The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #240
al in laSubmit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
WINNER (TIE)
In his dotage, the Yankee Clipper found solace in his garden, while an artist's approximation of his beloved Marilyn at 75 gazed down. --Mr. Silly
WINNER (TIE)
"Oh, honey, art's imitating life; a Nuthatch and a Red-cockaded Woodpecker have found their way into your asshole again." --Anonymous
SECOND PLACE
"Gives "gardening tool" a whole new meaning. --PG man
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"A muse; yourself, Dear." -- Tits up Word Play by Spowie
For additional honorable mentions and a Judge's Comment for each winner go here.
Comments
"My advice? Grow a dick."
Posted by: NAMBY | May 10, 2010 2:22 AM
Someone has just mutilated our son, who resembles you but is bushy headed.
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | May 10, 2010 2:50 AM
"Feels good to get out of the house and out of your own head, don't you think?"
Posted by: Joe | May 10, 2010 3:08 AM
Frank, I'm glad you've been so cheery, but we haven't slept together once since you found those rusty shears. And your pants have been so bloody. We need to talk.
Posted by: Alex F | May 10, 2010 3:26 AM
"You never answered my question, Henry: do you think my boxtree needs trimming or not?"
Posted by: Richard H | May 10, 2010 3:40 AM
"I was talking about repainting the living room when I wanted to see more taupe, Harry."
Posted by: Richard H | May 10, 2010 3:42 AM
"Sure you've made our hedges more fun, Cedric, but what I really asked was 'don't you think we could make more in a hedge fund?'"
Posted by: Richard H | May 10, 2010 3:51 AM
"I see you were able to prune. And while we're on the subject, how is that shriveled up dick of yours?"
"Lovely, dear. When you're done would you bring the cuticle scissors and make my bush into a mini-me?"
Posted by: LR | May 10, 2010 6:58 AM
"Can't you do anything right, Walter? I told you to make them look like the 22-year-old pool boy I'm banging. Now start over!"
Posted by: LR | May 10, 2010 7:06 AM
"I like them better before you turned them into he women."
Posted by: Rob | May 10, 2010 7:15 AM
"I know to do the boxwood gives you wood, Chuck, but my box would, too."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | May 10, 2010 7:16 AM
Christ, what an asshole.
Posted by: JohnnyB | May 10, 2010 7:55 AM
"Beats watching the LA Clippers."
Posted by: Rob | May 10, 2010 7:56 AM
Okay, I get the point. You think I emasculate you.
Posted by: JohnnyB | May 10, 2010 7:56 AM
Did you fucking put LSD in my tea again?
Posted by: JohnnyB | May 10, 2010 8:00 AM
"You're gay, bald and narcissistic. Did I mention gay, bald and narcissistic?"
Posted by: dwilk | May 10, 2010 8:22 AM
"The bowers here are obscene."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 10, 2010 9:16 AM
Noth thing happening here.
Posted by: Kathy H | May 10, 2010 9:21 AM
Topiary, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you?
Posted by: CRC | May 10, 2010 10:04 AM
"Hey Phil, Oprah just called; you've been canceled."
Posted by: Gayle | May 10, 2010 10:53 AM
You make me want to move out of Arizona and find an immigrant who can actually do this job.
Posted by: LK | May 10, 2010 10:57 AM
———And yet I can———t get you to fertilize one fucking crop of mine on FarmVille.———
Posted by: Damon | May 10, 2010 11:28 AM
"Honey, you forgot your hedge hog."
Posted by: Sue | May 10, 2010 11:38 AM
I doubted your insanity defense, but I can clearly see your nuts.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 10, 2010 11:43 AM
"It's sort of like Hieronymus Bosch, except without the gayness. Oh, wait - there it is. And there. And there. And there. And over there..."
Posted by: Damon | May 10, 2010 11:59 AM
"And to think, Johnny was once People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive."
Posted by: Glenn | May 10, 2010 12:21 PM
"Ok, I apologize...a man needs a hobby. So stop with the fucking topiary and go back to molesting children."
Posted by: dwilk | May 10, 2010 12:41 PM
Narcissus the plant, you idiot!
Posted by: boneguy | May 10, 2010 1:06 PM
Well, that's a relief. When you said you were going out to "trim the jew nippers", I assumed you were moonlighting as a mohel.
Posted by: therblig | May 10, 2010 1:14 PM
"It's a world of laughter, a world of fun. . . "
Posted by: walt_d | May 10, 2010 1:23 PM
"Get off my lawn."
Posted by: holden_c | May 10, 2010 1:24 PM
"Has anyone told you that this hobby of yours is shear madness?"
Posted by: cta | May 10, 2010 1:26 PM
"Yeah, real nice, Harry . . . but you're still just a friggin' gardener."
Posted by: blw | May 10, 2010 1:26 PM
To think I could have married Harry Bush.
Posted by: boneguy | May 10, 2010 1:27 PM
"It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear. . . "
Posted by: roy_d | May 10, 2010 1:28 PM
"Whoa, this coffee is strong! How many cups did you say you drank this morning?"
Posted by: cta | May 10, 2010 1:43 PM
Eduardo Manos de Tijeras.
Posted by: Mr. Silly | May 10, 2010 2:00 PM
"That's exactly why I don't let you cut my hair anymore, Fred."
Posted by: blw | May 10, 2010 2:08 PM
No willies, you crazy bastard! I want them anatomically correct.
Posted by: CRC | May 10, 2010 2:08 PM
"Keep trying, Honey, but it'll never change the fact that humongous angry black men raped you in prison."
Posted by: Lena Horne | May 10, 2010 2:09 PM
"Stick it, Gay-Rod!"
Posted by: Dallas Braden's Grandma | May 10, 2010 2:10 PM
"Gee dear, whatever you do, please don't cut your own fucking head off."
Posted by: ET | May 10, 2010 2:11 PM
———Unemployment hasn———t been kind to you, has it, Carl?———
Posted by: blw | May 10, 2010 2:15 PM
Our poodle looks just like you this morning, asshole.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | May 10, 2010 2:21 PM
When he's finished, Harry lets his wife cut off their penises - a classic example of art imitating life.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | May 10, 2010 2:24 PM
"Upon closer examination of her bush, Elena decided to trim it herself."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | May 10, 2010 3:07 PM
"You don't speak Spanish, do you?"
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | May 10, 2010 3:09 PM
"Ed Wood Scissorhands"
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | May 10, 2010 3:13 PM
"Get out of my bush."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | May 10, 2010 3:14 PM
They're hideous, Juan, and you're fired!
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | May 10, 2010 3:16 PM
"When I said I wanted a showy display of your manhood on my bush... oh never mind."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 10, 2010 3:20 PM
We're truly sorry about you losing your manhood in the chipper, but don't you think you could compensate some other way?
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | May 10, 2010 3:29 PM
You missed a few spots.
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | May 10, 2010 3:36 PM
"The local lesbian chapter just called. They're sending you flowers for your part in a record quarter of recruitment."
Posted by: Damon | May 10, 2010 3:44 PM
"I can't see anything from the window at this angle. We have bushes?"
Posted by: Damon | May 10, 2010 3:49 PM
I brought a couple of bonzai. Do you mind?
Posted by: JohnnyB | May 10, 2010 4:22 PM
Correction:
I brought a couple of bonsai. Do you mind?
Posted by: JohnnyB | May 10, 2010 4:23 PM
Your balls are in the sock drawer where they always are.
Posted by: boneguy | May 10, 2010 4:35 PM
"Call me crazy, Carl, but Clara Clifford said your clean copper clippers kept in a closet were copped by Claude Cooper a kleptomaniac from Cleveland."
Posted by: Rob | May 10, 2010 4:41 PM
"Ayn Rand called; she wants her copy of Fatass Shrubbed back"
Posted by: Francisco Da'antonioaugustinobuckbuckmcfate | May 10, 2010 4:42 PM
"If you're using Fiskars, that sort of sounds like whiskers, which reminds me that my whisker-biscuit could use some face-time."
Posted by: PB Lives | May 10, 2010 4:44 PM
"Bush was a nigthmare. What you're doing is just revisionist hedgery."
Posted by: NAMBY | May 10, 2010 5:06 PM
Well, I DID promise you a little trim.
Posted by: Rocko | May 10, 2010 6:03 PM
"Your ass is grass!"
Posted by: Tim H | May 10, 2010 6:58 PM
"Who's Dallas Braden?"
Posted by: A Rod | May 10, 2010 7:28 PM
"He'll be dead from Dutch Elm disease in a week."
Posted by: Jon | May 10, 2010 7:52 PM
"I'm not alarmed now, but I just can't believe that I bought the stairway to heaven for this. Spring clean for the may queen, my ass."
Posted by: Glenn | May 10, 2010 7:57 PM
In an alternative universe, this disgraced BP executive finds work in the only field still open to him. In our world, Alejandro does the landscaping.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | May 10, 2010 8:21 PM
"Honey, come and see what I did with the furniture."
Posted by: dwilk | May 10, 2010 8:22 PM
"No Senior Bond, I expect you to do the gardening when you're NOT high."
Posted by: Jess Sayin | May 10, 2010 8:34 PM
"Your 11 o'clock bris is ready."
Posted by: Brian L | May 10, 2010 8:47 PM
Well, well, well...morning coffee with the narcissistic gardner. What a treat.
Posted by: PG man | May 10, 2010 8:48 PM
How nice. Edward scissor idiot strikes again.
Posted by: PG man | May 10, 2010 8:50 PM
———You call this ———Southwestern Contemporary———??? I don———t think so, Jackass.———
Posted by: blw | May 10, 2010 8:51 PM
———So . . . you really find all this appropriate for a pre-school play yard, do you, Mr. Sicko???———
Posted by: blw | May 10, 2010 8:51 PM
Gives "gardening tool" a whole new meaning.
Posted by: PG man | May 10, 2010 8:52 PM
The Sanitarium grounds look lovely today, Mr. Cheney.
Posted by: Rocko | May 10, 2010 9:52 PM
Melvin, come see what this idiot has done! I want Juan fired for these vanities.
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | May 10, 2010 9:59 PM
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye... them so they look more realistic.
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | May 10, 2010 10:10 PM
She loves me, she loves me not...
Posted by: lanemcclain | May 10, 2010 10:13 PM
"Do what you want with the hedge. Just leave my bush alone."
Posted by: Dave | May 10, 2010 10:21 PM
They call him Clipper, Clipper faster than lightening,
No one you see is smarter than he
Posted by: Luke Halpin | May 10, 2010 10:45 PM
Fuck it, lightning. Clipper's smart, not me.
Posted by: Luke Halpin | May 10, 2010 10:50 PM
"Robert Young just called. He recommends this Sanka. I guess because he plays a doctor on TV, he feels he has the right to dole out medical advice. But anyway, his identity confusion pales next to yours."
Posted by: Yangxiao | May 10, 2010 10:57 PM
"The self-referentiality has a clever postmodern twist to it... but what the fuck is up with the Jack-in-the-Box bobblehead?"
Posted by: Podolinsky | May 10, 2010 11:02 PM
My, this is crazy! We don't have any hedges that are 20 feet tall and 10 feet wide!
Posted by: gluelicker | May 10, 2010 11:10 PM
"You had no idea this was going to appear on the back page of the New Yorker, so I don't know why you didn't endow your likenesses with long schlongs."
Posted by: Franktastico | May 10, 2010 11:15 PM
"Next, I suggest you circumcise Paul Noth."
Posted by: Franktastico | May 10, 2010 11:16 PM
correckshun: ""You had no idea this was going to appear on the back page of the New Yorker, so I don't know why you didn't aggrandize your likenesses with long schlongs."
Posted by: Franktastico | May 10, 2010 11:33 PM
"There once was a man who would trim
Many bushes in the image of him
Though he always had wood
He detached his manhood
When he cut off a most vital limb."
"Oh bravo, Phyllis. Just for that, no trip to Nantucket this year."
Posted by: Damon | May 11, 2010 12:45 PM
"Once again, Alan, you've made me afraid to look out this window. Well done."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 11, 2010 1:30 PM
"That baggage handler you hired is here."
Posted by: Francis | May 11, 2010 1:33 PM
Ego Clip
Posted by: Rocko | May 11, 2010 2:43 PM
From just inside the window, a topiary of Jim's wife gazes down lovingly, a reminder of their 47 years together.
Posted by: Rocko | May 11, 2010 3:26 PM
"I never promised you a rose garden."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | May 11, 2010 3:55 PM
I said trim THE bush, not HIS bush. Now their ruined.
Posted by: The Shark | May 11, 2010 4:07 PM
Now everyone in the neighborhood will finally know what a tiny dick you have.
Posted by: Amy E | May 11, 2010 4:28 PM
Let's see ... egotistic, unoriginal, no balls, playing all by himself, producing the same crap over and over ... I know this guy.
Posted by: D.J. | May 11, 2010 5:56 PM
"George, dear, shouldn't you ought to have your toup——e on in this sun?"
Posted by: Home Reker | May 11, 2010 6:42 PM
"Oh, honey, art's imitating life; a Nuthatch and a Red-cockaded Woodpecker have found their way into your asshole again."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 11, 2010 6:54 PM
———Oh, sure, Wayne, you———re all about the clipping and the trimming, but I ask for a simple pedicure and you———re too friggin——— busy!!!———
Posted by: blw | May 11, 2010 8:29 PM
———Now I know you have your own ideas about war, Corporal, but here at the Weapons Testing Center, you will use Agent Orange or any other defoliant like you———re told!———
Posted by: blw | May 11, 2010 8:30 PM
This is growing old, honey. Why don't you come inside and send out a few resumes? Oh, you have some captions to judge, too. And Senator Effron left you a message.
Posted by: Sorrel Loser | May 11, 2010 9:49 PM
You're so vain, you probably think this garden's about you.
OR
This is the last time we hire one of your ex-wives to cut our hedges.
OR
I don't care how much the gardener likes you, he's not joining us in the bedroom.
Posted by: zoidberg | May 11, 2010 10:09 PM
I'm afraid I just green myself.
Posted by: T. F——nke, M.D. | May 11, 2010 10:14 PM
I love tea, but I hate these drive by shrubbery sculptings!
Posted by: John Fillingsteeth | May 11, 2010 11:45 PM
ALERT ME
Want us to email you when the next cartoon becomes avialable?
______________________________
Posted by: Anonymous | May 12, 2010 3:00 AM
"I guess it comes with the territory when you're married to a dangerous psychotic."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | May 12, 2010 3:42 AM
"I feel like I'd appreciate this more if the mere thought of you didn't trigger my gag reflex."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | May 12, 2010 3:47 AM
"While your screwing around in the yard I'm stuck inside this white hole event horizon with no wall/floor definition and in desperate need of a fukyon colonic which I'm sure you're familiar with."
Posted by: Rob | May 12, 2010 7:48 AM
"While you're screwing.....
Posted by: Rob | May 12, 2010 7:58 AM
Dont' forget to make one with those Eisenhower nipples,Dear!
Posted by: tricky dick | May 12, 2010 10:19 AM
"In Soviet Union, hedge trims you"
Posted by: Anonymous | May 12, 2010 1:22 PM
"Oh baby, the way you manhandle those bushes makes me yearn for your pinky-sized, nearly-invisible, never-quite-fully-hard, I-actually-think-i've-seen-bigger-clits cock."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 12, 2010 1:27 PM
I love me...I love me not...
Posted by: lanemcclain | May 12, 2010 2:03 PM
"What's taking so long, Harry? You promised to give me sex as soon as you finished the hedges!"
Posted by: cta | May 12, 2010 2:19 PM
"Honey, I'm worried. You've been acting weird every since you were made the Branch Manager."
Posted by: cta | May 12, 2010 2:50 PM
"Oh, almost as many topiaries as McGaugh entries."
Posted by: bob crathcitt | May 12, 2010 3:28 PM
"The Olympics people called. They still don't think it's a sport."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 12, 2010 4:11 PM
"You slaughtered a couple of midges- do you mind?
Posted by: LR | May 12, 2010 6:21 PM
"Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'nee' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history."
Posted by: Roger | May 12, 2010 6:45 PM
No Awrchie, I wanted a prune danish!
Posted by: edith stifel | May 12, 2010 9:23 PM
"Who's Frank Oz?"
Posted by: Dex | May 12, 2010 9:32 PM
"Those sweet, diligent Mexicans you picked up at Home Depot to bag your trimmings just went all Chupacabra on my pussy. Hungry?"
Posted by: D. Sanchez | May 13, 2010 12:57 AM
"A muse; yourself, Dear."
Posted by: Tits up Word Play by Spowie | May 13, 2010 1:10 AM
"The only thing that need trimming around here, Harry, is your ego."
Posted by: Brian L | May 13, 2010 3:20 AM
"I'm done with the chainsaw. Best. orgasm. ever."
Posted by: Brian L | May 13, 2010 3:22 AM
"Hurry up with those tea leaves, goddammit!"
Posted by: Tim H | May 13, 2010 9:22 AM
"I've said it before and I'll say it again: Henry, for a man with no legs, you are quite an inspiration."
Posted by: Kathy H | May 13, 2010 3:17 PM
"Well, you're a little full of yourself and very deceptive, but you sure do know how to manipulate a bush's image...Wait a minute, aren't you Ari Fleischer?"
Posted by: Jess Sayin | May 13, 2010 5:03 PM
"WTF??! I thought you were going to paint the living room!"
"I dated a guy once who could fart bubbles that looked like himself."
"Ah Ah Ahhhh! I didn't say you could trim the hedges NEXT to the house!"
Edward Sizzorhands finally had the operation and eventually got a job as an accountant. But deep inside, he still yearned for the 'old days'.
"Did you smoke a clip-joint?"
Posted by: Johnny V | May 13, 2010 6:21 PM
In his dotage, the Yankee Clipper found solace in his garden, while an artist's approximation of his beloved Marilyn at 75 gazed down.
Posted by: Mr. Silly | May 13, 2010 7:30 PM
"Honey, have you been hitting the prune juice again?"
Posted by: dwilk | May 13, 2010 7:51 PM
"Honey? Congratulations. You inspired the worst anti-caps, ever."
Posted by: Glenn | May 13, 2010 7:54 PM
"Must be hot out there. Your little brother just Bradshawed in the living room again."
Posted by: Sallee and Behn | May 13, 2010 11:43 PM
Who's up for the next Brazillian?
Posted by: bubbba dump | May 14, 2010 12:29 AM
I appreciate your 'commitment to excellence'
JaMarcus Russell is still a bigger bust!
Posted by: not willis | May 14, 2010 12:31 AM
Hey Francisco, Dagny thought it was a copy of
"The Fountainhedge"
Anyways, who is willie gault?
Posted by: ragnar dammitscold | May 14, 2010 1:03 AM
"It's funny how different people deal with stress in different ways. Huh. Anyhow, it's time for your vasectomy."
Posted by: Anonymous | May 14, 2010 3:13 AM
".....and then you said, 'If I were your husband I'd drink it.'"
Posted by: dwilk | May 14, 2010 7:26 AM
"Well, aren't you a little cock of the walk?"
Posted by: Jared S. | May 14, 2010 12:02 PM
When you're finished there would you come in and fix this god damned caption counter?
Posted by: The Count | May 14, 2010 4:51 PM
"Those Ligustrum are vulgare."
Posted by: Chauncey Gardener | May 14, 2010 6:13 PM
"I'm haunted by the foliage of your visage."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | May 14, 2010 9:29 PM
"I'll be back in a few hours. I have a softball game."
Posted by: Dex | May 14, 2010 10:49 PM
"You used to design floats of the Rose Bowl Parade, didn't you?"
Posted by: Paulie | May 15, 2010 7:28 AM
"Don't forget to leave extra hair in the butt cracks."
Posted by: Glenn | May 15, 2010 11:57 AM
"You're making a mountain out of an asshole again, Harry."
Posted by: Rob | May 15, 2010 5:37 PM
"You forgot to carve bases on the butt-plugs."
Posted by: Phil McCracken | May 15, 2010 6:15 PM
"I may be a horticulturalist, Mr. Treemount, but I'm not a whoreticulturalist."
Posted by: Smoothie | May 15, 2010 6:48 PM
Wait 'til you see the front yard, dear. I've re-created our wedding night in the boxwoods.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | May 15, 2010 7:06 PM
"No, Mr. Cavanaugh, I don't blow leaves."
Posted by: Toolkit | May 15, 2010 10:52 PM
"Did you know you have warblers nesting in your genitals?"
Posted by: Toolkit | May 15, 2010 11:01 PM
"Whoever you are, please stop doing that to my garden."
Posted by: Deborah | May 16, 2010 10:16 AM
"Please try to see things from my perspective."
Posted by: Deborah | May 16, 2010 10:23 AM
"The mensches here are balding."
Posted by: Brian L | May 16, 2010 11:19 AM
"I don't know what the queers are doing to the soil, but they're doing a number on the shrubs."
Posted by: Stuart | May 16, 2010 4:14 PM