The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #144
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"Cod... sea bass... flounder... orange roughy... sex with my mother -- I mean, Arctic char..." —kejo
Finalists
"...and as a fireman, I'm totally perplexed. Shouldn't I be haunted by images of charred, coughing infants? What I wouldn't give some days to be haunted by images of charred, coughing infants! But no. Fish. Weird." — J
"What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh. What do you call a psychiatrist with no eyes. You!" [lunges at psychiatrist] —Mo Buck
Honorable mention
"..."
No bubble is coming out from their mouths, they can't be talking. —Noland
(No one is talking. They are drowned and dead. Dead people don't talk nor do people underwater.) —Jimby
"You're right Bob, these psychiatrist's office tank ornaments are way better than that stupid treasure chest that just opened and closed, and opened and closed, with bubbles." —Adam G
"The telekinesis began when I was little. Only recently did I start using my powers to control fish." —Harry
“That is one big fucking screensaver you got here, doc!” —dwilk
"Arrr...I've smoked too much California weed." —Anonymous
"And how does that make you [i]eel[/i]?" —Jangler
Comments
Ever since that day on the Pequod, I've been haunted by the vision of that small, white halibut -- known by the name of Moby Choad.
Posted by: kejo | April 28, 2008 10:07 AM
I keep thinking that I should have stayed in school. And you appear to have a shitload of fish floating in your office.
Posted by: therblig | April 28, 2008 10:08 AM
Magriiiiiiiiiiiite!
Posted by: kejo | April 28, 2008 10:12 AM
I see dead fish...
Do you see them now?
Posted by: simsburybear | April 28, 2008 10:18 AM
How long? Well, I guess it all started when I fell into that hole in the ice...
Posted by: simsburybear | April 28, 2008 10:27 AM
"Pisces. Why?"
Posted by: Tim H | April 28, 2008 10:30 AM
I'm trying to relax, but to tell you the truth, this reminds me of that time I went to marriage counseling...
Posted by: simsburybear | April 28, 2008 10:30 AM
You know those magical realism dream sequences on TV when people explore their psyche? Well, my dreams are fucking boring.
Posted by: Skraeling | April 28, 2008 10:34 AM
Glug glug glug
Posted by: Skraeling | April 28, 2008 10:39 AM
"I'm thinking about coming out of the locker."
"So she's all 'Hey, fishdick!' and I'm all 'You mean "fish-stick,"' and she's all 'no.'"
"My wife sleeps with the fishes."
"Nice air-freshener."
"I think you may have a conflict of interests on your hands, Dr. Paul."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | April 28, 2008 10:44 AM
"The hours here are 50 minutes."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | April 28, 2008 10:46 AM
(No one is talking. They are drowned and dead. Dead people don't talk nor do people underwater.)
Posted by: Jimby | April 28, 2008 10:46 AM
"I don't know, Doc. I keep smelling pussy."
Posted by: jim M | April 28, 2008 10:55 AM
When I was a beekeeper, it was bees.
Posted by: boneguy | April 28, 2008 11:00 AM
"You don't see fish floating in the air do you? Because if not, I think we need to talk about changing my medication."
Posted by: John Tabin | April 28, 2008 11:02 AM
"Strange thing, Doc. I'm a banker."
Posted by: Kathy H | April 28, 2008 11:02 AM
What the hell is "obsessive koi-pulsive" disorder?
Posted by: Amy | April 28, 2008 11:03 AM
Well that just makes sense that all the ichthys would be rapture ready.
Posted by: Amy | April 28, 2008 11:09 AM
"Each one that I've killed still haunts me, Doc. I see them everywhere. Yet I can't stop doing it. When I catch one and then see it flop and struggle to live: the gills flapping uselessly, the eyes bulging ... I actually experience an erotic charge and a.. a release. That's my life: catch and release, catch and release. And then the haunting; that's the part I want to stop."
Posted by: John | April 28, 2008 11:19 AM
"I feel like the only time I can open up is when I'm under this whimsical shower curtain."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | April 28, 2008 11:22 AM
"Stop looking up. You can't see them, only I can. Unless you can see them, in which case, why am I here?"
(by the way, the caption entered by "John" 11:19 was mine also. I was going to post it at #:16, but i screwed up)
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 28, 2008 11:24 AM
You're right Bob, these psychiatrist's office tank ornaments are way better than that stupid treasure chest that just opened and closed, and opened and closed, with bubbles.
Posted by: Adam G | April 28, 2008 11:24 AM
Witness Mr. Ishmael Bemis, a charter member in the fraternity of fishermen. A swarthy little man whose passion is the sea but who is conspired against by a boat captain and a mackerel and a world full of tongue-cluckers and the unrelenting hands of a clock. But in just a moment Mr. Bemis will enter a world without boat captains or mackerels or clocks or anything else. He'll have a world of fish all to himself, without anyone except a bearded psychiatrist.
::::::::
The best laid plans of mice and men and Ishmael Bemis, the small man in fisherman's regalia who wanted nothing but time. Ishmael Bemis, now just a part of a smashed landscape, just a piece of the rubble, just a fragment of what man has deeded to himself. Mr. Ishmael Bemis in the Twilight Zone.
Posted by: kejo | April 28, 2008 11:30 AM
Teddy Kagan discovers the red herring that begins it all, and The Rapture approaches in
The Tenth Fish
Posted by: kejo | April 28, 2008 11:54 AM
(singing) Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads, fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, Yum!
I can't get that song out of me head, doc!
Posted by: kejo | April 28, 2008 11:56 AM
1, 2, red, blue. So what? Tell me, Seuss, are you even a real doctor?
Posted by: therblig | April 28, 2008 12:01 PM
"One fish, two fish,
white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish,
white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish, white fish
white fish, white fish,
white fish, dead white fish,
white fish."
Posted by: djack | April 28, 2008 12:05 PM
I'm Catholic fisherman but I didn't attend mass often. My troubles started at my last confession when the priest said "My son, your fins will find you out".
Posted by: Fred M | April 28, 2008 12:13 PM
"Judging from your choice of office decor, Dr. Martin, I think you have some real issues to work through."
Posted by: Vance | April 28, 2008 12:18 PM
[Note to JohnnyB: The verse John 11:19 is the one about the loaves and fishes, right?]
Posted by: Tim H | April 28, 2008 12:23 PM
"Something smells fishy around here."
Posted by: Dave W | April 28, 2008 12:25 PM
"Fuck you, I'm paying $110 bucks an hour, so you can listen to my fucking fish tails."
Posted by: Glenn | April 28, 2008 12:26 PM
"Doc, your idea about countin' fishes to get to sleep...well, it ain't workin'."
Posted by: Kathy H | April 28, 2008 12:26 PM
"You never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns
When they all come down and did tricks for you
You never understood that it ain't no good
You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you."
Posted by: NJtoTX | April 28, 2008 12:28 PM
"Y'know ever since the ice caps melted and we've learned to breathe underwater, the fishing trade has really died off. There's millions of the fuckers about now and you can just grab one from in front of you. It's getting me stressed Doc."
Posted by: Dave W | April 28, 2008 12:29 PM
"I said I gotta take a piss! Visualize that, muthafucka.
Posted by: Arthut | April 28, 2008 12:32 PM
"It all started when I had sex with Abe Vigoda."
Posted by: Tim H | April 28, 2008 12:32 PM
They all slept with Luca Brazi.
Posted by: Tony | April 28, 2008 12:35 PM
"I don't know, Doc. I keep smelling Pussy."
Posted by: jim M | April 28, 2008 12:37 PM
"I thought I ordered the vichyssoise."
Posted by: Kathy H | April 28, 2008 12:48 PM
"That print is fucking trite."
Posted by: J.D. | April 28, 2008 12:49 PM
"Tell me more about the Gorton's Fisherman you see lying on the couch...and Felix, please stop wiggling your ass in my face."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | April 28, 2008 12:52 PM
"Doc, I got a rubber fetish, but I don't want to move to Akron."
Posted by: Tim H | April 28, 2008 12:54 PM
"Because, without them, Doc, this outfit makes no sense."
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 28, 2008 01:03 PM
"Grouper. In Jamaica they call them Jewfish. Go figure."
Posted by: J.D. | April 28, 2008 01:16 PM
I just feel that I'm, well, floundering. Odd because these aren't flatfish.
Posted by: therblig | April 28, 2008 01:24 PM
"This obsession follows me wherever I go, doc, I can't shake it. I see it everywhere. Look - even the number of decorative fish you have cluttering this office... 23! Another 23!"
Posted by: Vance | April 28, 2008 01:25 PM
"Doc, you've got to help me! I am no longer able to see the fish that float through the air!"
Posted by: Francis | April 28, 2008 01:28 PM
"Once again I am reminded that I work for scale."
Posted by: Kathy H | April 28, 2008 01:31 PM
"Wow, you were right. After helping you hang all these Finding Nemo chotchkies for your daughter's birthday party, I totally don't want to kill myself anymore. Not!"
Posted by: David John | April 28, 2008 01:33 PM
Yes I agree you're part of a dying breed much like the roof top antennas immortalized in the painting above you. Nonetheless we're making progress. I count about 30 fewer fish this week.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | April 28, 2008 01:36 PM
"What is it, Doc? Are you some sort of poor man's Alexander Calder?"
Posted by: Tim H | April 28, 2008 01:40 PM
"One of them is dead, already, doc; and one of them is dying. And when they are all dead, then I will die, too. Can you help me, doc?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | April 28, 2008 01:53 PM
"We're gonna need a bigger room."
Posted by: dwilk | April 28, 2008 02:07 PM
"You see them? You see them? You see the things that float and flop about you and through you every moment of your life? You see the creatures that form what men call the pure air and the blue sky? Have I not succeeded in breaking down the barrier; have I not shown you worlds that no other living men have seen?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | April 28, 2008 02:09 PM
" ... Look, look, curse you, look... it's just over your left shoulder..."
Posted by: stcoleridge | April 28, 2008 02:12 PM
"How long? Since "OVERBOARD" in 1987.Fucking Goldie Hawn Fish ARE everywhere!"
Posted by: Dr Sumguy | April 28, 2008 02:15 PM
"Actually, doc, these are much better than the inky, jellyfish monstrosities I was seeing before. I think the therapy is finally working."
Posted by: stcoleridge | April 28, 2008 02:15 PM
This? Oh this is from when I stupidly spilled some of Goldie Hawn's collagen into a pack of Goldfish crackers.
Posted by: boneguy | April 28, 2008 02:17 PM
"Arrrrrrrrrrrr."
Posted by: jim M | April 28, 2008 02:25 PM
“The docks don’t pay shit for an imaginary catch.”
Posted by: dwilk | April 28, 2008 02:28 PM
On the other hand, I haven't had to buy any imaginary cat food for my imaginary cat for a couple of weeks.
Posted by: SK | April 28, 2008 02:33 PM
Face it, Doc. We're just a couple of jokers who need a shave. Hey, did you notice that all these fish have lips?
Posted by: SK | April 28, 2008 02:36 PM
Next the SHOCKING details as DATELINE records therapy sessions as seen from the point of view of Osteoglossum, the world's most expensive aquarium fish.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | April 28, 2008 02:42 PM
The juxtaposition of me, a first generation under educated man who toils at physical labor for a living, alongside you, a professional over educated snoot who doesn't get his hands dirty even when wiping his ass with single-ply, should be funny enough. But in true New Yorker hyper-hip fashion, there is a superfluous overlay of cartoon fish shoved down the readers' throats in a feeble attempt at ramping up the absurdity. You figure it out. I'm sick of dealing with all the BS.
Posted by: SK | April 28, 2008 02:51 PM
This image has been photoshopped. How can I tell? First, look at the pixelation surrounding each fish, and you'll see that the colors are far too uniform to be natural. The lines on the edges of the wall and the door, for example, seem to just disappear wherever there's a fish. Secondly, compare the shading on the legs of the couch and the chair. You'll notice that there are two different and incompatible light sources. Nice try, Stevens-- go fuck yourself.
Posted by: Jimby | April 28, 2008 03:02 PM
"I see you had M. C. Escher do the wall treatments and carp-eting. Nice touch."
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 28, 2008 03:05 PM
“That is one big fucking screensaver you got here, doc!”
Posted by: dwilk | April 28, 2008 03:08 PM
Arrr...I've smoked too much California weed.
Posted by: Anonymous | April 28, 2008 03:09 PM
"I don't know why I did it, Doc. Just the halibut, I suppose."
Posted by: Dave | April 28, 2008 03:10 PM
CORRECTION: "I don't know why I did it, Doc. Just for the halibut, I suppose."
Posted by: Dave | April 28, 2008 03:16 PM
"If I were a fisherman... and you were my lady..."
Posted by: Dave | April 28, 2008 03:18 PM
Look, they're all the same.
Posted by: bencaro | April 28, 2008 03:26 PM
Cod... sea bass... flounder... orange roughy... sex with my mother -- I mean, Arctic char...
Posted by: kejo | April 28, 2008 03:29 PM
"I need chicken more than want chicken and I want chicken for all time..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7U9UAG92lJo&feature=related
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | April 28, 2008 03:35 PM
I can't be happy unless they're happy, and since they are fish, and effectively retarded - or unable to develop complex emotions in any event - I don't know how to make them happy. I didn't actually think you could help, but I really needed to talk to someone, anyone, that doesn't speak mainly in nautical puns.
Posted by: Charles | April 28, 2008 03:39 PM
Just write "fish," doc, the species doesn't matter.
Posted by: Charles | April 28, 2008 03:40 PM
Arrr, I had been pourin' me heart out to me sweetheart, the fair Melusina, only to find out that she'd not been listenin' to a word I'd said, she'd only been drawin' pitchers o' sea critters in 'er notebook, she 'ad. She was hallucinatin', she was.
Posted by: kejo | April 28, 2008 03:51 PM
"Do you savor the fruits of the deep? Then why not enjoy one of our fine seafood restaurants." -Time Out Berlin
Posted by: Urgh | April 28, 2008 03:53 PM
One fish makes you larger, and one fish makes you small. And the ones that mother gives you, I caught 'em in my trawl. Go ask Alice, when she's tied to my anchor chain, drowning.
Posted by: Walt | April 28, 2008 03:54 PM
Fuck these fucking fish and fuck you, doc.
Posted by: Simon H | April 28, 2008 03:55 PM
That's the best you can come up with, "because you're missing Annette"? Seriously, that's the best you can do? Besides, her name's Betty.
Posted by: therblig | April 28, 2008 04:01 PM
Since someone else already noticed there are 23 fish, I'm phoning in my all-purpose cop-out anti-caption:
This virtual reality is really amazing! If it weren't for
all these incongruous floating fish
I'd swear we were reallyin a psychiatraist's office
rather than strapped to the wall, being mechanically masturbated every six hours, in a nightmarish post-apocalyptic future.Posted by: Walt | April 28, 2008 04:03 PM
They're completely harmless. They just wander in from time to time, look around, and try to imitate humans. It's kinda cute, actually. But if it bothers you that much, Goldie, just swim around him.
Posted by: Jimby | April 28, 2008 04:12 PM
"So..., should I throw them back?"
Posted by: dwilk | April 28, 2008 04:12 PM
Francis: As for the fish that float through the air, actually, exactly the same number of fish are floating in either direction (not including the conversing duo). Oh, and furthermore, a ninety degree turn would send them perpindicular to all other floaters! Did you mean a 180 degree turn?
Posted by: kejo | April 28, 2008 04:16 PM
"What can I tell you Doc...It's like flys to dog shit."
Posted by: al in la | April 28, 2008 04:19 PM
"The only ones that bother me are the three that never leave my pants."
Posted by: J | April 28, 2008 04:29 PM
"...and as a fireman, I'm totally perplexed. Shouldn't I be haunted by images of charred, coughing infants? What I wouldn't give some days to be haunted by images of charred, coughing infants! But no. Fish. Weird."
Posted by: J | April 28, 2008 04:31 PM
"And if people can no longer have faith in something as basic and constant as gravity, how might I ever convince them to trust me, The Gorton's Fisherman, again?"
Posted by: J | April 28, 2008 04:36 PM
"Pardon me, doc, but why do all these fish have nigger-lips?"
Posted by: Rubrick | April 28, 2008 04:38 PM
" What the CARP you think they are, doc ?!......1) Git along little pogies,git along. 2)I am taking you to market, git along. 3) Hiyah, git along, you pogies...."
Posted by: Sam L. | April 28, 2008 04:47 PM
"... chained to a radiator until my father came home, and if he was already drunk then he'd get out the ... hey, are you listening to me?"
Posted by: Joshua | April 28, 2008 04:57 PM
"I don't know how I can make my nightmare (of global warming) any more explicit to you, doc."
Posted by: Sam L. | April 28, 2008 04:59 PM
"... chained to a radiator until my father came home, and if he was already drunk then he'd get out the ... Oh, look, fish!"
Posted by: Joshua | April 28, 2008 05:01 PM
"Go on, doc. Count ! It's always 23....that's the unsettling part....your bill..........my I.Q. ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 28, 2008 05:14 PM
Doctor: "Would you quit your goddam carping?"
Posted by: jim M | April 28, 2008 05:16 PM
"The fugu here are obscene."
Posted by: jim M | April 28, 2008 05:27 PM
"Pussy's fine, man, but right now I'm swimming in tail, and it feels so good."
Posted by: Milton | April 28, 2008 05:31 PM
" 1) Oh, thar is a pleasant mar'ner, 2) And he quaffeth one in three ! 3)By my salt' short beard, doc, 4) How therefore chargeth thou me ? 5) Oh, thar's...... "
Posted by: Sam L. | April 28, 2008 05:47 PM
Veni, vidi, mahi mahi-o-leevio!
[sorry, Chris]
Posted by: kejo | April 28, 2008 05:53 PM
Seriously, they're just fish hanging from fishing line. But if you have to "sketch" them, go ahead. Whatever floats your boat, dude. Just shut the fuck up already-- I'm trying to take a nap. And, I swear, if I hear your fat lips smacking on any more cake-- God! Just look at you, you fat fuck. You got chocolate all over your face.
Posted by: Jimby | April 28, 2008 06:14 PM
"The conditions here are piscene!"
"Carp e diem?!? I already TRIED that!"
"I spy with my little eye... something that lives in the ocean!"
"This has got to be the most UNCOMFORTABLE couch I have ever laid on... and I have laid on some pretty bad couches in my life!"
"Turn up the air conditioning... My God the humidity in here! Wait, should it be turn UP the air conditioning or turn DOWN the air conditioning? I always seem to get it wrong."
Posted by: Johnny V | April 28, 2008 06:37 PM
" and to top it off, my wife complains that I bring my work home with me...!"
"That one is named Phineas. And THAT one is named Oscar!"
Posted by: Johnny V | April 28, 2008 06:39 PM
"I think you misunderstood, doctor. I said that the visions began after I lost Annette, Rod, and Bob off the side of my boat. Those were the names of my children."
Posted by: mypalmike | April 28, 2008 06:51 PM
There it is again, doc. Do you smell something, you know, a little FUNNY?
Posted by: Anita Margarita | April 28, 2008 06:53 PM
(Carp! I didn't see therblig's Annette one!)
Posted by: mypalmike | April 28, 2008 06:54 PM
"Po'try's fine, doc, but right now you're 'scimming' tales--The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, for one !"
Posted by: N.O. it all | April 28, 2008 07:07 PM
"..."
No bubble is coming out from their mouths, they can't be talking.
Posted by: Noland | April 28, 2008 07:22 PM
"They come from the tiny bit of water I take with my scotch. Also, my sons are dead, now you shall be my son."
Posted by: Everett | April 28, 2008 07:35 PM
"I never though something could be like REALLY beige, you know?"
Posted by: Everett | April 28, 2008 07:38 PM
correction:
"I never thought something could be like REALLY beige, you know?"
Posted by: Everett | April 28, 2008 07:40 PM
"This sure is a whale of a problem."
"The telekinesis began when I was little. Only recently did I start using my powers to control fish."
"At least it's better than when I was a stripper."
Posted by: Harry | April 28, 2008 07:40 PM
“Uh, just checking, but you DO have one of them invisible-string mobiles in here, don’t you. Doc?”
“Well, actually, the guy told me to go to ‘the dock,’ but you know how it is with homophones. Anywho, since I’m already here, might as well try to deal with that whole ‘fish thing’…”
“Allegory, schmallegory – we’re just both dead, aren’t we, Doc?”
Posted by: Leppo Softboy | April 28, 2008 07:43 PM
"Huum ? 'Hookers' ?.... Carp ? Hey, I think you just could have something there, 'Freud' !....Yeah ! I have been known to go with a dock-side tramp, or two....them or your occasional cheap 'Inflatable Whore' !.... Well, shiver my timbers !"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 28, 2008 07:50 PM
" 'Minimalist' pencil-and-ink sketch; disciple-of- Calder 'mobile' ! Hell, you must be fairly rolling in dough, doc ?! ........Oh my God !... There, you see !.... Speaking in tongues again !... What the 'sam hill' I know of art ?! .... Voices !.... I still got 'pro bono' status, right, doc ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 28, 2008 08:11 PM
"I hollowed them out and filled them with helium. Happy Birthday! Arrrrrr."
Posted by: Deborah | April 28, 2008 08:16 PM
"I asked them to walk me home. I feel safer traveling in numbers."
Posted by: Deborah | April 28, 2008 08:18 PM
"Don't eat the aqua blue acid."
Posted by: J.D. | April 28, 2008 08:23 PM
"I don't want to live in a world without Don Knotts."
Posted by: J.D. | April 28, 2008 08:27 PM
In fact, there's one about to take a massive dump on you riiiight ... now.
Posted by: Anita Margarita | April 28, 2008 08:43 PM
Focus on me, Group. There is no Gorton's Fisherman on my couch. It's a BASS hallucination. Ha Ha. I mean MASS hallucination sprung from your collective fear of being consumed. I'm sorry about my feeble attempt at levity, and to tell you the truth, I don't know what kind of fish you guys are - Bass, Carp, Trout, or Panda Dwarf Cichlid - it doesn't matter to me. I love all fish. Let's have sex!
Posted by: J. Brown | April 28, 2008 08:58 PM
"Say, look ! I know this fellow a few weeks back, has him an acquarium but no fish, see ! Weird ! So, look, how about I put him and you together, work somethin' out ? ....Marriage Counselor guy ! ....Of course I could be mad...."
Posted by: Sam L. | April 28, 2008 09:19 PM
"These can't be my children! I think Ariel was cheating on me."
Posted by: Brian L | April 28, 2008 09:23 PM
"They call me 'dirty fish fucker,' but I always clean them first."
Posted by: Brian L | April 28, 2008 09:24 PM
"My telekinesis is stuck."
Posted by: Brian L | April 28, 2008 09:28 PM
"That's some pretty impressive trompe l'oeil you got going on there, doc -- or as we like to call it on the sea, 'sneaky paint.'"
Posted by: Francis | April 28, 2008 09:50 PM
"Unbutton my collar, for the love of god! I can't breathe, my face is turning blue, and I'm starting to hallucinate!"
Posted by: Francis | April 28, 2008 09:51 PM
My name is Ish and I love blowfish. Does that qualify as a sexual fetish?
Posted by: Amy | April 28, 2008 09:52 PM
"If the Federal and State government had only spent more wisely on critical maintenance of our urban infrastructure, we the residents of the Lower 9th ward would possess a much greater sense of security. In my opinion."
Posted by: RichM | April 28, 2008 10:08 PM
"I think my fish are indifferent to me."
Posted by: David | April 28, 2008 10:33 PM
As the waning crescent moon looks down upon the carnage of the dinner party rent asunder by the suicide bomber a sketch artist called in to do a visual interpretation of the flatulence of Gorton Of Gloucester sketches himself into the rendering looking up and wondering what the fuck that guy was trying to tell us in semaphore and why the empty aquarium.
Posted by: djack | April 28, 2008 11:41 PM
"I see them. I see them all the time. Just terrible what happened to those fish. But, I was just following orders. You agree,don't you?"
Posted by: al in la | April 29, 2008 02:03 AM
"And so they called him...and this is great...the Soup Nazi! It was everywhere, doctor, how have you not seen that?"
Posted by: Everett | April 29, 2008 05:03 AM
"It's my band, doc! Pike and Tuna Turner, Salmon Dave, Anchovy Newley, Walleye Ingram..."
Posted by: dwilk | April 29, 2008 07:36 AM
I've been internalizing, I feel cowardly, and can't seem to remember anything - absorbent, yellow, and porous is me.
Posted by: therblig | April 29, 2008 09:52 AM
I'm sorry Dr. Monroe I just don't see how all these helium filled, fish-shaped balloons will help me overcome my desire to alway dress like a fireman
Posted by: martin | April 29, 2008 10:46 AM
"Doc, sometimes I just feel like a decoration in an overcrowded aquarium. Don't you ever feel that way?"
Posted by: LR | April 29, 2008 11:44 AM
"I don't need them to disappear, but would it kill them to smile"
Posted by: C@Lmike | April 29, 2008 12:23 PM
"Hey, Doc, I just had an idea. Get me Pepperidge Farm on the line, will ya?"
Posted by: Kathy H | April 29, 2008 01:01 PM
"What subway line did I take to get here? Why the Arrrrrrrrrrrr, of course."
Posted by: Tim H | April 29, 2008 01:16 PM
"Don't worry- most shark attacks happen in less than three feet of water; but you do kinda look like a seal."
Posted by: kosmicki | April 29, 2008 01:52 PM
"Oooh ! I shall g'down to the sea again, To a scalloped ship and the sky ; And all I risk is the slap o' quips, While my slabs o' fish on fry !----Oooh ! I shall g'down to th.. "
Posted by: N.O. it all | April 29, 2008 02:41 PM
And how does that make you [i]eel[/i]?
Posted by: Jangler | April 29, 2008 03:00 PM
"Fusilli! You crazy bass turd!"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | April 29, 2008 03:21 PM
"Yeah? Well, you look like James Lipton!"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | April 29, 2008 03:39 PM
"How come you never ask me about my mother?"
Posted by: Trout Almondine | April 29, 2008 04:24 PM
"One of us must really be
baked because my doctor told me to lay off the
Freud fish."
Posted by: baron | April 29, 2008 05:09 PM
"Red light!"
Posted by: seth | April 29, 2008 05:15 PM
"Golly, I like this game ! See ? Fish...cod...species...odd pieces...codpieces...rod pie.......uh, let's go back...FISH...."
Posted by: N.O. it all | April 29, 2008 05:55 PM
"It isn’t just the amount of fish in the cartoon, either. Between my pose, makeup, hair and expression, the overall effect can be seen as a calculated effort to suggest salty-ness."
(HT: the WSJ)
Posted by: al in la | April 29, 2008 06:00 PM
ARR...it's this crazy sea-faring accent! I CUNT control it! Being from suburban Detroit it's A HORRIBLE embarrassment...Arr...ya see there it goes again with ARR every time I open my mouth! ARRRR!!!
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | April 29, 2008 06:05 PM
"All I can tell you is, be careful what you wish for. ... You're gonna want to lose that carpet, by the way."
Posted by: Anita Margarita | April 29, 2008 06:14 PM
How many fish does it take to change a light bulb? None because they never pay their electric gill.
Posted by: Anonymous | April 29, 2008 07:13 PM
" How long! Ever since my wife went fishing with 8 men, and came home with a red snapper. "
Posted by: Dr Sumguy | April 29, 2008 07:17 PM
"Man, fuck your wallpaper."
"No, I won't call you 'Doctor' anymore. This is the worst foreplay idea ever and I'm already on a bad trip."
"I envy the normal people with their respective angel and devil on each shoulder to duke out the metaphysical battles that come upon them. All I have are these endless fish, too busy gasping for oxygen to divulge any significant moral advice."
"In contrast, a realistic outlook proposes that a gruff fisherman like myself would reject the liberal concept of psychotherapy!"
Posted by: NecroDew | April 29, 2008 08:43 PM
"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to hallucinate..."
Posted by: Dave | April 29, 2008 11:18 PM