The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #220
Harry EffronSubmit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
———Last week's results. ———Rules and tips.
First Place:
"Quit fucking around." -- Steve_O
Second Place:
"You're just a shadow of what you used to be, just like my wife." -- Rob
Third Place:
"Stop eating your own feces." --TG Gibbon
Honorable Mention:
"Christ, what a shadow." -- The Confidence Man
"If this is your non-verbal way of pointing out that I have the lights mounted on the wall of my office instead of the ceiling and yet, strangely, I cast no shadow at all, I take your point." -- Joshua
"Mr. Foo-Foo, you have a repetitive stress fracture consistent with scooping up field mice and bopping them on the head. A regimen of Ben Gay and ibuprofen should have you back at it in no time." -- Rich Lather
Comments
"Look, duck, turning your head away from me is not going to change the fact that you're going to die."
Posted by: Sarah | December 7, 2009 2:05 PM
"You're interested in hare removal?"
Posted by: Richard H | December 7, 2009 2:06 PM
"And you think it was sexually transmitted"
Posted by: Richard H | December 7, 2009 2:06 PM
"Have you been eating more carrots like I told you to?"
Posted by: Richard H | December 7, 2009 2:07 PM
———You———re just a shadow of what you use to be, just like my wife.———
Posted by: Rob | December 7, 2009 2:18 PM
"Can I have a handjob now?"
Posted by: MAtt | December 7, 2009 2:22 PM
And a venti double cappuccino, and three pieces of coffee cake, and Doreen wants an egg salad sandwich, and... oh, never mind, I'll just write it down for you.
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 7, 2009 2:23 PM
I can see why erectile dysfunction would be a real problem for you, given everything I've heard about rabbits. I mean, I don't want to perpetuate a damaging and offensive stereotype about your kind or anything. How many wives did you say you had?
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 7, 2009 2:26 PM
"I see you have adapted well to life without legs."
"Arthritis is a bitch, but having your hands locked in that position has me thinking someone 'up there' has a sense of humor."
Posted by: MAtt | December 7, 2009 2:28 PM
Mr. Sullivan, please be more careful with your shadow! Now I'm going to have to have Latasha clean and disinfect the walls and the side of the exam table.
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 7, 2009 2:28 PM
Well, the hare graft seems to have taken pretty well.
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 7, 2009 2:29 PM
"Your test results indicate it's lights out for you, Mr. Bunny"
Posted by: Susie | December 7, 2009 2:29 PM
Tell me more about these recurring nightmares of ducks and bald men with shotguns.
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 7, 2009 2:30 PM
"Mr. Foo-Foo, you have a repetive stress fracture consistent with scooping up field mice and bopping them on the head. A regimen of Ben Gay and ibuprofen should have you back at it in no time."
Posted by: Rich Lather | December 7, 2009 2:33 PM
"Mr. Foo-Foo, you have a repetitive stress fracture consistent with scooping up field mice and bopping them on the head. A regimen of Ben Gay and ibuprofen should have you back at it in no time."
Posted by: Rich Lather | December 7, 2009 2:36 PM
As for the feeling that you could come apart at any moment, and that some invisible person is controlling your every move, I can reassure you that these concerns are quite common in shadow animals. Because it's true. You could come apart at any moment, and some invisible person is controlling your every move. I realize this isn't terribly reassuring.
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 7, 2009 2:38 PM
I'm sorry, but I think my mouth is too small for you to fit both hands into.
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 7, 2009 2:39 PM
"The x-rays show you're a jackass instead of a jackrabbit."
Posted by: dwilk | December 7, 2009 2:39 PM
I'm afraid I have bad news. I still have 50 more years to live.
Posted by: LK | December 7, 2009 2:56 PM
"If there is no God, then who's holding the fucking flashlight?"
Posted by: Rob | December 7, 2009 3:17 PM
"Mr. Fudd, we've determind that you have a wabbit fixation."
Posted by: Tim H | December 7, 2009 3:28 PM
"For your health, I recommend not standing in the middle of the road like that."
Posted by: Francis | December 7, 2009 3:30 PM
"Well, I'm not a real doctor either."
Posted by: Francis | December 7, 2009 3:31 PM
"I'm sorry, Mr. Black Rabbit of... Inl——, did you say it was? I can't divulge any information about Hazel-rah's condition. Doctor-patient confidentiality, you know."
Posted by: Rubrick | December 7, 2009 3:32 PM
"I can't help you. You either need a veterinarian or a psychiatrist. And clothes, too, you need clothes."
Posted by: Francis | December 7, 2009 3:33 PM
"I don't see anything physically wrong with you. But psychologically, you often attribute your own thoughts to other people. Your problem is projection."
Posted by: mypalmike | December 7, 2009 3:43 PM
"It sure is bright in here. I'm going to close those blinds."
Posted by: mypalmike | December 7, 2009 3:47 PM
"Mrs. Palin? If you could you be serious for a moment, we need to discuss how we're going to put Trig down."
Posted by: NAMBY | December 7, 2009 3:50 PM
I'm afraid your accident with the hydraulic chocolate bunny mold has crushed your hands beyond repair. I'm going to have to amputate both of them. I'm terribly sorry.
Posted by: Walt | December 7, 2009 3:52 PM
"You have about 3 weeks to live."
"Yes, you do have something wrong with your penis."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 7, 2009 3:58 PM
"Foo Foo Silly, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you?"
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 7, 2009 3:59 PM
"Ehh...What's up, Doc?"
Posted by: Grant | December 7, 2009 4:36 PM
"Hello Freudian representation of my sexual potency which has caused many problems in my life such as my 19 kids by 17 women in five different countries, creating a ridiculous child support bill, for which I had to get this third job, working the graveyard shift as a janitor in a hospital where I like to drape a stethoscope across my shoulders and grab a clipboard and walk around to different rooms trying to find women to screw."
Posted by: Grant | December 7, 2009 5:05 PM
"Of course not, Mr. Bonds. I expect you to hit home runs. Now, the pharmacy is just down the hall to the left."
Posted by: Grant | December 7, 2009 5:15 PM
"That we professional appraisers of shadow puppets dress as physicians is our business. And, yes, you call me 'Doctor.'"
Posted by: Abe | December 7, 2009 5:26 PM
"X-rays show multiple fractures, but you need to see someone who specializes in casting shadows."
Posted by: dwilk | December 7, 2009 5:43 PM
Christ, what a shadow
Posted by: The Confidence Man | December 7, 2009 6:08 PM
"As a doctor I am overworked -- I mean I barely get to see my kids as it is. So if you're going to just screw around please leave and tell my receptionist to send in the next patient."
Posted by: J.D. | December 7, 2009 6:17 PM
"I can give you something for the erection, but there's nothing I can do about those ten foot long legs."
Posted by: Rob | December 7, 2009 6:45 PM
"The operation was a success. Your horribly disfigured, fused hands now look like a cute little bunny!"
Posted by: Steve_O | December 7, 2009 6:55 PM
"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Me. Because I'm a cardiologist."
Posted by: Rubrick | December 7, 2009 7:03 PM
"Oh, waiter. There's a hare in my examination room."
Posted by: Kathy H | December 7, 2009 7:07 PM
"It says here that you claim to have invented hip-hop."
Posted by: Tim H | December 7, 2009 7:09 PM
"Why, yes, we are indeed hiring. Just knock on the door that says Vivisection"
Posted by: Kathy H | December 7, 2009 7:12 PM
"Take two carrots and call me in the morning."
Posted by: Dave | December 7, 2009 7:16 PM
"It could be a duck or it could be a crocodile, Mr. Smith. The only thing I know for sure is that you have an inoperable brain tumor."
Posted by: Dave | December 7, 2009 7:18 PM
"Look, if you want this portrait to turn out well you're going to have to hold still."
Posted by: Pat Broderick | December 7, 2009 7:48 PM
It's cancer of the prick.
Posted by: firebus | December 7, 2009 7:49 PM
"Of course not, Mr. Bond. i expect you to dance."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 7, 2009 7:56 PM
"Of course, you're pregnant again with eight penumbras."
Posted by: LV | December 7, 2009 8:23 PM
Please stop trying to pinch my nipples with your shadow-hand. It's very distracting.
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 7, 2009 9:23 PM
That's great. Hold it right there while I make a quick sketch.
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 7, 2009 9:24 PM
You claim this is a good likeness of the rabbit that attacked you, but I've never seen a black rabbit with white eyes.
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 7, 2009 9:26 PM
Of course not, Mr. Bun. I expect you to diet.
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 7, 2009 9:32 PM
"Mr. Tucker, would you please stop grabbing your massive dick!"
Posted by: Glenn | December 7, 2009 10:41 PM
"Very funny. Now put him down if you want to keep working at this vet."
Posted by: Steve_O | December 7, 2009 11:09 PM
"Yes, it is hard to believe that this much damage could be done by one small woman, Mr. Woods."
Posted by: Steve_O | December 7, 2009 11:11 PM
"No, Miss Lebovics, the rabbit is still dead and you're still pregnant. You're not going to convince me otherwise."
Posted by: Glenn Hauman | December 8, 2009 1:56 AM
"Stop eating your own feces."
"Very good. Now do an elephant."
"Yep, that'll be the hantavirus. You should regain use of your hands in 3-7 days. Or be dead. Whichever. I'm not the boss of you."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 8, 2009 8:09 AM
"With a cock like that, rabbit reproduction rates suddenly make sense to me."
Posted by: David | December 8, 2009 10:05 AM
"I'll adjust the spotlight and if you would kindly get on the exam table and uncross your feet I'll begin your gynie exam."
"Don't you know fisting a rabbit is very unhealthy, especially for the rabbit?"
Posted by: LV | December 8, 2009 10:13 AM
"Dr. Richards! As fascinating as the story of Dr. Doom's attempt to turn all non-Latverians into bunnies is, we need to try taking your blood pressure again."
Posted by: David | December 8, 2009 10:33 AM
"Yes, I agree that this problem likely stems from the time you were sodomized by the Easter Bunny at the mall."
Posted by: David | December 8, 2009 10:43 AM
"We just finished stitching back up. She's angry, and wants you to know that when she said she wanted to 'fuck like rabbits', getting fisted with two hands in a shadow puppet pose is not what she had in mind. Oh, and the super glue should wear off in a few days."
Posted by: David | December 8, 2009 11:10 AM
Make sure to let Sybil know that I miss her too.
Posted by: boneguy | December 8, 2009 11:12 AM
"hmm... These stripes on the exam table aren't exactly parallel."
Posted by: Brian L | December 8, 2009 11:26 AM
I know it's irresistible at parties, but the bunny shaped tumor has got to go.
Posted by: boneguy | December 8, 2009 11:28 AM
Cough.
Posted by: boneguy | December 8, 2009 11:29 AM
"I'm sorry we built on your indian burial ground, oh great spirit of 'Sikyatavo-friend of the rabbits.'"
Posted by: Brian L | December 8, 2009 11:34 AM
"You're here because you're a rabbit and you're not able to multiply? You're a fucking shadow, dude!"
Posted by: NJtoTX | December 8, 2009 11:45 AM
"No, no... I check your prostate."
Posted by: mike | December 8, 2009 2:46 PM
"A black puppet with big ears in a doctor's office, and a "bunny" yet -- obviously a racist comment on Obama's health care reform. Anybody ever seen Sean Delonas and Paul Noth in the same room at the same time? I rest my case."
Posted by: J.D. | December 8, 2009 3:59 PM
"Hey, Patch Adams, I'd like finish my rounds. Thanks."
Posted by: R.K. | December 8, 2009 5:23 PM
"Actually, this is quite common. You may also experience some giggling, and a persistent desire to hear Pink Floyd music...As I mentioned earlier, medical marijuana DOES have a few side effects."
Posted by: NAMBY | December 8, 2009 5:37 PM
"Your shadow puppetry skills would be more impressive if I couldn't see that rabbit you're holding."
Posted by: Richard H | December 8, 2009 6:18 PM
"I find it very disturbing that you can do that with your legs."
Posted by: Kathy H | December 8, 2009 6:18 PM
"Whaddya mean Bunny Lake Is Missing?"
Posted by: Tim H | December 8, 2009 6:22 PM
"Yes. I, too, enjoyed Picasso at the Lapin Agile."
Posted by: Kathy H | December 8, 2009 6:31 PM
"I understand that Czarina Alexandra eschewed ermine in favor of rabbit."
Posted by: Tim H | December 8, 2009 6:36 PM
"You wonder if I have a God-complex? Look, you little piece of fuckin' shit shadow puppet bunny, I AM GOD!"
Posted by: Rich Lather | December 8, 2009 9:33 PM
"Just one more example of the shit they don't prepare you for in med school."
Posted by: dwilk | December 9, 2009 3:35 AM
"Let me see... bunny... Playboy... you're here to talk about erectile dysfunction, Mr Jones? Oh I'm sorry, wrong again. Tell me, how exactly did you get those hutch sores?"
Posted by: Richard H | December 9, 2009 5:19 AM
"It's good the Jefferson Airplane aren't here to see this."
Posted by: Rob | December 9, 2009 7:10 AM
"The Brown Bunny? The one where Chlo—— Sevigny gives Vincent Gallo the blowjob of his life and he cums in her mouth and they're both moaning? No, haven't seen it."
Posted by: Glenn | December 9, 2009 10:43 AM
"Ummmm ... Renee Zellwiger? I told you I'm no good at this. Hows about we play a game of celebrity farts instead. Guess who this is: skweeeeeeeeeeephtphtpht. Give up? Haha. Mary Tyler Moore. Hahahahahahahahaha."
Posted by: J.D. | December 9, 2009 3:22 PM
I've had patients on Viagra come in with 5 hour erections, but a five hour shadow animal? Never!
Posted by: Whitney | December 9, 2009 3:23 PM
"No. It's not Acid Reflux; it's Rabbit Redux."
Posted by: Tim H | December 9, 2009 6:17 PM
"I'm sorry, but I don't know the words to Me and My Shadow."
Posted by: Kathy H | December 9, 2009 6:32 PM
"Ok smarty pants, try doing it with one hand behind your back."
Posted by: dwilk | December 9, 2009 7:24 PM
"The good news is we can save your hands. The bad new is...Mr. Nibbles won't survive the operation."
Posted by: Steve_O | December 9, 2009 10:58 PM
"Quit fucking around."
Posted by: Steve_O | December 9, 2009 10:59 PM
"Two syllables, sounds like 'habit.' Is it elephant?"
Posted by: Joshua | December 9, 2009 11:09 PM
"I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?"
Posted by: Tim | December 9, 2009 11:13 PM
"Your LDL, that's your bad cholesterol, is at 195. That means -- listen, this is important. That means you're at increased -- please stop doing that."
Posted by: Joshua | December 9, 2009 11:18 PM
The tests show that your lipid levels are normal, Mr. Noth. But there's an unusually high level of insipid this week.
Posted by: Kiki | December 10, 2009 1:14 AM
"Uhhh Timmy, could you wait outside while I examine your mother's vagina."
Posted by: Rob | December 10, 2009 7:14 AM
"This could be a touching Oscar-worthy story about a man paralysed and unable to communicate to the world except through basic animal hand shadows. Could be. You know, if you weren't a notorious concentration camp guard."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 10, 2009 10:03 AM
"If this is your non-verbal way of pointing out that I have the lights mounted on the wall of my office instead of the ceiling and yet, strangely, I cast no shadow at all, I take your point."
Posted by: Joshua | December 10, 2009 12:18 PM
"You realize it's Chrikwanzkah this month, not Easter. Oh, are you a wittle one-hit-wonder shadow puppeteer. How about a Santa or a menorah, bi-atch. But nooo, you can only do bunnies 'cause you're a fucking douchebag."
Posted by: Rich Lather | December 10, 2009 4:29 PM
"C-mon. That looks more like a rabbit than a swastika."
Posted by: dwilk | December 11, 2009 2:17 AM
"Yes I agree, the lighting power here is extreme."
Posted by: NAMBY | December 11, 2009 5:31 AM
"Look, no one loved Patch Adams more than me, but if we were to supplement the entertainment-based treatment with, say, chemotherapy, perhaps the children wouldn't die so much."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | December 11, 2009 6:52 AM
Isn't it strange how you can make Mr. Bunny dance while I project no shadow whatsoever. It's as though I've given it up like Peter Schlemiel, that poor mensch from Chamisso's early 19th-century short story. No pun intended.
Posted by: Algernon Wattismore | December 11, 2009 6:34 PM
"Suppose a newly-born pair of rabbits, one male, one female, are put in a field. Rabbits are able to mate at the age of one month so that at the end of its second month a female can produce another pair of rabbits. Suppose that our rabbits never die and that the female always produces one new pair (one male, one female) every month from the second month on. How many pairs will there be in one year?"
Posted by: Fibonacci | December 12, 2009 1:03 PM
"Yes, it's amazing what you can do with 5 penises, Mr. Limbaugh."
Posted by: Rusty | December 12, 2009 1:05 PM
"Don't turn away from me, Mr. Duck. You need to hear this."
Posted by: NAMBY | December 12, 2009 4:33 PM
"No, Mr. Bun, I expect you to die. Within three to six months."
Posted by: Joshua | December 12, 2009 5:39 PM
"For patients like you, I charge a flat rate."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | December 12, 2009 11:15 PM
"It is perfectly logical that we use shadow puppet rabbits as test subjects. After all, this is a clinical trial for a new drug from Prozac's Eli Lilly. Eli Lilly, who collaborated in the CIA's MK-UTLRA mind control/brainwashing experiment, where LSD was administered to unwitting subjects, sometimes leading to psychosis and death. Eli Lilly, whose board of directors overlapped with the administrations of both Bush I and Bush II. Were this a Pfizer drug trial we would not use pretend bunnies. We would instead experiment upon Nigerian toddlers, and after we killed a bunch of them quickly jump on the plane in the middle of the night and sneak home, hoping nobody noticed."
Posted by: J.D. | December 13, 2009 1:08 AM
(So... who won?)
Posted by: Rose Fox | December 14, 2009 5:20 PM
"I'm not judging this caption contest until you stop with the bunny ears nonsense, take off your pants, and jump up on this cold plastic seat and crumple up this cheap roll of paper. And I mean it."
Posted by: Frank | December 14, 2009 11:15 PM
"What's that, girl? You say Harry Efron fell down a well before he could judge last week's contest? The same well as two weeks ago, or the one from four weeks ago? You'd think that guy would be more careful around wells!"
Posted by: Joshua | December 15, 2009 5:27 PM
"I wish I could do that, but all I got from Stanford was a lousy M.D."
Posted by: gluelicker | February 11, 2010 12:21 PM
"The rabbit is cute, but with arms like that you might want to check your insurance coverage again."
Posted by: gluelicker | February 11, 2010 12:27 PM
"The hell with ObamaCare... what good is my medical practice if I can't choose my own patients?"
Posted by: gluelicker | February 11, 2010 12:31 PM