The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #197
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.
•Last week's results. •Rules and tips.
First place
"I'm gellin' alright. And by gellin' I mean dropping napalm on noncombatants." therblig
Second place
"What a strange plane. It lacks a propulsion system."mypalmike
Third place
"Yeah, they're last year's, but you know how long the procurement process takes." J. Warner
Honorable mention
Pilot: "Whew, what a mission that was! Tell me, Johnson - have you ever shot a Sidewinder missile right into the fat face of a North Korean child who was laughing at the shoes on your plane?"
Johnson: **stunned silence**
Pilot: "Um...`cause...I sure haven't..." Damon
"War is heel. Goddammit, three years with a speech therapist and I still can't shake this Eastern European accent! Anyway, try not to get keeled." t.a.m.s.y.
"There's nothin' like coming into a neatly trimmed landing strip. But enough about the Palin kid- oops, looks like it's apology time." LV
"Christ, what an Airsole" JohnnyB
Comments
This really motivates the thruster.
Posted by: boneguy | June 15, 2009 9:55 AM
"HIGH-HEEL TO THE DANGER ZONE!"
Posted by: Mike Mariano | June 15, 2009 10:04 AM
"What do you get when you take the `w' out of 'wheels'? Seriously - tell me. I never learned how to read."
Posted by: Damon | June 15, 2009 10:04 AM
"Yes - it was in `Top Gun'. This is the only plane Kelly McGillis was willing to go down on."
Posted by: Damon | June 15, 2009 10:15 AM
What was I thinking? I was thinking what would accessorize nicely with the new tailhook?
Posted by: boneguy | June 15, 2009 10:21 AM
"This wheeled ladder does not appear to be safe."
"'I'd like something in a pump' means 'I need gas', you idiot."
"Why do you have a flag on your penis?"
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 15, 2009 10:48 AM
"C'mon -- don't ask, don't tell."
Posted by: skullhed | June 15, 2009 10:48 AM
"If you don't ask, I won't tell."
"Ask and I'll tell."
"It's all part of Obama's plan to feminize the military."
"Yeah, they're last year's, but you know how long the procurement process takes."
Posted by: J. Warner | June 15, 2009 10:50 AM
"I re-calibrated the stabilator, sir."
"Good."
"Speed brakes are 100%"
"Good - weapons?"
"All ready."
"Good. Did you lubricate the landing gears?"
"........"
"Ugh. You sick fuck."
Posted by: Damon | June 15, 2009 11:16 AM
I don't care how long it is; you shouldn't tie a flag to it.
Posted by: WillM | June 15, 2009 11:24 AM
"This high-heeled landing gear is like three seasons out of style. It's been bugging me for months. I've been afraid to complain too loudly about it until now, but now that I'm trained as an Arabic interpreter I'm sure they wouldn't discharge me under 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.'"
Posted by: John Tabin | June 15, 2009 12:01 PM
"Today, my Air Force buddies replaced my landing gear with giant high-heeled shoes as a prank. Unfortunately I didn't notice, and, having no wheels, I ended up crash-landing on the deck of an aircraft carrier. FML"
Posted by: John Tabin | June 15, 2009 12:06 PM
"Hey, say something really graphic about gay sex. Radosh loves that shit."
Posted by: John Tabin | June 15, 2009 12:08 PM
Pilot: "Whew, what a mission that was! Tell me, Johnson - have you ever shot a Sidewinder missile right into the fat face of a North Korean child who was laughing at the shoes on your plane?"
Johnson: **stunned silence**
Pilot: "Um...`cause...I sure haven't..."
Posted by: Damon | June 15, 2009 12:14 PM
"I'm fairly certain I will die when trying to land this incredibly poorly designed plane, so... goodbye."
Posted by: TKC | June 15, 2009 12:40 PM
"What a strange plane. It lacks a propulsion system."
Posted by: mypalmike | June 15, 2009 1:10 PM
"Air Jordans would have been funnier."
This probably violates a copyright,but:
"Christ, what an asshole."
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 15, 2009 1:18 PM
"Hey, this plane is wearing the same shoes as your wife was when I banged her. In the butt. While your mom watched. I'm sure glad you can't hear a word I'm saying with that noise-blocking headset on."
Posted by: mypalmike | June 15, 2009 1:21 PM
"Tyra's F-16, Tyra's flight plan. Dunno what a `Janice Dickinson' is, but it's about to shit its pants."
Posted by: Damon | June 15, 2009 2:27 PM
"They make the plane look taller."
Posted by: Rob | June 15, 2009 2:47 PM
"You bet ! 'Shows 'em her heels' big time, soldier ! Big time !.....Call her 'The Memphis Heels', by the way."
Posted by: Sam L. | June 15, 2009 2:49 PM
I think I meant, "Christ, what an Airsole"
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 15, 2009 2:52 PM
" 'Fast' ? And how !!"
Posted by: Sam L. | June 15, 2009 3:01 PM
"Old 'MEG 17'. Freakin' slope flew 'er in from Korea."
Posted by: Sam L. | June 15, 2009 3:11 PM
"This is nothin'I've got an F-177 Nighthawk with fuck me boots."
Posted by: Rob | June 15, 2009 3:27 PM
"Say ! Them some grab-ass hooks, 'right stuff' ! Yes siree, they sure enough, pure D - pure Dd ! - grab-ass hooks, my man !....Boy !"
Posted by: Anonymous | June 15, 2009 4:09 PM
When we lost government funding, we had to turn her out just to pay the bills.
Posted by: LK | June 15, 2009 4:34 PM
Tell the ground crew there's a giant tampon in the cockpit!
Posted by: kejo | June 15, 2009 4:35 PM
It adds a level of interest to aerial re-fueling, especially when the tanker crew puts a "cock ring" on the boom.
Posted by: kejo | June 15, 2009 4:38 PM
Great Scott! I've flown through a rip in the space/time continuum, to an alternate universe where Hillary Clinton has apparently become president!
Posted by: kejo | June 15, 2009 4:42 PM
I know they're not funny and seemingly calibrated for a Hillary Clinton CinC-dom, but you should have seen the version I drew with watermelons for landing wheels.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | June 15, 2009 6:03 PM
Lockheed mis-heard Murtha: he asked for a new fighter plane to sell to the Israeli Air Force, they heard "new fighter plane for the Choos."
Posted by: The Confidence Man | June 15, 2009 6:06 PM
Enzo Angiolini, you crazy bastard!
Posted by: The Confidence Man | June 15, 2009 6:10 PM
"It's a bitch to land but once you do, it looks great on any runway."
Posted by: Dave | June 15, 2009 6:10 PM
"Well I guess we can't call it the cockpit anymore."
Posted by: Dave | June 15, 2009 6:11 PM
Thanks for painting over that big McCain-Palin '08 banner on the side.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | June 15, 2009 6:15 PM
I call it my "menstrual cycle"! Get it? Ha ha ha ha h-- wait.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | June 15, 2009 6:16 PM
"Is it just me, or is this plane kinda gay?"
Posted by: Deborah | June 15, 2009 6:46 PM
It's a thongbird.
Posted by: therblig | June 15, 2009 7:19 PM
"'Loops' ?...Ah, nothing to th.. What ? Oh ! 'Out the loop' ! Yeah, a bit - new 'glide record' and ever'thing ! ...Say, how 'd Gay do up at 'the St. Jude' ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | June 15, 2009 7:36 PM
I call it "The Spirit of St. Laurent"
Posted by: therblig | June 15, 2009 7:57 PM
I'm gellin' alright. And by gellin' I mean dropping napalm on noncombatants.
I love the smell of odor-eaters in the morning. Smells like...victory.
Posted by: therblig | June 15, 2009 8:04 PM
"Name o' Memphis Heels, purt thang !"
Posted by: Sam L. | June 15, 2009 8:11 PM
"The USSRs here are unseen !"
Posted by: Sam L. | June 15, 2009 8:32 PM
"And speaking of third legs, have you seen my larger-than-average penis?"
Posted by: J.D. | June 15, 2009 8:44 PM
"Her legs are fine, but her pussy stank."
Posted by: J.D. | June 15, 2009 8:54 PM
"Oh, great. The Marines already think we're fags as it is."
Posted by: Capt. Spaulding | June 15, 2009 8:57 PM
"...and for stealth missions, we put on the bunny slippers."
Posted by: Steve_O | June 15, 2009 8:58 PM
"Sir? This is the women's plane. The men's plane has Heineken bottles. Didn't you hear the men screaming over it?"
Posted by: Adman | June 15, 2009 9:20 PM
"Smells like used tampons up here."
Posted by: Glenn W | June 15, 2009 9:26 PM
It was damn nice of Ms. Evrolet to make this sacrifice for the war effort.
Posted by: therblig | June 15, 2009 9:28 PM
"Please, call me anti-captain."
Posted by: Brian L | June 15, 2009 9:43 PM
"What's with the flag on your penis?"
Posted by: David | June 15, 2009 9:44 PM
"Once you get her heels in the air, she handles great... like your wife."
Posted by: David | June 15, 2009 9:49 PM
Hey Bob.
Catch any more butterflies with your penis?
Posted by: djack | June 15, 2009 10:06 PM
Dammit Joe, wipe that thing off - it's not semenphore.
Posted by: therblig | June 15, 2009 10:44 PM
"Fuck this, I'm leaving.
[click clack click clack click clack click clack]"
"Insert misogynist joke here."
Posted by: klarabell | June 15, 2009 10:49 PM
"Oh shit! Michelle Obama is a Transformer!"
Posted by: J.D. | June 15, 2009 11:00 PM
I second
"Why do you have a flag on your penis?"
Posted by: Jose Ignacio | June 15, 2009 11:01 PM
"Can you imagine when some uptight homophobe muslim gets clusterfucked from a plane with high heels. Talk about the Great Satan!"
Posted by: mort drucker | June 15, 2009 11:48 PM
"Did you just say 'Mission Accomplished' with a lisp? Because if you did, I would understand. Somehow."
Posted by: mort drucker | June 15, 2009 11:54 PM
"So Jenkins, the 'Mistress of the Sky' flies again. I guess we know who can thank for that, though we're bound not to disclose it."
Posted by: mort drucker | June 16, 2009 12:03 AM
"What are you waiting for. Crawl over here and kiss her heels bitch."
Posted by: mort drucker | June 16, 2009 12:04 AM
"Quinn, would you mind sashaying back to the hangar and getting me a roomier codpiece?"
Posted by: mort drucker | June 16, 2009 12:08 AM
"Fuck me, shoes?"
Posted by: Brian L | June 16, 2009 1:26 AM
"Fuselage, you crazy....stop me if you know where this is going."
Posted by: Rob | June 16, 2009 7:21 AM
"I told you I felt the need for speed. How fast do you expect me to go in heels like these?"
Posted by: Francis | June 16, 2009 8:33 AM
"Good thing there are no Arabs here to see this."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | June 16, 2009 9:32 AM
Well, of course it's sabotage.
Posted by: therblig | June 16, 2009 10:40 AM
Of course I fucked it. I'm a leg man.
Posted by: Charles | June 16, 2009 12:10 PM
"These are gonna be the highest motherfucking heels the world has ever seen!"
Posted by: dahed | June 16, 2009 12:54 PM
"I'll just be climbing into the cuntpit now."
(Just taking Dave's entry about not calling it a cockpit to its natural conclusion.)
Posted by: mypalmike | June 16, 2009 1:43 PM
"Would you mind rolling forward a piece before rev-up, cap ? Don't wanna hot-up them last miserly sprigs of vegetation on base if you can he'p it."
Posted by: The Nature Conservancy | June 16, 2009 1:56 PM
The stealth model comes with a burqa.
Posted by: therblig | June 16, 2009 2:55 PM
Goddamnit, Rob made the better Fusilli joke.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | June 16, 2009 5:30 PM
Funny, it doesn't look Jewish
Posted by: Ipswich McGwinnick | June 16, 2009 5:33 PM
"Between you and me, Tommy Franks for Jimmy Choo was a dumb trade."
Posted by: al in la | June 16, 2009 6:00 PM
"It's a good thing there are no 'specs people' here to see this."
Posted by: Sam L. | June 16, 2009 6:31 PM
"Smile when you call me that, mister !"
Posted by: Owen Wister | June 16, 2009 6:53 PM
or "When you call me that, smile !"
Posted by: O.W. | June 16, 2009 7:04 PM
"Don't take them off. The toe fungus is really disgusting."
Posted by: Carl | June 16, 2009 7:09 PM
"In the unlikely event of a water landing, call Imelda Marcos."
Posted by: Ferdinand | June 16, 2009 7:12 PM
"bzzz bzzz bzzz!"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 17, 2009 5:49 AM
"Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads. Or for that matter, shoes. However we'll probably need wheels if we're going to get this thing in the air. You know, hey, let's just call a cab."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | June 17, 2009 6:07 AM
"War is heel. Goddammit, three years with a speech therapist and I still can't shake this Eastern European accent! Anyway, try not to get keeled."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | June 17, 2009 6:29 AM
"That wedding party you accidentally bombed was sooooo not gellin'."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | June 17, 2009 6:32 AM
"Ohmygawd, you have got to tell me where you got those shoes. Literally, I order you to tell me. You're being court-martialled on 16 counts of aircraft vandalism."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | June 17, 2009 6:48 AM
"I think I've been away from my wife too long. Everything I see reminds me of a woman. Also I keep raping female officers."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | June 17, 2009 7:00 AM
"That was a tough mission. I could really go for a 'Malibu Bay Breeze' and a pack of Virginia Slims."
Posted by: MAtt | June 17, 2009 8:57 AM
When I get back, how about a prostate massage?
Posted by: Anonymous | June 17, 2009 11:17 AM
I hate this fucking contest. And this is a stupid fucking cartoon.
Posted by: Anonymous | June 17, 2009 11:48 AM
Someone at Boeing goofed - a "tranny" plane refers to transverse wings.
Posted by: therblig | June 17, 2009 1:16 PM
"Hey, when does a Jewish man stop masturbating? When he gets a divorce. That's an old joke, but people still laugh at it, see, because Jewish women are known to be hard to live with, I dunno, demanding or something, and all about denying their husband access to their vagina, something like that. I know, weird, huh?"
Posted by: J.D. | June 17, 2009 3:48 PM
In stealth mode, they turn into Hush Puppies.
We tried Birkenstocks, but the damn planes refused to drop bombs.
Posted by: therblig | June 17, 2009 4:15 PM
"They'll look great when I do a cunning stunt."
"There's nothin' like coming into a neatly trimmed landing strip. But enough about the Palin kid- oops, looks like it's apology time."
Posted by: LV | June 17, 2009 8:06 PM
Hey Man, you better get your head out of that hole in the nose-cone because I'm about to fly this bitch. Oh my gosh, there's a hole in the nose-cone. that was a close call. Scary close.
Posted by: Mitch Cumstien | June 17, 2009 8:09 PM
“My hours in this prick tease are obscene.”
Posted by: Rob | June 17, 2009 9:04 PM
Repaint the U.S.S Nimitz pink, replace her tarmac with silver shag carpeting. Over and out.
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | June 17, 2009 11:27 PM
"Because I'm wearing the fish net stokings, Miss Nosey Nancy."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | June 17, 2009 11:29 PM
"Today's mission: buzz the Blue Angels and see who stands up to salute, as it were."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | June 17, 2009 11:31 PM
"My last jet fighter had tentacles: this is much better."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | June 17, 2009 11:38 PM
Stiletto weaponry installed!
Be heeled!
Posted by: rocket scientist | June 18, 2009 12:59 AM
In addition to the shoes, it has no rudder so it can change direction capriciously. You know...like a woman.
Posted by: therblig | June 18, 2009 9:41 AM
"Fortunately Evrolet woman is asleep now so we can sneak up and trim her nipple hairs."
Posted by: J.D. | June 18, 2009 8:34 PM
"The horse* here is unseen." *horsepower - with grateful nod to 'mypalmike' for 'lacks a propulsion system'.
Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2009 9:00 PM
"Women's shoes, can't live with 'em, can't fly without 'em."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | June 18, 2009 9:24 PM
"Watch for the bomb bay doors to open, and the biggest tits you've ever seen will fall out."
Posted by: RinkieDink | June 18, 2009 9:41 PM
"No Dave, I said Fokker."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | June 18, 2009 9:44 PM
"It's the only way SJP's surrogate can avoid the paparazzi."
Posted by: MattyMatt | June 18, 2009 11:31 PM
"It's the only way SJP's surrogate can avoid the paparazzi."
Posted by: MattyMatt | June 18, 2009 11:31 PM
"I'm a lover, not a fighter pilot."
Posted by: Richard H | June 19, 2009 1:53 AM
"Could I try it with a smaller heel?"
Posted by: Richard H | June 19, 2009 6:55 AM
Yes, but she brakes just like a little girl.
Posted by: therblig | June 19, 2009 10:20 AM
"I say, have you checked for brevibacteria?"
Posted by: David F | June 19, 2009 11:03 AM
"I was an English major and promising young writer, but realized to be successful I could never write anything offensive to Si Newhouse, Pinch Sulzberger, Sumner Redstone, Rupert Murdoch and a bunch of other sketchy old tyrants. So I dropped writing and took up mechanical engineering with the disastrous results you see here, owing to my highly developed sense of literary irony. At least I didn't become a shameless toady like Malcolm Gladwell."
Posted by: J.D. | June 19, 2009 12:41 PM
"Howard Hughes owned it. Guy had a major foot fetish. By the way, did you see the Leighton Meester sex tape? She gives great foot!"
Posted by: Orson | June 19, 2009 6:56 PM
"Shoe fly don't bother me."
Posted by: Rob | June 19, 2009 8:37 PM
"It's our new approach: Less 'fuck you.' More 'fuck me.'"
Posted by: al in la | June 20, 2009 2:10 AM
"Some days you want to napalm, strafe, and bomb. Other days you just want to feel sexy."
Posted by: Steve_O | June 20, 2009 10:32 AM
"Peep toe, my ass"
Posted by: Greg | June 20, 2009 11:39 AM
"These skid-marks are gonna deliver a village o' hard-ons."
Posted by: MShaw | June 20, 2009 12:26 PM
"OK, Johnson: YOU MAY REMOVE THE WENCHES!"
Posted by: m | June 20, 2009 12:28 PM
"As you know, you go to war with the wear you have. It's not the wear you might wish or want to have at a later time."
Posted by: Sam L. | June 20, 2009 5:45 PM
"Where do you think you're going, heelboy? Heelraiser. To heel and back? Drag me to heel on the highway to heel."
Posted by: Helga | June 20, 2009 9:38 PM
"Sure, she's all lady-like now, but tomorrow she'll be taking it up the tailpipe from anyone who's got a refueling hose."
Posted by: Steve_O | June 21, 2009 1:54 AM
"Airman! There WAS an old woman who lived in that shoe! And she had so many kids, she didn't know what to do. But now I guess we'll scrape them out and toss them in the dump."
Posted by: Steve_O | June 21, 2009 10:19 AM
"...and to think ! Nary a hairy mission !"
Posted by: Sam L. | June 21, 2009 1:49 PM