The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #233
al in laSubmit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
Rules & Tips
WINNER (THREE-WAY TIE)
"Did someone in here order a jug band to play a plaintive, Depression-era folk tune about downward class mobility?" --Trout Almondine
"You think you've got it bad? We're just the latest in a long line of redneck caricatures created for the sole purpose of making New Yorker readers feel culturally superior."-- clannish
"My name's Brigham Young and these are my wives. We've come to complain about the rapid and deep decline in prophets. And your spelling."-- TG Gibbon
For 2nd, 3rd & 4th place as well as all the many Honorable Mentions and a comment for each one go here.
Comments
"Back in my day, what happened at the pettin' zoo stayed at the pettin' zoo!"
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 22, 2010 3:55 AM
"You wanted to see us boss?"
Posted by: NAMBY | March 22, 2010 5:44 AM
"Did you want milk or sugar in your Texas tea?"
Posted by: Rob | March 22, 2010 6:59 AM
We told you that would happen if Obama was elected.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 22, 2010 8:44 AM
You laid off Caveman, Guy lost in Desert, People in Bar? All the stock cartoon figures? At least no black people lost their jobs.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 22, 2010 8:47 AM
They said we could come in here and commit beastiality.
Posted by: JohnnyB | March 22, 2010 8:49 AM
"What a coinky-dink, young feller, the missus and I just screwed the pooch, too. And the dunkey. And the b'ar."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 22, 2010 8:52 AM
"My name's Brigham Young and these are my wives. We've come to complain about the rapid and deep decline in prophets. And your spelling."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 22, 2010 9:07 AM
"When you say 'I'm firing your ass,' can you be more specific?"
Posted by: Tim H | March 22, 2010 9:47 AM
"We're not very sophisticated people, Mr. Jonhson, but we built this company over three generations using nothing but hard work and industry. It was great to finally hire a professional manager such as yourself so we could take our first vacation in 30 years. Two weeks in Des Moines was very invigorating, but we're also glad to be back. So tell us, how is business doing?"
Posted by: Richard H | March 22, 2010 10:12 AM
"A promise is a promise, Mr Langstaff. I suggest you try and loosen your jaw up a little. And Betty dear, would you mind fluffing the donkey's dick?"
Posted by: Richard H | March 22, 2010 10:15 AM
"Don't want to take up your time, young man. Just wanted to say 'Thanks' for bringin' back Leno."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 22, 2010 10:15 AM
"So this is the new conference room table we're supposed to be excited about?"
Posted by: Richard H | March 22, 2010 10:16 AM
[That Leno brilliance was brought to by "Kathy H". That's "Kathy H, for all your Anti-Caption needs.]
Posted by: Kathy H | March 22, 2010 10:17 AM
"You needed a 'visual aid' to tell you that? No wonder there ain't no profits. You ain't seen a baby, squirrel, raccoon and porkypine hereabouts, have ye? The varmints have off and disappeared."
Posted by: Vern | March 22, 2010 10:26 AM
We're the new management. Someone threw in "Palm Technologies" at the cattle auction this morning.
Posted by: LK | March 22, 2010 11:03 AM
"Wanna feel better? Do the smart thing. Y'know, Elizabeth Smart - that thing we took from its bedroom?"
Posted by: Damon | March 22, 2010 11:07 AM
Why is this table so big?
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 22, 2010 11:12 AM
"I'm sorry, sir, but I have to repossess your cattlemen -- you know the cowherds here are on lien."
Posted by: Jared S. | March 22, 2010 11:19 AM
It's Jethro and Ellie May. And no, the years have not been kind.
Posted by: boneguy | March 22, 2010 11:43 AM
By dingies you were right, Woman. You can smell a badly formatted graph from nine hunnert miles away.
Posted by: Walt | March 22, 2010 11:46 AM
kthxbai
Posted by: Walt | March 22, 2010 11:52 AM
"You're fired, Higgins. We're bringing in a new jackass to run the company."
Posted by: Richard H | March 22, 2010 12:02 PM
We heard Manure Corp. wasn't doing so well so we're here to make a donation.
Posted by: boneguy | March 22, 2010 12:03 PM
I guess you're wondering why we all came here today.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 22, 2010 12:25 PM
"I found that donkey with the Beatles haircut you were looking for. Hee haw wants you so bad."
Posted by: Damon | March 22, 2010 2:19 PM
"The wolf is at the door. Also two hillbillies and a donkey."
Posted by: Francis | March 22, 2010 2:31 PM
"Someone told me you needed Edward Tufty's help -- well, that's m' donkey, Edward Tufty. What can he do you fer?"
Posted by: Francis | March 22, 2010 2:34 PM
"We're dropping your marketing firm. `Ass Enter' was a bad idea for a company name, even if we do fuck donkeys. We're going with `Accenture' instead."
Posted by: Damon | March 22, 2010 2:44 PM
"While the GAAP numbers are troubling, they don't tell the whole story. Barring one-time executive transition and restructuring costs, your EBITDA profile shows a business that is poised for growth. Assuming you can execute a plan for driving operating efficiencies and hit your Q3 2011 forward revenue expectations and P/E numbers, this chart will look like a mere speed bump by FY 2013."
Posted by: mypalmike | March 22, 2010 3:12 PM
"Well what did you expect? You've got no fucking Y-axis."
Posted by: Dave | March 22, 2010 3:16 PM
"Face it, son, the dream is over. Now come on home and help me milk yer Ma———she's about ready to burst."
Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 22, 2010 3:28 PM
"Fuel cell energy, that crazy idea! How's revenue growth?"
Posted by: dwilk | March 22, 2010 5:12 PM
"Time to return to an agrarian economy, I reckon."
Posted by: Tim H | March 22, 2010 5:29 PM
Har-REE! Har-REE!! Har-REE!!!
Posted by: Anonymous | March 22, 2010 6:39 PM
"Just flip it upside down and quit yer damn whining!"
Posted by: Glenn | March 22, 2010 7:04 PM
"That thar's whacha git fer pickin' Kansas over Northern Ioway in yer fancy brackets. No matter, it's Kentucky all the way!"
Posted by: LV | March 22, 2010 9:56 PM
"What'dya expect? You let them pro athletes smoke the weed and get mellow and of course they're going to throw less tantrums. Fewer fits means lower ratings, dagnabbit."
Posted by: Rich Lather | March 22, 2010 11:22 PM
"Well I'll be a monkey's taint, that graph's approaching what we country folk call a 'mother-fucking asymptote'."
Posted by: Granny | March 22, 2010 11:30 PM
"Some of the shareholders are wondering if they can shit on the floor."
Posted by: Sarah | March 22, 2010 11:37 PM
"We want our money now, and kiss my ass while you're at it."
Posted by: Rob | March 23, 2010 7:27 AM
"Back away, city slicker! People die from lightnin' strikes like that there."
Posted by: dwilk | March 23, 2010 7:51 AM
"Hey Buck-O, we just bought your intellectual property in a fire sale conducted by your senior secured creditor; wipe away your tears, and get the fuck out of here."
Posted by: Sarah | March 23, 2010 8:50 AM
"That's what happens when you wait too long to judge last week's contest."
Posted by: Luke | March 23, 2010 10:27 AM
"What in tarnation are you looking at? Is that that stuff they call 'paper'? Tell me you're not wearing a Hefty Bag."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 23, 2010 1:09 PM
"You idiot... The gold is in 'Those There Hills'"
Posted by: Johnny V | March 23, 2010 4:17 PM
"At this rate, Prof. Its will never get tenure."
Posted by: Tim H | March 23, 2010 5:07 PM
"Wanna get high?"
Posted by: Chong | March 23, 2010 5:26 PM
Hey al in la. I think he's dead.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 23, 2010 6:26 PM
"Howdy, I'm al in la and this is my wife, my mule and my dog. This week we'll all be judging the caption contest."
Posted by: Doug | March 23, 2010 6:44 PM
"And if ya want sa'more di-pressin' news visit my blog to see last week's unofficial results. (and would it kill ya to leave a freakin comment?)"
Posted by: al in la | March 23, 2010 6:56 PM
No Muni Bonds? We expected you to buy.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 23, 2010 8:53 PM
"Tarnation! The profits have sure dropped off since Granma replaced Ellie Mae in the donkey show."
Posted by: Steve_O | March 23, 2010 10:32 PM
Land o' Goshen, look at that graph! No wonder Harry high-tailed it outta town.
Posted by: Patience | March 23, 2010 11:20 PM
The profits here are lean.
Posted by: William Hill | March 23, 2010 11:26 PM
Holy donkey dung, mama. Profits is saggin' more'n your flesh melons.
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 23, 2010 11:41 PM
"Yeah, yeah, so the company's in the shitter... but get a load of the phallic probosces on my critters."
Posted by: Lugar | March 24, 2010 2:13 AM
"Thar ain't no creative accountin' that kin cover up this mess. Now put that in mama's corn cob pipe and smoke it."
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 24, 2010 2:18 AM
"No, Mr. Icahn, we expect you to buy! The Old Lady calls it 'Countercyclical.'"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 24, 2010 7:47 AM
"No, Mr. Kerkorian, we expect you to fry... the burro and the wolf. The Old Lady calls it 'Lunchmeat.'"
Posted by: gluelicker | March 24, 2010 8:15 AM
"Here's that mule you wanted. But I still don't git the part about the coke you wanted delivered to yer I-Banker friends."
Posted by: gluelicker | March 24, 2010 8:24 AM
"Well it's obvious it's obvious it's all because you got such a tiny head."
Posted by: Rexy | March 24, 2010 11:54 AM
"I thank ahm speakin' on behalf of all of us when I say thatch yer a loser."
Posted by: Lugar | March 24, 2010 12:17 PM
"Well, the way I see it, if you didn't start so goddamned high, you wouldn't end up so goddamned low."
Posted by: Kathy H | March 24, 2010 12:44 PM
"I'd say your problem is declining profits."
Posted by: Joshua | March 24, 2010 1:33 PM
"The Outlook isn't good. But we did use it to book this conference room, so scram."
Posted by: mypalmike | March 24, 2010 1:47 PM
"Hey, mister, they's any work aroun' here?"
Posted by: Tom Joad | March 24, 2010 3:38 PM
"Son, we told you you'd never amount to anything. Now come on home with yer own kind."
Posted by: Denise | March 24, 2010 4:40 PM
"The donkey and the coyote say that ya might wanna create a shitload of non-voting preferred shares, issue one big ass debenture and then split for the Caymans."
Posted by: Dave | March 24, 2010 7:26 PM
"Pardon me, son, could you tell us where we might find the menswear and animal feed department?"
Posted by: Dave | March 24, 2010 7:31 PM
this place has been knocked on it's ass ever since al in la has been judging the captions. Speaking of asses.
Posted by: amy E | March 24, 2010 8:07 PM
"Which one of us is your varmint?"
Posted by: Rob | March 24, 2010 8:15 PM
"Okay, I brought the accounting department. What did you want to talk about?"
"St. Francis, we're worried about our profits."
Posted by: Deborah | March 24, 2010 8:24 PM
I guess we was wonderin' why Harry hasn't called in today.
Posted by: Patience | March 24, 2010 10:33 PM
"This is a big fucking deal!" [please note: this is the 2010 all-purpose anti-caption]
Posted by: Dex | March 24, 2010 11:58 PM
"As a CEO or as a judge of anything, you deserve a big fat hairy "F", Ron"
Posted by: Sarah | March 25, 2010 12:13 AM
"What are you so down about? It's a piecewise function over that domain. It even passes the vertical line test."
Posted by: Albert | March 25, 2010 12:37 PM
"I think all it needs is one of them purple Viagry pills."
Posted by: Tim H | March 25, 2010 12:59 PM
Fiduciary! You crazy bastard! How the hell are you not indicted?
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 25, 2010 2:55 PM
I reckon we oughtta cut taxes on the well-to-do and start us a couple a' wars. Oh, we already did?
Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 25, 2010 3:08 PM
"What we need is more sex. Sell the sexy. How do you expect old people to buy ridiculously expensive life insurance plans without making it sexy?"
Posted by: Grant | March 25, 2010 3:46 PM
*Zen caption*
"Ma, Pa, Captain Booger, our profits have dropped 80%? What are we going to do?"
"The bass swims under the dead tree."
Posted by: Grant | March 25, 2010 3:49 PM
"Your little foray into city life didn't work out, huh, son? Never forget, Tom, we Joads are a hearty lot. We are the people that live."
"Pardon me, are you almost done with the conference room? We have it booked."
"Hi, Steve. As soon as we all get settled, you can tell me and the Board of Directors how right I was that there was a market niche in this economy for Okie-style clothing."
"Did someone in here order a jug band to play a plaintive, Depression-era folk tune about downward class mobility?"
Posted by: Trout Almondine | March 25, 2010 4:27 PM
"Well Mr. Insurance-Company-Bigshot, I reckon now you know what it's like to be Teabagged--and by that I mean the act of a black man placing his big-hairy-progressive democrate balls in ya' pasty-faced-conservative-cock-suckin' mouth."
Posted by: Anonymous | March 25, 2010 9:03 PM
The comments here are obscene.
Posted by: Dewey Goodman | March 25, 2010 9:22 PM
It looks like we're about ready to do a public stock offering.
Posted by: CRC | March 25, 2010 10:31 PM
"I told you to use a logarithmic scale on the y-axis, but you didn't listen to me."
Posted by: Albert | March 26, 2010 1:08 PM
"...y'all order a quorum?"
Posted by: Tim H | March 26, 2010 3:19 PM
"That picture-thingy reminds me of the angle of my man-gristle when granny tapes up her boobs and tries to seduce me by pole dancing.
Posted by: Dick Grayson | March 26, 2010 4:37 PM
You suck.
Posted by: CRC | March 26, 2010 7:24 PM
"That's it? A dollar for four quarters?"
Posted by: dwilk | March 26, 2010 8:59 PM
"Who the fuck broke my profit sign? I underlined it nine times."
Posted by: c1w | March 26, 2010 9:38 PM
"I thought you said nose enlargements was the next big thing!"
Posted by: c1w | March 26, 2010 9:39 PM
The company only this week reached the point where cost-saving measures must be implemented? My God, man! In an economic climate like this your efforts are akin to a bonefide management miracle! Stand up! Wipe the frown from your face! Take my mule, my dog! Spend a night with my wife! Come back tomorrow fresh and rested, and together we'll start working to turn this company around!
Posted by: Doug | March 26, 2010 9:43 PM
"I told you, son, you should have stuck with animal husbandry."
Posted by: Dave | March 26, 2010 10:43 PM
"Hey! Your company rented me a boat to go up Shit Creek, and you didn't give me no paddles!"
Posted by: Caleb | March 27, 2010 10:53 AM
"Are you ready to accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior now?!?"
Posted by: Rev. W.E. Chipotle | March 27, 2010 11:58 AM
"Well, Mr. Radosh, sir, as 'Sarah Supporters for Daniel Radosh' perhaps we can shed some light. Firstly, Mr. Stephen Baldwin is good people..."
Posted by: PO w/da BO | March 27, 2010 2:16 PM
We're heading back to the Ozarks. C'mon Granny.
Posted by: Austin | March 27, 2010 2:34 PM
We'd like to talk to you about refinancin' our mortgage.
Posted by: Austin | March 27, 2010 2:35 PM
I'm back from "Undercover Boss." I take it there were no problems while I was gone?
Posted by: Austin | March 27, 2010 2:41 PM
News of the decline were largely over-shadowed by a phallus.
Posted by: PO w/da BO | March 27, 2010 3:14 PM
"Yeah. No. Micheal, I love it. I get it. 'The Big Short'. Going back to 'Moneyball', would my character say something like, 'Welcome to Moneyball. The first rule of Moneyball is that there is no Moneyball'?"
Posted by: PO w/da BO | March 27, 2010 3:54 PM
"The name's Gibbon. Theodore Grant Gibbon, no relation, and we'd like to cast four Anti-Caption votes for..."
Posted by: PO w/da BO | March 27, 2010 4:03 PM
Maybe if we changed the name of our act to "The Aristocrats"...
Posted by: Steve_O | March 27, 2010 4:34 PM
HILLBILLY: "'Cuse me. Is the the Professional Relief Organization For Indigent Trans-Sexuals?"
MAN AT TABLE: "No, this is Pious Republicans Offering Idiotically Trite Solutions."
Posted by: Jess Sayin | March 27, 2010 7:09 PM
Well, yer half right thar, fella... these may be end times, but Prophets are lookin' up -- not down.
Posted by: Lugar | March 28, 2010 7:12 AM
Now, how hard kin life be when you got a double-wide to go home to?
Posted by: Lugar | March 28, 2010 7:14 AM
Thar's a way outta this mess. Take what's left in cash flow and put it all on the Mountaineers in Indy-napolis.
Posted by: Lugar | March 28, 2010 7:18 AM
Quitchyer whinin'. The way I see it, you still got two-thards of the fiscal year left.
Posted by: Lugar | March 28, 2010 7:21 AM
"Name's Zebediah. Can't help much with yer business troubles. But I notice yer table ain't done being polished. The old lady and the pets are always willin' to apply a li'l elbow grease."
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 28, 2010 7:37 AM
"I'd offer ya some moonshine for yer troubles, but the gawd-damn wolf-dog just snorted the last jug."
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 28, 2010 7:45 AM
"Ahr yew the feller who ordered fried baloney takeout?"
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 28, 2010 7:59 AM
"I beg your pardon? Hillbillies?!? No, we're from Blackstone."
Posted by: Yangxiao | March 28, 2010 8:00 AM
"You think you've got it bad? We're just the latest in a long line of redneck caricatures created for the sole purpose of making New Yorker readers feel culturally superior."
Posted by: clannish | March 28, 2010 8:13 AM
"I don't wanna hear any excuses, buddy... the S&P 500 is up 100% since its low of a year ago."
Posted by: clannish | March 28, 2010 8:24 AM
"If this were a Hollywood ending, you'd come back with us to our holler and rediscover the joys of the simple life. But it's not... your Lexxus keys, please."
Posted by: clannish | March 28, 2010 8:33 AM
"We're here with your 1930's style bailout."
Posted by: Brian L | March 28, 2010 1:20 PM
"Eliza! Hey, I'm talking to you! You're supposed to be at the Passover Seder."
Posted by: Yahweh | March 28, 2010 2:13 PM
"Motion to make last week's unofficial results official approved. Now we've gotta run———7:00 rez at Dorsia. Oh yeah, and fix that profit shit or I'll cut off your head with a chainsaw."
Posted by: Patrick Bateman | March 28, 2010 3:54 PM
Let's use images of these critters' penis-shaped faces to increase sales to the under-18 demographic.
Posted by: Dick | March 28, 2010 6:14 PM