July 31, 2008

Mad-at-Whitey Libs

michelle-barack-obama_297x344.jpg This week, the Obama campaign sent supporters this e-mail from Michelle. Martin Kaminer decided to turn it into a contest for his friends, and I'm picking up the baton here. Simply fill in the blank below. A No-Prize will be awarded next week for the funniest entry.

Barack likes to tell a story about the two of us standing backstage before his speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention.

The way he tells it, he was too busy in the days before the convention to feel any pressure -- but about an hour before the speech, I could tell he was getting a little nervous.

To break the tension, right before he went out on stage I leaned in close and said, "_______________________."

Here are some of the best suggestions that Kaminer got.

"Bro, what's that red light on your forehead?" —Daniel Sieradski

"Fuck the Jews. They don't vote for us anyway." —Eli Valley

"Just think: if you nail this, maybe one day we can hang your Bin Laden picture in the Oval Office."

Barack stared at me blankly.

"Satire!" I said. "Doesn't anyone get satire anymore?"

He thought for a minute. "Needs something more...."

—Peter Marcus

Posted by Daniel Radosh


"Go out there and get those motherfuckin' snakes of this motherfuckin' plane!"

"Gott strafe England!"

I'm not wearing any panties, big boy...

Dude! Smell my breath! Can you totally smell the beer?! High five!

You are so channeling Britney Spears right now!

Remember, you're only half-white, so they'll only half-hate you.

"I'm fucking Matt Damon."

"Get out there and win one for the Gipper!"

"If I catch you listening to that Scarlett Johansson CD again, I'll hire Jesse Jackson to cuts your nuts off."

"I always wanted to fuck a celebrity."

"Today Boston, tomorrow Berlin!"

"Just relax. You'll be great, Like that time we went bowling."

"We're all counting on you. Don't fuck it up."

"I love the smell of B.O."

Go get'em, Hussein!

"Every day's a good day when you a got a big dick."

"Blue Horseshoe LOVES Andicott Steel."

I have to be leaving, but I won’t let that come between us. OK?”

Don't let no small frustration
Ever bring you down
No no no no
Just take a situation
And turn it all around

With a new attitude everything can change
Make it how you want it to be
Statin bout
Why do that Give youself a break
Laugh about it and you'll see

Life's what you make it
So lets make it rock
Lifes what you make it
So come on come on (everybody now)

As long as you manage not to tear up a picture of the pope, you'll do just fine!

"Just imagine everyone in the audience is wearing pajamas. Hooded, white pajamas."

"Nail this speech and I'll let you nail as many interns as you like."

"Bitches and Ho's ain't shit."

"I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how you kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well you as another and then I asked you with my eyes to ask again yes and then you asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around you yes and drew you down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and your heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes."


*Awkward Turtle*

"Everyone knows your parrot's a clip-on"

Remember, after your speech Mrs. Oyster will be right here waiting for Mr. Sea Slug!


Post a comment

Powered by
Movable Type 3.2