I'm not afraid of your tiny leather chicks with whips, or your legions of slutty army wenches, or the gay bears in speedos, or the decrepit ancient mummies who are into rope bondage, or...
[whispering]
"Look, I'm aware there is no way our tiny ropes and miniature steaks can hold you down, but if you just go with it a little longer you can get up and stomp as many people as you want and I'll just tell the king it was an accident."
"Yeah... we Lilliputians don't get many visitors... but when we do we make it a visit to remember."
"Oh, maybe I DID type the memo wrong. I thought you were an ogre but I must have typed the word 'orgy'. That would explain everyone else's costume."
"So the governor says, "Why can't we Lilliputians have a little fun when we capture the next giant. I guess we are a little perverted, but boy, we are going to have some fun."
Say hello to my leetle friend, and my leetle neighbors, and my leetle family members, and some leetle folks I went to high school with, and, well, you get the idea.
Say hello to my leetle friend, and my leetle neighbors, and my leetle family members, and some leetle folks I went to high school with, and, well, you get the idea.
Didn't you hear? Flynt Enterprises took over The New Yorker. Malcolm Gladwell has a piece on ethnic disparities in the bikini wax industry and Susan Orlean has an article about asexual cats.
"Laying there, I imagined how easily I could snap the threads that bound me to the earth and toss the minuscule deviants to their doom. And yet, when I saw her tiny but strangely ample bosom heaving before me, I found to my surprise that I didn't want to."
"It is quite apparent that we were drawn by someone to whom the S&M community is naught but a bunch of laughable stereotypes culled from other shallow, secondary sources, and presented to elicit nothing more than some adolescent snickering. If he had sufficient curiosity to explore the subject, he might find we are for the most part a diverse group of closely-knit, adventurous, generous and genuine people. As is so often the case with such jealous onlookers, he would rather sit on the sidelines and mock those of us who think life is actually for living rather than get up off his pimply fat ass and experience an authentic life himself -- something we used to demand of our artists and writers. The problem is then that such cowardice leads to ignorance and delusion, and the kind of provincial smugness based in shame and fear which now passes for sophistication in Generalissimo Bloomberg's New York City."
"Wow, you really must have tied one on last night. Everybody's coming to help. Dont worry, we'll have you up in no time; We're working as fast as we can."
"Heh, at first it was just one giant high-heel at the end of the block, but now my neighbors see what it leads to... although why I'm telling you this I have no idea."
"I have anticipated your attempt to stage my murder as a suicide, à la Henry H. Klein, Frank Olson, and Albert Bogard, or an accidental suicide à la Dorothy Kilgallen and Marilyn Monroe, by ensuring everyone well knows my personal philosophy of positive thinking and avoidance of drugs and alcohol. Granted, instead you will concoct a "car accident" or "accidental police shooting" scenario to silence me; at least I will go out with the knowledge that I made you work for your blood money, you miniature lapdogs, you tiny dancing monkeys, you pathetic puny errand boys for grocery clerks."
"I remember once listening to some charming mess, an important player in the terminally unhip world of the New York theater, expound with that kind of ironclad conviction only a mostly clueless leader of completely clueless followers can produce. 'Sado-Masochism is wrong!' he boomed. 'Those people need to keep pushing the limits further and further every time, until they risk their lives! It's never enough for them.' He was like many in his milieu and generation, married with children while flirting with cute boys, mostly at the prestigious summer theater he retreated to between his many lucrative dramatic-comic film cameos. All in all, adorable. I'd have happily tied him up in a sling and teased his asshole with a buttplug until he begged me to rip him in half with a monster strap-on."
New Yorker Anti-Caption Contestants finally had enough of waiting for their submissions to be reviewed. Among them was DeMarcus Ware of the Dallas Cowboys, several members of the Pussycat Dolls and Captain Kangaroo in a pair of boxers adorned with cherry hearts and candy canes for all the children.
"We may seem unnaturally tiny, but in fact, this is just the second stage of Devolution. The first stage is that if a problem comes along, you must whip it."
"Fleischer Studios invented the Rotoscoping process, basically tracing live action film frame by frame to get a realistic animation effect, and used it to create the title character in their 1939 classic film 'Gulliver's Travels.' The result is magical. On the other hand, when an artist resorts to tracing one element in a single-panel cartoon it looks tacky and out-of-place, with realistic detail and perspective side-by-side with crude or stylized sketching. To this observer the practice highlights a general lack of technical training or just plain laziness."
- Only recently discovered and authenticated, an early sketch for GULLIVER'S GAMBOLS, an ambitious Cecilia 'B' De Vile product never actually transferred to the silver screen for lack of sufficient venture capital during the depression years of the thirties. -
[Parents are encouraged to boycott merchants upon whose shelves 'puzzle pieces' of the above ilk have recently come to be offered to the view and actual purchase of immature audiences.]
"Okay. 'City on a hill', I'll concede. But show me where it says, like, 'shining city on a hill' ! You have to be, like, some 'star' -(what the !)- lying hypocrite Whitehall 'politico' -(what the !) - to come up with any shining 'baloney' - (what the !)... You know, to maybe help set yourself up in a 'White House' -(what the !)...'Tongues', likely. ....I get that."
"Useful guys. Really fucking useful. This floss is really going to hold me down good, especially when it's nailed into the ground with tent pegs. And why the fuck are you guys so small and why are your girls so skanky and who the fuck is that guy dressed like a gay-biker?"
I myself have been a frequent contributor to this contest and feel obliged to thank Daniel Radosh for his work over the years on its behalf, even though I guess I never had much chance of winning the thing.
Like 'Anonymous,' I, too, suffer with the fact that I will never have a chance of winning "this thing."
All I can say is, "Damn you, great-great-great-great grandfather Orville Q. Anonymous, for emigrating from your homeland and settling down in a place which, even now, has not fully opened its precious doors to all. Or something."
"52.56 N - 66.52 W ? What, Labrador ?! No, this Libido, fellow, L-I-B-I-D-O ! Hey, whaddya know, 'girls' ?! 'Colum...', er, 'Colossus' here thought he was in Labrador -- 52.56 N -66.52 W ! ... Talk about deaf !"
"You freaks wash up on the beach - yes, beach ! - seems like every August, don't you ? Well, this year we gonna fix your butt good, freak, 'stead of burying you to the chin for the crabs - like them, what, five or six freaks we fixed last summer, hunh, gals ?! 'Fixed' is right ! .....And by crabs, he! he!, I'm not talking exact crabs some you gals picked up wherever, ha! ha!.... No ! Not exact crabs at all, ha! ha !"
Comments
"I don't know; I guess it's an Eliot Spitzer satire? Now lie back; your semen will water our crops."
Posted by: Mike Mariano | August 3, 2009 1:06 PM
"This will hurt me more than it will …er, well, no, actually it will hurt you more."
Posted by: Tim H | August 3, 2009 1:12 PM
"Answer me this: Why did you come to Juneau?"
Posted by: Kathy H | August 3, 2009 1:13 PM
"Not so swift now, eh, Gulliver?"
Posted by: Tim H | August 3, 2009 1:15 PM
"So, how did you come by that name, Evrolet Boy?"
Posted by: Kathy H | August 3, 2009 1:19 PM
You think this is odd, the Houyhnhnms are a bunch of furries. Of course, you'll never know since you won't survive the ass-raping in Brobdingnag.
Posted by: therblig | August 3, 2009 1:21 PM
I'm not afraid of your tiny leather chicks with whips, or your legions of slutty army wenches, or the gay bears in speedos, or the decrepit ancient mummies who are into rope bondage, or...
Wait. Is that a frat boy with a beer helmet?
Oh, fuck!
Posted by: Drew | August 3, 2009 1:27 PM
Fusilliput, you crazy bastard!
Posted by: The Confidence Man | August 3, 2009 1:30 PM
"I crawled down your pants earlier and took a look around. Don't wanna hurt your feelings, but fucking me is an option."
Posted by: Damon | August 3, 2009 1:30 PM
Because I'm Lilly and you're staying put.
Posted by: therblig | August 3, 2009 1:37 PM
Before we continue, you owe us $37,842. Pervert.
Posted by: Drew | August 3, 2009 1:42 PM
"Comfortable?"
Posted by: MAtt | August 3, 2009 2:02 PM
[whispering]
"Look, I'm aware there is no way our tiny ropes and miniature steaks can hold you down, but if you just go with it a little longer you can get up and stomp as many people as you want and I'll just tell the king it was an accident."
Posted by: MAtt | August 3, 2009 2:05 PM
"Oh, Silly, don't be scared. It's waxed with a hint of cinnamon. I simply cannot emphasize enough the importance of flossing."
Posted by: Clyde | August 3, 2009 2:05 PM
"Ease up on the crotch ropes, you two! If he sprouts wood we're all done for!"
"The next hair I pull out won't be from your head, pretty boy."
Posted by: MAtt | August 3, 2009 2:14 PM
"You're into humiliation, eh? Big surprise. I still can't believe the WNBA makes you New England players wear this shit during the game."
Posted by: Damon | August 3, 2009 2:35 PM
You are badly injured. We've attempted to immobilize you. Try to relax until the ambulance arrives.
Posted by: JohnnyB | August 3, 2009 2:42 PM
No? How about if I whip you here? Can you feel that?
Posted by: JohnnyB | August 3, 2009 2:44 PM
Welcome to the event we call "Burning Man".
Posted by: JohnnyB | August 3, 2009 2:48 PM
Don't judge US, Mr. I-have-buckles-on-my-shoes.
Posted by: therblig | August 3, 2009 2:59 PM
"Okay, Gulliver... The safe word is 'rice cake'."
"Yeah... we Lilliputians don't get many visitors... but when we do we make it a visit to remember."
"Oh, maybe I DID type the memo wrong. I thought you were an ogre but I must have typed the word 'orgy'. That would explain everyone else's costume."
"So the governor says, "Why can't we Lilliputians have a little fun when we capture the next giant. I guess we are a little perverted, but boy, we are going to have some fun."
Posted by: Johnny V | August 3, 2009 3:03 PM
"Don't try to deny it. We know just who you are Señor Almodóvar."
Posted by: Tim H | August 3, 2009 3:35 PM
Say hello to my leetle friend, and my leetle neighbors, and my leetle family members, and some leetle folks I went to high school with, and, well, you get the idea.
Posted by: therblig | August 3, 2009 3:45 PM
Say hello to my leetle friend, and my leetle neighbors, and my leetle family members, and some leetle folks I went to high school with, and, well, you get the idea.
Posted by: therblig | August 3, 2009 3:46 PM
Didn't you hear? Flynt Enterprises took over The New Yorker. Malcolm Gladwell has a piece on ethnic disparities in the bikini wax industry and Susan Orlean has an article about asexual cats.
Posted by: LK | August 3, 2009 3:48 PM
"Okay, ladies, time to see if this guy's gigantic penis will fit into any of our vaginas!"
[Side note: this is the first ACC picture in a very long time that has made me laugh on its own. It doesn't really need a caption.]
Posted by: Rubrick | August 3, 2009 4:00 PM
"Welcome to Dateline NBC, sucka!"
Posted by: Richard H | August 3, 2009 4:02 PM
"The whores here are obscene."
"Welcome to our village. We are the Village People!"
"Hey buddy... My face is up here!"
Posted by: Johnny V | August 3, 2009 4:30 PM
"Not laughing, eh? I guess we'll have to *prove* that male rape jokes are funny."
Posted by: Christian | August 3, 2009 5:28 PM
Nice ponytail, fag.
Posted by: Analvision | August 3, 2009 5:38 PM
"You're in a pissy mood. What crawled up your ass? Was it Jennifer?"
Posted by: Damon | August 3, 2009 5:47 PM
...i swear the Madonna Sticky & Sweet tour was off the hook.
Posted by: Edwards | August 3, 2009 5:53 PM
"You giants are all closet submissives."
Posted by: Lawrence Wood | August 3, 2009 5:58 PM
"You typed in 'S&M' and `8-inch members'. Stop blaming Google."
Posted by: Damon | August 3, 2009 6:07 PM
"My name is Pussy Galore."
Posted by: Rob | August 3, 2009 7:56 PM
"Will that be Visa or Mastercard?"
Posted by: Dave | August 3, 2009 7:58 PM
"Could you tighten the ropes over my crotch, please?"
Posted by: Dave | August 3, 2009 8:00 PM
"Okay, everyone! Let's make this the best Macy's Fetish Day Parade ever!"
Posted by: Francis | August 3, 2009 8:20 PM
"Christ, what an ENORMOUS asshole."
"I am haunted by the gigantic faces of my victims."
Posted by: JohnnyB | August 3, 2009 8:55 PM
I brought a shitload of midgets. Do you mind?
Posted by: therblig | August 3, 2009 9:48 PM
"So you've settled the large end/small end question, then?"
Posted by: David | August 3, 2009 10:00 PM
"Maybe Jack Chick's Illustrated Classics weren't such a good idea after all."
Posted by: David | August 3, 2009 10:03 PM
"Laying there, I imagined how easily I could snap the threads that bound me to the earth and toss the minuscule deviants to their doom. And yet, when I saw her tiny but strangely ample bosom heaving before me, I found to my surprise that I didn't want to."
Posted by: David | August 3, 2009 10:11 PM
"It is quite apparent that we were drawn by someone to whom the S&M community is naught but a bunch of laughable stereotypes culled from other shallow, secondary sources, and presented to elicit nothing more than some adolescent snickering. If he had sufficient curiosity to explore the subject, he might find we are for the most part a diverse group of closely-knit, adventurous, generous and genuine people. As is so often the case with such jealous onlookers, he would rather sit on the sidelines and mock those of us who think life is actually for living rather than get up off his pimply fat ass and experience an authentic life himself -- something we used to demand of our artists and writers. The problem is then that such cowardice leads to ignorance and delusion, and the kind of provincial smugness based in shame and fear which now passes for sophistication in Generalissimo Bloomberg's New York City."
Posted by: J.D. | August 3, 2009 10:31 PM
Oh shit. "Closely-knit" was supposed to get deleted in the above caption. Fuck me.
Posted by: J.D. | August 3, 2009 10:33 PM
"You amateurs - my asshole is on the other side. I want my tiny money back. Unless you wanna just shove a couple more mummies up there, on the house."
Posted by: Josh J | August 3, 2009 11:24 PM
"Hey, who lives in that big castle?"
Posted by: Josh J | August 3, 2009 11:38 PM
"Wow, you really must have tied one on last night. Everybody's coming to help. Dont worry, we'll have you up in no time; We're working as fast as we can."
Posted by: J.D. III | August 4, 2009 1:04 AM
"And for an extra $100, one of us will crawl up your ass and whip your prostate."
Posted by: Steve_O | August 4, 2009 1:41 AM
"Are you sure you can remember all 400 safe words?"
Posted by: Steve_O | August 4, 2009 3:38 AM
"You have to go to the WHAT?"
Posted by: Rob | August 4, 2009 4:51 AM
"To be honest, even I'm not sure why the mummies are here."
Posted by: Mork | August 4, 2009 9:44 AM
"Heh, at first it was just one giant high-heel at the end of the block, but now my neighbors see what it leads to... although why I'm telling you this I have no idea."
Posted by: Vance | August 4, 2009 10:27 AM
"The haras here are obsce..... What ? HARRASSES ? .....Okay, never mind !"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 4, 2009 10:48 AM
"You're approach to the castle is delayed. Please observe the holding pattern: Over, under, over, under."
Posted by: Brian L | August 4, 2009 11:15 AM
I don't like you because you're a giant.
Posted by: Joe Boginski | August 4, 2009 12:01 PM
"For the last time, we prefer to be called LITTLE PEOPLE."
"We assumed you were from the neighboring island, and wanted to make you feel welcome with an act of Houyhnhnm-eroticism."
"You're not weaseling your way out of this. I don't believe for a minute you misheard us. We clearly ordered you to eat us OUT."
"And now, slave, go piss on the castle. That's right, you heard me."
Posted by: Trout Almondine | August 4, 2009 12:59 PM
"What ? Why, of all the ... ! Fat chance of that ! No, you were distinctly told it was the Imax people scheduled ! I-M-A-X ! Imax people !"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 4, 2009 1:44 PM
"And don't be tying off no goddamned slu. ....er, slip knots, neither, you hear ?!"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 4, 2009 2:12 PM
"Steamboat"? Already? You know you aren't getting a refund, right?
Posted by: Charles | August 4, 2009 3:19 PM
You forgot the honorable mentions!
Posted by: JohnnyB | August 4, 2009 3:31 PM
"Sorry about the mixup. We assumed you were a masochist because you flew in on JetBlue."
Posted by: Richard H | August 4, 2009 3:37 PM
- The H-O-R-R-O-R-S, horrors, here are unseen. Repeat : unseen ! -
Posted by: L. Flynt | August 4, 2009 3:39 PM
Jesus Christ, what an asshole!
Posted by: Johnny Ancich | August 4, 2009 3:57 PM
"It's too heavy. We'll never be able to drag this statue of our vanquished pimp through the streets in symbolic disgust."
Posted by: David John | August 4, 2009 4:04 PM
Hey there big guy.
I have an immodest proposal. Um, just wait, that was a different one, wasn't it?
Posted by: v | August 4, 2009 4:19 PM
"This 'll show the Frenchie ! Nobody calls us L'il Putains ! Nobody ! How you like that ?! ...Fricking 'frogs' !"
Posted by: Sam L. | August 4, 2009 4:54 PM
Just lie back and think of England...
Posted by: karen from mentor | August 4, 2009 8:28 PM
Oh bondage, up yours!
Posted by: Poly Styrene | August 4, 2009 9:42 PM
"Is that a Brobdingnagian in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
Posted by: Rob | August 4, 2009 10:08 PM
"If you insist on wearing breeches and a ponytail, you're going to have to expect a little S & M."
Posted by: Dave | August 4, 2009 10:14 PM
"We're sorry, Mario, but your princess is in another castle. Also, maybe you shouldn't have eaten those mushrooms."
Posted by: Francis | August 4, 2009 10:52 PM
"I have anticipated your attempt to stage my murder as a suicide, à la Henry H. Klein, Frank Olson, and Albert Bogard, or an accidental suicide à la Dorothy Kilgallen and Marilyn Monroe, by ensuring everyone well knows my personal philosophy of positive thinking and avoidance of drugs and alcohol. Granted, instead you will concoct a "car accident" or "accidental police shooting" scenario to silence me; at least I will go out with the knowledge that I made you work for your blood money, you miniature lapdogs, you tiny dancing monkeys, you pathetic puny errand boys for grocery clerks."
Posted by: J.D. | August 5, 2009 12:27 AM
"Jerrold over there is explaining the rules of cricket. Now I suggest you pay attention. Got it?"
Posted by: mypalmike | August 5, 2009 1:49 AM
"I'm only going to say this once, so listen up...the safe word is 'Houyhnhnm.'"
Posted by: Trout Almondine | August 5, 2009 8:55 AM
Johnny V--"Hey buddy... My face is up here!" would be a great submission to the actual contest.
Posted by: Trout Almondine | August 5, 2009 8:56 AM
"I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you've been suspended...STEROIDS!"
Posted by: Kathy H | August 5, 2009 9:52 AM
"No, we said prophylaxis, not prophylactic. So look in the mirror, open wide and we'll floss your rocks off."
Posted by: LV | August 5, 2009 12:18 PM
"I'm not sure what it means, but Bill Clinton is on his way."
Posted by: Tim H | August 5, 2009 1:17 PM
"Too big to fail, Mr Citibank? We'll show you too-big-to-fucking fail!"
Posted by: Richard H | August 5, 2009 3:30 PM
I will whip your eyeballs.
Posted by: Chris | August 5, 2009 4:45 PM
"I remember once listening to some charming mess, an important player in the terminally unhip world of the New York theater, expound with that kind of ironclad conviction only a mostly clueless leader of completely clueless followers can produce. 'Sado-Masochism is wrong!' he boomed. 'Those people need to keep pushing the limits further and further every time, until they risk their lives! It's never enough for them.' He was like many in his milieu and generation, married with children while flirting with cute boys, mostly at the prestigious summer theater he retreated to between his many lucrative dramatic-comic film cameos. All in all, adorable. I'd have happily tied him up in a sling and teased his asshole with a buttplug until he begged me to rip him in half with a monster strap-on."
Posted by: J.D. | August 5, 2009 5:05 PM
The reason there aren't balloon floats in Gay Pride parades.
Posted by: Adam | August 5, 2009 5:17 PM
Exactly the reason I always thought there should be.
Posted by: J.D. | August 5, 2009 5:25 PM
"Got yah."
Posted by: Brian L | August 5, 2009 8:53 PM
"Sorry - we thought you were Elliot Spitzer."
Posted by: Dave | August 5, 2009 9:20 PM
Next time, take the time to download the iSextant app and you won't get so hopelessly lost.
Posted by: boneguy | August 6, 2009 12:59 AM
"David Carradine? Yeah, I knew him. He was a great customer."
Posted by: Steve_O | August 6, 2009 2:26 AM
I wonder if any of these women has a vagina large enough for my penis.
Posted by: Doug | August 6, 2009 7:12 AM
"Here at Lilliputian S&M, we believe the accumulation of small pleasures is far more gratifying than any one big thrill."
Posted by: Richard H | August 6, 2009 7:54 AM
New Yorker Anti-Caption Contestants finally had enough of waiting for their submissions to be reviewed. Among them was DeMarcus Ware of the Dallas Cowboys, several members of the Pussycat Dolls and Captain Kangaroo in a pair of boxers adorned with cherry hearts and candy canes for all the children.
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | August 6, 2009 9:25 AM
The name's Millicent Rooker, and you're about to get tolchocked, Gulliver.
Posted by: therblig | August 6, 2009 9:54 AM
"Keep in mind, it's going to be hard for me to hear the safe word once I'm that far up your asshole."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | August 6, 2009 10:24 AM
"See, this is why I should've won a Grammy for my audiobook It Takes a Village to Jerk Off a Gargantuan Masochist."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | August 6, 2009 11:32 AM
"Nice work, douchebag. Another idyllic masturbatory fantasy ruined by errant thoughts of your mummy."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | August 6, 2009 11:42 AM
"We may seem unnaturally tiny, but in fact, this is just the second stage of Devolution. The first stage is that if a problem comes along, you must whip it."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | August 6, 2009 12:11 PM
"Please don't stare at my breast. You're making me uncomfortable."
Posted by: Jeff G | August 6, 2009 1:20 PM
Just pick last week's caption, Daniel, and this all goes away.
Posted by: therblig | August 6, 2009 4:27 PM
"Look. Relax. We're just filming a porno called Gullible's Travels
."Posted by: Tim H | August 6, 2009 5:26 PM
Yo, al-in-la! Daniel's teetering again. Work your magic.
Posted by: Anonymous | August 6, 2009 7:23 PM
The bigger they come...
Posted by: Zach Brutsche | August 6, 2009 7:37 PM
"We'll untie you if you agree to be the float for our Gay Pride parade. Our Gay Mummy Pride parade."
Posted by: Steve_O | August 6, 2009 11:06 PM
Now is the time fir ak good men to come to the aid of their party.
Now is the time for all fgood men to come to the aid of their partuty.
noe is the time for all goood mento come to th aid of their party.
Shit.
Posted by: Rob | August 7, 2009 7:43 AM
"We have a very strict No Ponytails On Guys
dictum."Posted by: Kathy H | August 7, 2009 9:28 AM
"Fleischer Studios invented the Rotoscoping process, basically tracing live action film frame by frame to get a realistic animation effect, and used it to create the title character in their 1939 classic film 'Gulliver's Travels.' The result is magical. On the other hand, when an artist resorts to tracing one element in a single-panel cartoon it looks tacky and out-of-place, with realistic detail and perspective side-by-side with crude or stylized sketching. To this observer the practice highlights a general lack of technical training or just plain laziness."
Posted by: J.D. | August 7, 2009 10:07 AM
"I hope you're not a size queen."
"Hey, I don't want to accuse or anything but have you seen my pants?"
"That reminds me, funny story--oh, wait, here comes Victor. Try to act surprised when he fucks your tear duct."
"Carving up shipwrecked giants is a 40 billion shilling a year industry."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | August 7, 2009 10:11 AM
- Only recently discovered and authenticated, an early sketch for GULLIVER'S GAMBOLS, an ambitious Cecilia 'B' De Vile product never actually transferred to the silver screen for lack of sufficient venture capital during the depression years of the thirties. -
Posted by: The History Detectives | August 7, 2009 10:54 AM
[Parents are encouraged to boycott merchants upon whose shelves 'puzzle pieces' of the above ilk have recently come to be offered to the view and actual purchase of immature audiences.]
Posted by: The Family Value Association | August 7, 2009 11:36 AM
"We have children here with cancer, and we think you can help. We're going to cut off your ponytail."
"I get it; it's like `Locks of Love'. You're giving my hair to the kids."
"No - we're giving your bone marrow to the kids. But no kid wants marrow from a fag."
Posted by: Damon | August 7, 2009 12:17 PM
"Our motto is: WWDMFD: What Would David Marc Fischer Do?
"[R.I.P. David F.]
Posted by: Kathy H | August 7, 2009 1:10 PM
"Lick my boot, you worthless piece of garbage. And this time, try a little less saliva and a little less exhaling."
Posted by: mypalmike | August 7, 2009 1:58 PM
"Look, we actually got this thing we've got to get to. We'd invite you, but you're not really dressed for it.
Posted by: Steve_O | August 7, 2009 6:02 PM
"Spit her out, dammit! You can't eat a woman like that."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | August 8, 2009 9:13 AM
"One pill makes you larger,
And one pill makes you small,
And the Viagra this motherfucker gave you,
Made the rest of us your doll."
Posted by: PillowTalk | August 8, 2009 9:38 AM
"And after the spanking, the oral sex!"
Posted by: Dingo | August 8, 2009 9:51 AM
"Don't worry, we use a local anesthetic so you can't feel when we cut off your penis. It's going to make a terrific new tower to our castle."
Posted by: Brian L | August 8, 2009 3:32 PM
This is what you get for fucking all those sentient horses.
Posted by: Doug | August 8, 2009 4:02 PM
"Okay. 'City on a hill', I'll concede. But show me where it says, like, 'shining city on a hill' ! You have to be, like, some 'star' -(what the !)- lying hypocrite Whitehall 'politico' -(what the !) - to come up with any shining 'baloney' - (what the !)... You know, to maybe help set yourself up in a 'White House' -(what the !)...'Tongues', likely. ....I get that."
Posted by: Anonymous | August 8, 2009 4:05 PM
"Don't look at me like that. You knew I was a kinky little bitch when you married me."
Posted by: al in la | August 8, 2009 7:01 PM
"Tra-la ! ... It's true ! It's true ! I know it looks a bit bizarre - Tra-la ! - but in Camelot, Camelot, it's what renditions are.......Tra-la !"
Posted by: Anonymous | August 8, 2009 11:47 PM
"BEACH 'scene'...so NOW you pronouncin' ?!"
Posted by: Emily Litella | August 9, 2009 12:19 AM
"Hurry up and finish will ya, Stud? Some of us got to get to our day job in the butcher's display case. Don't ask ..."
Posted by: J.D. | August 9, 2009 8:50 AM
The mummies, they are some former black pharaohs of Kush. Does that count ?
Posted by: The New Yorker | August 9, 2009 12:29 PM
The 'eros' here is obscene !
Posted by: The Family Value Association | August 9, 2009 7:56 PM
"I honestly have no idea what is going on here."
Posted by: Harry | August 10, 2009 11:02 AM
"What were you saying about a 'no strings attached' relationship, Biatch?"
Posted by: Maude | August 10, 2009 11:15 AM
"I heard there was going to be unlimited juice?"
Posted by: Buster | August 10, 2009 11:28 AM
"Useful guys. Really fucking useful. This floss is really going to hold me down good, especially when it's nailed into the ground with tent pegs. And why the fuck are you guys so small and why are your girls so skanky and who the fuck is that guy dressed like a gay-biker?"
Posted by: Pippo | August 10, 2009 4:16 PM
"Mr. Radosh, you'll thoroughly enjoy working for your new masters."
Posted by: Anonymous | August 10, 2009 4:16 PM
"Yeah yeah yeahevery guy thinks he has the world's largest dick."
Posted by: Rob | August 10, 2009 5:55 PM
"We've run out of mascara, but how about some eye lashes?"
Posted by: Greenie Stickem Caps | August 12, 2009 11:46 PM
I myself have been a frequent contributor to this contest and feel obliged to thank Daniel Radosh for his work over the years on its behalf, even though I guess I never had much chance of winning the thing.
Posted by: 'Anonymous' | August 13, 2009 12:14 AM
Like 'Anonymous,' I, too, suffer with the fact that I will never have a chance of winning "this thing."
All I can say is, "Damn you, great-great-great-great grandfather Orville Q. Anonymous, for emigrating from your homeland and settling down in a place which, even now, has not fully opened its precious doors to all. Or something."
Posted by: Anonymous | August 13, 2009 10:32 AM
Totally Rockin' it.. "Kade Style"
Posted by: Arthur Kade | August 13, 2009 2:55 PM
"You've been a very bad metaphor, haven't you?!"
Posted by: Michael S. | August 14, 2009 12:15 PM
"That's because what happens in Lilliput STAYS in Lilliput.."
Posted by: Katrinka | August 14, 2009 2:00 PM
"Sorry about all the ropes, but funny story..nobody can find our pair of enormous fuzzy handcuffs.."
Posted by: Katrinka | August 14, 2009 2:01 PM
"I'm not sure we have enough of the little blue pills to make this worth your while.."
Posted by: Katrinka | August 14, 2009 2:03 PM
"Wait, you're saying you just wanted the massage?"
Posted by: Katrinka | August 14, 2009 2:05 PM
"We're greeting you as libertines."
Posted by: Joshua | August 15, 2009 9:23 AM
" 'Eres para mi, me lo ha dicho el viento, Eres para mi....'" [singing]
Posted by: Sam L. | August 16, 2009 1:53 PM
"Welcome to Fantasy Island, Mr. Bondage."
Posted by: MShaw | August 16, 2009 11:39 PM
"52.56 N - 66.52 W ? What, Labrador ?! No, this Libido, fellow, L-I-B-I-D-O ! Hey, whaddya know, 'girls' ?! 'Colum...', er, 'Colossus' here thought he was in Labrador -- 52.56 N -66.52 W ! ... Talk about deaf !"
Posted by: 'Anonymous' | August 17, 2009 1:53 PM
Welcome to the OC, bitch.
Posted by: Seth Evin Thomas | August 18, 2009 3:37 AM
"Can I tell you the truth. I fuckin' hate cheese"
"Hey Mouse, is that a 44 Regular? Cool"
Posted by: Squatter Jackson | August 18, 2009 1:33 PM
"Don't you realize that while you're doing this to me, The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest is going to shit?"
Posted by: Radosh | August 19, 2009 7:49 AM
"More important, however, is what I learned about my hormones."
Posted by: Deb | August 19, 2009 7:55 AM
"You freaks wash up on the beach - yes, beach ! - seems like every August, don't you ? Well, this year we gonna fix your butt good, freak, 'stead of burying you to the chin for the crabs - like them, what, five or six freaks we fixed last summer, hunh, gals ?! 'Fixed' is right ! .....And by crabs, he! he!, I'm not talking exact crabs some you gals picked up wherever, ha! ha!.... No ! Not exact crabs at all, ha! ha !"
Posted by: John Come Lately | August 19, 2009 7:11 PM
"Get ready for the flossing of a lifetime, big boy."
Posted by: Ned | August 21, 2009 1:08 AM
"Execute the un-judged Caption Contest infidel!" (He is not really a giant, just larger than life to we little people....)
Posted by: Redundantier | August 25, 2009 10:36 AM
"What the ?"
Posted by: Jacques | August 28, 2009 8:04 AM
"You know that weird feeling you have in your stomach? His name is Bruce."
Posted by: Limpy Witherspoon | August 28, 2009 12:50 PM
"Lilliputians? No, we're the Latexputians."
"This is what you get for suffocating Cindy. I told you the Cleveland Steamer wasn't an option."
Posted by: narcoleptic | September 7, 2009 4:55 PM