Mad-at-Whitey Libs
This week, the Obama campaign sent supporters this e-mail from Michelle. Martin Kaminer decided to turn it into a contest for his friends, and I'm picking up the baton here. Simply fill in the blank below. A No-Prize will be awarded next week for the funniest entry.
Barack likes to tell a story about the two of us standing backstage before his speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention.The way he tells it, he was too busy in the days before the convention to feel any pressure -- but about an hour before the speech, I could tell he was getting a little nervous.
To break the tension, right before he went out on stage I leaned in close and said, "_______________________."
Here are some of the best suggestions that Kaminer got.
"Bro, what's that red light on your forehead?" —Daniel Sieradski
"Fuck the Jews. They don't vote for us anyway." —Eli Valley
"Just think: if you nail this, maybe one day we can hang your Bin Laden picture in the Oval Office."—Peter MarcusBarack stared at me blankly.
"Satire!" I said. "Doesn't anyone get satire anymore?"
He thought for a minute. "Needs something more...."
Comments
"Go out there and get those motherfuckin' snakes of this motherfuckin' plane!"
Posted by: Itzak Newton | July 31, 2008 9:36 AM
"Gott strafe England!"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | July 31, 2008 9:56 AM
I'm not wearing any panties, big boy...
Posted by: SMK | July 31, 2008 10:13 AM
Dude! Smell my breath! Can you totally smell the beer?! High five!
Posted by: inky tea | July 31, 2008 10:18 AM
You are so channeling Britney Spears right now!
Posted by: Martin | July 31, 2008 10:31 AM
Remember, you're only half-white, so they'll only half-hate you.
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | July 31, 2008 10:52 AM
"I'm fucking Matt Damon."
Posted by: Jesse | July 31, 2008 11:01 AM
"Get out there and win one for the Gipper!"
Posted by: Vance | July 31, 2008 11:11 AM
"If I catch you listening to that Scarlett Johansson CD again, I'll hire Jesse Jackson to cuts your nuts off."
Posted by: Richard H | July 31, 2008 11:55 AM
"I always wanted to fuck a celebrity."
Posted by: Richard H | July 31, 2008 11:56 AM
"Today Boston, tomorrow Berlin!"
Posted by: Richard H | July 31, 2008 11:59 AM
"Just relax. You'll be great, Like that time we went bowling."
Posted by: Richard H | July 31, 2008 12:05 PM
"We're all counting on you. Don't fuck it up."
Posted by: Scraps | July 31, 2008 12:05 PM
"I love the smell of B.O."
Posted by: Richard H | July 31, 2008 12:08 PM
Go get'em, Hussein!
Posted by: therblig | July 31, 2008 12:51 PM
"Every day's a good day when you a got a big dick."
Posted by: J.D. | July 31, 2008 2:40 PM
"Blue Horseshoe LOVES Andicott Steel."
Posted by: al in la | July 31, 2008 2:57 PM
I have to be leaving, but I won’t let that come between us. OK?”
Posted by: simsburybear | July 31, 2008 3:13 PM
Don't let no small frustration
Ever bring you down
No no no no
Just take a situation
And turn it all around
With a new attitude everything can change
Make it how you want it to be
Statin bout
Why do that Give youself a break
Laugh about it and you'll see
Life's what you make it
So lets make it rock
Lifes what you make it
So come on come on (everybody now)
Posted by: Deborah | July 31, 2008 5:42 PM
As long as you manage not to tear up a picture of the pope, you'll do just fine!
Posted by: Sam | July 31, 2008 6:14 PM
"Just imagine everyone in the audience is wearing pajamas. Hooded, white pajamas."
Posted by: mypalmike | July 31, 2008 6:16 PM
"Nail this speech and I'll let you nail as many interns as you like."
Posted by: Francis | July 31, 2008 6:59 PM
"Bitches and Ho's ain't shit."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | July 31, 2008 9:14 PM
"I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how you kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well you as another and then I asked you with my eyes to ask again yes and then you asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around you yes and drew you down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and your heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes."
Anon
Posted by: Anon | August 1, 2008 1:16 AM
*Awkward Turtle*
Posted by: Brian L | August 1, 2008 2:11 AM
"Everyone knows your parrot's a clip-on"
Posted by: Rubrick | August 1, 2008 3:33 PM
Remember, after your speech Mrs. Oyster will be right here waiting for Mr. Sea Slug!
Posted by: JayS | August 2, 2008 10:48 PM
"DYN-O-MITE!!!"
Posted by: John Tabin | August 3, 2008 2:59 AM