I'm starting to think you aren't really afraid of the needles, but okay, one more time I'm going to show you it doesn't hurt. Then it's your turn, I mean it.
"Of course, electrolysis is a always an option, but he wanted to run a few tests and check for a hormonal imbalance first, just to be on the safe side."
Yes dear. I have been hiding my true identity. I AM PorcupineMan. Now if you don't mind, I must leave to fight SkunkGirl who at this moment is stinking up our fair city.
"Yeah, I'm not sure why they can't simply draw the lines in afterward, either, but they're paying us handsomely to pose for these anatomical diagrams, so just hold still."
Sorry about the splinters, I play Jesus in my parish's passion play and the damn prop guys didn't have time to sand down the old rugged cross. Still, you should see the guy who played Judas.
"What? Oh, no, I'm not Dr. Huang -- he's in Suite 1. This is Suite l -- with a lower case 'L'. It stands for 'lab-coat wearing sociopath who enjoys playing with needles'. Really, I don't know how much clearer I could make things."
"Helen, it's your freakin' porcupine! I told you it was a bad idea to have one as a pet! You ask for my help getting him back in his enclosure... and while I do all the work YOU TAKE A NAP!?!"
"Okay... my 'chi' and 'Chakras' are aligned. Now, what seems to be the problem."
"Damned stupid box of Acupuncture needles fell on me. Can we reschedule?"
"Since you asked, that asshole doctor House inserted these dirty cocktail weiner toothpicks into my pressure points to prove some obscure point. He's a menace, that House. A menace."
"The ones on my forehead are, 'When are you going to fix the garage door?' and the ones on my back are, 'When are you going to paint the back hallway?' etc. etc. etc."
"Any night I chug more than eight quarts of pork gravy, these doodads shunt off the excess. But you're gonna say, 'Honey, just don't drink so much pork gravy.' Well here's the thing: I Like Pork Gravy. Now, get up."
"Yes, they're clip-ons. I was playing around with your nipple clamps and found that extreme pinching gets me off better than fucking you while you sleep, so I just let you lay there. Of course, that means I'm not paying you for this session."
"My name is Josef Mengele and I just wanted to re-enact some of my favorite 'Mad About You' episodes with you. Because that's who likes that show, me, Josef Mengele. And to be honest, I don't like it that much."
"Know the difference between a frat house and a porcupine? With a porcupine all the pricks are on the outside! Ha ha ha ha ha! Is my bedside manner reassuring you any?"
"So then I said, 'Wu, from my vantage point, it all sounds pretty weird.' And then he said, 'Well, Seymour, from where I sit, circumcision is pretty weird too.'"
"I'm getting 6 bucks an hour to be a model for 'Living Anatomy' class, but I lost all my labels. Have you seen them?"
"Bring me the embalming fluid and trochar, please. Then shut the door as you leave and that will be all, Miss Thanatogenos. I'm doing this loved one myself."
Mary lay alone on the roof of her Lincoln Towncar at the drive-in theater, contemplating the lessons she might be able to take away from her recent breakup with Stan, oblivious to the chill-inducing scenes of the projected film, Heckraiser 3.
"So I told him, I'll be in your stupid-ass cartoon, but can I at least have a few lines this time...Dd, it turns out, is a very lazy and mean spirited man."
"Twenty-nine needles. That is correct. Which means either (1) you made a lucky guess (2) you had knowledge of the total ahead of time, or (3) you are one fine autistically gifted little bitch. Regardless, I'm in a lot of pain."
"Wow, is Craig's list the bomb or what? Imagine finding the right coma patient for my acupuncture needle fetish hook-up with an old fashioned personal ad. What a marvel this modern world is!"
"Thens eef beafed up americano agencias aroaches yew neerbys, gringa drogie, yew weel couch yewsel een maneria so rezeblent they loely heghog caktusi (Echinocereus triglochidiatus), wats I weel demonstraw yew momently, estupida o.d.'d drogie.!"
"I know what you're thinking, 'Did he stick himself with thirty needles or only twentynine?' Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I've kind of lost track myself..."
"...and I'm going to keep this up for each day he refuses to judge contest #183. I mean, 'This is a bigger mess than when I let you Daewoo on my Leganzas'? That's fucking gold, honey! Gold!"
"Please count the needles; each represent a day waiting for someone to put an end to my pain, waiting for a winner, although reading it will only provide pain of another sort."
Comments
AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | April 13, 2009 9:19 AM
Whaddya mean, "Is it in?"
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | April 13, 2009 9:21 AM
I was ambushed by savages. Wow, your pussy is drenched.
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | April 13, 2009 9:23 AM
Once my coffee stirrer porcupine outfit is finished, I can consummate my bizarre sex ritual on this dead prostitute.
Posted by: Anonymous | April 13, 2009 9:28 AM
Gesundheit
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 13, 2009 9:28 AM
DINSDALE !!!
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | April 13, 2009 9:29 AM
Once my coffee stirrer porcupine outfit is finished, I can consummate my bizarre sex ritual on this dead prostitute. [that was me . . .]
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | April 13, 2009 9:30 AM
I started with just a few needles and thateased my emotional pain. Now I can't stop. Wait, should I be lying down?
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 13, 2009 9:33 AM
OK, just relax, you're going to feel just a little prick . . .
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | April 13, 2009 9:35 AM
I'm starting to think you aren't really afraid of the needles, but okay, one more time I'm going to show you it doesn't hurt. Then it's your turn, I mean it.
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 13, 2009 9:36 AM
I'm having trouble turning off the italics. The accupuncture isn't helping.
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 13, 2009 9:36 AM
International hostage rescue *and* a new puppy? Yeah, I'd say Obama had a good Easter weekend . . .
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | April 13, 2009 9:38 AM
The artist apparently ignored the cartoon concept of "motion lines," but I'm furiously finger-frigging you as I speak.
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | April 13, 2009 9:42 AM
"Yes, I get the point."
Posted by: Vlad | April 13, 2009 9:42 AM
"Of course, electrolysis is a always an option, but he wanted to run a few tests and check for a hormonal imbalance first, just to be on the safe side."
Posted by: Vlad | April 13, 2009 9:51 AM
"You see? I told you I would stop screaming after the 25th one."
Posted by: mdoyle | April 13, 2009 10:26 AM
"I'm putting the rest of these into my eyes. And I won't feel a thing!"
Posted by: mdoyle | April 13, 2009 10:28 AM
"Nope, I still want to rape you...Nope, I still want to rape you...Nope, I still want to rape you...Nope, I still want to rape you...."
"Always let the Wookie win when you play 'pick up sticks'."
"Only the one in my urethra hurts."
Posted by: MAtt | April 13, 2009 10:37 AM
Yes dear. I have been hiding my true identity. I AM PorcupineMan. Now if you don't mind, I must leave to fight SkunkGirl who at this moment is stinking up our fair city.
Posted by: boneguy | April 13, 2009 10:39 AM
My electrolysis treatment offers slightly different but novel results.
Posted by: boneguy | April 13, 2009 10:41 AM
It's called "Inaccupuncture".
Posted by: therblig | April 13, 2009 10:44 AM
I'm a city boy, but I like practicing medicine in the sticks.
Posted by: therblig | April 13, 2009 10:45 AM
"So how long have been the President of the 'Hellraiser' fan club?"
Posted by: xjv | April 13, 2009 10:49 AM
"Is what safe?"
Posted by: gary | April 13, 2009 10:55 AM
"These selections help control premature ejaculation. Now, please remove your clothes."
Posted by: Brian L | April 13, 2009 11:29 AM
"Just for full disclosure: we've had a recent spike of AIDS cases pop up in the office."
Posted by: Brian L | April 13, 2009 11:35 AM
"I've got the puncture down, but I'm still working on the accu."
Posted by: Tom | April 13, 2009 11:35 AM
No, wait!
"Yes, it does hurt. Now, why are you sleeping on my dining room table?"
Posted by: Tom | April 13, 2009 11:38 AM
"Remember how you told me spaghetti would stick only if it'd been cooked long enough? Yeah - add that one to your menagerie of lies."
Posted by: Damon | April 13, 2009 11:43 AM
"Pick one, they said. You can't pursue two dreams, they said. Either accupuncture or embalming, they said. Ha! Little did they know!"
Posted by: Vance | April 13, 2009 11:58 AM
"Honey, wake up. I need you to call 911. I'm going into toxic chakra."
Posted by: Francis | April 13, 2009 12:01 PM
"Have you been using my needles for electrolysis again?"
Posted by: Francis | April 13, 2009 12:02 PM
"Yeah, but I can't find the fucking haystack."
Posted by: Rob | April 13, 2009 12:05 PM
I second
Gesundheit
Posted by: Anonymous | April 13, 2009 12:16 PM
"Yes, I was recently attacked by a porcupine. But you're the one seeking a pap smear from a vet."
Posted by: Christian | April 13, 2009 12:33 PM
"Aurora, it's me, your prince, I'm finally here! Man, you would not believe the fucking forest of thorns I had to go through..."
Posted by: Vance | April 13, 2009 12:37 PM
We were playing "Pooh sticks" and I accused Piglet of cheating. He was, too, the trefe little bastard.
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 13, 2009 12:40 PM
I don't care what your sheets say - those are not double-d's. The needles? I have no idea.
Posted by: therblig | April 13, 2009 12:48 PM
"The joke's on the Hovitos. I'm immune to dart frog poison."
Posted by: David | April 13, 2009 12:50 PM
What? These? I'm trying to get cast as a Young Adama on the BSG prequel.
Posted by: David | April 13, 2009 12:52 PM
Ow.
Posted by: Tim C. | April 13, 2009 1:02 PM
"Yeah, I'm not sure why they can't simply draw the lines in afterward, either, but they're paying us handsomely to pose for these anatomical diagrams, so just hold still."
Posted by: Tim C. | April 13, 2009 1:10 PM
"So when did you last see a dentist?"
Posted by: Richard H | April 13, 2009 1:20 PM
"During today's eye exam, you may experience a little bleeding."
Posted by: Richard H | April 13, 2009 1:21 PM
Sorry about the splinters, I play Jesus in my parish's passion play and the damn prop guys didn't have time to sand down the old rugged cross. Still, you should see the guy who played Judas.
Posted by: therblig | April 13, 2009 1:23 PM
"I think I was supposed to stick these needles into you."
Posted by: Richard H | April 13, 2009 1:24 PM
"So if there's no fast-acting poison in any of the five remaining needles, will you finally accept my diagnosis of paranoia?"
Posted by: Richard H | April 13, 2009 1:25 PM
"I sometimes feel compelled to do strange things to impress women. Do you like me? Do you want to have coffee? Please say yes."
Posted by: Richard H | April 13, 2009 1:26 PM
"The OW!ers here are unclean."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | April 13, 2009 1:34 PM
"What? Oh, no, I'm not Dr. Huang -- he's in Suite 1. This is Suite l -- with a lower case 'L'. It stands for 'lab-coat wearing sociopath who enjoys playing with needles'. Really, I don't know how much clearer I could make things."
Posted by: Tim C. | April 13, 2009 1:43 PM
I hope the facts that I'm neither Asian nor competent put you off accupuncture.
Posted by: therblig | April 13, 2009 1:45 PM
"Once I've finished removing these, we're going to have a talk about why shooting the doctor with dozens of blow darts is not okay."
Posted by: Rubrick | April 13, 2009 1:59 PM
"OK, I knew it wouldn't be easy to be the first male Clinique salesperson AND the first one in the Amazon, but y'know what? Screw this. I quit."
Posted by: Tim C. | April 13, 2009 2:19 PM
"Did I fall asleep?"
"For a little while."
"Shall I go now?"
"If you like."
"Hey, what happened to your--"
"Don't ask."
Posted by: Tim C. | April 13, 2009 2:22 PM
You shoulda seen the other guy - I'm pretty sure I broke every bone in his body.
Posted by: firebus | April 13, 2009 2:36 PM
"Okay, I get that an erection of over 4 hours isn't your cup of tea. Now help me pull all this stuff out and get the damn thing down!"
Posted by: njtotx | April 13, 2009 2:48 PM
"Helen, it's your freakin' porcupine! I told you it was a bad idea to have one as a pet! You ask for my help getting him back in his enclosure... and while I do all the work YOU TAKE A NAP!?!"
"Okay... my 'chi' and 'Chakras' are aligned. Now, what seems to be the problem."
"Damned stupid box of Acupuncture needles fell on me. Can we reschedule?"
Posted by: Johnny V | April 13, 2009 3:15 PM
"Since you asked, that asshole doctor House inserted these dirty cocktail weiner toothpicks into my pressure points to prove some obscure point. He's a menace, that House. A menace."
Posted by: mort drucker | April 13, 2009 3:34 PM
(singing) "I'm a necrophilic acupuncture doctor! And this corpse is oh so perfect for my cock-TOR!"
Posted by: Glenn | April 13, 2009 3:41 PM
"How are you with sharing needles?'
Posted by: mort drucker | April 13, 2009 3:49 PM
"I just got back from a chiropractors' convention. Needless to say, being an acupuncturist I received an excessive amount of needling."
Posted by: djack | April 13, 2009 3:59 PM
"It looks like I'm going to use all the pins on myself, do you mind if I fork you?"
Posted by: djack | April 13, 2009 3:59 PM
"Seriously, once they start sticking them in your scrotum you don't even feel the ones in your face."
Posted by: djack | April 13, 2009 4:00 PM
"No, we don't do acupuncture. We do treat tiny armed archers, but generally only under group plans."
Posted by: mort drucker | April 13, 2009 4:02 PM
"The ones on my forehead are, 'When are you going to fix the garage door?' and the ones on my back are, 'When are you going to paint the back hallway?' etc. etc. etc."
Posted by: Rob | April 13, 2009 4:07 PM
Mom, if you can give me something to remove unwanted hair, especially from my palm, I'll stop watching you while you sleep. I swear, this time I will.
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 13, 2009 4:58 PM
"This isn't funny. And yet it's ten times funnier than any `Mad About You' episode you and Paul Reiser made."
Posted by: Damon | April 13, 2009 5:34 PM
"See? It doesn't hurt. But it won't make your tits bigger. If you want a pair of Ds, I suggest plastic surgery...or just reach behind your head."
Posted by: Damon | April 13, 2009 5:50 PM
"There are half as many needles as you think, and they are going all the way through me."
Posted by: Harry | April 13, 2009 6:04 PM
"I'm going to slowly move my right hand up your left thigh and you tell me where your uncle touched you."
Posted by: Brian L | April 13, 2009 8:50 PM
"Please help me."
Posted by: Deborah | April 13, 2009 9:02 PM
"I cannot cause the large unsightly tumor at the back of your head to disappear. At best I can alleviate the discomfort somewhat. I'm terribly sorry."
Posted by: J.D. | April 13, 2009 9:34 PM
"Ha! You see, you can use chopsticks from Panda Express for this shit. You owe me oral sex."
Posted by: David John | April 13, 2009 9:34 PM
"It keeps women off me while I'm conducting their breast exam."
Posted by: Rob | April 13, 2009 10:01 PM
"I'd like to get my needle count down."
Posted by: LV | April 13, 2009 10:22 PM
"Any night I chug more than eight quarts of pork gravy, these doodads shunt off the excess. But you're gonna say, 'Honey, just don't drink so much pork gravy.' Well here's the thing: I Like Pork Gravy. Now, get up."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | April 13, 2009 10:56 PM
"It's your turn to mollify the Lilliputians. Now, get up."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | April 13, 2009 10:58 PM
"They looks like they're pronounced 'horses' doovers', but they're not. Also, the toothpicks are trickier than you'd think. Now, get up."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | April 13, 2009 11:00 PM
"When I'm engorged with blood or am tumescent with rage I get strawed up and find an affable trull who'll sip and sip and sip. You busy?"
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | April 13, 2009 11:06 PM
"The girl at Walgreens said to avoid revolving doors, carnival rides, rassling and conventional postures of copulation. Now, get up."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | April 13, 2009 11:09 PM
"The Watson boys and their Fridge Magnets are lurking in wait for me. Offer them your body whilst I flee, please."
Posted by: Euseless Tilley | April 13, 2009 11:12 PM
"Wake up Jean Grey. it's me, Pastamaker."
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | April 13, 2009 11:16 PM
"Yes, they're clip-ons. I was playing around with your nipple clamps and found that extreme pinching gets me off better than fucking you while you sleep, so I just let you lay there. Of course, that means I'm not paying you for this session."
Posted by: Jesse | April 14, 2009 12:03 AM
"Don't you see? You pricked your doctor, so I doctored your prick. Enjoy your sex change."
Posted by: al in la | April 14, 2009 1:57 AM
I went holistic once I found out my mother was Haitian and my father was Cantonese.
Posted by: Bryan | April 14, 2009 2:40 AM
"Don't worry, I'm sterile."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | April 14, 2009 2:58 AM
"I just pray that somewhere there's a voodoo doll in an extraordinary amount of pain."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | April 14, 2009 6:04 AM
"Mom! I ate too many pretzel sticks and it's happening again! And I can't stop eating pretzel sticks!"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | April 14, 2009 6:06 AM
"My name is Josef Mengele and I just wanted to re-enact some of my favorite 'Mad About You' episodes with you. Because that's who likes that show, me, Josef Mengele. And to be honest, I don't like it that much."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | April 14, 2009 6:20 AM
"Know the difference between a frat house and a porcupine? With a porcupine all the pricks are on the outside! Ha ha ha ha ha! Is my bedside manner reassuring you any?"
Posted by: Bou | April 14, 2009 9:25 AM
"No, no, no. I get the needles. You get the maggots."
Posted by: Rickard | April 14, 2009 9:49 AM
"Si Newhouse pays me to ridicule any therapies not sanctioned by the AMA-Big Pharma-Insurance Industry cartel."
Posted by: J.D. | April 14, 2009 10:26 AM
"So then I said, 'Wu, from my vantage point, it all sounds pretty weird.' And then he said, 'Well, Seymour, from where I sit, circumcision is pretty weird too.'"
Posted by: Bou | April 14, 2009 11:02 AM
"I'm getting 6 bucks an hour to be a model for 'Living Anatomy' class, but I lost all my labels. Have you seen them?"
"Bring me the embalming fluid and trochar, please. Then shut the door as you leave and that will be all, Miss Thanatogenos. I'm doing this loved one myself."
Posted by: LV | April 14, 2009 12:55 PM
You always said you wanted to fuck Trent Reznor.
Posted by: Dirk McGirk | April 14, 2009 1:19 PM
"I'm not only the president of the Acupuncture Club for Men, I'm also a client. By the way, you're a very effeminate man."
Posted by: John Tabin | April 14, 2009 2:57 PM
..but what I SAID was I wanted to Pork You Supine.
Posted by: Greg Urbaitis | April 14, 2009 4:45 PM
"Don't worry, we'll get that back pain all taken care of. Oh, but I should warn you, my patients do usually get AIDS."
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | April 14, 2009 6:35 PM
"Mongoloid good thing ... Why do you as ask ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 14, 2009 7:13 PM
"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me. But these goddamn needles hurt like hell."
Posted by: Dave | April 14, 2009 7:16 PM
"We've gotta get rid of that damned cat. Look at all this cat hair."
Posted by: Dave | April 14, 2009 7:17 PM
"I think there's something about this voodoo business that I don't quite get."
Posted by: Dave | April 14, 2009 7:19 PM
"I feel your pain."
Posted by: Dave | April 14, 2009 7:33 PM
"I'm trying to quit."
Posted by: Dave | April 14, 2009 7:34 PM
"OK, now it's my turn."
Posted by: Dave | April 14, 2009 7:35 PM
"I won't prescribe anything for my patients that I won't stick in myself."
Posted by: Dave | April 14, 2009 7:36 PM
"Don't worry about inexperience; I'm older than I look. If you look closely, you can see the lines in my face."
Posted by: Rubrick | April 14, 2009 8:21 PM
"I've got a pretty bad case of cancer."
Posted by: d | April 14, 2009 9:37 PM
"'Hari-curee' ! You not hear ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 14, 2009 10:30 PM
"Mongoloid, good thing. Why do you ask ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 14, 2009 10:34 PM
Mary suddenly realized that $169.95 was far more than the life-sized novelty pincushion man was really worth.
Posted by: mypalmike | April 15, 2009 2:46 AM
Mary lay alone on the roof of her Lincoln Towncar at the drive-in theater, contemplating the lessons she might be able to take away from her recent breakup with Stan, oblivious to the chill-inducing scenes of the projected film, Heckraiser 3.
Posted by: mypalmike | April 15, 2009 2:58 AM
"So I told him, I'll be in your stupid-ass cartoon, but can I at least have a few lines this time...Dd, it turns out, is a very lazy and mean spirited man."
Posted by: al in la | April 15, 2009 3:44 AM
They said I'd feel a series of small pricks, but all I feel here is a vagina.
Posted by: pessimist | April 15, 2009 11:02 AM
No no, we do INacupuncture!
Posted by: Grizzly Dad | April 15, 2009 1:50 PM
"The next time I play pick-up sticks with our son, I'm going to let him win."
Posted by: Francis | April 15, 2009 2:34 PM
Jesus Christ, what an asshole
Posted by: Ancich | April 15, 2009 10:21 PM
"Honey, I shrunk The Apocalypse Now."
Posted by: Rob | April 16, 2009 7:06 AM
All right then, I won't charge you for the abortion. On second thought, you can pay me in food stamps.
Posted by: LK | April 16, 2009 8:30 PM
"I love pencils."
Posted by: Greg | April 16, 2009 10:19 PM
"Twenty-nine needles. That is correct. Which means either (1) you made a lucky guess (2) you had knowledge of the total ahead of time, or (3) you are one fine autistically gifted little bitch. Regardless, I'm in a lot of pain."
Posted by: mort drucker | April 17, 2009 11:53 AM
"Wow, is Craig's list the bomb or what? Imagine finding the right coma patient for my acupuncture needle fetish hook-up with an old fashioned personal ad. What a marvel this modern world is!"
Posted by: mort drucker | April 17, 2009 12:03 PM
"I feel great, want a try?"
Posted by: Alex | April 17, 2009 1:23 PM
"How the hell did you do that?"
Posted by: Alex | April 17, 2009 1:24 PM
"So I guess the answer is you won't go out with me?"
Posted by: Alex | April 17, 2009 1:25 PM
"I didn't get that part in the Hellraiser remake. They want a female to play the teenage daughter."
Posted by: David John | April 17, 2009 7:00 PM
"I vowed to stick a needle in my body for every day that went by without results from last week's anti-caption contest."
Posted by: Rubrick | April 17, 2009 8:21 PM
"I'll bet even the New Yorker is having to comb through sexually-charged caption suggestions."
Posted by: Rupert | April 18, 2009 10:51 AM
FML
Posted by: klarabell | April 18, 2009 12:32 PM
"Next time, how about if you get the acupuncture and I get the back rub?"
"How was it for you, Amy?"
"I hear you. Stuck qi is a bitch."
"How does my tongue look?"
"You want a piece of this?"
"And as an added bonus, I'm also an M.D. Or used to be, until they noticed how much Demerol was missing."
"Don't worry, I saved a couple for you."
"Do you mind if the needles I use on you are coated with my bodily fluids?"
Posted by: Joel Jacobs | April 18, 2009 1:00 PM
"Thens eef beafed up americano agencias aroaches yew neerbys, gringa drogie, yew weel couch yewsel een maneria so rezeblent they loely heghog caktusi (Echinocereus triglochidiatus), wats I weel demonstraw yew momently, estupida o.d.'d drogie.!"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 18, 2009 1:08 PM
"Did you want your breast implants to be small, large or supersized?"
Posted by: Swaption | April 19, 2009 12:23 AM
"When I take them out my hemorrhoids literally balloon."
Posted by: J.D. | April 19, 2009 2:41 AM
"Go ahead! I don't care how many entries you make. I'm too busy to pick an anti-caption winner."
Posted by: Anonymous | April 19, 2009 5:13 AM
"Under the new Obama interrogation policy, we torture ourselves until you confess out of empathy."
Posted by: Steve_O | April 19, 2009 1:44 PM
"I can't believe I was stung by the Hipster Grifter!"
Posted by: David F | April 19, 2009 7:14 PM
"I know what you're thinking, 'Did he stick himself with thirty needles or only twentynine?' Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I've kind of lost track myself..."
Posted by: who cares? | April 19, 2009 7:38 PM
"Let's fuck."
Posted by: mrparallel | April 19, 2009 7:43 PM
Okay. I'm a prick.
Posted by: Bryan | April 19, 2009 10:58 PM
Who's needle _dick_ now?!?
Posted by: Bryan | April 19, 2009 10:58 PM
This is why I tell you to shave that bush.
Posted by: Bryan | April 19, 2009 10:59 PM
Fuck your porcupine fantasy!
Posted by: Bryan | April 19, 2009 11:00 PM
"...and I'm going to keep this up for each day he refuses to judge contest #183. I mean, 'This is a bigger mess than when I let you Daewoo on my Leganzas'? That's fucking gold, honey! Gold!"
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | April 20, 2009 1:55 AM
"Honey, look, this is my impression of you. I'm Molly and I just can't get enough pricks in me! See what I did there, you self-destructive whore?"
Posted by: t.a.m.s.y. | April 20, 2009 2:11 AM
You told me I needed to grow a spine. So now I have, all over my body. And on an altogether different subject, would you like a chopstick?
Posted by: Doug | April 20, 2009 6:54 AM
Okay, I was wrong. Sometimes it does hurt.
Posted by: geo7 | April 20, 2009 11:32 AM
What's the fucking point?
Posted by: Anonymous | April 20, 2009 10:07 PM
"OK, my headache is gone, now; shall we start?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | April 21, 2009 5:26 PM
"What are those, about a 34b?"
Posted by: Doc | April 21, 2009 11:32 PM
"I have become so distressed at Radosh's tardiness in judging his contest that I have decided to commit suicide. Very, very slowly. And you?"
Posted by: Galoux | April 24, 2009 12:26 AM
You've got to be shitting me? Radosh has NOT picked an anti-caption winner in almost 3 weeks. Get over here and give me a blow-job, bitch!
Posted by: Anonymous | April 24, 2009 11:33 PM
"Please count the needles; each represent a day waiting for someone to put an end to my pain, waiting for a winner, although reading it will only provide pain of another sort."
Posted by: Greg | April 25, 2009 12:55 AM
Gesundheit is officially the worst anti-caption ever, considering its a real life finalist of the non anti caption caption contest.
Posted by: harry | April 27, 2009 1:11 AM
real life winner.
Posted by: harry | May 11, 2009 11:09 PM