2010 12:11 AM
"Honey, don't worry, he says he from Jaws For Jesus."
Posted by: Tim H | May 23, 2010 1:27 AM
I guess you're floundering while I loll here today.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 23, 2010 2:16 PM