The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #135
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
This week's winner will receive a signed copy of Pornography: A Groundwork Guide by Debbie Nathan (must provide working e-mail address, etc). Because of this, special consideration will be given to non-sexual captions, if that's not too much to ask.
Winner
"Allahu akbar to you, allahu akbar to you, allahu akbar dear Maaaaaar-tin, allahu akbar to yoooooou!"
—Francis
Finalists
"I'm sorry, I thought this was Archduke Ferdinand's apartment. But it's not. Man. There goes World War I."—Nixon
"The best part is, it's full of scorpions!" — Brian
Honorable Mention
"I've come to kill you in the name of Allah, but I'm going to do it zanily." — John Tabin
"Here, Phil, will you take this "magic wand"? I have trouble enough hauling around my enormous right ball. Curse this elephantiasis! I'll never visit the Philippines again! Or if I do, I won't have sex with a tranny hooker! Okay, maybe I will have sex with a tranny hooker. But next time I'll wear a condom! Okay, maybe I won't wear a condom."— kejo
"Greetings earthlings. I bring you this large explosive as a token of peace." —Harry
The Make a Wish Motherfucker Foundation: Because no life is so valuable that it can't be sacrificed for another man's dream.—Shawn
"Hi. Is this the meeting of Polish suicide bombers?" — al in la
"Oh, I just love what you've done with the -- ka-BLAM!" —Ernest
"Happy 49th birthday, Bob! Hey, remember that time in college when you said you hoped you'd be dead by 50?"—GilbertBob
"So, who do you have to terrorize to get a drink around here?" —therblig
"Relax! I'll extinguish the burning rope with my gigantic cymbals before you know it" —shadysidelantern
"She's gonna blow any minute. How 'bout your wife?" —dwilk
Comments
"Happy 49th birthday, Bob! Hey, remember that time in college when you said you hoped you'd be dead by 50?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | February 25, 2008 9:36 AM
"Hi Bob! My wife Sandy just confessed she's been sleeping with you which made me feel kind of weird about this evening. I'd hate for your affair to be an elephant in the room all night, so I thought maybe this could distract us."
Posted by: GilbertBob | February 25, 2008 9:37 AM
"Hey, I thought we should all get bombed tonight."
Posted by: GilbertBob | February 25, 2008 9:42 AM
“I brought an exploding bomb. Do you mind?”
“Your building should hire a more attentive doorman. ”
“We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when . . . Where would you like me to put this?”
Posted by: Deborah | February 25, 2008 9:42 AM
"I thought you said you supported a bomber. What? Obama? Oh, that's different."
"What? This is very popular in Iraq."
"Oh, we'll all go together when we go." http://members.aol.com/quentncree/lehrer/allgo.htm
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 25, 2008 10:00 AM
Funny, isn't it? Your wife is missing her left arm while my wife is missing her right arm. And I'm carrying a bomb.
Posted by: therblig | February 25, 2008 10:12 AM
"Remember last week when you said, 'Harry, you is DA BOMB!'? Well..."
Posted by: Tim H | February 25, 2008 10:19 AM
"The super sent us, says you have a czar problem in the kitchen?"
"Quick! If anyone from Homeland Security tortures you you didn't see anything. Now, where's the terlet?"
"Those damned kids have been throwing cherry bombs at our HO scale city again."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 25, 2008 10:35 AM
"Hi, I'm Mulder, she's Scully, and this is sexual tension."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 25, 2008 10:36 AM
"Wilkommen aus Deutschland, judischer affenmenschen! Just kidding! We're actually muslims; I'm from Saudi and the wife here is Puerto Rican--don't ask! But we are still here to kill you."
"We're from the Cherry Bomb Escorting Service. Why, what were you expecting?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 25, 2008 10:45 AM
"I'm afraid we can only stay for a few minutes."
Posted by: stcoleridge | February 25, 2008 10:50 AM
"Who here remembers David Rabe's 'In the Boom Boom Room'?"
Posted by: Tim H | February 25, 2008 11:15 AM
"I thought we'd take turns fucking it."
Posted by: J | February 25, 2008 11:16 AM
"Hey, Todd, what's the difference between this bomb and my penis? Nothing!! Haha..."
Posted by: TMo | February 25, 2008 11:20 AM
"Kathy said, 'Get 'em a bottle of wine.' I said 'Nah, that's stupid.' She said, 'Alright, then.' God, I love my wife."
Posted by: TMo | February 25, 2008 11:22 AM
"Yo, yo, yo, whassup, dis is one suicide bomber who's kickin' it Old School! Awww, yeeeahhh... what?"
Posted by: Vance | February 25, 2008 11:31 AM
"Hey, Bob, look what I found! One of our old college bombs! Doesn't this take you back?"
Posted by: Francis | February 25, 2008 11:37 AM
"Sorry, I accidentally lit the fuse while I was having a cigarette. Do you have a comically oversize bucket of water I can drop this in?"
Posted by: Francis | February 25, 2008 11:38 AM
So, who do you have to terrorize to get a drink around here?
Posted by: therblig | February 25, 2008 11:42 AM
"Boy, you're lucky I was walking under the window when you dropped this out, so I could catch it and bring it back to you. If it had hit the ground it might have broken or something."
"Never forget!"
Posted by: Vance | February 25, 2008 11:48 AM
"Who am I, you ask? Why, death, of course, come to take you. What? Sickle? Naw, that's outmoded. Now I have a more up-to-date 'reaping' weapon. - Oh, and a wife."
Posted by: Vance | February 25, 2008 11:55 AM
Here, Phil, will you take this "magic wand"? I have trouble enough hauling around my enormous right ball. Curse this elephantiasis! I'll never visit the Philippines again! Or if I do, I won't have sex with a tranny hooker! Okay, maybe I will have sex with a tranny hooker. But next time I'll wear a condom! Okay, maybe I won't wear a condom.
Posted by: kejo | February 25, 2008 11:58 AM
You bastard! It's because you prescribed thalidomide for my mother-in-law that my wife has no arms! Die, bastard, die!
Posted by: kejo | February 25, 2008 11:59 AM
How peculiar -- it appears to be night-time, but by the shape of the moon, the sun should be about the same altitude in the sky, and therefore it should be broad daylight. Ah, jeez. I'm sorry. That's an even lamer "How nitpicking can I get?" anti-caption contest entry than, say, a comment about my wife's arms not appearing in the cartoon. What's next? Should I comment on the "P. C. Vey" in the lower left corner? Oh, uh, "Look at that! Someone named 'P. C. Vey' wrote his name on the carpet!" Ah ha ha! That's rich! But seriously, we're all going to die.
Posted by: kejo | February 25, 2008 12:05 PM
"I thought we'd watch 'Gigli' tonight."
Posted by: michael | February 25, 2008 12:11 PM
Hey, Todd! Hey, Rebecca! Well, I told you I'd bring canapes! Get it? Canapes, can o' peas? Oh, shit. Well, that joke would've worked if I'd have brought an actual can of peas instead of this 50-megaton bomb.
Posted by: kejo | February 25, 2008 12:13 PM
Ever since Gary Goldsmith started posting to the anti-caption contest, life hasn't been worth living for us cartoon characters.
Posted by: kejo | February 25, 2008 12:18 PM
"Hi guys, Lynn's a bit exopthalmic today. We think it's a mild touch of Grave's Disease, or else she's amazed by our bomb."
Posted by: Chris | February 25, 2008 12:39 PM
"Veni vidi I-gotta-bomb-you-gotta-bomb-all-Gods-chillens gotta-bomb o-leevio!"
Posted by: Chris | February 25, 2008 12:41 PM
(1) "Alright, blow out the candle and make a wish! Well, not really a candle but a fuse. And not just a wish but your last wish."
(2) "Happy birthday, infidel scum!"
(3) "Die, motherfu... oh damn, Nancy, we rang the wrong doorbell. Now we're going to kill ourselves and these innocent people for nothing."
Posted by: Jacob C | February 25, 2008 12:47 PM
Hello Smiths, this is Ereens.
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | February 25, 2008 12:52 PM
I hear that Debbie Nathan book is hot stuff. Especially her PENETRATING ANALysis of "Best of Buster Hymen, Vol. 4: There Will Be Blood." I've got yr "special consideration" hangin' pal . . .
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | February 25, 2008 12:52 PM
Hi Bob, hold this, I have to shit *right now*!
Posted by: Heywood Jablomi | February 25, 2008 12:57 PM
You'd better start singing because you have 15 seconds to blow out the candle. Happy birthday, friendo.
Posted by: Charles | February 25, 2008 12:58 PM
Could you take a look at our Pilates ball? It's leaking . . .
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | February 25, 2008 1:00 PM
"The one here in the pants suit is for you-know-who. One guess who I'm for."
Posted by: Tim H | February 25, 2008 1:03 PM
"All this talk of bilingualism has got me confused. Get it? CONFUSED...?"
Posted by: Kathy H | February 25, 2008 1:07 PM
I really hope that gigantic dog of yours needs to take a piss.
Posted by: npm | February 25, 2008 1:10 PM
The orbs here are incendiary.
Posted by: therblig | February 25, 2008 1:16 PM
Sorry, I've got to put out our adopted Bob-omb son. Some asshole plumber jumped on his head and tried to throw him at the Koopas next door.
Posted by: Mike Mariano | February 25, 2008 1:17 PM
Ding dong, A-Bomb calling.
Posted by: therblig | February 25, 2008 1:19 PM
Allahu Akbar!
Posted by: Otto el Piloto | February 25, 2008 1:52 PM
"Relax! I'll extinguish the burning rope with my gigantic cymbals before you know it"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | February 25, 2008 2:04 PM
"When unabombers stop being polite and start getting real."
Posted by: maristeph | February 25, 2008 2:05 PM
"Bob, oh my god! Didn't you wear that exact suit yesterday? What are you thinking!!??"
Posted by: maristeph | February 25, 2008 2:06 PM
"Fused Scully! You crazy bastard!"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | February 25, 2008 2:07 PM
"Fused chili, you crazy bastard!"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | February 25, 2008 2:08 PM
"Honey, I know, you'll miss the bomb. I'll miss the bomb too. But the important thing is that Larry is able to give the bomb a good home for the remainder of the bomb's life, which will be approximately 15 seconds. On that note, let's jump for cover behind the couch."
Posted by: maristeph | February 25, 2008 2:11 PM
"Guess what Joan is holding behind her back!"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | February 25, 2008 2:13 PM
"Welcome to the neighborhood! We thought you might enjoy being blown up in a comically-inspired fashion."
"Check me out. I'm the death of the party. Get it?"
"I've got a hemorrhoid this big, and - well, you get the idea."
"No kids. Just me and the old bomb-and-chain."
Posted by: MAtt | February 25, 2008 2:15 PM
"Here's what I think of your fucking housewarming party. Now where's the booze?"
Posted by: Ed C | February 25, 2008 2:29 PM
"We can't stay long."
Posted by: Ed C | February 25, 2008 2:35 PM
"I couldn't resist the going out of business sale at The Bomb-bay Company, which is incidentally right beside The Bombay Company, which is also going out of business."
"I got you a little something in celebration of your Parcheesi win last week you smug son of a bitch."
"Where did I get this bomb?... I think the more important question is, 'How did I get this bomb through the door frame, or even how I am physically holding onto-- [explosion/wet splats of body parts hitting walls, ceiling, floor]"
Posted by: Mo Buck | February 25, 2008 2:38 PM
"And you thought the only reasons to dread our visit were my penchant for telling wildly inappropriate jokes and my wife's B.O."
Posted by: Ed C | February 25, 2008 2:43 PM
"Wow, Tom, you look concerned about this giant bomb I'm carrying. I guess I should have anticipated that reaction, but it's funny how my wife and I both being diagnosed with terminal cancer has changed my perspective on things."
Posted by: Ed C | February 25, 2008 2:49 PM
"I heard you were pissed that we didn't bring anything last time."
"We never know what to get you."
Posted by: C@Lmike | February 25, 2008 3:07 PM
Oh, this is a house WARMING party. I thought you said it was a house EXPLODING party.
Posted by: Adam G | February 25, 2008 3:20 PM
As soon as I put this down as instructed, please teach me how you learned to point with your ears!
Posted by: Charles | February 25, 2008 3:26 PM
"Here."
Posted by: al in la | February 25, 2008 4:00 PM
You'll never believe this! We were walking down Broadway and I saw an old, battered oil lamp in the gutter. I opened the lid, and, with a curl of smoke, there emerged a hard-of-hearing genie. How do I know he was hard-of-hearing? Well, see for yourself! I ended up with a four-foot long cherry bomb! I had asked for a four-foot long penis. Those don't sound anything alike.
Posted by: kejo | February 25, 2008 4:17 PM
Damn you, shadysidelantern, that's *my* unfunny meme!
Beside which, it should be "Fuse is lit, you crazy bastard!"
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 25, 2008 4:40 PM
"Help me! Some fiend has impaled Maggie Simpson's severed head on my Hippity-Hop!"
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | February 25, 2008 4:46 PM
"Folks, by the looks of your décor, this can only be an improvement."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 25, 2008 5:27 PM
"Let me make you an offer you can't defuse."
Posted by: Tim H | February 25, 2008 5:29 PM
"It's actually unbelievably soft, like a lens cloth or something. We had to show both of you."
Posted by: Morgan | February 25, 2008 6:26 PM
"Put your right foot in/ oh fuck yeah/ put your right foot out/ I'm the fucking king"
Posted by: Xavier | February 25, 2008 6:31 PM
When it blows up, we'll all be dead.
Posted by: Tom | February 25, 2008 6:51 PM
Lead me to the meth, Stanley!
Posted by: LK | February 25, 2008 7:15 PM
"Where should I put the piñata?"
Posted by: Rubrick | February 25, 2008 7:15 PM
It has a nice bouquet, a bit pretentious, but mellow...oh fuck we'll all gonna die.
Posted by: simsburybear | February 25, 2008 7:25 PM
And later, we can drop a cartoon piano on our cartoon heads...fun!
Posted by: simsburybear | February 25, 2008 7:28 PM
Well, whad'ya expect from a 'toon...
Posted by: simsburybear | February 25, 2008 7:32 PM
Oh shit, it's Crystal with her latest destructive relationship.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 25, 2008 7:43 PM
Hello Ali, I have brought you a chicken pot pie from the Ms. Rice. She regrets that she cannot attend in person.
Posted by: douglas howser | February 25, 2008 7:48 PM
Have you heard? Another commercial airliner just hit the second tower. It's definitely an act of terrorism. Oh, hey, that reminds me...
Posted by: Urgh | February 25, 2008 8:01 PM
You know, these things are illegal in Nebraska.
Posted by: Ernest | February 25, 2008 8:05 PM
Allāhu Akbar!
Posted by: Ernest | February 25, 2008 8:08 PM
This comically oversized bomb is a metaphor for my comically oversized penis. Or testicle, I'm unclear on that.
Posted by: Ernest | February 25, 2008 8:10 PM
"You'll name seven brands of cigarettes and whistle twice...NOW!"
Posted by: Greg | February 25, 2008 8:13 PM
"I brought a couple of megatons- do you mind?"
Posted by: LV | February 25, 2008 8:14 PM
" so I said what'll we do
there?, and she said you always have charades, so I said, charades, my ass..."
Posted by: Greg | February 25, 2008 8:16 PM
Oh, I just love what you've done with the -- ka-BLAM!
Posted by: Ernest | February 25, 2008 8:17 PM
"....ANSWER ME! ...I said, are you going to bring out the vacation pictures tonight?...."
Posted by: Greg | February 25, 2008 8:22 PM
"How's this for a short fuse, Mr. and Mrs. Busybodies"
Posted by: Greg | February 25, 2008 8:23 PM
"You've gotta read The 7 Habits Of Highly Explosive People."
Posted by: dwilk | February 25, 2008 8:42 PM
We just got back from Yemen and man, they have the coolest souvenirs.
Posted by: boneguy | February 25, 2008 8:57 PM
Sorry we're late, we had to rush straight from a car bombing and...uh-oh.
Posted by: Dave | February 26, 2008 12:11 AM
"Sorry Mr. Affleck, the Academy still hasn't forgotten about 'Gigli.'"
Posted by: al in la | February 26, 2008 1:05 AM
STAR TREK!
"Dammit Jim, I'm not a doctor! Oh wait...I AM a doctor but that's hardly the point. That bomb MUST explode if we are to ever fix his distorted second nose, or hat."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 26, 2008 1:33 AM
Kind of exploded a bomb on Kejo's point, whatever it was.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 26, 2008 1:38 AM
"Somebody set up us the bomb... You have no chance to survive make your time."
Posted by: Brian L | February 26, 2008 1:47 AM
"They gave me this at the stand-up open mic."
Posted by: Brian L | February 26, 2008 1:48 AM
"We're taking this party hostage until you meet all our demands for... FUN!!!"
Posted by: GilbertBob | February 26, 2008 2:17 AM
...so then I said, "strong enough to carry around a bomb that will kill us all."
Posted by: AlfertoJiminez | February 26, 2008 4:31 AM
Janice was horrified at the stink of the dogshit that was about to be tracked across her clean carpets.
Posted by: megan | February 26, 2008 5:34 AM
Confidence Man: OF COURSE its yours. Where do you think I get all this hilarious stuff?
Posted by: shadysidelantern | February 26, 2008 7:13 AM
"Relax. She's a dummy."
Posted by: dwilk | February 26, 2008 7:15 AM
"I'm feeling Post Bardem Depression."
Posted by: dwilk | February 26, 2008 7:26 AM
"If we can perfect this walk, we're going to audition for a Don Martin cartoon."
Posted by: shadysidelantern | February 26, 2008 7:30 AM
"Me too. I always assumed they were round...like a bowling ball. But see for yourself. Flat. Like a pizza."
"Don't just stand there, man. Give me a hand with this. I had to carry it all the way up here."
"I have the advanced copy of Will Ferrel's new movie. Want to watch?"
"Well, I found out something interesting. You, your wife Ann, and I are ALL related! I should have expected it. Our ears all have that weird 'Y' shape where the hole should be."
"It's a bomb, dummy. Gee, you act like you've never seen one....lit"
Posted by: Johnny V | February 26, 2008 7:41 AM
"She's gonna blow any minute. How 'bout your wife?"
Posted by: dwilk | February 26, 2008 8:08 AM
"Do you still have that fancy wick trimmer from Yankee Candle?"
Posted by: David | February 26, 2008 8:18 AM
"I couldn't take living in a world without knees!"
Posted by: David | February 26, 2008 8:19 AM
"When Chertoff gets here he's going to shit his pants. Threat level brown, motherfucker!
Posted by: David | February 26, 2008 8:22 AM
It was half off at Martyr's Surplus.
Posted by: boneguy | February 26, 2008 8:58 AM
"We're a bit early, sorry; the taxi driver drove REALLY fast."
or
"We had a whole subway car to ourselves!"
Posted by: stcoleridge | February 26, 2008 9:31 AM
"We hope you don't already have one."
Posted by: Jay | February 26, 2008 10:04 AM
"Trick or treat."
Posted by: Chris | February 26, 2008 10:26 AM
"I've come to kill you in the name of Allah, but I'm going to do it zanily."
Posted by: John Tabin | February 26, 2008 10:32 AM
"I bet when you invited Newt Gingrich over you didn't expect him to look exactly the way Gary Trudeau drew him in the 90s."
Posted by: John Tabin | February 26, 2008 10:35 AM
"Okay we found it." (Exiting backwards) "Thank you... Thank you very much."
"Hey I though it WAS your idea. You said, 'Next time we get together we should LIGHT UP a BOMBER.' I had no idea you meant POT!"
"Nice sweater, Bill. It makes you look like Bing Crosby."
Posted by: Johnny V | February 26, 2008 10:56 AM
thought
Posted by: Johnny V | February 26, 2008 10:57 AM
"Oh look, there's a waning crescent moon out tonight!"
"Your doorman has a real attitude problem."
"The best part is, it's full of scorpions!"
Posted by: Brian | February 26, 2008 11:05 AM
"You put your right foot in,
And you shake it all about,
You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around-
It's all about to end!"
Posted by: LR | February 26, 2008 11:50 AM
"Would you like to switch to A-TNT?"
Posted by: LR | February 26, 2008 12:29 PM
"When I punch a hole through the door I fill it with sealer like this. If you were aiming for the wife you were about a foot too high."
Posted by: LR | February 26, 2008 1:29 PM
"Madge! Stan! Ya gotta try colonic irrigation! Look what just came outta my butt!"
Posted by: J.D. | February 26, 2008 1:42 PM
"Hoist with my own petard, anyone?"
Posted by: J.D. | February 26, 2008 1:46 PM
Well, this IS Apartment C4, isn't it?
Posted by: therblig | February 26, 2008 2:26 PM
"Oh, don't worry. It's not really a bomb; it's just a cardboard cutout of a bomb. Ceci n'est pas une Bomb, eh? (Chuckle.) No, the real bomb is strapped to my wife's chest, under her blouse."
Posted by: Rubrick | February 26, 2008 2:29 PM
Merry Christmas boss! This is from the Clark Griswald family in appreciation of your gift of the Jelly of the Month certificate. Sorry we can't stay around but we're double-parked downstairs.
Posted by: Fred M | February 26, 2008 4:05 PM
"It's the funniest thing. I just saw Evrolet Girl playing marbles with one of these."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 26, 2008 4:13 PM
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Boris Badanov and this is my slinky partner, Natasha. Where are moose and squirrel?
Posted by: JohnyB | February 26, 2008 4:37 PM
"Thank goodness the NYPD is busy violating the Fourth Amendment rights of young black men. Otherwise I never would have it made over here with this."
Posted by: J.D. | February 26, 2008 4:52 PM
Shit. Correction: " ... Otherwise I never would have made it over here with this."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 26, 2008 4:53 PM
"It's official. With white privilege, you can get away with ANYTHING."
Posted by: Shawn | February 26, 2008 6:54 PM
"Para bailar la bomba,
para bailar la bomba,
se necesita una poca de gracia.
una poca de gracia pa mi pa ti.
arriba y arriba
y arriba y arriba, por ti sere,
por ti sere.
por ti sere.
Yo no soy marinero.
yo no soy marinero, soy capitan.
soy capitan.
soy capitan.
Ba-ba-bomba,
ba-ba-bomba,
ba-ba-bomba,
ba-ba-bomba!"
Posted by: jim M | February 26, 2008 7:08 PM
I hope it will divert attention from my incontinence.
Posted by: tito | February 26, 2008 8:46 PM
We're cartoons so, you know, we'll be alright.
Posted by: Brian L | February 26, 2008 9:36 PM
Could you help me find a place to set down this bomb? I don't have any eyes.
Posted by: Matt Smith | February 26, 2008 11:01 PM
"Happy birthday! The spaghetti is cooking in the hot tub, so start practicing your blowing and sucking!"
Posted by: Kosmicki | February 27, 2008 12:27 AM
"Quick! Where can I hide this?"
Posted by: Vance | February 27, 2008 1:08 AM
"Hey homey: you lose cuz a short fuse comes in many hues,
so don't discount your natty New Yorker dudes, but my arms are short, and this burden is weighty, can you pick this up like you did my old lady?"
Posted by: Kosmicki | February 27, 2008 1:34 AM
"Yes it's real, yes it's about to explode and yes we're all going to die. What is this--20 questions?"
Posted by: dwilk | February 27, 2008 7:01 AM
"And you thought that you were to surprise me?"
Posted by: David | February 27, 2008 7:55 AM
"Hi David, Linda. Uh, hi Ted, long time no see."
Posted by: earlg | February 27, 2008 8:55 AM
"If you see something, say something, motherfucker!"
Posted by: jim M | February 27, 2008 10:23 AM
"Hi. Is this the meeting of Polish suicide bombers?"
Posted by: al in la | February 27, 2008 12:31 PM
"With this, we can get into that safe that fell on your car a couple of weeks ago."
Posted by: jim M | February 27, 2008 12:42 PM
"I brought a present for little Jimmy. Where is that rascal?"
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | February 27, 2008 1:07 PM
"I decided to leave the big one at home this time."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | February 27, 2008 1:08 PM
A red headed hooker - $200
A nuclear bomb - $5,000,000
A fake fuse - $15
The look on your guests faces - priceless.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 27, 2008 2:34 PM
HELLO I'M TECH SUPPORT TO FIX YOUR APPLE. THIS IS MY CLUMSY BUT CUTE ASSISTANT.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 27, 2008 4:37 PM
While all of our attention is presently focused on this enormous bomb that I am carrying, I would also like to point out that you have a very odd piece of artwork in your house which appears to be nothing more than a squiggly line.
Posted by: David | February 27, 2008 4:39 PM
"I do not know why I wore a tie."
Posted by: Tim H | February 27, 2008 4:40 PM
I'm surprised by the number of crumbs on your floor. Typically when people have company over, they make an extra effort to clean up ahead of time.
Posted by: David | February 27, 2008 5:02 PM
I hope you don't mind that I brought along my friend, who looks like Maureen Dowd but with a very different hairstyle.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 27, 2008 5:05 PM
"You know it's so hard to find a sitter for a special needs child."
Posted by: J.D. | February 27, 2008 6:22 PM
Goodbye cruel world and especially you, Josh.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 27, 2008 6:26 PM
Let this bomb represent the superiority of my captions these past couple weeks. Let the party guest represent the other posters. By the way, that near flat line on the abstract painting is a metaphor for brain activity.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 27, 2008 6:47 PM
Oh, I know there's people smarter, funnier than me on this forum....NOT!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 27, 2008 6:49 PM
Hello, I represent the last person you would want as your pilot on your way to Cairo.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 27, 2008 6:54 PM
"Well, Dick, we can tolerate the giant cherry bomb as long as you don't smoke Kools through your tracheotomy hole again. That's just scary."
Posted by: J.D. | February 27, 2008 6:54 PM
It's a metaphor for Hillary's performance at last night's debate. Or one of Farrakhan's testicles. Which did we decide, honey?
Posted by: therblig | February 27, 2008 10:17 PM
Sorry, we waited till the last moment and all the store had was this or Knick's tickets.
Posted by: Owen | February 27, 2008 10:24 PM
"Allahu akbar to you, allahu akbar to you, allahu akbar dear Maaaaaar-tin, allahu akbar to yoooooou!"
Posted by: Francis | February 27, 2008 10:50 PM
Hey did anyone do a 'death of party' joke yet? Oh yea, further up this pathetic list. Wow.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 28, 2008 12:01 AM
The Make a Wish Motherfucker Foundation: Because no life is so valuable that it can't be sacrificed for another man's dream.
Posted by: Shawn | February 28, 2008 1:03 AM
"What does it look like, dick-for-an-ear?"
Posted by: dwilk | February 28, 2008 2:50 AM
"Argh! I was so close to winning that signed Debbie Nathan book for you *wink-wink* but they overlooked my killer Star Trek entry. Meh, that's ok. Radosh gave me an even better award! Thought I'd share. I'm a sharer, you know!"
Posted by: Gunt Hoor | February 28, 2008 3:38 AM
"Ah, ah, ah, brother... Don't let Satan tempt you into believing in Big Bang."
Posted by: Tom S. Entz | February 28, 2008 4:28 AM
"Kung Hey Fat Choiiiiii!!!!!", rang Roger's cheery voice but the lovable and quirky Chinese friend was quickly disabled and fatally mauled by the Rubrecht's retired police dog, Rex.
Posted by: U R Sally | February 28, 2008 5:06 AM
"HEY. Whay are you 2 doing in our apartment???! And wearing OUR clothes!?!"
Posted by: Johnny V | February 28, 2008 6:47 AM
"HEY. What are you 2 doing in our apartment???! And wearing OUR clothes!?!"
Posted by: Johnny V | February 28, 2008 6:47 AM
I love your extra wide doors. I was going to blow out the frame so we could walk in side-by-side, but I see that's not necessary. Silly me. Say good bye.
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 28, 2008 7:45 AM
in the previous caption, please mentally turn off the italics after "love"
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 28, 2008 7:48 AM
"Big news today guys. BIG news."
Posted by: R.K. | February 28, 2008 9:38 AM
"I'm sorry, I thought this was Archduke Ferdinand's apartment. But it's not. Man. Theres goes World War I."
Posted by: Nixon | February 28, 2008 11:16 AM
"Hey, you two have those cool Obama-looking ears."
Posted by: jim M | February 28, 2008 11:27 AM
"Why can't I ever get you two to make eye contact?"
Posted by: jim M | February 28, 2008 11:29 AM
"Why yes, I do smoke and drink and there IS a history of heart disease in my family. Why do you ask?"
[NOTE TO JUDGES: Not only is the above caption "non-sexual" there is a clear PSA aspect. That should be worth something, no?]
Posted by: al in la | February 28, 2008 12:53 PM
"No, it's my kid's art project. He calls it 'Earth with a Palm Tree On It.' Cute, huh?"
Posted by: jim M | February 28, 2008 2:29 PM
I have a big fucking bomb.
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 28, 2008 4:27 PM
"My late friend, Joseph Heller, willed me this prop from his first play We Bombed in New Haven."
Posted by: Tim H | February 28, 2008 4:39 PM
Hi! We're just here to let you know that if you'd bought the novelty giant toilet the last salesman was offering, we wouldn't all be about to die now.
Posted by: Walt | February 28, 2008 5:02 PM
"Tom, how the hell are ya? Hey, I've got a good one. What's big, black, and explodes all over your wife? I mean besides that guy from unit 21D."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 28, 2008 5:40 PM
"Ted, Ellen, I won the pot of gold at the blindman's raffle!"
Posted by: dwilk | February 28, 2008 9:14 PM
"God, I'm gonna miss you guys."
"I find it offensive that our society thinks all monacle-wearing cyclopes are suicide bombers. I mean...well, you know, I am."
Posted by: NecroDew | February 28, 2008 10:05 PM
So I said to my colleague here, "What a lovely day...for bombing real estate!" But we settled for a median-sized apartment instead because the only judge in the district believes people too poor to own houses are welfare kings or something like that.
Posted by: NecroDew | February 28, 2008 11:22 PM
"If it's not love, then it's the bomb. The bomb. The bomb. The bomb. The bomb. The bomb. The bomb that will bring us together. Sorry, I have a stuttering problem."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 28, 2008 11:59 PM
"Thanks for inviting us to stay with you this week. I brought this long-burning homemade candle to cover up your awful stench."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 29, 2008 12:26 AM
During the stretched space-time instant before the flash, Todd perceived an shocking connection between his current predicament and death.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 29, 2008 1:42 AM
"Secretly, I am voting for McCain."
Posted by: old | February 29, 2008 2:29 AM
I remember Sally. She went out with this self-styled anarchist/comic named Armando in the early 1930's. Sally was a corn-fed naive girl from Des Moines with modest appetites. And here was poor Sally with this bisexual practical joker who loved animals, I MEAN FARM ANIMALS!
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 29, 2008 3:11 AM
Stop the contest now. Each of my 25 submissions is clearly better than all the other pond scum.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 29, 2008 7:14 AM
"Greetings from Pepperland!"
Posted by: David F | February 29, 2008 12:06 PM
"Just checking your 'post-9/11' security, people...... it's not good."
Posted by: Sam L. | February 29, 2008 12:10 PM
"The 99-cent Store was all out of IED's, so we went with a factory model. Happy leap year day."
Posted by: Mike in LA | February 29, 2008 12:22 PM
"Did you take me figuratively when I predicted your party would bomb ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 29, 2008 12:26 PM
"You were absolutely correct. We as a society are still profiling domestic terrorists."
Posted by: Sam L. | February 29, 2008 12:44 PM
"You were absolutely correct. We as a society are still profiling domestic terrorists."
Posted by: Sam L. | February 29, 2008 12:44 PM
Hey look what I got! It's Mohammed's head!
Posted by: Achmed ibn Bufu | February 29, 2008 1:07 PM
"We as recent converts to The Ascetic One, desirous of establishing our allegiance for all time within the local 'cell', come prepared to bomb this 'blast' should alcohol of any kind whatsoever be found upon the premises.......... Oh, sorry ! Wrong door ! Regret to have disturbed your 'family circle' !"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 29, 2008 1:42 PM
Futher up the list there is a post under my name:
"Stop the contest now. Each of my 25 submissions is clearly better than all the other pond scum."
THAT IS NOT MY POST!!!!!! SOMEONE IS SPOOFING ME
But I agree with the sentiment 100%
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 29, 2008 1:56 PM
"Yeah, ain't it just like March to come in like a BOMB?!"
Posted by: Kathy H | February 29, 2008 4:56 PM
"Sorry, we didn't have a chance to wrap this."
Posted by: BA | February 29, 2008 5:57 PM
----Oops, posted the same caption twice ! How did THAT happen ? Wasn't even my bes. ...uh, worst ! ----
Posted by: Sam L. | February 29, 2008 6:02 PM
"We hope you like red."
Posted by: BA | February 29, 2008 6:04 PM
"Did you really think you could stay Anonymous forever? Say hello to Xenu for us! Ahahahaha!"
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | February 29, 2008 7:05 PM
"Happy birthday Achmed.
We thought 72 virgins
would spice up the party."
Posted by: baron | February 29, 2008 7:22 PM
"Jesus fucking Christ!!! this thinks hevy. Hey, Alice grab the worm painting while I fuck Jerry's wife....snort, snort, garble
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 29, 2008 7:40 PM
I wrote the above post. But I disagree with it.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 1, 2008 12:08 AM
Seriously folks, I was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder a couple of years ago and THIS is NOT HELPING.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | March 1, 2008 12:13 AM
OH SHIT, it's that bisexual, practical joker, self styled anarchist/comic animal fucker with poor Sally, the corn-fed girl from Iowa who was naive BUT had huge sexual appetites.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith Ver 2.0 | March 1, 2008 12:38 AM
Kejo, one of my post slights you by accident oh well here is reprint which shows my affection for one of your posts.
"Here, Phil, will you take this "magic wand"? I have trouble enough hauling around my enormous right ball. Curse this elephantiasis! I'll never visit the Philippines again! Or if I do, I won't have sex with a tranny hooker! Okay, maybe I will have sex with a tranny hooker. But next time I'll wear a condom! Okay, maybe I won't wear a condom."
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith Ver 2.0 | March 1, 2008 1:30 AM
"Happy Birthday! Lois didn't have time to bake a cake, so we just stuck a sparkler in this mutant glazed popem."
Posted by: David John | March 1, 2008 3:33 AM
"I love life-sized Stratego night."
"Dude, prop comedy went out with Carrot Top."
"I thought bombs like this only existed in cartoons."
"I'm gonna blow you motherfuckers back to the stone age... and then stick a spear through your throat."
"Careful, that thing might blow your toupee clean off."
Posted by: Kurt | March 1, 2008 4:22 AM
"135 caption contests and not one negro face. Day-um."
Posted by: J.D. | March 1, 2008 10:06 AM
"It's sort of like Pictionary, just a little more graphic."
Posted by: BA | March 1, 2008 10:10 AM
"Carol thought this would look good in that empty bowl on your coffee table."
Posted by: djack | March 1, 2008 10:53 AM
"Sorry, we can only stay for about 9.8 seconds, then we have another party to go to."
Posted by: Mike in LA | March 1, 2008 12:47 PM
"I'd like you to meet my wife, Nancy. I'll introduce you to my 72 virgins in a few minutes."
Posted by: Harry | March 1, 2008 4:40 PM
"If my wife can't clean up the debris from this explosion in 20 minutes, you can have her absolutely free."
Posted by: Harry | March 1, 2008 4:43 PM
"Greetings earthlings. I bring you this large explosive as a token of peace."
Posted by: Harry | March 1, 2008 4:46 PM
"Say 'Hello' to my leetle friend!"
Posted by: Kathy H | March 1, 2008 6:09 PM
Eric and Margot had hatched the perfect plan to ensure that this would be the year that the neighbours wouldn't be complaining about the loud music.
Posted by: megan | March 2, 2008 4:31 AM
Comment: just for the record, i never see what the "real" winning caption is. Sometimes I just wanna know, can you add it to the comments when you pick your winners?
Posted by: Brian L | March 2, 2008 1:13 PM
Why yes, it is another Jeff Koons piece. We thought it would go well with your oversized dog.
Posted by: Owen | March 2, 2008 2:15 PM
Hi, I'm Larry, and I'm the Republican you hired for this evenings entertainment!
Posted by: fred | March 2, 2008 2:27 PM
to Brian L. its the New Yorker magazine original contest, google it
Posted by: jonbrown | March 2, 2008 6:03 PM
"Just trust me: it won't be pretty, but it'll make you carbon neutral."
Posted by: Mike in LA | March 2, 2008 9:29 PM