The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #127
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner?
Honestly, I didn't read a single entry this time. Let's call it a 200-way tie.
Honorable mention chose by guest judge Mo Buck
My cone isn't truncated. (groan)
"Well, we're not allowed to use waterboarding anymore."
I thought it might be funny like if some random passerby were to come by, it may look like somebody had fallen through but besides that, no, there's no reason I made the whole in the shape of a man.
Why, I'm fishing for the elusive double-tailed splay-finned Canadian muskellunge, of course.
"Yep. Harry was a man of his word. He said that the moment he came across the world's biggest thimble he would end it all in a particularly odd -- yet efficient -- fashion."
We are going to play a trust building game. Please stand at the base of my ice hole and raise your hands perpendicular to the ground.
"The fishing's not so good, but just to be at the place where the Universal Product Code was invented is well worth the trip."
"He wants to call it a 200 way tie. Let's see how he feels about that when I pull him back up."
Comments
Yeah, it won't last long and I have no idea whether anyone else will see it, but honestly, can you think of a better way to pay tribute to Keith Haring?
Posted by: Tom | December 17, 2007 9:32 AM
"Yes, I am attempting to recover the body of last July's drowning victim. Why do you ask?"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | December 17, 2007 9:36 AM
I'll be careful...
You'll be dead...
Posted by: simsburybear | December 17, 2007 9:36 AM
I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. Seriously. Did I cast my buddy in there? Did he fall in through the ice? Do I think I can pull him out through a hole that is exactly his size, even though that would be impossible unless he comes out in the exact same direction that he went in? I mean, seriously, what the fuck??? You'd better ask Dd, because I haven't got a goddamned clue.
Posted by: Tom | December 17, 2007 9:38 AM
"Couldn't hurt. I tried catching fish through a hole shaped like my initials for a week, and not a bite."
Posted by: gary | December 17, 2007 9:43 AM
"Well, as a wife she was a cheating bitch, but as bait she's awesome."
Posted by: gary | December 17, 2007 9:43 AM
"You wanted to try bungee jumping? We don't do bungee jumping around here."
Posted by: GilbertBob | December 17, 2007 9:43 AM
"and so the hunter becomes the hunted..."
"ah yes, and man be both a tame and a wild animal, who may be hunted either by force or persuasion ..."
"sophism my friend...the real question is, how are we going to explain this to Doris?"
Posted by: simsburybear | December 17, 2007 9:45 AM
My son drowned in these waters three years ago today. . . Why do you ask?"
"Have you seen 'Enchanted?'"
Posted by: gary | December 17, 2007 9:45 AM
"Et in Arcadia, buddy, et in Arcadia. Hey, you want a beer?"
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | December 17, 2007 9:47 AM
"Well, we're not allowed to use waterboarding anymore."
Posted by: shadysidelantern | December 17, 2007 9:50 AM
"If they don't bite here, I'm going to try those hand-shaped holes over there."
Posted by: shadysidelantern | December 17, 2007 9:52 AM
"MAAAAANFISHIN!"
Posted by: Mike Mariano | December 17, 2007 9:56 AM
"I find the "Ice Angel" method very effective."
Posted by: jim M | December 17, 2007 9:58 AM
"I used to love her,
but I had to kill her
I used to love her,
(ooooooh, yeah)
but I had to kill her
She bitched so much
She drove me nuts
And now I'm happier this way."
Posted by: Deborah | December 17, 2007 10:05 AM
We are going to play a trust building game. Please stand at the base of my ice hole and raise your hands perpendicular to the ground.
Posted by: Mo Buck | December 17, 2007 10:06 AM
"Smirnoff Ice reminds you: drink responsibly."
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | December 17, 2007 10:07 AM
"The fishing's not so good, but just to be at the place where the Universal Product Code was invented is well worth the trip."
Posted by: Tim H | December 17, 2007 10:07 AM
"Nope, nothin' yet. You?"
Posted by: Joshua | December 17, 2007 10:08 AM
My cone isn't truncated. (groan)
Posted by: kejo | December 17, 2007 10:10 AM
In Soviet Union, ice fishes on you.
Posted by: Ernest | December 17, 2007 10:46 AM
"My wife just had her last meltdown."
Posted by: dwilk | December 17, 2007 10:53 AM
"I cut off his hands before I murdered him by smashing him through the ice."
Posted by: michael | December 17, 2007 10:56 AM
"It's amazing how thin they can make air tubes these days. And modern diving suits are so well insulated, you can swim in freezing water for up to an hour with no ill effects! It's really quite remarkable."
Posted by: Francis | December 17, 2007 11:03 AM
"The cops left a chalk outline of some dead guy, so I used it as a guide."
Posted by: jim M | December 17, 2007 11:04 AM
"He fell off his bucket and froze to death. I'm going to reel him into a standing position and put his gloves back on."
Posted by: jim M | December 17, 2007 11:10 AM
“Monica was such a bore, but a very good bore at that.”
Posted by: dwilk | December 17, 2007 11:13 AM
"He was an ice hole when he was alive and he's an ice hole now he's dead. That's a serious fargin' ice hole."
"Fish and plankton and proteins from the sea!"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 17, 2007 11:25 AM
"I've been out here for two months. This ice hole is my only friend. And sometimes...more than just a friend."
Posted by: Francis | December 17, 2007 11:29 AM
Good one TG Gibbon! But it should have been..."Christ, what an ice-hole"
Posted by: simsburybear | December 17, 2007 11:29 AM
"I think it was Steve Fossett - why?"
Posted by: jim M | December 17, 2007 11:37 AM
"He mumbled something about the ice being too thin to support more than one angler and then told me, 'I am just going outside and may be some time.' I wonder where he went?"
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | December 17, 2007 11:58 AM
Why, I'm fishing for the elusive double-tailed splay-finned Canadian muskellunge, of course.
Posted by: kejo | December 17, 2007 11:59 AM
"Watch your step."
Posted by: Francis | December 17, 2007 12:12 PM
"Of all the things I could be doing right now, this actually makes the most sense. Just think about it."
Posted by: abe | December 17, 2007 12:13 PM
"As usual, I fish for scale."
Posted by: Kathy H | December 17, 2007 12:23 PM
"He saw the anglefish and the seahorse over there, frozen in the ice, and he yelled 'Tropical fish - in Michigan!', and dived right in. That was about 20 minutes ago ... ; think I should pull him up?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 17, 2007 12:25 PM
"Here at Lake Winnipesaukee we can't afford to lose even one potential primary voter."
Posted by: Tim H | December 17, 2007 12:26 PM
"The hours here are piscine."
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 17, 2007 12:28 PM
"I'm a fisher of men."
"It's a manhole."
"My wife? Haven't seen her. My alibi is that I was fishing when she disappeared."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 17, 2007 12:30 PM
"Walk on water? Turns out the guy couldn't even walk on ice!"
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 17, 2007 12:31 PM
"I told him that for thin ice, your best bet is to be lying down, to distribute your weight over as much ice as possible. Then just as he went through I yelled, 'PSYCH!'"
"Holy crap, what was that, an explosion? An earthquake? An avalanche? Well, whatever it was sent us flying straight upward like this, along with the little house and my fishing dummy, and the most important thing now is to remain completely frozen in place. Or, more like, frozen in space. Heh. Get it?"
Posted by: Vance | December 17, 2007 12:31 PM
"He said, 'Patience, my ass; I'm going to kill something.' Then he dove in."
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 17, 2007 12:37 PM
"I just caught a polar bear."
Posted by: mypalmike | December 17, 2007 1:05 PM
"Warden, he saw you walking up, yelled, 'Jeez, I don't have a license!', and went right in."
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 17, 2007 1:10 PM
[INTERACTIVE CAPTION]
"The anglers here...
...can be very mean."
...like to let off steam."
...make their own ice cream."
...put in hours that are just obscene."
Posted by: al in la | December 17, 2007 1:11 PM
"I don't know, it just amuses me."
Posted by: Francis | December 17, 2007 1:12 PM
"Hey fudgesicle, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you?"
"I told him not to try to do a woodcut on a sheet of ice."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 17, 2007 1:32 PM
"I said, 'Do a snow angel, not a snow devil.' Get it? It looks like he melted through. Or would 'snow anvil' have been funnier? Oy, it's too soon, isn't it?"
Posted by: Matthew Hutson | December 17, 2007 1:52 PM
Rrrrgh! Too much molasses in this gingerbread man! Can't...pull it...up!
Posted by: kejo | December 17, 2007 1:56 PM
"Hi. Meet my friend, Highly Reflective Tarbaby Q. McGillicuddy."
Posted by: Chris | December 17, 2007 2:23 PM
"If you stand there while I reel him up a bit, he will give you the coldest blow job you've ever had."
Posted by: jim M | December 17, 2007 2:25 PM
"I'm just ice-fishing in the hole left by Garrison Keillor's body. It's what he would have wanted."
"The hours here are quite short. Hours of daylight, that is. Because we're near the Arctic Circle."
"No, no, officer. It's like a Necker cube thing. Stare at it long enough and your perspective will flip. Then you'll realize it's actually a cardboard cutout of a breakdancer, which I'm manipulating on the end of this string."
Posted by: Rubrick | December 17, 2007 2:28 PM
Either T or Cube will do. I'm not picky.
Posted by: therblig | December 17, 2007 2:55 PM
Pretty good. So far, I've caught two gloves and a bucket.
Posted by: andeux | December 17, 2007 3:23 PM
So, what do you think Sven? An Al Gore global warming joke or a tried and true "master baiter" quip? I'm too cold to decide.
Posted by: therblig | December 17, 2007 3:36 PM
Be careful: the ice is pretty thin.
Posted by: Jason Olshefsky | December 17, 2007 3:52 PM
After he cost me the hearing in my left ear and the chance to go to college, let's just say I'm no hurry to pull Harry out this time.
Posted by: therblig | December 17, 2007 4:12 PM
"What, you don't think it looks like an accident?"
Posted by: MAtt | December 17, 2007 4:15 PM
Nor am I IN a hurry to pull Harry out this time. hee haw
Posted by: therblig | December 17, 2007 4:15 PM
"Mike's dead"
Posted by: DickTrimble | December 17, 2007 4:34 PM
Uh, this is a crime scene, pal. You want to back off so we can do our job?
Posted by: Dashiell | December 17, 2007 4:35 PM
Well, Jerry's a goner, but I still I might be able to rescue the Shriner and the duck who left those footprints.
Posted by: Dashiell | December 17, 2007 4:36 PM
"You a cop?"
Posted by: Ed C | December 17, 2007 4:37 PM
"He fell through the ice and I couldn't save him. But I'm not one to dwell on the past."
Posted by: Ed C | December 17, 2007 4:39 PM
"Damn, Arkady, that guy meant it when he said he wasn't going to jail!"
Posted by: Chris | December 17, 2007 4:43 PM
"A skydiver? No, I think I would have noticed something like that."
Posted by: Ed C | December 17, 2007 4:54 PM
"Actually, his last request was for me to shut-the-fuck-up."
Posted by: al in la | December 17, 2007 4:56 PM
"Are they biting? Why don't you ask my dead friend."
Posted by: Ed C | December 17, 2007 4:57 PM
"Hello, I'm Brian Vander Ark, lead singer of the Verve Pipe. You may remember us from our nineties hit, "The Freshmen."
We've tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lack in relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbin' with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say
I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touching her face
And I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
Anyway, you probably thought the line about falling through the ice was a metaphor. It wasn't."
Posted by: John Tabin | December 17, 2007 5:02 PM
[Edit: extend italics to 2nd and 3rd stanzas of song quotation.]
Posted by: John Tabin | December 17, 2007 5:03 PM
“And then, well..., I guess Lydia's parachute didn’t open.”
Posted by: dwilk | December 17, 2007 5:51 PM
“And then, well..., I guess Lydia's parachute didn’t open.”
Posted by: dwilk | December 17, 2007 5:59 PM
"You've never truly fished until you've fished man."
(w/apologies to Jesse Ventura)
Posted by: Tiberius | December 17, 2007 6:05 PM
Thanks John T.!!
When you extend the italics to 2nd and 3rd stanzas it really is a lot funnier!
Posted by: Anonymous | December 17, 2007 6:29 PM
"If you give a fish a man, you feed him for a day. Teach a fish to man and you... Shit I think I got that wrong! Harry, come back!!!!!"
Posted by: GilbertBob | December 17, 2007 6:54 PM
"I got the stencil from
bruceleebadguy.com"
Posted by: Greg | December 17, 2007 7:23 PM
"Made a hole...looked like an arm....finished the arm..made another arm...made a body....needed a head, right?...made a head...was never good at legs...tried it anyway...not too bad, huh?
Posted by: Greg | December 17, 2007 7:29 PM
“ No, I haven’t seen your wife. The water’s too dark.”
Posted by: dwilk | December 17, 2007 7:34 PM
"Just worms. Why do you ask?"
Posted by: Ernest | December 17, 2007 8:17 PM
"I told him not to try making a snow angel."
Posted by: David | December 17, 2007 8:56 PM
"He was way too big to be out here. Look at the size of his gloves, for Christ's sake!"
Posted by: David | December 17, 2007 8:58 PM
"I'd gotten a hooker to for our trip, and she was a hot piece of ass!."
Posted by: David | December 17, 2007 9:01 PM
"It's a Sicilian mesage. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes."
Posted by: Richard | December 17, 2007 9:05 PM
"It's a Canadian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes, eh?"
Posted by: Richard | December 17, 2007 9:07 PM
"It's a Minnesotan message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes, you betcha."
Posted by: Richard | December 17, 2007 10:22 PM
I thought it might be funny like if some random passerby were to come by, it may look like somebody had fallen through but besides that, no, there's no reason I made the whole in the shape of a man.
Posted by: Owen | December 18, 2007 12:12 AM
"I was showin' him that 'Two Girls One Cup' video on my cell phone and, by golly, there he went. Yah, it's sad and all, but it beats the hell out of chainsawin' a hole through the ice."
Posted by: earlg | December 18, 2007 3:37 AM
"I dare you to say that stripped naked and drowning."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 18, 2007 5:25 AM
“She was “my everything” which included the auger.”
Posted by: dwilk | December 18, 2007 6:56 AM
"Quick! Help me hold this giant shark fin that has broken through the ice!"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | December 18, 2007 7:41 AM
"Hey, is that a stainless steel Ambassadeur Record with the Sensi-Brake Spool Bearing? Or are you just happy to see me? Ha! Hey, where's Mike?"
Posted by: Anonymous | December 18, 2007 10:00 AM
"Hi, I'm writing a trend piece on the ostensible increase in people-shaped ice fishing for the TIMES. Any chance that hole was made by an attractive forty-something career woman and mother from the upper-east side caught between competing dreams? Or an underage sex slave?
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | December 18, 2007 10:41 AM
Uh, I'm the Spool joke guy. Sorry.
PS. That's not a caption, it's an explanation of an above mistake.
PPS. Ha! It is a caption, so and so is the PS. below it!
PPPS. Unless that's not funny. Is that not funny? Alright, forget it, I'm deleting this whole entry and not hitting POST.
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | December 18, 2007 10:43 AM
"I was just sitting here fishing with Gumby and he starts talking trash. So I tell him to fuck off, and he takes off his gloves and flips me the bird, saying 'Up yours, dammit!' Then I smack him down, he falls in (through a Gumbimorphic ice hole, in true cartoon fashion) and now I feel bad. Do you know if clay dissolves in cold water?"
Posted by: LR | December 18, 2007 11:14 AM
"Funny thing. He fell off the bucket, but he didn't kick the bucket."
Posted by: Tim H | December 18, 2007 11:41 AM
"These days it's getting harder and harder to scare up a good three-on-three b-ball game."
Posted by: Kathy H | December 18, 2007 11:46 AM
"I think the last thing he said was that the money was buried under 'a big W'."
Posted by: Kathy H | December 18, 2007 11:52 AM
"Sure, he came to take a pea. And then, just like we planned, I kicked him in the icehole. But Jim, I think what we really need is a bear trap."
Posted by: mypalmike | December 18, 2007 1:00 PM
"Yep. Harry was a man of his word. He said that the moment he came across the world's biggest thimble he would end it all in a particularly odd -- yet efficient -- fashion."
Posted by: Tim H | December 18, 2007 4:10 PM
"Remember to take your hands out of your pockets if someone comes; I of course will quit fishing."
Posted by: abe | December 18, 2007 4:42 PM
"He said his name was Hoffa - thats Jimmy Hoffa, and he would rather sleep with the humans!"
Posted by: Horsefly | December 18, 2007 4:46 PM
"It was another one of those weeks. Please get started without me."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 18, 2007 4:48 PM
"...so I ended up writing 'take' instead of 'the.' I guess I was just trying too hard to take the cake. Hang on, I think somebody's biting."
Posted by: Joel | December 18, 2007 6:31 PM
"Veni vidi grumpy old o-leevio!"
Posted by: Chris | December 18, 2007 7:23 PM
"Yep- I lost my woman to the lake, and now I got nothing left to do but sing the blues...and ice-fish."
Posted by: Michael | December 18, 2007 7:57 PM
"I tried, but I couldn't fit Peg into a round hole."
Posted by: dwilk | December 18, 2007 8:23 PM
Hut go over hole, Nanook.
Posted by: Shawn | December 18, 2007 8:37 PM
CSI: Frozen fucking lake in Minnesota.
Posted by: Shawn | December 18, 2007 8:58 PM
"That's why you sit on your bucket. So the pike don't shoot your balls off."
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | December 18, 2007 10:02 PM
"Any guesses what happened to the first person that told me, 'the hut goes over the hole'?"
Posted by: C@L Mike | December 18, 2007 10:25 PM
"So it turns out that ice fishing, in and of itself, is not the stupidest thing that Minnesotans do."
Posted by: C@L Mike | December 18, 2007 10:30 PM
"A man on fire?"....can't say that I have, officer".
Posted by: Greg | December 18, 2007 11:29 PM
"I do not know why the nude snow angel you modeled
for fell through the ice. Maybe if you would have given me some help....but no, that's too much too ask. I though I captured you quite nicely, but we may never know, because you're the delicate model, and can't lift a finger."
Posted by: Greg | December 18, 2007 11:38 PM
"Larry, you've always been known for your practical jokes. And now that you've pushed Hal into the lake to freeze to death, you'll be known for your impractical jokes too. Ha ha."
Posted by: mypalmike | December 19, 2007 2:45 AM
Are those your gloves by the bucket?
Posted by: snl | December 19, 2007 10:24 AM
"He wanted to make me a 'fisher of men.'"
"I'm fishing for soul."
"Never take a prostitute fishing. She's bound to mouth off at some point and require a bitch-slap to Davey Jones' locker."
Posted by: MAtt | December 19, 2007 11:02 AM
"Call 911, I think I just seriously injured a fish!"
Posted by: David W | December 19, 2007 2:25 PM
"Bad day...just a few small fish and one big frozen Ginger Bread Man cookie!"
Posted by: David W | December 19, 2007 2:35 PM
"For shark."
Posted by: npm | December 19, 2007 3:12 PM
My asshole, I mean ice hole, is a perfect fit for you. Whoops, don't Freudian slip on the ice! (pratfall)
Posted by: Mo Buck | December 19, 2007 3:28 PM
"I would tell you a joke, but the ice will crack up! Get it? It's a pu -Oh god! The ice is cracking! We are going to die a frigid, ironic death!"
"I enjoy ice fishing through a hole shaped similar to you. Does that make you uncomfortable?"
Posted by: Mo Buck | December 19, 2007 3:51 PM
where's my fucking bojangles biscuit asshole?!
Posted by: jerkface | December 19, 2007 4:07 PM
" The Compleat Angler, hell ! More like a completed angler, to my way of thinking !"
Posted by: Sam L. | December 19, 2007 4:56 PM
"Modest, myself. Went in to piss. Larry, I guess he couldn't hold it."
Posted by: Sam L. | December 19, 2007 5:05 PM
"Never seen 'flounders' in these parts, stranger....They go straight down."
Posted by: Sam L. | December 19, 2007 5:14 PM
"You take Wood's Hole, now. They got us beat with all that there underwater gadgetry, so no one is factoring in Higginbottom's enthusiasm."
Posted by: Sam L. | December 19, 2007 5:36 PM
"I told Pete once, I told him a hundred times, said, "Pete, don't you be napping with those there battery-power, new-fangled L.L. Bean 'longjohns' on you,now don't be doing it, Pete....."
Posted by: Sam L. | December 19, 2007 5:48 PM
"I'm trying to catch a giant amoeba."
Posted by: JP | December 19, 2007 9:03 PM
"Dunno, but he sure had a wide stance."
Posted by: Dex | December 19, 2007 9:15 PM
"It's very important to always wear your gloves when ice fishing - because if you forget to wear your gloves, your hands may freeze to the rod and reel, and then if a huge fish strikes, you won't be able to let go, and then you could be dragged through the ice to a watery grave. And that's why it's important to always wear your gloves when ice fishing. - Although why anyone would think this might make a good New Yorker cartoon is beyond me."
Posted by: Richard | December 19, 2007 9:43 PM
Good thing you got out safely.
Posted by: Brian L | December 20, 2007 4:11 AM
"Why, that's not a hole, mister. That there is Tiny Man Lake, and it's my turn to fish. You're not from around here, are you?"
Posted by: Chris | December 20, 2007 8:20 AM
"If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it,
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it.
Ice, ice baby.
Ice, ice baby."
Posted by: George | December 20, 2007 9:33 AM
Winning caption: "My home was burglarized by three dolphins and a manta ray, and I need Aquaman's help."
Winning anti-caption: "I said I was going ass-fishing, not ice-fishing!"
Original caption: "This is how we Québécois find wives."
Posted by: kejo | December 20, 2007 2:37 PM
He had the car keys so I'm trying to survive. Mind giving me a ride back to town?
Posted by: Charles | December 20, 2007 4:11 PM
Yes, I'm sure I don't have a bite. Mind your fucking business.
Posted by: Charles | December 20, 2007 4:14 PM
Coming soon:
FARGO 2: FARGONE
Posted by: aljo | December 20, 2007 4:22 PM
Good friend, yes, but better bait.
Posted by: boneguy | December 20, 2007 6:46 PM
"We're gathered here to honor his dying words: 'Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll sit on an upside-down bucket on a frozen lake drinking beer all winter...'"
Posted by: Hudson | December 20, 2007 11:29 PM
"If the gloves don't fit, you must acquit."
Posted by: Hudson | December 20, 2007 11:35 PM
"Bill never listens. Last summer, he sawed himself off a tree limb."
Posted by: Hudson | December 20, 2007 11:38 PM
"I thought I needed a little chum, but then I remembered that was for shark fishin', but then I remembered we weren't that tight anyway."
Posted by: earlg | December 21, 2007 1:36 AM
"You know how that crazy Norwegian was always getting 'falling on his face drunk'"
Posted by: C@L Mike | December 21, 2007 6:30 AM
"My only regret is that there weren't any cameras around when it happened. I mean, with all them Bloopers shows and YouTube and all."
Posted by: Tim H | December 21, 2007 1:23 PM
"GO FISH!"
Posted by: Kathy H | December 21, 2007 1:25 PM
"I'm trying to catch a fish that's shaped exactly like a human guy."
Posted by: FP | December 21, 2007 1:58 PM
I happen to like gingerbread fish
Posted by: Nisrene G. | December 21, 2007 3:09 PM
"The hole is from my friend, Steve. He died skating on thin ice. By that, I mean he was a serial killer who got careless and the cops shot him."
Posted by: David John | December 21, 2007 3:15 PM
"It's cool -- fish don't believe we feel pain either."
Posted by: J.D. | December 21, 2007 4:04 PM
"Two bays diverged in a snowy range,2)Where,uncertain,puzzled which to 'cast',3)I chose the left, leaving a pal to th' right--4)When, doubting his native craft,fore-thinking 5)His imm'nent harm--;still deeming th'left right 6)(More scenic far, then too !),my track trailed trail of his 7)Where often -lo !- his weight 'd struck 'most through .....8)..Damned FROST ! Pass me those freakin' gloves, man ! Jeez, 9) My mitts are, like,'froze' as friggin' boards !
Posted by: Sam L. | December 21, 2007 9:44 PM
"Yeah, well, all you need is a coping saw. The sight of it brings the piranhas up from the bottom. And also, you need some warm human flesh for bait -- like a couple of hands, or something like that."
Posted by: Joshua | December 22, 2007 1:35 AM
"Supertramp. What are you listening to?"
Posted by: Joshua | December 22, 2007 1:38 AM
"I insisted global warming had made the ice was thin enough to fall through, but really I had cut holes on the spot. "
Posted by: Brian L | December 22, 2007 2:40 AM
"Take two more steps forward. Ha ha! Very good! Simon says take two more steps forward."
Posted by: Joshua | December 22, 2007 10:50 AM
Well let's just say that drinking and standing too close to the kerosene heater didn't work out well for old Zeke. He was a good chum... now he's just chum.
Posted by: Fred Mason | December 22, 2007 2:38 PM
"Who knew the Secretary of the Interior was such a klutz?"
Posted by: Kathy H | December 22, 2007 6:35 PM
It's my brother-in-law--he likes being bait. And guess where I tied the string...
Posted by: dookie46 | December 22, 2007 7:07 PM
"Survivor Nome... the tribe has spoken"
"So then I double-dog-dared him to do a Belly-Flop on the ice..."
"So then I said, "This sucks... I'm going to kill something", and just sorta got carried away."
Posted by: Johnny V | December 22, 2007 7:13 PM
"That jacket is slimming on you. Bob drowned."
Posted by: David John | December 23, 2007 2:17 AM
"How do I stay warm you ask? (Farts.) That's how I stay warm!"
Posted by: J.D. | December 23, 2007 12:42 PM
"Yeah, I killed him. Every year at the winter solstice I kill someone to appease the elder gods in order to stop the days from getting shorter and to bring back the light."
Posted by: Richard | December 23, 2007 2:34 PM
"It's a body of water."
Posted by: Bryce | December 23, 2007 2:44 PM
"Aw jeez, I think I'm snagged on an aorta."
Posted by: Bryce | December 23, 2007 2:50 PM
"You obviously need a pair of gloves and are interested in a sport where where you can fish through a man-shaped hole in the ice. Well isn't this your lucky day?"
Posted by: Bryce | December 23, 2007 3:01 PM
Revenge is a fish best served cold.
Posted by: Shawn | December 23, 2007 3:41 PM
If there's a problem
Yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook
While my DJ revolves it
[Ice, ice baby
Beware the ice, ice baby]
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | December 23, 2007 3:52 PM
Pull him out. This should be enough to cool down his fever.
Posted by: miljenko | December 23, 2007 5:43 PM
"It's actually better than it looks: he put up quite a fight, despite my insistence that water deaths are, traditionally, the most noble passings."
Posted by: Friedson | December 23, 2007 7:24 PM
“My fishing buddy is Johnny Fuckin’ Storm, yo!”
“Hello. My name is Ray. I am a homicide detective who is fishing for clues.”
“Watch. I’ll yank out his heart in a minute!”
Posted by: David F | December 23, 2007 10:25 PM
"You still don't get it, do you? Rick's dead! And we're next if we don't get out of here."
Posted by: David John | December 24, 2007 3:53 AM
A man could freeze to death under this ice.
Posted by: Ernest | December 24, 2007 4:54 AM
"Go tell Lassie that Timmy fell in the lake."
Posted by: Dex | December 24, 2007 12:36 PM
"She arose from the lake, bearing aloft the sword Excalibur, seeking to grant it to the one she deemed worthy to wield it. Anyway, she left this hole in the ice at her emergence, and I figured what the Hell."
Posted by: Trout Almondine | December 24, 2007 1:46 PM
"Where have all the young men gone? Long time ago. Where have all the young men gone? Gone for soldiers every one,
when will they ever learn?"
Posted by: RichM | December 24, 2007 2:03 PM
"You? *You're* the best that PETA could come up with? Well, off with the clothes, then."
Posted by: RichM | December 24, 2007 2:08 PM
Good friend. Better bait.
Posted by: klh | December 24, 2007 3:47 PM
"Dammit! Do I have to say 'heads down' every time I cast?!"
Posted by: miljenko | December 24, 2007 4:02 PM
"You should head back to town. It's gonna be getting dark soon. And by 'dark', I mean I'm going to kill another hostage from the shed."
Posted by: David John | December 24, 2007 6:42 PM
"Hey I am bored. Let's do something else."
Posted by: Johnny V | December 24, 2007 7:47 PM
"I'm thinking now that that wasn't such a good spot to tase the guy. I mean, I'm not even getting nibbles here."
Posted by: RichM | December 25, 2007 12:21 AM
"I think I am getting a NIPPLE... Get it. Nibble-nipple??!.... Okay, you're next!"
"What?"
"Okay, you said to make a hole the size of a manhole. You didn't say to make a round hole."
Posted by: Johnny V | December 25, 2007 7:33 AM
He slipped and fell.
Thanks for getting here so fast. I need someone else to pull the hooks out now.
I'm sure he'd want you to have his gloves.
Zed's in the shed, baby.
Posted by: Amy | December 25, 2007 11:50 AM
"Why not Bil Keane?"
Posted by: mypalmike | December 26, 2007 12:29 AM
I'm agreeing that the tiger shark at the nearby aquarium who devoured a human handler last year is one dangerous mofo. I'm disagreeing that it would be even remotely possible for it to somehow escape its tank, get into this lake, and come roaring up through this ice-hole to chew up our asses. I mean, that'd have to be the baddest, bloodthirstiest . . . wha the . . . AAAAGGGGHHH . . . OH GOD!!!
Posted by: Heywood Jablomi | December 26, 2007 9:46 AM
DUI? Adjustable-rate mortgage foreclosure/bankruptcy? Priest sex abuse scandal? Don't just go fishing for an unfrozen caveman lawyer. Call 877-CIROC-UG.
Posted by: Dyslexics Untie! | December 26, 2007 9:56 AM
"What happens on a frozen lake in Maine stays on a frozen lake in Maine. Wanna hit the shed for some guiltless, gay sex?"
Posted by: MAtt | December 26, 2007 2:22 PM
"Two yanks on the line means he's finished having sex with the Little Mermaid."
Posted by: Nixon | December 26, 2007 11:52 PM
"I miss the excitement, but until I build at least one more floor, I'll have to refrain myself from base jumping."
Posted by: miljenko | December 27, 2007 2:56 AM
"I would pulled it out or drowned trying, but I let it go about a mile from here, realising it was a submarine."
Posted by: miljenko | December 27, 2007 4:00 AM
"Hang on, I've almost got the heart...damn it! This sucks, next time I vote we play giant ice scrabble instead."
Posted by: byomonkey | December 29, 2007 8:05 AM
"Are you here for the Polar Bear Suicide Club?"
Posted by: Michael | December 29, 2007 12:34 PM
It's not that the ice here is too thin, he was just too fat.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 30, 2007 12:10 AM
"He was fucking my ice hole a little too vigorously."
Posted by: Bryce | December 30, 2007 9:57 PM
Actually the hole was here when we arrived. The guys from JACKASS THE MOVIE had been filming a scene where some guy covered with burning tar gets launched from a catapult machine.
Posted by: Fred M | December 31, 2007 9:51 AM
"He was this weird guy from Brooklyn who ran some kinda anti-caption contest."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 31, 2007 2:59 PM
"I've been feeling kind of down ever since my boy Tony was killed in Iraq a couple of months back. We used to come out here to fish sometimes, you know? He was just a kid - would have turned 21 this January. Oh well."
Posted by: RichM | December 31, 2007 5:11 PM
Special New Year's Eve entry:
I have a pizza for I.C. Wiener.
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | December 31, 2007 7:29 PM
"What if cod was one of us?"
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | December 31, 2007 7:29 PM
It could be D.B. Cooper. And his loot could be down there.
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | January 1, 2008 6:02 PM
I tied!
Posted by: Tiberius | January 2, 2008 3:03 PM
He wants to call it a 200 way tie. let's see how he feels about that when i pull him back up.
Posted by: JohnnyB | January 2, 2008 4:12 PM
My mother says I tie every week.
Posted by: TG Gibbon | January 4, 2008 6:16 AM