Anti-Caption Contest #213
al in la
FIRST PLACE
"So, it's okay to fuck your neighbor's husband?"--dwilk
SEOND PLACE
"Are you sure these are the Lord's commandments and not yours? Because, can't imagine "Wives, keepeth parted thy buttocks for thine husbands' Sabbath anal' sounds a lot more prince of Egypt than Yahweh."-- David
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Hey Chisel-gripper, anything in their about tending to your wife's burning bush?"-- Rich Lather
"You rendered me flat and asymmetrical. Start again."--Deborah
"Christ, how long does it take to chisel 'al in la'?!"--Tim H
FIRST PLACE
"So, it's okay to fuck your neighbor's husband?"--dwilk
SEOND PLACE
"Are you sure these are the Lord's commandments and not yours? Because, can't imagine "Wives, keepeth parted thy buttocks for thine husbands' Sabbath anal' sounds a lot more prince of Egypt than Yahweh."-- David
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Hey Chisel-gripper, anything in their about tending to your wife's burning bush?"-- Rich Lather
"You rendered me flat and asymmetrical. Start again."--Deborah
"Christ, how long does it take to chisel 'al in la'?!"--Tim H
Comments
"Please Al. You've been working on that post for hours! It's time for bed!"
(To see the post I'm referring to AND the winners of last week's anti-cap contest click the link)
Posted by: al in la's wife | October 19, 2009 4:29 AM
That's the only rock hard thing I've seen in your lap for 40 years.
Posted by: JohnnyB | October 19, 2009 7:54 AM
You spelled "honour" wrong.
Posted by: JohnnyB | October 19, 2009 7:54 AM
Why bother writing down your dreams anyway? They never make sense in the morning.
Posted by: Monsieur Aubergine | October 19, 2009 8:11 AM
"Are you sure these are the Lord's commandments and not yours? Because, can't imagine "Wives, keepeth parted thy buttocks for thine husbands' Sabbath anal' sounds a lot more prince of Egypt than Yahweh.
Posted by: David | October 19, 2009 8:53 AM
"Are you sure these are the Lord's commandments and not yours? Because,'Wives, keepeth parted thy buttocks for thine husbands' Sabbath anal' sounds a lot more prince of Egypt than Yahweh.
Posted by: David | October 19, 2009 8:55 AM
"So, it's okay to fuck your neighbor's husband?"
Posted by: dwilk | October 19, 2009 9:07 AM
"Hurry up with that entry! You how strict mypalmike is about his deadlines!"
Posted by: Tim H | October 19, 2009 9:23 AM
"Please don't do that in bed."
Posted by: Deborah | October 19, 2009 12:29 PM
"Answer me this, genius: Since we already have electricity, why don't you just use the electric stone router in the garage?"
Posted by: Kathy H | October 19, 2009 1:08 PM
"You know, doing the crossword puzzle in pen is good enough for most show-offs."
Posted by: Jesse | October 19, 2009 1:25 PM
"And I also want you to stop looking so covetously at our neighbor's wife."
Posted by: Richard H | October 19, 2009 1:36 PM
"Can you put something on the list about bed crumbs?"
Posted by: Richard H | October 19, 2009 1:37 PM
"Again with the Moses/Aaron slash?"
Posted by: Francis Heaney | October 19, 2009 1:50 PM
"Hey Chisel-gripper, anything in their about tending to your wife's burning bush?"
Posted by: Rich Lather | October 19, 2009 3:25 PM
"Hey Chisel-gripper, anything in there about tending to your wife's burning bush?"
Posted by: Rich Lather | October 19, 2009 3:26 PM
"Bedside Writer" Why are you adding that? You're gonna be sorry you included that! That's not funny. Why 10 why not 7?
Posted by: Just Me | October 19, 2009 3:34 PM
"The problem, Moses, is that you are limited to using the writing tools available in this particular time period. People in the future are likely to develop more advanced means of writing that we can't even imagine. Like, imagine a tablet as thin as human hair, and a chisel that carves a line by merely touching the tablet. I know it seems impossible, but they said that about the wheel, didn't they? Point is, this hoax you are trying to perpetrate may be believed by the non-scientific minds of today. But in the future, the fact that you used then-ancient tools will be seen as evidence that these tablets were made by the hands of man, not by some all-powerful being. Well, whatever. When you're done, would you switch off the light?"
Posted by: mypalmike | October 19, 2009 3:35 PM
No matter how much you hammer, those lungs aren't going back in.
Posted by: npm | October 19, 2009 4:06 PM
Would you mind not carving my tombstone until we see if the chemo works?
Posted by: Walt | October 19, 2009 4:09 PM
For Christ's sake, couldn't you use the Itty Bitty Booklight I gave you?
Posted by: Jim/The Velvet Blog | October 19, 2009 4:27 PM
"Who do you think you are, David fucking Letterman?"
Posted by: dwilk | October 19, 2009 4:39 PM
"Christ, how long does it take to chisel 'al in la' ?!"
Posted by: Tim H | October 19, 2009 6:09 PM
(NOTE: My apologies. The link included in the first entry does not work. To see last week's winners and my post about guest blogging the return of the Anti-Cap Contest to Radosh.net, click here.)
Posted by: al in la | October 19, 2009 6:15 PM
"I think it was better without the 'For Dummies' part."
Posted by: Damon | October 19, 2009 7:05 PM
"You rendered me fat and asymmetrical. Start again."
Posted by: Deborah | October 19, 2009 11:19 PM
"Miriam said the girls were jealous of me for the way they hear you pounding away in hear at night. If only they knew..."
Posted by: David | October 19, 2009 11:20 PM
"You're getting stone chips all over the bed. Dick."
Posted by: David | October 19, 2009 11:21 PM
(I meant to type "flat" and asymmetrical.)
Posted by: Deborah | October 19, 2009 11:29 PM
Dude. It's been forty fucking days. Just post the damned thing already before you lose your entire readership to goldencalf.net or something.
Posted by: Anonymous | October 20, 2009 6:36 AM
Dude. It's been forty fucking days. Just post the damned thing already before you lose your entire readership to goldencalf.net or something.
Posted by: Hennie | October 20, 2009 6:45 AM
Why can't you just cut letters out of magazines like all the other kidnappers.
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | October 20, 2009 1:08 PM
Yeah, well, some day they'll invent a better way to write and you won't be limited to only 140 characters.
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | October 20, 2009 1:09 PM
"Look. Any right-thinking person impaled by a couple of stone tablets would have a real doctor look at it. But, nooooooo..., you have to be Mister Big Shot and do it all yourself!"
Posted by: Kathy H | October 20, 2009 1:22 PM
"Wait - I thought you were carving the word of God. Those look like images of the whores you slept with before you met me instead."
"It's my own project. I call it 'MySpace'."
"That's not a very discreet title."
"Okay - how about 'Facebook'?"
"That's even worse."
"I see your point. Hmm..."
And, later that night, Moses established LinkedIn.
Posted by: Damon | October 20, 2009 1:50 PM
"Wait - I thought you were carving the word of God. Those look like images of the whores you slept with before you met me instead."
"It's my own project. I call it 'MySpace'."
"That's not a very discreet title."
"Okay - how about 'Facebook'?"
"That's even worse."
"I see your point. Hmm..."
And, later that night, Moses established LinkedIn.
Posted by: Damon | October 20, 2009 1:51 PM
"I think I've been pretty tolerant of your hobby, but if you say 'I love to chisel Fo Shizzle' one more time I will cut your nuts off."
Posted by: Jesse | October 20, 2009 4:10 PM
"Just write, 'Do not unto your neighbor what you would not have him do unto you'. That is all you need. The rest of the crap is just commentary."
Posted by: JohnnyB | October 20, 2009 4:15 PM
"It's funny, but the videos take for-fucking-ever to load on that thing."
Posted by: JohnnyB | October 20, 2009 4:16 PM
"I think I've been pretty tolerant of your hobby, but if you say 'I'm da man with the chisel; fo' shizzle my nizzle' one more time I'm going to chop your nuts off."
Posted by: Jesse | October 20, 2009 4:20 PM
"What do you mean 'It's funny 'cause it's true' ?"
Posted by: Tim H | October 20, 2009 6:02 PM
"Dressing up like Moses and carrying on like that every night is not going to convince me that you're Jewish and that's why you won't fuck me anymore. Admit it, nigga, you gay."
Posted by: J.D. | October 20, 2009 6:39 PM
"OK, so I murdered, stole, committed adultery and blasphemed, then went to work on a Sunday. There's no need to go all Old Testament on me."
Posted by: Richard H | October 20, 2009 9:53 PM
"It's actually quite dangerous to be doing that without safety goggles, gloves and a mask. Plus it's giving me a headache, so, whether it's a sin or not, I'm no longer in the mood to commit adultery with you. By the way, I'm still married to your neighbor, you stinking hypocrite. I so wish you weren't my Congressman. And don't think for one minute you're going to get away with putting that sign on state property. I'm going now. I want to be home in time for The Mentalist... Yeah I have a DVR. But don't you dare try to infer that I'm the one who's old fashioned."
Posted by: Richard H | October 20, 2009 10:05 PM
"Quaint Middle Eastern fairytales are sooooo five minutes ago, even more five minutes ago than, say, Noam Chomsky."
Posted by: J.D. | October 21, 2009 10:10 AM
'Dear Diary: She is even uglier when she sleeps.'
'Commandment XI: Bang thyself a younger, hotter woman than that which thine shareth thy bed, for this pleaseth the Lord, and giveth him a good memory to storeth in his holy Spank Bank.'
Posted by: MAtt | October 21, 2009 10:13 AM
"Why are you fabricating for yourself a woman's buttocks replete with vagina? You're gay."
Posted by: J.D. | October 21, 2009 10:17 AM
"And your costume makes no sense. I mean everybody knows that Moses was really Tutmosis II, and that most of the Old Testament is really a veiled history of an exiled Egyptian dynasty."
Posted by: J.D. | October 21, 2009 11:13 AM
"How long can it take to chisel Dear Penthouse Forum...?"
Posted by: Kathy H | October 21, 2009 11:55 AM
"How long can it take to chisel Dear Penthouse Forum...?"
Posted by: Kathy H | October 21, 2009 11:55 AM
And onanism. Don't forget onanism.
Posted by: v | October 21, 2009 12:04 PM
"Honey? If there IS a God, why would he let his Angels be humiliated by the fucking Yankees?"
Posted by: NAMBY | October 21, 2009 2:48 PM
"I dunno. It seems like a lot of work for a No Menus sign."
Posted by: Tim H | October 21, 2009 5:02 PM
"I dunno. It seems like a lot of work for a No Menus sign."
Posted by: Tim H | October 21, 2009 5:03 PM
"Hey fans, tune in next week when Dan Haggerty finishes and then fucks his fake bear ass. Fuck you, Grizzly Adams, fuck you!"
Posted by: Boris Talzhoff | October 21, 2009 8:09 PM
"Hey fans, tune in next week when Dan Haggerty finishes and then fucks his fake bear ass. Fuck you, Grizzly Adams, fuck you!"
Posted by: Boris Talzhoff | October 21, 2009 8:10 PM
"Hey fans, tune in next week when Dan Haggerty finishes and then fucks his fake bear ass. Fuck you, Grizzly Adams, fuck you!"
Posted by: Boris Talzhoff | October 21, 2009 8:11 PM
"Hey fans, tune in next week when Dan Haggerty finishes and then humps his fake bear ass. Fuck you, Grizzly Adams, fuck you!"
Posted by: Boris Talzhoff | October 21, 2009 8:12 PM
"So my templates aren't as big as those, huh?"
Posted by: Rob | October 21, 2009 8:52 PM
"So my templates aren't as big as those, huh?"
Posted by: Rob | October 21, 2009 8:53 PM
"So my templates aren't as big as those, huh?"
Posted by: Rob | October 21, 2009 8:53 PM
"If you didn't keep making unnecessary copies, you'd have finished by now."
Posted by: Walt | October 22, 2009 12:15 AM
"Ah, now I know why they said you were a chip off the old block."
Posted by: Kathy H | October 22, 2009 9:42 AM
"I don't know why you're bothering with this. Being omniscient, you know Moses is just going to smash them."
Posted by: David | October 22, 2009 10:21 AM
"I don't know why you're bothering with this. Being omniscient, you know Moses is just going to smash them."
Posted by: David | October 22, 2009 10:22 AM
"My acromegaly is acting up. Mind chiseling a little off my frighteningly enlarged chin?"
Posted by: J.D. | October 22, 2009 10:47 AM
Eleven? No, that's ridiculous. It's not even funny.
Posted by: Vlad | October 22, 2009 2:09 PM
"Honey, there it is again! Did you hear that? I keep hearing a tapping sound. I'm scared. Will you go check it out again? It's definitely coming from in the house."
Posted by: Rich Lather | October 22, 2009 2:25 PM
"Dad, can I go back to my own bed now?"
Posted by: mypalmike | October 22, 2009 2:38 PM
"Looks like your Immovable Type upgrade isn't going too smoothly."
Posted by: mypalmike | October 22, 2009 2:41 PM
"'Thou shalt not criticize the way thine spouse washes the dishes; thou shalt be glad he did them at all even though he also cooked dinner tonight'? That is some seriously passive-agressive bullshit, hon."
Posted by: Dave | October 22, 2009 5:08 PM
———Not the kind of stones I was referring to.———
Posted by: Rob | October 22, 2009 7:02 PM
"What asshole greenlit 'Evan Almighty III'? And why did I agree to be in it?"
Posted by: R.K. | October 23, 2009 8:34 AM
Two all-beef patties??
Posted by: Hal Jay Greene | October 23, 2009 11:07 AM
"Who in their right mind sends out United Nations Day cards?"
Posted by: Tim H | October 23, 2009 12:59 PM
"I stand by you all the way, honey. Hebrew lessons, Kaballah, advocating Muslim genocide, mutilating your dick, whatever the fuck. I support whatever coo-coo shit you think you need to do to get hired by Rupert Murdoch, Sumner Redstone, Bob Igor, Si Newhouse, Arthur Sulzberger, Sam Zell, Harry Sloan, Jeff Zucker, Mort Zuckerman, Edgar Bronfman, Jonathan Klein ..."
Posted by: J.D. | October 24, 2009 8:43 AM
"The doctor said TAKE two tablets and call me in the morning, not MAKE two tablets, you moron!"
Posted by: Dave | October 24, 2009 12:15 PM
"Moses, what an alabaster!"
Posted by: RichM | October 24, 2009 6:32 PM
"...and make it a sin to throw on 3rd and 5 when you're up by 6 with under 2 minutes left."
Posted by: NAMBY | October 25, 2009 6:07 PM
Dammit Mo, are you wearing my pantyhose again?
Posted by: fredturd | October 25, 2009 11:10 PM