The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #247
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here for last week's results.
This week's prize: A signed copy of Shut Up, I'm Talking: And Other Diplomacy Lessons I learned in the Israeli Government
First place
"Yeah, that's the thing with Rate My Professor, you never really know who's trashin' ya. TurkeylovingRacist1956 could be anybody." —David John
Second place
"How come I'm in trouble for bringing a turkey to work and nobody gives a shit that you're in blackface?" —Charles
Third place
"Sure, a cup. I should have thought of that independently. Probably less chance of food poisoning and my coffee wont't taste of raw turkey so much. I'm more of a big-picture guy." —Abe
Honorable mention
"Think outside the box, huh? I'll show him thinking outside the fucking box. I'm living outside the god damn box now!" —Slack-a-gogo |
"The turkeys you get out of the office turkey machine just aren't as good as the ones from Turkeybucks." —Francis
"I guess I'd never really thought about it before, but now that you point it out, yes, I suppose that 'Take Your Defrosted, Uncooked Large Game Bird to Work Day' could just a cynical creation of the poultry-farming industry." —Tim C.
"I'm on my way to get a breast implant. Wish me luck, dawg!" —David F
"I wish I had a knife, a fork, and an Asian co-worker." —Urgh
"They're giving 'em away for free down at the county food bank. I thought your people knew all about that." — Joshua
"I fully admit my large turkey tie clasp is, by definition, a clip-on." —LV
"My wife said I never surprise her with gifts anymore, so I'm giving her salmonella." —Ellie
"You know what they say:
Tiny hands, tiny cup of coffee.
Slightly larger hands, dead chicken.
Either way, slope-shouldered, dick-less and holding a piece of paper.
Am I right?" —djack
"It's a good thing there are no bla - ...oh, shit." —Vance
Comments
"Hey Eugene! I'm about to say something racist."
Posted by: TMo | November 17, 2008 10:24 AM
(Addressing the fourth wall) "What? It's for our company Thanksgiving luncheon. Go caption something else."
Posted by: Damon | November 17, 2008 10:30 AM
I can't talk about it now I said...no, I'm just not ready yet...don't push me Johnson, I'm warning you...
Posted by: simsburybear | November 17, 2008 10:30 AM
"Our babysitter called in sick today."
Posted by: Deborah | November 17, 2008 10:31 AM
OK, if you must know - he said *sob*...the turkey...turkey stuffing...he took the turkey and *aahh* I can't! I can't go on...
Posted by: simsburybear | November 17, 2008 10:32 AM
Anyway...the upshot is, if we want our bonus this year...well, you know...
Posted by: simsburybear | November 17, 2008 10:34 AM
"Those parrots were really bugging me. Now you're bugging me, too. I'm just saying."
Posted by: Deborah | November 17, 2008 10:35 AM
How come I'm in trouble for bringing a turkey to work and nobody gives a shit that you're in blackface?
Posted by: Charles | November 17, 2008 10:38 AM
Citizens! Don't end up alone and mascara-ed like Johnson next to me. Make next week's "Take Your Turkey To Work Day" sparkle!
Posted by: Mike Mariano | November 17, 2008 10:41 AM
"It doesn't seem fair that we get stuck with stuffing the company turkey every single year, just because we happen to have tiny, tiny mutant hands."
"I guess I'd never really thought about it before, but now that you point it out, yes, I suppose that 'Take Your Defrosted, Uncooked Large Game Bird to Work Day' could just a cynical creation of the poultry-farming industry."
"My wife says, if I can carry it around for a week without dropping it, then maybe we can have a baby."
Posted by: Tim C. | November 17, 2008 10:46 AM
"Why did the chicken cross the road, have its head crushed by a passing car, wind up as my lunch? P.C. Vey's incompetent use of perspective, that's why."
Posted by: J | November 17, 2008 10:46 AM
"Now that we're about to go into this meeting with the boss, I'm wishing I had refrained from wearing my hilarious 'Uncooked Turkey' tie."
Posted by: Vance | November 17, 2008 10:52 AM
"Yeah, right. Like I would know anything about the Georgia Guidestones."
Posted by: R.C. | November 17, 2008 10:54 AM
"You ever get the feeling someone is out there, somewhere, watching us? It's creepy."
"Boy, that was fast! Welcome to New Yorker cartoons, black people!"
Posted by: Vance | November 17, 2008 10:56 AM
"Sure, a cup. I should have thought of that independently. Probably less chance of food poisoning and my coffee wont't taste of raw turkey so much. I'm more of a big-picture guy."
Posted by: Abe | November 17, 2008 10:56 AM
"I'm on my way to get a breast implant. Wish me luck, dawg!"
Posted by: David F | November 17, 2008 11:08 AM
"Check it out - this black mime will follow me everywhere as long as I'm holding this thing."
Posted by: Damon | November 17, 2008 11:15 AM
247?
Posted by: David F | November 17, 2008 11:19 AM
"The turkeys you get out of the office turkey machine just aren't as good as the ones from Turkeybucks."
Posted by: Francis | November 17, 2008 11:35 AM
“That’s right, Dexter. FDR couldn’t dunk.”
Posted by: dwilk | November 17, 2008 11:44 AM
"No, you're the jive turkey...no, you're the jive turkey...no, you're the..." (becomes inaudible)
Posted by: Francis | November 17, 2008 11:44 AM
D'oh. Pretend I closed that last html tag.
Posted by: Francis | November 17, 2008 11:44 AM
My community theater group is doing a production of "Eraserhead", although I question the whole holiday musical direction we're taking with it. Still, it's for the kids.
Posted by: therblig | November 17, 2008 11:57 AM
I'm so tired of the boss's lame "here comes white meat and dark meat" joke every time we go to a meeting that I'm going to tell him to take the whole fucking bird and shove it up his ass. Sorry if I take you down with me, but it has to be done.
Posted by: therblig | November 17, 2008 12:02 PM
"For the last time, Jackson, I'm gonna BOIL it !"
Posted by: Anonymous | November 17, 2008 12:03 PM
-- 'No matter whether the country follows the flag,[The New Yorker] follows the election results'. --
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | November 17, 2008 12:19 PM
[CAP THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUNNIER A MONTH AGO:]
"The old man wants me to dress her and get her prepped for the debates."
Posted by: al in la | November 17, 2008 12:30 PM
I swear that he said I was going to be put in charge of a turn-key operation
Posted by: bad dad | November 17, 2008 12:58 PM
My friend Bruce has cancer. This chicken does not. So I'm going to cook Bruce for dinner, and throw this chicken at a small child.
Posted by: James Corliss | November 17, 2008 1:10 PM
"Just brilliant, Jackson ! As we 'have known the eyes already, known them all -The eyes that fix [us] in a formulated phrase, And when [we] are formulated, sprawling on a pin, When [we] are pinned and wriggling on a wall, Then how should [we] begin...... ?! - Why,with a frickin' raw, uncooked whole chicken, of course !"
Posted by: Sam L.. | November 17, 2008 1:10 PM
"Well after Prop 8, we're just going to have to be a little more adventurous Jeffrey"
Posted by: Donny | November 17, 2008 1:11 PM
"No, it's a capon. Fat and castrated like an AIG executive."
Posted by: Kosmicki | November 17, 2008 1:24 PM
"No, it's a headless fetus. You see, my wife... you know what, it's a long story."
Posted by: DanMc | November 17, 2008 1:32 PM
"I'm going to cook it later."
"Black folks get coffee, white folks get uncooked turkeys. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose."
Posted by: Rubrick | November 17, 2008 1:47 PM
"The trick is, you thread it over the donkey's penis so you just get the tip."
Posted by: Kosmicki | November 17, 2008 1:48 PM
"So you guys get the Presidency and the white man gets a turkey."
"Because Butterball hates black people."
"Oh shit, I wonder what the hell I put in the oven."
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 17, 2008 1:56 PM
"Dude! You forgot to bring a turkey?!?! You'll be lucky if you don't get fired on the spot!"
Posted by: John Tabin | November 17, 2008 2:00 PM
"It's hard to fly like an eagle when you work with a turkey."
Posted by: npm | November 17, 2008 2:00 PM
"I told you: my boss is a cotton-pickin' finger-lickin' chicken plucker. No offense about the cotton pickin'"
"The vet couldn't save him; I just am not ready to let him go."
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 17, 2008 2:00 PM
" 'Clip-on' this, 'clip-on' that from Emmanuel ! This'll show the prick ! ...You coming ?"
Posted by: Sam L.. | November 17, 2008 2:01 PM
"Kissed a turkey and it was sweet / It was just like kissing meat / Kissed a turkey won't change the work-y / But I'm still glad I kissed a turkey."
Posted by: Vance | November 17, 2008 2:08 PM
i carry this around to make my belt buckle look smaller
Posted by: WildGirlsGone | November 17, 2008 2:15 PM
"I don't care what my turkey says. I wanna be a supermodel."
Posted by: John Tabin | November 17, 2008 2:17 PM
This one's going to close the deal on the Butterball account for sure - "I'm an L-Trypto-Fan". It can't miss.
Posted by: therblig | November 17, 2008 2:17 PM
Jesus Steve, your hideous eye scar scared the feathers off my wife!
Posted by: WildGirlsGone | November 17, 2008 2:19 PM
You've got a big sleeve there.
Posted by: Melissa | November 17, 2008 2:22 PM
I'm not going to ask why you didn't call, Ned, but I am going to ask why you unloaded 30 fucking staples into my turkey.
Posted by: WildGirlsGone | November 17, 2008 2:24 PM
"This just oughta distract everybody away from that 'spot' drug-test of yours, Tavis. ..Best I can do, 'prissy'."
Posted by: Sam L.. | November 17, 2008 2:32 PM
"Yes, I did my undergrad at Perdue. Why do you ask?"
Posted by: mypalmike | November 17, 2008 2:40 PM
"Looks like they'd have taken down all that 9/11 'Have you seen so-and so ?', by now."
Posted by: Anonymous | November 17, 2008 2:50 PM
"Carl, please take this chicken to accounting."
Posted by: mypalmike | November 17, 2008 2:50 PM
They call it a "Turpoopin." It's stuffed with its own feces.
Posted by: LK | November 17, 2008 2:52 PM
And that's when I showed her my L face. L!
Posted by: Adam G | November 17, 2008 2:54 PM
"'Spread the wealth around'? 'Put a chicken in every pot'? I have five words for you: From my cold, dead hands, you fucking socialist! Or, no, wait, I guess it's eight words."
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | November 17, 2008 2:55 PM
The triptophan is good for my detached retina.
It's a seeing eye turkey-so it's allowed.
The turkey farm accident really changed my outlook.
Posted by: Raeford Perdue | November 17, 2008 3:06 PM
It's the Thighsman Trophy.
Dressing is the key to success here in our firm.
I'm doing a special Cajun marinade injection-my name's Thibodeaux & I'm
lonely.
Posted by: JoePat Jimbob | November 17, 2008 3:10 PM
Poultry in motion..
Posted by: Chick N. Cooper | November 17, 2008 3:12 PM
Dunham's doing Achmed the Dead Terrorist in the next room. I had to get Waddles, the Stuffed Turkey Carcass away from him. I was afraid he'd talk.
Posted by: Vin Triloquist | November 17, 2008 3:14 PM
L if I know why I'm lugging a Butterball.
Posted by: Lash Larue Whippingboy | November 17, 2008 3:16 PM
"Yeah, you so 'high horse' about it ! ..Word is Vey had you measured for watermelon, when The World Brotherhood League intervened !"
Posted by: Sam L.. | November 17, 2008 3:18 PM
The lieutenant suspects fowl play.
Posted by: Revive S Again | November 17, 2008 3:18 PM
The surgeon suggests I have it removed as a child, but I just grew accustomed to it.
Posted by: N Capsulated Gemelo | November 17, 2008 3:21 PM
My parents couldn't afford a pacifier.
Posted by: Significantly Deviated | November 17, 2008 3:24 PM
"You know what I'd like for Christmas? A copy of 'Shut Up, I'm Talking: And Other Diplomacy Lessons I learned in the Israeli Government'. I heard it's a great read."
Posted by: Donny | November 17, 2008 3:26 PM
Oi vey!It is a kosher turkey...
Posted by: Rabid Rabbi | November 17, 2008 3:28 PM
"I'm supposed to treat it just like I would a regular child. Except I'm not meant to stuff it."
Posted by: Donny | November 17, 2008 3:28 PM
“Let me ‘splain something to you, La Shawn. White men can’t jump, but they don’t fumble the turkey either.”
Posted by: dwilk | November 17, 2008 3:30 PM
If I drop this, can you help me -Steppenfechit?
Posted by: Anonymous | November 17, 2008 3:34 PM
Nice to have some dark meat here at Giblets, Gravy and Neckbone.
Posted by: Crandall Berry | November 17, 2008 3:38 PM
"What's to wonder ? Someone told Vey MUDDLING was a lost art."
Posted by: Anonymous | November 17, 2008 3:42 PM
There's a note on the board that says I fucked Shirley?
Posted by: bill | November 17, 2008 3:46 PM
If this doesn't help me quit smoking, I'll probably try Nicorette. That or meth.
Posted by: Jared | November 17, 2008 3:49 PM
"I'm just saying, Tavistock, wouldn't it be hell to grow up in two-dimensional, chicken-coop space like a damn chicken ! ..I mean, 'gone to a better world', what ?!"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | November 17, 2008 4:02 PM
"Yeah, that's the thing with Rate My Professor, you never really know who's trashin' ya. TurkeylovingRacist1956 could be anybody."
Posted by: David John | November 17, 2008 4:03 PM
Is there something about my face that makes you think I'm going to fuck this bird? Three out of four people that see me make some crack about my fucking this bird.
Posted by: Charles | November 17, 2008 4:08 PM
"It ain't a Tom turkey, and you ain't no Robert Downey Jr."
Posted by: dwilk | November 17, 2008 4:29 PM
"I work on this 'The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest' 24/7. As most of the entries are completely uninformed by the delicious and subtly delineated rules I carefully composed long ago, what started as a lark has become an onerous chore, sapping my strength, my hope and my will to live. Now, if you can work 'delicious', 'lark' and something about 'hope' being the thing without feathers into some sort of lame and obvious explanation for this bird in my hand, so that I can be amused by just one f#@%ing caption, you can win a book.
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 17, 2008 4:42 PM
"Hey, who made all these little dents in my full-size replica Thor helmet?"
"Look, one way or another, I'm thrusting my fist into an anal cavity at lunch today. So it would be in your best interest to drop the subject."
"Why does everyone that walks oast us ask, 'I'll bet you're having the DARK meat,' and then start snickering?"
Posted by: Trout Almondine | November 17, 2008 4:44 PM
Oh yeah? Well I can tell you from experience that it's warmer and wetter than your wife.
Posted by: pessimist | November 17, 2008 4:59 PM
"Since I don't have a daughter, I celebrate 'Take your Poultry to Work' day."
"What a surprise- I prefer white meat and you stick with black coffee."
"It's for tomorrow- you know, casual fry-day."
Posted by: LV | November 17, 2008 5:07 PM
"I'm going to go pork the other white meat."
Posted by: mypalmike | November 17, 2008 5:09 PM
It's worth two in the bush or 5.7 to a Fannie Mae mortgage appraiser.
Why did I cross the road?
I couldn't this chicken carcass off my member.
You can be my Little John & I'll be your Frier Tuck.
Posted by: Poultry Exchange Rate Analyst | November 17, 2008 5:21 PM
The Cornish Hen wasn't game so I plucked the turkey.
She gave me goose flesh.
Goosebumps by RL Stein-Carcass Set.
If the boss gooses me one more time, I'm going to HR.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 17, 2008 5:26 PM
Laugh now, but when the old man says "What I need now is a partially thawed turkey" - BAM! I'm in a corner office and my little friend here gets his giblets tossed!
Posted by: Slack-a-gogo | November 17, 2008 6:08 PM
I wish I had a knife, a fork, and an Asian co-worker.
Posted by: Urgh | November 17, 2008 6:11 PM
"...so she says 'you're as romantic as a chicken with it's head cut off off' and so i says 'oh, yeah, well you just lie there during sex like a decapitated bird with its legs spread open'"
Posted by: Julia | November 17, 2008 6:27 PM
"and I'm all like, hell, I've never seen a chicken with so much 2nd day stubble on it but I'll be damned if that skin isn't smoother than the old wife's gams, so I says, "hell, who cares if it's frozen and has no personality. this little bird is open for business. what do those homeless people need with a free turkey dinner anyway."
Posted by: Alex | November 17, 2008 6:33 PM
"...so she says 'you're as romantic as a chicken with it's head cut off off' and so i says 'oh, yeah, well you just lie there during sex like a decapitated bird with its legs spread open,' see, like this"
Posted by: Julia | November 17, 2008 6:37 PM
Hannibal over in shipping made this for lunch. It tastes a little off, though.
Posted by: Dan | November 17, 2008 6:45 PM
"They're giving 'em away for free down at the county food bank. I thought your people knew all about that."
Posted by: Joshua | November 17, 2008 6:49 PM
"i can't stand the in-laws around the holidays either. my wife insists on inviting her family over every Thanksgiving but I finally figured something out. I'm going to dress this bird up in a small cardigan and pair of corduroy pants that I bought at baby Gap. Then, I'm going to top it off with a paper mache head I've been making in my cubicle that looks just like her father. Once the wife yells 'Turkey's done!' I'm going to whip out this bad boy, start-up my new electric carving knife, and WHAM! carve the heck out of the old bird...Tyrone?...Tyrone???"
Posted by: Dirk | November 17, 2008 6:53 PM
"Last night during foreplay I told my new girlfriend that sushi is my favorite food so she packs me this raw turkey for lunch. I guess that's what happens when you date 12 year olds."
Posted by: Dirk | November 17, 2008 7:06 PM
"listen, buddy, I wouldn't worry about what's wrong with me holding a perfectly good turkey. I'm more worried about what's going on with that smudged mascara under your right eye."
Posted by: Big Baby Jesus | November 17, 2008 7:14 PM
"I'm one nose and a couple of trapezoids from being a Picasso and you're worried about a frozen turkey."
Posted by: Mort drucker | November 17, 2008 7:22 PM
"This turkey was just lying in the fridge all alone and it reminded me of me. I'm bringing it back to my desk to be my muse for a series of hand turkey drawings. If I had a set of opposable thumbs I'd probably shoot myself."
Posted by: Big Baby Jesus | November 17, 2008 7:24 PM
"I have to take it everywhere I go. Otherwise, it won't let me fuck it."
Posted by: MisterHippity | November 17, 2008 7:26 PM
"Because the smell of the rotting meat reminds me of death. Why do you carry that coffee cup around?"
Posted by: MisterHippity | November 17, 2008 7:30 PM
"Ahhh! My eye! It's moving off my face again! Grab it, quick, before it gets away!"
Posted by: MisterHippity | November 17, 2008 7:33 PM
"I have a confession to make. I wrote "P.C.VEY" on a floor tile. It was an act of rebellion ... but also a cry for help."
Posted by: MisterHippity | November 17, 2008 7:37 PM
"Carl, your penchant for drinking coffee out of super tiny cups really fucking pisses me off. Why can't you be more normal like me?"
Posted by: Shakey Bob Willis | November 17, 2008 8:54 PM
"Since the old man's has pulled rank and forwarded our calendars way the hell into Spring of 2010 in this asinine fashion, only because ,after all, a few of us wiseacres have occasionally twitted him for mis-dating correspondence , I will arbitrarily carry this plucked chicken about with me the rest of the day as a kind of protest. ..What's the matter ? Why are you staring ?"
Posted by: Sam L.. | November 17, 2008 9:11 PM
"Sambo not kill white man. Sambo take this chicken"
Posted by: elad-vav | November 17, 2008 9:18 PM
In my opinion, best anti-caption ever:
"Nigger."
Posted by: elad-vav | November 17, 2008 9:20 PM
"I fully admit my large turkey tie clasp is, by definition, a clip-on."
Posted by: LV | November 17, 2008 9:32 PM
"So then I said, 'If you can get your arm all the way inside her up to your elbow, I'll give you a turkey.' Long story short, I had two turkeys before last night."
Posted by: Frank | November 17, 2008 9:52 PM
"My wife said I never surprise her with gifts anymore, so I'm giving her salmonella."
-
"I always thought there was no such thing as an ugly baby, but here we are."
Posted by: Ellie | November 17, 2008 10:01 PM
"The hours here are obscene. That's why I brought this chicken to microwave for dinner."
Posted by: Steve_O | November 17, 2008 10:22 PM
“No, no, this is a fattened, plucked chicken, and NOT the head of Bill O’Reilly. But don’t worry, it’s an easy mistake.”
Posted by: Steve_O | November 17, 2008 10:23 PM
“Yep, got me $10K of stem cells right here. Thank god the dems finally legalized partial birth you-know-what.”
Posted by: Mork | November 17, 2008 10:24 PM
Oh, don't cry -- I had figured that once word got out about the emergency cancer surgery that people would get rather upset, so I selected this novelty colostomy bag. And if you'll excuse me, I really must visit the lavatory or else the joke will be on me. And by "joke," I'm referring to my own feces.
Posted by: Jason Olshefsky | November 17, 2008 10:33 PM
"Let's just say that I came before the chicken AND the egg."
----------
"I don't think that temp agency is going to be sending over any more fucking chickens anytime soon!"
----------
"Her parents think she can do better than a receiving clerk and my parents think that I can do better than a frozen hen, but the sex is too good to quit now."
----------
"...and if I'm wrong the worse thing that happens is that the copier smells like chicken for a few days. No harm, now fowl."
----------
"That's funny, where I come from you're a pervert if you DON'T try it at least once."
----------
"...and then he was going to tell the farmer everything. What the hell was I supposed to do?"
----------
"It'll be just like the Godfather, but with a god damn chicken instead of a fish!"
----------
"Think outside the box, huh? I'll show him thinking outside the fucking box. I'm living outside the god damn box now!"
Posted by: Slack-a-gogo | November 17, 2008 11:37 PM
"How monkey is your chicken, how moose is your goose? You're an African-Canadian right? I love offending you people."
Posted by: Kosmicki | November 18, 2008 12:07 AM
Hey Shlomo, stuffing this turkey is even better than stuffing your wife.
Fuck off, Asok. You don't get this turkey just because you have starving relatives.
Posted by: SamnSean | November 18, 2008 12:19 AM
I don't mean to make a fuss, but I think they may have given me decaf.
Posted by: Jacob(haha) | November 18, 2008 12:34 AM
"No, I don't think "Take Your Child To Work Day" has gone to far."
Posted by: znufrii | November 18, 2008 12:43 AM
In a moment of terror, Bill realized where Tommy had been since last night.
----
Triptoblackophobia: The fear of walking with a friend through an office building and realizing you left your second turkey at home.
----
"Well, my wife gets the kids for Thanksgiving, so... you take the victories as they come.
Posted by: Jacob | November 18, 2008 12:52 AM
Ok, Bill. I confess. There is no turkey -- I spiked your coffee with acid this morning.
Posted by: sevenmoreminutes | November 18, 2008 12:55 AM
"It's a good thing there are no bla - ...oh, shit."
Posted by: Vance | November 18, 2008 1:06 AM
Popped the turkey into the oven before I left for work. Now all I gotta do is drop Junior here off at daycare.
Posted by: Steve_O | November 18, 2008 2:04 AM
"Here's the kicker--little 7 lb. 6 oz. Katie is roasting at 325 because her belly button looks like a pop up timer!"
Posted by: dwilk | November 18, 2008 2:16 AM
"Here at Chase we fill our bank branches with highly visible, low level tellers and customer service reps from the Caribbean, hoping that this will keep the public from noticing our executive offices are lily white, and that it took us forever to acknowledge we acquired companies that had realized huge profits from the slave trade, and then only after boycotts, lawsuits and general bad press generated by black student groups. You are from Tamil Nadu, Manju, and thus darker than most African Americans; however, you people are still classified as caucasian, some even say "Aryan," so your presence here at Chase headquarters does not offend us in the least."
Posted by: J.D. | November 18, 2008 2:26 AM
"It's a new Holiday tradition the company's trying out. Each year, a different race of employees is gonna get a free turkey . . . They're starting with white."
Posted by: David John | November 18, 2008 2:45 AM
"I often wonder why in the 21st century we in the United States still wipe our anuses with toilet paper after defecation, leaving a good bit of noisome -- not to say uncomfortable -- dried fecal matter clinging to the outside of our bodies and soiling our undergarments."
Posted by: J.D. | November 18, 2008 3:58 AM
"So my eye has someplace to land, basically."
Posted by: Kyle | November 18, 2008 4:13 AM
This bulletin board is supposed to be for posting announcements and carpool information, why would someone fill it with a bunch of blank, lined sheets of paper?
Posted by: BlackGuardian | November 18, 2008 7:27 AM
"Yeah, that is kind of strange, isn't it?"
Posted by: Vlad | November 18, 2008 7:39 AM
If you wanted some of my turkey you should have at least ordered a venti.
Posted by: Charles | November 18, 2008 10:23 AM
"I'm haunted by the faces of my chickens."
Posted by: Francis | November 18, 2008 10:32 AM
"You have much to learn about how the White House works, Mr. President."
Posted by: Joshua | November 18, 2008 11:42 AM
"So she finally lets me watch a football game, and there's one of those stupid interest stories about how the rookie who fumbled has to carry a football everywhere he goes and he has to sleep with it and take it in the shower and everything, and so - you know where this is going, oh, I'll tell you anyway - so she says to me that since I exploded the Thanksgiving turkey last year in the deep fat fryer - how the hell was I supposed to know I had to defrost it? - anyway, this thing is starting to stink, isn't it?
Posted by: Glenn | November 18, 2008 11:44 AM
"All he said was come to my office with your timecard, your turkey and your black sidekick...This can't be good."
Posted by: al in la | November 18, 2008 1:29 PM
I knew butterball was a bird. But a verb! Furcockt! And with such small hands.
Posted by: Tyler | November 18, 2008 1:37 PM
"She said she wanted my cock, I told her it was dead, and she said take it to an E.D. specialist, so that's where I'm headed now. New relationships are confusing. Can I borrow your alarm clock?"
Posted by: Captain Assclown | November 18, 2008 4:41 PM
"Certainly not! The domestication of 'Gallus gallus domesticus' first occurred in Southeast Asia, specifically the Indus Valley --but your people may claim the watermelon in a certain sense, accepting the following disclaimer that the first recorded harvest of 'Citrullus lanatus' took place in Egypt in the time of the first Pharoahs. ...Alright, stare all you like Buford, but yet keep in mind that Alzheimer's is 'rara avis' in my family...'Dementia senilis'..any of that."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | November 18, 2008 5:13 PM
Parts is parts, pal. Besides, getting off with a blow-up doll would be a little too weird, don't you think?
Posted by: Weller | November 18, 2008 5:35 PM
Hey! Quit staring! I don't rip on you for dating fat white chicks.
Posted by: Mork | November 18, 2008 7:42 PM
I warned her not to use that cheap Chinese birth control, but the little lady just doesn't listen!
Posted by: Steve_O | November 18, 2008 8:45 PM
Potluck? What potluck?
Posted by: Steve_O | November 18, 2008 8:46 PM
"Boss said microwave this turkey and get it to Cratchit in accounting. Say, isn't he a friend of yours?"
Posted by: mort drucker | November 18, 2008 11:04 PM
"People have a difficult time meeting my gaze so they give me turkey instead."
Posted by: Anonymous | November 18, 2008 11:07 PM
"As a suffering of roving eye socket I'm the recepient of odd random gifts."
Posted by: Mort drucker | November 18, 2008 11:11 PM
"As a SUFFERER of radical roving right eye socket I find the need to have a conversational prop at all times."
"I like to marinate my Butterballs in armpit sweat for several hours."
"As a Muslim I would imagine you have a lot to be thankful for."
Posted by: mort drucker | November 18, 2008 11:19 PM
"When Jesus and the Angel Moroni heal this chicken, you give up the joe. Deal?"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | November 18, 2008 11:54 PM
"Common misconception. It's a small dead musk ox--one rarely sees them nude."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | November 18, 2008 11:55 PM
"Tonto, it's not that I don't appreciate your effort--but a silver pullet?"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | November 18, 2008 11:58 PM
"Quick! Go long!"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | November 19, 2008 12:00 AM
"Will coffee take schmaltz stains out of silk ties? Walk with me."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | November 19, 2008 12:02 AM
"Patel, I've decided to spend the afternoon in the small conference room with Henrietta, trying on nice little outfits. We'll do your ninety day review Thursday. Capice?"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | November 19, 2008 12:08 AM
"Some chickens out in front of the lobby were selling candy bars, trying to raise money for their team uniforms. So I killed them and ate them (except this one, Denny, whom I'm giving to Betty in HR.)
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | November 19, 2008 12:14 AM
"What? You've never seen a holiday-themed novelty tie clip before?"
Posted by: al in la | November 19, 2008 2:24 AM
Why? Because the time for meaningless gestures has past."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | November 19, 2008 2:27 AM
"Give a Negro a turkey and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to hold up a 7 Eleven and he will eat for a week."
Posted by: dwilk | November 19, 2008 7:21 AM
"She found the text messages and just lost it. Shoved the turkey at me, said I could have Thanksgiving in the gutter and just threw me out of the house.... Oh, god, what have I done? I've lost her forever. She...she hates me now. Jesus christ, I just want to die."
Posted by: Ali L. | November 19, 2008 8:16 AM
Do you think Andy Rooney's eyebrows are naturally like that? Or does he use gel and a hairdryer?
Posted by: bill | November 19, 2008 9:15 AM
" '3-D ! Hey,3-D !' You get that ? Where's the respect ? ..Freakin' retards in 'culinary arts' !"
Posted by: Von Go | November 19, 2008 10:32 AM
"With very few exceptions, artists from the Renaissance period up to the present, by combining the technical devices of foreshortening and linear perspective, have been capable of recreating a realistic sense of three-dimensional space. Now finish your damn coffee and take this chicken back so I can get on to 'Fine Arts'...'Mr. Kitchen' !"
Posted by: Anonymous | November 19, 2008 11:04 AM
Some old geezer gave me half a crown to deliver this to the Cratchits. I'll get to it when I get to it.
Posted by: John L | November 19, 2008 1:41 PM
Yeah, you just have to convince the food bank that you need it. Dude, you could get one easily. You're black.
Posted by: Drew | November 19, 2008 2:05 PM
I like black men just like I like my turkey...raw
Posted by: Big Baby Jesus | November 19, 2008 2:44 PM
Something on my tie? Did I get it off?
Posted by: Charles | November 19, 2008 3:11 PM
"I hate my job."
Posted by: Richard H | November 19, 2008 3:22 PM
"Sorry for not getting back to you, Seymour. I forgot the cranberries so my wife stuffed by Blackberry in this turkey's ass."
Posted by: Richard H | November 19, 2008 3:24 PM
should read:
"Sorry for not getting back to you, Seymour. I forgot the cranberries so my wife stuffed my Blackberry in this turkey's ass."
Posted by: Richard H | November 19, 2008 3:25 PM
"Everyone uses Powerpoint, Henry. I find it makes a bigger impression when I pull my presentation from the ass of a turkey."
Posted by: Richard H | November 19, 2008 3:28 PM
"So I told her, 'that's not the sky that's falling, that's my ax.' "
Posted by: Gray | November 19, 2008 4:26 PM
"Yes, I'm fucking a chicken."
Posted by: The J Man | November 19, 2008 4:28 PM
Rayfield's skeletal remains have been back in that cubicle for almost a year and no one noticed till I tried to give him the Thanksgiving bonus turkey.
Posted by: Boy from Brazil | November 19, 2008 5:00 PM
40 lashes for the next person who says we're neither highbrow nor lowbrow.
We singed our lashes and brows in a terrible turkey fryer incident.
Dick-Don't look at me all cock-eyed!
Posted by: Lidsville Psychoactive | November 19, 2008 5:04 PM
This bowel movement is the closest thing I'll ever have to a son.
Posted by: Dan in MPLS | November 19, 2008 5:56 PM
The best thing about working for Mr. Purdue is all the free chickens. Of course, they're a little messy after he's had his way with them.
Posted by: Mork | November 19, 2008 7:56 PM
"Wait a minute...if its, 'bring your daughter to work day,' and I brought the turkey instead of my daughter, and my wife is home roasting the turkey for dinn- OH MY GOD."
Posted by: Milo | November 19, 2008 8:30 PM
"No, I don't have spare change."
Posted by: Milo | November 19, 2008 8:33 PM
"Don't cry, Bill. It felt good to finally tell someone the story. At least my beloved conjoined twin Henrietta wasn't cursed with the protruding right eyeball. By the way, I love your belt. Where did you get it?"
Posted by: djack | November 19, 2008 8:42 PM
"And then we honeymooned in Vegas but unfortunately the hotel maid mistook her for a chicken, chopped off her head and then plucked all her feathers."
Posted by: Dave | November 19, 2008 8:59 PM
"You know what they say:
Tiny hands, tiny cup of coffee.
Slightly larger hands, dead chicken.
Either way, slope-shouldered, dick-less and holding a piece of paper.
Am I right?"
Posted by: djack | November 19, 2008 9:03 PM
"It looks ridiculous for me to carry around this turkey, you say? Well excuse me for wanting some company the day after my child dies of SIDS. On his birthday. You're right, Bill, how silly of me."
Posted by: Milo | November 19, 2008 9:04 PM
"Contrary to what Simmons says, I'm a turkey plucker, goddammit! That's plucker with a PL."
Posted by: Dave | November 19, 2008 9:06 PM
"So I put in my dime and, well, this came out. What a fucking weird copy machine."
Posted by: Milo | November 19, 2008 9:07 PM
"Ooh, is that gravy you have? Because I just LOVE drinking gravy from a cup! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a turkey to sodomize!"
Posted by: Milo | November 19, 2008 9:14 PM
"Boy, do I feel stupid. I brought this in for Jenkins 'cause he wanted to have a good ol' 'Turkey Stomp,' and only now does he tell me it's supposed to still be alive."
Posted by: Vance | November 19, 2008 10:59 PM
"Let's talk Turkey here. Or Hungry. Or Grease. Or Chili. Get it? They're countries, yeah. There should be a country called Sweet Potato. Cranberry Sauce. Cranberry Sauce is what Lennon says at the end of I Am the Walrus. Not I Buried Paul. There should be a country called I Buried Paul. You have really tiny hands. Is that why you use that tiny cup? I'll bet you hate those man-sized pencils."
Posted by: Larry | November 19, 2008 11:00 PM
"You're Red Grange. You probably think there's clouds in your coffee. You're Red Grange."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | November 19, 2008 11:35 PM
"Mr. Scrooge told me to take it home and feed it to Tiny Tim. I didn't have the heart to tell him that... that Tiny Tim died last night."
Posted by: Richard | November 19, 2008 11:51 PM
"I couldn't help but notice you're carrying a cup of coffee."
Posted by: Dave | November 20, 2008 12:40 AM
"He flipped me the bird, so I ran with it."
Posted by: Dave | November 20, 2008 12:41 AM
"The boss says I have a lot of pluck. Is that a good thing?
Posted by: Anonymous | November 20, 2008 12:43 AM
Last week, "These boots were made for Christopher Walkin" was really funny.
Posted by: Kosmicki | November 20, 2008 12:47 AM
"Don't look now, but we're not being followed."
Posted by: Dave | November 20, 2008 12:50 AM
"The only thing I hate more than me carrying a naked turkey is me carrying a naked turkey in a cartoon."
Posted by: Anonymous | November 20, 2008 12:52 AM
"I know what you're thinking... I'm one sorry mother-plucker."
Posted by: Dave | November 20, 2008 12:55 AM
"It pecked off my eyebrows, so I killed it. What happened to yours?"
Posted by: Dave | November 20, 2008 1:00 AM
"Oh I do find stealing notices from the Missing Persons' Board so deliciously ironic! Now we shall toast our deviousness by eating this vegetarian chicken."
Posted by: Donny | November 20, 2008 6:08 AM
That watermelon yesterday was in poor taste, I know, so I bought you this fried chicken.
Posted by: Alan Weld | November 20, 2008 7:28 AM
"Let us give this poor creature's remains a decent burial."
Posted by: J.D. | November 20, 2008 8:11 AM
"I had sex with Nureyev in his prime."
Posted by: J.D. | November 20, 2008 8:18 AM
"Terrence, I really think you should drop this Michael Jackson thing, you look ridiculous. Besides, he only wore one white glove."
Posted by: djack | November 20, 2008 8:38 AM
"Hey, Barack, I'd like to be our ambassador to Turkey."
Posted by: jim M | November 20, 2008 10:42 AM
"Uh, look, Milton, when one of you has come so far workplace-wise as to adopt the 'Windsor', he should take caution to see that the tie falls to within no more than a half inch of the belt. ...I knew there was something when you walked in !"
Posted by: Anonymous | November 20, 2008 12:42 PM
"To be perfectly honest, I thought I, at least, had a shot in there with Allstate ...when by dressing this 10-pound 'broiler' in the manner I did, I must have relieved their people of any lingering doubts they may have had as to the quality and effectiveness of MY HANDS !"
Posted by: Sam L | November 20, 2008 1:14 PM
[What kind of nitwit thinks he can get a job in this economy ?!]
Posted by: Anonymous | November 20, 2008 1:22 PM
"Veni vidi holiday bonus o-leevio!"
Posted by: Chris | November 20, 2008 1:25 PM
Tyrone, I'm going to have to reiterate what was clearly stated in multiple memos, ____
_________
_________
_________
_____
I don't believe we can be more clear.!
Posted by: Great Communicator | November 20, 2008 3:32 PM
"Jealous?"
Posted by: Mike S. | November 20, 2008 3:56 PM
"Thank Christ I wore my striped tie or else everyone would say we're twins today."
Posted by: Mike S. | November 20, 2008 4:23 PM
Your hands appear more cafe au lait.
The boss said I would get the raise if I brought him some gray goose...
I got this great poultry dish over at the new hip fusion restaurant.
Posted by: Venticent Price $4.95 | November 20, 2008 5:15 PM
So this guy stormed in, gave me $5.00, tasered my chinchilla and the pet turkey, knocked my eye out of socket and said Christopher Walken will play my role in the screen adaption.
Posted by: R. Cain Referenz2LastWeek | November 20, 2008 5:19 PM
Rufus, How many times do we have to tell you to not wear the gloves at the tanning bed!
I would like to con"vey" that you and I are in the midst of artistic greatness- this "Memos in a Modernist World" painting
should be in the Louvred blinds back in that cubicle.
Posted by: Tanner Wells | November 20, 2008 5:25 PM
I won't keep you in the dark. You will be kept abreast of all developments.
I'm a leg man myself.
It was if some unseen hand posted all new memos showing the lines on all Vegas sports bets.
Posted by: Butterball 3, Strike 1 | November 20, 2008 5:31 PM
I've got a new slogan for our firm- "The Small Coffee and Turkey Scented Hands People"
Splendaed!
My wife said she preferred the turkey baster so turn about's fair play.
Posted by: Fur Tillity | November 20, 2008 5:36 PM
Larry, you're nose looks like L!
Rhinop_asty- and I said "Vanna,could I buy another consonant, it's right near the tip of my tongue! "Q" All I ended up was some lovely parting gifts for my hair and a turkey.
Posted by: Pat Don'tsayjack | November 20, 2008 5:42 PM
Damn the frozen turkey bombs, Full speed ahead!
How long have you been here at Cox, Pirt & Siemens?
Waiting for the spring thaw...
Posted by: Roaster | November 20, 2008 5:47 PM
The Colonel makes us sacrifice one everyday in the conference room.
Memo to self-Delineate!
So the proctologist said,
Don't worry. I've accidentally sat on frozen 22 lb turkeys and live gerbils as well.
Posted by: One Lash for the Slave's Left Eye | November 20, 2008 5:51 PM
Doesn't taste like chicken-more like a small protractor!
It was the last elephant trunk legged pheasant in the world and Cheney accidentally shot it when he missed his lawyer.
Posted by: V.P> Lameduck | November 20, 2008 5:55 PM
"Things are getting really weird around here. Did you see that levitating wastebasket in that room back there?"
Posted by: Dave | November 20, 2008 8:52 PM
I gotta hand it to ya... no, seriously, I GOTTA hand it to ya... so put down that coffee cup!"
Posted by: Anonymous | November 20, 2008 8:54 PM
"...why? what are you getting the boss for christmas?"
Posted by: Jason | November 20, 2008 9:10 PM
"Reggie my man, you doing the fonky turkey strut all wrong. You got to lead with your eyeball."
Posted by: mort drucker | November 20, 2008 9:54 PM
"Thanksgiving, like Columbus Day, really is a celebration of white racist domination and genocide."
Posted by: J.D. | November 21, 2008 12:12 AM
"The president can pardon a turkey. So pardon my turkey."
Posted by: Zooey | November 21, 2008 7:25 AM
"I am hereby protesting Sarah Palin's Alaskan 'turkey-pardon', as seen on YouTube. I planned to bring her in on a leash but the critter wouldn't cooperate."
Posted by: Anonymous | November 21, 2008 12:24 PM
'Stormy, husky, brawling, City of the Big Shoulders' ?
Posted by: Von Go | November 21, 2008 1:01 PM
Don't worry, there's no chance me holding a turkey will stop people from jumping at the chance to make racist cracks if there's a black person in the frame. The spotlight is yours.
Posted by: Douglas Harrison | November 21, 2008 1:59 PM
"He's dead, Jim."
Posted by: al in la | November 21, 2008 3:08 PM
"Stuff it."
Posted by: Dex | November 21, 2008 9:14 PM
"I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Sarah! I'm going to smoke another joint, feed the baby and then eat some of the turkey I've been cooking all day!... Wait a minute, This isn't my home... and Sarah... you are a black man!... and I don't cook!"
"There, behind you... A Memo with nothing written on it! I told you it was weird working here!"
"Oh, crap! My right eye has excaped again!"
"It started as an innocent mole on my left boob."
Posted by: Johnny V | November 21, 2008 9:29 PM
"Because if I let go, my turkey tie will strangle me."
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | November 21, 2008 10:23 PM
Man, we missed you at the Exophthalmos Support Group last week. This guy did a presentation about going to Mexico for the nebulized laetrile treatment. He even wore a native costume.
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | November 21, 2008 10:23 PM
"Thanks, Henry . Gee,I was thinking there was something really weird going on with my eyes, not to be able to make out those 'work needed' ads from halfway across the hall here ! But, hey, if even to one of you people, the 'Can you help me ?' appeals look to be so much crabbed scribbling, my worst fears are certainly put to rest. ..Thanks again."
Posted by: Anonymous | November 21, 2008 11:45 PM
"Hobby Lobby gots parts that'll turn this baby into a first rate set a bagpipes, you wait and see!"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | November 22, 2008 12:20 AM
Friends, Romans, countrymen lend us an ear!
You're not P.C.!
The shear audacity of removing the hair from the left side of my head and posting a memo over memo!
Posted by: Austin Healy III | November 22, 2008 2:59 AM
No off the cuff remarks from you!
Won the turkey shoot and the piss for distance...
I'm going to go shove this turkey up the Geico caveman's Neanderthal ass.
Posted by: Dennis Ted Kuczinski | November 22, 2008 3:07 AM
Chicken pocks...
Obama's damn mutt killed my pet chicken!
When you rub the breast, the neck nipple becomes tumescent.
We work together seamlessly.
Posted by: Elton Johns Cabana Boy | November 22, 2008 3:15 AM
You should have gone to the meat and greet!
Look ma, only two cavities!
This turkey walks into a club...
Solemn of Qantas, 007!
Posted by: Anonymous | November 22, 2008 3:22 AM
Could you check on my ear?
The large cups for whities are stored on the top shelf in back.
Reparations? He's beyond repair.
I need my capon.
Posted by: Bum Steer | November 22, 2008 3:28 AM
The new Starclucks in the lobby rocks!
You mean to tell me the boss said "turn-key" solution?
The boss said, "Get that Negro out of the coffee room and bring that turkey to me.
Posted by: Dan Rather Wouldn't | November 22, 2008 3:44 AM
"I love my dead, gay son!"
Posted by: firebus | November 22, 2008 3:45 AM
"Being vice president really sucks!"
Posted by: Anonymous | November 22, 2008 8:21 AM
"Jim, do you ever experience dizziness during foreplay? It happens to me so often I have a word for it, 'foretigo.' I get lightheaded almost as soon as I start to caress naked flesh. It's happening right now in fact. Would you mind keeping an eye on me while I have sex with this chicken? I'd hate to pass out in the break room and be found pantless inside an Oven-Stuffer Roaster. That would be embarassing."
Posted by: djack | November 22, 2008 9:51 AM
"'It's Thursday, Schmidt! Thursday isn't Chicken Day, Schmidt, it's Funny Hat Day, Schmidt!' So just like that I'm fired."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | November 22, 2008 11:12 AM
"I am on my way to the media center. You are in on a bit of history here, because I propose to introduce a new word to the vocabulary by employing this bird in a way which apparently has not escaped the imagination of today's male --but which has never before been so fittingly named, I believe, as by the word 'Necrofowlia'. ..So what do you think ?"
Posted by: Von Go | November 22, 2008 11:50 AM
"A 'heads-up' for you, Murphrees. 'Planters' is looking to reprise 'Mr. Peanut'. ..Could be little royalty in there for you."
Posted by: Von Go | November 22, 2008 1:25 PM
"Had a thought, Hoover. Let us just check whether Al-Sabiyah can walk about these premises to equal indifference."
Posted by: Von Go | November 22, 2008 2:34 PM
Video Dating Submission #1b5cef: Mike Conrad
"Although I may at first appear to be a virtual caricature of a normal, boring businessman, trust me baby I'm all about being different. I'm pretty much the only guy here who wears a striped tie, and wouldn't it be funny if I tried to drink out of this turkey? I mean instead of a coffee cup. Oh five seconds. Conrad: You've had the rest, now try Conr--"
Posted by: Morgan | November 22, 2008 5:48 PM
I couldn't tell if it was a hen or a rooster, but I fucked it anyway.
Posted by: Shawn | November 22, 2008 10:07 PM
Oh no you didn't! Turkey tried to play me. And now he's dead.
Mother always liked you best. I remember when she took you to the circus, but not me. She left me at home. She took Teddy and gave me Tom and ever since he's been my touchstone. Why did she give you power of attorney?
Posted by: Merc Driver | November 23, 2008 12:42 AM
It's the Tom Tom navigation system. You put a fresh young turkey under your arm and people tell you where to go, where to get off, where the nearest psych ward is,et cetera.
It's the Israeli attache.
Posted by: Vector Borge | November 23, 2008 12:48 AM
"When my mother warned me about the bad effects of choking the chicken, I didn't realize it was the chicken that would go blind."
Posted by: Bill B | November 23, 2008 8:16 AM
"These have been turning up all over Vegas lately. Toxicology and ballistics reports always negative, loose internal organs shoved back inside. I'm going to bring this down to doc in the morgue and pay a visit to Lady Heather and 'pump' her for information. Warrick, you go check out the new crime scene and mass grave in the freezer at Safeway. Better hurry- there's a shortcut through the alley."
Posted by: LV | November 23, 2008 10:57 AM
"Sure, I'll go home and really enjoy this turducken with my family, but by the time I've passed it through my system I'll face a hostile job market with few to no marketable skills."
Posted by: MShaw | November 23, 2008 12:58 PM
"Sure, I've pictured this scene a thousand times, but whenever I imagined it, you had the turkey and I had the ramekin of thousand-dollar espresso."
Posted by: MShaw | November 23, 2008 1:09 PM
"November 22, 2008 - November 22, 1963 ? Duh ! I should think it would be obvious to you why I called this turkey 'Earl Warren Bugliosi', poor brute. .. Following me to the media center ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | November 23, 2008 2:19 PM
"Bush refused to grant the traditional pardon. Something about trusting the will of the jury."
Posted by: Mork | November 23, 2008 4:00 PM
"This is the turkey Sarah Palin pardoned."
Posted by: Richard H | November 23, 2008 4:11 PM
"It's for the cover of Levey's next book: Turkey Cooking Lesson's I've Learned from PETA."
Posted by: al in la | November 23, 2008 7:26 PM
"My wife says that rubbing this on my shirt will help the coffee stain come out. Then again, she is a hateful bitch."
Posted by: Ed | November 23, 2008 9:08 PM
"What the hell, P.C. Vey?! How is it you can draw an acceptable turkey, yet somehow I've got one of my eyeballs sticking out the side of my head?"
Posted by: Ed | November 23, 2008 9:13 PM
"Apparently our artist thought Picasso had a 'frozen fowl' period. What a dumbass."
Posted by: Ed | November 23, 2008 9:26 PM
"We both like to carry our paperwork in our right hands! How funny!"
Posted by: Ed | November 23, 2008 9:27 PM
"I use this to distract people in staff meetings in case I get a spontaneous erection."
Posted by: Ed | November 23, 2008 9:29 PM
"Huh. . . . Well, where the fuck's the baby, then?"
Posted by: Galoux | November 24, 2008 12:15 AM
"Then he put it into my hands, and then . . . then Daddy went away. And that was that. I suppose I oughta . . . I mean, I know it's . . . but I just can't. Damn. Blow your harmonica, Frank."
Posted by: Bou | November 24, 2008 12:21 AM
So I was going over the specs when I noticed... Wait a second why the fuck am I holding this turkey?
Posted by: Ian | November 24, 2008 1:38 AM
"You're right, Sarah Palin did pardon it. But who takes anything she says seriously?"
Posted by: David T. | November 24, 2008 2:23 AM
Forget turkey on white bread, bring on the gams and cheese on pumpernickel.
The dancings girls might even be pump'er for 20. I'm having visions of longlegged beauties enjoying my sausage at the night time butcher job.
Posted by: Elvis Prescient | November 24, 2008 2:37 AM
"I wear mine down my right pants leg. Oh, you too?"
Posted by: J.D. | November 24, 2008 4:06 AM
Serge no longer served espresso with a twist of lemon at fancy art galleries. He cut meat. Brigitte slyly ignored the fresh meat and thought wistfully of Flave's meth encrusted tube steak.
Posted by: Gastineau's ex | November 24, 2008 5:34 PM
"It was either this or tiny little dancing women."
Posted by: Steve_O | November 24, 2008 8:34 PM
"Sure, always room for one more. My whole family voted for McCain though. Will that be too uncomfortable?"
Posted by: David John | November 25, 2008 3:30 AM