January 26, 2009

If your mother says she really, really loves you, check it out

discodolls.jpg Hot off every online news outlet's "most popular" list:

Yahoo News: "Hong Kong to produce 'world's first 3D sex movie'"

New York Magazine: "Finally! The world’s first-ever erotic 3-D movie, the appropriately titled 3D Sex and Zen, will begin production in April."

Variety: "Lensing will begin in April on what its producer claims will be the world's first erotic movie to be made in stereoscopic 3-D."

Wired: "Shooting will begin in April on what's being billed as the world's first 3-D erotic film, according to its producer."

IGN: "A Chinese filmmaker has announced plans to make what he claims to be the world's first 3D sex movie."

Sex and porn are subjects the media covers on frequently, but rarely seriously. It's not supposed to be news, just a little something to titillate readers while they're bored at work. Still, does no one want to do a little reporting first? I dug out my April, 2002 Playboy and found this letter to the adviser:

Q. Is there such a thing as three-dimensional porn? If so, where can I buy it?-- G.H., Pueblo, Colorado

A. You don't need to buy it. Just open your eyes during sex. Porn shot in 3D, like porn that's not shot in 3D, is mostly disappointing. You have a few options. The 1992 3D video Princess Orgasma and the Magic Bed is still available. It comes with a pair of Pulfrich glasses (one lens is darker than the other, and the image viewed through the darker lens reaches the brain slightly later). Vidmax 3D sells 16 collections of sex scenes shot in the mid-Nineties with alternate field stereography (the two best are Bedroom Cries and Boudoir Babes). To view the effect, slide one of the $50 videos into your VCR, then plug a pair of $125 shutter glasses into the player's output jack. Phone 909-480-0287 for details. The first 3D porn on DVD and the necessary hardware is available for about $100 from ErotekDimensions.com (three new releases are expected later this year). Two dreadful hard-core films shot in the mid-Seventies for anaglyphic (red-blue) lenses, The Lollipop Girls in Hard Candy and Disco Dolls in Hot Skin, are popular on the midnight movie circuit. Finally, if you happen to be in Riverside, California in July for the National Stereoscopic Association convention, Adult Video News editor and 3D photographer Mark Kernes plans to present his annual midnight show of eye-popping hard-core shots taken on porn sets. Some images also appear as slide shows on the DVD versions of Unreal and Chloe Cums First. No glasses necessary -- just stare hard.

At least we know what Judy Miller has been working on.

Posted by Daniel Radosh


There are no journalists, anymore, just people who regurgitate press releases.

The Lollipop Girls in Hard Candy was a big midnight hit at the Waverly Theater in the early 90s, lines stretching down the block,when it was edited down and shown as M-3D. I recall the Voice reporting that people would scream "Poison! Poison!" at John Holmes' into-the-camera money shot.

Dr. Tongue's 3D House of Stewardesses, 'nuff said.

The director himself seems pretty non-committal about his claim to history. "'The 3D erotica will probably be the world's first,' he told the Sunday Morning Post." I guess that's what happens when you do your Googling from China.

Speaking of poorly executed searches...

"The producer said he was planning to use adult video actresses from Japan and Taiwan. But he admitted having difficulties in finding the male lead.

"'We're having trouble finding a male lead who is willing to undress in front of the camera. It's a lot more difficult to find an actor than an actress for this kind of movie.'"

Oh women. They're such whores!

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