The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #237
al in laSubmit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
WINNER
"I got so constipated it collapsed into a singularity and created a space/time anal fissure. Now every time I fart another temporal reflection of me pops out. The consensus on the Star Trek chat room is that I need a dekyon colonic." --Six of Nine
SECOND PLACE
How can he be so effervescent when the housing bubble's just burst? -- JohnnyB
HONORALE MENTIONS
"Look, this is obviously one of their more mediocre efforts. So, I suggest that we just calm down, submit our usual adequate captions, and get on with our lives. OK?" -- Kathy H .
I see you've pulled another idea for a cartoon out of your ass.-- D. Remnick
For additional Honorale Mentions and Judge's Comments go here.
Comments
"He makes a close the whole place stinks with his farts for a week."
Posted by: Roma | April 19, 2010 3:53 AM
"I hate when we get audited by Lost Accounting PLC."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | April 19, 2010 4:00 AM
"I didn't know it was possible to transcend basic good manners but I guess Henderson managed to swing that, too."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | April 19, 2010 4:03 AM
"Did we just get raped by a ghost? Again."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | April 19, 2010 4:05 AM
Mister Bubbles is what we bathe in. Bubbles is the name of the fucking chimp. And yes baby, I'm still your bitch.
Posted by: lanemcclain | April 19, 2010 5:47 AM
How can he be so effervescent when the housing bubble's just burst?
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 19, 2010 7:52 AM
It's the only way to fly out of London this week.
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 19, 2010 7:52 AM
Next time tell them to hold the LSD on my mochachino.
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 19, 2010 7:57 AM
Well he certainly acts like a maverick.
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 19, 2010 7:59 AM
We must destroy all evidence of these Thalidomide test results.
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 19, 2010 8:02 AM
"You don't have the nose for this. You're fired!"
Posted by: Rob | April 19, 2010 8:36 AM
"That the Animator vs Animation guy. He must have won his suit against eBaum's World.
Posted by: Glenn | April 19, 2010 8:50 AM
ALERT ME
Want us to e-mail you when next week's cartoon becomes avilable?
________________________
Posted by: Anonymous | April 19, 2010 8:55 AM
"Look, this is obviously one of their more mediocre efforts. So, I suggest that we just calm down, submit our usual adequate captions, and get on with our lives. OK?"
Posted by: Kathy H | April 19, 2010 8:57 AM
Sully *slayed* again last night at happy hour karaoke. With his Michael Buble.
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | April 19, 2010 8:59 AM
"His name is John, and we all must avoid mentioning his very pointed nose."
Posted by: Tim H | April 19, 2010 9:00 AM
I just feel that my usual effervescence is floating away from me . . .
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | April 19, 2010 9:03 AM
BAA-BLL !!!
Posted by: Liam Changstein (my 2-year-old son) | April 19, 2010 9:07 AM
"No, I'LL fuck your wife, Higgins. YOU follow the bubble trail."
Posted by: dwilk | April 19, 2010 9:10 AM
"Then stick it in a pencil sharpener. They're not gonna pop themselves."
Posted by: dwilk, age 4 | April 19, 2010 10:03 AM
"bark bark bark, Ruff Ruff, GROU-WELLLL GROU-WELLLLLL!!!"
Posted by: Rod Steiger's dog | April 19, 2010 10:20 AM
"___________! "
Posted by: Ignatz H (Unborn son of Tim H) | April 19, 2010 10:42 AM
I have no idea how he died, but I know he wasn't shot. Who the fuck would shoot Don Ho?
Posted by: lanemcclain | April 19, 2010 11:00 AM
"What? It's just me and my bubble, taking the high road; wherever we go, everyone knows it's just me and my bubble."
Posted by: RIP Nilsson | April 19, 2010 11:01 AM
"Effervescence, you crazy bastard. How the hell are you?"
Posted by: RL | April 19, 2010 11:24 AM
Say what you will about Bing, but he always injects a little atmosphere into the room.
Posted by: LK | April 19, 2010 11:27 AM
"I don't know; I just sort of gravitated to sales after leaving the Lawrence Welk Show"
Posted by: MC | April 19, 2010 11:27 AM
"Get out of my acid trip."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | April 19, 2010 11:39 AM
"Bubbles? Bubbles???!! We don't need no stinkin' bubbles!"
Posted by: c1w | April 19, 2010 11:41 AM
"Red Bull might give you wings———it only gives me really wicked gas.
Posted by: Gasius Maximus | April 19, 2010 11:50 AM
"You're right, Brewanetti--it is hard to draw a cartoon with just a circle template. Maybe you could jazz it up with a straight line and some half-assed characters."
Posted by: c1w | April 19, 2010 11:55 AM
You couldn't burst my bubble even is you used a giant walrus penis.
Posted by: lanemcclain | April 19, 2010 12:01 PM
"No, Jenson - it's not a wall mural. See how it passed in front of me? So you'll have to try a different caption."
Posted by: Damon | April 19, 2010 12:09 PM
If you really want to fuck with him call him Mr. Met.
Posted by: lanemcclain | April 19, 2010 12:14 PM
"Christ, this scatterplot is awful. Not only are the axes unlabeled, not only is the magnitude of each event indexed to the radius rather than the area of the corresponding plotted circle -- but it's also filled with extraneous visual content, such as us. Hasn't the designer ever read Tufte's seminal Visual Display of Quantitative Information?"
Posted by: Daniel K. | April 19, 2010 12:15 PM
"It's a medaphor, I guess. I don't know what it's supposed to mean...Now let's get back to our extremely high paying jobs convincing people to borrow money they can't possibly pay back."
Posted by: NAMBY | April 19, 2010 12:16 PM
"Don't pop them you idiot!!! They're a breakdown of his molecular makeup."
Posted by: Rob | April 19, 2010 12:21 PM
"Honestly, whenever you start going off on `shifting infrastructure paradigms', I don't know what the - oh, hi Bubbles - fuck you're talking about."
Posted by: Damon | April 19, 2010 12:31 PM
"They moved my bowel."
Posted by: Damon | April 19, 2010 12:51 PM
"Apparently, Beverly Sills is a bald, bespectacled man in the afterlife."
Posted by: Kathy H | April 19, 2010 12:55 PM
"Yes I viciously drowned my twin brother in a bubble bath years ago. Why do you ask?"
Posted by: wizalt | April 19, 2010 12:56 PM
"When it comes to bubbles, I'm head and shoulders above the rest."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 19, 2010 1:58 PM
"Who's going to blow Michael Jackson's Bubbles now?"
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 19, 2010 1:59 PM
"That's the best I've ever been blown."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 19, 2010 2:02 PM
"I see you've found my replacement."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 19, 2010 2:06 PM
"Who's an airhead?"
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 19, 2010 2:07 PM
Would you ask your 4-year-old to stop trying to amuse us now?
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | April 19, 2010 2:22 PM
Barsotti, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you getting this shit published?
Posted by: CRC | April 19, 2010 2:38 PM
Rhinoplasty, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you going to fit in here without it?
Posted by: CRC | April 19, 2010 2:44 PM
Get back in your chair.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh (60 year-old) | April 19, 2010 2:52 PM
"I want nipples on the big ones so they'll look like humongous (o)(o)s."
Posted by: dwilk | April 19, 2010 3:29 PM
"I got so constipated it collapsed into a singularity and created a space/time anal fissure. Now every time I fart another temporal reflection of me pops out. The consensus on the Star Trek chat room is that I need a dekyon colonic."
Posted by: Six of Nine | April 19, 2010 4:02 PM
Pay attention when I'm talking to you!
Posted by: twv | April 19, 2010 4:08 PM
A thought bubble seems to be emanating from your ass. It looks like me. Clean out your desk.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | April 19, 2010 4:10 PM
"They call him Half Tony the half-tone."
Posted by: Anonymous | April 19, 2010 4:36 PM
"Woof!"
Posted by: April (Walt's five-year-old mini schnauzer) | April 19, 2010 4:59 PM
(possible translation of April's caption):
"Get off my line!"
Posted by: Walt | April 19, 2010 5:00 PM
"Please don't pop his pustules."
Posted by: Glenn | April 19, 2010 5:15 PM
"In Soviet Russia, air-biscuit floats you."
Posted by: Anonymous | April 19, 2010 5:31 PM
"He ain't heavy, he's my brother!"
Posted by: dwilk | April 19, 2010 6:01 PM
My best advice, Vicar, is that the next time a 4 year old posts "booty bubbles" then just delete it.
Posted by: lanemcclain | April 19, 2010 6:01 PM
Can you find and delete the hidden Mickey Mouse logo? You have five minutes, before Disney sues us. Ready? Go!
Posted by: Walt | April 19, 2010 7:44 PM
He's the new CEO———.
Posted by: Walt | April 19, 2010 7:56 PM
"I'm seeing floaters again."
Posted by: Deborah | April 19, 2010 7:58 PM
Bubbly, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you doing that?
Posted by: CRC | April 19, 2010 8:00 PM
Fluffy, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you?
Posted by: CRC | April 19, 2010 8:22 PM
Damn! Silent but headly. How about a warning next time?
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | April 19, 2010 8:28 PM
I guess you're wondering why these balls are here today.
Posted by: CRC | April 19, 2010 9:31 PM
Don't take it too seriously. It's just a cheap stunt to gain undue recognition.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | April 19, 2010 9:38 PM
"It would be nice if this cheap, fucking site would reproduce the whole cartoon so we'd know what we're talking about."
Posted by: Dave | April 19, 2010 10:14 PM
"I've never been a big fan of bubble captions."
Posted by: Dave | April 19, 2010 10:15 PM
"Stare at it and squint your eyes. Does it look like an erect penis to you?"
Posted by: Jess Askin | April 20, 2010 1:22 AM
"I'm haunted by the face of my twin brother, who drowned in a bubble bath. What we were doing taking bubble baths together in our 40s, I'll never know."
Posted by: Steve_O | April 20, 2010 8:56 AM
"He was going to write a caption here, but he's all elated now because he thinks it's just so good that the New Yorker will choose it. Jerk."
Posted by: Glenn | April 20, 2010 9:26 AM
"Cartoonist got Paintbrush for Windows 3.0. Welcome to 1990."
Posted by: Glenn | April 20, 2010 9:32 AM
"He's just another one of those breezy people who go around saying yaka-wow."
Posted by: c1w | April 20, 2010 9:34 AM
Christ, what an asshole, but at least there are no black people here to see the obscene hours that Obama DID promise us.
Posted by: Alan Weld | April 20, 2010 10:08 AM
"That's the me who had the balls to kill my wife."
Posted by: Jared S. | April 20, 2010 10:28 AM
"I'm like the opposite of Pigpen from Peanuts. Remember how he was always surrounded by a dust cloud? Well, I'm really clean and bubbles follow me. Get It? Call me Nepgip from now on."
Posted by: Stan from Accounting | April 20, 2010 2:23 PM
"Hi, I'm Rich Lather, and I like contributing to the New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption contest. I won once; let's be friends."
Posted by: Rich Lather | April 20, 2010 2:27 PM
"I don't want your protection Mr. Bond, I've got my own back."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 20, 2010 3:33 PM
"Living in the Bubble Belt makes me very light headed."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 20, 2010 3:35 PM
"Damn it, man! You forgot to run a rinse cycle on the seven astronaut trainees!"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | April 20, 2010 3:40 PM
"Sorry Jenkins, the New Yorker is not really interested in your flatulence joke. You might want to try the Anti-Caption. It's a barbaric place, quite gruesome actually, but I understand they encourage that sort of thing."
(Click below for last week's historic results.)
Posted by: al in la | April 20, 2010 4:27 PM
Get out of my office.
Posted by: Rocko (with a nod to Maya) | April 20, 2010 4:39 PM
"Wait till he finds out his abdomen is separated from his thorax."
Posted by: Glenn | April 20, 2010 5:34 PM
"I'm Fartacus!"
Posted by: Rob | April 20, 2010 6:20 PM
"The orbs here are opaque"
Posted by: MC | April 20, 2010 7:44 PM
Per your request, I've taken my head out of my ass, however, I refuse to go fuck myself.
Posted by: Rocko | April 20, 2010 8:42 PM
The ovals here are unseen.
Posted by: Rocko | April 20, 2010 8:44 PM
And they wonder what caused the banking crisis!
Posted by: Rob | April 20, 2010 9:10 PM
"That's John Paulson. He rides every fucking bubble then gets away scot free."
Posted by: Richard H | April 20, 2010 10:51 PM
"That's Alan Greenspan. He's says he's right 70% of the time. But when he's wrong, every bubble pops at once."
Posted by: Richard H | April 20, 2010 10:53 PM
"That's Jim Cramer. But don't criticize him or you'll get booted off the air."
Posted by: Richard H | April 20, 2010 10:55 PM
"That's Ben Stein. If comes round peddling financial advice, don't listen. He's an idiot."
Posted by: Richard H | April 20, 2010 10:57 PM
"That's Samuel L. Jackson. Just kidding, This is a New Yorker cartoon."
Posted by: Richard H | April 20, 2010 10:57 PM
Unlike myself, my mylar version is not biodegradable.
Posted by: boneguy | April 20, 2010 11:02 PM
I know Tibiten Sky Burials are very green, but Jesus, he's not even dead yet.
Posted by: boneguy | April 20, 2010 11:11 PM
"Dude, it's 4/20."
Posted by: Anonymous | April 20, 2010 11:50 PM
So, THIS is the change that Obama promised us?
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | April 21, 2010 5:10 AM
He's obviously a savant, you on the other hand better get back to your Differential Geometry homework.
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | April 21, 2010 5:13 AM
This must be your first visit to Medora, that's the ghost of Harold Schafer.
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | April 21, 2010 5:35 AM
I guess it's better than blowing smoke up the boss's ass, but if I have anything to do with it, you will never get that promotion.
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | April 21, 2010 5:41 AM
I'd love to see you call him a bubble brain to his face.
Posted by: Konrad Schwoerke | April 21, 2010 5:57 AM
"It's a new Olympic event called the Uphill Bubble Slalom, and we're the fucking poles."
Posted by: Rob | April 21, 2010 7:28 AM
You mean if I use a giant walrus penis? Yea, but now I've gone over 5 comments.
Posted by: lanemcclain | April 21, 2010 8:51 AM
"Ignore it. My penis tends to astral project."
Posted by: Willie | April 21, 2010 11:10 AM
My wife left me. Took the kids and everything. I'm going to pieces. I mean I am literally going to fucking pieces.
Posted by: Rocko | April 21, 2010 3:30 PM
"Mr. Dickfornose, have you seen my other pair of glasses."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 21, 2010 3:31 PM
"Great Party Mr. Dickfornose! I hope Gary brings the chips and dip.
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 21, 2010 3:36 PM
My bad. I thought the pop rocks and coke would kill him.
Posted by: cta | April 21, 2010 3:58 PM
"It looks like Bubble Boy has finally grown into a man, Mr. Dickfornose."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 21, 2010 4:01 PM
Lapilli, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you going to get a flight out of here?
Posted by: Rocko | April 21, 2010 4:19 PM
"He's forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.
They fly so high,
Nearly reach the sky,
Then like his dreams,
They fade and die.
Fortune's always hiding,
He's looked everywhere,
He's forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air."
Posted by: Anonymouse | April 21, 2010 5:31 PM
"This is how Mickey Mouse got his start, Mr. Dickfornose."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 21, 2010 5:34 PM
"I see the wind is blowing in from the west today so I'm not going to spit in your face today, Mr. Dickfornose."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 21, 2010 5:36 PM
I just can't pull myself together since we went 5-12 down the stretch in '07. Fuck it.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | April 21, 2010 6:32 PM
"That's Mr. Bond. He can't seem to stay dry."
Posted by: NAMBY | April 21, 2010 6:36 PM
"Time just ran out on his Roeth IRA."
Posted by: Rob | April 21, 2010 7:56 PM
"Only the dominant females get to spawn -- why is that so hard for you to understand?"
Posted by: Abe | April 21, 2010 8:22 PM
I'd have a smart-ass comment for you, Perkins, if butt-plug-themed remarks weren't the intellectual property of a disgruntled former employee.
Posted by: B.L. Lee | April 21, 2010 8:23 PM
"He's hooked on bubbles."
Posted by: Dave | April 21, 2010 10:58 PM
Check it out, Bob. I just found Thomas Pychon hiding in my ass.
Posted by: holden_c | April 21, 2010 11:39 PM
"They're funny because of the anthropomorphism."
Posted by: Joshua | April 21, 2010 11:48 PM
Don't even think about popping my bubbles with that uncircumsized cock of yours, Watson.
Posted by: holden_c | April 21, 2010 11:49 PM
"They're used condoms, Frank. Apparently there's a little something in that first one."
Posted by: holden_c | April 21, 2010 11:57 PM
"How the hell did you do that?"
Posted by: Grant | April 22, 2010 12:00 AM
"I sort of want to give you and eskimo kiss and I sort of want to kill you."
Posted by: Grant | April 22, 2010 12:02 AM
"I said I needed a 'bobble-head' version of myself for the meeting, not bubble-head."
Posted by: Grant | April 22, 2010 12:06 AM
"Dude, this is the best 4/20 ever."
Posted by: Grant | April 22, 2010 12:08 AM
"I'm so sick of the cartoons always having suburban white people like us, I wanted to protest by morphing into bubbles! Ahh! Anger!!"
Posted by: Grant | April 22, 2010 12:11 AM
"Perkins, you may be our best genetic researcher, but you're fired! You can't go around splicing my DNA with some bubble thing without my permission. And you're short. Actually, your lack of height is the only reason I'm firing your sorry, short ass. The splicing thing is just a cover so that you can't sue us."
Posted by: Anonymous | April 22, 2010 7:37 AM
"What. The. Fuck. Was. That?"
Posted by: Anonymous | April 22, 2010 7:45 AM
"My mom always told me that Super-Elastic Bubble-Plastic was going to give me cancer."
Posted by: Geepamer Yo | April 22, 2010 11:12 AM
"Effluvium!? I don't even know 'um."
Posted by: R2 | April 22, 2010 2:31 PM
I see you've pulled another idea for a cartoon out of your ass.
Posted by: D. Remnick | April 22, 2010 3:37 PM
"Do that again!"
"Okay... I do resemble a bubble."
"I forgot where I put my LSD"
"Oh yeah??! Well,I can blow a smoke ring that looks like a heart!"
Posted by: Johnny V | April 22, 2010 5:04 PM
"He was grounded due to Eyjafjallajokull, but they just gave him permission to take off."
Posted by: Glenn | April 22, 2010 5:54 PM
"He's been stripped of his manhood and suspended for raping a girl in Georgia."
Posted by: jazzy | April 22, 2010 6:21 PM
Although I no longer work here, I've been monitoring your output. It's this kind of shit that ran me off, you little twerp.
Posted by: B.L. Leed | April 22, 2010 6:51 PM
The air here is unclean.
Posted by: Anonymous | April 22, 2010 7:03 PM
An image from the German newspaper Der St——rmer, circa 1939, depicts a typical jew enjoying his special privalidges at work.
Posted by: Roma | April 22, 2010 9:12 PM
"No, I don't know why the main Radosh page has us stuck at '2:08 AM :: Comments (72)'"
Posted by: NJtoTX | April 23, 2010 8:54 AM
"He's just a figment of Barsotti's imagination. Ignore him."
Posted by: Tim H | April 23, 2010 9:13 AM
You seem to have some sort of wierd animus toward me.
Posted by: B.L. Leed | April 23, 2010 9:32 AM
"I hate it when that happens"
Posted by: Amy E | April 23, 2010 3:04 PM
"That's T-1000, the HR consultant management just brought in. Christ, I hope I don't get terminated."
Posted by: John Connor | April 23, 2010 4:35 PM
"He's standing behind me isn't he?"
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 23, 2010 6:45 PM
"Someone is using Head & Shoulders shampoo in the shower again, Mr. Dickfornose."
Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 23, 2010 6:53 PM
Holy shit, Higgins, the Anti-Caption Contest has spawned a bastard son, much in the manner that you have passed wind.
Posted by: Anonymous | April 23, 2010 7:32 PM
What will Mayberry be like without Goober? Tune in next week.
Posted by: Anonymous | April 23, 2010 8:11 PM
"How long have we been under water?"
Posted by: Deborah | April 24, 2010 3:43 PM
The testicles are out of proportion.
Posted by: Anonymous | April 24, 2010 3:59 PM
Listen, shit for brains. If you don't like the way I'm running things why don't you start your own god-damn company instead of hanging around here making a stink?
Posted by: Anonymous | April 24, 2010 7:04 PM
"Each bubble represents a boy scout he molested 30 years ago."
Posted by: Louie | April 24, 2010 9:01 PM
The odors here are obscene.
Posted by: P. Yew | April 24, 2010 9:42 PM
The work order from the Enterprise came in a week ago. You get back to the lab and fix the transporter and I'll get busy putting McCoy back together.
Posted by: boneguy | April 24, 2010 10:06 PM
"Hey, you want to ride my coat-tails, Bitch? I've got another self-serving idea to float by management."
Posted by: Pluppins | April 25, 2010 1:59 AM
That's out-of-the-box thinking for you.
Posted by: frannied | April 25, 2010 5:46 AM
Well, Obama DID promise us bubble chains.
Posted by: T. Bagger | April 25, 2010 1:43 PM
I'm having another out of body experience. Unless you want the Meyers account totally fucked up I'm going to need to take some sick leave. Fucking PCP.
Posted by: Anonymous | April 25, 2010 3:04 PM
"I know he says
Posted by: Tommy | April 25, 2010 3:52 PM
"I know he says he's leaving you, but those divorce papers aren't legal here in Texas."
Posted by: Tommy | April 25, 2010 3:52 PM
"'Beginnings' you idiot! The truth about Ruth....in your right hand! Fucking Polanski endings."
Posted by: Alcoholic Anonymous | April 25, 2010 5:39 PM
The hell with Avatar, watch this!
Posted by: holden_c | April 26, 2010 12:49 AM