The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #126
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"It gets worse. My ass is in a de Kooning." —Mike Mariano
Finalists
"My God! I had thought that Mondrian had eschewed representationalism since the publication of "De Nieuwe Beelding in de Schilderkunst," or at least, since the founding of De Stijl. Now that I see a realist portrait in a late and otherwise neoplasticist work, I shall have to rethink some deeply held beliefs about the currents of modernist art." —kejo
"Have you ever wished for something so bad... And then when it came true you were filled with regret and remorse?" —jake
Honorable mention
[staring at woman] "Now you know what it feels like, bitch!" —MAtt
"Ha! When I told you you couldn't tell a Mondrian from a hole in the wall, I didn't realize that I could prove it by simply walking around here and sticking my head through this hole in the wall."— GilbertBob
[Woman:] "Oh my GOD! Wha - who on earth would put a freshly decapitated human head in the midst of a piece of art??? ...oh, right, Damien Hirst." —Vance
"Why am I talking to a painting? That seals it; I'm getting a prescription for Thorazine today!" —Tom
"Hold on! I'll be out as soon as I finish screwing the girl with pearl earring!" —dwilk
"Psssst! Wanna see me descend a staircase...NUDE?!?" —Chris
"In America you try to wrap your head around Modern Art. But in Soviet Union..." —TG Gibbon
"Worst... Where's Waldo... ever." —mypalmike
"Psst, realistbitchessaywhat?" — Mr. Know It All
"Oh no! That Mondrian has been defaced! Or perhaps needs to be defaced! Because it has a face in it! And it shouldn't!" —Rubrick
"Excuse me, but could you scribble a caption under me please? Don't worry, it doesn't have to make sense." —RichM
"Too inside." —Matthew Hutson
"This week’s winner: the entries thread itself. Its arc matches almost perfectly that of the cartoon’s subject, so-called modern art. Without the initial burst of creativity. Just several pre-exhausted cycles of self-referential would-be cleverness. Sadly petering out after just four days (decades). Yet we’ll all stand around applauding “the winner,” so as not to appear square." —Optimus Sub-Prime
Almost honorable mention
Confidential to Joel: Shouldn't it be "THE CAKE IS A LIE"?
Comments
My God! I had thought that Mondrian had eschewed representationalism since the publication of "De Nieuwe Beelding in de Schilderkunst," or at least, since the founding of De Stijl. Now that I see a realist portrait in a late and otherwise neoplasticist work, I shall have to rethink some deeply held beliefs about the currents of modernist art.
Posted by: kejo | December 10, 2007 9:26 AM
"Quit while you're a head."
Posted by: shadysidelantern | December 10, 2007 9:29 AM
Pervert!!!
Posted by: kejo | December 10, 2007 9:29 AM
"Future Shock, you crazy bastard!"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | December 10, 2007 9:31 AM
"I see dead people!"
Posted by: Deborah | December 10, 2007 9:33 AM
"Hell, I could have painted that."
Posted by: Dashiell | December 10, 2007 9:39 AM
"Now I see why Wikipedia says that 'Mondrian's paintings exhibit a complexity that belies their apparent simplicity'."
"The elevators in this museum take some getting used to."
"I've always found his technique too confining."
"You really have to look at his work from every angle."
Posted by: GilbertBob | December 10, 2007 9:39 AM
I said "occupied"!
Posted by: Jason Olshefsky | December 10, 2007 9:42 AM
"Ha! When I told you you couldn't tell a Mondrian from a hole in the wall, I didn't realize that I could prove it by simply walking around here and sticking my head through this hole in the wall."
Posted by: GilbertBob | December 10, 2007 9:44 AM
Good God, man! You call that a haircut?
Posted by: kejo | December 10, 2007 9:45 AM
"It gets worse. My ass is in a de Kooning."
Posted by: Mike Mariano | December 10, 2007 9:45 AM
They say "Bring a change of clothes, don't plan on going home" every Mondri-an Friday. I tell ya, the hours at this Pop Art factory are obscene!
Check it out - this square is clear glass!
I'm neutral on Liechtenstein, but Mondrian makes me wanna take over!
There's a way out of this. Go back to the caption contest entries from the desert wanderers cartoon. Something about 90 degree angles. And we've got plenty of them all around.
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | December 10, 2007 9:54 AM
Why am I talking to a painting? That seals it; I'm getting a prescription for Thorazine today!
Posted by: Tom | December 10, 2007 9:58 AM
Don't be afraid of the man in the painting, girlfriend. Your aura will protect you!
Posted by: Tom | December 10, 2007 9:59 AM
"They're he-ere."
"No, it's OK, really, it's hip to be square."
"Shhhh. . . I'm hiding from that fat guy in the Bacon. He says if he catches me, he's gonna sit on my face. AGAIN."
"When this painting's gone, the cops will never realize it was an inside job!"
"I've looked everywhere, and there's nothing remotely 'Boogie Woogie' in here."
Posted by: gary | December 10, 2007 10:00 AM
"...psst. Stick around. In five minutes the performance art folks are using that bench in their new work, Waterboarding."
Posted by: Tim H | December 10, 2007 10:04 AM
"This is what you get when the cartoonist is the Staten Island Press."
Posted by: Kathy H | December 10, 2007 10:09 AM
I got nothing, but I'm voting for kejo's first post.
I must say it's kind of fantastic to find somewhere where everyone is actually wittier and apparently more educated than myself. *sigh* The perils of living in Georgia.
Posted by: SouthernBelle | December 10, 2007 10:14 AM
"I always complained that the thing I hate most about abstract expressionism is how flat it all looks, but now I realize that I was wrong! All wrong! Oh, the irony! Wait, this is irony, right? Because I'm always confused about that."
Posted by: Francis | December 10, 2007 10:14 AM
"Excuse me, can you direct me to a painting of a bathroom? Apparently the Naked Maja thought I said 'I need to take a Piet.'"
Posted by: Francis | December 10, 2007 10:15 AM
"Lady, this is the creepiest 'fun house mirror' you will ever see."
Posted by: Kathy H | December 10, 2007 10:20 AM
HEAD: S-Salome? Is that you?
MUSEUM-GOER: John? John the Baptist? Oh gosh, this is awkward...(thinks to self) I thought by visiting only abstract art galleries I could avoid this.
Posted by: kejo | December 10, 2007 10:27 AM
SouthernBelle: I am not as educated as all that! Only enough to recognize Mondrian, and the rest I looked up on Wikipedia. (GilbertBob is not the only one!)
Posted by: kejo | December 10, 2007 10:29 AM
"Hi. I'm Art."
Posted by: mypalmike | December 10, 2007 10:48 AM
Hi, my name's Art. What's your name?
Posted by: Mo Buck | December 10, 2007 10:50 AM
[Scene: The New York Modernist Art Museum. A Woman strolls casually through an exhibit.]
Woman (notices, with slowly dawning horror, a bloody disembodied human head encased in a picture frame): AIEEEEEE !!!
[Scene: NYPD Precinct 69 Headquarters]
Detective John Munch: For the past six months the Modernist has contracted out the job of art installation to Opportunity-4-All, a non-profit that provides meaningful work to the differently abled.
Detective Odafin Tuatola: One day they send out a three-person team, and only two make it back to the office.
Detective Elliot Stabler: The blind kid says he didn’t see anything, the deaf kid signs he didn’t hear anything.
Detective Olivia Benson: How convenient that their alibis hold up. But the Down’s Syndrome kid – the kid who didn’t make it back, who ended up under glass – was Jimmy Tardstein.
Captain Donald Cragen: The brother of Dov Tardstein, scion to the hedge fund fortune and board member of the Modernist, who was instrumental in setting up the cooperative education arrangement between the museum and the non-profit.
Stabler: Jimmy was deliberately kept out of the public eye, yet he stood to inherit a full third when Daddy War-sheckels kicked it.
Benson: On the face of it you'd think that Dov and their sister Shoshanna would be "handi-capable" of such a thing. But through the years she's protected him fiercely . . .
END (change the channel)
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | December 10, 2007 10:54 AM
"Wow, it's a painting, but it's also a window!"
"Holy crap, I put my head through the wall and ruined a priceless work of art! Okay, let's just act natural and leave quickly..."
"Help! I've painted myself into a corner! Get it?"
Posted by: John Tabin | December 10, 2007 11:06 AM
"Psssst! Wanna see me descend a staircase...NUDE?!?"
Posted by: Chris | December 10, 2007 11:06 AM
Every since my Waterford Crystal address was publicized, I had to hide somewhere.
Agent 99?
Posted by: Amy | December 10, 2007 11:24 AM
Woman looking at painting: "I don't know Art, but I know what I like."
Art: "Hey!"
Posted by: SouthernBelle | December 10, 2007 11:27 AM
Guaranteed real-life winner: "I told you I was into modern art."
"There's a collie passing an ace to a bulldog!"
"In America you try to wrap your head around Modern Art. But in Soviet Union Modern Art..."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 10, 2007 11:32 AM
"Hey, lady, can you help me? I was walking around in one of those sideways buildings, and I got lost."
[Woman:] "Oh my GOD! Wha - who on earth would put a freshly decapitated human head in the midst of a piece of art??? ...oh, right, Damien Hirst."
Posted by: Vance | December 10, 2007 11:32 AM
"kejo, Francis. Francis, kejo. Uma, Oprah. Oprah, Uma. Uma, kejo. 90, 180. 180, 90. 360, Francis. Oprah, 270..."
Posted by: Chris | December 10, 2007 11:35 AM
“His paintings really suck if you get too close to them.”
Posted by: dwilk | December 10, 2007 11:45 AM
Worst... where's Waldo... ever.
Posted by: mypalmike | December 10, 2007 12:01 PM
Jennifer, een travestiet, overweegt de graffiti op de muur van het metrostation als ze pissend op de muur.
Posted by: mypalmike | December 10, 2007 12:15 PM
"Could you ask when they're going to reinstall the Albright?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 10, 2007 12:22 PM
"Sorry, my apartment windows are painted shut. I guess you're stuck out there on the ledge."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 10, 2007 12:25 PM
"Strange that that one has a face painted on it and none of the others do."
"Damn vandals. No respect for art. I hope no one comes by and thinks I drew that on there."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 10, 2007 12:27 PM
I pray that there's a cure for art immersion therapy.
Posted by: Ernest | December 10, 2007 12:28 PM
"Hold on! I'll be out as soon as I finish screwing the girl with pearl earring!"
Posted by: dwilk | December 10, 2007 12:30 PM
"Hey, we're doing the Harpo Marx mirror gag over on THIS side."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 10, 2007 12:33 PM
Help! My genitals are trapped in a Chris Ofili painting and the elephant dung is chafing.
Posted by: Ernest | December 10, 2007 12:36 PM
Hey, lady, help a guy out, will ya? Lay down on that bench over there and rub yourself all over with that Braque around the corner. ... Yeah, the one with the erect penis in it.
Posted by: Ernest | December 10, 2007 12:41 PM
"Could you please hurry up and chew through the rest of that steel wool? It's my only hope for escape!"
Posted by: Vance | December 10, 2007 12:46 PM
THERE you are! Get your ass back to the fifth floor. Your pleated skirt and cheap handbag aren't fooling anyone. You're a demoiselle d'Avignon and we've got a brothel full of sailors on shore leave. Don't make me come get you, bitch.
Posted by: Ernest | December 10, 2007 1:02 PM
"Lady, if I were you I'd try ducking underneath a bench or something, until the SWAT team has cornered the gunman. Jeez, what kind of hell are we living in anyway?"
Posted by: RichM | December 10, 2007 1:20 PM
TAKE CAKE IS A LIE!!!
Posted by: Joel | December 10, 2007 1:23 PM
Psst ... if you can get a message to Amnesty International — please — the (sniff, sniff) the guards, at night, they do unspeakable things.
Posted by: Ernest | December 10, 2007 1:41 PM
"What a coincidence! My name is Sue Reel."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 10, 2007 1:43 PM
I'd ask you in, but you're not wearing primary colors.
Posted by: Urgh | December 10, 2007 1:44 PM
"Veni vidi The Louvre-o-leevio!"
Posted by: Chris | December 10, 2007 1:50 PM
"Could you see if the gift shop still has copies of Abbott's 'Flatland', get 4 or 5, and bring them around to the Magritte? We'll pay you back - it's for our book group."
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 10, 2007 1:55 PM
"Yo, Mondrian"
Posted by: Gray Nixon | December 10, 2007 1:58 PM
"If you really want to study his brushwork, I recommend 'Brabant Farmyard'; but you'll have to travel to Ohio to see the original."
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 10, 2007 2:05 PM
have you ever wished for something so bad... And then when it came true you were filled with regret and remorse?
Posted by: jake | December 10, 2007 2:08 PM
"Heeeeere's Gennnnnre!"
Posted by: dwilk | December 10, 2007 2:17 PM
This painting HATES YOU.
Posted by: LK | December 10, 2007 2:30 PM
"If you don't make it on the outside Karen, remember, you'll always have a home in Painting World."
Posted by: David John | December 10, 2007 2:33 PM
"Help! I'm trapped in a painting!"
Posted by: Ed C | December 10, 2007 2:36 PM
"Pontoffel Pock, where the heck are ya?"
Posted by: Slide | December 10, 2007 2:38 PM
"I get it, Harold, very funny. You cut a hole through the back of the wall and painting to make it look like you're part of the picture. Not really worth killing the night watchman for, but funny."
Posted by: David John | December 10, 2007 2:41 PM
"Fuck that one, that one sucks. Come look at this one. It's soooo much better. And I'm not just saying that because my soul is trapped in this one and I desperately long for companionship."
Posted by: Ed C | December 10, 2007 2:47 PM
URL ooops: "If you really want to study his brushwork, I recommend 'Brabant Farmyard'; but you'll have to travel to Ohio to see the original."
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 10, 2007 2:48 PM
Though intrigued, Margot was taught to never to judge art by its face value.
Posted by: Joe Terranova | December 10, 2007 2:56 PM
"Oh no! That Mondrian has been defaced! Or perhaps needs to be defaced! Because it has a face in it! And it shouldn't!"
"Can you help me? I said I was looking for the john, but the guy misheard me and thought I was looking for the Jasper Johns's. And then I got really lost and endeed up in here."
"Don't do it! Don't go through the painting! They tell you it's all enchanting and wonderful in here, but it's lies, all lies! It's a living hell! And this fucking lion named Aslan keeps prancing around like he's Jesus or something!"
Posted by: Rubrick | December 10, 2007 3:05 PM
"Oh yeah? Well, I don't think you're so great either."
"Say what you want, honey, but my asking price is now $2.3 million and rising, while yours is down to $50 and cab fare."
Posted by: Joshua | December 10, 2007 3:16 PM
The signature painting of the hot new artist, Munchdrian.
Posted by: jim M | December 10, 2007 4:26 PM
"Toasty!"
Posted by: Zack | December 10, 2007 4:46 PM
Whoops, wrong wardrobe.
Posted by: Zack | December 10, 2007 4:53 PM
"Hurry up, lady. It's almost time for Mondrian Night Football."
Posted by: Tim H | December 10, 2007 5:04 PM
"Hey, lady, can you help - damn, I always fall for that Duane Hansen."
Posted by: jim M | December 10, 2007 5:10 PM
"Excuse me, but could you scribble a caption under me please? Don't worry, it doesn't have to make sense."
Posted by: RichM | December 10, 2007 5:11 PM
"Sorry, we're closed."
Posted by: Kathy H | December 10, 2007 5:31 PM
"I was going to ask you if you had any toilet paper
on your side of the stall
but the feces covered art
tells me you don't."
Posted by: baron | December 10, 2007 5:34 PM
"Martin! You and your postmodern antics- I can't take you anywhere!"
Posted by: Michael | December 10, 2007 5:56 PM
"Hey! WHAT the---(Crack!)...AHHH!!! My neck! My neck! Officer! Excuse me, officer?! Darn it, these rent-a-cops are completely useless!"
Posted by: Michael | December 10, 2007 6:03 PM
"Don’t believe the pamphlet, lady! Art Digest is a COOKBOOK!”
Posted by: dwilk | December 10, 2007 6:06 PM
"Yeah, so what if I'm a man dressed in women's clothing pissing on a painting? Beats being a disembodied head!"
Posted by: Jacob C | December 10, 2007 6:29 PM
"Will you please stop screwing around and get outta there? The guard is coming!"
"Oh god, she caught me staring. Now she'll never take me home and put me on the wall of her bedroom..."
"Some guy bet me I couldn't run full speed at the painting and magically appear in it. If I thought it was going to work I would picked something with hot chicks in it. Or at least a toilet."
[staring at woman] "Now you know what it feels like, bitch!"
Posted by: MAtt | December 10, 2007 7:57 PM
"Mon dieu!"
"Miss? Any TP on your side?"
"It's still not lighting. Try it again, but jiggle it a little bit."
"Here, there, and everywhere! Hip, hip, so hip to be [a] square!"
Posted by: Trout Almondine | December 10, 2007 8:27 PM
I can't figure it out: on the one hand, these paintings are extraordinarily lifelike and naturalistic to me, but on the other hand, they look just like fucking cartoons.
Posted by: junior | December 10, 2007 10:21 PM
"Oh my god, it's Lance Bass! Oh my god, oh my god. No no no, don't worry, your secret's safe. Holy..."
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | December 10, 2007 10:27 PM
"Damn this trompe l'oeil! Damn it to hell!"
Posted by: Francis | December 10, 2007 10:40 PM
"Nope, I went all the way around, honey, but here I am right back here again. Just wait 'til I get my hands on that blasted Quintus Teal!"
Posted by: Vance | December 10, 2007 11:04 PM
Oddly enough, I HAVEN'T been framed.
I'm a pollster, can I canvas you?
Actually, I'm the parallel universe's Bob Ross.
Posted by: therblig | December 11, 2007 1:07 AM
"I like the way you're hung, fella. Now get out here before I come in there after you."
Posted by: Nacho | December 11, 2007 1:20 AM
"Yes, the 20th century "modern art" movement was very much like the Federal Reserve: a) pretty much invented and controlled by the Rockefellers, b) materialized untold wealth from thin air, c) mystified the general public, and d) employed an army of sycophants spewing pretentious nonsense to obfuscate the fact that it was all an absolute sham."
Posted by: J.D. | December 11, 2007 2:47 AM
"Yes, I suppose it is fitting that when I, Piet Mondrian, was found guilty of treason I was hanged sideways."
"In America you try to wrap your head around modern art. But in Soviet Union..."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 11, 2007 6:57 AM
"Psst... Lady. There's no toilet paper in here. Any paper scraps on the floor out there?.... hmmm... Got 5 ones for a five?"
"You want art? He's over here!"
"By the way... my name is Wally"
"I am not really a bad man... I was just drawn that way"
Posted by: Johnny V | December 11, 2007 7:02 AM
"Why did Richard Prince photograph so many Mondrians? And why are his photos hanging in a museum?"
Man: "Aaaah!"
Woman: "Eek!"
Posted by: Deborah | December 11, 2007 8:16 AM
"Hello, Dali!"
"Art and Wally aren't here. Maybe I can help- I'm Eilene."
"Hello, I'm canvassing for Braque Obama."
Posted by: LV | December 11, 2007 8:44 AM
"Remember that New York Post headline HEADLESS BODY IN TOPLESS BAR? Well, that was me."
Posted by: Tim H | December 11, 2007 10:03 AM
"I know it's abstract art, but I see my inner child in that one over there."
Posted by: jim M | December 11, 2007 10:17 AM
"And now a song from Badly Drawn Boy."
Posted by: jim M | December 11, 2007 10:19 AM
"Psst, realistbitchessaywhat?"
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | December 11, 2007 11:35 AM
"Next!"
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | December 11, 2007 11:54 AM
"Okay, funny in the knight's armor, and funny on the Thinker's lap. Here's it's just stupid."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 11, 2007 11:59 AM
"Any questions?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 11, 2007 12:46 PM
The Mondrian Code: The Search for Bad Hair
Posted by: Melissa | December 11, 2007 2:00 PM
"Hi! I'm Fido Dido. Like my new hairdo?"
Posted by: jim M | December 11, 2007 3:59 PM
"What's this representational shit doing in MOMA?"
"Put down the magic marker and open the goddamn window, Cheryl."
Posted by: Aaron | December 11, 2007 4:19 PM
"MoMA Mia!"
Posted by: Kathy H | December 11, 2007 4:58 PM
"Whaddya mean you don't also see my sometimes-invisible brother Larry!?"
Posted by: Tim H | December 11, 2007 5:00 PM
"Ewwww, lady! Stop rubbing yourself on that painting!
Rub yourself on this one!"
Posted by: jim M | December 11, 2007 5:09 PM
"Hey! Get the fuck out of my apartment!"
Posted by: Ogdred | December 11, 2007 5:24 PM
"Miss, if you move that bench over here and stand on it, I can give you a little head."
Posted by: James | December 11, 2007 7:04 PM
You're not the first personto mistake this filthy window for a Mondrian.
Posted by: klh | December 11, 2007 7:06 PM
You think this is bad, you should see what I left on that Duchamp urinal!
Posted by: therblig | December 11, 2007 7:59 PM
Scene from the cutting room floor: In an early version of G.I. Jane, Demi Moore makes the decision to go through rigorous Navy SEAL training after a surreal encounter with her future self at the Museum of Modern Art.
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | December 12, 2007 12:07 AM
Captionless image begs representationalism;
Parodied and trivialized;
Man peers Mondrian.
Posted by: Dex | December 12, 2007 12:23 AM
"More arty, less farty...okay pal?"
Posted by: al in la | December 12, 2007 1:20 AM
Jesus, I am the stupidest person ever. There's a perfectly reasonable explanation...in a rush to leave work, feeling I'd forgotten something, not double-checking the next day. I've wasted everybody's time and I feel awful.
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 12, 2007 4:38 AM
A little privacy, please! I'm trying to Mondribate over here.
Posted by: Mo Buck | December 12, 2007 10:27 AM
Hey, this isn't Narnia.
Posted by: Zack | December 12, 2007 11:24 AM
"Listen to this: If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too. - So, do you think I'm stretching for that last rhyme?"
Posted by: David Gates | December 12, 2007 11:51 AM
"Well, what did you expect?! As Mr. Greenberg made perfectly clear: once you enter the world of the flat, you become....flat! Look, if it makes you feel any better, you'll get a lot more attention on that flat plane than you would have in your former three-dimensional life. Anyway, I gotta get going, but Godspeed and good luck."
Posted by: Michael | December 12, 2007 12:08 PM
"No! As short as that bench is, you'll be able to look right up my skirt!"
Posted by: shadysidelantern | December 12, 2007 1:10 PM
"What, you've never seen a MAN-drian before?! Get it?! A MAN-DRian? Oh you don't like that? Go fuck yourself."
Posted by: Tom | December 12, 2007 3:40 PM
"They don't call me Art Vandelay for nuthin' !"
Posted by: Tim H | December 12, 2007 4:54 PM
"This really doesn't teach me anything about sustainable farming techniques."
Posted by: Brian L | December 12, 2007 7:15 PM
Will you stop trying to make corny modern art jokes and help me out of the damn thing.
Posted by: Brian L | December 12, 2007 7:19 PM
Excuse me, ma'am. If you're looking for the A-Ha video shoot, it's actually through this painting.
Posted by: StDaedalus | December 12, 2007 8:35 PM
I may be a hideous transvestite with an abnormally long torso, Sir, but in the morning I will be a successful businessman - albeit with man boobs - and you will still be trapped in that painting.
Posted by: Shawn | December 12, 2007 9:48 PM
"Hey lady..do you think you'd be able to draw a pair a pants on me ?...and make them, well, flattering, if you catch my drift...this guy thinks because he can't draw 'em, I don't need 'em..how's about drawin' a pair of those Beatle boots, too...them are swell."
Posted by: Greg | December 12, 2007 11:50 PM
"They're booting your car."
Posted by: Greg | December 12, 2007 11:52 PM
"Watch out for the chicken salad in the Cafe d'art".
Posted by: Greg | December 12, 2007 11:55 PM
"Psst....Pez?"
Posted by: Greg | December 12, 2007 11:59 PM
"I'm going to inform the museum curator this Scream is a fake, and then talk to myself out loud some more."
Posted by: David John | December 13, 2007 12:16 AM
"I'll be art in a minute."
Posted by: dwilk | December 13, 2007 7:05 AM
"Psst...It's me, Roger Clemens. I'm just kinda laying low 'cause I hear I've been named in The Mitchell Report."
Posted by: Kathy H | December 13, 2007 10:54 AM
You can tell this is a fake Mondrian because my head is at like a 27-degree angle.
Posted by: therblig | December 13, 2007 4:49 PM
"Come on in... the water's nice..."
Posted by: TMo | December 13, 2007 5:04 PM
"Heeeeeeeeere's Johnny!"
Posted by: TMo | December 13, 2007 5:05 PM
"IGNORE ME!"
Posted by: TMo | December 13, 2007 5:07 PM
"Mmmm... you get a six. Six and a half if I'm drunk. Don't be mad, lady, I'm being generous."
Posted by: TMo | December 13, 2007 5:10 PM
"Nice ass!"
Posted by: Alan | December 13, 2007 11:57 PM
"Psst! Help! I'm stuck in a horrible New Yorker cartoon!"
Posted by: JP | December 14, 2007 1:13 AM
"It's weird how the eyes of the patrons seem to follow you, no matter where they go in the room."
Posted by: JP | December 14, 2007 1:17 AM
This week’s winner: the entries thread itself. Its arc matches almost perfectly that of the cartoon’s subject, so-called modern art. Without the initial burst of creativity. Just several pre-exhausted cycles of self-referential would-be cleverness. Sadly petering out after just four days (decades). Yet we’ll all stand around applauding “the winner,” so as not to appear square.
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | December 14, 2007 2:59 AM
"I believe I've accidentally invented the De Stijl-cum-Stuckist movement."
Posted by: earlg | December 14, 2007 8:43 AM
"I am the 'Picture of Al Gore'. The cooler he gets the more square I get. This Nobel thing just about did me in, let me tell you."
Posted by: earlg | December 14, 2007 8:54 AM
Mo-Ma, M-O-M-A, Mo-Ma, Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo Mo-Ma-a. Sorry, just trying to get the kinks out.
Posted by: therblig | December 14, 2007 11:46 AM
"To truly appreciate these works you are going to have to back away a bit - but watch out for the bench."
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 14, 2007 1:57 PM
"Comment text is required."
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 14, 2007 2:06 PM
"Pardon me mademoiselle! I was conked on ze head by a crazed painter named Mondrian. Thinking he had killed me, he hid my body by painting over me onto zis canvas. Miraculously ze paint acted as preservative which has kept me alive all zis time. I have been chewing through ze paint and have finally gotten through to freedom. Can you please get me some water and a croissant?"
Posted by: Bryce | December 14, 2007 2:22 PM
Yes, I AM Tony Romo...Now get the hell out of my apartment.
Posted by: John DeGiovanni | December 14, 2007 3:13 PM
"Mondrian did this to get back at me. All I said was, 'you couldn't paint your way out of a paper bag'"
Posted by: C@L Mike | December 14, 2007 4:35 PM
"Don't give me that look...Cartoonists are artists too, you know."
Posted by: For Bill | December 14, 2007 4:37 PM
David Sipress (American, b. 1947?). Mandrian, 2007
Posted by: David F | December 15, 2007 3:29 PM
"(Oh no, there he is again! My son- I see him everywhere! Ever since his horrible death from non-objectivism. Will I never be freed from this tyranny? Perhaps I'm just not ready, not yet ready to take that leisurely stroll, the stroll of leisure, down the hallowed halls of abstraction. But I assure you, as God as my witness, there will come a day when I will wrestle with the great, wild beauty of abstraction in peace!)"
Posted by: Michael | December 16, 2007 12:44 PM
ANTI-CAPTION SPELL CHECK POLICE!
"is" my witness, God is my witness....
2/10 deduction.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 16, 2007 12:56 PM
"[Woman screams in horror]"
Posted by: John Tabin | December 16, 2007 1:24 PM
Too inside.
Posted by: Matthew Hutson | December 16, 2007 2:17 PM
Whoever designed these windows was on drugs, or a genius, I am not sure which. Anyway, I was just trying to let some fresh air into my apartment after my roommate let this retched rotten egg fart, oh my God I almost puked on myself, and I fell out when I pushed on the wrong pane of glass. How many panes do you need really? It's just a window. So do you mind helping me in? Don't worry I won't rape you. You didn't fart did you?
Posted by: Adam G | December 16, 2007 3:05 PM
"Stop wasting your time! The book, 'To Draw Man' is not about meeting single available men. IT'S AN ART BOOK!"
Posted by: For al in la's brother Bill (RIP) | December 16, 2007 4:48 PM
You should see the abstract expression on your face.
Posted by: blohman | December 16, 2007 6:06 PM
"Let's get out of here, the Viagra is working and I'm bored stiff."
"Did you see a Campbell's soup can around here?"
"This art looks like the old dresses in my mother's closet!"
Posted by: jeena | December 16, 2007 9:28 PM
"It's not you, it's me."
Posted by: Matthew Hutson | December 17, 2007 1:12 AM
"Pssst. Lady ... Has he posted the results yet?"
Posted by: Ernest | December 17, 2007 8:49 PM
"Good thinking, Louie! You reasoned that ANY entry through the sparsely attended Mondrian Exhibition would afford us our best chance to make off almost unopposed with some virtually priceless Delacroix."
Posted by: Sam L. | December 19, 2007 8:18 PM
"OH...MY...GOD ! A third dimension !!"
Posted by: Sam L. | December 19, 2007 8:24 PM
Face: "Yikes, curves !" Woman: "Fresh !"
Posted by: Sam L. | December 19, 2007 8:30 PM
"Have no fear, Earthlings ! We are visitors to you through Milky Way Black Hole XZP-317! Were our motive to inflict widespread terror and destruction upon the miserable human population, think ye we would choose to target so pitiful a demographic as 'The Abstract Painting' afficianado, rather than, say, some half-time at The New Yorker Gia..., uh,well, maybe better,some 7th inning stretch at The New Yorker Yanke... yeah,O.K., 'The Yanks' did at least do better this year that this fallen-flat, boring Mondrian Exhibition-- who wasn't even an American ? .... So where was I ?! Oh, yeah ! -- Get a life, all ye humanoid 'culture-vultures' here present .... yeah, you too, mam ! ...(and let's just skip that 'take me to your leader' stuff, too, alright ? We know where the god-damned U.N. is, afterall !)..... I'm out !"
Posted by: Sam L. | December 19, 2007 9:37 PM
"PSSSSSST, could you get me a TOWEL?"
Posted by: Hudson | December 20, 2007 11:45 PM