The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #148

"No, watching American Idol in solitary is not cruel and unusual punishment. On a widescreen TV it's REALLY cruel and unusual punishment."

Posted by: Galoux | May 26, 2008 11:08 AM

"The black one."

Posted by: Clambone | May 26, 2008 11:10 AM

"And make it fast, because two of them really have to pee."

Posted by: Slide | May 26, 2008 11:21 AM

"Which two walked into the bar?"

Posted by: MIchael | May 26, 2008 11:34 AM

"The guy second from the left? And you say he MADE YOU DO IT?"

Posted by: GilbertBob | May 26, 2008 11:38 AM

"For God's sake, hurry it up."

Posted by: GilbertBob | May 26, 2008 11:38 AM

"We believe in religious freedom most of the time. But one these guys is gonna be locked away for a long, long time."

Posted by: GilbertBob | May 26, 2008 11:43 AM

"You really see all that? I just see a blank wall."

"Yes, they're all available for adoption. All we ask is that you give them a good home."

Posted by: Deborah | May 26, 2008 11:45 AM

"Can you believe they kicked me out of the Village People and replaced me with the four-armed guy?"

Posted by: Jacob C | May 26, 2008 12:05 PM

"Just point to the guy who stole your leather jacket and pitchfork, ma'am. It's not that hard."

Posted by: Jacob C | May 26, 2008 12:07 PM

"If you look carefully in the upper right hand corner, you can see Zeus raping a cow. This used to be a framed photo of The Ten Commandments. Goddamn activist judges."

Posted by: J | May 26, 2008 12:08 PM

�Next window, ma�am. This is our plainclothes unit.�

Posted by: dwilk | May 26, 2008 12:14 PM

"Zee inspector have us round up zee UNUSUAL suspects, madame."

Posted by: Sam L. | May 26, 2008 12:14 PM

'C'mon, c'mon, make your mind up. Only one in ten rapes results in a successful conviction anyhow.'

Posted by: Tim | May 26, 2008 12:19 PM

None of them. As far as I know.

Posted by: therblig | May 26, 2008 12:24 PM

Take your time, ma'am. Just tell us which one you saw killing Mr. Hitchens.

Posted by: therblig | May 26, 2008 12:26 PM

The guy in the middle's been executed for his crimes, but he keeps on coming back.

Posted by: LK | May 26, 2008 12:27 PM

"All right, Mary, which one of these perverts raped you?"

"What do you mean 'the rapist was of the same substance' as Number One, Mary?"

Posted by: TG Gibbon | May 26, 2008 12:54 PM

�So, while number three held, number one came down hard on you for having sinful thoughts?�

Posted by: dwilk | May 26, 2008 1:07 PM

"So which of these guys is responsible for David Remnick being murdered by extremists next week? Take your time."

Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | May 26, 2008 1:11 PM

"A thousand pardons, my 'cherie' ! Here then are our SECTUAL probationers. You could not hold zee easy presumption against me, no -- my pretty one ?"

Posted by: Sam L. | May 26, 2008 1:22 PM

"Sorry... I am dyslexic. I thought I was supposed to find the 'GOD" who attacked you!"

"... and you too can start your own religion... like these network marketers before you!"

"The dyslexic artist titled this painting: 'God-day Afternoon'.

Posted by: Johnny V | May 26, 2008 1:25 PM

"The conditions here are divine!"

Posted by: Johnny V | May 26, 2008 1:27 PM

"...and they took the FUN out of Fun-damental"

"...and this High-Definition Big Screen TV gets ALL the Religious Channels... all at once!"

"I call this one 'I Budda my Forks from both ends".

Posted by: Johnny V | May 26, 2008 1:33 PM

"Voila ! These stank 'to high heaven'-- as you described, madame."

Posted by: Sam L. | May 26, 2008 1:40 PM

"Yes, we know your description more closely fit ALLAH, but we could never win a conviction....not here in France, anyway."

Posted by: Sam L. | May 26, 2008 1:59 PM

" The Blubba, for instance ? He seems to be eyeing your purse with a speculative gleam ? We may rule out those lesbians, I think. .... Vile ! For shame !"

Posted by: Sam L. | May 26, 2008 2:15 PM

See, he's not dead, just waiting for his hearing like the rest of them.

Posted by: jake | May 26, 2008 2:16 PM

We keep 'em in separate cells.

Posted by: jake | May 26, 2008 2:22 PM

OK, so which is the nihilistic bastard who destroyed your ego and with it all attachment to our current plain of existence?

Posted by: jake | May 26, 2008 2:25 PM

"That one! The one on the left! *He* stole my pur...oh wait, it's here in my hand. Ha ha! He he he."

Posted by: Jangler | May 26, 2008 3:12 PM

Yeah, the artist died before he could draw the mouth on the last one. I like to think it was intentional, like Mona Lisa's eyebrows. Or Michael Jackson's nose.

Posted by: Jimby | May 26, 2008 3:21 PM

You probably noticed Mohammed is missing. No one knows what he looks like.

Posted by: larryandmarco | May 26, 2008 3:32 PM

"Okay, Mrs. Kresge. You can keep the whole set, or you can take a risk and trade for what's behind Door #3."

Posted by: Anonymous | May 26, 2008 3:32 PM

"You gotta pick one, Mrs Johnson. Heads in the Sand is no longer an option."

Posted by: GilbertBob | May 26, 2008 3:37 PM

"I see your point, Nina. These are not the kind of outfits you'd expect from an Intelligent Designer."

Posted by: GilbertBob | May 26, 2008 3:45 PM

I painted it in college. I was so trite before I joined the Nazi Party.

Posted by: Urgh | May 26, 2008 3:50 PM

"Only number two can break the Da Radosh code--something about; 140141143
143144145
146147146."

Posted by: dwilk | May 26, 2008 3:56 PM

Lady! Get the fuck out of here!

Posted by: JImby | May 26, 2008 4:57 PM

Holy shit, Lady! I'm not joking. Get the fuck out of here!

Posted by: Jimby | May 26, 2008 5:00 PM

I FIND YOU VERY ATTRACTIVE! PLEASE SPIT IN MY HAND SO I MAY ANALYZE THE QUALITY OF YOUR BREATH!

Posted by: JIMBY | May 26, 2008 5:15 PM

"It's hard to imagine people used to believe in this shit."

Posted by: Dave W | May 26, 2008 5:17 PM

"Miss Garafolo, you've lost weight."

Posted by: J.D. | May 26, 2008 5:58 PM

"I think our team of consultants can help you, Mrs. Clinton."

Posted by: J.D. | May 26, 2008 6:07 PM

Don't get too stressed out, miss. It's only a matter of getting those tablets back to their rightful owner.

Posted by: boneguy | May 26, 2008 6:12 PM

"Pick your sperm donor, ma'am, and we can get started."

Posted by: J.D. | May 26, 2008 6:13 PM

"Yahweh, Satan, Hotei, Shiva, the Ghost of Cristmas Past, a frumpy broad, and a French prison guard. Damn, standardized tests make my head explode! Ok, ok I'll guess. She picks Yahweh because she likes circumcised?"

Posted by: J.D. | May 26, 2008 6:37 PM

"These perverts' disguises can be ingenious--a turban here, a loincloth there--but a steamed-up mirror is a dead giveaway."

Posted by: Von Go | May 26, 2008 6:41 PM

"It's Casual Friday, so they let me wear my Capri pants."

Posted by: J.D. | May 26, 2008 7:00 PM

"Conceivably, the tapestry could pre-date Mohammed -- implying, thereby, an uneasy unity at one time, at least, between all of the world's major religions. It was unearthed from under The Temple on the Mount, of course !....Take all the time you wish, professor."

Posted by: Von Go | May 26, 2008 7:24 PM

"The Bible tells us that the devil is responsible. Look deep within your heart, and you'll find the strength to point him out. It's okay. Don't be scared. I love you."

Posted by: Damon | May 26, 2008 7:34 PM

"I must point out 'The Prophets' to you with this awkward and obviously limited extensibility of the right arm, due to a childhood injury I suffered at the hands of a fanatical 'religious bomber' while on vacation in Jerusalem with my parents....so excuse me if I disapprobate your taste in art, mademoiselle."

Posted by: Von Go | May 26, 2008 8:17 PM

"I must point out 'The Prophets' to you with this awkward and obviously limited extensibility of the right arm, due to a childhood injury I suffered at the hands of a fanatical 'religious bomber' while on vacation in Jerusalem with my parents....so excuse me if I disapprobate your taste in art, mademoiselle."

Posted by: Von Go | May 26, 2008 8:18 PM

"Now before you speak, ask yousrself, 'Wha would Jesus do?'"

Posted by: Dave | May 26, 2008 8:42 PM

Let's try this again: "Now before you speak, ask yourself, 'What would Jesus do?'"

Posted by: Dave | May 26, 2008 8:43 PM

"Lady, if you keep touching the paintings, you'll have to leave the museum."

Posted by: Dave | May 26, 2008 8:46 PM

"I'd put my money on the chubby one."

Posted by: Dave | May 26, 2008 8:47 PM

"Holy Moses! Get rid of your 'Devil may care' attitude and choose! Buddha hell do ya think you are to make me wait? I Vishnu had never been born. Shaman you!"

Posted by: Dave | May 26, 2008 9:01 PM

Go ahead, ma'am. One of them is Rap Sheet Ready.

Posted by: therblig | May 26, 2008 9:05 PM

"God loves you, and I love you. And you can count on both of us as a powerful message that people who wonder about their future can hear."

Posted by: Glime | May 26, 2008 9:30 PM

"Do you have blacks, too?"

Posted by: Glime | May 26, 2008 9:35 PM

Okay lady, who's your Diety?

Posted by: lawrence | May 26, 2008 9:35 PM

"Yes, you have just been given a powerful psychosis inducing medication. I hold in my hand the antidote. I will give it to you if you will just let me wear dresses in public."

Posted by: Glime | May 26, 2008 9:41 PM

"Lady, whadda ya mean 'none of these is your avatar'?

Posted by: NJtoTX | May 26, 2008 10:32 PM

"There're all here, except for L. Ron Hubbard who is battling galactic warlords in another dimension."

Posted by: reid savid | May 26, 2008 10:38 PM

"Buddha didn't grope you. It's a painting. The museum is closing in 15 minutes.

Posted by: Glenn | May 26, 2008 10:46 PM

"Yes, ma'am. You go ahead and pick out the bastard that gave your little girl leukemia."

Posted by: Richard | May 26, 2008 10:46 PM

"Come now, Nancy. You know full well that the rules of The Bachelorette

require your giving a rose to three of them."

Posted by: Tim H | May 26, 2008 10:50 PM

It was the lady in the black dress.

Posted by: Ben C | May 26, 2008 10:57 PM

"Yeah, it sucks to have to work on Halloween.. Anyhow, I guess we should get started. These people paid good money to watch us fuck."

Posted by: mypalmike | May 26, 2008 11:58 PM

There are not many hentai shemale paysites around. Most of them suck! Why? Because it's poorly drawn shit by Americans.

Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | May 27, 2008 12:31 AM

Remember, it's a two-way mirror, so they can't see you. They can, however, read your thoughts and control your dreams.

Posted by: Ernest | May 27, 2008 12:35 AM

Uh???? Errr???? Hmmm???? I got it. It's the Osmonds. Right? Am I right?

Posted by: Caleb | May 27, 2008 12:58 AM

"It was Shiva with a pitchfork that attacked me but my Shiva was black...and this is a New Yorker Cartoon, bla bla."

Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | May 27, 2008 1:00 AM

Thanks for applying for the Emperor's Club. These are our faithful VIP members eager to meet you.

Posted by: Caleb | May 27, 2008 1:06 AM

Wouldn't having four arms be great. You could hold a weapon, eat a sandwich, and fondle yourself all at the same time.

Posted by: Caleb | May 27, 2008 1:09 AM

Yes, those are my missing lawn ornaments.

Posted by: Edain | May 27, 2008 1:10 AM

"Father Abraham had many sons, and many sons had Father Abraham. I am one of them, and so are you. So let's just praise the Lord. Right arm."

Posted by: mypalmike | May 27, 2008 1:20 AM

I told them we were all sold out, but they won't leave and insist I give them tickets to the KISS concert.

Posted by: Caleb | May 27, 2008 1:22 AM

These are all your kids? I thought you said you were the VIRGIN Mary.

Posted by: Caleb | May 27, 2008 1:26 AM

"You're single, you're lonely, you've had a few drinks...Stop wasting my time, lady. It's obvious which one is going home with you."

Posted by: al in la | May 27, 2008 1:31 AM

"Normally this would be one-way glass, but since they're all omniscient anyway, there didn't seem much point."

Posted by: Rubrick | May 27, 2008 2:07 AM

Yes, I'd like a fillet of fish combo.

Posted by: J. Brown | May 27, 2008 2:43 AM

"Lady, this plasma HD TV is so advanced, even the concept of religion becomes clear and sharply defined."

Posted by: JohnnyB | May 27, 2008 7:41 AM

"Look,lady, I know you said your attacker wore large floppy shoes, had a fake red nose and squirted seltzer, but this is the best we could do. So pick one already."

Posted by: Tim H | May 27, 2008 9:48 AM

"Yes, Ma'am, Shakespeare in the Park does look very interesting this year."

Posted by: Kathy H | May 27, 2008 9:51 AM

Pick a god, any god.

Posted by: therblig | May 27, 2008 10:12 AM

"This the ugliest woodcut print in the museum."

Posted by: thecitydesk | May 27, 2008 10:28 AM

"The snake is real."

Posted by: N.O. it all ! | May 27, 2008 10:44 AM

"Come, come, madame ! As you have accused your assailant of 'unsolicited kissing', I think we may now at the very least remove one of these from suspicion."

Posted by: N.O. it all ! | May 27, 2008 11:00 AM

"You will tip me, no -- ungrateful American imperialist ?"

Posted by: N.O. it all ! | May 27, 2008 11:09 AM

Ok, you picked the devil, so I assume we're looking for a Muslim or a Jew...or a Black.

Posted by: therblig | May 27, 2008 11:09 AM

"P-R-A-D-A, stupid ! The El Prado--with an O-- that's the museum in Madrid, remember ? ....Duh !"

Posted by: N.O. it all ! | May 27, 2008 11:43 AM

"Yes, we understand your attackers stomped you with their boots, but can't you recall anything at all of their upper parts."

Posted by: N.O. it all ! | May 27, 2008 11:52 AM

"I just don't know, officer. They all look the same to me."

Posted by: TMo | May 27, 2008 11:52 AM

"Definitely the Christian god. His beard was all tickley."

Posted by: TMo | May 27, 2008 11:53 AM

"The critics have all come to see your one-woman show. Now don't be nervous."

Posted by: jim M | May 27, 2008 12:13 PM

Nietsche has testified that God is dead and in an ironic twist we have created a lineup to determine who the suspected victim is. Please identify your concept of God.

Posted by: JohnnyB | May 27, 2008 12:17 PM

"It looks great now, but when we shrink it down to 3" x 10" it's going to be hard to identify any of the faces. Can you come up with a simpler design that will actually work on a bumper sticker?"

Posted by: Jesse | May 27, 2008 12:18 PM

I have arranged this lineup as a ruse, Madamn. Your claim about a purse snatching is obviously false, as you have your purse with you. None of these Gods can save you now from a charge of filing a false police report.

Posted by: JohnnyB | May 27, 2008 12:21 PM

"Every applicant for this job has to answer this timeless riddle: Why is it that only Satan gets to wear a leather jacket?"

Posted by: Vance | May 27, 2008 12:37 PM

"Where's your messiah now, nyahhhh?"

Posted by: Vance | May 27, 2008 12:43 PM

"And this is a collection of the world's largest netsukes."

Posted by: jim M | May 27, 2008 12:43 PM

"Is that so? We don't get many virgins here. Interesting. Anyway, we're ready so take a good look and tell us if you see the one who knocked you up."

Posted by: Joshua | May 27, 2008 1:02 PM

Ma'am, do any of these guys look like the entity who gave your husband cancer?

Posted by: Leah | May 27, 2008 1:08 PM

We have a line-up of Known violaters of religious freedoms. Which one of these "deities" violated you?

Posted by: Lucas | May 27, 2008 1:47 PM

"Why no Mohammed? Geez, lady, if you knew the guy's name why did you let us round up all these gods for a police lineup?"

Posted by: Chris | May 27, 2008 1:52 PM

"Why no females? Geez, lady, are you a rape victim or an ERA activist?"

Posted by: Chris | May 27, 2008 1:55 PM

"Hurry up, lady, these guys have a lot of acting in mysterious ways to catch up on. Geez."

Posted by: Chris | May 27, 2008 1:57 PM

"Lady, if there really is an Intelligent Designer, then show me who the hell created that outfit."

Posted by: LV | May 27, 2008 2:01 PM

"I realize that a line-up of deities who are never seen might not be the most useful exercise in narrowing down the culprit, but it's all we have."

Posted by: David | May 27, 2008 2:14 PM

"They may ignore prayer, but they can't ignore a summons."

Posted by: David | May 27, 2008 2:14 PM

"Hey Buddha! Stop playing with your nipples!"

Posted by: David | May 27, 2008 2:15 PM

"Look, how hard can it be to pick Bob Barr's running mate?"

Posted by: Kathy H | May 27, 2008 2:16 PM

"Enough about the painting, Ma'am. Tell me, what you think of my jack-boots?"

Posted by: David | May 27, 2008 2:17 PM

Polish rapist lineup." Thats the woman! "

Posted by: Dr Sumguy | May 27, 2008 2:18 PM

"Very true ! There would seem to be a very decided and unaesthetic imbalance as between light and dark in this work when taken apart from its whole; but I will point out to you that the light-colored security-guard's shirt which I wear to the right re-establises the light-dark harmony of the cartoon's entirety (or 'tout ensemble', as we French have it ). -- Oui, oui, madame ! We are --how you Americans say ? --some 'clowns' !"

Posted by: Von Go | May 27, 2008 2:35 PM

Sorry, Ma'am, there is no "freedom from religion" -- you have to pick one.

Posted by: Mark | May 27, 2008 3:07 PM

"...And here is my prized poster of Gwar WITHOUT their masks..."

"Sigh -- for the last time, ma'am, NONE of these are Keyser Soze."

"Yeah, by the looks of this 'coming soon' poster, the next super-hero team-up movie's gonna totally kick ass!"

Posted by: Leppo Softboy | May 27, 2008 3:29 PM

"Sorry, Ma'am, but 'Dd' is not one of the choices."

Posted by: Kathy H | May 27, 2008 3:57 PM

Yes, I'd like a Witch Doctor Sandwich, remove the bone, and a side of Kevin Spacey.

Posted by: J. Brown | May 27, 2008 4:13 PM

These tiny mirrors glued to my shoes is all need chase the blues.

Posted by: J. Brown | May 27, 2008 4:30 PM

These tiny mirrors glued to my shoes is all I need chase the blues.

Posted by: J. Brown | May 27, 2008 4:32 PM

These are all right-wing, conservative, Republican, religious fanatics who have screwed up our foreign policy.

Posted by: JohnnyB | May 27, 2008 5:00 PM

"Do you see your savior in this line up?"

"Unfortunately they all have superpowers, so the one-way mirror can't protect your identity. So then, is one of these guys the rapist?"

"No one in this line up is the man you saw shoot the priest? Well then, I think I know who it is, but since we're not allowed to show his likeness he gets away with murder all the time."

Posted by: MAtt | May 27, 2008 5:22 PM

Okay, for the grand prize, which of these 'guys' sang Karma Chameleon?

Posted by: Christopher Hew | May 27, 2008 6:06 PM

"Do you recognize the one who didn't post last week's results?"

Posted by: Tiki | May 27, 2008 8:33 PM

There! Moses and the devil seen together in the same room. Happy now?�

Posted by: dwilk | May 27, 2008 9:23 PM

"...and this last exhibit is from the short lived reality show: "The Obvious Mole.'"

Posted by: al in la | May 27, 2008 10:30 PM

This is sort of racist, isn't it?

Posted by: emilymil | May 27, 2008 11:42 PM

"There's so much weird DNA on that little fat guy's belly I can't see straight. They all go on and on about good will towards men."

Posted by: kosmicki | May 28, 2008 1:59 AM

"You got any interest in just a regular guy? I ain't promising no zealots."

Posted by: kosmicki | May 28, 2008 2:06 AM

"It's the New Gods on the Block. They're huge with the home-schooled kids."

Posted by: Joshua | May 28, 2008 3:19 AM

"Your safe word will be 'Oh my God!' Are you ready to begin?"

Posted by: Joshua | May 28, 2008 3:22 AM

"We had to trap them in a two dimensional prison because they were stealing the fractions of cents from everybody's paychecks."

"'Honest to Blog?' What the fuck does that mean?"

Posted by: TG Gibbon | May 28, 2008 5:34 AM

"Where the 'fuck' is Jesus? I'm guessing in heaven, miss."

Posted by: boneguy | May 28, 2008 8:53 AM

Moses IS much shorter in person.

Take your time miss. This city will not rest until we find the animal who stole your trident.

Posted by: boneguy | May 28, 2008 9:00 AM

"OK, so which of our Life-Size Deity Ice Cream Cakes do you think little Susie will want for her party?"

Posted by: djack | May 28, 2008 9:31 AM

"Look, I can wave my hand up and down in front of you and there is no contact. You are, you will forgive me, flat as a crepe. The gods were most unkind to you in bestowing physical attributes and beuty. We take this very seriously in France. Thay will pay, madamn, I promise you this.

Posted by: JohnnyB | May 28, 2008 9:32 AM

Just act like it says "beauty", not beuty and pretend there is a closing "

Posted by: JohnnyB | May 28, 2008 9:33 AM

"Ma'am, I'd like to introduce Menudo."

Posted by: Tim H | May 28, 2008 9:58 AM

"OMG, that guy is wearing my jacket! That's him! He was the robber! Knew it the minute I saw him!"
-It wasn't until after the hanging that Claire realized she had been wearing her jacket the whole time.

Posted by: Brian L | May 28, 2008 11:21 AM

"Ok lady, which one took your soul?"

Posted by: Brian L | May 28, 2008 11:28 AM

"Just tell me which one grabbed both of your breasts and both of your buttocks simultaneously."

Posted by: Francis | May 28, 2008 12:04 PM

"I'm haunted by the faces of my victims."

Posted by: Galoux | May 28, 2008 12:21 PM

"And that's when I said, But Ken Jennings is already the female Ken Jennings! That cracked Mr. Trebek up good but he knows I'm just joshing cause Ken was a good egg. Anyways, audience line is around the corner. These guys are always here first, go figure."

Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | May 28, 2008 12:45 PM

"Was it any of these deities, or Boy George, that pilfered your purse, ma'am?"

Posted by: Mike | May 28, 2008 1:07 PM

And here we have a mural of several supernatural beings. Notice how they are all male. Now, if you will follow me ...

Posted by: Jason Olshefsky | May 28, 2008 1:28 PM

"So let me get this straight - Shiva held you down with all four arms while Buddha raped you? Buddha? That deity of nonviolence, tolerance, and respect for all living things? Are you sure it wasn't Satan? Or a couple of Puerto Rican guys?"

Posted by: Jacob C | May 28, 2008 2:34 PM

"...okay you're saying the 4 armed guy grabbed you and sent 'Shiva's' down your spine... and the bearded guy attacked you and it was divine...the guy with horns was devilishly good, Budda great time was had by all?!? Puns?!
Cliches?! 'Shaman' you... Great, you got ME doing it, now!!"

"Take your time... you can only believe in one..."

Posted by: Johnny V | May 28, 2008 3:41 PM

"Hurry up, Hillary, you only get one super-duper delegate to intervene on your behalf."

Posted by: Richard H | May 28, 2008 5:27 PM

"Choose wisely, my dear, for only one can get you from mid-town to JFK in 40 minutes."

Posted by: al in la | May 28, 2008 6:55 PM

�We tried Moses at left tackle but our quarterback was getting crucified.�

Posted by: dwilk | May 28, 2008 7:32 PM

" According to your accusation, the Chuby had the Chuby ? "

Posted by: Dr Sumguy | May 28, 2008 7:57 PM

" According to your accusation, the Chuby had the Chuby ? "

Posted by: Dr Sumguy | May 28, 2008 7:57 PM

By chance it turns out that for every crime ever commited the usual suspects come down to this same lineup of known demons and deities. No one know why this is the case or why they always elude arrest. But for the sake of perpetuating the sham of human justice and dignity, could you please just point toward the one who exposed himself to you.

Posted by: Mort Drucker | May 28, 2008 8:54 PM

"Buddha obviously wants you. God was supposed to be here but he sent Moses,who is trying not to stare at your breast, he's such a stunted jackass. I love your cankles, they're not quite calves but their not quite ankles. Do you have any pot in your purse?"

Posted by: djack | May 29, 2008 12:17 AM

CORRECTION:

"they're not quite ankles"

Misspelling a word already spelled correctly in the same sentence, perhaps a new Anti-Caption record.

Posted by: djack | May 29, 2008 12:27 AM

Look, lady - I don't care how original the sin was. Just pick out the perp and you can go home.

Posted by: therblig | May 29, 2008 12:41 AM

"...alright, Yahweh, what did you hear? 'The drain remains sprawling on the crane?' Haha! Alright, Ms. Janet Reno, what was the original message? 'The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.' Hahaha! Now wait a second... Lucifer! You changed it on purpose, you old so-and-so!"

Posted by: seth | May 29, 2008 2:40 AM

Telephone Joke II

"...what'd you hear, Yahweh? 'The quarter lies on the grass.' Haha! And Ms. Janet Reno, what was the secret message? 'The quarter lies on the grass.' UGH!! Come on! This game blows..."

Posted by: seth | May 29, 2008 2:58 AM

"I'm not supposed to give you a hint, but Randy Newman has already pointed out the guy in the middle."

Posted by: Kathy H | May 29, 2008 9:41 AM

And you're sure it was a blue dress? 'Cause this one was wearing the black jacket when we picked him up.

Posted by: therblig | May 29, 2008 10:36 AM

Ok, Mrs. Richman, he was like #3, only it's pronounced "Boo-da".

Posted by: therblig | May 29, 2008 11:22 AM

"Ma'am, do you recognize any of these people as the suspect?"

Posted by: Harry | May 29, 2008 11:54 AM

"We could hold Him for 'animal'. 'Anomalous'? ......Might be iffy."

Posted by: Von Go | May 29, 2008 1:00 PM

"Scott McClennan's new book reveals that the one with the devil horns and pitchfork is actually a low-life scumbag who lies and cheats...Who knew?"

Posted by: al in la | May 29, 2008 1:34 PM

With apologies, and special thanks, to 'al in la' : "Vincent Bugliosi's new book reveals that that 'chameleon' with both devil horns and pitchfork is actually your low-brow, fugitive President (hint! hint!) who murdered, American lady."

Posted by: Von Go | May 29, 2008 3:12 PM

"Okay, ma'am. Can you identify the perpetrator who is responsible for your shitty life?"

Posted by: Stevo Darkly | May 29, 2008 3:38 PM

"Please, Miss, you must pick one to be the new spokesman for Trident� Sugarless Gum.

Posted by: Tim H | May 29, 2008 3:39 PM

"I'm glad you're so certain it was the man in the devil costume. Though, unfortunately, they passed a law earlier this evening that effectively legalizes rape . . . No, I'm just kidding, it's still way illegal."

Posted by: David John | May 29, 2008 5:03 PM

Did I mention we're a UnItarian precinct?

Posted by: Mort Drucker | May 29, 2008 5:20 PM

You wouldn't believe the recidivist rate for these bums.

Posted by: Mort Drucker | May 29, 2008 5:30 PM

I gotta warn you lady, these SOB's are lawyered up like you wouldn't believe.

Posted by: Mort Drucker | May 29, 2008 5:38 PM

"Look, Ma'am, just say it was one of these guys. We'll get in trouble if we bring in Muhammed"

Posted by: GabrielF | May 29, 2008 9:45 PM

"....Yeah, right...I'm SURE they can't see or hear you."

Posted by: Greg | May 29, 2008 9:59 PM

".....not to mention it's one of the guy's poker night."

Posted by: Greg | May 29, 2008 10:01 PM

"...I do recall him telling me, he knew, with good authority, that the Cubs wouldn't win the World Series for ANOTHER 100 years...."

Posted by: Greg | May 29, 2008 10:09 PM

"I know they've all tried to fuck with your mind, but which one did you marry in Vegas?"

Posted by: Swaption | May 29, 2008 10:41 PM

"We caught them all wearing your underwear. That's why Buddha is smiling--he's got on your thong."

Posted by: Swaption | May 29, 2008 11:23 PM

"That's not dust. They're orbs."

Posted by: Deborah | May 30, 2008 7:28 AM

"OK, you may step back Number Two. Now Number Three, will you please step forward and say 'Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!'"

Posted by: Chris | May 30, 2008 1:08 PM

"Here we have on display the original cast of 'Friends'."

Posted by: Gray | May 30, 2008 4:41 PM

"Which Doctor? No, they aren't doctors, they're criminals."

Posted by: Brian L | May 30, 2008 9:28 PM

"And this is the most top secret of our prison chambers here at Area 51. We contain them because if they were ever released we'd have world peace, and that's bad for capitalism."

Posted by: Brian L | May 30, 2008 9:39 PM

"It was the 'whale?' I'm sorry ma'am, which one are you referring to?"

Posted by: RichM | May 30, 2008 10:18 PM

"Greetings, ma'am. How are you enjoying your visit to this museum, which is not a police station?"

Posted by: Jangler | May 31, 2008 3:36 AM

(Thinking) "Doing ketamine, scoping chicks. Man, this museum job is the shiznit."

Posted by: scb | May 31, 2008 10:04 AM

"Pick your favorite. We'll cook up a war to destroy the others."

Posted by: Glime | May 31, 2008 2:17 PM

We outsourced the line-up to Madame Tussaud.

Posted by: PLOR | May 31, 2008 3:57 PM

Wipe off that goddamn smile, number 3.