The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #141
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"Yeah, and 20 gigs more than the white!" —Heather
Finalists
"How did you think they collected the cleansing blood?" —shadysidelantern
"I know you're new so here's how it works: I sit on one shoulder and say 'She's drunk. She's passed out. Go ahead! Fuck her!' You sit on the other shoulder and tell him 'Not without a condom you don't!'" —al in la
Honorable mention
"You don't understand. This is goth hell." —Francis
"Frankly, I was expecting my virgins to be chicks." —Joshua
"Yeah, but they let me keep my executive hair and my cock." —J
"You would tell me if there was something weird about my wings, right? I mean I can't see back there, but I'm getting some weird looks." —JohnnyB
"As far as I can tell, neither of us has enough wing surface relative to our mass to sustain flight, nor enough of the necessary musculature even to flap these things effectively. So don't you get all featherier-than-thou with me." —Walt
"After a lifetime of eschewing good works I'd like to thank God for his gift of grace and ask, Where all the hot Lutheran bitches at?" —Kevin Guilfoile
Worst Caption of 2004: "First I have to up-armor my Humm-Vee with part of a Syrian dishwasher, now this. Who knew the Republicans were in charge here, too?" —TG Gibbon
"I distinctly remember choosing 'rule in hell,' but here I am. May I take your order?" —therblig
"UPGRAYDD!" —TMo
"I kidnap one baby and this is what I get?" —LK
"From the stress of blogging, you?" —Charles
"Let's drop all the bullshit and just fly to the sun to see whose are made of wax, mothafucka." —boneguy
"Your band sucked" —ken hense
"Fuck the X-Men."
"Yeah, well, fuck Batman." —Leppo Softboy
"The hours there were obscene. So, I killed myself." —Harry
"Fuck off!" —Kathy H
Comments
"Fuck off!"
Posted by: Kathy H | April 7, 2008 10:19 AM
“Black is the new white.”
“Hi! My name’s Lucifer. I used to live here.”
“Gloooo-o-o-o-o-oooo-o-o-o-o-oooo-o-o-o-o-oooo-ria! In ex-cel-sis De-o…”
Posted by: Deborah | April 7, 2008 10:24 AM
I kidnap one baby and this is what I get?
Posted by: LK | April 7, 2008 10:27 AM
"There are some things even a utility belt can't reverse, Robin."
Posted by: David F | April 7, 2008 10:29 AM
"I'm Batman."
Posted by: gary | April 7, 2008 10:32 AM
"Yeah? Well, you look like a pussy."
Posted by: Abe | April 7, 2008 10:32 AM
"Let's just say I got a little too 'friendly' with the blessed Madonna and leave it at that, OK?"
Posted by: Vance | April 7, 2008 10:34 AM
"You would tell me if there was something weird about my wings, right? I mean I can't see back there, but I'm getting some weird looks."
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 7, 2008 10:34 AM
"Whattaya mean it's not a costume party?"
"No, I'm not Batman, I'm Judge Reinhold. And apparently I'm dead. I find this very distressing, actually. I was going to have a recurring role on '30 Rock' but now I'm just the guy who died at about the same time as Charlton Heston. He's the Suez Crisis to my Hungarian Revolution. Hey, how come I haven't seen him around here? Oh, wait, I can guess. Anyway, you know how I can track down my Gran? The guy at the gate wasn't very helpful at all. All I did was slip him a double sawbuck--as a joke!--and he gave me these jerk-ass wings. Also why would you even ask me that? Batman's not real. Everybody here is fucked-up."
"It was either these or the Blue Morpho ones."
Worst Caption of 2004: "First I have to up-armor my Humm-Vee with part of a Syrian dishwasher, now this. Who knew the Republicans were in charge here, too?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | April 7, 2008 10:35 AM
"I used to think people were staring because of the wings. But now I realize it's because of the hideous bloodstains running down my robe."
Posted by: Vance | April 7, 2008 10:36 AM
"Everytime a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. My bell was in a bellfry. With bats."
"Sure the black leather option is more expensive, but I'm worth it."
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 7, 2008 10:36 AM
"Child-molesting priest. Why?"
Posted by: jim M | April 7, 2008 10:40 AM
"Everyone knows your wings . . . . never mind. Just forget it."
Posted by: Deborah | April 7, 2008 10:45 AM
"So I ask one innocent question about whether there's billiards here, and now this."
Posted by: Vance | April 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Just 'cause I hated black people. Can you believe these assholes. Hey, I'm up here, ain't I?
Posted by: Glenn | April 7, 2008 11:03 AM
What? Was I in a hurry to get out of hell? Ha...yeah, I've never heard THAT one before...real original...
Posted by: simsburybear | April 7, 2008 11:04 AM
Mold...why?
Posted by: simsburybear | April 7, 2008 11:05 AM
"UPGRAYDD!"
Posted by: TMo | April 7, 2008 11:15 AM
"Dance with the devil in the pale moon light just once and you never hear the end of it."
Posted by: Mo Buck | April 7, 2008 11:16 AM
"I did what? Dude, I told you to never let me drink."
Posted by: J | April 7, 2008 11:29 AM
Apparently, if you masturbate more than three or four times a day up here, your feathers fall off.
Posted by: SK | April 7, 2008 11:34 AM
"You don't understand. This *is* goth hell."
Posted by: Francis | April 7, 2008 11:42 AM
No... it's standing knee-deep in dead people's buttocks that's keeping us anchored here.
Posted by: SK | April 7, 2008 11:43 AM
Actually, I believe these are just another by-product of my adventures in the parallel universe of Christian Pop Culture.
Posted by: SK | April 7, 2008 11:58 AM
"I'm never going back."
Posted by: GilbertBob | April 7, 2008 12:05 PM
I'm positioning myself as the "Angel for Change".
Posted by: therblig | April 7, 2008 12:09 PM
From the stress of blogging, you?
Posted by: Charles | April 7, 2008 12:18 PM
Sure I know someone who will do that. But if anyone finds out you came to me you are probably going to have to resign.
Posted by: Charles | April 7, 2008 12:22 PM
Mark Penn. Whose guardian are you?
Posted by: therblig | April 7, 2008 12:35 PM
"I lost o' pair a dice. Seen 'em?"
Posted by: jim M | April 7, 2008 12:39 PM
"Well, first I was with the Los Angeles Angels, then I was with the California Angels. Before long, I ended up with the Anaheim Angels, and then I was with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. That's when I killed myself."
Posted by: Tim H | April 7, 2008 12:43 PM
"Yeah, I noticed that, too. I guess they had no black people on Wings 'cause there are no black people on Nantucket."
Posted by: Kathy H | April 7, 2008 12:57 PM
"See a doctor? What are you, a fucking moron? We're DEAD, dude!"
Posted by: NJtoTX | April 7, 2008 1:10 PM
The opening scene in 'Touched By a Gay Angel', the latest film in the increasingly popular genre of gay Christian porn.
Posted by: mypalmike | April 7, 2008 1:13 PM
"One week we're hatching giant eggs. Now we're mashing potatoes with our feet. I hate this place. Oh, and my wings are different than yours."
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 7, 2008 1:15 PM
"Its 10:13 AM. What possible difference could that make?"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | April 7, 2008 1:24 PM
Because I have a mammalian brain.
Posted by: Roy | April 7, 2008 1:26 PM
"How did you THINK they collected the cleansing blood?"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | April 7, 2008 1:29 PM
"Its the only way to get a clerical collar up here."
Posted by: shadysidelantern | April 7, 2008 1:32 PM
"Albrecht Durer, as far as I know."
Posted by: shadysidelantern | April 7, 2008 1:35 PM
"Gay."
Posted by: Harry | April 7, 2008 1:36 PM
"I don't belong here!"
"Neither do I"
Posted by: VTFootballGrad | April 7, 2008 1:40 PM
Let's drop all the bullshit and just fly to the sun to see whose are made of wax, mothafucka.
Posted by: boneguy | April 7, 2008 1:41 PM
I distinctly remember choosing "rule in hell", but here I am. May I take your order?
Posted by: therblig | April 7, 2008 1:43 PM
"That's right, I said, 'God damn America.' What are you going to do about it?"
Posted by: Joshua | April 7, 2008 1:51 PM
"What do you mean, there's no Halloween in heaven?"
Posted by: David F | April 7, 2008 1:53 PM
"April Fool! You really are in heaven, not hell. Sorry if I scared you."
Posted by: David F | April 7, 2008 1:54 PM
"My mother was an old bat. What of it?"
Posted by: J.D. | April 7, 2008 2:02 PM
"Ok, just take one more step towards me and our profiles will make He-man's magical sword."
"Uh.. did you fart? Oh ... lemme guess-- it wasn't you. It was the giant butts again."
"Yes, a bat is actually feasting on my Latismus Dorsi. But don't let that bother you. Can I get you a spritzer?"
Posted by: jimby | April 7, 2008 2:12 PM
"You know why Jesus can't eat M&Ms? They keep falling through the holes in his hands. Hahahahahaha."
Posted by: J.D. | April 7, 2008 2:15 PM
"I don't know why no one believed the weekly world news about me."
Posted by: Brian L | April 7, 2008 2:17 PM
"If you were Christopher Hitchens and I were Madeleine Murray O'Hare this would be extremely ironic."
Posted by: J.D. | April 7, 2008 2:21 PM
"I died from the stress of blogging. You?"
"Lynched by impatient anti-caption fans."
Posted by: Rubrick | April 7, 2008 2:26 PM
"Your band sucked"
Posted by: ken hense | April 7, 2008 2:36 PM
"I just flew in from Hell, and boy are my arms tired. Also, my wings are tired."
Posted by: mypalmike | April 7, 2008 2:41 PM
Yes it's Monday and yes my ass is dragon.
Posted by: therblig | April 7, 2008 2:43 PM
"Cheeeeee cheeeeee! Cheeeeee!" [High-pitched bat-angel sonar chirping noises.]
Posted by: mypalmike | April 7, 2008 2:49 PM
"I have sonar and rabies.SO BACK AWAY MISTER CLOSE TALKER!"
Posted by: Dr Sumguy | April 7, 2008 3:04 PM
So...you're voting for Obama then....
Posted by: Andrew | April 7, 2008 3:09 PM
"Yeah, well, at least I have two wings!"
Posted by: David | April 7, 2008 3:16 PM
"You're going to have to do something flashier than save some piss ant banker if you want cool wings like these Clarence!"
Posted by: David | April 7, 2008 3:27 PM
"I can't believe the letters Dd got into heaven."
Posted by: ben c | April 7, 2008 3:38 PM
RORSCHACH INKBLOT TEST #1: Please describe what you see in the space provided.
Posted by: ben c | April 7, 2008 3:46 PM
"Yeah, I won a bet with a gargoyle."
Posted by: Tim H | April 7, 2008 3:50 PM
"In my previous life I was a giant Balinese fruit bat specializing in casaba melons. I had an unfortunate collision with a Dolly Parton billboard, and the next thing I know, I'm talking to you.You may call me - MISTER BAT.Drop the FRUIT."
Posted by: Dr. Sumguy | April 7, 2008 4:03 PM
"Curse this lousy wing-mange!"
"I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco."
"Wow, that sneeze blew all the feathers off my wings! God bless you! 'cuz I won't."
"Wanna fuck?" (Note: works with any cartoon, but is especially funny in this scenario, because they're both guys, and both angels, only one is kind of demonic looking and therefore, presumably, 'nasty,' like, aggressive and perverse sexually. Sorry, I mean 'funny.')"
Posted by: Trout Almondine | April 7, 2008 4:05 PM
"If you knew anything about New Yorkers you wouldn't be asking ' Why black?' "
Posted by: Kathy H | April 7, 2008 4:08 PM
"I was picking up a crate of crucifixes and discoverd that my groin was rupture ready."
Posted by: jim M | April 7, 2008 4:10 PM
"How did I earn my wings? I used to be an FAA inspector at Southwest Airlines."
Posted by: Tim H | April 7, 2008 4:52 PM
I'd rather have kept the fangs and sex appeal.
Posted by: Brian L | April 7, 2008 4:57 PM
"Well, I got in because I was a Christian. The wing job came from being a serial rapist. I'll take what I can get here."
I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: . . . I will be like the most High. ~ Isaiah 14:14
Posted by: NecroDew | April 7, 2008 5:02 PM
"Why is it always a BLACK thing with you??
Posted by: Dan | April 7, 2008 5:12 PM
...and yet we both can agree "City of Angels" sucked.
Posted by: seth | April 7, 2008 5:16 PM
"So, I get to the front of the line at the wing dispensary, and it turns out, every time a balloon pops, an angel gets bat wings. Who knew?"
Posted by: Tim C. | April 7, 2008 5:36 PM
"Yeah, but they let me keep my executive hair and my cock."
Posted by: J | April 7, 2008 6:25 PM
(1) "Red Bull gives you wiiings! Blaaack ones!"
(2) "Oh yeah? Well your mother is in Hell, sucking Satan's dick!"
(3) "Yeah, they're black. Got a problem with that? Racist."
Posted by: Jacob C | April 7, 2008 7:06 PM
VINTAGE "ANGEL-STYLE" SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS
Cute, porcelain s&p set. Stamp on bottom says "Japan". Excellent condition, no chipping. Salt has white "angel" wings, pepper has black "bat" wings.
Current bid: $2.65 (4 bids)
Shipping and handling: $5.96
Seller: kitchenkitsch1964 (18302* PowerSeller!)
Bid Now
Posted by: mypalmike | April 7, 2008 7:13 PM
"Heaven's no fun, Robin. No tights, no capes. But at least we still have each other!"
Posted by: Dave | April 7, 2008 7:16 PM
"In heaven, halloween is in April, right?"
"Heaven, heaven is a place. A place where nothing, nothing ever happens."
"The hours there were obscene. So, I killed myself."
Posted by: Harry | April 7, 2008 7:32 PM
I thought heaven was formal. And for bats. In retrospect, I guess i should have realized how improbable that was.
Posted by: Tom | April 7, 2008 8:19 PM
"I passed through a lion's colon along with an African Bat, and hey presto."
Posted by: Chris | April 7, 2008 8:57 PM
"I'm voting for Obama."
Posted by: david | April 7, 2008 9:04 PM
"No, no, no - not God bless America, God damn America."
Posted by: RichM | April 7, 2008 9:08 PM
"My man, one word: sunscreen. Peace out."
Posted by: RichM | April 7, 2008 9:15 PM
My master sends a message to your so-called god:
The end of time is at hand when you will sit in judgment for giving mankind false hope. The fires of Hell will rage until the only thing recognizable from your "paradise" will be the smell of burned, human flesh.
By the way, there's something I've always wanted to know. Can a guy can get laid up here? Cuz the pussy in hell is brahuuutal!
Posted by: Shawn | April 7, 2008 9:16 PM
"My aged corpse has been laid out at the mortuary at last, and I confess to some measure of curiosity as to whether any will dare to pry my rifle from my cold dead hands. Wanna come watch?"
Posted by: RichM | April 7, 2008 9:37 PM
"I am priapic, hence grateful for these loose-fitting garments."
Posted by: J.D. | April 7, 2008 9:38 PM
"I am too a butterfly, fuck you. I'm a butterfly! A pretty butterfly! *sobs uncontrollably*"
Posted by: Francis | April 7, 2008 9:44 PM
"Fiddy's White Party just gets better and better."
Posted by: J.D. | April 7, 2008 9:47 PM
"I have a terrible itch -- could you scratch right between my shoulder blades? Thanks. Careful of the demon wings, though, they'll seriously burn your skin right off if you so much as brush against them."
Posted by: Francis | April 7, 2008 9:47 PM
"Toilet training sucks."
Posted by: Johnny | April 7, 2008 10:34 PM
What do you mean you get free health care down there?!
Posted by: Dave | April 7, 2008 10:44 PM
"You're right. It's not a Sealy Posturpedic."
Posted by: OAW | April 7, 2008 11:20 PM
Dude, my wings are emo.
Posted by: Bubble | April 7, 2008 11:30 PM
"No, I'm pretty sure it's 'just call me angel of the MOURNING,' Angel."
"What's wrong? Bat got your tongue?"
Posted by: JH | April 7, 2008 11:37 PM
"Oh, yeah? Well, you should see the bat I've got under this robe!"
Posted by: JH | April 7, 2008 11:39 PM
"I get that all the time. People can't fathom that Cheney would even HAVE a guardian angel."
Posted by: al in la | April 8, 2008 12:37 AM
"Spray paint. Why?"
Posted by: dwilk | April 8, 2008 2:25 AM
These wings are supposed to symbolize something but I have no fucking idea what! And they're hideously creepy! I hate them! The fact that you like them disgust me, Trevor.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | April 8, 2008 3:56 AM
Farnsworth, what is the meaning of this infernal cartoon!
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | April 8, 2008 4:10 AM
"A '59 Cadillac Eldorado. What are you going as?"
Posted by: Joshua | April 8, 2008 4:21 AM
"God likes to play chess."
Posted by: GilbertBob | April 8, 2008 5:18 AM
"Sleep all day. Party all night. It's fun to be a vampire angel."
Posted by: David John | April 8, 2008 5:29 AM
"Yeah, my great-grandfather was a flying monkey, but we evolved."
Posted by: jim M | April 8, 2008 6:56 AM
"Gimme your wallet and you won't get hurt."
Posted by: dwilk | April 8, 2008 6:57 AM
"Let's just agree to disagree so I can get back to napping on this pillowy-soft cloud."
"My wife doesn't approve of the exploitation of birds just so we don't have to take public transportation. But she thinks bats are icky."
"Leathery. Give 'em a feel."
Posted by: Anonymous | April 8, 2008 7:10 AM
Whoops - the above was mine.
Posted by: MAtt | April 8, 2008 7:11 AM
"I sure wish I'd been Hindu."
Posted by: J.D. | April 8, 2008 8:39 AM
"My wings are bat wings. Your wings are not bat wings. Why are my wings bat wings? My wings are the wings of a bat."
Posted by: Ian | April 8, 2008 9:25 AM
Just wanted to know: what soap do you use to wash your you-know-whats?
Posted by: Sanjay Gupta | April 8, 2008 10:29 AM
"After a lifetime of eschewing good works I'd like to thank God for his gift of grace and ask, Where all the hot Lutheran bitches at?"
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | April 8, 2008 11:01 AM
My adviser says these will help me be elected President.
Posted by: J.K. | April 8, 2008 11:03 AM
"Did you ever think about eternity? About never ending? Going on and on and on? When I did it would freak me out and I'd feel vertiginous. It was supposed to be what we all want, but it gave me a sense of dread. I couldn't really think about it. Now here I am. Plus I've got these fucking bat wings."
Posted by: djack | April 8, 2008 11:08 AM
I was a driver on the NASCAR circuit and actually did pretty good, until I got put on probation for using non-regulation spoiler wings. I have to wear these things until hell freezes over... whenever that is.
Posted by: Fred M | April 8, 2008 11:39 AM
"Don't give me that conformist bullshit about decorum and good taste. I'm an individual! And I can damn well wear my hair just as long as I want to!"
Posted by: Vance | April 8, 2008 12:19 PM
"I get Jay and Silent Bob as prophets, but do you see Alanis Morissette as God? I'm not sure that I do."
Posted by: Deborah | April 8, 2008 12:53 PM
No, it's not my logo and I'm not Darkwing Duck.
Posted by: therblig | April 8, 2008 1:21 PM
How do you manage the feathers?
Posted by: Vaibhav | April 8, 2008 1:43 PM
"Yeah, we all expected them to be paved with gold - not bubble-wrap."
Posted by: shadysidelantern | April 8, 2008 2:14 PM
Hi, I'm Ozzy Osbourne. Just got in.
Posted by: SSG Pooh | April 8, 2008 2:14 PM
"How did I get here? I only drank the blood of Christ and that of your bitch whore mother, that's how. Any more questions?"
Posted by: kosmicki | April 8, 2008 3:09 PM
"And then I'll be over on the left shoulder, and I'll say, 'Come on, didn't you have a salad at lunch yesterday? That's gotta balance out a little, teeny, tiny, all-natural piece of cheesecake.' And then you say, ..."
Posted by: Joshua | April 8, 2008 3:32 PM
"Who's c--k did you have to s--k to get them baddass wings?"
(Who's 'cork' did you have to 'smack'?)
"My last meal request was 'hot wings'."
Posted by: Johnny V | April 8, 2008 5:12 PM
You obvioulsy lied to St. Peter.
Posted by: Weller | April 8, 2008 5:37 PM
"It's just St. Peter's sense of humor - I admitted to him I loved Bobby Vee."
Posted by: stcoleridge | April 8, 2008 5:44 PM
"You mean Belinda Carlisle was wrong? Heaven's not a place on earth??"
Posted by: Tim H | April 8, 2008 6:07 PM
"Odd thing, y'know. Gravity...in heaven."
Posted by: Kathy H | April 8, 2008 6:12 PM
"So, what you're saying is that I should chuck the phrase 'Feets don't fail me now' ?"
Posted by: Tim H | April 8, 2008 6:16 PM
You don't, you get down off your wings.
Posted by: Walt | April 8, 2008 6:35 PM
As far as I can tell, neither of us has enough wing surface relative to our mass to sustain flight, nor enough of the necessary musculature even to flap these things effectively. So don't you get all featherier-than-thou with me.
Posted by: Walt | April 8, 2008 6:37 PM
Sure, I'll sign your Book of Life. Got a quill I can borrow?
Posted by: Walt | April 8, 2008 6:39 PM
We're in an everlasting state and this stuff on my wings is sticky. Not good.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | April 8, 2008 7:38 PM
"Yeah, I was making a killing in guano futures. And then I died."
Posted by: Kathy H | April 8, 2008 7:54 PM
You spend a lifetime being good and then you wind up in some dumb New Yorker cartoon.
Posted by: Steve Walsh | April 8, 2008 7:56 PM
No, you only get the black ones if you're a pedophile priest.
Posted by: Dave | April 8, 2008 9:04 PM
"Once He plays knight to queen’s bishop 3, you’re outta here.”
Posted by: dwilk | April 8, 2008 9:12 PM
1) They're clip-ons.
2) The cherubs here are obscene!
Posted by: Ricky Jones | April 8, 2008 10:22 PM
"So I was fucking this guy in the ass the other day, and I go in for the reach-around, and he totally has a BONER. How gay is that?"
Posted by: Bobby Mcrae | April 8, 2008 10:22 PM
[Walt: Those are superb]
Posted by: Anonymous | April 8, 2008 10:33 PM
"I know you're new so here's how it works: I sit on one shoulder and say 'She's drunk. She's passed out. Go ahead! Fuck her!' You sit on the other shoulder and tell him 'Not without a condom you don't!'"
Posted by: al in la | April 8, 2008 11:14 PM
One day soon, you'll start to notice your wings turning black. I don't why they do that. One thing is for certain, though. NOTHING is going to get you laid in this place no matter what affectation you choose to parade around with. Fuck death.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | April 9, 2008 12:12 AM
In the buttock laden heaven above San Francisco, heaven is just a trolley stop away.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | April 9, 2008 12:22 AM
"Apparently when they say 'you can't take it with you' they aren't talking about eczema."
"Would you believe me if I told you I imported 10,000 sex slaves per year into the U.S.?"
"I started to customize my avatar in 'Second Afterlife' and then I got bored with it."
Posted by: jamie | April 9, 2008 1:10 AM
"The food's gone, the music sucks, the wall-to-wall moonbounce is an epic dud, and to top it all off no one else picked 'evil angel' so now I gotta walk around all night looking like a total ASSHOLE."
Posted by: Dave | April 9, 2008 1:21 AM
“You bought the farm. I got shot trying to hold up a liquor store.”
Posted by: dwilk | April 9, 2008 6:53 AM
"Addicted to porn? I only ever read Playboy one time and that was only 'cause Radosh was in it!!"
Posted by: GilbertBob | April 9, 2008 7:33 AM
"How about forever? Is forever good for you?"
Posted by: JohnnyB | April 9, 2008 7:38 AM
"Wim Wenders ruined it for all of us."
Posted by: jim M | April 9, 2008 11:02 AM
What're ya looking at, ya racist?
Posted by: Pam | April 9, 2008 11:16 AM
It's so they can tell us apart.
Posted by: Anonymous | April 9, 2008 1:44 PM
You think that's messed? You should see my feet.
Posted by: Mike S | April 9, 2008 1:56 PM
"Yeah, yeah -- I'm Masterson...No, don't tell me how you guessed."
"Frankly, I think yours look a touch gay."
"Fuck the X-Men." "Yeah, well, fuck Batman."
Posted by: Leppo Softboy | April 9, 2008 2:05 PM
"The difference is, in hell, I'm the answer to fantasies of straight guys."
Posted by: LV | April 9, 2008 3:29 PM
"I don't know, I guess I was just hoping they would make me feel more dominant in my current position."
Posted by: HoneyLatte | April 9, 2008 4:48 PM
Sorry Chuck, no you can't bring your gun here. We did like your Moses though. What, too soon?
So, this is how they tell the right-wingers from the left.
I hoped we would lose the hospital gowns when we died.
Yeah, this sucks--first they take our feet, then they stick us in this field of marshmallow fluff so we can't fly away...
You know what they say, once you go black...
Posted by: LP | April 9, 2008 5:13 PM
And Radosh, He the Man ! Says "don't be coming 'round here with with your New Yorker self, 'two shoes'!"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 9, 2008 5:40 PM
"Yeah, HE's as ecumenical as....well, as ecumenical as hell !"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 9, 2008 5:52 PM
"Abandon 'HAND-SIGNED by THE CARTOONIST', all ye who enter here !"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 9, 2008 6:05 PM
"Knee deep in 'Gluteii maximi' : hope it was worth it !"
Posted by: Sam L. | April 9, 2008 6:12 PM
"In our RADOSH's house are many mentions: Winners, Finalists--Honorables. .....Come back next week."
Posted by: Sam L. | April 9, 2008 6:26 PM
I'll get you my pretty...and your little dog too!
Umm, hello...that is NOT a tramp stamp.
Posted by: Brian V. | April 9, 2008 9:27 PM
Ever since Commissioner Gordon lost his bat cut out,he pages me three times a night so I drop everything, fly under the clouds and he shines this bright fucking light that burns a hole in my eyeballs. I mean, why can't just pick up a fucking phone and CALL Batman?
Posted by: boneguy | April 9, 2008 10:57 PM
"Why am I always the 'bad cop'?"
Posted by: Cowboyshoe | April 9, 2008 11:38 PM
God can be such a dick sometimes.
---
Remember when they said to apply the wing lotion every night? Well they meant EVERY night.
---
Evidently it's not funny to tell St. Peter to go to hell.
Posted by: fijis | April 10, 2008 12:13 AM
"You can keep the wings... I've got better rock songs!"
Posted by: milton | April 10, 2008 12:53 AM
"Holy Batwings Batman!"
"erm... like DUH"
Posted by: L | April 10, 2008 2:53 AM
"I can't function in all this goddamn light!"
Posted by: dwilk | April 10, 2008 4:07 AM
I was a God-fearing man. I even went to church every Sunday. But I guess I did vote for George W. Twice. Think that could have anything to do with it?
Posted by: KY | April 10, 2008 7:33 AM
I was a God-fearing man. I even went to church every Sunday. But I guess I did vote for George W. Twice. Think that could have anything to do with it?
Posted by: KY | April 10, 2008 7:34 AM
So, what do you think Abednego will be wearing?
Posted by: therblig | April 10, 2008 9:39 AM
"I thought 'In Heaven There Is No Beer' was just some dumb polka song. This sucks."
Posted by: djack | April 10, 2008 9:47 AM
"Nah, he draws it with pen and ink, but he wants you to think it's a goddam linoleum cut."
Posted by: jim M | April 10, 2008 10:03 AM
I was a God-fearing man. I even went to church every Sunday. But I guess I did post the same lame caption twice. Think that could have anything to do with it
Posted by: Y K? Y? | April 10, 2008 2:12 PM
Feathers are so last year.
Batman! Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah, Batman!
Posted by: Missy | April 10, 2008 3:13 PM
yeah, AND 20 gigs more than the white!
Posted by: Heather | April 10, 2008 4:07 PM
Yeah, I had the feather ones for a while, but I thought they made me look like a fairy.
Posted by: ppg | April 10, 2008 4:44 PM
"What shatters your puny brain more: the fact that vampires don't live forever, or that St. Peter really has a thing for us?"
Posted by: kosmicki | April 10, 2008 4:44 PM
“Of course I love you—I’m programmed to love you. I’m a goddam loveangelbat.”
Posted by: dwilk | April 10, 2008 7:48 PM
"Hi. My name is Windy. I have wings to fly, and I have stormy eyes that flash at the sound of lies... so watch it, buddy."
Posted by: Dave | April 10, 2008 8:32 PM
I'm a Mac. You must be a PC.
Posted by: Ousterj | April 11, 2008 12:41 AM
It's an allergic reaction. Don't ask.
Posted by: stan! the man | April 11, 2008 1:18 AM
"Witnessing the murder of you and Mom as a child lead me to train myself to physical and intellectual perfection and don a bat-themed costume in order to fight crime. That being said, why didn't you just toss the wallet on the ground Dad?"
Posted by: Mo Buck | April 11, 2008 10:24 AM
Of all the things I thought might come back to haunt me up here, being a rabid Meat Loaf fan never crossed my mind.
Posted by: sam | April 11, 2008 11:37 AM
In life, I was bald.
My "welcome to heaven" wish was for a full head of hair. I should have read the fuckin' fine print!
Posted by: Dan | April 11, 2008 1:09 PM
Do you have any cocaine? I'll suck your dick.
Posted by: Urgh | April 11, 2008 4:03 PM
"What?!? We Flying Monkeys from Oz can't evolve, too?!"
Posted by: Johnny V | April 11, 2008 5:24 PM
"I always find these theme dances to be awkward, if not downright humiliating."
"You might want to try something a little more aerodynamic there, Icarus..."
Posted by: Michael | April 11, 2008 7:29 PM
"I'm Charlie. And you're gonna be my angel, bitch."
Posted by: GilbertBob | April 11, 2008 11:54 PM
Half of me wants to believe you. The other half wants to slide its tongue down your throat and rip out your heart.
Posted by: Shawn | April 12, 2008 1:28 AM
Y'know Steve, I WAS fucking your wife. So I guess this is goodbye you tiny cocked, impotent son-of-a-bitch. I've heard the hookers down there scream like she did.
Posted by: Dave W | April 12, 2008 6:44 AM
"It's true, the dinosaurs were on the ark. Why is that surprising?"
Posted by: Deborah | April 12, 2008 10:50 AM
I was one of the lucky ones who got a Lamborghini Diablo. This outfit came along as an accessory and I just couldn't part with it.
These wings are last-season Pradas. I got them from some dude with a pitchfork, dressed in a red cape.
Posted by: Fred M | April 12, 2008 11:11 AM
"On my deathbed, surrounded by my wife and kids and both our parents, the priest administered last rites and asked if I'd like to make a final confession so that I might die in a state of grace. Realizing it was my last chance, I had to tell him I'd been jacking off pretty regularly to reruns of "Noah's Arc." Humiliating for my family perhaps, but I was dead five minutes later so fuck it."
Posted by: J.D. | April 12, 2008 1:55 PM
Never mind the wings, where's the rest of my ear?
Posted by: Nancy | April 12, 2008 5:39 PM
I remember when you said dressing like Gabriel and Satan while standing on a pile of cotton-wool was a bad idea, Freddy boy. Look at us now, eh? Isn't this the best feeling in the world? Doesn't it make you get a huge raging stiffy in that dress you're wearing, staring straight in Satan's eyes? I've always loved you Freddy baby. Loved you more than words express. It has taken this whole set-up for me to finally ask you this; will you marry me? Make me the happiest investment banker alive, Freddy darling. We can finally get that house in the 'burbs with that white picket fence you've always wanted. Yeah, sure the neighbors may stick up their noses at us, the conservative-minded bastards they are, but we'll be together, Freddy honey.
Posted by: Dave W | April 13, 2008 10:02 AM
"I just asked God a simple question, 'Do these wings make my ass look big?' And this is the crap He pulls."
Posted by: Glenn | April 13, 2008 10:29 AM
Do I have something in my teeth?
Posted by: Anonymous | April 13, 2008 5:28 PM
"Ha, you have bird-wings! What a freak!"
Posted by: John Tabin | April 13, 2008 6:30 PM
"Frankly, I was expecting my virgins to be chicks."
Posted by: Joshua | April 14, 2008 3:18 AM
(good one Joshua)
"Shouldn't we be dancing... like... cheek-to-cheek... or something?"
Posted by: Johnny V | April 14, 2008 7:15 AM
[I]Testing[/I]
Posted by: Doug | June 20, 2008 6:12 PM