The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #216
Harry EffronSubmit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
———Last week's results. ———Rules and tips.
Note:
It seems people are taking what I said last time a bit too seriously-- you are probably better off completely ignoring it. The anti-caption contest is almost impossible to explain, but I'll try again in the future. In the mean time, go to the above rules and tips link for some clarity. Good luck!
Comments
"Enima Play!"
Posted by: Why Not? | November 9, 2009 4:46 PM
"Now lie on you stomach and relax, Henry. I'm going to show you exactly how the anti-caption works."
Posted by: NAMBY | November 9, 2009 5:16 PM
"Yes, Higgins---you, too, have the power of the Fart Cloud within you! Now we shall begin the extraction. Then...we FLY!"
Posted by: Mike Mariano | November 9, 2009 5:24 PM
And then Glenda the Good Fairy said, "Constipated?"
Posted by: Maxwell Hammer | November 9, 2009 5:51 PM
"Oh yeah? Well, I wish you were human below the waist too."
Posted by: Joshua | November 9, 2009 5:59 PM
"I may not have all my lady parts, but we still have options."
Posted by: Richard H | November 9, 2009 7:02 PM
"I brought all the jugs I have, plus a something for me if you really get excited."
Posted by: Rob | November 9, 2009 7:17 PM
"I've unblocked your toilet and I've filled your hot water bottle. Are you sure you can't think of anything you'd like as a third wish?"
Posted by: Richard H | November 9, 2009 7:19 PM
"Good sex toys are hard to find."
Posted by: Rob | November 9, 2009 7:41 PM
"I didn't just take a shit; it's like my bowels exploded. Seriously, don't go in there."
"I am the ghost of Christmas past. The plunger and the jug are just a part of the scene I'm going to show you. Yeah, I'd look queesy if I were you too."
"Don't take me too seriously. You are probably better off just ignoring me."
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 9, 2009 8:36 PM
Oops, sorry, I thought this was Milton Berle's dream.
Posted by: LK | November 9, 2009 9:19 PM
"Whadda ya think I'm gonna do? If it helps, imagine I'm a beautiful fairy and this isn't the Georgia backwoods!"
Posted by: Steve_O | November 9, 2009 9:20 PM
"Perhaps now your tongue will loosen, Mr. Bond."
Posted by: NAMBY | November 9, 2009 10:03 PM
"Why do think we're called succubi?"
Posted by: David | November 9, 2009 10:45 PM
"But the craigslist ad said you were looking for a fairy to come over and pump your toilet."
Posted by: David | November 9, 2009 10:47 PM
"Do you always sleep on the edge of such an enormous bed?"
Posted by: David | November 9, 2009 10:51 PM
"I brought the Visine. Now let's get that soft-shell crab out of your ass."
Posted by: David | November 9, 2009 10:52 PM
Hi, _Shelden_! Your mom hired me to make this birthday extra special for you. Never mind these props, I've got a full slate tonight . . .
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | November 9, 2009 11:43 PM
"Good thing Abner Louima isn't here to see this."
Posted by: J.D. | November 10, 2009 12:08 AM
"That I am of the order hymenoptera has nothing to do with virginity, dumbass!"
Posted by: Abe | November 10, 2009 2:04 AM
please don't divorce me...at least don't leave until i get my green card...i can be useful, see! i've fixed the toilet so now you can take a poop!
Posted by: firebus | November 10, 2009 2:37 AM
"C-mon, Fred! Lick off that decapitated woman on your own time."
Posted by: dwilk | November 10, 2009 2:55 AM
"Hi! I'm from the 70th Precinct.
Posted by: Deborah | November 10, 2009 7:24 AM
Are those your feet under the blanket or are you just happy to see me, AND sporting an odd sexual deformity?
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 10, 2009 8:03 AM
"I betcha didn't know there was a butt plug fairy. Am I right, or what?"
Posted by: MAtt | November 10, 2009 9:54 AM
"Are you the one who ordered Bed Bugs BeGone——?"
Posted by: Tim H | November 10, 2009 10:17 AM
"Stop staring at my tit."
Posted by: MAtt | November 10, 2009 11:25 AM
Stop staring at my jugs.
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 10, 2009 12:17 PM
"I'm the intestinal tumor fairy, and you should be glad I got here as soon as I did. You'll want to call a doctor to help retrieve the 50 cents I'm going to leave in your colon, though."
Posted by: Francis | November 10, 2009 1:15 PM
"After Peter-Pan fucked me out, I joined Roto-Rooter. I'm just a slave to alliteration."
Posted by: Sarah | November 10, 2009 1:57 PM
"You probably shouldn't have watched the Bugaloos DVD set after you drank all this absinthe. I hope you're ready to beat Sparky to death with this plunger, because that's what's next on the agenda."
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | November 10, 2009 3:17 PM
"Whadyya mean you've never seen the movie Mother, Jugs & Speed?"
Posted by: Kathy H | November 10, 2009 5:15 PM
"I brought all the jugs I have, plus something for me if I really get excited."
Posted by: Robbed | November 10, 2009 6:23 PM
"Let me guess: You're a bit wasted. You're very horny. And, obviously, you have Attention Deficit Disorder."
Posted by: NAMBY | November 10, 2009 6:27 PM
"Oh, I'm quite cirrus. Once you cumulus all over my mammatus I'll leave you singing like an altostratus. We'll give a whole new meaning to cloud layer."
Posted by: Jyce | November 11, 2009 2:42 AM
"Are you the plumber / moonshiner who's into having sex with flies?"
"No."
"Oh." (pause) "How about now?"
Posted by: Damon | November 11, 2009 3:57 AM
———Are you Ledbetter the bedwetter? We———re under a lot of pressure here at Rhode Island Hospital to operate on the right organ...I mean the left organ...or, which one is it again?———
Posted by: dwilk | November 11, 2009 7:13 AM
"Plunger? I hardly knew her."
Posted by: J.D. | November 11, 2009 9:52 AM
"I am the magical puke and shit fairy. I have magically cleaned all the puke and shit out of your toilet so now you can puke and shit some more, due to the severe illness I have magically induced in you and your family. I am sorry your family all perished from puking and shitting too much, like the 10,000 children under the age of five in the world who died last year due to thoroughly preventable causes, mostly lack of clean drinking water."
Posted by: J.D. | November 11, 2009 12:08 PM
"My dad, Pig-Pen, met a mosquito and Glenda the Good Witch at an SLAA meeting. They all totally humped, fuck-you-very-much."
Posted by: Boris Talzhoff | November 11, 2009 12:28 PM
"I'm the tooth fairy. Believe me, this is going to hurt."
Posted by: mypalmike | November 11, 2009 1:34 PM
"Pardon me. I'm a little gassy."
Posted by: Noah Fentz | November 11, 2009 1:58 PM
"Your wish for suction is granted."
Posted by: dwilk | November 11, 2009 6:35 PM
"I'm the masturbation fairy. Somebody's been a very bad boy."
Posted by: Joshua | November 11, 2009 8:05 PM
"Cheney sent me."
Posted by: Joshua | November 11, 2009 8:30 PM
"Hi, jerk. I'm an anxiety dream. I'm here to remind you that women despise you. Also, don't forget: you have a broken toilet, a termite infestation, and a growing dependency on alcohol. Loser."
Posted by: mypalmike | November 12, 2009 4:27 AM
"The outhouses here are pristine."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | November 12, 2009 5:08 AM
"Way to get your absinthe from Aldi's, fucker!"
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | November 12, 2009 5:38 AM
"My name's Daisy Mae Sebbuchedaznazzar, the redneck nymph of dreams as foretold in the Enuma Elis. Here's some moonshine. And I brought this unicorn costume I found at your neighbor's house. Yes, I steal."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | November 12, 2009 8:08 AM
"What do you mean you've never heard of the Toilet Fairy Family Jugband? Do you live in a fucking cave? CMJ calls us the H——sker D—— of Satanic bluegrass!"
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | November 12, 2009 9:35 AM
"I'm the US foreign policy fairy. I just flew in from treating the rest of the world like shit and boy are my arms rested. Because I have wings. I'm a fairy."
Posted by: J.D. | November 12, 2009 9:49 AM
"Your wife's abortion went great! You can buy back this jug containing your unwanted son next week in Costco's collagen shampoo section."
Posted by: Reep Daggle | November 12, 2009 12:49 PM
"This is a nocturnal emissions test."
Posted by: R.K. | November 13, 2009 12:15 AM
"Excuse me? My eyes are up here."
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | November 13, 2009 1:23 AM
"I'm from the government. I'm here to help."
Posted by: NAMBY | November 13, 2009 5:23 AM
...and then I will defecate into your mouth. Take note that I didn't chew the corn kernels; I just swallowed them whole!
Posted by: fredturd | November 13, 2009 5:38 AM
"You'd better be wearing my pantyhose or none of this will work."
Posted by: fredturd | November 13, 2009 5:53 AM
@fredturd: "...and then I will defecate into your mouth. Take note that I didn't chew the corn kernels; I just swallowed them whole!" - and we call it "The Aristocrats!
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 13, 2009 11:20 AM
"OK, I unstopped the toilet, and here's the gallon of prune juice; what's your third wish?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | November 13, 2009 12:48 PM
"If you believe in fairies, clap your hands! Clap your hands and say 'I believe in fairies!' And if you don't believe in fairies, no big deal, I just sodomize you with this plunger. Easy way or hard way, dear, it makes no difference to me. Just please don't concern yourself with why I brought the gasoline. We have a long ways to go before we get to the part with the gasoline."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | November 13, 2009 7:45 PM
"You've been rubbing the magic Fleshlight again, haven't you? The 3 wishes, in this case, are MINE!"
Posted by: Glenn W | November 14, 2009 10:23 PM
"Have you ever seen The Fly?"
Posted by: NJtoTX | November 14, 2009 10:26 PM
"When I heard you say 'fuck me', I came right over."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | November 15, 2009 11:03 PM
"Yes, I'm the flu fairy."
Posted by: Dave | November 16, 2009 7:42 PM
"With one wave of a magic wand the anti-caption contest could have consistent, timely judging by ——ber-qualified personnel with obvious copious free time. Unfortunately, one becomes a non-person here if one agrees with Chomsky, Finkelstein, Judt, Alterman, etc. instead of Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Hannity, Coulter, Bush, Redstone, Newhouse, Sulzberger, Murdoch, etc., regarding the genocidal atrocities being committed against the Palestinian people with US funding and US weapons, and/or who simply commits the American Mainstream Media cardinal sin of weeping for slaughtered babies possessing what some believe to be the wrong DNA."
Posted by: J.D. | November 19, 2009 9:44 AM
I'm the anti-caption judging fairy, and I decided to judge the anti-captions my own damn self.
FIRST PLACE
"I betcha didn't know there was a butt plug fairy. Am I right, or what?"
MAtt
SECOND PLACE
"OK, I unstopped the toilet, and here's the gallon of prune juice; what's your third wish?"
stcoleridge
WORST TASTE AWARD
"Your wife's abortion went great! You can buy back this jug containing your unwanted son next week in Costco's collagen shampoo section."
Reep Daggle
INSIDE JOKE AWARD
"Don't take me too seriously. You are probably better off just ignoring me."
JohnnyB
"Good thing Abner Louima isn't here to see this."
J.D.
HONORABLE MENTION
"Are you the plumber / moonshiner who's into having sex with flies?"
"No."
"Oh." (pause) "How about now?"
Damon
"Oops, sorry, I thought this was Milton Berle's dream."
LK
"I didn't just take a shit; it's like my bowels exploded. Seriously, don't go in there."
JohnnyB
Posted by: Joshua | November 19, 2009 6:58 PM
I concur. Harry, stop killing innocent people for ten minutes and judge this contest.
J.D.: Take some solace in the fact that your views would not be considered so extreme when compared to the hippies that produce this obscure leftist cable-access program.
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | November 19, 2009 7:40 PM
Ah, Jon Stewart's famous "the Israeli/Palestinian conflict is a complex issue" video that I referenced here a couple of weeks ago. So, where is the pithy illumination of the supposed "complexity?" Blowing up babies and their mothers in their walled ghettos is not complex. It is genocide.
Posted by: J.D. | November 20, 2009 3:46 AM
ta-da:
" ... Being awake and uninterested in pleasing editors, I can't help but agree with Judt, Alterman, Chomsky et al. that US/Israel policy toward the Palestinians is not just "complicated" as mainstream TV's Jon Stewart so so so bravely allowed once, but nothing short of apartheid and genocide, beyond atrocity. Less than a year ago 1400 innocents were deliberately exterminated in their walled ghetto.
It is assumed the usual kneejerk catcalls of "self-loathing Jew" and/or "Nazi" will ensue toward the ones who can't forget we all continue to subsidize blowing off the limbs of babies. I know ... buzz kill.
Posted by: J.D. | October 23, 2009 12:32 PM"
Posted by: J.D. | November 20, 2009 4:33 AM
and this:
" ... Sure, highly-paid producers, writers and performers think they are acting independently, but do any drawing a paycheck from a Redstone or Newhouse company, or a Murdoch company, etc., really think they can criticize Israel beyond Jon Stewart's "gosh it's complicated" when refering to US funding of Israel's blowing the limbs off Palestinian babies in its ongoing apartheid/genocide? ... "
Posted by: J.D. | November 10, 2009 3:03 PM"
Posted by: J.D. | November 20, 2009 4:38 AM
On a related note: this AP Headline appeared yesterday: "Muslim countries seek blasphemy ban," accompanying an article about the US government trying to head off a brewing UN resolution that would do for Islam what the American Israel Public Affairs Committee has been doing for Zionism for decades: silence criticism, quash inquiry, demonize truth-telling.
Posted by: J.D. | November 20, 2009 5:36 AM
Why do you love Muslim censorship?
Posted by: R.K. | November 20, 2009 2:55 PM
The same reason you love inane non sequiturs I suppose.
Posted by: J.D. | November 22, 2009 7:21 AM