July 17, 2009

It fakes a village


Wondering what to get the U.S. Marines for its birthday? Here's the latest addition to its Amazon wish list Federal Business Opportunities site: a mock Afghanistan Village (Relocatable & Portable).

Of course, real Afghanistan villages can be relocated in all directions with a single strike from a Predator drone, but this one needs to usable after the Marines are finished with it so it "must be easily assembled/disassembled by 2-4 persons using minimal hand tools." Furthermore, "Each door must be 'breachable' and replaceable at low cost" and units "Must have a hidden compartment for a weapons cache." Note to potential vendors from Manhattan: A hidden compartment for a weapons cache is like a one-bedroom studio, but a little larger.

The outdoor areas of Village Al-Potemkin must be equally well-furnished, with "Fruit Stands with merchandise" (because vehicle crashes aren't nearly as comical without them) and "miscellaneous Vendor Stands (CD, DVD, Rolex, etc)." Can't believe Omega got outbid on that product placement. And how backward are these Afghans anyway? Don't they have MP3s and BitTorrent yet? How are we gonna bomb them back to the stone age when they're already still using CDs?

So why do the Marines want a play village? Well, they're telling Mrs. Marines that it will be really useful and educational and not at all like that PS3, which you were totally right about. But really they're just envious because all their friends have one already.

[h/t Martin Kaminer]

Posted by Daniel Radosh

Post a comment

Powered by
Movable Type 3.2