The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #234

"I don't know. I still don't think you're skinny enough for the runway."

Posted by: Kathy H | March 29, 2010 1:31 PM

"If I hear one more peep out of you about equine osteoporosis...."

Posted by: Tim H | March 29, 2010 1:34 PM

"Shit! This happens every time I park overnight in Brooklyn."

Posted by: NAMBY | March 29, 2010 1:37 PM

"I'll tell you one thing. I haven't done any focus groups, but I'm fixin' on cornering the market on horsey scrimshaw."

Posted by: Kathy H | March 29, 2010 1:43 PM

———I———m so hungry I could eat a...........shit.———

Posted by: Rob | March 29, 2010 1:45 PM

"Do these 'skinny fit' jeans make me look gay? Be honest."

Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 29, 2010 1:48 PM

"Have you lost weight?"

Posted by: Tim H | March 29, 2010 1:53 PM

"Well, tomorrow I'll be sober and you'll still be dead."

Posted by: dwilk | March 29, 2010 1:59 PM

"Aw, dang it! Who forgot to feed the Chinamen?"

Posted by: L. Stanford | March 29, 2010 2:03 PM

———Ah don———t care whut dey say. I still think yer beautiful, Sarah Jessica.———

Posted by: Damon | March 29, 2010 2:15 PM

"I said, 'Do your Dinah SHORE!'"

Posted by: Rob | March 29, 2010 2:21 PM

"I think this proves Avatar was a direct ripoff of Dances with Wolves."

Posted by: Ravi | March 29, 2010 2:28 PM

Damon,

Your caption is colder than a transvestite donkey-witch's tit.

Posted by: Scrotie McBoogerballs | March 29, 2010 3:07 PM

"Hey, why the long face?"

Posted by: Sarah | March 29, 2010 3:11 PM

"If it was going to cost you your life, you should of at least brought a larger barrel."

Posted by: Anonymous | March 29, 2010 3:14 PM

"No, Mr. Bones, I suspect you'll remain tied"

Posted by: Roger M | March 29, 2010 3:16 PM

"Flicka, you crazy bastard, how the hell are you?"

Posted by: S. Cauthen | March 29, 2010 3:25 PM

"This is a big fucking deal!"

Posted by: Joe | March 29, 2010 3:27 PM

"Fuckin' Jews."

Posted by: Anonymous | March 29, 2010 3:27 PM

"Who ate my Mecklenburger?"

Posted by: Richard H | March 29, 2010 3:30 PM

"Well, I reckon it's time to ride on up to Cheyenne and git the results of Contest #272 onta the Inter- . . . Aw fuck, not again."

Posted by: Joshua | March 29, 2010 3:43 PM

Better make that:

"Well, I reckon it's time to ride on up to Amarillo and git the results of Contest #272 onta the Inter- . . . Aw fuck, not again."

(Just noticed the Texas belt buckle.)

Posted by: Joshua | March 29, 2010 3:45 PM

"Aw, nuts! Who's gonna bone me now?"

Posted by: Kenneth Pinyan | March 29, 2010 4:04 PM

"After my sarsaparilla, I'm fixin' to get me one of them there Randolph Scott Makeovers at the spa. So, stay put, y'hear?!"

Posted by: Kathy H | March 29, 2010 4:36 PM

Festus, you crazy bastard! Where the hell are you?

Posted by: CRC | March 29, 2010 4:54 PM

Hello, Mr. Bond. We've been expecting you to die.

Posted by: Anonymous | March 29, 2010 4:57 PM

Great concept for a cartoon, Mr. Tate, but it needs some fleshing out.

Posted by: CRC | March 29, 2010 5:00 PM

Congratulations. I think you're the first black man to be in The New Yorker Cartoon. That's a lousy horse.

Posted by: CRC | March 29, 2010 5:02 PM

"Hmm...There aren't any black people here...I wonder who could've done this?"

Posted by: Hedley Lamarr | March 29, 2010 5:03 PM

Come on in and see Kitty Carlisle.

Posted by: Anonymous | March 29, 2010 5:09 PM

Well, it looks like Tate the way Mr. Katz wrote it.

Posted by: CRC | March 29, 2010 5:12 PM

[Wow, CRC, we almost came at the same time!!!]

Posted by: Hedley Lamarr | March 29, 2010 5:26 PM

[CRC and Hedley Lamarr coming at the same time. Now, that's a cartoon!]

Posted by: Anonymouse | March 29, 2010 5:34 PM

"Right. And the next thing you'll tell me is that Ricky Martin is gay!"

Posted by: Tim H | March 29, 2010 5:39 PM

*sigh* Another day, another 20 Redfeather Injuns to kill. But in a month I'll have enough faction rep with the Dreadspur Cowboys to get this awesome mount.

Posted by: Walt | March 29, 2010 6:09 PM

"Well shewt - I thought all that screaming and whimpering was the brakes. Should've gotten the undercoating."

Posted by: Damon | March 29, 2010 6:29 PM

I see you've been through the desert on a horse with no mane.

Posted by: CRC | March 29, 2010 6:53 PM

"Well, Silver, I learned in my Texas textbook that evolution is hooey, so there's no way on God's earth you're gonna convince me to go back and examine the fossil record. Put your horseflesh back on. We're getting out of here. "

Posted by: Richard H | March 29, 2010 7:20 PM

For the lousy extra three bucks, I shudda got the Westworld Audio tour.

Posted by: boneguy | March 29, 2010 8:36 PM

"I traded my kingdom for this? Fuckers."

Posted by: not a regular | March 29, 2010 8:55 PM

And a happy fucking April Fools to you too, Damien Hirst!

Posted by: boneguy | March 29, 2010 9:14 PM

"I guess in lieu of a receipt, the dog food factory left me this..."

Posted by: boneguy | March 29, 2010 9:16 PM

You can't pull up on a piece of shit like that and expect to get through our velvet swinging doors.

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 29, 2010 9:45 PM

Ah, another empty suit. Welcome to Crawford.

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 29, 2010 9:51 PM

"Them margaritas were reeaaalllll good, but the bar-be-que tastes like horse meat."

Posted by: dwilk | March 29, 2010 10:11 PM

"Have you been waiting long, Incitatus?"

Posted by: Deborah | March 29, 2010 10:28 PM

"Mescalito, you crazy bastard! ——C——mo est—— usted?"

Posted by: C. Castaneda | March 29, 2010 11:32 PM

"The valet parking here is obscene."

Posted by: common tater | March 29, 2010 11:40 PM

"People seems to confuse their western pussies. Kitty Carlisle and Miss Kitty are similar, yet different"

Posted by: James | March 30, 2010 12:03 AM

"Where's your mojo now, Mr. My-two-foot-long-schlong-has-turned-to-dust?"

Posted by: Grandma | March 30, 2010 12:07 AM

"See... That didn't take so long, did it!?"

"Well, Dang! Dang dang dang!!!"

Posted by: Johnny V | March 30, 2010 12:58 AM

"The horses here are lean."

Posted by: Harry Karry | March 30, 2010 2:29 AM

"Best. Basashi. Ever."

Posted by: Chairman Kaga | March 30, 2010 2:37 AM

"You gotta head into the next town and bring back more booze- now run like the wind!"

"OK, so you don't want to end up like Kirstie Alley on 'Big Life'- you're still overreacting."

"Jest hold yer tarsals thar, Ol' Paint. You'll git them oats as soon as I form that posse for Frank Miller."

"If we want a shot at the Derby or even the Preakness, we're gonna have to tweak your Lasix dose."

"Give it up, already. I suspected an eating disorder from the very first batch of oats puke in your feedbag."

Posted by: LV | March 30, 2010 3:04 AM

Well, I'll be damned. I was tellin' the fellers inside that "you can take a horse to the bar, but can't make it drink" -- and they were rubbin' my nose in it for resortin' to a tired cliche.

Posted by: Kronk | March 30, 2010 5:45 AM

Shee-it. I left my keys in the saloon.

Posted by: gluelicker | March 30, 2010 5:48 AM

Well, I'll be... I expected to find a pile of bones out here.

Posted by: Lugar | March 30, 2010 5:56 AM

You were a lousy ride anyway.

Posted by: gluelicker | March 30, 2010 6:00 AM

Once my buzz wears off, I'll be haunted by this face. And spine. And ribcage.

Posted by: gluelicker | March 30, 2010 6:03 AM

Hey, Bones. Ed Hardy's on the phone inside. He wants to do a T-shirt with your likeness on it.

Posted by: clannish | March 30, 2010 6:23 AM

Ah, put a lid on it. This is the coldest summer we've had in a long time. You believe a guy who said he invented the internet?

Posted by: Inhofe | March 30, 2010 6:29 AM

(With apologies for seasonal timing):

"Just remember our motto here at Fort Dachau, 'Arbeit Macht Frei.'"

Posted by: TE | March 30, 2010 6:40 AM

"You say there were four of them? One on a white horse, one on a black horse, one on a red horse, and one on a pale horse? Well, thanks, Shergar, that's probably all the evidence we need to catch 'em up before they get to the border. Yep, sure is a good thing I'm a ghost-horse whisperer. Fridays this Fall on CBS!"

Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 30, 2010 6:41 AM

"Fuck."

Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 30, 2010 6:53 AM

"What're you laughing at? I just said I was the rootinest, tootinest cowpoke in this here Glasscock County, Texas, and probably any Glasscock anywhere and I'd take on all comers from Glasscocks."

Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 30, 2010 7:02 AM

"Has anybody seen my pants? No, I mean my other pants. With the stripes."

Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 30, 2010 7:06 AM

Equus caballus? You hardly even know us!

Posted by: JohnnyB | March 30, 2010 7:56 AM

"I'll thank you to keep your horse platitudes about horse latitudes to yourself."

Posted by: Kathy H | March 30, 2010 9:28 AM

"For the last time: I'm from Louisiana, but I call myself Tex 'cause I ain't gonna let nobody call me Louise. Capiche?"

Posted by: Tim H | March 30, 2010 11:57 AM

"Hi-yo, Boner, away!"

Posted by: andeux | March 30, 2010 1:13 PM

Christ, what an ossihorse.

Posted by: andeux | March 30, 2010 1:14 PM

"A corpse is a corpse, of course, of course." (OK, so it's stolen from an old SNL skit...)

Posted by: David T | March 30, 2010 1:40 PM

"So, you're Calista Flockhart's horse."

Posted by: Lieutenant Macaroni | March 30, 2010 2:56 PM

"It's....horse....meat. Cat food is made out of horse meat. You've got to tell them....Cat food is realllllyyyy hoooorse meeeaattttt!"

Posted by: Charleton H. | March 30, 2010 3:03 PM

"I said, 'a horse with no NAME.'"

Posted by: MrMoonPie | March 30, 2010 3:20 PM

"I'm going into the bar. You want me to get you some hay and a broom?"

Posted by: Theophylact | March 30, 2010 3:33 PM

"Vee vill take ova die ganza weldt, me and meine little liebchen robotic horsey. Vee vill change our surname from Hitler to Bush."

Posted by: Pope Benedict Adolph Bush | March 30, 2010 3:50 PM

"Looks like it's time for a new horse."

Posted by: Dave | March 30, 2010 4:10 PM

"Gross."

Posted by: Francis | March 30, 2010 4:12 PM

"Quite frankly, I don't think you'll make weight for the Kentucky Derby."

Posted by: Kathy H | March 30, 2010 5:29 PM

"It's funny, because the glue that's holding you together, that was your brother."

Posted by: Richard H | March 30, 2010 5:45 PM

"They eat horses, don't they?"

Posted by: Lietenant Macaroni | March 30, 2010 7:00 PM

"Wait here, Samson. I'll try'n git ya a Mogen David to go."

Posted by: dwilk | March 30, 2010 7:08 PM

"We're organizin' a posse. It seems the T-Rex exhibit escaped from the mu-zeum agin!"

Posted by: Lieutenant Macaroni | March 30, 2010 7:10 PM

"Shittt. You ain't the horse I rode in on last month."

Posted by: Rob | March 30, 2010 7:33 PM

"Oh no! My poor zebra!"

Posted by: mypalmike | March 30, 2010 8:51 PM

The hombres here are mean.

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 30, 2010 9:16 PM

"Howdy! Hello! How are you? Good afternoon! Welcome to town! Aww, who am I kiddin'? I'm just greeting a dead horse."

Posted by: mypalmike | March 30, 2010 9:16 PM

We're a proud and simple folk. This ain't no kinda town for a clothes horse.

Posted by: Anonymous | March 30, 2010 9:23 PM

"If I'm all hat and no cattle, then you're all saddle and no horse."

Posted by: dwilk | March 30, 2010 9:54 PM

"She took you to the reverse taxidermist, didn't she."

Posted by: Glenn | March 30, 2010 10:34 PM

Oh my God. Is that you, Harry?

Posted by: Lonesome Dave | March 30, 2010 10:47 PM

"I hate it when horses dessicate."

Posted by: Swaption | March 30, 2010 11:46 PM

[OUT OF PANEL VOICE:] "...continuing our tour of the Creation Museeum, here we see a typical Old West scene of a cowboy with his loyal dinosaur..."

Posted by: NAMBY | March 31, 2010 2:44 AM

"Crazy Horse, you crazy horse! What the fuck happened?"

Posted by: Rob | March 31, 2010 5:02 AM

"Aw, shit. PETA's gonna be all over my sorry ass."

Posted by: Glenn | March 31, 2010 8:33 AM

Apparently I got the AIDS virus from some saloon whore and passed it on to you. Sorry.

Posted by: JohnnyB | March 31, 2010 8:49 AM

Do you think that the writer's on Gunsmoke named "Miss Kitty" as some kind of sexual innuendo?

Posted by: JohnnyB | March 31, 2010 8:50 AM

Here's another banal caption: As the new sheriff in town, I'm going to ban al in la commentary. But don't quote me on that.

Posted by: JohnnyB | March 31, 2010 8:54 AM

Who wears white after Labor Day? Your daddy, that's who!

Posted by: Adam | March 31, 2010 12:02 PM

"Yeah, my belt buckle's in the shape of Texas. What of it?"

Posted by: Glenn | March 31, 2010 12:31 PM

"Yes, it was the Apache chief, Wiki, who told that 'the skeletal system of the horse has three major functions in the body. It protects vital organs, provides framework, and supports soft parts of the body. Horses typically have 205 bones. The pelvic limb typically contains 19 bones, while the thoracic limb contains 20 bones '."

Posted by: Tim H | March 31, 2010 5:09 PM

We've got to find his collar. alinla is in a panic that it's going to wind up on the Mets.

Posted by: B. Baller | March 31, 2010 9:14 PM

You must be parched.

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 31, 2010 9:34 PM

"Buttercup, go get help!"

Posted by: Lietenant Macaroni | March 31, 2010 10:01 PM

"What's wrong Mr. Ed--cat got your tongue?"

Posted by: Equinery | April 1, 2010 1:13 AM

Guess I'm just a cardboard cowboy riding a pantomime horse into a Potemkin village . . .

Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | April 1, 2010 6:19 AM

"What's the problem, Karen? Jesus was a carpenter and he came back from the dead."

Posted by: dwilk | April 1, 2010 7:20 AM

"Is this your idea of an April Fools joke? Well, it worked! I love it!!"

Posted by: Anonymouse | April 1, 2010 9:14 AM

"I guess the folks in Brokeback really mean it when they say, 'fuck you and the horse you rode in on.'"

Posted by: Anonymous | April 1, 2010 12:14 PM

"Draw!...the rest of the horse, you idgit! I'm hornier than a two-peckered dog and got to git to Miss Kitty's Pussy Parlor pronto!"

Posted by: Wild Bill Hardcock | April 1, 2010 1:20 PM

Diggin Up Bones, I'm diggin up bones.....

Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 1, 2010 2:14 PM

He's lactose intolerant.

Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 1, 2010 2:16 PM

I should have known better than to park my horse here alone in this neighborhood.

Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 1, 2010 2:23 PM

I bought him at the Smithsonian.

Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 1, 2010 2:25 PM

His fat free diet seems to be working well.

Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 1, 2010 2:48 PM

There's no bones about it he loves to horse around.

Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 1, 2010 2:49 PM

Get your bony butt over here.

Posted by: Roger McGaugh | April 1, 2010 2:51 PM

"Will the owner of the stegosaurus with the tiny barrel on its back please remove it from the driveway? It's chewing on the porch post again."

Posted by: c1w | April 1, 2010 2:53 PM

"Damn horse. Why does everything I kill die?"

Posted by: Damon | April 1, 2010 3:05 PM

"Sorry about that. They wouldn't let me leave until I had just one more drink."

Posted by: Dave | April 1, 2010 4:15 PM

There is something about the inside of a horse that is good for the outside of a man.

Posted by: AmyE | April 1, 2010 4:46 PM

"Fuck you anyway! Look closely. See that little mouse in the lower left corner of the saloon door; she's my new 'ride'."

Posted by: GW | April 1, 2010 5:43 PM

I may have a drinking problem.

Posted by: Charles | April 1, 2010 6:16 PM

Shit. Now I have to call Arecibo and they take forever on the weekends.

Posted by: Charles | April 1, 2010 6:17 PM

James Van Der Beek: "I done told you, Red - you're mah horse, an yew'll always be mah horse. But you been dead for eight years now. You can't keep unburying yourself to come be with me. You gots to let go, an so do I. Git. Go on now, git! We'll be t'gether in Heaven one day, I promise..."

Director: "Cut. Try again, but this time, make it even sadder. Action!"

James Van Der Beek: "Ya te dije, Rojo - eres mi caballo, y t—— siempre ser——s mi caballo. Pero usted ha estado muerto desde hace ocho a——os..."

Posted by: Damon | April 1, 2010 7:52 PM

"Juanita likes it real slow."

Posted by: Rob | April 1, 2010 8:00 PM

Y'all 'r welcome to keep a waitin', but I reckon mypalmike ain't gonna show
up no more, 'tho he used to be the propropietor here.

Posted by: Patience | April 1, 2010 8:28 PM

The whores here are clean.

Posted by: Eldrick | April 1, 2010 10:47 PM

"Heeeey Macarena!"

Posted by: Dex | April 2, 2010 12:05 AM

"It seems to be some kind of metaphorm for the results of rash military adventures, but I'll be danged if I can interpretate it."

Posted by: Joshua | April 2, 2010 4:04 AM

All right, fuckers———the first guy I see in a horse suit gets a kick in the nuts.

Posted by: ander | April 2, 2010 4:44 AM

"Dyin' aint much of a livin' boy... Oh my gawd! I always wanted to say that!"

Posted by: PO w/da BO | April 2, 2010 4:59 AM

On the set of Men In Black 3, Tommy Lee Jones, confident from recent winning Anti-Caption posts (anonymous) and certain of a humorous outtake blurts out, "RAPTURE! YOU READY?!" There's a long silence followed by a mouse fart.

Posted by: PO w/da BO | April 2, 2010 5:27 AM

Once Republican Party hopefuls, Bobby Jindal and John McCain (who only moments before shared Stage 4 at the Tea Party gathering) swap notes on all the "Olive Garden" pussy that has descended on Searchlight, Nevada.

Posted by: PO w/da BO | April 2, 2010 6:00 AM

"Sweet merciful saloon whore time machine!"

Posted by: Brian L | April 2, 2010 11:38 AM

"Simon says put your hands on your hips. You're out, again!"

Posted by: Ricky | April 2, 2010 11:43 AM

"Now, here———s the plan. First, I'll be takin' care of that varmint who called me The Bone Ranger. Then, I'll be chowin' down at this 3-star emporium. And, finally, I'll have them wrap up my leftovers in a horsey bag and then we'll vamoose."

Posted by: Anonymouse | April 2, 2010 11:44 AM

"Well, I'll be. It's pretty clear what you gave up for Lent."

Posted by: Anonymouse | April 2, 2010 11:46 AM

Mr. BERGSTROM: There are three things wrong with this picture. Name them and you get my hat.

LISA SIMPSON: The horse is a skeleton; your belt says 'State of Texas", but it wasn't a state until 1845; and there is a Medical Marijuana dispensary down the block."

Posted by: NAMBY | April 2, 2010 2:37 PM

"I'll stop drinking if you join a support group for anorexics."

Posted by: David Schneider | April 2, 2010 2:58 PM

This must be one o' them quarterhorses.

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | April 2, 2010 5:35 PM

"In Soviet Russia, horse spooks you."

Posted by: Jess | April 3, 2010 3:19 AM

"Okay, who the hell put a miniature barrel on my horse's saddle?"

Posted by: Glenn | April 3, 2010 10:05 AM

"Ha! Ha ha! I guess I need a new horse."

Posted by: Deborah | April 3, 2010 10:25 AM

"I know! I know! But what 'bout me and my 'roids?!"