The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #154
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Results from guest judge Harry Effron
Winner
"Well, if none of you brought marshmallows and I didn't bring marshmallows then that explains why these marshmallows taste like mice." TG Gibbon
Finalists
"I don't want to be a spoilsport, guys, but I think this might be a fire hazard. Also, marshmallows cause cancer and the way the sticks are poking through them probably constitutes sexual harassment on some level." Francis
"Twice now, those pussies in inventory have fucked this up! Who the hell wants a s'more on a fucking triscuit?" WillM
Honorable mention
"Where'd you guys find this conference table out here in the woods?" Sam L
"I bet it's just a fire drill" Erin
"This will send that bastard a message: If you're going to lay us off, at least have the decency to send an armed guard to escort us out of the building." mypalmike
"I love impulsively roasting marshmallows as much as the next guy, but did we have to kill our boss and set fire to this conference table? Couldn't we have just waited until tonight's annual company marshmallow roast?" Mo Buck
Comments
(singing) We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn! Burn, motherfucker, burn!
Posted by: kejo | July 21, 2008 9:28 AM
I guess I can't complain about "Survivor: Investment Banking"...I originally auditioned for "Who Wants to Date my Broke Sorry Ex-banker Ass"...
Posted by: simsburybear | July 21, 2008 9:30 AM
See? A Jew will burn hot enough to roast marshmallows. Now, who brought the graham crackers?
Posted by: Ernest | July 21, 2008 9:47 AM
"As the only one here with a mouth, I feel as if I must say something: 'COOOOOOL!' "
Posted by: Tim H | July 21, 2008 9:50 AM
"Seeing as how I'm the only one here with a mouth, I'd like to say that Drew Dernavich guy is one grim motherfucking woodcutter."
Posted by: djack | July 21, 2008 9:52 AM
Rosen, we're eating your chair next.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 21, 2008 9:54 AM
"Hey, it's no great loss. This conference table was too damn low, and it only had the two chairs."
"Where did you guys get the sticks?"
"You're right, Johnson. Making s'mores is a much better idea than burning your suit. Sorry about the jacket, though."
Posted by: gary | July 21, 2008 9:57 AM
"Hmm. Not bad. But you do know the microwave is fixed?"
Posted by: Deborah | July 21, 2008 9:58 AM
Damn, Tim H, I owe you a Coke.
Posted by: djack | July 21, 2008 9:58 AM
"This reminds me of Boy Scout camp, where I first witnessed autofellatio."
Posted by: J.D. | July 21, 2008 9:59 AM
"I always thought roasting the V.P. and C.E.O's testicles over a burning board room table would be more......I don't know,...fun?"
Posted by: djack | July 21, 2008 10:01 AM
"So, headed to the Cape this weekend?"
Posted by: djack | July 21, 2008 10:06 AM
“Now tell me you can’t taste that cherry flavor.”
Posted by: dwilk | July 21, 2008 10:14 AM
"Guys, I didn't want to say anything at first, but... having T.A. Winchler's head on a pike over there is kinda giving me the willies."
Posted by: Vance | July 21, 2008 10:17 AM
"Since the NYPD and FDNY told us to wait inside until the fire is under control and the debris stops falling, we might as well relax. Haha. It's not as if a fire would ever cause a steel and concrete tower to collapse symmetrically on its own footprint, leaving a fine, pulverized dust as in a controlled demolition."
Posted by: J.D. | July 21, 2008 10:19 AM
"So this is how the world ends - not with a bang, but with a nice cheery crackling sound."
Posted by: Vance | July 21, 2008 10:19 AM
"You'd think that now, in this fulfillment of my lifelong dream, I could relax and enjoy the moment. But no, even now I'm playing with myself through my left pocket. I tell ya, it's no picnic being Larry David."
Posted by: Vance | July 21, 2008 10:22 AM
"Is the AC working? It feels really hot in here."
Posted by: dwilk | July 21, 2008 10:26 AM
"The marshmallows here are obscenely delicious."
Posted by: Richard H | July 21, 2008 10:28 AM
"I hope the boss doesn't mind that we burnt his desk."
Posted by: Richard H | July 21, 2008 10:28 AM
"Best. Budget. Meeting. Ever."
Posted by: Richard H | July 21, 2008 10:29 AM
"As a wilderness retreat, this sucks. But for a weekly staff meeting, it's actually quite exciting."
Posted by: Richard H | July 21, 2008 10:30 AM
"Your body thetans have now been purged. That will be $500,000 each."
Posted by: Jeffrey Kramer | July 21, 2008 10:30 AM
"It's a shame it took bankruptcy and arson to help us finally coalesce as a team. If the insurance pays out, we really should do this again next year."
Posted by: Richard H | July 21, 2008 10:33 AM
"Awfully thoughtful of old Jenkins to spontanously combust and provide us this snack occassion. And to think, he was only a week from retirement!"
Posted by: Mort Drucker | July 21, 2008 10:36 AM
"Shit! Here comes Chalmers. Everybody look busy.”
Posted by: dwilk | July 21, 2008 10:37 AM
Where'd you guys find this conference table out here in the woods?
Posted by: Sam L | July 21, 2008 10:40 AM
Bing, you really know how to make the most of a hostage situation.
Posted by: LK | July 21, 2008 10:40 AM
"Personally, I like mine completely charred around a white gooey core. Kind of a symbol for our modern day corporate ethos, if you follow me. Oh, by the way, you're all fired!"
Posted by: Mort Drucker | July 21, 2008 10:46 AM
"Yeah, I also used to be a bum, riding the rails, doing whatever I pleased whenever I pleased. No one told The Merrimac Surf-n-Turfler what to do. But just like everyone else sooner or later the good times end and the next thing I know I'm CEO of Dell computers. Fate's a bitch."
"This sales meeting reminds me of 'The Road.'"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | July 21, 2008 10:54 AM
"I told you no one would go for organic marshmallows. Hope you brainiacs brought an appetite."
Posted by: Mort Drucker | July 21, 2008 10:59 AM
"Well, if none of you brought marshmallows and I didn't bring marshmallows then that explains why these marshmallows taste like mice."
"Roasting ice cubes over an open fire ain't half as fun as it sounds...and it don't sound half fun at all."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | July 21, 2008 10:59 AM
Scenes from the 2008 Fannie Mae executive board meeting
Posted by: CountLubinstein | July 21, 2008 11:01 AM
"Difference was, 9/11 , I wasn't thinking marshmallows."
Posted by: Sam L | July 21, 2008 11:03 AM
"I'd hoped everyone would be able to sit around the fire, but it appears that people have removed the rest of the chairs from the conference room again"
Posted by: Erin | July 21, 2008 11:04 AM
"I bet it's just a fire drill"
Posted by: Erin | July 21, 2008 11:07 AM
"Know any good board room songs?"
Posted by: Erin | July 21, 2008 11:14 AM
"And how, my friends, do I know that this terrifying story of a blown quarter is true? Because I WAS THAT SALES REP!"
Posted by: Damon | July 21, 2008 11:15 AM
"It's not the same without the mosquitoes."
Posted by: Erin | July 21, 2008 11:16 AM
"All that 'hot action,' 'sandwich,' 'set the table on fire,' talk was actually a metaphor for sex."
Posted by: Brian L | July 21, 2008 11:23 AM
"You see,in the last weeks of General Motors they couldn't afford their own frigin' C.E.O. a table high enough to get his legs under !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | July 21, 2008 11:23 AM
"Prometheus was the best thing to hit corporate America since Forbes."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | July 21, 2008 11:34 AM
"Branded--scorned with a coward's shaaaaame! What do you do when you're branded--and you know you're a maaaaaa-a-a-an?!?"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | July 21, 2008 11:36 AM
"Burn burn burn the conferenceroomtable / slowly in the conferenceroom / merrily merrily merrily merrily / ivebroughtyouallinheretotellyouyou'refiredbecauseyou'refuckingincompetent." Okay - let's do a round...
Posted by: Damon | July 21, 2008 11:38 AM
And when we're done here, let's remember to exit using the stairs and not the elevator. because the elevator shaft collapsed a few minutes ago.
Posted by: Mark | July 21, 2008 11:48 AM
"This will send that bastard a message: If you're going to lay us off, at least have the decency to send an armed guard to escort us out of the building."
Posted by: mypalmike | July 21, 2008 11:56 AM
"Look at it this way. If dumbass Dernavich hadn't inked in so much extra for employees' outfits, we'd all be out of luck come winter. ....Cullum....Stevens, we're talking hypothermia !"
Posted by: Sam L | July 21, 2008 12:00 PM
We all have to do our part to prove that global warming is a dangerous fiction that the liberal media is pushing on America.
Posted by: firebus | July 21, 2008 12:09 PM
"I don't want to be a spoilsport, guys, but I think this might be a fire hazard. Also, marshmallows cause cancer and the way the sticks are poking through them probably constitutes sexual harassment on some level."
Posted by: Francis | July 21, 2008 12:11 PM
"I sure do love camping."
"Hopefully this fire distracts you from the fact that I'm clearly scratching my balls through my pocket."
"I told you building my desk out of duraflame logs would come in handy."
Posted by: Harry | July 21, 2008 12:13 PM
"What the fuck is this shit? Okay, I know you guys think you're "performance artists" or some bullshit term, but you know what you guys really are? Assholes. Just assholes. You guys are simply destroying a GOOD TABLE for your BULLSHIT art. This is ridiculous. I know what good art is. I sure do. Ever seen the works of Thomas Kinkade? Now THAT is art. You're not artists; you're just a bunch of motherfucking assholes. Get out. Now. Get out. Scram. Now."
Posted by: John | July 21, 2008 12:14 PM
"Don't you just know frigin' 'Dd' is paving his way to another line-up ! I mean, arson....vagrancy ?!"
Posted by: Sam L | July 21, 2008 12:22 PM
Well, we also replaced the bathroom with an outhouse, in case you were wondering about the smell.
Posted by: SMK | July 21, 2008 12:23 PM
So, you guys as pissed as I am about the Obama New Yorker cover?
Posted by: cgb | July 21, 2008 12:25 PM
My testicles are burning!
Posted by: Onions | July 21, 2008 12:38 PM
"Yeah, I was also a bum, riding the rails, doing whatever I pleased, whenever I pleased. No one told The Merrimac Surf-n-Turfler what to do. No sir! But just like everyone else sooner or later the good times end and the next thing I know I'm McCain's chief economics advisor. Life's a bitch. By the way, nice rack, sugartits."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | July 21, 2008 12:46 PM
"Now the tie, Johnson. Dammit, do you want that promotion or not?"
"Twice now, those pussies in inventory have fucked this up! Who the hell wants a s'more on a fucking triscuit?"
Posted by: WillM | July 21, 2008 12:49 PM
"Perkins is a flaming homo. Not that there's anything wrong with that."
Posted by: mypalmike | July 21, 2008 12:59 PM
"Thank you for attending in shirtsleeves, Freddy, for as we all are aware, the importance of proper proportionality as between black and white in any circumstances, even those as threatened as ours have now become, cannot be overemphasized. ....(we who are about to die salute you!)."
Posted by: Sam L | July 21, 2008 1:00 PM
(I recommend that whoever is responsible for this implication that the 'Trade Towers' collapsed as a result of 'controlled demolition' be barred from this contest at least two weeks....if not more ! Everybody knows that couldn't POSSIBLY be so !)
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | July 21, 2008 1:21 PM
"Wait, wait. You're saying that we work for Hershey and we can't scare up some chocolate for some
S'MORES ??"
Posted by: Kathy H | July 21, 2008 1:32 PM
It's against the law to incinerate people but this chick is HOT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSP-zBYon4E
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | July 21, 2008 2:11 PM
I wonder what Dr. Wasserstein is going to do to us this time.
Posted by: minderbender | July 21, 2008 2:20 PM
"How the blazes you think I'd know to bring S'Mores ?! Do I look like some camper ?! I was a, well, a 'couch potato', until this..this Bush depression ! .... Frigin' Girl Scouts !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | July 21, 2008 2:34 PM
"Enron's damned get weinies with their undying flames."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | July 21, 2008 2:47 PM
"Roasting these marshmallows inside our office is a fucking bad idea."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | July 21, 2008 3:19 PM
"Don't mind if I do ! This new New Yorker cover sure was published by one totally stupid, lying son'bitch -- whatzis, David Remnick ?! Well, it's your dumbass, so called liberal eastern media again, out to snatch defeat from 'the laws of victory' ! Yeah, remember how they had Al Gore 'inventing the internet' ?! Total presumptuous 'hacks', the pack of them: Russert, Matthews...... Who kindled the table ?"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | July 21, 2008 3:34 PM
"After finishing my snack, I'm going to shoot myself in the head."
Posted by: Anonymous | July 21, 2008 3:40 PM
"Jenkins, everyone knows your marshmallow's a clip-on."
Posted by: RichM | July 21, 2008 3:41 PM
"This is how we roast marshmallows in Texas, motherfucker!"
Posted by: J. Brown | July 21, 2008 3:57 PM
"This sucks."
Posted by: Sir Stewart | July 21, 2008 4:00 PM
"Who says 'whites only' in New Yorker cartoon, corporate boardroom scenes ?! ....It's true we're in 'receivership'."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | July 21, 2008 4:28 PM
That last "anonymous" was literally from anonymous, which is me."
Posted by: Anonymous | July 21, 2008 4:37 PM
"Oh my God, we're surrounded by white space!"
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | July 21, 2008 4:46 PM
Parallel Universe, Five Minutes Before ALL OUT Nuclear War.
[Narrator]
"Thank God this is just a parallel Universe and not our Universe!"
Posted by: Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros-Ghali | July 21, 2008 4:57 PM
Just our luck the janitor was Chinese... an hour later and I'm hungry again!
Posted by: T.A. | July 21, 2008 5:27 PM
I still say we don't resort to cannibalism until we're out of marshallows... or at LEAST we're out of S'mores.
Posted by: T.A. | July 21, 2008 5:28 PM
MAD MEN: The Documentary
Posted by: Tim H | July 21, 2008 5:28 PM
"Whose desk is this?"
Posted by: David John | July 21, 2008 5:34 PM
"Hm. You know, in retrospect, I wonder if Frank meant to type 'turn the tables' rather than 'burn the tables'. Especially considering that he has difficulty typing due to his Parkinsonism."
"...and the hitchhiker had a hook for a hand!"
Posted by: Rubrick | July 21, 2008 5:44 PM
"Hey, this is fun... But when Madge in finance sees that we took the branches from her flower arrangement there will be hell to pay!"
"I wonder why our sprinkler system hasn't stopped the fire."
"Nelson, McCadry... You both know Howard Stern. This was his idea. Now, who brought the Graham Crackers and Chocolate bars?"
Posted by: Johnny V | July 21, 2008 5:49 PM
"We lukkk like dis because the berson who drewww it has blurd vishin, a burning sensation, coff, heddache. nawsha, short nuzz of breath, rednuzz and pennn in the eyes... It'z fomaldahide poizning from thiz ztoopid desk!"
Posted by: Glenn | July 21, 2008 5:51 PM
"Thank you for the demonstration, Jenkins, but I remain unconvinced that 'Roast-Its' are going to return 3M to profitability."
Posted by: The Confidence Man | July 21, 2008 6:04 PM
Next I'll show you how to make wine in the executive toilet.
Posted by: JohnnyB | July 21, 2008 6:08 PM
Thanks Susan. We never would've gotten this baby going without your Vagisil.
Posted by: Stoo | July 21, 2008 6:20 PM
Since Smith doesn't have a mouth, I call his s'more.
Posted by: seabendy | July 21, 2008 6:41 PM
"So um...did it occur to anyone else that after the marshmallows run out we'll have to eat eachother?
Posted by: Trotman | July 21, 2008 7:06 PM
It's too bad George spontaniously combusted, he really enjoys s'moors.
Posted by: martin | July 21, 2008 7:10 PM
" Make a death wish Smithers, then shove your marshmallow up Rodney!s ass. "
Posted by: Dr Sumguy | July 21, 2008 7:54 PM
We're office workers roasting marshmallows on a burning conference table. How about that.
Posted by: Ernest | July 21, 2008 7:54 PM
" Make a death wish Rodney, then shove your marshmallow up Smither's ass! "
Posted by: Dr. Sumguy | July 21, 2008 8:00 PM
"You know, it's funny. When I learned about Hell, I pictured something different."
"So it's settled then: our fireproof furniture isn't really fireproof. Now let's test our foolproof plan."
Posted by: Deborah | July 21, 2008 8:18 PM
Brooks Brother's suit; $7500.
D&C eye-glasses; $495.
Owning your own company; priceless.
Posted by: Jake | July 21, 2008 8:35 PM
"Your fired!" he says, "go wait in the green room." Well, Donald motherfucking Trump, who's laughing now?
Posted by: Jake | July 21, 2008 8:37 PM
No, all joking aside, I've had many a less productive board meeting than this.
Posted by: Jake | July 21, 2008 8:40 PM
then I banged her on this very table... of course that's all history now... welcome to the new H.P.
Posted by: Jake | July 21, 2008 8:43 PM
"With Christ as my witness, if one more caption containing a reference to S'MORES is witlessly entered below my feet, I will burst forth from this single panel and do raw, hard damage."
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | July 21, 2008 8:50 PM
"A motion to spit on the table has been countered to post-pone said motion until we finish our snack. Does the chair hear a second?"
Posted by: Eusless Tilley | July 21, 2008 8:55 PM
"I actually asked for some more salary, but this is reasonably satisfying."
Posted by: Brian L | July 21, 2008 8:58 PM
"Too bad you broke your glasses, Jenkins. But with plastic frames we can repair and refit them over a flame, replace the lenses with heat-tempered ones and you're good to go in less than an hour."
Posted by: LV | July 21, 2008 9:39 PM
In better times we did this with handfuls of cash.
Posted by: BAP | July 21, 2008 10:13 PM
"Oh fuck, I forgot that I parked in front of a fire hydrant. I'll be right back guys, I don't want to get a ticket."
Posted by: Trotman | July 21, 2008 10:40 PM
"Was this really worth getting up from our chairs for?"
Posted by: Trotman | July 21, 2008 10:41 PM
"Well Susan, 2Girls1Cup is a video in which two women decide to...you know what, I'll just send you the link; I don't want to ruin your appetite."
Posted by: Trotman | July 21, 2008 10:46 PM
"Careful! Don't burn it!"
Posted by: Xena | July 21, 2008 10:57 PM
"Casually feeding marshmallows to this mutant troll is the only way to stop the office rapes. Uh oh, he's unzipping Bob's pants with his tentacle. WE NEED MORE MARSHMALLOWS!"
"It's a shame to put a good spontaneous combustion to waste. I'll miss Pete's smile the most."
"I love a good wiener, er I mean marshmallow."
"I love impulsively roasting marshmallows as much as the next guy, but did we have to kill our boss and set fire to this conference table? Couldn't we have just waited until tonight's annual company marshmallow roast?"
Posted by: Mo Buck | July 21, 2008 11:34 PM
"So Jimmy, where'd you get the white stick or is something else coming from your pants?"
Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | July 21, 2008 11:35 PM
" . . . and there, dangling from the board room door, was a hook!"
Posted by: Bou | July 21, 2008 11:52 PM
"Madge, you may be the only chick on the board, but this is the only way you'll ever be hot."
Posted by: Galoux | July 21, 2008 11:56 PM
"I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE, AND I BRING YOU . . . FIRE! [doo dee deeee] I'll take you to burn! [doo dee deeeee] FIRE!"
Posted by: Galoux | July 22, 2008 12:03 AM
"And when we're done with this, we can play musical chairs. . . . Well, except for you, Jenkins."
Posted by: Bou | July 22, 2008 12:06 AM
"Since no one else has a mouth, I guess the rest of you can give me your marshmallows to eat. Or maybe you can smear them on each other. But be careful, underlings, lest you find that you have no mouth and you must scream."
Posted by: Galoux | July 22, 2008 12:10 AM
"I think that crudely drawn, sideways dog in the lower right-hand corner has passed out from the lacquer fumes."
Posted by: dookie | July 22, 2008 12:48 AM
"Boy, who'd've ever thought 20 years ago that we'd now be arranging every daily activity in order to maximize global warming, huh?"
Posted by: Vance | July 22, 2008 12:59 AM
Fuck guys! China's got us by the balls!
Posted by: Alexander Widget | July 22, 2008 1:06 AM
Sorry, marshmallows. You're fired.
Posted by: Mike H. | July 22, 2008 3:46 AM
This table's a real flamer, eh?
Posted by: Mike H. | July 22, 2008 3:49 AM
"The time to hesitate is through/No time to wallow in the mire ... then I am afraid I have forgotten what comes next."
Posted by: RichM | July 22, 2008 7:19 AM
Steaks, chops, fish--wood grilling isn’t just limited to marshmallows.”
Posted by: dwilk | July 22, 2008 7:26 AM
"I'm never gonna be able to burn this place to the ground with you pussies always hangin' around."
Posted by: Dave | July 22, 2008 9:45 AM
"You know Obama voted to expand the FISA Act, which pretty much means The State can plant a surveillance device up our butts at birth doesn't it? He's got a nice smile though, and, well, he's black."
Posted by: J.D. | July 22, 2008 9:48 AM
"The delightful bouquet of burning wood and toasting marshmallows almost masks the tenacious cheap cologne and flatulence cloud surrounding each of us."
Posted by: J.D. | July 22, 2008 9:58 AM
Meanwhile ... in a secluded corner of the 109th floor ...
Posted by: Jason Olshefsky | July 22, 2008 10:31 AM
"And so this demonstrates method number three for ways to eliminate the middle man."
Posted by: Brian L | July 22, 2008 11:25 AM
" Our 'Godot' is sucking, you idiots ! Miss Flores, my set designer, and I will now demonstrate how we want Act Two's 'marshmallow roast' scene to be represented. ....That's the boy,Nurykovskii ! Yes, the repetitive 1/4 wrist twist. There, that's getting it, Pavlov ! ....'Godot' is in the details."
Posted by: Von Go | July 22, 2008 12:49 PM
"See, from left to right we're Larry Silverstein, George Bush and me, Rudolph Giuliani, and this cartoon ironically illustrates paranoid accusations of our incompetence and/or complicity on 9-11. I'm not sure what Carrot Top is doing here though."
Posted by: J.D. | July 22, 2008 1:31 PM
No one can tell me I don't work fucking hard! Mouthless people, frizzy-haired art teachers, whatever. And I'm willing to burn a fucking conference room table if I have to.
Posted by: dave | July 22, 2008 1:54 PM
"Are you sure that the SOX audit requirements state that the board room table perfectly toast marshmallows?"
"Joe, your features are quite striking by firelight."
"We can keep avoiding the subject, but eventually we're going to have to appoint a minority to the board."
Posted by: MAtt | July 22, 2008 4:24 PM
"Hey, you guys see that funny headline Men Sentenced for Setting Friend's Crotch Ablaze ?"
Posted by: Kathy H | July 22, 2008 4:25 PM
"When we told him he was hired for the cartoon he got offended, removed a bomb from his robes and blew himself up."
"Oh well. There was no reason to buy a cake today anyway..."
Posted by: Borgia | July 22, 2008 4:27 PM
"You guys are right... We should have burnt these draft cards when we were 18."
"Okay, burning the table in protest was a bad idea. Someone do the right thing and piss out the fire."
Posted by: Johnny V | July 22, 2008 5:07 PM
I wish you had never told me there were bears in this area. I can't relax.
Posted by: Urgh | July 22, 2008 6:05 PM
"Phew! Somebody turn on the AC."
Posted by: ben c | July 22, 2008 6:08 PM
"Ah,the strenuous life ! Completes one, don't you fe.. uh,well, perhaps not. ....Sorry !"
Posted by: Von Go | July 22, 2008 6:12 PM
"No good. I still don't feel like I'm camping."
Posted by: Joshua | July 22, 2008 7:38 PM
D is for Desk
Posted by: Liz | July 22, 2008 8:49 PM
Kum Bay Yah, My Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Kum Bay Yah, My Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Kum Bay Yah, My Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Oh Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Someone's crying, Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Someone's crying, Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Someone's crying, Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Oh Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Someone's praying, Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Someone's praying, Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Someone's praying, Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Oh Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Someone's singing, Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Someone's singing, Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Someone's singing, Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Oh Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Kum Bay Yah, My Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Kum Bay Yah, My Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Kum Bay Yah, My Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Oh Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Oh Lord, Kum Bay Yah
Posted by: Raji | July 22, 2008 9:41 PM
This happens to the next gay couple that comes here, too. I think they'e almost cooked.
Posted by: George | July 22, 2008 9:45 PM
"Honestly, CEO hell is not turning out as bad as I expected."
Posted by: Joshua | July 23, 2008 12:22 AM
Stock is sinking, Fed, come bail out
Banks are tanking, Fed, come bail out
Net worth shrinking, Fed, come bail out
Oh Fed, come bail out
Posted by: JohnnyB | July 23, 2008 7:51 AM
"Worst fucking winter solstice EVER!"
Posted by: Rhys | July 23, 2008 7:57 AM
"If I wasn't as pissed as Dick Cheney right now I couldn't ask you this, George, but is that hole in your face one big nostril or a tiny mouth? It freaks me the hell out whatever it is."
Posted by: Rhys | July 23, 2008 8:04 AM
Yes, you can eat zombie flesh without becoming a zombie. You just have to fully cook it.
Posted by: Jason | July 23, 2008 10:01 AM
How ever did you get Bob into such nice, bite-sized pieces Shelly?
Posted by: Conan | July 23, 2008 10:48 AM
"Just wanted to let you know Jim, your man-flesh is on fire"
"I know."
Posted by: Conan | July 23, 2008 10:50 AM
"I'd love to poke your soft white marshmallow Jill"
"If by soft white marshmallow you mean long firm penis, go right ahead"
Posted by: Conan | July 23, 2008 10:57 AM
Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale desk fire light?
Posted by: Anonymous | July 23, 2008 10:59 AM
Ok, who shat next to the fire? I said to do it UNDER the desk. Dumbasses.
Posted by: Conan | July 23, 2008 11:01 AM
"Today we're 'channeling' the World Trade Club--W.T.C. #1, 107 floor. Come in World Trade Club!.. Hello ? 107 floor ? ....Anyone ?"
Posted by: Von Go | July 23, 2008 2:06 PM
" I smell Kung Pao Scrotum! Bekins! BACK AWAY! "
Posted by: Dr Sumguy | July 23, 2008 3:09 PM
"After I pitch a tent, Denise, I'll throw my big log into your smoking hot fire pit. Then I'll be docking my canoe, hunting for your beaver, shucking my corn, and performing many other non-sexually-harassing camping tasks."
Posted by: mypalmike | July 23, 2008 4:47 PM
"Ok you mugs, let's get our stories straight! We're characters in a crudely done woodcut, see? Because the table was disproportionately low, we hadda torch it along with some of these knock-off Aeron chairs. The marshmallows are just to make the whole thing seem natural. Like that would even come up!"
Posted by: Mort Drucker | July 23, 2008 5:18 PM
"If anyone asks, let me do the talking.
Oh...sorry. I forgot."
Posted by: Mort Drucker | July 23, 2008 5:19 PM
"The suits will be pissed when they find out about this! Ha! Oh, wait. We are the suits!"
Posted by: mypalmike | July 23, 2008 6:00 PM
"The chemicals from the varnish on the table hurt my eyes and befoul the marshmallows."
Posted by: Chris | July 23, 2008 6:47 PM
"Anybody know any good 'veni vidi marshmallow-o-leevio' jokes?"
Posted by: Chris | July 23, 2008 6:50 PM
"He did say he was going to set the building on fire if they took away his red Swingline stapler."
Posted by: Michael Bolton | July 23, 2008 9:11 PM
I kissed a girl, and I liked it.
Posted by: Shawn | July 23, 2008 9:44 PM
"Maybe next year we should roast the interns' testicles outdoors."
Posted by: Dave | July 23, 2008 10:26 PM
ROI up 30 basis points and EBIT increased 14% after in-house marshmallow testing program implemented in 2007.
Posted by: Lindsay | July 23, 2008 11:01 PM
Now take this burnt marshmallow for example. It's black on the outside, white on the inside. So what does that remind you of? Right, an Oreo(tm) cookie.
Posted by: Dex | July 24, 2008 12:36 AM
"There isn't any smoke. Smoking inside a public building is against the law."
Posted by: dwilk | July 24, 2008 7:18 AM
"According to Mr. Cheney's protocols, in the event of shredder failure it's documents first followed by self-immolation."
Posted by: LV | July 24, 2008 8:52 AM
"I'm talking agoraphobia big-time now ! Fuck Dd ! Of all the bare-bone, lazy-ass conceptions ever ! Whatzis ? Frigin' Antarctica ?! ....O.K., look ! Just keep staring at your marshmallow until rescue arrives."
Posted by: Von Go | July 24, 2008 12:15 PM
"Yeah, we talking big-time agoraphobia ! Of all the bare-bone, lazy-ass exhibiti... er, expeditions ever ! Whazzis ? Frigin' Antarctica ?! ...O.K., look! We'll just keep staring at these vague, off-brand-quality marshmallows until rescue arrives."
Posted by: Von Go | July 24, 2008 12:37 PM
My marshmallow is actually wite-out on a piece of foam. This would explain the bizarre smell.
Posted by: Trotman | July 24, 2008 4:50 PM
"We got us some cracker-ass crackers, now where's the chocolate?"
Posted by: Kosmicki | July 24, 2008 4:53 PM
" OK! On the count of three, everyone switch their marshmallow to their penis! "
Posted by: Dr. Sumguy | July 24, 2008 5:55 PM
So, how can the boss be pissed off when he comes back from vacation? The way I see it, we just combined two of his favorite things... working lunches and thinking outside the box.
Posted by: Fred M | July 24, 2008 5:58 PM
"Letting Mrs. O'Leary into the office was OK, but that damned cow..."
Posted by: Kathy H | July 24, 2008 6:20 PM
"I loved Porno for Pyros!"
Posted by: Tim H | July 24, 2008 6:25 PM
"That Stay Puft® guy was such an asshole!"
Posted by: Kathy H | July 24, 2008 6:33 PM
Howard Stern to my left. Rick Moranis to my right. I wonder if I should make a Ghostbusters reference about the marshmallows to Rick. Would that be awkward? I don't think it would be. Would it? I could mention that I'm Canadian...and that I really dug those beer commercials...
Posted by: The Baroness | July 24, 2008 8:56 PM
Would you say this product passes lensing effect?
Posted by: MW | July 24, 2008 10:38 PM
Sh'-Sh'-Kava-Boobs are hot stuff.
Posted by: MW | July 24, 2008 10:46 PM
One minute I'm in my cubicle jerking off to internet porn, the next I am roating marshmellows over a burning conference room table. Can life in Corporate America get ANY better?
Posted by: boneguy | July 25, 2008 12:11 PM
We did this the last time that motherfucker Carter told us to turn down the thermostats.
Posted by: boneguy | July 25, 2008 12:12 PM
My wife called and asked if I could roast some red peppers before I come home.
Posted by: boneguy | July 25, 2008 12:14 PM
"I wish I could see the looks on the Obama transition team's faces when they get here and realize we burned the Cabinet Room table before we left."
Posted by: John Tabin | July 26, 2008 2:58 PM
"This is the most productive meeting we've ever had! Hahahaha! Oh God, kill me now."
Posted by: John Tabin | July 26, 2008 2:59 PM
"This seems kind of dangerous. Do we have a fire extinguisher?"
Posted by: John Tabin | July 26, 2008 3:02 PM
"My stick is more straight than the rest of yours, but I don't feel any happier."
Posted by: Cryptic Ned | July 26, 2008 3:17 PM
"Lord, we give unto thee our firstborn desk, and the sweetest of our marshmallow crops, and we beseech thee, grant us profits in the fiscal year ahead."
Posted by: Cryptic Ned | July 26, 2008 3:26 PM
"Now I know you're asking, if this is a corporate retreat, what are we retreating from? Well, the answer was supposed to be 'office furniture'. But we fucked that up."
Posted by: Cryptic Ned | July 26, 2008 3:30 PM
"Is everyone else imagining his marshmallow as his ex-wife? Well, except you, Susan."
Posted by: Cryptic Ned | July 26, 2008 3:40 PM
So, Perkins, you say this new invention is called "fire." Have the boys in research been given a whack at it yet?
Posted by: SK | July 26, 2008 6:34 PM
"Charley, with the vice president (and his secretary) of Wonka Candies are here as witnesses, someday, I, Willy Wonka, swear I will leave this all to you... except, of course, this desk!"
Posted by: Johnny V | July 26, 2008 9:47 PM
"Wait a minute... this is all wrong! We should roast the marshmellows AFTER we've eaten the hotdogs!"
Posted by: Johnny V | July 26, 2008 9:49 PM
By the way you're all fired. Sorry.
Posted by: Max | July 26, 2008 10:12 PM
"Sooo ... This is hell."
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | July 26, 2008 11:47 PM
"Whoever it is that keeps humming 'Disco Inferno,' knock it off."
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | July 26, 2008 11:48 PM
(Cover illustration rough for the classic Harlan Ellison story originally titled I HAVE NO MOUTH, AND I MUST CONVENE.)
Posted by: Stevo Darkly | July 26, 2008 11:49 PM
"Baruch atta Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, ... what's fire in Hebrew?"
Posted by: Moshe | July 27, 2008 8:43 AM
"Yes, yes, yes, Carruthers. The marshmallows are gluten-free. How many times do I have to tell you?"
Posted by: David F | July 27, 2008 12:11 PM
"And then he said if you don't have your sorry asses out of here in thirty minutes, I'm calling the cops."
Posted by: Dave | July 27, 2008 7:04 PM
"And then he said if you don't have your sorry asses out of here in thirty minutes, I'm calling the cops."
Posted by: Dave | July 27, 2008 7:05 PM
"They should have figured we'd go right back to setting things on fire after reentering society."
Posted by: David John | July 27, 2008 9:22 PM