The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #133
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
[a Neanderthal animal rights meeting]
"It's so wonderful that you saved that giant beast from the hunters. Soon we'll convert everyone to a healthy vegetarian life style and finally displace that other emerging human species." —MAtt
FInalists
"Hey, Og, Gor said you had coke?" —TG Gibbon
"Do you have any art that's not about you?" — J
Honorable mention
(Gestures and makes unintelligible noises because speech hasn't developed yet.) —Jacob
"Well, the good news is that you've survived impalement by a spear. The bad news is that, because you're not bleeding, our clan has decided you must be a demon. We'll be burning you at the stake momentarily."—Tom
"We just wanted to thank you for being a part of the effort to kill the Giant Headless Emo Haircut that had been menacing the tribe."—The Confidence Man
"Despite the obvious shock value of impalement, your artwork lacks originality. Cavemen hunting a mastodon? You might as well throw in a smoldering volcano and hit every cliché in the book."—mypalmike
"It's funny cause it's true!" —maristeph
"Things are showing up on YouCave almost as soon as they happen!" —shadysidelantern
"Hey how many Neanderthals does it take to change a light bulb? Don't know, huh? Well I don't know either because the light bulb hasn't been invented yet , ha. ...BUT IF light bulbs did exist here, I'd say t it would take at least twice as many Neanderthals to Cro Magnums because they have really fat fingers. Personally, I find neanderthal fingers disgusting, not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just that I think of myself as somewhat evolved. Thank you very much" —GG
Comments
“Wow, that’s you in the pictogram! I have so many questions! Were the other people chasing you, or that weird looking animal? What kind of animal was it, anyway? Why does the animal look like it has two tails? Are those hairs sticking up from its back, or are they spears? It looks like you were running away, screaming like a girl. Is that what you did? Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but that’s not very hero-like, is it? And why is the spear still stuck in your shoulder? Wanna shag?”
Posted by: Deborah | February 4, 2008 9:53 AM
"How long have you known the Cheneys?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | February 4, 2008 9:54 AM
Is it dead? Can we poke it? Is that part of the whole "thing"? Or will we get in trouble?
Posted by: simsburybear | February 4, 2008 10:01 AM
"Well, it's not quite an Arrow shirt, but it's nice."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 4, 2008 10:04 AM
"Remember? Last summer? Point Pleasant??"
Posted by: Tim H | February 4, 2008 10:13 AM
"We've just come from the Flintstone exhibit on pointillism, but, frankly, you have got him beat."
Posted by: Tim H | February 4, 2008 10:17 AM
That must be very painful!
Posted by: Tom | February 4, 2008 10:31 AM
Does it hurt when you drink java, man?
Posted by: therblig | February 4, 2008 10:34 AM
Well, the good news is that you've survived impalement by a spear. The bad news is that, because you're not bleeding, our clan has decided you must be a demon. We'll be burning you at the stake momentarily.
Posted by: Tom | February 4, 2008 10:36 AM
Og here kept telling me you were a tool. I had no idea he was being so literal.
Posted by: therblig | February 4, 2008 10:40 AM
"So, they tell me that you're Britney's father..."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 4, 2008 10:50 AM
"Harvey, the cave painting is really nice, but we know you just slipped while trying to sodomize yourself with the spear. Still, very remarkable that you haven't succumbed to infection."
Posted by: MAtt | February 4, 2008 10:52 AM
"Wow, that looks really cumbersome. Here's my card- stop by my office and I'll make it shorter for you."
Posted by: Deborah | February 4, 2008 10:54 AM
"Talk about raw and confrontational, that Chris Burden has nothing on you. Do you think my Manolos will be OK in the cloak-room?"
Posted by: Kosmicki | February 4, 2008 11:00 AM
"Fine art. A buffet of succulent caveman. Oh, Ted, you really know how to treat a modern woman!"
Posted by: MAtt | February 4, 2008 11:01 AM
"Could you point us to the white wine and cheese cubes?"
Posted by: jim M | February 4, 2008 11:05 AM
"Ooh! Ooh! I can't believe you're here in person! Will you do that 'Wild and Crazy Guy' routine?"
Posted by: Vance | February 4, 2008 11:15 AM
"What happened to your face?"
Posted by: Richard | February 4, 2008 11:20 AM
"Your art used to be naive, but since the accident it has become wonderfully primitive."
Posted by: GilbertBob | February 4, 2008 11:20 AM
"Ogg, it's brilliant! It really looks like actual people standing in front of the other 'artwork'! You've come up with a whole new art form - we should call it something like 'fool the eye'! Well, I suppose we can work all that out after your funeral."
Posted by: Vance | February 4, 2008 11:23 AM
"Hi, we're not here for the opening, I just really really really really really really have to use the ladies' room. Which way is it?"
Posted by: Vance | February 4, 2008 11:28 AM
"His waiting-room artwork is a little hackneyed, but I heard he's an absolutely wonderful accupuncturist... oh, Grug, there you are! Well, did it work?"
Posted by: Vance | February 4, 2008 11:33 AM
[a Neanderthal animal rights meeting]
"It's so wonderful that you saved that giant beast from the hunters. Soon we'll convert everyone to a healthy vegetarian life style and finally displace that other emerging human species."
Posted by: MAtt | February 4, 2008 11:46 AM
"Gleetings, honolable Tliangle Foot."
Posted by: Chris | February 4, 2008 11:59 AM
"Sorry, if you want to call it outsider art, you're going to have to paint it outside."
Posted by: jim M | February 4, 2008 12:48 PM
I guess with the coming ice age, this will all be considered refrigerator art.
Posted by: therblig | February 4, 2008 12:52 PM
"Well, it's like they say. Spear me once, shame on you. Spear me twice, won't get speared again."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 4, 2008 12:58 PM
Too bad he had to die, but really, what a fine example of taxidermic art!
Posted by: kejo | February 4, 2008 12:59 PM
"So, you believe an invisible man in the sky intervened and spared your life? Quaint idea, but it will never catch on."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 4, 2008 1:12 PM
"Did smeone here cal for a doctor?"
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 4, 2008 1:26 PM
I'm sorry, but I'm sharing a cave with Ed now. Believe me, it's not you, it's me.
Posted by: Marc Seger | February 4, 2008 1:26 PM
"I didn't know anyone was living here inside the giant pistol."
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 4, 2008 1:27 PM
"We love your artistic rendition, but why were you trying to kill Robin Williams?"
Posted by: Kathy H | February 4, 2008 1:29 PM
"Golly, that's horrible! Was anyone hurt?"
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 4, 2008 1:36 PM
correction:
"Did someone here call for a doctor."
(I had someone spell it for me.)
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 4, 2008 1:38 PM
"We're here to impose our morality on you; and if you don't agree we'll go on Fox News and say you are attacking our religion. Got it?"
Posted by: al in la | February 4, 2008 1:39 PM
Wow! I love men with body piercings, tattoos and uniforms and since tattoos and uniforms have'nt been invented yet, you have to be the coolest guy around these parts.
Posted by: Fred M | February 4, 2008 1:57 PM
"What's the name of that
insurance even a caveman
can use?"
Posted by: baron | February 4, 2008 2:13 PM
"Do you have any art that's not about you?"
Posted by: J | February 4, 2008 2:18 PM
"Is that a spear piercing your flesh just below your right clavicle, or are you just happy to see us?"
"We're absolutely transfixed! But not in the literal way that you are."
Posted by: Rubrick | February 4, 2008 2:40 PM
I like this new form of communication - it's Biographical, it's Linear, and it's by Ogg. So, what do you call it?
Posted by: therblig | February 4, 2008 2:51 PM
"Yes, Mr. Brady, we'd love to donate to support the spear control bill in your name."
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 4, 2008 2:55 PM
[Is that James Brady or Tom Brady?]
Posted by: mypalmike | February 4, 2008 3:08 PM
"I hear you have a job in the single-bullet-theory display! How is that going?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | February 4, 2008 3:31 PM
i see they're bored with you now that theyve got their fasciniting drawing on the cave wall to ogle over *rolls eyes* what a bunch of barbarians.
Posted by: jane | February 4, 2008 3:36 PM
uh...do you need any help with that spear stuck through your throat??
Posted by: jane | February 4, 2008 3:38 PM
The meeting for the Caveman's Society for Survivors of Tribal Attacks was going well.
Posted by: jane | February 4, 2008 3:40 PM
Caveman says: Yeah they really got me good. And they weren't even hunting me for meat or fur....they're just aggressive ....They wear leaves... Scary huh.
Posted by: jane | February 4, 2008 3:46 PM
We just wanted to thank you for being a part of the effort to kill the Giant Headless Emo Haircut that had been menacing the tribe.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 4, 2008 4:03 PM
Homo habilis, you crazy bastard! How are you?
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 4, 2008 4:07 PM
Have you heard of "2 Neanderthals 1 Spear"?
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 4, 2008 4:09 PM
"Ohhh, me love wall painting! What great about this land before time is rich caveman spear same thing as poor caveman. You can look outside and see mammoth, and know that tribe leader eat mammoth, big tribe slut eat mammoth, and just think, you can eat mammoth, too. A mammoth is a mammoth and no extra clams get better mammoth than the one the bum on the corner is spearing. All the mammoths are the same and all the mammoths are good. Big slut knows it, tribe leader knows it, and you know it."
Posted by: Chris | February 4, 2008 4:11 PM
You know, the Party *always* does this to the initial frontrunner in the primaries.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 4, 2008 4:11 PM
"Some of our best friends own a Pierce-Arrow."
Posted by: Tim H | February 4, 2008 4:14 PM
"It's a wonderful indictment of our throw-spears-first, ask-questions-later society."
Posted by: Francis | February 4, 2008 4:15 PM
If only you were black, we might be able to sell this!
Posted by: LK | February 4, 2008 4:44 PM
"No, there's no pain from the spear sticking through my shoulder. The acupuncture needles in my arm and calves have totally blocked it."
Posted by: jim M | February 4, 2008 4:46 PM
"....I really wouldn't have mentioned the stale crackers, myself"
Posted by: Greg | February 4, 2008 4:54 PM
"....I used to have a pen like you...but it was much smaller and more kinda like a troll doll."
Posted by: Greg | February 4, 2008 4:56 PM
"....well, yeah...if you pull it out now after all that time, it's really going to hurt like hell...."
Posted by: Greg | February 4, 2008 4:58 PM
"We're looking for something that would match our sofa....."
Posted by: Greg | February 4, 2008 4:59 PM
"It really seems like a cool idea, truly it does, and I love the explanatory graphic, but um, I think you might have a little ways to go in refining this... er.. what did you call it? 'Circumcision?'"
Posted by: Vance | February 4, 2008 5:05 PM
Which modeling agency did you say you worked for?
Posted by: glide | February 4, 2008 5:06 PM
Is this the method acting school?
Posted by: Keith | February 4, 2008 5:08 PM
"If we weren't pre-verbal, this would be the time for a witty quote."
Posted by: Glime | February 4, 2008 5:14 PM
"When you're dead, can I get my spear back?"
Posted by: Keithy | February 4, 2008 5:17 PM
"Can you come over to my place? I've got a fire going and wanted to roast marshmallows, but there are no sticks to be found."
Posted by: Julia | February 4, 2008 5:22 PM
"'Spear' me your sob story!"
Posted by: Matty | February 4, 2008 5:23 PM
"When I said OK to a three-way, I didn't know that you were two of them!"
Posted by: Kagey | February 4, 2008 5:30 PM
"Thanks again. Your suicide spearing has really helped the cause."
Posted by: MAtt | February 4, 2008 5:36 PM
Oh, you really shouldn't let those critics get to you....
huh - too late...
Posted by: simsburybear | February 4, 2008 5:54 PM
"You better move out of the hood!"
"Does Hillary Clintstone know about the violence in your neighborhood?"
"We get it, you are advertising the new restaurant at Boulder Ridge Cave called, Spear-It and Beer!"
Posted by: jeena | February 4, 2008 6:32 PM
(1) "That looks really painful and probably life-threatening. You should really go to a hospital instead of standing around in a museum."
(2)
Posted by: Jacob C | February 4, 2008 6:36 PM
Number (2) should be:
(Gestures and makes unintelligible noises because speech hasn't developed yet.)
Posted by: Jacob | February 4, 2008 6:38 PM
"Despite the obvious shock value of impalement, your artwork lacks originality. Cavemen hunting a mastodon? You might as well throw in a smoldering volcano and hit every cliché in the book."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 4, 2008 7:25 PM
Ugh. Woman behind me have arm look like boob.
Posted by: Maxwell Hammer | February 4, 2008 7:48 PM
Eli, it's incredible that you managed to win when, just twelve weeks ago, all of NY wanted you gone. How did you overcome that adversity? What was it like when Belichick speared you after the game?
Posted by: Brian L | February 4, 2008 8:09 PM
"It's my 15 minutes of inflammation."
Posted by: dwilk | February 4, 2008 8:32 PM
"My husband would just love to rip out that spear from your shoulder and then stick his cock in the wound until he shoots a snotball of come right into your bloodstream. Interested?"
Posted by: Trout Almondine | February 4, 2008 8:34 PM
"I knew this wasn't our polling place. Disenfranchised, yet again."
Posted by: David John | February 4, 2008 8:36 PM
"They nailed me all right, but were penalized for having 12 men on the field."
Posted by: dwilk | February 4, 2008 8:39 PM
"We know a doctor who can get your spear count down a little."
"We love your work in 'The Mastodon Whisperer', but we had no idea you did your own stunts."
Posted by: LV | February 4, 2008 8:41 PM
"I'd like you to meet my nephew. He wants to be an artist just like you. We really love your work!"
Posted by: Ernest | February 4, 2008 8:58 PM
"So, the trajectory of the spear, and the fact that you're still alive, rules out a suicide."
Posted by: dwilk | February 4, 2008 9:20 PM
Mom has just always been more comfortable letting her left breast dangle outside of her moomoo, but at least she has the modesty to cover-up the "fun" part. We appreciate your understanding.
Posted by: Marcie | February 4, 2008 9:51 PM
"The arrows here sever clean."
Posted by: al in la | February 4, 2008 11:33 PM
"You think this is bad? You should see the other guy!"
Posted by: maristeph | February 5, 2008 2:13 AM
"This cave drawing would seem to imply the opposite of what I represent, with my grisly wound. Oh well. Anybody want to have sex?"
Posted by: maristeph | February 5, 2008 2:19 AM
"Oh this? It's nothing! The really terrifying thing: my ass is sore and I have no idea why."
Posted by: maristeph | February 5, 2008 2:21 AM
"It's funny cause it's true!"
Posted by: maristeph | February 5, 2008 2:25 AM
"Is that a spear sticking out of your neck or are you just happy to see me?"
Posted by: maristeph | February 5, 2008 2:31 AM
"That one of the rubber chicken will look perfect over the sofa."
Posted by: Kosmicki | February 5, 2008 2:41 AM
I see it that I'm part performance artist, part life model, which goes well with with the suffering artist part.
Posted by: Gary | February 5, 2008 5:52 AM
"When we were invited to the opening we had no idea we'd meet a celebrity and here you are.... hey, wait a minute... You are an Og look alike!"
"The mural captured the big kill PERFECTLY...So.... Grug here was wondering... Can he have his spear back?"
"What mean 'Only when I laugh'?"
"So, this is the 100 clam winner in the 'Funniest Cave Painting' Show!?! Was it staged?"
"I hope this isn't a bad time... but I have met someone else... "
Posted by: Johnny V | February 5, 2008 6:36 AM
"How ironic. You keep staring at my front despite forgetting to watch your back."
Posted by: dwilk | February 5, 2008 7:26 AM
"Oh, don't thank me. I'm just so happy I could rescue you from being trapped inside that picture in the museum. Just lucky I carry a concealed spear. Sorry about it getting stuck and all."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 5, 2008 8:08 AM
oops, that anonymous was me
Posted by: JohnnyB | February 5, 2008 8:08 AM
"Hey, Og, Gor said you had coke?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 5, 2008 8:31 AM
"I just love Mike Huckabee/Dog fighting/According to Jim/Choate! [choose one]"
"Gerry here likes things a little more abstract but I love art with a clear Linear B narrative."
"Is that as good as you can draw?"
Real life winners:
"And what made you choose a spear?"
"Does the spear represent anything specific or is it just wacky for wacky's sake?"
"Do you deliberately try to draw the viewer into the work or am I just taking this way too seriously?"
"Do you paint from your own life or do you just make it all up?"
"I'm interested in process. Can you tell me about your process?"
"You asked everybody to dress as cavemen. Is that part of the art or was it just for fun? And is there a difference between art and fun?"
"I see Gramsci in your work, was that conscious?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 5, 2008 8:44 AM
"Loved your use of PowerPoint."
Posted by: LV | February 5, 2008 8:57 AM
Well, if YOU think you have it bad with your "impalement", try living with my sister "Pat" here...she is taller than everyone, is hairier than an ape and has the worst gas in the Jurassic.
Posted by: tlazar | February 5, 2008 9:49 AM
"Veni vidi ooot-greeeet-growr-graggghhh-o-leevio!"
Posted by: Chris | February 5, 2008 10:50 AM
"I know you're inventing the whole artistic persona thing from scratch, but I believe it's a chip, not a spear, and it's supposed to be on your shoulder, not through it."
Posted by: jim M | February 5, 2008 12:05 PM
"You know what would be really funny? If you turned around quickly and hit my husband in the head with the spear handle."
Posted by: jim M | February 5, 2008 12:28 PM
"The screening of your autobiographical pic 'The Spearchucker Sagas' was the bomb, but distribution will have to wait until we get past Black History Month."
"You think that hurts? Just wait 'til you're skewered by the critics."
"It's Super Tuesday and apparently the voters have spoken- better brush up your concession speech."
Posted by: LR | February 5, 2008 12:42 PM
"This gallery of yours is amazing! I suppose it helps that you have a full-time staff."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 5, 2008 12:58 PM
We really appreciate the extra effort you've been putting in during the writers' strike.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | February 5, 2008 1:02 PM
"Well, Grogg, I think you're selling yourself short when you say, 'So easy, even a caveman can do it.' "
Posted by: Tim H | February 5, 2008 1:17 PM
"Thanks for bringing it to the Roadshow. How did you come to own the piece?"
"If I'm not careful, I could really get stuck on you."
Posted by: LR | February 5, 2008 2:25 PM
So how did you get that spear through your shoulder?
Posted by: Richard E Davidson | February 5, 2008 2:57 PM
I just loved you in Braveheart!
Posted by: Richard E Davidson | February 5, 2008 2:59 PM
Do you know van Goah?
Posted by: Richard E Davidson | February 5, 2008 3:09 PM
I just love it! Can you e-mail me a copy?
Posted by: Richard E Davidson | February 5, 2008 3:12 PM
This is why I prefer Fox. When the New Wall Times wrote about this, they only covered the black man who got speared.
Posted by: Charles | February 5, 2008 3:19 PM
I think this guy was the model for the wall painting "Last Man to Die for a Mistake."
Posted by: Charles | February 5, 2008 3:20 PM
"Is it true that you zigged when you should've zagged?"
Posted by: Kathy H | February 5, 2008 3:27 PM
"So, when you went out that morning to sketch the mastadon's asshole, you didn't know about the hunting party scheduled for noon?"
Posted by: Sybil | February 5, 2008 3:32 PM
"Pleeeeze Grog.. one more time. Do that flailing of the arms think...like in the painting, but scream like a girl!"
"So... where is the free food and the bar?"
"Okay... you're sleeping on your side. What else is new Brug?"
"Yes, Yes, we saw the painting... Now which one was you, again?"
Posted by: Johnny V | February 5, 2008 4:24 PM
THING... not think
Posted by: Johnny V | February 5, 2008 4:25 PM
THING... not think
Posted by: Johnny V | February 5, 2008 4:25 PM
"Hmmm. What mean 'friendly fire'?"
Posted by: Johnny V | February 5, 2008 4:26 PM
“There’s a woolly mammoth outside that wants to have a good guffaw at your expense.”
Posted by: al in la | February 5, 2008 5:29 PM
"All in all, not the best way to exterminate body lice, eh?"
Posted by: J.D. | February 5, 2008 8:33 PM
"Oh, you artists and your body piercings!"
Posted by: Dave | February 5, 2008 9:48 PM
"I'm not gonna pay a lot for this muffler!!!" Get it??
Posted by: Henry | February 5, 2008 9:54 PM
"This modern art seems so... bloodless."
Posted by: Dave | February 5, 2008 9:56 PM
"Aahhh... I think I finally see your point."
Posted by: Dave | February 5, 2008 9:58 PM
"Let me give you a little projectile tip..."
Posted by: Dave | February 5, 2008 9:59 PM
"So how exactly did you find out that Mankoff liked the cartoon but not the caption you had written for it?"
Posted by: RichM | February 5, 2008 10:49 PM
"Vitiligo?"
Posted by: J.D. | February 6, 2008 5:14 AM
"What mean 'dialectical restructuring of pre-agricultural workplace power dynamic?'"
"What mean use of color?"
"What mean 'vernissage?'"
"You right. Jackson Pollock pussy."
"What's your policy on validating existence? Do we have to buy anything? Or is it enough we show up?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 6, 2008 5:34 AM
Sorry for the over-posting; I have Obama-fever.
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 6, 2008 6:04 AM
"It made me hot when you called me 'dirty whore' last night. But this is today, and I'd really prefer it if you just called me mom."
(That was so funny last week, that it's STILL funny with a different cartoon!)
"We are here from the insurance conpany to investigate the accident. I am Sheilia Stone, and this is my partner Crow Magnon, P.I."
Brun, the tribe isn't laughing AT you they are... uh... ok we are laughing at you."
Posted by: Johnny V | February 6, 2008 7:20 AM
Company
(sorry for the postings, too.. I just have a fever)
Posted by: Johnny V | February 6, 2008 7:22 AM
Love, love, love the artwork. Have you ever thought about doing commercials? Maybe we could even get a development deal at one of the networks?
Posted by: GilbertBob | February 6, 2008 9:55 AM
"Me get it! You human cocktail weiner! Ha ha! Wait...what IS cocktail weiner?"
Posted by: Chris | February 6, 2008 10:44 AM
"Thank you for your service."
Posted by: Joshua | February 6, 2008 11:23 AM
"So, you say they retrained you from being a javelin thrower to being a javelin catcher? Well, that's just sad."
Posted by: Kathy H | February 6, 2008 11:33 AM
"I see they've given you the shaft...and then some."
Posted by: Tim H | February 6, 2008 11:41 AM
Of course we're in the right era. After all, nothing predates us. Can I interest you in an issue of Watchtower?
Posted by: PeterK | February 6, 2008 2:13 PM
"Things are showing up on YouCave almost as soon as they happen!"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | February 6, 2008 3:19 PM
"While you really suck at the Caption Contest, here you really have captured what a schlemiel you are quite nicely."
Posted by: Michael in LA | February 6, 2008 3:31 PM
"We don't get it. But we LOVE your use of color!"
Posted by: Michael in LA | February 6, 2008 3:32 PM
John, this playfully lifelike piece was sculpted by Dwayne Hanson's great great great great great great great grandson. Oh, you question how I know that? He's my fucking husband...that's how I know that. Let's fool around after the show.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 6, 2008 3:36 PM
John, this is Forg, the greatest life model in the history of our art. The taxidermist did him for free. In fact taxidermists all over the globe competed for the contract. The RFP stated that Forg's representation should have the love of mamouth in his eyes. Let's fuck now.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 6, 2008 3:56 PM
John, isn't it so cool that we Know the Earth is a globe when most people don't know they their ass from a hole in the ground, where most of these fuckers still shit into. Let's strip off right now. Fuck these artsy fartsy types.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 6, 2008 4:01 PM
John, this guy was stupid enough to craw into that weaponized contraption featured in a previous cartoon. Do you think you'd like to fuck me with that type of thing?
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 6, 2008 4:16 PM
John, I should tell you that I'm pregnant with Dwayne Hanson's great great great great great great great grandson. Maybe we shouldn't fuck.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 6, 2008 4:21 PM
John, the type of life model you are looking at petered out long ago for obvious reasons.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 6, 2008 4:25 PM
Before we leave, where's the best corner to take a shit?
Posted by: Ricky Jones | February 6, 2008 4:37 PM
We just love the way you've incorporated ochre.
Posted by: Ricky Jones | February 6, 2008 4:39 PM
"If I were you I'd hunt down those sp**r ch*ckers and [obscenity] them in the [vulgarism].
Posted by: J.D. | February 6, 2008 4:42 PM
We're here for the Hands-on Sex Workshop.
Posted by: Pete | February 6, 2008 4:56 PM
John, these are the stuffed remains of the Artist/Comic Formally Known As Grog. Critics swear he's funnier now.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 6, 2008 5:35 PM
John, one day they'll be a series of commercials about us that will start of strong and really peter out of ideas. But the good news is that I just saved a whole lotta money on my manmouth insurance. I feel great but there something I need to know -what is money and what is insurance? I'm so flustered that I goona take a shit right now in the corner.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 6, 2008 5:50 PM
Your art has spirit, Lance.
Posted by: Ricky Jones | February 6, 2008 6:07 PM
"Our hands itch terribly- do you recommend macropuncture?"
Posted by: LV | February 6, 2008 6:25 PM
John, it if I lifted that spear off that poor excuse for a sculpture and rammed it up your ass? Would that be plagerism or merely utilizaton of 'found' art?
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 6, 2008 7:01 PM
"You tried valiantly to stop the poachers from killing the beast. Too bad you didn't murder all those bad men; we would have invited you to join PETA."
Posted by: Brian L | February 6, 2008 8:54 PM
"We're the Torvalds. We reserved a table near the jousting and the rape of the Cro-Magnon women."
Posted by: Joshua | February 6, 2008 9:18 PM
Jackass - The Cave Painting
Appearing in caves now.
Posted by: Shawn | February 6, 2008 9:46 PM
Hey how many Neanderthals does it take to change a light bulb? Don't know, huh? Well I don't know either because the light bulb hasn't been invented yet , ha. ...BUT IF light bulbs did exist here, I'd say t it would take at least twice as many Neanderthals to Cro Magnums because they have really fat fingers. Personally, I find neanderthal fingers disgusting, not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just that I think of myself as somewhat evolved. Thank you very much
Posted by: GG | February 6, 2008 10:21 PM
God only knows how many legions of lower slave primates had to die for us to enjoy this swanky facility...have you tried the crab pate?
Posted by: Anonymous | February 6, 2008 11:01 PM
"So it's a phallic symbol? Interesting."
Posted by: David | February 6, 2008 11:37 PM
"So what you're saying is that it's better to hunt from the back of the pack. I can totally see that now."
Posted by: David | February 6, 2008 11:39 PM
"We couldn't help noticing that in the painting the spear appears to have pierced you much deeper than it did in real life. In the painting, it sticks out in front nearly as much as it does in the back. So we would like our money back."
Posted by: Richard | February 6, 2008 11:46 PM
Could we offer you some literature about Jesus Christ Our Savior... or perhaps you'd prefer the illustrated version?
Posted by: Ned | February 7, 2008 1:26 AM
So... do you swing?
Posted by: Ned | February 7, 2008 1:36 AM
So were both your parents made of marshmallow too?
Posted by: Ned | February 7, 2008 1:40 AM
"What spear?"
Posted by: dwilk | February 7, 2008 3:02 AM
"No, I don't think the paintings brighten the cave up. In fact, I think the cave is turning more and more into a shithole with each passing day."
Posted by: David John | February 7, 2008 5:30 AM
"Maybe this is a sign we should get our jobs at the office back and reenter society."
Posted by: David John | February 7, 2008 5:48 AM
I pissed artistically on the other side of the cave - I guess that makes me the prehistoric Duchamp.
Posted by: therblig | February 7, 2008 9:50 AM
Mr Schnabel, I have in my hands the freshly aborted fetus of our son. Might you incorporate it into one of your works? It would mean a great deal to us.
Posted by: johan | February 7, 2008 10:00 AM
"Xenu Shmenu. Cain here just wandered in from out West and you should hear the story his father told HIM."
Posted by: J.D. | February 7, 2008 3:30 PM
"Aahhh... a fine example of pointillism. Or is it fatalism?"
Posted by: Dave | February 7, 2008 7:11 PM
"45,000 years from now, this sort of thing will be known as 'friendly fire."
Posted by: Dave | February 7, 2008 7:15 PM
"Well, as they say, 'unga bunga.'"
Posted by: Harry | February 7, 2008 10:20 PM
"Thanks for bringing that bean dip and, again, I am so sorry about impaling you with a spear. But to be fair, you don't seem to be dying."
Posted by: Matt Smith | February 8, 2008 2:27 AM
"I guess you won't be deep throating your boyfriend's penis any time soon."
Posted by: J.D. | February 8, 2008 3:00 AM
"How about a bit of the old in-out, in-out?"
Posted by: K | February 8, 2008 5:58 AM
"The hunting in these parts is a little slapdash, isn't it?"
Posted by: K | February 8, 2008 5:59 AM
"I guess this is as close to Campbell's soup cans as you can get these days">
Posted by: K | February 8, 2008 6:01 AM
"So, I told him he could take his spear and shove it."
Posted by: dwilk | February 8, 2008 7:18 AM
"You remind me of our comedian friend Steve, except he has an arrow through his head."
"It's a shame they don't give out Stone Age Oscars for Best Stuntwork."
"Who could ever forget your big play in the Super Hunt?"
"It looks so life-like!"
"Is that spear real?"
Posted by: David F | February 8, 2008 3:03 PM
So you're Clovis! We've always wondered about that.
Posted by: Walt | February 8, 2008 5:21 PM
"We usually don't attend openings because of all the backstabbing."
Posted by: dwilk | February 8, 2008 8:46 PM
Oooh... sucks they don't invent anesthesia for another like 50,000 years.
Posted by: Ned | February 8, 2008 10:12 PM
John, it's not Tom Cruise come back through time to drag you back for execution.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 9, 2008 5:31 AM
"So you were guiding men toward a major quest, they turned on you and 'put you to death'. But you 'rose again' and now you're a celebrity. Sounds like a hoax fit for the Enquirer. But lots of people will believe anything and I think your story has legs- we're going to run with it."
Posted by: LV | February 9, 2008 12:01 PM
"Great ! Then, as our historians are even now depicting, there was no truth to the news we first received that you had been struck from in front by some 'knucklehead' of ours foolishly positioned at the top of some grassy knoll ! Thank Thor ! A spear to your forehead from the front might well have proved fatal !"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 9, 2008 2:33 PM
So sorry. But you told me that this dress was an exclusive and, as you can see, that man over there is wearing one just like it.
Posted by: Charles | February 9, 2008 6:08 PM
"I've noticed that a really nice pedicure draws attention away from spears through the shoulder."
"That's great about the New Yorker review- too bad most people just read the cartoons."
Posted by: Kosmicki | February 10, 2008 12:54 AM
is that a spear in your shoulder or are you just happy to see me?
Posted by: megs | February 10, 2008 5:15 AM
Horrace was ahead of his time when it came to body piercings.
Posted by: megs | February 10, 2008 5:17 AM
"So then he screams 'Don't spear me bro!' and I started laughing my ass--oh, sorry, maybe this is not a good time to tell that story."
Posted by: Dex | February 10, 2008 12:26 PM
"I guess it could be my fault... As the local prostitute, I've probably told every man in the village to throw their spear into Mike Hunt at one time or another." (Translated from the original ancient Sumerian, a language in which this lame joke happens to also work.)
Posted by: mypalmike | February 10, 2008 6:12 PM
"Ugga-bugga? Booga-oogaa!"
Posted by: John Tabin | February 10, 2008 7:03 PM
"Yes, of course-- we all know she can have a perfectly awful temper.... but would you please, please ask your woman not to touch the paintings ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 10, 2008 8:54 PM
"O, Glig, really ! You may suspect all you like, but you know perfectly well that without strong evidence of motive, these charges of 'intent to commit murder' almost never hold up at Solstice!"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 10, 2008 9:16 PM
"Still in all, it must give you a great sense of consolation that such heroism as you evidenced that day was instrumental in ridding our world of the last known member of species 'Hornus peccari' !"
Posted by: Sam L. | February 10, 2008 9:30 PM
"Pitchers and catchers report on Thursday...Don't you Met fans think it's time to stop dwelling on last season?"
Posted by: al in la | February 11, 2008 1:13 AM
"It's no mystery why we Neanderthals are dying off. Just look what happens whenever some of us go out hunting with Cro-Magnons."
Posted by: Rick K. | February 11, 2008 2:55 AM
If only we had some way of inscribing witty dialogue next to your amusing illustration.
Posted by: Kurt | February 11, 2008 5:34 AM
"So understanding of you, Aaargh ! If it's of any consolation at all , we want you to know 'Tactics' has modified boar-hunting procedure in the direction of the more wide-open, so-called 'west coast' offense."
Posted by: Sam L. | February 11, 2008 11:30 AM
"Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 11, 2008 12:53 PM
Is this where the last lecture seminar series is?
Posted by: Joe | February 11, 2008 1:07 PM
Everyone is over at Thornton Melon's party.
Posted by: Joe | February 11, 2008 1:08 PM
"Dr. Radosh says we'll be with you shortly. He's busy promoting a book, you know."
Posted by: Anonymous | February 11, 2008 4:41 PM
We saw your school's 'Draw Me' ad on the two rocks we were rubbing together to start a fire.
Posted by: David W | February 11, 2008 9:42 PM
This called "Og Illusion." Look like spear through Og not line up. But when put straightedge along spear... see that spear really not line up. Illusion is think anyone care, when really, no one care.
Posted by: Walt | February 11, 2008 11:30 PM
*I'm twisting the funny rag with all my might*
"Oh my god! Scorp, this is Gorgo. He was the first man to club me and drag me back to his cave."
"So you're one of Ferderline's kids? Looks like you've got a little Spears in you too.
Posted by: Brian L | February 12, 2008 2:14 AM
"Art imitating death, what an interesting concept!"
Posted by: David W | February 12, 2008 5:03 AM
I'd say just had a brush with death if he weren't using a spear.
Posted by: David W | February 12, 2008 5:06 AM
Early efforts to invent the Etch-A-Sketch usually met with disaster.
Posted by: David W | February 12, 2008 5:20 AM
"Stay away from me, I just caught a sore throat."
Posted by: David W | February 12, 2008 5:25 AM
Even though the 2008 election is 80,000 years from now, Hillary Clinton's strident speaking voice bothered Grog so much that he had himself impaled.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 12, 2008 1:22 PM
"You know so much! Tell me about the giant butthole in the sky."
Posted by: Brian L | February 12, 2008 9:21 PM
"We just so wanted to tell you - you certainly know how to milk the funny."
Posted by: RichM | February 12, 2008 9:40 PM
John, how could I possibly suckle our baby when milk wont be invented for another one hundred years.
Posted by: Gary Goldsmith | February 13, 2008 12:41 AM
John, your type of smile leads me to believe that you are a total moron.
Posted by: Gary | February 13, 2008 12:47 AM
"Maybe if you'd at least bleed a little they'll give us a new cartoon."
Posted by: al in la | February 13, 2008 2:04 AM
"Ivan, funny thing about spear penetrating through hole in you -- in America, man is penetrating through hole in Spears. Ha ha! Thank you, am being here all week."
Posted by: Joshua | February 13, 2008 2:13 AM
"Yeah, the spear is a nice touch. Do you know anybody who could surgically separate our hands?"
Posted by: dwilk | February 13, 2008 7:18 AM
"And speaking of nasty gashes, how's your wife?"
Posted by: J.D. | February 13, 2008 6:51 PM
"What? Are you deaf AND stupid too? For the FOURTH TIME!! - is that a spear, or are you just happy to see me?"
Posted by: dwilk | February 14, 2008 5:24 AM
"Take it from me -- chicks dig scars, but going around with some guy's spear in you is a little gay."
"Hey I say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger -- or chronically debilitated."
"Bob Shiska, nice to see you -- you dyslexic bastard."
Posted by: C@LMike | February 14, 2008 5:25 PM
"Shut up you Neanderthal, everyone knows your spear is a clip on."
Posted by: al in la | February 14, 2008 5:42 PM
"Where does it hurt?"
Posted by: Joshua | February 14, 2008 8:40 PM
"We hear art therapy is doing wonders these days! What are your therapist's rates?"
Posted by: Michael in LA | February 15, 2008 11:54 AM
"Um, boy that Jane Fonda, what a mouth on her..and what about this weather?...um, I still can't get over the Giants winning. That was something...Say? Have you seen that new 'Terminator" show on Fox? Our kids love it...So, um, I take it you're some type of hunter...?"
Posted by: Caption Contest... DAY 11 | February 15, 2008 1:05 PM
"I always found art confusing."
"Are we too early for dinner?"
"Did we mention that we were vegetarians."
"Gee I love how you wear your spear."
"Well this takes care of the hairball in my throat."
Posted by: Team 536 | February 15, 2008 8:49 PM
"Elementary principles of physics have not yet been derived. I guess you could say I'm paying the price."
Plus, nine more:
1. "I know it's a cliche, but sometimes discretion really is the best part of valor."
2. "Yeah, I'm a little uncomfortable, but you should see the wooly mammoth."
3. "The guy said he mistook me for a wooly mammoth, but I find that just a bit difficult to believe."
4. "The plan seemed great on paper." (On the wall? On stone?)
5. "I'm new to this, and the guys said we take turns being in front. Some practical joke."
6. "Hey, I'm glad I persuaded the team not to use machine guns."
7. "No, I wasn't afraid, but I think I was misled by Steve Martin's nonchalance about the arrow through his head."
8. "Pretty ironic that this happened on Valentine's Day, don't you think?"
9. "If this whole thing seems crazy, it's because they were throwing Brittany Spears."
Posted by: Joel Jacobs | February 18, 2008 1:10 AM