The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #159
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here for last week's results.
Winner
"So who wants abortions in their coffee? I know, I know, not Steve! Because [girly voice] 'Steve's not a monster anymore!' Hey, if he's not a monster anymore that musta been me raping my kids last night!" TG Gibbon
Finalists
"I knew I'd regret giving that Claes Oldenberg the secretary job...eh, but he gives good head." LK
"I've heard of a large cup of coffee, BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!" Trotman
Honorable mention
"Gentlemen, ladies, I ask you: Is there no uninteresting premise that can't be made funny with the addition of absurdly large household objects?" Joshua
"Linda, (5th from head of table, clockwise) best of luck with that chicken-shaped bald spot. It's looking much better today. On a related note, Jim, (7th from head of table clockwise) I know you're remorseful about hitting that Seagull with your car, but did you really have to bring it to the meeting?" djack
Comments
Okay everyone, get out your giant pencils that I sharpened for you a couple weeks ago.
Posted by: JohnnyB | September 1, 2008 8:11 AM
First on the agenda for the Columbian Coffee Cartel board meeting is.....wait, what the.... I smell tea. JOhnson - you're out.
Posted by: JohnnyB | September 1, 2008 8:15 AM
Then I feed the coffee to my cats and pick the beans out of their shit myself. Then I roast it myself. So, everyone, come on, drink up. Whaat? I washed my hands!
Posted by: JohnnyB | September 1, 2008 8:18 AM
This would explain last month's cafeteria bill. And why the Men's has been out of order since April.
Posted by: Donny | September 1, 2008 9:28 AM
Is that new secretary being a smartass, or is she just this fucking stupid?
Posted by: Steve_O | September 1, 2008 9:34 AM
Is that green tea? You pussy.
Posted by: Steve_O | September 1, 2008 9:34 AM
The first rule of giant coffee mug club is you do not talk about giant coffee mug club.
Posted by: Steve_O | September 1, 2008 9:36 AM
At 55 gallons, we're looking at about 450 pounds a mug. Good fucking luck lifting it.
Posted by: Steve_O | September 1, 2008 9:37 AM
I ordered a Coke.
Posted by: Steve_O | September 1, 2008 9:39 AM
All in favor of our new "One Beverage For Life" policy, fire a flare.
Posted by: boneguy | September 1, 2008 9:56 AM
First on the agenda: pricing. Gentlemen, it is steeping.
Wanna survive as a Senior VP at JP Morgan Chase? First four of you to devour the boiled remains of their Bear Stearns counterpart win the prize: to keep your fucking job. Puke and you're out. I'm joining in just for the pleasure.
"SAAAMMM !!!"
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | September 1, 2008 9:58 AM
In Soviet Union, cup of coffee downs you !!!
Posted by: Stan D. Payne | September 1, 2008 9:59 AM
"I love the smell of parrot stew in the morning. It smells like victory. Victory and leftovers."
Posted by: J | September 1, 2008 10:00 AM
A giant woman peered into our window and ordered them to go. Never mind that. The reason I've called this meeting is . . .
Posted by: Cletus Vidal | September 1, 2008 10:03 AM
"Well, drink deep the steaming shame, McCain 2008 Vice Presidential Exploratory Committee."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | September 1, 2008 10:03 AM
"Ladies and gentlemen, I called this meeting because I have reason to believe one of you is an English spy."
"People, let's try and keep this in perspective."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | September 1, 2008 10:08 AM
"Whoa, talk about 'tea-bagging.' You know what, let's not even go there."
"Thank God for these giant mugs, otherwise I'd be faced with all-a your ugly mugs, and that's no way to start a meeting."
Posted by: Mike F. | September 1, 2008 11:32 AM
"Gentlemen, ladies, I ask you: Is there no uninteresting premise that can't be made funny with the addition of absurdly large household objects?"
Posted by: Joshua | September 1, 2008 12:08 PM
"Okay, all the men, come over here and help me put some cream in my coffee."
Posted by: Anonymous | September 1, 2008 12:10 PM
"The hours suck, but at least the coffee mugs are obscenely big."
Posted by: Richard H | September 1, 2008 12:18 PM
Last one who has to go to the restroom is elected Chairman.
Posted by: JohnnyB | September 1, 2008 12:21 PM
"Does anyone need a bio break before we begin? Because I don't want to interrupt the meeting once we get started."
Posted by: Richard H | September 1, 2008 12:25 PM
"And after 2pm, we'll be able to get refills for just $2 plus tax."
Posted by: Richard H | September 1, 2008 12:25 PM
"So who wants abortions in their coffee? I know, I know, not Steve! Because [girly voice] 'Steve's not a monster anymore!' Hey, if he's not a monster anymore that musta been me raping my kids last night!"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | September 1, 2008 12:29 PM
"This Vice Presidential selection committee is now in session. No one wants Joe, Mitt or Tim. What was that gal's name again?"
Posted by: Richard H | September 1, 2008 12:30 PM
"As soon as the freight elevator gets here, we can add some sugar and get started."
Posted by: Richard H | September 1, 2008 12:31 PM
"Well, we are a bunch of big cunts after all."
Posted by: J.D. | September 1, 2008 12:53 PM
"This 'Wake the Fuck Up' campaign is supposed to get us all to fight the authoritarian takeover of the US. Too late."
Posted by: J.D. | September 1, 2008 1:03 PM
"So it's settled, the cups are not funny. And there is nothing we can say about them to make them funny. They suck. Suck worse than that burning desk marshmallow fete last month. Worse than that big ass pencil sharpener. They are less funny than if they were merely small. They are not funny, so very unfunny. Not funny at all."
Posted by: mort drucker | September 1, 2008 1:08 PM
"I've heard of a large cup of coffee, BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"
Posted by: Trotman | September 1, 2008 1:16 PM
"So it appears the new coffee-jacuzzi line is a bust. What a shock. Well at least we still have McCain-Palin."
Posted by: mort drucker | September 1, 2008 1:24 PM
"One more negative word from you Jenkins and I lift this table and douse you in boiling joe! Go ahead, you anti-big-cup douchebag. Trust me, no court in this giant corporate land will convict me for such a noble act!"
Posted by: mort drucker | September 1, 2008 1:41 PM
'Look everyone, I'm blowing ripples across the surface of my drink. 'Looks like a storm's a brewing in coffee land! Brewing. Get it? Aww come on people. Are you dead? Hey look, now Jesus is coming across the stormy sea. Maybe he will save us. Maybe he'll quell the waves and raise the dead. Starting with you all. SERIOUSLY."
Posted by: Anonymous | September 1, 2008 1:53 PM
"If everyone has attached their supplemental bladders, we will begin."
Posted by: mort drucker | September 1, 2008 1:55 PM
"How about that VP pick, huh? I think the dumb old bastard really shot himself in the fetus with that one. Pass the cream?"
Posted by: djack | September 1, 2008 2:00 PM
"This table is so low it's useless even to us tiny people. After coffee let's burn it and roast the buzzard on skewers."
Posted by: djack | September 1, 2008 2:09 PM
"I couldn't sleep a wink last night. Anyone else have that problem?"
"Gentlemen, I am alarmed at the cost the company spends on 'Half and Half'. I must encourage you to switch to 'Creamora' or Tea, like Smythe here!"
"It's amazing how much De-caffe one must drink to still get the buzz we need in the morning!"
"Okay... except for Williamson, we all agree: We like coffee!"
Posted by: Johnny V | September 1, 2008 2:21 PM
"They don't make coffee stirs this big, Cosgrove. Do what I do--use your dick!"
Posted by: dwilk | September 1, 2008 2:43 PM
"I see we all like it tall, black and smokin' hot...Yes, we are indeed Obama people."
Posted by: al in la | September 1, 2008 2:53 PM
I call this meeting of the Society of Absurd Liability Lawsuits to order.
Posted by: firebus | September 1, 2008 3:17 PM
"Let no one attempt to mock or ridicule our huge cups, because as you all know, every one of us was a POW, and we didn't havea single cup of coffee the whole time!!! ...Or, yes, Fred... or tea!"
Posted by: Vance | September 1, 2008 4:09 PM
"Shut up, Bob, everyone knows your tea bag's a clip-on."
"I had some dreams. They were clouds in my coffee. Clouds in my coffee. I wanted bigger dreams, so I got bigger coffee. I don't see how that makes me vain."
"Folks, you're all aware that we use giant mugs to compensate for our small penises. This leads me to wonder what's up with Marge and Stephanie there."
Posted by: Rubrick | September 1, 2008 5:04 PM
"Okay, get ready to dump these in your laps and scream!"
Posted by: Glenn | September 1, 2008 5:07 PM
"Welcome to the focus group. Our client is going to want to know your opinions about the hot beverages and serving... Oh, my God! What happened to that woman's head!!!! Call 911! Call 911!"
Posted by: NJtoTX | September 1, 2008 5:13 PM
"The bigger the boobs, the bigger the cups, right Justice Scalia?"
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | September 1, 2008 5:15 PM
"White people are crazy."
Posted by: J.D. | September 1, 2008 5:45 PM
I wouldn't have joined the Society of Creative Anachronism if I knew the first meeting was going to be a celebration of Tycho Brade.
Posted by: 99 | September 1, 2008 6:00 PM
(Brahe, obvs)
Posted by: 99 | September 1, 2008 6:00 PM
As members of the Starbucks board, we need approval on the new size - cassonetto.
Posted by: Glimester | September 1, 2008 6:25 PM
Screw the boss and his "one coffee break per day" policy.
Posted by: Glimester | September 1, 2008 6:28 PM
I knew I'd regret giving that Claes Oldenberg the secretary job...eh, but he gives good head.
Posted by: LK | September 1, 2008 7:35 PM
Half and Half? Half and Half, Stephenson? Do you know how many vegans walk the the planet now? And don't tell me it's a phase, because what isn't. We've stopped burning witches, haven't we, but that was big for a while, so shut your hazelnut trap, Stephenson, and find another job.
Posted by: Al Capp | September 1, 2008 7:51 PM
MUGS! Think of how little paper we're wasting! Except Thompson there, that's a big tea bag. I would expect there to be about ninety little teabags in there but he found a big tea bag.
Posted by: Al Capp | September 1, 2008 7:56 PM
Is everyone ready to pretend like we're the guys in those comcast commericals? Plus this giant coffee gag. Boy, Chris Guest is sure to 'consider' us now, what with this gaff, eh, what what? I call Ed Begley Jr.!
Posted by: Al Capp | September 1, 2008 7:58 PM
"I know it’s tempting, but this is neither the time nor the place for a pissing contest.”
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | September 1, 2008 7:59 PM
"Gordon, let's begin with your report on market liquidity."
Posted by: RichM | September 1, 2008 8:06 PM
"I could really go for a cigarette right now."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | September 1, 2008 8:11 PM
Listen, new guy, every one of us thinks these mugs are weird but Mr. McAllister likes them so you'd best go along with it. Of course, once I'm chairman we'll be drinking blood out of human skulls.
Posted by: vinceneilyoung | September 1, 2008 9:38 PM
"Goddamit. I told them to leave room for cream."
"Twenty bucks says we still fall asleep during Cosgrove's presentation."
Posted by: Charles | September 1, 2008 10:33 PM
"OK, meeting adjourned- and get your ugly mugs out of here."
Posted by: LV | September 1, 2008 10:35 PM
"Praise God! Praise His Holy Name! His shoes are as big as Winnegagos and His underpants are a whole acre! Praise Him! His Cup o' Noodles must needs be done in Vats and His sandwiches must needs have Whole Beeves, yay and I tell you, Two Pigs! Praise Him! Praise His Big Name!"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | September 1, 2008 10:36 PM
"Richards, don't think I didn't see you slip in that nine gallons of Kahlua."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | September 1, 2008 10:40 PM
"Do mine own eyes deceive me or hath my cup been filled with the drippings of mutton? Boo to a goose!"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | September 1, 2008 10:46 PM
"First, I'm going to freshen up. When I come back, the whacky hijinks and zany boffo's continue with scones! And not just any size scones either! But first, the bathroom."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | September 1, 2008 10:51 PM
"Meat...doo doo...mums...live, trussed up pidgeons; what else would float in these?"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | September 1, 2008 10:55 PM
"Lemuel Gulliver got some 'splainin' to do."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | September 1, 2008 10:56 PM
"The best way to deal with the hours here is caffeine."
Posted by: NAMBY | September 1, 2008 11:15 PM
What's the point? In six weeks I'll just feel tired again.
Posted by: Urgh | September 2, 2008 1:12 AM
"These mugs? Oh no reason. AND in completely unrelated news Dita Von Teese is stopping by today."
Posted by: Brian L | September 2, 2008 1:34 AM
"Feel that rumbling? Yeah, the donut is going to be here any second!"
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | September 2, 2008 2:18 AM
"So you all saved your diarrhea in these 55-gallon drums for the past month like I asked you to? Good. Now, first one to drink theirs down gets the Glengarry leads."
Posted by: louis lewis | September 2, 2008 2:28 AM
Before we get started, I'd like to call dibs on the men's room after the meeting for, oh, about two to three hours.
Posted by: JR | September 2, 2008 7:04 AM
"OK, we've all had a good laugh at these ridiculous cups of coffee. Now, I have photographic evidence that someone is tea-bagging my wife. Try to guess who it is..."
"I'd like to thank everyone here at Sleepaholics Anonymous for their continued support."
"Does coffee make anyone else poop? It sure does a number on me! Hey Neil - How's that herbal tea? You ready to start sucking dick yet?"
Posted by: MAtt | September 2, 2008 8:26 AM
(1) "As we all know from Freudian psychology, these coffee mugs represent vaginas, and the stirring spoon represents a penis. Hey, anyone notice anything? That's right, we don't HAVE any stirring spoons! That's because this company has become a punch of pussies who are getting fucked by our competitors! You're all fired!"
(2) "Woo! Yeah! Man am I buzzed! I love coffee! Any else love coffee?"
(3) "Alright people, I know it's hard to stay awake during these meetings, but these giant coffee mugs are really inconvenient. We're going back to the crack pipes next week."
Posted by: Jacob C | September 2, 2008 11:12 AM
That's "anyone else" in #2 above, sorry.
Posted by: Jacob C | September 2, 2008 11:14 AM
"I call this executive board meeting of 'Midgets, Do You Mind?', Inc. to order."
Posted by: stcoleridge | September 2, 2008 12:00 PM
"Yes it was nice of him to make us coffee, but as emperor of the Lilliputians I say we go negative on this guy. Let's put him on the defensive with a few ads that attack him for being so big. Then maybe a mailer to our people that suggests he’s actually giant Muslim..."
Posted by: al in la | September 2, 2008 1:05 PM
"After it cools we can begin the enemas."
Posted by: J.D. | September 2, 2008 2:33 PM
It sucks being a descendent of Juan Valdez... sorry, James... AND Earl Grey!"
Posted by: Johnny V | September 2, 2008 3:14 PM
"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for participating in our product testing study. The original topic, 'Delicious Flavored Coffees' has been replaced by 'Absorbency of Adult Diapers'."
Posted by: LR | September 2, 2008 4:01 PM
"OK, now I need three volunteers to come next door and roast some marshmallows."
Posted by: stcoleridge | September 2, 2008 4:52 PM
"And, before we commence with our meeting this morning, let us have a moment of silence for the midgets who made these gigantic cups out of clay, then fell inside them, then peed themselves because they were trapped and frightened, thus filling the cups and causing them to drown in pee. We owe them our gratitude, and we remember them today."
Posted by: Damon | September 2, 2008 5:52 PM
"Despite the overwhleming aroma of massive quantities of freshly brewed coffee I can still smell your feet, Ms. Hastings. And I like it."
Posted by: J.D. | September 2, 2008 6:11 PM
"We landed the HUMMER account."
Posted by: Lawrence Wood | September 2, 2008 6:15 PM
First one to shit loses.
Posted by: wildcat | September 2, 2008 7:14 PM
I suppose my entry should be in quotes.
Posted by: wildcat | September 2, 2008 7:18 PM
"Jones, in case you didn't notice, we're all coffee drinkers here. I never took you for a teabagger."
Posted by: Dave | September 2, 2008 8:26 PM
"I've called you here today to discuss a matter of vital importance to our national security: Sarah Palin's daughter is pregnant."
Posted by: Dave | September 2, 2008 9:46 PM
"Coffee has so much caffeine in it."
Posted by: ben c | September 2, 2008 10:21 PM
Please be sure to sterilize your feeding tube couplers before I commence the stimulant transfer process. There's a nasty strain of MRSA making its way around the office and we can't be too cautious.
Posted by: Shawn | September 3, 2008 12:50 AM
"I suppose you're all wondering why I've called you here today to sit behind gigantic coffee cups while I stand behind mine as though my head is coming out of the cup. And... damned if I can remember. I'm sorry, I really have no idea."
Posted by: Vance | September 3, 2008 1:30 AM
".and to show voters that the Senator's staff also feels the pinch of rising coffee prices, our intern Trevor has agreed to switch to tea...Thanks, Trev."
Posted by: al in la | September 3, 2008 4:03 AM
"Use the microwave if they're not hot enough, but take my mother out first."
Posted by: dwilk | September 3, 2008 7:20 AM
"I'm sorry to interrupt, Wilkins, but some of us can't see you over the giant coffee cups."
Posted by: Joshua | September 3, 2008 10:40 AM
"I need cream in my coffee. Are either of you ladies lactating?"
Posted by: MAtt | September 3, 2008 10:44 AM
"Okay, you assholes. I warned you the execs were fed up with your complaints about your cubicles. Now you get to spend fifty hours a week working in scalding hot coffee baths."
Posted by: Galoux | September 3, 2008 12:01 PM
"The mugs didn't get big. The people got small."
Posted by: Norma Desmond | September 3, 2008 12:03 PM
"Oh yeah? Well for five and a half years in the Hanoi Hilton there was no coffee ..."
Posted by: J.D. | September 3, 2008 1:01 PM
"Tea drinkers will never be able to hide from the Spanish Inquisition!"
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | September 3, 2008 6:22 PM
"'Why are we remaking Land of the Giants>? It's 2008! We can do it better! And Rodriguez, tell them who won the Super Bowl in 2008."
Posted by: Jack | September 3, 2008 7:54 PM
Which of these, in quantities relative to their weights, caused rectal cancer in rats? Correct! The TEA!
Posted by: Maxwell H. | September 3, 2008 7:58 PM
"Linda, (5th from head of table, clockwise) best of luck with that chicken-shaped bald spot. It's looking much better today."
"On a related note, Jim, (7th from head of table clockwise) I know you're remorseful about hitting that Seagull with your car, but did you really have to bring it to the meeting?"
Posted by: djack | September 3, 2008 9:54 PM
“He who has dipped his hand in the mug with me, will betray me. Take him out boys and decaffeinate him."
Posted by: dwilk | September 4, 2008 1:20 AM
Accounting has just supplied me with the latest figures on expenses and it seems the office as whole is pouring out roughly 25,000 gallons of coffee every day. Anyone want to try to explain this to me?
Posted by: Alan Weld | September 4, 2008 8:10 AM
Okay, who's that with the faggy Lipton's? ...Johnson! You're fired.
Posted by: TMo | September 4, 2008 1:58 PM
"OK, by my count, we have four cups of hot coffee, four lukewarm, and one lukewarm tea. This is not the consensus I was hoping for."
Posted by: stcoleridge | September 4, 2008 5:25 PM
"Whose turn was it to bring the cow?"
Posted by: Mike F. | September 4, 2008 7:52 PM
INFIDELS!
Posted by: fredturd | September 4, 2008 10:08 PM
"That was a fine presentation. Now if you ladies and gentlemen will excuse me...I really need to go sissy."
Posted by: fredtrud | September 4, 2008 10:10 PM
"Because you all complained about not having enough time with your families, the company has liquidated them. Literally. You can bawl about it, or you can drink up. Either way, you've got 8 minutes left on break."
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | September 5, 2008 12:18 AM
> "Oh yeah? Well for five and a half years in the Hanoi Hilton there was no coffee ..."
Awesome!
Posted by: Joshua | September 5, 2008 11:42 AM
"Now remember, even though we've been in charge for eight years we're not responsible for anything that happened and we alone can repair the damage we've done...Now drink the Kool-Aid people. It will help."
Posted by: al in la | September 5, 2008 12:56 PM
If "Two Girls, One Cup" was a huge YouTube hit, I can only imagine how our "Two Girls, Six Guys, and Eight Massive Cups" is going to do.
Posted by: Steve_O | September 5, 2008 10:03 PM
"What's this? There's a dead pigeon in my giant mug of coffee! How disgusting! Did anyone else get the dead pigeon? No? Wow, what luck! Out of eight giant mugs of coffee, I get the one with the dead pigeon in it! Ha ha ha!"
Posted by: Trotman | September 6, 2008 12:06 AM
"...as you can see, I've ordered ahead for us."
Posted by: Greg | September 6, 2008 12:41 AM
"...who knew "venti" meant
ass load of coffeer?"
Posted by: Greg | September 6, 2008 12:43 AM
(minor correction)
"...who knew "venti" meant
ass load of coffee?"
Posted by: Greg | September 6, 2008 12:44 AM
Tea?!? You must be an East coast liberal from New York City
Posted by: CountLubinstein | September 6, 2008 2:08 AM
"&%^$ you, Alfredo ! Roasted OR dunked, s'mores can't be beat !"
Posted by: Sam L. | September 6, 2008 3:58 PM
"So now, as to this infernal watch-watching--and I think I hardly need name names.."
Posted by: Sam L. | September 6, 2008 5:09 PM
" Breaks, b**** ! Your uncanny resemblance to Sarah Palin 's responsible for the demotion in favor of Ms. Aniston to the right hand. .. Frigin' 'Kawasaki's' !"
Posted by: Sam L. | September 6, 2008 7:25 PM
"Anomalous--and all that good stuff--hell ! It's the way 'D diddly' draws....so don't be giving yourselves no airs here !"
Posted by: Sam L. | September 6, 2008 7:46 PM
I'm filling in for Jenkins, who was crushed to death by an absurdly large pastry.
Posted by: Steve_O | September 6, 2008 8:28 PM
This is more cost effective to make your erection last more than four hours
Posted by: MitchMatch | September 6, 2008 9:41 PM
"Drink as quickly as you can--the first person to reach the boiled moose balls at the bottom will become the next Fear Factor Apprentice Survivor Running Mate of John McCain. And that will put an end to our thorough selection process!"
Posted by: David F | September 6, 2008 10:39 PM
"This may be just what we need to turn things around here at Starbucks...Say hello to El Grande Mucho Venti."
Posted by: al in la | September 6, 2008 11:41 PM
"Only 4 out of 9 vats of feces are still steaming. That's the worst ratio yet."
Posted by: Cryptic Ned | September 7, 2008 12:25 AM
I understand some of you complained about being bored shitless during last year's mandatory sexual harrassment training.
Posted by: Shawn | September 7, 2008 1:24 AM
"I asked for my coffee black, not with alien tentacles reaching out to implant their eggs into my pancreas. Someone call SYSCO."
Posted by: Mr. Sad Head | September 7, 2008 3:28 AM
"Gripe-gripe-gripe ! Frigging b**** ! You got one of you on the whole goddamn Supreme Court of the U.S. of A.,and you frigin' griping ?! Like Sarah 'Kazuo Kawasaki' Palin gonna raise your numbers, b**** ?! Looks like maybe one of you morons could wake up and smell the coffee...etc. !"
Posted by: Sam L. | September 7, 2008 10:54 AM
"As per the last board meeting on July 21, we'll have 'eye-openers' first before following through on the 'marshmallow-roast-on-the-flaming-corner-of-a table' bit....because, face it, a quorum of us here are either pirates, perverts, pyromaniacs, 'mafiosi'--with an unhealthy slice of political 'dirty tricksters' of the Karl Rove stripe thrown in! .... Welcome, 'Barricuda' Palin !"
Posted by: Sam L. | September 7, 2008 12:32 PM
Mid-morning meeting of The New York Times editorial board: "Let's see, seven regular coffees (exactly to our specified degrees of temperature, naturally !); one Lipton's 'Ceylonese Premium'(watch that steeping, Brooks!); ....and one 'Amaretto Almond' for Ms. Dowd. ..Watch that don't tip, Maureen."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | September 7, 2008 1:40 PM
(Oh,ho! Maureen Dowd of 'all the miaows that's fit to print'. I recognized her instantly....French silk-stockings...)
Posted by: Von Go | September 7, 2008 1:53 PM
"Screw Dernavich ! I'll make a fine point anyhow ! Bltht...Blthtf...Blthtffff.......O ,forget it !" `
Posted by: Von Go | September 7, 2008 3:43 PM
"Many of you will not recognize Felony Criminal Court Judge Lance Ito, conversant with so many 'whacked-out' cases in years past. Judge Ito, the floor !"
Posted by: Von Go | September 7, 2008 4:26 PM
"...the nine 'CASK OF AMONTILLADO'...check ! Nice camoflage, Carlos ! Bush'll rationalize a bit of Amontillado--Condoleeza, you know ! Always was a 'slider'."
Posted by: Von Go | September 7, 2008 4:52 PM
"Anyone else want a cup of Joe? That is, the liquified corpse of a guy named 'Joe'? Okay, then this meeting of serial killers with invariable patterns will come to order. Is there any new business to conduct, keeping in mind that I am compelled by the voice of the devil to slit the throat of anyone that speaks first at corporate meetings?"
"Look, guys, I devised this solution so no one would try to suggest we break for coffee, so we can stay here as long as necessary until we finally figure out why so many staff are dying from accelerated heartbeats!"
"We thank you for raising your idea, but we just don't think there's a market for a once-a-month maintenance colostomy device."
"Nope--even when I stand up, I still can't see your faces. Perhaps we need some kind of table with cupholder depressions?"
Posted by: Trout Almondine | September 7, 2008 6:55 PM
"I like my presidents like I like my coffee: intelligent, compassionate and articulate. That is why I'm voting for Barack Obama. Let us eat our oversized cups of miso soup now."
Posted by: J.D. | September 7, 2008 7:10 PM