The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Bonus
I went ahead and put last week's contest out of its misery without realizing that the New Yorker is taking the week off, so there's no new contest.
To hold you over, here's a 1956 New Yorker cartoon by Alain. Submit your worst captions as usual, although this time there's no judging. The actual caption will be revealed next week, unless some kill-joy decides to look it up and post it first.
Original caption: "Young men, you’ve now reached the age when it is essential that you know the rites and rituals, the customs and taboos of our island. Rather than go into them in detail, however, I’m simply going to present each of you with a copy of this excellent book by Margaret Mead."
Comments
To help you transition into adulthood, may I present "Are You There, God? It's Me, Bodobobo."
Posted by: LK | June 9, 2008 10:32 AM
"I hope you don't mind - I brought along a dozen teenage savages."
Posted by: Vance | June 9, 2008 10:58 AM
"Blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah, Margaret Mead."
Posted by: John Tabin | June 9, 2008 11:24 AM
"Welcome, Yale class of 1968 graduates!"
"Please come forward and get your bible, after which we'll be cutting off a part of your dick. I'm not kidding."
"...and that's why even though the bible says fondling young boys is a sin I get to do it anyway. Questions?"
Posted by: MAtt | June 9, 2008 11:24 AM
"Each and every one of you has completed the Turban Heads' trials with distinction, and is hereby promoted to 'The Middle Passage'....whatever that is."
Posted by: Sam. L. | June 9, 2008 12:07 PM
It's called "To Serve Man". It's a cookbook. Because we're cannibals.
Posted by: therblig | June 9, 2008 12:23 PM
No winner? WHY BOTHER.
Posted by: ben c | June 9, 2008 12:39 PM
"Pubescent Provisional Warriors of the Bongo Tribe, you few who refused to fail, who characters determined you never to be left behind, I present you with author-signed first editions of MY PET GOAT, a story once so engrossing to the President Madison in America that he could not for whole minutes put it down, even while the British forces pressed their attack into the city of Washington, D.C. ! ....Enjoy."
Posted by: Sam. L. | June 9, 2008 12:55 PM
South Carolina in the very, very early days.
[Also: anyone referencing "MY pet Goat" on radosh.net should be banned for a period of not less than 30 days.]
Posted by: Vance | June 9, 2008 1:10 PM
See, white man OK. He give us paper for caca.
Posted by: Weller | June 9, 2008 1:23 PM
"You have done something really special here, Class of '56, something for which you may well be remembered even fifty, fifty-two years out --and so I am presenting you with whatever the hell these are, something left behind by two white kids on bicycles.... in white dress- shirt....headed (he! he!)for Land of Headhunters. ..Enjoy."
Posted by: Sam. L. | June 9, 2008 1:26 PM
"Learn this Koran well. Someday one of you will become president of the infidels and then the terrorists will win. God is great!"
Posted by: Joshua | June 9, 2008 1:32 PM
"And this is what we call a remainder. The book is "Rapture Ready."
Posted by: jim M | June 9, 2008 1:36 PM
"Someone needs to 'fess up -- who left all these Bibles here?"
Posted by: Dave | June 9, 2008 1:36 PM
"The black one."
Posted by: J | June 9, 2008 1:37 PM
"'ll be happy to sign copies of my new book, 'How to Become Old and Fat in Forty Easy Years.'"
Posted by: Dave | June 9, 2008 1:38 PM
"OMG. That guy is gaaaaaaaaay. He may make some good points, but I'm having trouble seeing it through all of the gayness."
Posted by: Joshua | June 9, 2008 1:50 PM
[With reference to the proposed ban of not less than 30 days for mentioners of MY PET GOAT on radosh.net, I should think such a penalty to be rather draconian, particularly in view of the 'no-win' situation obtaining here this week.... and in Iraq forever. And, hey, there's still a Second Amendment, right ? ]
Posted by: Sam. L. | June 9, 2008 1:51 PM
"Our rebel army leaders stole all the food that was sent here by the UN relief fund and kept it for themselves. All we have to give you children to eat is these books. I am sorry."
Posted by: JohnnyBGoodman | June 9, 2008 2:05 PM
"Agatha Christie has written a book about you boys. It is called "Ten Little N****rs."
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 9, 2008 2:08 PM
"What? I have my pants on backwards? Damn it!"
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 9, 2008 2:09 PM
"You won't eat these books? My pet goat would eat them!"
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 9, 2008 2:10 PM
[re: My 'My Pet Goat' defense a few captions above : Oops ! First Amendment ! Hey, I make mistakes...but not on foreign policy, or domestic security.]
Posted by: Sam. L. | June 9, 2008 2:14 PM
CATHOLIC ALTER BOYS--THE EARLY YEARS:
“Guys, as you know from Bible class, the apostles would often wrestle naked…."
Posted by: al in la | June 9, 2008 2:14 PM
"Who ordered the ham and swiss?"
"Thanks for coming out to the reading. Afterwards I'll be available for questions and I'd be more than happy to sign your copies of 'Liberal Fascism' personally. And if you want to buy extras for gifts [they make great gifts] I brought along plenty."
"It's a dating guide and a cookbook all in one. It's called 'My Pet Goat.'"
[In solidarity with the brave caption contestants of plucky Denmark]
"On the internet no one knows you're Adlai Stevenson."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 9, 2008 2:42 PM
"Get ready to read these words the fast way."
Posted by: Vance | June 9, 2008 2:45 PM
"OK, the next book is for Jango Fett. Jango, please step forward . . . "
Posted by: gary | June 9, 2008 2:45 PM
"Harriet Beecher Stowe, most kind American white lady, presenting we first generation Liberia signed copy her 'UNCLE TOM'S CABIN'-- P.S. us be 'viglant'( sic !) and careful. ....Enjoy !"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | June 9, 2008 3:02 PM
"Warriors-- Chief Bushmens speakee (sic)! Here we most up-date 'Tribal Intelligence Estimate' (TIE) evil plans Headhunter Tribes--they cannibal plus ! Read 'throughly' (sic!)..... Not enjoy."
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | June 9, 2008 3:29 PM
Little publicized first meeting of John McCain and Barak Obama.
Posted by: Jake | June 9, 2008 3:33 PM
"Before Pipi gets here I'd like you all to familiarize yourselves with her original adventures at Villa Villekulla"
(and sorry about spelling error our dear leaders first name in the last post!)
Posted by: Jake | June 9, 2008 3:39 PM
It is now your responsibility to give these recipe books to our Chinese prisoners. The title? Why "!Kung POW Cooking", of course.
Posted by: therblig | June 9, 2008 3:45 PM
We need to read this book so that we may feel shame for our lack of clothing, our polytheism, our carefree idylic lifestyle, and our innocence.
Posted by: pessimist | June 9, 2008 3:55 PM
"And so, as it was when I spoke, so it was when I wrote 'Old Jihads Never Why, They Just Blaze Away'. Al-Nasra, yours ....Ben-Laden, Ben-Laden ? Anyone seen Ben-Laden ?"
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | June 9, 2008 3:55 PM
"Those missionaries were delicious, weren't they? Here are their books. Take them if you like."
Posted by: Deborah | June 9, 2008 4:03 PM
"Hey, let's be careful out there."
Posted by: Deborah | June 9, 2008 4:05 PM
[as a citizen of Denmark, signatory to 'the coalition of the willing', I take offense at any remark, on or off radosh.net which might tend to suggest we here in Denmark are not fully as "brave" or "plucky" as the citizens of any other country in the world ! ... Harrumph ! That was rotten !]
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | June 9, 2008 4:12 PM
"They call us the last uncontacted South American tribe. Still, read this new Barbara Walters' book and tell me it's not self-serving tripe."
Posted by: Steve | June 9, 2008 4:17 PM
[ Hey ! What's that no doubt slighting reference above, to Adlai Stevenson, all about ?! Don't forget, it was 'Adlai' stood up to the Soviets at the U.N. with his 'until hell freezes over' rejointer, remark which will live in history, unlike most such 'ad hominem' attack-captions (except mine !)are fated to do ! .....Jeez ! Spendthrift 'Conservatives' !]
Posted by: N.O. it all ! | June 9, 2008 4:50 PM
Prophecy say, great caption writers soon be born in far away lands. Will have great magic to talk to all world. Will one day bring meaning to our lives. Will be big disappointment.
This book reveals how to please women sexually. It's too dark to see the writing, and we're all illiterate anyhow. So, basically, we're in the same boat as today's Americans.
Posted by: Walt | June 9, 2008 5:13 PM
Okay, who gets the cookbooks and who gets the headhunting manuals? With those beatnik haircuts, and our ritual breast-amputation practices, I can hardly tell the boys from the girls any more.
Posted by: Walt | June 9, 2008 5:56 PM
"Darfurian youth ! Latest unsettling 'ethnic violence estimate'(EVE), shaman 'Nota-dramus' instructing all youth, 'gather ye poppies while ye may' ! Sound like a bit of the old genocide, bit of the old de-population to you, gentlemen ? ....Anyway, here's his EVE ! You'll know what to do."
Posted by: Von Go | June 9, 2008 6:16 PM
"I hope you enjoyed our discussion here at Africa With Colonial Borders Bookstore. The Cristian god couldn't be here today but the skipper from Gilligan's island will be happy to sign His book for you."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 9, 2008 6:22 PM
"You know, every day's a good day when you've got a big dick."
Posted by: J.D. | June 9, 2008 6:27 PM
"Who wants these surplus copies of Howard Stern's Private Parts?"
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 9, 2008 6:27 PM
"Boys, we must prepare ourselves for the future. Pretend my penis is a light-bulb."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 9, 2008 6:43 PM
"Okay, where are all the white women... or any women for that matter?!?"
"The missionaries left these books. I never really cared for the missionaries... so you may do as I did... and eat the vegetables."
"I sold the village for this black rectangle with white leaves inside. I got a better price than the Indians did for Manhattan!"
Posted by: Johnny V | June 9, 2008 6:44 PM
"Take these dictionaries please and look up the words xenophobic, arrogant, racist, smug, parasitic, decadent, pasty ..."
Posted by: J.D. | June 9, 2008 6:55 PM
"You boys have been spending far too much time playing video games. So we're giving you each a book."
Posted by: Dave | June 9, 2008 7:09 PM
"So a monkey walks into a bar with a half eaten parrot hanging out of its mouth..."
[The man never finishes the joke. An errant hellfire missile hits the hut and incinerates everyone is this tableau, which is fairly typical]
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 9, 2008 7:11 PM
"The missionary from the Potterites was here, and he left us their Bible. Something about a sorcerer's stone."
Posted by: Dave | June 9, 2008 7:15 PM
"Book 'em, Danno!
Posted by: Dave | June 9, 2008 7:23 PM
"Boys, you're at that age when your bodies will be undergoing lots of changes. We're giving you each a book which will explain it to you."
Posted by: Dave | June 9, 2008 7:27 PM
Guys, we did it. You can put your clothes back on. We were featured on Radosh.net, so we finally got our XO laptops. Just remember, you are the barristers for the deposed King of Zimbabwe ...
Posted by: Jimby | June 9, 2008 7:35 PM
"It is 1956. Twenty years from now you and your children in the African subcontinent will be vaccinated for smallpox by emissaries of the World Health Organization. Shortly thereafter millions will sicken and die from a new disease called AIDS, 14,000 of whom will be Haitian nationals, who will return to their home country and spread the disease among their fellow countrymen and women, and among vacationing gay men from the United States. Noted scientists will acknowledge the strong possiblity of a connection between the vaccination program and the ensuing pandemic. Twenty years after that investment cartels from economic superpower nations will swoop in and buy up our fertile farmland for a song as food prices spike worldwide."
Posted by: J.D. | June 9, 2008 7:38 PM
1956: Academy Awards. (Photogravure of the announcement of Picture of the Year)
Posted by: Jimby | June 9, 2008 7:59 PM
We used to look like men and smoke boxes of cigars. You've come a long way, baby! Virginia Slims.
Posted by: Jimby | June 9, 2008 8:11 PM
Psst... Stinky Fat Bear! You think we should have asked for pretty beads instead of free book from Mead lady? Me can't read.
Posted by: Jimby | June 9, 2008 8:48 PM
"This primitive underwear is tickling my tush."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 9, 2008 9:05 PM
"In the year 2008, underneath this same cartoon redundant waning, (or is it waxing?)......crescent moon, one of you will carry a large cartoon bomb into a dinner party in cartoon Manhattan. God speed, and read the book if you'd like, it's about Christian pop culture, or something."
Posted by: djack | June 9, 2008 9:43 PM
"Your test results have came back, and I have to admit in my jubilation I snuck a peak at all your results! Congratulations! You all have AIDS!"
Posted by: Brian L | June 9, 2008 9:55 PM
"Yes, I am the famous openly-gay Bishop from New Hampshire and this is my civil partner. Can we please get past that and start this meeting of the Rajon Rondo lookalike fan club ?"
Posted by: djack | June 9, 2008 10:01 PM
Mr McGuire:
I want to say one word to you. Just one word.
Are you listening?
Benjamin:
Yes, I am.
Mr. McGuire:
Plastics.
Benjamin:
Just how do you mean that, sir?
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 9, 2008 10:08 PM
(Mr McGuire:
I want to say one word to you. Just one word.
Are you listening?
Benjamin:
Yes, I am.
Mr. McGuire:
Plastics.
Benjamin:
Just how do you mean that, sir? )
NICE!
Posted by: djack | June 9, 2008 10:18 PM
"You think it's easy to play percussion on a stack of Day Planners? Let's see you do it, you bunch of "Apocalypse Now"
extra rejects!!"
Posted by: djack | June 9, 2008 11:03 PM
"Who ordered the ham and Schweitzer on rye?"
"Inside you'll find my favorite recipe for Michaels Rockefeller."
"In Denmark no one knows you're Adlai Stevenson, you fuck."
"Mr. Kurtz, he open floor to questions."
"People in grass houses shouldn't stow 'Thrones' by Danielle Steele, so I'm giving you each a copy from my hoard."
"Me thinkum 'Punch' had better racist cartoons but Brendan Gil send free copies of new memoir so book club readum that."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | June 9, 2008 11:44 PM
"Since I'm the only one with internet access, I've collected this weeks most important blogs in these 15 books. I want you to give me hand written comments to the posts, so the authors can see what our views on the different matters are."
Posted by: C | June 10, 2008 12:38 AM
"Bound in the finest Corinthian leather they are of course not, stalwart graduates ! ...Would you believe hides of my pet goats ?"
Posted by: Von Go | June 10, 2008 1:14 AM
"They're twice as fast. And half the price."
Posted by: Vance | June 10, 2008 1:40 AM
Cap Posted by: Walt June 9, 2008 05:13 PM:
"This book reveals how to please women sexually. It's too dark to see the writing, and we're all illiterate anyhow. So, basically, we're in the same boat as today's Americans."
or
"The how-to books here are obscene."
Posted by: al in la | June 10, 2008 1:46 AM
"Sorry to interrupt your circle jerk, boys, but I think you'll find these Belgian chocolates better than cumming and obesity better than longevity."
Posted by: J.D. | June 10, 2008 5:24 AM
"We, the Tribe of Men with Five Penises, have been visited by Christian missionaries. They have given us each a pair of trousers which they promise will fit us like a glove. Ba-doom-boom."
Posted by: J.D. | June 10, 2008 5:28 AM
"Now that you all finished giving up all your belongings, including your clothes, let me present you with the holy book of god, together with a registered cupon to your own piece of land in the moon"
Posted by: Japonelio | June 10, 2008 6:05 AM
Having run out of smallpox-infested blankets, Lord Jeffrey Amherst distributes smallpox-infested hand towel gift sets to the natives.
Posted by: mypalmike | June 10, 2008 9:58 AM
"These themed Bar-Mitzvah parties are getting progressively out of hand. In any case, here are some new tefellin embossed with 'Happy Bar-Mitvah Bernie' on the straps."
Posted by: boneguy | June 10, 2008 10:41 AM
"Darfurian remnant ! Over the course of your lives, you will come to learn of many other tragic instances of political injustice in this world ! To keep our present misery in perspective, you have the choice today between either Alan Paton's CRY, THE BELOVED COUNTRY, or Steve Freeman and Joel Bleifuss's WAS THE 2004 ELECTION STOLEN ?. .... So congratulations ! Remember the days of MY PET GOAT --ha!ha ?"
Posted by: Von Go | June 10, 2008 12:48 PM
"Du nak ka lam na te': tom bak se kan-kan pra dun tak na 'bie bull', sik pra."
(Translation: "We have been given two options: replace our traditional creation myths with the ones in this 'bible', or die.")
Posted by: mypalmike | June 10, 2008 1:26 PM
With fronds like these, who needs enemas?
Posted by: therblig | June 10, 2008 2:27 PM
Hey, 3rd Row, move forward so I can better see your eager faces. Alain has nearly abstracted you out of existence.
Posted by: J. Brown | June 10, 2008 3:11 PM
" Enclosed are Ace bandages to be applied following your ritual circumcision by Dr.Kuturkochoff. "
Posted by: Dr Sumguy | June 10, 2008 4:47 PM
"A slight misunderstanding has delayed the distribution until after moonrise, as you may have noticed, kids-- sorry ! These are 'teaching aids'(otherwise known as books), gifts from A.I.D., more fully known as the Agency for International Development in the great U.S.of A. Eleanor Roosevelt and-- you know, Adlai Stevenson, were big supporters. ... So learn, O.K. ? "
Posted by: Von Go | June 10, 2008 5:33 PM
"Please tell your American "uncles" that our website is now subscription-only."
Posted by: Richard H | June 10, 2008 5:38 PM
"Hillary requests that you support Barack Obama with the same passion you brought to her campaign."
Posted by: Richard H | June 10, 2008 5:40 PM
"I'm giving each of you a book. Apparently Americans have no use for them any more."
Posted by: Richard H | June 10, 2008 5:42 PM
"If you have any questions about our tribe's 'don't ask, don't tell' policy, please see page 75."
Posted by: Richard H | June 10, 2008 5:43 PM
"Even though there will be no winner this week, we respectfully ask that you adhere to Radosh's five-submissions-per-person policy, which has served us well since 1956."
Posted by: Richard H | June 10, 2008 5:45 PM
Everyone should read this book--with the possible exception of Stephen Baldwin.
Posted by: A.J. Jacobs | June 10, 2008 6:08 PM
Does anyone have a betamax player?
Posted by: Danny | June 10, 2008 8:46 PM
At least I know I won't end up on dateline here.
Posted by: Danny | June 10, 2008 8:47 PM
"You are right, I have always known about man. From the evidence, I believe his wisdom must walk hand and hand with his idiocy. His emotions must rule his brain. He must be a warlike creature who gives battle to everything around him, even himself."
Posted by: Dr. Zaius | June 10, 2008 10:31 PM
"Now that you're all bar mitzvahs, it's time that you got your very own torahs, each autographed by Woody Allen and Mel Brooks, both of whom will be a lot more famous in a few years. Let me hear you say 'oy!'"
Posted by: Yeshiva | June 10, 2008 10:46 PM
Boy, this is rich, we're standing here dormant for 52 years waiting for some intelligentsia spawn of the white devil to come up with something super witty for this cartoon. Whoopee, a new caption for this old cartoon. Don't worry about us, we'll be fine, assholes. Yea, Africa will be one big party after you leave.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 11, 2008 2:05 AM
"In the event that this depiction of scantly clad teenage boys may one day raise issues of morality and good taste, I want you each to look like you're reading a book."
Posted by: al in la | June 11, 2008 2:26 AM
Grow a penis.
Love,
Spiro Agnew
Posted by: pudhaus | June 11, 2008 10:23 AM
It's the latest in the "Left Behind" series although I don't know what the big deal is. Left behind, right behind, it's all good when you have no women.
Posted by: therblig | June 11, 2008 10:23 AM
"I'm showing you these so there's no mistake - these are the books we want you NOT to read. You hear me? Don't even crack the spine. They're filthy and immoral. They were published by ISP Publishers."
Posted by: Vance | June 11, 2008 10:53 AM
"It's the train schedule for the Dean Acheson, Topeka and the Santa Fe... Geez, tough room. You guys would have laughed if Mort Sahl had said it."
Posted by: Gray Nixon | June 11, 2008 11:19 AM
"Before I hand out the scores, the producers of 'South Pacific' have asked me to explain some ground rules. You will receive 50 American cents per performance, minus living expenses, which will be held for you until the conclusion of the run. You will not leave the shipping container during non-performance hours for any reason. If you are seen talking with representatives of Actors Equity, your families will be killed. But above all, have fun with it. Are there any questions?"
Posted by: Joshua | June 11, 2008 11:27 AM
bldfixznmid kfjkjfeind! boola, blooha. mxminoximary.okay?
Posted by: ro major | June 11, 2008 1:01 PM
"Since the introduction of the Boeing 707 last month, I've been able to spread this bullshit twice as fast."
Posted by: J. Brown | June 11, 2008 2:31 PM
"Zanzibarian youth ! Misters Hope and Crosby have wished to compensate us in a small way for the great disappoinment we had that their greatest 'Road' movie could not be produced here in Zanzibar, on-location. They apologize for 'this unavoidable delay of 15 years, until now in 1956'. They hold out hope, 'once rural electrification is achieved in your land, it may just be possible for you there in Zanzibar to enjoy the movie as well as the book--good luck on that !'. So come get your novels."
Posted by: Von Go | June 11, 2008 2:44 PM
Welcome initiates! (coughs)Here is your honorary copy of the American bestseller, 'Peyton Place.'
(to assistant: And they call us the Dark Continent!?)
Posted by: Mort Drucker | June 11, 2008 6:22 PM
"My many sons, your mothers will be happy to know I finally have received the birth control contraceptives I ordered 13 years ago!"
"Hey, stop drumming and answer me this, Oobah... When you look out at the tribe's many youth doesn't it feel like you are young again?.. but lost in a house of mirrors?"
Posted by: Johnny V | June 11, 2008 6:26 PM
Here's the idear. You take one of these and you sneak up, really quiet and slow up on some old sleeping zebra or antelope, see? An when you get really close you take this and you say WHAP, up the side of the head. Got it?
(And they call us the dark continent)
Posted by: Mort Drucker | June 11, 2008 6:29 PM
I was about to relate something to Hitler as cautionary tale for tribesman but me afraid of Radosh and his crony Professor Goodwin.
Posted by: J. Brown | June 11, 2008 6:29 PM
Here's the idear. You take one of these and you sneak up, really quiet and slow like on some old zebra or antelope, see? An when you get really close you go WHAP, up the side of the head.
(And they call us the dark continent)
Posted by: Mort Drucker | June 11, 2008 6:30 PM
Welcome Congo Community College Graduates, class of '56. Please accept your holy bibles. May you not stare at the pages in vain. Your caps and diplomas were destroyed by water buffalo. For all the ways I've failed you as a teacher, I am truly sorry.
Posted by: Mort Drucker | June 11, 2008 6:55 PM
Welcome to the book signing. So sorry the author couldn't make it. (Belch) Eh, Motumbo, do you have that auto-pen?
Posted by: Mort Drucker | June 11, 2008 7:06 PM
I present you with copies of the late Ms. Coulter's hilarious book about liberals. Hey, did she taste funny?
Posted by: therblig | June 12, 2008 8:06 AM
This fine statue of a pedophile organizing his smut tapes going once! Going twice! Sold to this group of identical dodecatuplets!
Posted by: George Michael | June 12, 2008 1:22 PM
Books made of cocaine.....very sneaky. You'll getting raises for this.
Posted by: pudhaus | June 12, 2008 2:43 PM
"Please read 'How to Get Ugly and Old' by next week. There will be a quiz."
Posted by: earlytimezone | June 12, 2008 2:56 PM
"As one of the first tribes involved in the fledgling ‘Cannibal Christians’ movement, I'd like you each to have a copy of this new book along with a replica of author's trademark pink shirt."
Posted by: al in la | June 12, 2008 3:20 PM
"Gentlemen, submit your worst captions as usual, although this time there's no judging."
"It's an Obama sock monkey, but it does lok like each of you - because we all look alike."
Posted by: JohnnyB | June 13, 2008 4:48 PM
"We're looking for a few good men who can rebound, defend in the paint and score in the clutch."
Posted by: kobe-in-la | June 13, 2008 8:10 PM
"This month's book is Auntie Mame, by Patrick Dennis. We'll discuss it on the first Monday of next month, as per our custom. The meal shall be potluck, and I shall supply enough coconut milk for everyone!"
Posted by: David F | June 14, 2008 12:23 AM
"If you read it's contents you will be told of a great story... a child with a father from above... how this child uses his supernatural powers to help... his desire to make this place a better one... and in this issue, his arch-rival Lex Luthor almost wins!"
Posted by: Johnny V | June 14, 2008 7:01 AM
"This book will tell you the future. You don't know Ronald Reagan, the actor, but guess what - the United States will elect him president and he will be a mediocre and disconnected leader who falls asleep during meetings, and when he dies everyone will look back at him with rose-colored glasses because things will have really gone to shit when he dies. But I digress - Oh, just don't worry too much when Y2K comes."
Posted by: Seer | June 14, 2008 12:01 PM
Make sure you take care of these bibles, because I had to eat a shitload of Gideons to get them.
Posted by: therblig | June 14, 2008 10:39 PM
. . . so I ask her, "Ubangi?" She says "You betcha!"
When you get to America, every one of you -- yes, you too, Shorty -- will be playing the pivot, on the block with your back to the basket. Now here's your guide to what's known as the "triangle offense."
Posted by: B'nai tha K | June 15, 2008 2:09 AM
"Each of you only gets one book-shaped muffin."
Posted by: John | June 15, 2008 2:09 PM
"And when the white man tells you to lift up your skirt and bend over, you have to do it or God will be angry. It says so right here in this book. Okay, everybody, the ship leaves in three minutes."
Posted by: Joshua | June 15, 2008 2:12 PM
This month, instead of food, the Americans have sent us four hundred signed copies of "The Right Man : An Inside Account of the Bush White House" by David Frum.
Posted by: bakum | June 15, 2008 2:17 PM
I SAID... WHO wants to be circumcised FIRST?!!!
Posted by: Tim A.G. | June 15, 2008 3:14 PM
...that Faye Dunaway has some really nice breasts doesn't she.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | June 15, 2008 4:39 PM
So, we're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize?
Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.
Posted by: cgb | June 15, 2008 4:40 PM
"Oh, Jesus. Are they the niggers or are we the niggers?"
Posted by: Jesse | June 15, 2008 9:44 PM
Christ, what an asshole!
Posted by: Ernest | June 15, 2008 11:39 PM
Sorry, we're all out of pickles but these here are almost as salty.
Posted by: myxlplk | June 16, 2008 1:46 AM
Free Bibles for anyone who wants them. Spoiler alert: there is no God.
Posted by: vinceneilyoung | June 16, 2008 2:21 AM
Here's a book to read while you wait for me to cut off your foreskin.
Posted by: Daveeed | June 16, 2008 7:53 AM
"So Central Casting called. They said we weren't 'savage' enough. To address this, I want you all to have a copy of 'I Am Sambo,' and then proceed to Mbembe's hut for nasal bone insertion."
Posted by: Steve | June 16, 2008 10:41 AM
"The U.S. government has not only offered to build us that well, but they've chosen to give you boys free medical treatment in the fine city of Tuskegee."
Posted by: pe7ham | June 16, 2008 11:38 AM