New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #152

NEAT THING!

Posted by: chloe | June 30, 2008 1:29 AM

Since we're about to die in this collision, I guess I should come clean and tell you I've been doing Billy's teacher.

Posted by: vinceneilyoung | June 30, 2008 3:00 AM

Fucking hell, I never knew Hawaii was so far south.

Posted by: cgb | June 30, 2008 3:03 AM

If you squint really hard, you can see us.

Posted by: Pseudonym | June 30, 2008 3:17 AM

"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it."

Posted by: steven wright recycler | June 30, 2008 3:58 AM

"Oh look, their on the Highway to Hell, too!"

"I know people say Florida is America's wang but really I think Mexico and Central America are. The Pan-American Highway is like the vas deferens. Incidentally Boston is the part of the brain responsible for mispronouncing words and ejaculating in soup."

"But if we're...and they're...and we're driving on...but where's...Luuuucy!!!"

"Well I'll be damned, my uncle was right; Ecuador really is just the world's rear right turn signal."

"I'm so high that the planet in front of us looks like the world's fattest twins riding miniature motorcycles."

Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 30, 2008 6:53 AM

"Ha! Ya see, Marge? Do ya see that, YES, the whole world DOES revolve around me."

"What on Pluto is that? A planet? No, it's too small to be a planet."

"I guess I shoulda turned right at Albuquerque."

Posted by: JohnnyB | June 30, 2008 7:43 AM

"Let's moon them!"

Posted by: JohnnyB | June 30, 2008 7:44 AM

"Huh. That's weird."

"Look - Terry Pratchett was right. It's a big giant disc."

Posted by: Deborah | June 30, 2008 8:05 AM

"Crap, they don't take EZ Pass. Do you have any hundreds?"

Posted by: Deborah | June 30, 2008 8:09 AM

"The giant planet sitting in the middle of the road here is obscene."

Posted by: Deborah | June 30, 2008 8:13 AM

by Mick Stevens

age 9

Posted by: Anonymous | June 30, 2008 8:14 AM

Well, I'll be damned.To find Zontar, you really do just get on the Interstellar Highway and follow the Earth.

Posted by: Tom | June 30, 2008 8:28 AM

[HONK HONK]
"...fucking Asian drivers."

Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 30, 2008 8:40 AM

"This GPS is extremely inaccurate."

Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 30, 2008 8:42 AM

"Look out, Steven! There's an Earth in the road!"

Posted by: mypalmike | June 30, 2008 8:51 AM

"You know, I still can't believe Jerry Garcia died."

Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 30, 2008 8:56 AM

"Gas prices are out of this world."

Posted by: Richard H | June 30, 2008 9:19 AM

"I keep telling you, if we don't do something fast our whole planet is facing a head on collision with.... Harry, LOOK OUT!!"

Posted by: Richard H | June 30, 2008 9:21 AM

"Fucking planets, always take up both lanes."

Posted by: Richard H | June 30, 2008 9:21 AM

"I knew we should have stopped to pee. Now we're going to be stuck behind this slow-moving planet all day."

Posted by: Richard H | June 30, 2008 9:26 AM

"I hate it when the gods go bowling."

Posted by: Richard H | June 30, 2008 9:30 AM

"Earth to car. I'm bigger than you."

Posted by: dwilk | June 30, 2008 9:30 AM

"It's just a myth, you sissy, don't make such a fuss. And put it in low gear for Christ's sake."

Posted by: djack | June 30, 2008 9:36 AM

"Wait, if that's the Earth, where the fuck are we? I knew I should have taken that last turn at Alberquerque."

Posted by: Dave W | June 30, 2008 9:56 AM

"Hold on tight everybody! We're about to enter Harry's World

!"

Posted by: Kathy H | June 30, 2008 10:13 AM

"Just once I'd like to get in the car and avoid the fucking traffic. Just once."

"Hey, look. It's kinda like that marble from the end of Men in Black. That movie was pretty good."

"I should probably pull on to the shoulder and just go around."

Posted by: WillM | June 30, 2008 10:16 AM

"Honey, quick, get me my Whole Earth Catalog!"

Posted by: Tim H | June 30, 2008 10:16 AM

I told you we should have brought that Atlas.

Posted by: therblig | June 30, 2008 10:38 AM

How many days per gallon do you think he gets in that thing?

Posted by: murph | June 30, 2008 10:54 AM

"I hope his trailer hitch is rated for 6 septillion kilograms."

Posted by: Damon | June 30, 2008 10:56 AM

See Loretta, I told you one day we would see the world. And your eggs still haven't even dried up all the way yet.

Posted by: Adam G | June 30, 2008 10:57 AM

I CAN'T SWIM!

Posted by: Charles | June 30, 2008 11:09 AM

Get a small car, you said. It's good for the environment, you said. Anything else you'd like to add before we die?

Posted by: Charles | June 30, 2008 11:10 AM

Did you remember to turn the coffee maker off?

Posted by: Matt | June 30, 2008 11:19 AM

"Fucking SUVs!"

Posted by: dwilk | June 30, 2008 11:20 AM

Well, since we're about to die anyway, I might as well tell you both that I was never really planning on turning this car around and driving back home. Also, Sarah, you're adopted.

Posted by: Dave | June 30, 2008 11:23 AM

"Are we there yet?"

"Starbuck! You did it!"

"It was Earth all along!"

Posted by: Nicola | June 30, 2008 11:27 AM

"How does the water stay put?"

Posted by: Francis | June 30, 2008 11:29 AM

"Wait a minute... If that's Earth, then where are we?"

Posted by: ben caro | June 30, 2008 11:35 AM

"One of these days, Alice! Bang, zoom, to the Earth!"

Posted by: Francis | June 30, 2008 11:48 AM

"It's right here, you stupid bitch. The guidebook clearly states that the World's Biggest Globe is one of Nebraska's premier road-blocking attractions. Nowhere in here do I see the word 'roadside.' When we get back home I'm divorcing you and buying a GPS."

Posted by: Jesse | June 30, 2008 11:50 AM

"Hey, Earth! Put the fucking cell phone down and drive!"

Posted by: Damon | June 30, 2008 12:11 PM

Wow, check out that giant disc-shaped billboard with a map of the Western Hemisphere!

Posted by: mcs | June 30, 2008 12:13 PM

"When are we going to replace our bloody nav system? Nobody uses big-screen, rear projection anymore."

Posted by: Anita Margarita | June 30, 2008 12:30 PM

"No shit, that's Tahiti. 'I see London, I see France' means your underwear's hanging out, Magellan."

Posted by: Anita Margarita | June 30, 2008 12:34 PM

"I have an ulterior motive for taking you out on this scenic drive, Joan. I have something to tell you. The truth is that I have painful penis cancer, and one of the lumps looks unsightly. It might put you off. I'm really hoping you don't leave me, though; I need your love and support now more than ever. Please, think it over. Are you thinking it over? Are you...even listening to me? You...oh, what? Yeah, it's the planet Earth - so fucking what?!"

Posted by: Damon | June 30, 2008 12:38 PM

"Well I'll be goddamned. The Flat Earth Society was right."

Posted by: Anita Margarita | June 30, 2008 12:39 PM

SETTING: THE ROAD FROM WASHINGTON D.C. TO CRAWFORD, TX.

TIME: EARLY MORNING, JAN. 21 2009

"Well Laura, the way I see it, ain't nothing gonna stop me from bein' remembered as one of the world's great leaders...Now fetch me out another Pabst from the ice chest, will ya babe?"

Posted by: al in la | June 30, 2008 12:41 PM

"Not another new dollar coin. When will they just give up already?"

Posted by: Anita Margarita | June 30, 2008 12:44 PM

"For crying out loud, Petey ! Can't you just hold on til STEVENS' WORLD ?"

Posted by: Sam L. | June 30, 2008 12:52 PM

"Earth Earth, bo-Birth, bananafana fo-firth, me my mo-mirth, Ear-urth. Now let's do it in a round! I'll go first."

Posted by: inky tea | June 30, 2008 12:52 PM

"Yes, I see 'Titty-caca.' And no, we don't have time to totally stop real quick and take our picture."

Posted by: Anita Margarita | June 30, 2008 1:05 PM

" 'Lake TIT-icaca, here I come'? Is that any song to sing before our Petey...pervert ?"

Posted by: Sam L. | June 30, 2008 1:18 PM

HE: "Look, the World's Fair!"

SHE: "The world isn't fair."

HE: "No, the WORLD'S FAIR."

SHE: "No it isn't fair!"

HE: "I know the world isn't fair."

SHE: "The World's Fair isn't fair? Why?"

Posted by: dwilk | June 30, 2008 1:26 PM

"I don't hate your parents, Mindy. It's just their home planet is so... how do I say it? Middle of the road."

Posted by: Anonymous | June 30, 2008 1:31 PM

"Wait a minute. If that is Earth, where the fuck are we?"

Posted by: MAtt | June 30, 2008 1:37 PM

"Come on! For true , Percy ?! Hawaii is actually really even FARTHER south than your Laso-Projecto indicates ? ... O.K., O.K., already ! -- 'I AM NOT SMARTER THAN A FIFTH GRADER'! ....Fuckin' brat!"

Posted by: N.O. it all ! | June 30, 2008 1:49 PM

"Harold, I told you to go LEFT through the wormhole! Now look what you've done!"

Posted by: MAtt | June 30, 2008 1:53 PM

Mr. McMillan was very proud of his new GPS unit. Unfortunately, he hadn't yet learned how to use the "zoom" function (see inset).

"Katamari! Katamari! Reverse! Reverse!"

Posted by: Rubrick | June 30, 2008 2:03 PM

"Emergency 'parachute brakes', hairhead ! .... In all the new 'Detroits' !"

Posted by: N.O. it all ! | June 30, 2008 2:04 PM

"I guess Radosh wasn't kidding when he said Indian Lake was at the end of the earth."

Posted by: Sandy | June 30, 2008 2:10 PM

Backseat kid: Look daddy, there's Great Slave Lake !-- Dad: Shut your damn kid up, Doris !

Posted by: N.O. it all ! | June 30, 2008 2:18 PM

This is a very bizarre occurrence, children. It seems that we are about to collide with some sort of earth. I do not know why this is happening. However, I do have a theory. I believe that this is caused by love, like many things. Love is the answer, children.

Posted by: John | June 30, 2008 2:18 PM

"I knew I shouldn't have taken the scenic route."

Posted by: Trotman | June 30, 2008 2:25 PM

"I gotta say Mary, this really challenges my perception on life as we know it."

Posted by: Trotman | June 30, 2008 2:27 PM

"Dammit, a flat tire."

Posted by: Trotman | June 30, 2008 2:28 PM

"Honey, quick, hand me the Eartha Kitt!"

Posted by: Tim H | June 30, 2008 2:29 PM

"We're about to collide with a giant globe!! Quick Steven, take a left and drive through that clich� and poorly illustrated hillside!"

Posted by: Trotman | June 30, 2008 2:30 PM

"It looks like this might be the end. At least the kids aren't here to see this; they're bound and gagged in the truck! Ha ha ha!"

Posted by: Trotman | June 30, 2008 2:36 PM

This cartoon requires not a caption, but a theme.

Posted by: stcoleridge | June 30, 2008 2:40 PM

"Yeah, sure ! So nice of God to do something with interplanetary space....after five billion frigin' years ! Five billion fuckin' years, you hear!! And I'm gonna get all thankful and grateful ?! ....Sheez, what's this crud ahead ?!"

Posted by: Sam L. | June 30, 2008 2:46 PM

"Hold on, Honey! We're about to find out just how firma that terra is!"

Posted by: Kathy H | June 30, 2008 2:55 PM

" 'Hi, ho! Hi, ho! It's off to 'VV CEPHEI' we flow ....nice 'scenic extrusion', Xotse."

Posted by: Sam L. | June 30, 2008 3:03 PM

'This happens every time you put Gustav Holz on the car steareo.'

Posted by: stcoleridge | June 30, 2008 3:06 PM

or stereo, whichever

Posted by: stcoleridge | June 30, 2008 3:06 PM

"Worth it ? I'll say ! What, you seventy whatever hunks for the job, me the seventy virgins ?! Scenic diversions throughtout ! We going in ! Allah total pissed....Aieeee !"

Posted by: N.O. it all ! | June 30, 2008 3:30 PM

"I say, if that's Earth, then where are we? We are where then? Earth? That's if say I!"

Posted by: palindromeguy | June 30, 2008 3:46 PM

"Fuck North and South America. Aren't you intrigued by the figure-ground ambiguity created by the negative space?"

Posted by: dwilk | June 30, 2008 3:51 PM

. . . and welcome to "Bowling for Wormholes."

Posted by: jim M | June 30, 2008 3:51 PM

Atlas shrugged.

Posted by: jim M | June 30, 2008 3:52 PM

"And they say Al Gore isn't funny. Well, wait until they get a load of my New Yorker cartoon! Hey, are you writing this down? This isn't dictation. Don't print this as the caption. The real caption is... shit... hold on, my cell phone is..."

Posted by: DanMc | June 30, 2008 3:57 PM

"No, 'HE' plays MARBLES with the universe ! ....Fuckin' Einstein !"

Posted by: N.O. it all ! | June 30, 2008 3:58 PM

" Hold on rhymes with a female body part. The way I see it, the impact point will be smack-dab in the middle of the PACIFIC TRASH VORTEX and wi'll be covered with plastic shit and Laysan Albatross guts. "

Posted by: Dr Sumguy | June 30, 2008 4:02 PM

"Don Quixote was a fag!"

Posted by: dwilk | June 30, 2008 4:06 PM

"What on earth-?"

Posted by: Mort Drucker | June 30, 2008 4:09 PM

"By my calculations it's moving downhill at the rate of about an inch a century giving us just enough time to grow oblivious to that fact and eventually be crushed."

Posted by: Mort Drucker | June 30, 2008 4:17 PM

"OMG! We're going to roll over a car!"

Posted by: Globie | June 30, 2008 4:22 PM

"It's got us locked in a tractor beam, Captain. I'm trying auxillary power but it's not e--oh... wait a sec, my bad...the parking brake was on."

Posted by: Mort Drucker | June 30, 2008 4:22 PM

"If I don't get at least an Honorable Mention, I'm going to drive into the Earth and wipe out everyone on it."

Posted by: Diana's Driver | June 30, 2008 4:24 PM

" SHIT! Harold, hit the hi-beams again! These CONTINENTAL DRIFT HYBRIDS think they can hog the diamond lane at 0.000014 mph. "

Posted by: Dr Sumguy | June 30, 2008 4:25 PM

"You call that a planet!?"

Posted by: Mort Drucker | June 30, 2008 4:29 PM

"It drives so slowly because it's mostly Asian."

Posted by: Nick | June 30, 2008 4:42 PM

"Near as I can explain it, Boopsy, it's like a .. , well, like some humongous invisible wave-trough when you get in too close your Plutonian wharf back home, it, well, it just total sucks you up and in, to where you gotta 'flipper out' extra hard to stay off ? O.K. ? So you better put it in 52 nd, O.K. ? ....52 nd ! 52 nd, for Chris'sake ! Floor it, floor it, 'Boops' ! ........Jeez, spacewomen !"

Posted by: Sam L. | June 30, 2008 4:52 PM

[a South of the Border billboard on Mars]
"Holy Guacamole! Only 36 million miles to South of the Border!"

Posted by: MAtt | June 30, 2008 4:55 PM

"I, Earth Jr., shall now avenge the horrid death your gas-guzzling ways inflicted upon my father."

"Huh. Whadaya know about that? I always thought the earth was round, but apparently, it's actually an icosagon."

Posted by: Mike | June 30, 2008 5:12 PM

"Honey, isn't this more of a Gahan Wilson cartoon?"

Posted by: jim M | June 30, 2008 5:31 PM

Listen, kid, you're not going to have a career in set design until you grasp that all dystopian films require the head of Lady Liberty to signal our subjugation by apes or aliens. Now get rid of this ridiculous beach ball.

Posted by: Blaise N. Bore | June 30, 2008 5:53 PM

Don't run over that Brazilian hooker!

Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 30, 2008 6:00 PM

"Who wants to stop for sex slaves!"

Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 30, 2008 6:03 PM

JP: "Screw these Amber alerts, I'm taking you into the basement."

TINA: "Help me."

Posted by: LK | June 30, 2008 6:07 PM

Betty, there are billions of cunts in the world and I wound up with yours.

Posted by: J. Brown | June 30, 2008 6:11 PM

"Great! Great! And now a flat ! This 'Monroe Doctrine' tout of yours 's going wonderful, honey! Notice the roadside crowds ! Historians ! Bah ! ....Shut up, Petey !"

Posted by: Von Go | June 30, 2008 6:14 PM

Hello! 911?! I found him! King Kong just dropped a boulder on Highway 15. What? I don't know. He jerked off on it. No this isn't a crank call! Now? He's just napping on the side of the road. No problem, I'm not going anywhere. Oh, and bring tissues. Lots and lots of tissues.

Posted by: Stoo | June 30, 2008 6:20 PM

"When we get home, I'm gonna give that AAA a piece of my mind! Scenic route, my ass!!"

Posted by: Kathy H | June 30, 2008 6:24 PM

"Look, Honey! I can see our house!"

Posted by: Tim H | June 30, 2008 6:25 PM

The Panama Canals around here are obscene?
[might as well]

Posted by: J. Brown | June 30, 2008 6:39 PM

I told you no one goes to Epcot Center anymore.

Posted by: Urgh | June 30, 2008 7:32 PM

s/oogle/od/g

Posted by: Paul G. Brown | June 30, 2008 7:48 PM

"It's a small world, after all."

Posted by: LV | June 30, 2008 8:07 PM

1. "Are we there yet?"

2. "I think I missed Uranus."

3. "Fucking Asians."

Posted by: Jeff | June 30, 2008 8:40 PM

"'Count th'peckers'?! What th'sam hill game dat to learn yer kid, Earl ?! Yer dang road tricks ! ....(dere bees a heap..fuckin' erth !)

Posted by: Von Go | June 30, 2008 9:04 PM

"This, too, can be blamed on the Bush administration."

Posted by: E. C. Seegar | June 30, 2008 9:30 PM

"What am I, sputnik?"

Posted by: E. C. Seegar | June 30, 2008 9:31 PM

Oh, NOW you have to pee?

Posted by: E. C. Seegar | June 30, 2008 9:32 PM

"KIDS! Will you stop with the fucking texting and take a look outside? You're missing the whole damn world go by."

Posted by: Richard | June 30, 2008 9:44 PM

"Okay, we've seen the world. Can we go home now?"

Posted by: Dave | June 30, 2008 11:12 PM

"What the -- ???"

Posted by: Dave | June 30, 2008 11:14 PM

"Uh-oh -- I forgot today is Earth Day."

Posted by: Dave | June 30, 2008 11:15 PM

"This would be a whole lot more helpful if said somewhere 'You Are Here.'"

Posted by: MrHonorama | June 30, 2008 11:16 PM

"Ahhh -- another beautiful, cloudless day on planet earth!"

Posted by: Dave | June 30, 2008 11:26 PM

"Good morning starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below"... OK kids, all together now! "Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Early morning singing song."*

*actual lyrics!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 30, 2008 11:39 PM

"Uh-oh -- looks like it's 'no more Mister Nice Gaia.'"

Posted by: Dave | June 30, 2008 11:44 PM

"The hours here are obscene -- all 24 of 'em."

Posted by: Dave | June 30, 2008 11:53 PM

Leonard Bernstein!

Posted by: tito | July 1, 2008 12:08 AM

"Kids, wake up! It's the world's most convex mirror!"

Posted by: Joshua | July 1, 2008 12:11 AM

"PLANETARY EMERGENCY!!"

Posted by: Richard H | July 1, 2008 12:19 AM

Father: "Nice haul ! Hell on The Valley, however ! You'd think one these new geniuses 'd maybe bust the bottom a bit, hunh, son ?" Kid: "Oh, wow ! Gee, yeah, dad ! ... Like Venus ?!"

Posted by: Von Go | July 1, 2008 12:25 AM

"Chief, it's ADAM-12 here. We're out on an abandoned highway and - no, we haven't found that greek god fellow yet, but here's the thing... he's gotta be around here somewhere ."

Posted by: Vance | July 1, 2008 12:30 AM

" This is officer Jenkins in car 54. Seems the Giant Runaway Breast is loose again, disguised as a 42 foot Galica Globe! Appears to have a palpable lump in the region of Montana. Please send backup with a large scapel! "

Posted by: Dr. Sumguy | July 1, 2008 1:16 AM

"Actually, I was rather expecting this -- ever since we passed that giant shrugging industrialist a few miles back."

Posted by: Stevo Darkly | July 1, 2008 1:27 AM

"Does anybody else think that valley to our left looks vaguely vaginal?"

"Is that an old cell-phone antenna on our roof? Why do we still have that?"

"And I'd think to myself what a wonderful world ... if it wasn't impeding our forward progress."

"No, I requested Deep Purple's 'Highway STAR.' That's obviously a planet."

Posted by: Eddie Huffman | July 1, 2008 1:27 AM

"Well, I WOULD pass him, if he'd only stay in his own lane! ... Dammit, there's never a global policeman around when you need one!"

Posted by: Stevo Darkly | July 1, 2008 1:29 AM

"That's a world-class roadblock."

Posted by: Stevo Darkly | July 1, 2008 1:31 AM

"EEK! It's GAIAZILLA -- THE GLOBAL TERROR!"

Posted by: Stevo Darkly | July 1, 2008 1:32 AM

Father : "As what Centauri Chroniclers now rather consider a remarkable galactic instance of political overreaction to, and I quote, 'the dubious and arrogant nation-building ambitions of the Bush administration on Earth, the electorate in the U.S.A., having had it up to their {expl. deleted} with the aforesaid ambitions--then more,to be sure, their almost ruinous and nigh on disastrous international ramifications, broke off from the greater part of its planetary fellowship in disgust and dismay, so that, presumably, the risk of any further repetion in such awful vein must be halved, if not entirely precluded !' ....I am no astronomer, of course, kids ; no historian, to be sure ! But, yeah ! So Bush's to blame ! He totally screwed up ! --- Daughter: "Get off it, dad ! Don't be such a bore ! .... Sheez !"

Posted by: Von Go | July 1, 2008 2:01 AM

"I don't care if it is April 22. I'm not picking up any fucking hitchhikers."

Posted by: Richard | July 1, 2008 2:39 AM

"Do you think she knows about, you know... shrinkage?"

"I now see how, when built to scale, the earth must have been a colossal undertaking."

"But it can't be the end of the world: spheres don't have ends."

"Stop the world, I want to get off!"

Posted by: Brian L | July 1, 2008 2:40 AM

Left: a car driving down a highway.
Right: a stylized Planet Earth [not to scale].

Posted by: Jeffrey Kramer | July 1, 2008 9:23 AM

"Relax, Wile, it's just another of The Road Runner's tricks. Keep driving."

Posted by: djack | July 1, 2008 9:46 AM

"...with the focus, as usual, on North America."

Posted by: shadysidelantern | July 1, 2008 10:27 AM

"Judging by the fact that nothing is casting a shadow, I'd say its high noon."

Posted by: shadysidelantern | July 1, 2008 10:29 AM

"Look out! You're going to hit that elephant standing on the turtles!"

Posted by: shadysidelantern | July 1, 2008 10:30 AM

"Ironic. Smashing into Mother Earth with a Volvo."

Posted by: shadysidelantern | July 1, 2008 10:32 AM

"Man, I love Google Earth 4.3.7204.836!"

Posted by: shadysidelantern | July 1, 2008 10:44 AM

"Radio the giant patient that there is no infection on the head of his penis, only a surfeit of smegma. We're going to drive over to his wrist now and take his pulse."

Posted by: J.D. | July 1, 2008 12:13 PM

"Harold, stop the car, or we'll be really, REALLY big in Japan. Or Vanuatu."

Posted by: J.D. | July 1, 2008 12:50 PM

"Say, isn't that Barack Obama sitting up on top there pinching himself?"

Posted by: J.D. | July 1, 2008 12:52 PM

"I like going to the country. It's so earthy here."

Posted by: J.D. | July 1, 2008 1:13 PM

dont hit africa! they dont have insurance...

Posted by: thedamnit | July 1, 2008 1:30 PM

"Honey, you've always wanted to go to the Pitcairn Islands, right?"

Posted by: Kathy H | July 1, 2008 1:45 PM

Son: "Yeah, you right, sis! ....Hey, dad, why don't you give us some that 'golden daffodil', no, some that 'world is too much with us' bit of yours, I mean, while you at it ? .. Frigin' Wordsworth !" -- Daughter : "It a beachball, dad ! A dumb beachball ! ....Centaurians ! Phooey !"

Posted by: Von Go | July 1, 2008 1:47 PM

Don�t worry Carmon SanDiego! We are coming to help!

Posted by: thedamnit | July 1, 2008 3:01 PM

First giant pencils at work today, now this...

"Pardon me, car?... do you have any Grey Poupon?"

After being told to turn right at his anus, Jim realized that despite the earth's age of 4.54 billion years old, it really had a juvenile sense of humor.

Posted by: LP | July 1, 2008 4:50 PM

"I don't know dear, maybe we should turn around. The sky looks awfully strange with that patch of stripes above us."

Posted by: LP | July 1, 2008 4:59 PM

Father : "Say, it's only a paper earth a-light on a washboard road.!" --(to the tune of 'A Paper Moon') ----Son: "Jeez, I don't know, dad !"

Posted by: N.O. it all ! | July 1, 2008 5:40 PM

"Isn't the Global Positioning System supposed to go inside the car?"

Posted by: Richard H | July 1, 2008 6:18 PM

"Hey...think they sell fireworks at this exit?"

Posted by: Greg | July 1, 2008 6:27 PM

"You'd think Earth would know how to goddamned drive!"

Posted by: Greg | July 1, 2008 6:30 PM

"....and so the Siamese Twins moved to England so the other one could drive.."

Posted by: Greg | July 1, 2008 6:31 PM

"Sic transit gloria mundi my foot! That thing gets only 12 mpg highway!"

Posted by: E. C. Seegar | July 1, 2008 7:29 PM

"Huh. I don't remember Canada having those big lakes northwest of Lake Superior."

Posted by: Grexky | July 1, 2008 7:52 PM

"Get on your side of the road, asshole! What do you think this is, England? Oh, I see England. I see France. I see .. oh, the hell with the underpants line."

Posted by: Wemberley | July 1, 2008 7:57 PM

"Let's get out of here- I don't like the atmosphere."

"Jimmy, we'll be stopped at customs so put that damned rifle away!"

Posted by: LV | July 1, 2008 9:24 PM

Guy driving gas guzzler: "I'm haunted by the face of my victim."

Posted by: Vance | July 1, 2008 11:24 PM

CRANKED ON THE CAR STEREO: I'm on the highway to hell...

Posted by: al in la | July 2, 2008 3:21 AM

"I can't determine if this is brobdinagian or lillipution."

Posted by: Eusless Tilley | July 2, 2008 9:08 AM

"Look, they've repainted the fake moon set from the 1969 lunar landing."

Posted by: jim M | July 2, 2008 10:55 AM

Kids, I forget. In England, do planets drive on the left or r.....AAHRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!

Posted by: boneguy | July 2, 2008 11:00 AM

Hunny, back off a bit. I think you're in the 'no-zone.'

Posted by: TMo | July 2, 2008 11:41 AM

"Watch me nail Matt Lauer!"

Posted by: Kathy H | July 2, 2008 12:13 PM

"You were absolutely right, Midge. If you have to take the kids on a trip, do it on acid."

Posted by: Joshua | July 2, 2008 12:53 PM

"I'm always amazed at how much of the world is taken up by water and non-white countries."

Posted by: David John | July 2, 2008 2:48 PM

"Sir, I have to know real fast. Did I pass my driver's test?"

Posted by: Tim H | July 2, 2008 3:03 PM

"Who knew that E-ZPass� stood for 'Earth Zaps Your Ass'?"

Posted by: Tim H | July 2, 2008 3:07 PM

See? I told you those giant hands looked like they'd dropped something.

Posted by: Paul G. Brown | July 2, 2008 3:42 PM

We've seen the world. Now can we have kids?

Posted by: JF Miller | July 2, 2008 5:09 PM

"Beep! Beep!"

Posted by: Joshua | July 2, 2008 5:45 PM

"Berth?
Mirth?
Dearth?
Worth?
Girth?
Afterbirth?"

"Ah, shit, I give up."

Posted by: djack | July 2, 2008 8:49 PM

"Crap. The oil light just went on."

Posted by: Mort Drucker | July 2, 2008 10:58 PM

Earth angel, earth angel
Will you be mine?
My darling dear
Love you all the tAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Posted by: Pengy | July 2, 2008 11:25 PM

I spy with my little eye, something bigger than mom's ass.

Posted by: Shawn | July 2, 2008 11:45 PM

"Let's rape it."

Posted by: J.D. | July 2, 2008 11:58 PM

"Oh shit! I pushed the 'OnStar Global Conquest' button."

Posted by: al in la | July 3, 2008 1:01 AM

"I just painted it to look like a giant globe because it was the easiest way to sneak so much rock cocaine into the country. Now help he break this shit down into ten-dollar bags."

Posted by: David John | July 3, 2008 3:08 AM

"What on earth??! Wait... What OFF earth?!"

"Driving this stoned is an 'out of this world' experience!"

"First Global Warming... Now Global Loitering!"

Posted by: Johnny V | July 3, 2008 6:23 AM

"C'mon Zorg... Let's stop and ask for directions"

"Look! Earth... (which is kinda strange to call it 'earth' since about 80% of it is water.) Hey, hon, hand me a soda and some Doritos, please?!"

Posted by: Johnny V | July 3, 2008 6:27 AM

The small type on the windshield reads, 'Objects may appear smaller than they actually are'."

Posted by: Johnny V | July 3, 2008 6:28 AM

Are we there yet?

Posted by: Chris | July 3, 2008 9:27 AM

It was one of those nights. The kind of night you looked forward to all day, but as it approached, you dreaded like the shock of cold water when you first turn on the shower. My shift at Earthwatch would soon be over, and the thought of an 18-year-old Lagavulin, that peaty Islay, was all the glue that could hold me together. And then she walked in...

Posted by: mypalmike | July 3, 2008 11:49 AM

"Yeah, yeah...We see it: Ed's Amco...Tulsa, Oklahoma...$4.28 a gallon. Excellent! We're on our way...Thank you Mr. Cheney, your close association with the oil industry has once again served as well."

Posted by: al in la | July 3, 2008 12:38 PM

"I remember reading about this in Wired.

Posted by: J. Brown | July 3, 2008 2:56 PM

Father(sings): 1)Say it's only a paper earth 2)Rolling over a cardboard road. 3)But that oughtn't' be shak... wife,4) If YOU believe I'm 'plowed' ?! Mother(sings): 5)Nah, it's only a paper moon 6)Roiling over a washboard road ! 7) And we'd neither do 'smack', or 'leaf'! 8) If I believed....O, God !!!! Son(surviving-later sings): 9)'twas a rinky-dinky pile, 10) As 'booney' as car could fetch-- 11) But it wasn't,like, make-believe! 12) If dad had swerved.... Oh, Bitch!!

Posted by: N.O it all ! | July 3, 2008 4:47 PM

"Oh yeah? Well, hitting the Earth at high speed won't do our ostentatiously European sports sedan any damn good, either. Christ, Linda, use your head."

Posted by: Uncle Mike | July 3, 2008 6:58 PM

"Anyone for a circle jerk?"

Posted by: Pee Wee | July 3, 2008 8:37 PM

"Fascinating, captain. It appears to be a Class M planet, very similar to your own Earth. Nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere. Yet this planet has no Rachmaninoff, no Tiny
Tim, no George Bush."

Posted by: Spock | July 3, 2008 8:47 PM

"Oh shit, now both of us will be incontinent."

Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | July 3, 2008 9:51 PM

"George, when I said fuck the world, I didn't mean literally. Now look what you've done. Our taxes will double and we'll all be paying child support."

Posted by: GreenieStickemCaps | July 3, 2008 11:44 PM

"Ha ha! Now I get to punch you once for each Beetle on the entire planet."

Posted by: Rubrick | July 4, 2008 5:42 AM

"That? Funny story: Just to fuck with them I called WINS Radio and said 'Look, I'm a lawyer, I gave you your 22 minutes...Now, do I have to haul your ass into court?'"

Posted by: al in la | July 4, 2008 6:46 AM

I could definitly not shove that up my butt

Posted by: snack | July 4, 2008 3:22 PM

I told you the world was a crushing place.

The world may be round, but we'll be flat.

New car game:
1. Which ocean would you rather be engulfed in?
2. Which continent would you rather be squished by?
Answer quickly!

Let's turn on the headlights to annoy Peru!

I'm sorry to say this, children, but global warming has apparently eliminated clouds, wiped out Antarctica, and made both North and South America disproportionately large.

I still prefer Google Maps.

Posted by: Thide | July 4, 2008 8:02 PM

This was an existential crisis of such proportions that Efram was sure it excused the death of the peasant child trapped beneath the wheels of his Volvo.

Posted by: Rhys | July 5, 2008 8:32 AM

"Did you just see that?...that giant globe just ran over Dennis Hopper."

Posted by: J. Brown | July 5, 2008 10:07 AM

"The car-shaped meteorite obliterated all life on Earth, down to the last bacterium."

Posted by: Douglas Harrison | July 5, 2008 10:52 AM

"The car-shaped asteroid obliterated all life on Earth, down to the last bacterium."

Posted by: Douglas Harrison | July 5, 2008 11:02 AM

I was right the first time. Shit.

Posted by: Douglas Harrison | July 5, 2008 11:07 AM

"Jesus fucking christ!! Look at the size of that thing!!"

Posted by: Gibran | July 5, 2008 1:56 PM

"My first view--a panorama of brilliant deep blue ocean, shot with shades of green and gray and white--was of atolls and clouds. Close to the window I could see that this Pacific scene in motion was rimmed by the great curved limb of the Earth. It had a thin halo of blue held close, and beyond, black space. I held my breath, but something was missing--I felt strangely unfulfilled. Here was a tremendous visual spectacle, but viewed in silence. There was no grand musical accompaniment, no triumphant, inspired sonata or symphony. The planet was interfering with my Satellite radio."

"C'mon, muthafucka, let's play chicken!"

"No, that's not a Mitsubishi Eclipse."

Posted by: David F | July 5, 2008 11:25 PM

Don't look up, keep blowing!

Posted by: Yoland | July 6, 2008 8:44 AM

"Goddammit, I told you the Western Hemisphere can't drive for shit."

Posted by: DMan | July 6, 2008 1:54 PM

"Honey, if the Earth is ahead of us, where the hell are we?"

Posted by: DMan | July 6, 2008 1:59 PM

"Shoddy fucking Chinese contractors!"

Posted by: Mike S | July 6, 2008 9:08 PM

"Open the pod bay doors, HAL."