The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #232

"These parties don't really get interesting until the fucking starts."

Posted by: Richard H | March 15, 2010 4:39 AM

"Must be the whine speaking."

Posted by: dwilk | March 15, 2010 5:10 AM

"Who said newspapers were dead?"

Posted by: Kronk | March 15, 2010 7:00 AM

"The table manners here are obscene."

Posted by: gluelicker | March 15, 2010 7:03 AM

"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! What else goes with chianti?"

Posted by: Yangxiao | March 15, 2010 7:06 AM

"They're not hungry yet. Must be daylight savings time."

Posted by: gluelicker | March 15, 2010 7:12 AM

"I'd comment about your not having a mouth, but that'd be a cliche. That happens every once in a while, every time 'Dd' renders a cartoon. So I guess I'll go back to reading my book. Oh, you don't seem to have anything to do. Well, you could hum yourself a little... oops."

Posted by: gluelicker | March 15, 2010 7:16 AM

"Get a life."

Posted by: Kronk | March 15, 2010 7:19 AM

"If you're restless, you could try picking your nose."

Posted by: Kronk | March 15, 2010 7:21 AM

"You may not like my earrings, but I don't like your dinner guests. Too self-occupied."

Posted by: gluelicker | March 15, 2010 7:26 AM

———Do you cum here often, or are you just adjusting your napkin?———

Posted by: dwilk | March 15, 2010 7:54 AM

"I'm attracted to men who ignore me so fuck off!"

Posted by: Rob | March 15, 2010 8:12 AM

"If I wanted to talk to someone, I would have brought a cellphone. Now fuck off."

Posted by: Richard H | March 15, 2010 8:39 AM

"These board meetings got a lot better once we just stopped giving a fuck."

"Don't look now but I think the guy next to me listening to 'My Sharona' on repeat is Lenin. I said don't look!"

Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 15, 2010 8:42 AM

"The Cahors here is obscene."

Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 15, 2010 8:48 AM

"I don't know. Why are any of us here? Who can say? We've been mulling it over for years. The best we came up with is it's probably good to look busy."

Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 15, 2010 8:51 AM

Meanwhile, at the weekly meeting for the Department of Semiotics and Abortion: "Jesus is coming, look busy!"

[Just call me Sean Delonas!]

Posted by: TG Gibbon | March 15, 2010 8:55 AM

Look over there. Outside the frame. Kinda makes you want an iPad, huh?

Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | March 15, 2010 9:21 AM

I give up: what solitary pursuit are you engaged in? . . . EWWWW !!!

Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | March 15, 2010 9:24 AM

Just between us, I'm getting burned out on South By Southwest. I mean, look at these douchebags . . .

Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | March 15, 2010 9:37 AM

Well, this is the New Yorker, after all. I only invite white people to my soirees -- although I suspect the bald guy over there might be Armenian.

Posted by: Talentless | March 15, 2010 9:44 AM

Al, you really fucked up the last round of judging. That's why we're ignoring you.

Posted by: clannish | March 15, 2010 9:49 AM

If it weren't for the wireless handset, and the cordless headphones, and the mini-laptop, you'd think we were in Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

**SILENCE**

Oh yeah, and we'd need a black guy.

Posted by: Talentless | March 15, 2010 9:54 AM

"This is MY 50th birthday party Mr Massa, and there will be no tickling until I say so."

Posted by: Richard H | March 15, 2010 10:16 AM

This place isn't so bad. It IS the only 3-star abortion clinic listed in Zagat's.

Posted by: LK | March 15, 2010 11:30 AM

"How do you do. My name is Ms. Evloret and I've recently lost a lot of weight...and height."

Posted by: Kathy H | March 15, 2010 11:35 AM

Come on, Greed. Give Wrath his white rooks back, before he goes postal on us. Then you can do me, because being an attractive woman, of course I'm Lust.

Posted by: Walt | March 15, 2010 11:45 AM

"That's no excuse for why you can't lick me out once in a while."

Posted by: Ellen | March 15, 2010 11:47 AM

"And tell me, Mr. Anderson, what good is a glass of wine if you are unable to drink?"

Posted by: Agent Smith | March 15, 2010 12:19 PM

My withered left arm isn't strong enough to stroke your balls so feel free to get started.

Posted by: boneguy | March 15, 2010 12:49 PM

This is Time-wasters Anonymous. Kill or Be Killed is down the hall.

Posted by: boneguy | March 15, 2010 12:54 PM

Two glasses? Aren't you special.

Posted by: Austin | March 15, 2010 1:10 PM

Bring your own.

Posted by: Austin | March 15, 2010 1:11 PM

"It's amazing how the MTA is always crying poverty, yet can still come through with the WOW! factor on this D train."

Posted by: Tim H | March 15, 2010 1:37 PM

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dine."

Posted by: JohnnyB | March 15, 2010 2:23 PM

"My hand has just a couple of digits, do you mind?"

Posted by: JohnnyB | March 15, 2010 2:24 PM

"My opponent, Bobby Fisher here, hasn't made a move in years. I fear he may be dead. I will check when I finish this book."

Posted by: JohnnyB | March 15, 2010 2:27 PM

"I don't get this book. You can't be `precious' and weigh more than a Subaru."

Posted by: Damon | March 15, 2010 2:29 PM

"It's titled The Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives. You're number four."

Posted by: Rob | March 15, 2010 2:37 PM

"Christ, not another pawn to queen 4 opening!"

Posted by: dwilk | March 15, 2010 2:55 PM

"Quit looking at me, you asshole"

Posted by: Grandmama | March 15, 2010 4:13 PM

"Shut up, Bob, everyone knows your head is a clip-on."

Posted by: Rob | March 15, 2010 5:13 PM

"Why, yes, I am reading Senator Dodd's new bill, the Restoring American Financial Stability Act of 2010, and I have just one word for it: Fascinating!"

Posted by: Kathy H | March 15, 2010 5:20 PM

What did you expect from a bunch of pompous oeniphiles?

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 15, 2010 5:53 PM

Why don't you take out your cell phone and try to mingle?

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh (jc in po) | March 15, 2010 6:03 PM

I don't give a shit that Drew Dernavich invited you.
You're not getting any double D action out of me this week either.

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 15, 2010 6:10 PM

What the fuck did you expect at a Republican caucus on health care reform?

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 15, 2010 6:18 PM

What the fuck did you expect at a Republican caucus on health care reform?

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 15, 2010 6:19 PM

"Sorry, this is the only book I brought but I have a vibrator and half a hit of E that you're welcome to."

Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 15, 2010 8:59 PM

"Don't kid yourself; nothing's changed. It's not like macrame, whittling, scrimshaw, and nitting were so social. And undoubtedly all your ancestors were blind douchebags."

Posted by: Aunt Pharm | March 15, 2010 9:50 PM

"It's not my fault you forgot your Kindle, Matthew. Now please stop masturbating under the table."

Posted by: Richard H | March 15, 2010 10:44 PM

"These breakfast club reunions suck."

Posted by: Brian L | March 16, 2010 11:43 AM

"Did you here that my boyfriend is playing in The Masters?"

Posted by: Kathy H | March 16, 2010 11:46 AM

[Oops. "...hear..."]

Posted by: Kathy H | March 16, 2010 11:48 AM

"Forget your empty pop bottle, night in the box. Got to clean your plate, or go back in the box"

Posted by: Boss | March 16, 2010 12:55 PM

"Keep still. It takes a long time for this much ink to dry."

Posted by: Damon | March 16, 2010 1:12 PM

I know you hate these affairs, but please try to be a self-absorbed asshole for my sake.

Posted by: Jim Cavanaugh | March 16, 2010 1:50 PM

"Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat."

Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 16, 2010 3:09 PM

Psst... is that guy still trying to play chess with me?

Posted by: Sam | March 16, 2010 3:22 PM

You're an outgoing, considerate prick.

Posted by: CRC | March 16, 2010 4:48 PM

"What I'd like to know is who the fuck does a cartoon in woodcut?"

Posted by: David | March 16, 2010 5:01 PM

"Everybody's got their little diversions and pseudofreedoms that prevent them from realizing the Man is fuckin 'em. Drink, smoke - call it "freedom" - drug yourself, recycle, watch TMZ. Ramrod a Codex, but don't take my Ipod"

Posted by: Rich Lather | March 16, 2010 7:23 PM

"Salinger? Salinger's full of shit. Ayn Rand, baby....Ayn Rand!"

Posted by: dwilk | March 16, 2010 7:30 PM

Can you believe the eyebrows on this dude next to me?

Posted by: JohnnyB | March 16, 2010 8:16 PM

No, Mr. Bond, I expectorate wine.

Posted by: JohnnyB | March 16, 2010 8:19 PM

"I'm up here."

Posted by: Dex | March 16, 2010 10:22 PM

"First time on the Acela I take it?"

Posted by: mypalmike | March 17, 2010 1:33 AM

"Hence, horrible shadow!
Unreal mockery, hence!"

Posted by: Brian L | March 17, 2010 2:58 AM

"Look, just tune out, turn off, and go fuck yourself"

Posted by: Sarah | March 17, 2010 10:36 AM

"You seem a little more like a line-dancing, Hokey-Pokey type. Nobody wants you here."

Posted by: Penelope | March 17, 2010 10:38 AM

Don McElroy? Never heard of him. Do you know who Thomas Jefferson was?

Posted by: Austin | March 17, 2010 3:00 PM

Did you know this textbook from Texas teaches you how to stick your head up your own ass? It even has diagrams.

Posted by: Austin | March 17, 2010 3:02 PM

"Did you say something?"

"I'm sorry?"

"For what?"

"Huh?"

"Mam, your arm is lumpy."

Posted by: Grant | March 17, 2010 3:24 PM

"Hehe. squeaky chair."

Posted by: Grant | March 17, 2010 3:25 PM

"When I give the signal I'm going to kick these two in the balls, slit this girl's throat with a broken glass. You throw your book at chess boy, and put headphones man to sleep with a reverse chokehold."

Posted by: Grant | March 17, 2010 3:32 PM

"It's The Bible Cure for Candida and Yeast Infections. I haven't had much success with it, as you can probably smell."

Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 17, 2010 3:33 PM

"Guilty. Not-guilty. Whatever. Just let me finish my wine before we go back."

Posted by: NAMBY | March 17, 2010 6:37 PM

"You're left-handed? Let's switch chairs."

Posted by: Rob | March 17, 2010 9:43 PM

"Would you mind playing chess with Elvis Costello while I go look for a better cartoon?"

Posted by: LV | March 17, 2010 10:02 PM

"Just think of the irony. Someone in the real world is sitting alone in their little box staring at a computer screen trying to make fun of OUR isolation."

Posted by: Jean-Paul | March 18, 2010 10:41 AM

[whispering] "To your left———man, woman, or man who looks like an old lesbian?"

Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 18, 2010 2:10 PM

Keep it in your pants. The tournament bracket, I mean. Christ, what a low-brow.

Posted by: CRC | March 18, 2010 3:52 PM

"You should've thought of that before you helped gentrify the neighborhood."

Posted by: Francis | March 18, 2010 5:22 PM

"Excuse me, do you have a bookmark you can spare?"

Posted by: Steve | March 18, 2010 5:36 PM

Write some of your lame anti-caps.

Posted by: CRC | March 18, 2010 6:57 PM

I know they're a bunch of dicks. Bear with me for one more hour and I'll fuck your brains out tonight.

Posted by: CRC | March 18, 2010 7:10 PM

"God, Harry, why can't you be a joiner?"

Posted by: Wile E. Chipotle | March 18, 2010 11:56 PM

"I guess you're wondering why I called you all here today."

Posted by: Joshua | March 19, 2010 12:02 AM

"No, Fusilli, I expect you to die. I mean fucking die."

Posted by: dwilk | March 19, 2010 7:08 AM

"It takes a real skeeze to hit on chicks at the library."

Posted by: Jessica | March 19, 2010 1:21 PM

I got Nebraska a huge Medicare
exemption. How about you?

Posted by: boneguy | March 19, 2010 8:52 PM

If anyone asks, we're considering mortgage loan modification requests this morning.

Posted by: Rocko | March 19, 2010 10:02 PM

"Everyone's preoccupied with something. You're obviously obsessed with my tits."

Posted by: Glenn | March 20, 2010 9:09 AM

"Sorry I took your tampon. I mean napkin."

Posted by: mypalmike | March 20, 2010 1:54 PM

"Welcome to what used to be 'The Hump'...a sushi restaurant for the adventurous... But, they closed when it was found they served whale meat... Why are we here? Once you had Shamu you can't go back to REAL Moo!"

"I wish there were black people here to see this..."

"Barry, we really shouldn't meet here like this. My husbands are getting suspicious!"

Posted by: Johnny V | March 20, 2010 5:38 PM

We're mostly a bunch of misfits who are uncomfortable in social settings. Besides, we all have our five captions in and there's little to do but wait.

Posted by: A. Capper | March 20, 2010 7:29 PM

"Are you sure you want to lick my clitoris?"

Lick.
Don't lick.
Lick later.

Posted by: Rob | March 20, 2010 8:24 PM

"To Serve Man. It's a cookbook. And soylent green is people. Any other questions?"

Posted by: Glenn W | March 20, 2010 9:05 PM

"You won't like the menu. It has only men."

Posted by: Swaption | March 20, 2010 9:09 PM

"It——s a Jew thing. You wouldn——t understand."

Posted by: Anonymous | March 21, 2010 1:32 AM

I have some toy cars in my purse you can play with.

Posted by: Amy E | March 21, 2010 11:07 AM