The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #217
al in la
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
WINNER
"Look on the bright side. With all the tears of our laid-off colleagues, I created a great salt water pool."-- Richard H
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"It's your wife's Today sponge. I'm going in to try to find my buddy's car keys."--gary
"I don't know who draws this shit, but my snorkel is gonna fill my lungs up with water, and you're wearing a double-breasted pullover. Totally fucking lame."--MAtt
CERTIFICATE OF ATTENDANCE
(New category: Anti-Caps that shamelessly reference judges and/or contest.)
"For my next trick, I will judge last week's anti-caption contest! . . . Ha ha! Just kidding! That would be insane! I'm actually just going to dive into the piranha pool."--Joshua
I guess the jig is up. No, I'm not actually working for the Daily Show. I've been away from the blog working on my form to enter the diving competition at the Christian Olympics.-- The Confidence Man
"I'm sorry, but after I referenced Bob Dylan, my innards AND the Anti-Cap Contest in one sentence, I decided to end it all. Or, take a dip. Either way." --Tim H
"Last one in is an al in la!"--Kathy H
Comments
Hey Buford, what's the big idea putting filing cabinets in the common room? And are you wearing a suit?
Posted by: firebus | November 16, 2009 9:39 PM
"I don't care...Some stupid pun about an office pool....'Surfing the net' maybe...Some kind of gay thing... Maybe you could be that crazy bastard Fusilli....I don't give a fuck! I just want to get in first!"
Posted by: NAMBY | November 16, 2009 9:40 PM
It's true, we've been taken over by Speedo. Which is even stranger because I'm an abortion doctor.
Posted by: LK | November 16, 2009 9:44 PM
"Blast that firefly! Beaten by a fucking minute! Why didn't you just push me in?."
Posted by: NAMBY | November 16, 2009 9:52 PM
I got it all at the Madoff auction.
Posted by: Pandyora | November 16, 2009 10:47 PM
"Why fly when I can swim?"
Posted by: intepid | November 16, 2009 11:08 PM
"What the hell is going on here?"
Posted by: Rubrick | November 16, 2009 11:45 PM
"No, I don't mind. Send them right in. This pool could use a couple of midgets."
Posted by: mypalmike | November 17, 2009 12:12 AM
Care to join me in a drink, Mr. Draper?
Posted by: Maxwell Hammer | November 17, 2009 12:13 AM
"It's a pool of subprime mortgages. Come on in, the water's fine."
Posted by: mypalmike | November 17, 2009 12:26 AM
"Come on in, the urine's fine!"
Posted by: J.D. | November 17, 2009 12:41 AM
"Does this swimsuit make my penis look big? Nice jazz hands, by the way."
Posted by: J.D. | November 17, 2009 12:44 AM
"Yeah, it's an office pool. What did you think I meant?"
Posted by: dwilk | November 17, 2009 4:04 AM
Yeah, it looks nice, but I told you to put on a bathing suit.
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 17, 2009 7:46 AM
Get me a coat rack so I can hang my cloths properly.
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 17, 2009 7:47 AM
Can't get to your desk? That's the least of your worries. My pool is ruining your carpet.
(and this caption is destroying your cartoon)
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 17, 2009 7:49 AM
"It's my first day, so I thought I'd dive right in."
"It's your wife's Today sponge. I'm going in to try to find my buddy's car keys."
Posted by: gary | November 17, 2009 8:55 AM
"Can I miss the meeting? I have a very full plate today."
Posted by: Johnny V | November 17, 2009 9:29 AM
"Allez-ooo--Mr. Henderson! I thought our meeting was at 2:30, not 3:20, which is when it is now. And that you'd missed it. Sorry about this. Long story short my wife is a witch. An actual honest-to-goodness witch and so her mother's a witch, too, and she...No? Not working for you? Would you believe live action Mario Brothers?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | November 17, 2009 9:39 AM
"Cheryl! What are you doing here?"
"Well at meetings you're always talking about 'pooling' our resources as a department so I fucked your wife."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | November 17, 2009 9:40 AM
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtan!"
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | November 17, 2009 10:36 AM
"I want to die, but not by drowning. And I'm afraid of heights. So I'm going to break my neck on the bottom of this shallow pool. Can you tell Lisa in accounting? I want her to find my body. Thanks."
Posted by: R.K. | November 17, 2009 10:56 AM
"I don't think I'll ever get the hang of these Japanese toilets."
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | November 17, 2009 11:01 AM
"Hold my calls."
"I don't know how it got in here but goddammit, I'm gonna use it."
"I don't know who draws this shit, but my snorkel is gonna fill my lungs up with water, and you're wearing a double-breasted pullover. Totally fucking lame."
Posted by: MAtt | November 17, 2009 12:18 PM
"Look, just shut the fuck up. I need to jump RIGHT NOW; The pool is in Telophase!"
Posted by: Rich Lather | November 17, 2009 12:34 PM
"Hey Hot-stuff. Jump in and I'll give you a Chlorine-Sanchez!"
Posted by: Jyce Cranston | November 17, 2009 12:45 PM
"This is better than doing my job at CIA. I used to despair over my errand boy roll in the eradication of democracy and permanent regime takeover of the US. But then I threw away my TV and took my own mind back, and realized there was inspiration everywhere. For example, the Indian non-cooperation movement (September 1920 to February 1922) was the first-ever series of nationwide people's movements of nonviolent resistance and civil disobedience, led by Mahatma Gandhi. The Rowlatt Acts were legislation that imposed authoritarian restrictions upon Indian people. The notion of habeas corpus was discarded, and the police and army were empowered to search and seize property, and detain and arrest any Indian without the slightest need for evidence. Gandhi's call was for a nationwide protest against the Rowlatt Acts. All offices and factories would be closed. Indians would be encouraged to withdraw from Raj-sponsored schools, police services, the military and the civil services, and lawyers were asked to leave the Raj's courts. Public transportation and English-manufactured goods, especially clothing, would be boycotted. The success of the revolt was a total shock to British authorities and a massive encouragement to millions of Indians."
Posted by: J.D. | November 17, 2009 1:18 PM
Christ, what a bath hole.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | November 17, 2009 1:53 PM
Scyllis you crazy bastard!
Posted by: The Confidence Man | November 17, 2009 1:59 PM
Without permission: The sky settles everything -- not only climates and seasons but when the earth shall be beautiful. By herself she can do little -- only feeble outbursts of flowers. But when the sky chooses, glory can rain into the office or a benediction pass from conference room to conference room. The flourescents can do this because they are so strong and so enormous. Strength comes from electricity, infused in it daily; power from the prostrate earth. No waters infringe on the curve. League after league the earth lies flat, heaves a little, is flat again. Only in the south, where a group of fists and fingers are thrust up through the soil, is the endless expanse interrupted. These fists and fingers are the Marabar Pools, containing the extraordinary caves.
Posted by: Go India | November 17, 2009 2:00 PM
I guess the jig is up. No, I'm not actually working for the Daily Show. I've been away from the blog working on my form to enter the diving competition at the Christian Olympics.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | November 17, 2009 2:01 PM
"For what it's worth, I don't believe this is Olympic-size."
Posted by: Tim H | November 17, 2009 2:06 PM
"I never have gotten the hang of bidets."
Posted by: Kathy H | November 17, 2009 2:07 PM
"Maybe I did read The Magic Christian one too many times, but, dude, Terry Southern was like Nostradamus reincarnated."
Posted by: Not Funny Jackson | November 17, 2009 2:24 PM
"Look out! Ya wanna get wet?!"
Posted by: Tim H | November 17, 2009 3:37 PM
"Don't you ever knock? I could've been sexually harassing someone in here!"
Posted by: Francis | November 17, 2009 4:18 PM
"I brought a 'dip' for the office party! Get it? Oh, and send a memo down to the 12th floor to quickly build a load-bearing column under my office so this pool doesn't crash through their ceiling."
Posted by: Francis | November 17, 2009 4:21 PM
"Hey, welcome to my 'ool'. You may notice there's no 'P' in it. That's misleading. It's almost entirely urine."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | November 17, 2009 4:29 PM
"Just shut up, and they'll never think to look under it for blood stains."
Posted by: Glenn W | November 17, 2009 4:42 PM
"Well, you call Federal Express and you ask them where the fuck my floaty inflatable dragon is."
Posted by: Francis | November 17, 2009 4:48 PM
"Hey! I thought I told you to keep those shivs you call fingers the fuck away from my inflatable pool!"
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | November 17, 2009 5:45 PM
"All I asked for was a computer, but noooooo! So, I brought in an inflatable pool. Go ahead and try to fire me, and I'll slap you with a lawsuit so fast your taint will bleed. And tell me that the sight of some guy jumping into a pool didn't actually make you drop your paper. What a pussy!"
Posted by: Bartleby | November 17, 2009 6:23 PM
"Bayard Rustin was my boyhood hero. Now I've got to dive deep in shit to find what's left of my moral compass and my very humanity. Oh yeah (I forgot): Hail, Generalissimo Bloomberg, Mayor for Life!"
Posted by: J.D. | November 17, 2009 8:53 PM
"My favorite picture of myself as a child was taken as I perched on a picnic bench. I was aiming a toy cowboy pistol directly at my forehead, and I looked really cute, except for the suicidal toddler thing. It worried my parents, but I'm still here. And fuck it, I'm going swimming."
Posted by: Rich Lather | November 17, 2009 9:15 PM
"it's not an above-ground pool until you move me out of this shitty basement office."
Posted by: Richard H | November 17, 2009 9:19 PM
"Twelve-and-a-half somersaults with six-and-a-half twists and a degree of difficulty of 9.6.....what does it look like?"
Posted by: Rob | November 17, 2009 9:21 PM
"Look on the bright side. With all the tears of our laid-off colleagues, I created a great salt water pool."
Posted by: Richard H | November 17, 2009 9:23 PM
"Just do me a favor and fetch me a towel."
Posted by: Richard H | November 17, 2009 9:25 PM
Eventually I will stop hearing my parents, but for now it is sort of distracting and is affecting my performance.
Posted by: Abe | November 17, 2009 9:51 PM
"Eight ball in the corner pocket!"
Posted by: dwilk | November 17, 2009 10:25 PM
It's the new eco-elevator. I'm going to have a word with Smythe in Accounts Receivable on the second floor.
Posted by: boneguy_97 | November 17, 2009 10:42 PM
"I have to pee all the time."
Posted by: Rob | November 17, 2009 10:55 PM
Snag my speargun, would you Forsythe?
Posted by: boneguy_97 | November 17, 2009 11:01 PM
If I'm not back in ten minutes, call the cops.
Posted by: boneguy_97 | November 17, 2009 11:03 PM
"That's the difference between you and me, Johnson. I'm the sort of guy who puts a pool in my office so that I can get exercise during the day and look sexy for the ladies at night. I'm m——nage —— trois."
"Oh really? And what about me?"
"You open doors so that they line up perfectly with filing cabinets. You're a prostate exam."
Posted by: Damon | November 18, 2009 12:31 AM
"Yep, all paid for with taxpayer dollars. And if Bernanke doesn't like it, he can bail out my dick with his tongue!"
Posted by: Steve_O | November 18, 2009 12:56 AM
"Norman Finkelstein, you crazy compulsive-truth-telling bastard! How are you ... allowed to appear in a cartoon in The New Yorker, a magazine owned by radical Zionists?"
Posted by: J.D. | November 18, 2009 2:14 AM
"Cannonball Adderley. I think it would go...something...like this."
Posted by: dwilk | November 18, 2009 7:15 AM
"Why would you need a snorkel in a pool? And why is yours upside-down?
Posted by: David | November 18, 2009 11:52 AM
"I know last week's results must be in here somewhere. Bwaaahahaha. Total burn on Radosh."
Posted by: ZaZa | November 18, 2009 12:16 PM
"For my next trick, I will judge last week's anti-caption contest! . . . Ha ha! Just kidding! That would be insane! I'm actually just going to dive into the piranha pool."
Posted by: Joshua | November 18, 2009 1:09 PM
"You mean McCann Erickson is taking us over just as I landed the Aquabot Pool account? Nooooo!!!"
Posted by: Kathy H | November 18, 2009 4:21 PM
"Al in la, thank goodness you're here. Last week's contest needs resuscitation."
Posted by: Giles | November 18, 2009 5:32 PM
"It's not what it looks like. It's actually a swimming pool."
Posted by: Damon | November 18, 2009 5:33 PM
"If that asshole Kirby can have his desk on the roof, and Jensen can have a fucking severed head on his desk, I can have a goddam pool!"
Posted by: NJtoTX | November 18, 2009 6:21 PM
"Last one in is a rotten egg!"
[I am pretty sure that was the original caption]
Posted by: Abe | November 18, 2009 7:46 PM
———Yeah, Wilkins, but at least I won———t be paralyzed from the neck up!———
Posted by: Rob | November 18, 2009 9:40 PM
"You're right. My suit would stay drier if it was hung anywhere else in here."
Posted by: David | November 18, 2009 10:28 PM
"Don't tell anyone how my nipples look. Please!"
Posted by: David | November 18, 2009 10:37 PM
Everybody's going off the deep end! (montage to Loverboy's "Working For the Weekend")
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | November 18, 2009 11:42 PM
"Christine Quinn, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you ... still able to look yourself in the mirror after letting multibillionaire Michael Bloomberg "convince" you to thoroughly subvert democracy and betray the will of the people you claim to represent? And on another note, what's your favorite Howard Zinn quote? Mine is "There is no flag large enough to cover the shame of killing innocent people for a purpose which is unattainable.""
Posted by: J.D. | November 19, 2009 9:56 AM
Why so serious? Come join me in this vat of toxic chemicals.
Posted by: Charles | November 19, 2009 1:08 PM
"I hate you! You never support my interests! I'm glad we can't get gay married, you hear me? Glad!"
Posted by: Francis | November 19, 2009 4:40 PM
OT: Got tired of waiting so I created unofficial results for last week. Congratulations, "winners."
Posted by: Joshua | November 19, 2009 7:09 PM
I too, got tired of waiting and selected winners for last week.
I also offer comments on each winner, thoughts on Dylan's new holiday music video and a deeply probing personal note. Click my link below to see!
(Top that Josh-Baby!)
Posted by: al in la | November 19, 2009 9:33 PM
"It's an acid bath. When I emerge, I will look just like Brad Pitt, only with a mask and snorkel melted onto my face.
Posted by: Rich Lather | November 20, 2009 11:28 AM
"I'm sorry, but after I referenced Bob Dylan, my innards AND the Anti-Cap Contest in one sentence, I decided to end it all. Or, take a dip. Either way."
Posted by: Tim H | November 20, 2009 1:18 PM
Why the fuck doesn't your suit have buttons or pockets?
Posted by: Jeff G | November 20, 2009 7:27 PM
"I'll leave the glory and the colonoscopies to you, Al."
(This is going to be my anti-caption for every cartoon until the end of time.)
Posted by: Joshua | November 20, 2009 8:03 PM
The light really should be refracting differently, don't you think?
Posted by: Stupidjjjeerk | November 21, 2009 3:16 AM
"Last one in is an al in la!"
Posted by: Kathy H | November 21, 2009 3:49 PM
"And the best part- since I got the pool, I only use the Executive Washroom for #2!"
Posted by: Steve_O | November 22, 2009 10:25 AM
"Dragon-54, Cross-Power-Trap on...PICK UP THE BLITZ!! PICK UP THE BLITZ!!"
Posted by: dwilk | November 22, 2009 11:00 AM
"Polo? Polo? Polo! Pol-oh God, he's dead!
Posted by: Glenn | November 22, 2009 9:36 PM